Classically Abby - Why I Love My CONSERVATIVE Life! ｜｜ Let's talk about why marriage is the best choice I ever made 💍

00:00:00.000 Hello beautiful ladies, and welcome to today's video where we're going to be

00:00:03.780 talking about why I love my life as a conservative woman.

00:00:09.560 Now this is going to be the first episode in a series all about why I love

00:00:13.480 being conservative and I love being a conservative woman specifically. So today

00:00:17.640 I really want to talk about marriage and why I love being married. I've definitely

00:00:22.280 done a bunch of videos about why marriage is so important to me, why it's

00:00:25.680 something I'm so glad I did, and why it's the best choice I ever made, but I really

00:00:29.800 want to talk about that from a conservative perspective. Now if you are

00:00:33.400 someone who is not conservative but you love marriage, hooray! You're on the same

00:00:37.720 side as me! That's great! And marriage is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Now the reason

00:00:42.640 that I talk about it from a conservative perspective is that conservatives really

00:00:46.620 value marriage. We think it's something that actually is important and it's

00:00:50.580 important to the building of a society. So when you look at the statistics, for

00:00:55.660 example there's a very famous statistic by Haskins and Sawhill in their book

00:00:59.900 Creating an Opportunity Society where they say that if you do three things, if

00:01:04.040 you fulfill three norms, which is finish high school, get married before you have

00:01:08.800 children, and work a full-time job, then 73.8% of people who do that are in the

00:01:14.440 middle class. And so being married is one of those three norms that makes it so much

00:01:19.100 better for our society to get married, to get married before having children. And so

00:01:23.260 marriage is not just something that I like as an individual, it's also something

00:01:26.440 that conservatives and conservative women value as a whole. So being a

00:01:30.400 conservative woman really is about emphasizing how important marriage is,

00:01:34.660 not only to each of us as individuals and to our lives and how enriching it is,

00:01:38.800 but also to society and American society as a whole. But again, if you're on the

00:01:43.380 other side of the aisle and you love marriage too, that's great! And it's not to

00:01:47.320 say that you can't love marriage if you're not conservative, it's just that

00:01:50.300 conservative women look at marriage a little bit differently and a little bit

00:01:53.720 more of a necessity than just, oh this is a really nice thing that people do and

00:01:58.160 should do and love to do. So I'm excited to share with you guys why I love being

00:02:02.120 married from a conservative perspective. So let's get into it! One of the things

00:02:05.900 that I absolutely love about being married is that I'm married to a man who

00:02:09.880 believes in marriage as much as I do. When you're conservative, it's important to

00:02:13.540 marry someone who shares your values. And my husband and I were always on the same

00:02:17.660 page about what marriage meant. But that meant that marriage for us was a huge

00:02:21.080 decision that we didn't take lightly and it was a decision that even now the two

00:02:24.740 of us are constantly checking in with each other and knowing that this is

00:02:28.400 going to be something that's going to go the distance. We don't view marriage as

00:02:31.340 something that we just did because we fell in love. We view it as this is the

00:02:34.820 building block for us to have a family, be part of a community, and this is long term.

00:02:40.280 So when I look at my husband and we talk about marriage, it's very comforting to me to

00:02:44.300 know that he feels as strongly about our marriage as I do and about how important

00:02:48.860 it is for us to work on it and make sure it's healthy and our relationship stays

00:02:52.700 together and we stay on the same page as regards our relationship. So we really do

00:02:57.420 take care of our marriage, make sure to talk about it, communicate obviously. As

00:03:02.120 everyone says, communication is the key to marriage and it's so true. And we are

00:03:06.480 always checking in with each other because I don't have to fear that my

00:03:09.300 husband views marriage as something that's temporary. He and I both view it from a

00:03:13.280 conservative perspective that this is something that's important for us,

00:03:15.860 important for our society, important for our country. And it's so important for me

00:03:20.300 to have married a man who does view marriage that way, who does see marriage as

00:03:24.320 something that is a building block for our lives and for our futures. So that's

00:03:29.480 something that makes me so happy as a conservative woman and as a married woman

00:03:33.080 as a wife. The next reason that I love my life being a conservative wife is that I

00:03:39.520 view my marriage and my future family and my children as the most important thing in

00:03:44.980 my life. So I have other passions, I have a job, my husband has a job, but we know what

00:03:50.140 we're doing it all for and that's gonna be for our family and for the community we

00:03:54.100 build and that we're a part of. And the reason that is a conservative value is

00:03:58.240 because I don't have to fight with that part of myself that's thinking that I'm

00:04:03.040 oppressed by the patriarchy. That feminist idea that because I'm putting family

00:04:07.100 first it means I can't put career first and I've just been oppressed by that, I

00:04:11.600 don't feel that at all. I feel that as a conservative woman I've made the right

00:04:15.500 choices. I've put the most important things at the forefront of my life and

00:04:20.060 that's gonna be the love that I have and the values that I'm gonna instill in my

00:04:24.100 children and in my family. And being married has really clarified for me what

00:04:28.240 my life goals are and it's not just for me ambition in my work but it is that

00:04:32.900 wholesome view of my life, that holistic view of my life, of a husband and a

00:04:39.140 family and career which will support that. So I love that as a married woman I can

00:04:44.180 really take advantage of these parts of my life that as a single woman it's

00:04:49.400 something you look forward to. It's something that you're kind of growing

00:04:51.680 towards but not necessarily there yet. And when you're married you can really

00:04:55.720 recognize what matters, what is important, what your purpose is, and what your

00:05:00.720 mission is. And I can't wait for the future as my husband and I continue to

00:05:04.800 grow towards that with our children and our family. Now another thing that's

00:05:08.880 great now that I'm a wife is that I don't have to date anymore. Dating is so hard.

00:05:14.580 Finding the person who's going to not only mesh with you personality-wise but

00:05:19.440 also compatibility-wise and is going to fit with those values that you want for

00:05:24.000 your future and fit into the idea of what you want from your life is so tricky.

00:05:30.420 And it is so hard to find that person who fits all those things for you. And when I

00:05:35.220 met Jacob it was like thank God. I felt like I could just breathe a sigh of relief

00:05:41.640 because Jacob and I knew really early on that we wanted to get married and it

00:05:45.540 wasn't even a question that either one of us was afraid of. It was something that

00:05:49.920 we both were really excited about. And when you're dating there's this constant

00:05:54.180 push and pull of should we compromise here? Are we going to fit together? And

00:05:58.380 it's just not necessarily something that you can really have a good time with. Now

00:06:02.460 of course there are some fun parts of dating so that's not to say that every

00:06:05.940 part of dating is awful but dating as a whole is a little bit of an anxiety trip.

00:06:11.160 Whereas when you're married that anxiety really does go away in a lot of ways.

00:06:16.200 Of course there's a lot of new anxieