Classically Abby - Welcome To The Classically Abby PODCAST! ⧸⧸ Ep. 1： I'm Not Judgy, I'm Looking Out For YOU.

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to the first episode of the Classically Abbey podcast.

00:00:15.020 I'm so excited to be recording here and doing it for the first time completely unedited. So

00:00:21.700 if you don't know, usually on YouTube, you're able to just kind of talk and if you make mistakes,

00:00:26.120 then you'll re-record things and you'll edit them. And it's very different than just sitting

00:00:31.740 and talking and knowing that you can't cut anything out, which is stressful for a YouTuber.

00:00:37.660 It's just like a new thing that we're doing here. And I'm very excited about it, but I'm also kind

00:00:43.120 of nervous. So we'll see how it goes. Welcome to my kitchen. That's where we're filming. I hope you

00:00:49.000 like this background. Who knows if it will change, but that's where we're starting out. And I wanted

00:00:54.060 to tell you guys a little bit about what this podcast is going to be. So this podcast centers

00:00:58.540 on classic living and traditional values, navigating the modern era as a traditional woman, as well as

00:01:04.740 conversations with other people in this space. So I'm going to be kind of alternating episodes

00:01:11.020 where I will be doing my own content, which I will describe in just a minute, kind of the segments

00:01:17.320 that we're going to do over here, as well as interspersing those with episodes where I interview

00:01:23.180 women and men who are in this space and who kind of want to talk about traditional values and all of

00:01:29.420 the stuff that we like over here at classically Abbey. So I'm really excited about that.

00:01:33.820 This podcast gives strength to the women who reject the modern narrative of womanhood

00:01:38.700 and instead embrace real femininity. So that's, that's the concept of the podcast. I'm really glad

00:01:45.180 you're here. And before we get further into today's episode, if you aren't already subscribed to my

00:01:51.020 podcast, make sure to subscribe so that you can get updates every time I post a new episode.

00:01:55.660 And if you aren't subscribed to my YouTube channel, make sure to subscribe and hit that notification

00:01:59.980 bell. So I'm very excited to have you here. I probably have said excited like 15 times. I need

00:02:05.580 to, I need to relax. One other thing I want to mention is I would love if you would consider heading

00:02:12.380 over to my sub stack where you will get access to a ton of exclusive content, including my weekly

00:02:17.340 exclusive articles, my book club, my movie club, and submitting questions for this podcast.

00:02:24.060 So I used to do a live stream Q and a on my YouTube channel, but I recently decided what I'm going to

00:02:30.140 do kind of to replace that is if you are a premium subscriber on my sub stack, which is only $7 a

00:02:36.380 month or $70 for the year, which means you get two months for free, then you can submit questions.

00:02:41.900 And each episode, I will respond to a couple of questions from you all. So it's a really great

00:02:48.380 deal. We have a really great community of women over there, and I think you'll really love it. So

00:02:52.860 go ahead and check it out. It's classicallyabby.substock.com. So let me tell you a little bit about

00:02:59.180 how the show is going to be divided up. So every episode, we will start off with an intro where we

00:03:05.900 catch up. It's kind of my version of the scoop. If you follow me on YouTube, you'll know I've done

00:03:11.100 episodes of something called the scoop where we just kind of chat about what's going on in the

00:03:14.300 world, what's going on in our lives, stuff like that. Then I'm going to follow that up with the

00:03:19.260 main portion of the episode that might be something regarding classic living. It might be regarding

00:03:24.540 something about motherhood. It might be something that's going on in the zeitgeist, but it's going to

00:03:29.340 be kind of the bulk of the episode. Then we're going to move on to our faith talk. So I haven't done

00:03:36.460 quite a lot of this on my channel, and I miss doing it. I've done it before, but not as much

00:03:42.460 as I would like to, and now we're going to bring that back into focus. So I am a religious Jew,

00:03:48.380 in case you didn't know that, and I really like talking about faith, and our journeys,

00:03:54.620 and our relationship to God. So this week at least, and we'll see how it goes moving forward,

00:04:00.220 we're going to go off of the Torah portion or the Parsha, and you'll see where we go with that.

00:04:06.940 And then lastly, we'll finish off with subscriber questions and answering questions from those

00:04:11.820 premium subscribers on my sub stack. So that's what you can expect from each episode. And then

00:04:17.500 on the episodes where I'm interviewing people, then there might be kind of shortened versions of the

00:04:22.940 intro. The main portion would be the interview, and we might skip the faith talk, but at the end we

00:04:28.620 would do a subscriber question that I would pose to the interviewer and we would discuss it together.

00:04:34.380 So that's going to be pretty great. And as you can see, I've got my laptop in front of me so I can

00:04:39.180 reference all of my notes because it's a little different doing a podcast. I hope that this is

00:04:45.420 something you guys enjoy. It's a little bit different for me. So let's get into it. First thing I want

00:04:52.940 to talk about is what the main topic of today is going to be, which is why I encourage women to be

00:04:59.820 classic. So I talk about being classic all the time. And what I mean when I talk about being classic,

00:05:06.220 I want to kind of explain that a little bit, but why do I encourage it? Why is it so important?

00:05:12.380 So many people get offended when you kind of tell them that there's a better way to live,

00:05:18.140 and they think that it's coming from a place of judgment. And I'm here to explain why it isn't.

00:05:23.580 So that's going to be the main portion of today's episode. But if you like the podcast and you're

00:05:31.020 enjoying it, make sure to share it with your friends and family. So let's get into the life

00:05:35.740 updates. If you're new here, I'm married with a nine month old baby. I will be married for five years

00:05:43.180 in May, which is crazy. I can't believe time has flown by that quickly. And my son is the cutest.

00:05:50.140 We call him Mr. Baby over here. What will what will we call him when he gets older? I don't I don't

00:05:55.180 actually know. Mr. Boy, perhaps, especially as we have more children, then that baby will be Mr.

00:06:03.980 or Mrs. Baby. And we'll have to kind of figure out the names for what we what we call him and them.

00:06:11.420 So if you didn't know, I also keep the identity of my baby under wraps. I mean, I don't show his face

00:06:18.940 on social media and I don't use his name because he didn't consent to it. And also, the internet is

00:06:24.460 a terrible place and people hate me a lot. So they don't need to hate my son. So I decided not to share

00:06:30.140 that information. So that's why I call him Mr. Baby. But I love being a mom and I love being a wife.

00:06:35.900 I used to be a professional opera singer. If you didn't know that, that's where partly why I chose

00:06:42.140 the name Classically Abby, because I was a classically trained opera singer. And I moved away from that

00:06:47.420 partly due to COVID. That just kind of stopped a lot of the performing stuff that was going on in the

00:06:54.780 world. But even before COVID, it wasn't going to be my full time career because I wanted to be able to

00:07:01.500 devote my time to my family. And being an opera singer is really not conducive to that. It's

00:07:07.260 you're traveling all the time. You're just away from your family. And it's just too hard. And I

00:07:12.700 didn't want that. So I ended up doing content creation, talking about the stuff that I'm really

00:07:18.700 passionate about. I feel that this is my mission to talk about classic living and traditional values

00:07:24.540 and modern femininity and helping women find their place in this world that's telling them

00:07:31.740 all of the things that they should be doing that will only lead them down a path of unhappiness.

00:07:36.620 I've been a content creator for about three years now. And that's kind of my background. So one of the

00:07:44.300 things I want to mention today, if you're watching, is my hair. So I used hot rollers today.

00:07:51.740 I've been trying to figure out kind of my my daily schedule. Because let's be honest,

00:07:58.940 having a routine with a baby is very difficult, especially because babies change and grow so

00:08:03.980 quickly that as soon as you get used to one rhythm, everything changes and that rhythm is no longer

00:08:10.020 relevant. So Mr. Baby crawls like crazy nowadays, and he is just getting into everything. So trying to

00:08:18.340 even sit down to do my makeup, do my hair and film is the whole process, it's almost impossible.

00:08:25.460 So I just recently had a discussion with my mom, because she comes over and helps for about an hour

00:08:30.900 every day, and said like, okay, here's what we can do to actually make this time the most effective.

00:08:37.460 And so I sat down this morning, and I decided that hot rollers were probably the easiest and most

00:08:41.700 effective way to get my hair done quickly so that I can sit down and film. Well, this is what we're

00:08:46.980 left with. I'm feeling very, very Texas. So I'm not I'm not mad at it. I like it. But it's it's pretty

00:08:54.820 intense. And I showed it to my husband. He was like, yeah, you look like you belong in Texas,

00:08:59.140 but I like it. So that's where that's where my hair is at. I film facing my pool. So that's reminding

00:09:07.780 me that we just got our pool fence installed. And that was a great move, right? Because if you have

00:09:13.060 little ones, it's very dangerous to have just an open pool, you don't know if you can always keep

00:09:18.340 eye on your children, you want to make sure that they're safe. And for us, since we host a lot of

00:09:22.660 meals on Sabbath, we wanted to be able to host them in our backyard at our table. But when people come

00:09:29.460 over with their little kids, they can't really just relax because the kids could have like a dangerous

00:09:34.340 situation. So we just got this pool fence installed. We're very excited about it. It's not the most beautiful

00:09:38.980 thing in the world because what pool fence is, but it is also really helpful just to allow us to relax

00:09:44.420 with our friends. And that's really the most important thing. Another fun thing that happened

00:09:48.740 this week. I had my siblings over last night and we played Jackbox, which was a lot of fun. So I don't

00:09:56.180 know if you've heard of Jackbox TV. I think you can get it on a few different gaming services. It's party

00:10:03.140 games that you play on your phone. And everybody kind of uses their phone as a notepad or a template

00:10:09.700 or something like that. And we played some games. It was really fun. We had a great time. And I

00:10:16.500 recommend checking out Jackbox TV if you are interested in something like that. We love board

00:10:22.780 games. We love party games, things you should know about us. We love all sorts of games. So if you like

00:10:28.820 strategy games, we like those. If you like party games, we like those. And Jackbox is just one of

00:10:33.820 those really easy party games. So last but not least, my husband and I took a trip to Miami just

00:10:42.000 recently between Christmas and New Year's. And we learned some interesting things, and maybe I'll do

00:10:48.240 a future podcast episode on this, about how to travel with someone who maybe you don't necessarily

00:10:56.200 100% agree on your travel style. So some people love to like run out and go and see absolutely

00:11:04.320 everything that they can in a new location. And some people like to relax and just kind of do a

00:11:09.380 beach vacation. And some people enjoy the feeling of living in a new place, not touring in a new place,

00:11:17.140 but living in a new place. So I'm pretty flexible when it comes to how I take vacations. I probably could

00:11:23.760 enjoy any vacation that I took. So if it was like a touring vacation, I might like that. If it was a

00:11:29.200 beach vacation, I might like that. But my husband very much enjoys the third kind, where you feel

00:11:35.400 like you're living in an area, where you don't get in your car to drive anywhere. You just get a hotel

00:11:40.480 and you, or an Airbnb, and you enjoy where you are. You walk around, you get to know your favorite

00:11:46.660 cafe. If you're there for three or four days, like it's just like you're living there. And it took us a day

00:11:52.880 or two to remember that because it had been such a long time since the two of us and now Mr. Baby

00:11:59.040 had gone on a trip together that we almost didn't remember what our travel styles were. And so by the

00:12:06.700 end of the first couple of days, we were both a little bit grumpy, just thinking like, why are we

00:12:12.660 not having as good of a time as I know we could? And once we realized, oh, it's because we're not,

00:12:17.680 we're not doing the travel style that we enjoy together, then we were able to shift our plans

00:12:25.300 and say, okay, so we're going to cancel these like long drives we have planned, these tours that we

00:12:30.280 want to go on. And instead, we're going to just hang out around this neighborhood. And we ended up

00:12:38.080 having an amazing time. So if you are like struggling with the travel, with traveling with

00:12:46.300 someone you love, and you want to have a good time, but it's just like not really working,

00:12:50.460 consider having a discussion about how to make that better. Because it may be that one of you

00:12:58.520 is having a great time because you enjoy the sort of vacation you're on while the other person is

00:13:03.560 totally not into that kind of vacation and is feeling like it's a waste of time. So have a

00:13:09.020 discussion and then maybe you'll be able to figure out how to make the most of your trip. So that was

00:13:14.180 just, I didn't mean to give a piece of advice. It was usually I'm like just kind of catching up and

00:13:18.480 telling you things, but I felt like that was relevant. So now let's get into the main portion of

00:13:25.180 today's episode, which is why I encourage women to be classic. So often, as I mentioned earlier,

00:13:32.340 people think when I'm talking about being classic, that I'm coming from a place of judgment, that I

00:13:38.260 judge people who aren't classic, that I sit over here and go like, you're dumb for not doing what

00:13:44.400 I'm doing. That's wrong. The truth is when I'm talking about being classic, it comes from a place

00:13:52.500 of wanting people to be happy. I know that that's almost hard to picture, but really when I'm talking

00:13:59.280 about being classic, it's because I know that being classic and maintaining traditional values

00:14:04.380 leads people to live happier lives and be, have more meaning, have more purpose. The truth is that

00:14:12.380 women have gotten more anxious and more depressed since they have lost their meaning and purpose.

00:14:18.740 I feel really passionately about this. I read this article and I'm going to, I know what I'm going to do.

00:14:23.580 Oh gosh, I forgot to mention my hard drive with all of my work on it has been broken by Mr. Baby

00:14:30.280 pulling it down from where it sits. So I have to try and get all of my information off of it.

00:14:36.360 But on that hard drive is an article that I am really passionate about because it's written by

00:14:44.440 a colonel. It was written in like the fifties or sixties. And I think it was written in the sixties

00:14:49.260 because it was post sort of like the, it was the beginning of, of feminist ideology starting to

00:14:54.280 pervade women's ideology. And the interesting thing about that article is that it really talks

00:15:05.320 about how women have been divorced from their meaning and purpose as wives and mothers. And because of

00:15:12.360 that, there are more anxious and more depressed because they don't have the clear picture of what

00:15:19.340 they are for. So as we've told women that motherhood and being a wife is just kind of like a choice,

00:15:27.020 something that you don't have to do that some people want to do, but it's just like something

00:15:31.020 that's been forced on you by the patriarchy. And really your meaning comes from everything else.

00:15:35.780 Women have actually gotten more anxious and more depressed because they're making bad choices that

00:15:40.760 are leading them away from the choices that would give them meaning and purpose and fulfillment.

00:15:46.280 The truth about it is that as women have, here's the real thing, right? There's a very small

00:15:56.440 percentage of women, 1%, 2% that don't actually want children, that don't want to have children,

00:16:05.580 that don't want to get married, that are happier doing something else.

00:16:10.760 But the narrative is that half of women want that. That like, it could be a 50-50 shot with you,

00:16:18.980 that perhaps you will want those things, perhaps you won't. That is the biggest lie that feminism

00:16:26.360 has told women. That it's like, maybe you'll want those things, totally incorrect. 99% of women

00:16:36.680 want those things. And when we give women this picture of like, oh, well, you'll see,

00:16:43.720 it really leads women down a path of making poor choices, making bad decisions that make those huge,

00:16:50.900 important life goals of being a wife and being a mother more difficult to come by.

00:16:57.440 As you are putting all of your energy into a career that may preclude you meeting the right guy or may

00:17:07.420 preclude you having children, you are really ending up making choices that are pushing you away from the

00:17:15.280 things that you need to do to feel good about yourself. And not only good about yourself, but

00:17:20.620 have purpose in your life. I'm not saying that careers can't be fulfilling, but they are not

00:17:29.800 going to bring you ultimate fulfillment. Right? I love my job. I love what I do. It brings me meaning

00:17:39.180 and purpose. And I really, really like it. But if I had to choose between this job and being a mother

00:17:49.120 or being a wife, this job wouldn't even come close. And the problem is, is that we've positioned it like,

00:17:56.960 oh, they're equal. If you are super successful in your career, you may not need to be a mother and a

00:18:06.420 wife. And it's just incorrect. One of the things I've been thinking about is when we make being a

00:18:18.020 mother and a wife, a burden rather than a gift, then women had to find their meaning in other places.

00:18:24.520 Right? And when I say that being a mother and a wife is a burden, that is not an exaggeration.

00:18:29.360 We're talking about Betty Friedan. We're talking about the feminine mystique. That's the book that she

00:18:33.600 wrote. And in that, in this ideology, feminists told women that men get to go to work. They get to

00:18:42.340 leave the house where you have to stay chained back at home, raising the children. Instead of saying,

00:18:51.000 men don't get to work, men have to work. Right? The picture that we have in 2023 and when the show

00:18:59.840 came out, I don't remember the exact year, but I'm thinking of Mad Men. Right? Mad Men is the exact

00:19:06.520 picture of like what feminists think was wrong with the 1950s. Right? Men get to go to work. They

00:19:13.320 get to have party. They get to sleep with their secretaries. And the women are home alone, depressed,

00:19:18.140 raising the kids. That is false. That is not real. Men have to work to support their families.

00:19:28.160 Now, does that mean that all men hate their jobs? No. But if men had the opportunity to stay home with

00:19:34.360 their kids and their wives, I think a lot of them would love to do that. I mean, look at kind of how

00:19:40.840 things have played out since COVID. We have many, many people choosing to work remotely because they'd

00:19:47.680 rather be at home. And men have to work, not get to work. Women have to get to, women get to take care

00:20:01.760 of the children and take care of their homes. And some of them get to do some work as well. And all of

00:20:09.000 this is a grass is always greener thing of like, I'm sure some men look at their wives and think,

00:20:14.860 oh, I wish that I got to stay at home and take care of the kids all day. And some women look at

00:20:18.580 their husbands and think, oh, I wish I got to go to work. But the truth is that we have different

00:20:23.540 roles. Now, those roles can change in specific situations, but generally women would like to be

00:20:30.300 at home with the kids, even if we're told that like it's a prison. As Betty Friedan wrote, women who

00:20:38.740 adjust as housewives who grow up wanting to be just a housewife are in, are in as much danger as the

00:20:45.360 millions who walked to their own death in the concentration camps. They are suffering a slow

00:20:50.120 death of mind and spirit. Yeah. I mean, this is where so much of this feminist ideology started.

00:20:59.880 So all of these feminists who say, no, it's all about what women want to do. If a woman wants to

00:21:07.120 stay at home, then she can. If a woman wants to go to work, then she can.

00:21:13.300 They don't really think that. They don't really think that. They think that we live in a patriarchy,

00:21:20.240 that women are constantly victims and men are constantly oppressors. And there's no way to

00:21:26.760 break out of that. And if women had the opportunity to go to work, they would, but women have to be with

00:21:33.520 their kids. No, women get to be with their kids. I think the reason I'm talking about all of this is

00:21:43.100 because as we encourage women away from those choices that will bring them joy and happiness and

00:21:51.660 goodness to their lives, we're also leading them away from making the choices that would bring them

00:22:04.220 ultimate, you know, happiness and joy. I think being classic is important. And the reason I tell women

00:22:13.000 to be classic because I want to see them be happy. Okay. So now I think we have a question here of how

00:22:29.980 do women find meaning and fulfillment before they have children and get married?

00:22:34.080 this was something I struggled with as I was talking about, you know, the two things that I

00:22:41.200 always talk about for women is, is being a wife and being a mother. Now, again, I don't think that

00:22:45.200 you can't work. I just think you have to have your priorities in line. And I think you have to

00:22:49.980 understand what comes first. I think that one of the things that gets me is women who talk about

00:22:57.800 going to work rather than being at home with their kids. If they had the option, there are women who

00:23:03.180 have to work because they need to help support their families. And then there are the women who

00:23:08.240 want to work. And so they hand off their kids to someone else that I'm not, I'm not as much a fan

00:23:16.160 of. I think that women, if they have the choice to be at home and can be at home, they should be,

00:23:22.660 they should be at home with their, with their kids. Now, if their kids are in school, then great,

00:23:28.520 use that time and work. But if your kids are at home, then what are you doing by choosing to do

00:23:36.120 something rather than raise your children? The ultimate, the thing that's of ultimate importance.

00:23:46.780 But women who are not yet married and who don't have children yet, they still have value. I did a

00:23:53.280 whole video on my YouTube channel about this. They're still really important. So what do they do

00:23:59.420 well before that happens? How do they find meaning and fulfillment? Through constant bettering and

00:24:07.740 improvement of themselves. And by spending time with friends at that same era of life.

00:24:14.340 By moving toward a goal, but also appreciating where they're at. I think we often, if you,

00:24:21.240 if you tell people that they need to be working towards something, they have to like, in their

00:24:25.920 heads, hate the place that they're at. And that's just wrong. You can say, I'm happy where I'm at.

00:24:34.140 And also I'm going to make choices that will eventually lead me to where I want to go.

00:24:41.360 So there's very much meaning and fulfillment and joy to be had before you have children and before you

00:24:48.120 get married. But you have to make the choices that will lead you in the best direction. And that's why

00:24:53.160 I tell women to be classic. Because if they don't line up things in the right way to bring them towards

00:25:03.380 those things that they're aiming for, then they're going to end up not getting the things that they

00:25:09.840 truly need and want. One of the things I don't like about this ideology, this feminist ideology,

00:25:19.520 is that as soon as women are put in the position of having to choose between motherhood and work,

00:25:24.320 they feel guilty when they realize that motherhood is more important to them than keeping up with the

00:25:29.180 feminist narrative. There's a reason that women make less than men. And it's not because there's a wage

00:25:36.420 gap. It's because women choose to do different jobs or not work. Women choose to be at home with

00:25:45.420 their kids. But then, and I've talked to so many friends like this, and I struggled with it.

00:25:52.200 There's a feeling of guilt that you're not being a girl boss. And instead, you're just being a mom.

00:26:00.760 That's a really poisonous worldview and outlook that we've put on women.

00:26:11.760 So, at the end of the day, being classic brings contentment. Because you love what you were made

00:26:19.720 for, and you make choices in line with your purpose. And that's a beautiful thing. So that's

00:26:26.400 why I encourage women to be classic. That's why I encourage women to embrace their femininity and

00:26:31.020 why I encourage people to engage with traditional values and have traditional values. Because

00:26:37.020 traditional values are built around how people work, how people are built. They're built around

00:26:45.720 how people are built. But what I mean is traditional values are traditional for a reason, in the sense

00:26:51.900 that they've lasted so long, because they work. Because people were meant to be that way.

00:27:01.520 So, with that all in mind, let's move into our faith talk for today. So, our faith talk for today

00:27:09.980 is going to be around the Torah portion, which is called in English He Lived. In Hebrew, it's

00:27:17.100 parashat Vayechi. This is the last parasha of Bereshit, of Genesis. And I personally love Genesis. I love

00:27:27.480 our forefathers. I love Abraham and Isaac and Jacob. I love our foremothers. I love all of the stories because

00:27:35.440 the characters and the people in the Bible are just so real. Nobody's perfect. They are all real human

00:27:44.300 beings who make real mistakes, who deal with real tragedies and real struggles, just like we do.

00:27:51.120 And they're there for us to learn lessons. They're not supposed to be people that we look up to and

00:27:56.780 say, like, well, they were perfect and I'll never reach that. We're supposed to look up to our ancestors,

00:28:02.800 to the people who created our faith, who were there at the beginning and everything,

00:28:07.500 to see how we can learn from them and grow. So, in this parasha, in this Torah portion,

00:28:17.100 Jacob is dying and he calls Joseph to him and he has him bring Manasseh and Ephraim,

00:28:25.400 Manasseh and Ephraim in Hebrew, and he gives them a blessing. But if you remember,

00:28:32.320 he crosses his hands or at least puts his right hand on the younger sibling and his left hand on

00:28:40.260 the older sibling. So, he gives the firstborn blessing to the younger sibling, which is a repeat

00:28:47.400 of what happened with him, where Isaac gave the younger brother, Jacob, the firstborn blessing.

00:28:57.020 And after that happens, he kind of gives the 12 tribes their stories of, like, what's going to

00:29:09.620 happen to them and what they hold, what their futures hold. So, following that, Jacob dies. He's

00:29:20.820 brought to Israel to be buried and to Canaan at the time. And the brothers come to Joseph and they

00:29:30.800 say, please forgive us for what we did. Please don't hold it against us. If you remember, the

00:29:35.360 brothers sold Joseph basically into slavery and then he ended up rising the ranks in Egypt. And

00:29:40.560 Joseph says, of course, I'll forgive you. And then Joseph himself dies. And that's the end of

00:29:46.580 the first book of the Torah. What's so interesting about the Torah and Genesis is the sibling rivalries,

00:29:58.500 the marriages, the relationships with the children and between them. We see so much family strife,

00:30:06.540 right? We've got Esau and Isaac. We've got Jacob and then his story with Rachel and Leah, right? That's

00:30:18.960 the marriages that he has to deal with. And then Bilhah and Zilpah as well. They're handmaids.

00:30:24.320 We have Ishmael and Isaac. We have, or rather it's Esau and Jacob, excuse me from before. But what's so

00:30:37.560 interesting about it is that so much of the story of the Torah shows family strife and that it's simply

00:30:47.440 built into the structure of the world. The way that these families, even from the very beginning are

00:30:55.980 built, are built to have these family struggles. Siblings are not getting along. Younger children get

00:31:08.440 firstborn rights. Marriages are not going smoothly. And uncle relationships don't work out well either.

00:31:17.440 There's quite a bit of struggle that's built into and baked into the Torah.

00:31:26.640 And as people who are traditional and who look to marriage as such an important part of our lives,

00:31:32.500 we might think when things are stressful between spouses or when things are stressful within families,

00:31:40.740 you know, parent to child, that we're doing something wrong or that we're failing or that

00:31:49.940 this isn't a godly, a godly way of approaching our families. But if you look to the Torah, you'll see that

00:32:02.240 that's not the case. If you're struggling with that, it doesn't make you a worse Christian or a worse

00:32:09.840 Jew. It just means you are going through the same things our forefathers did. And you also have to

00:32:16.620 navigate it. And luckily you have a blueprint for kind of how to do it or what not to do.

00:32:21.740 The people in the Torah are just that. They're just people. They aren't any more than we are

00:32:30.060 or any less. Now, of course, in some ways they are more, but they're also just humans.

00:32:37.440 And yet we learn from them and look up to them because they did amazing things despite also going

00:32:41.760 through trials and tribulations and making mistakes. It's important for us to know that God

00:32:48.500 understands your familial struggles because he created the world in this way from the very

00:32:54.600 beginning. Families are not supposed to be perfect. We can strive for goodness. We can strive for

00:33:04.200 perfection, and I put that in quotes. But even from the very beginning, that wasn't the way things

00:33:11.060 were built. People don't always get along. People don't always make the choices we would hope

00:33:18.480 they would. And that is part of being alive, is navigating these relationships that are so

00:33:27.600 absolutely important. But it doesn't make it worse. It doesn't make you a bad person to have those

00:33:39.000 struggles in your life. It just makes you part of the way that God created the world.

00:33:46.360 So you're not alone. And I don't even mean from the sense of you're not alone because there are

00:33:53.600 other people you know who are going through it. I mean it in the sense of you are not alone

00:33:58.340 because God built this in, like he baked it into our world. He baked it into the way things work.

00:34:07.180 So it's up to us to work through that, but it's also up to us to understand that it's okay when we're

00:34:12.760 going through it. That is it for our faith talk, but let's hop into our last segment for today,

00:34:22.440 which is our subscriber questions. So let's start with this question. How do you feel about stay-at-home

00:34:30.800 if the woman's job allows them to be more than financially stable? I would say that

00:34:40.980 when it comes to kind of who goes to work and who stays home, you always have to understand that the

00:34:50.840 most important question is how is the family going to be provided for? If that means that the mother is

00:34:58.680 the one working and the father is the one at home, that's okay. That's how I grew up. My dad was a

00:35:04.520 stay-at-home dad and my mom worked and that was how our family needed to be structured. But if that

00:35:10.780 doesn't have to be the case, if there's a situation in which the husband could make enough for the family

00:35:16.760 to survive and, you know, do well and the mom could stay at home, then that, in my opinion,

00:35:24.940 is the ideal situation. I think it's generally better to have the mom at home for everybody's

00:35:31.980 sake in the sense that women like to be at home with their kids. They enjoy their children and

00:35:37.660 fathers, I think a lot of men need to feel like they're providing for their families

00:35:42.700 and the children benefit from having a mom who's home. So if you can make that work, I generally

00:35:53.100 try to advise people towards that direction. But if that's just simply not going to happen and that's

00:36:01.360 not the case, then you have to do what's going to provide for your family. So if the woman's job

00:36:07.620 allows the family to be more financially stable, then maybe she needs to work and the husband can

00:36:16.400 stay home. But I would say in any other case, having the mom at home is a better situation if it can be

00:36:26.080 managed. Next question is, as a new mom to two and a working mom, I'm struggling with what I thought

00:36:34.180 this journey would look like and what it is. I am loving my babies and I'm struggling with the fact

00:36:39.660 that I have to work. I work two days out of the home and one day from home. I am luckier than so

00:36:46.100 many people. I currently have a nanny for two days. I still feel so torn. I feel like I'm never fully

00:36:53.160 present as a mom because there is always work to do. I'm a professor, work never stops, and at work

00:36:58.900 I feel bad I'm not with my babies. Logically, I know that good children have been raised and raised

00:37:04.360 well in all kinds of families. But still, I feel like I'm not being the best mom by not staying

00:37:10.180 home. I believe in traditional values. I want to homeschool one day. My husband works overtime all

00:37:15.900 the time to make me stay at home one day. And still, I feel guilty. It doesn't make sense. How do you manage

00:37:22.340 the expectations you had of motherhood to the realities? That's a great question. And I want

00:37:29.460 to say I get it very much so. Because I think that, for me, I'm constantly trying to balance

00:37:38.960 motherhood, wifehood, content creation, community involvement, like all of the different things that

00:37:46.220 I do. The work-life balance is real. Even if your work is homemaking, it's real. Just trying to get

00:37:55.460 everything done with a toddler that's running around is very, very hard. But I think one of the things,

00:38:03.520 first of all, you're doing absolutely everything you can to be at home with your kids. So I would not

00:38:09.880 feel guilty at all if I were you. Like, you are doing everything right. Your husband working as hard

00:38:17.460 as he is, I mean, what a blessing, truly. The fact that you're able to be at home with your kids as

00:38:24.040 much as you are, a really, really wonderful thing. And you're not doing anything wrong by trying to make

00:38:32.460 it a situation where you get to be home with your kids. And you're not a bad mom for not staying home

00:38:38.740 when you can't. I mean, there's so many amazing moms out there that have to work.

00:38:48.040 I mean, that's the most important thing is getting food on the table, making sure there's shelter,

00:38:52.240 making sure there's those things that you all really need to survive.

00:38:57.900 So one of the things that I've found is that, is helpful, is that I always feel like I need to be

00:39:07.020 really like directed with my son, that if I'm not paying full attention to him and like Montessori

00:39:14.880 style being with him and working on his development and making sure he's like learning to be independent

00:39:20.680 with my involvement, that I'm like not being as good of a mom as I should. And the thing that I always

00:39:25.380 remember is for generations, for thousands of years, women had the children at home and the children

00:39:36.520 were not getting directed attention. They were just there while the mom was trying to get everything

00:39:40.060 done. And the way that they learned was by watching or participating. And so it's not about

00:39:45.900 us as moms always needing to put our entire focus on our kids. It's about us as moms having the kids

00:39:54.060 learn by being a part of the daily routine, by being part of the daily actions and all of that.

00:40:01.480 If you're putting your kid in front of a TV so you can get things done, maybe not the best move.

00:40:06.080 But if you are having your child just kind of be around while you do things, I think that's great.

00:40:13.280 Like that is the most positive thing is having your baby help you while you do things. And yes,

00:40:18.440 it might slow things down, but that's not the big thing. The big thing is that the baby's with you and

00:40:26.600 learning. You don't have to feel bad for not being the stay-at-home mom you wished you could have been.

00:40:38.700 And as far as managing your expectations of motherhood, motherhood is really about

00:40:46.280 doing your best to raise this little person and bring them to the best person that they can be.

00:40:53.980 And what that looks like is a little different for everybody. You know, for me, like I mentioned,

00:41:00.960 it's about having my son watch what I'm doing and participate. But for you, that will look different

00:41:07.960 because what you do each day may look different than what I do each day. If you are being an involved

00:41:16.540 mom and you are putting your children first and you're prioritizing, I think that you're doing

00:41:22.980 everything right. And managing those expectations really comes down to, like I mentioned, knowing

00:41:30.840 how motherhood was dealt with for thousands of years before it became like this really intensive

00:41:38.860 project where people either outsource the project of motherhood to somebody else so that they can go

00:41:46.180 out and work and do their own thing or where you as mom have to be like in it all day, completely

00:41:53.420 focused on your child. Being a mom is about being there for your baby, but in the sense that they're

00:42:02.300 learning along with you, alongside you. That's my answer for that question. And that is today's episode

00:42:12.240 of the Classically Abbey podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know your thoughts in the

00:42:18.420 comments on YouTube or head over to my Substack where you'll be able to comment on my post. I'm so

00:42:24.220 glad you're here and make sure to subscribe to my Substack newsletter so that you can submit questions

00:42:29.460 for future podcast episodes to my YouTube and to this podcast wherever you listen. Thank you guys so much

00:42:36.960 for being a part of today's episode and we'll chat in the next one. Bye.

Classically Abby - January 10, 2023

Welcome To The Classically Abby PODCAST! ⧸⧸ Ep. 1： I'm Not Judgy, I'm Looking Out For YOU.

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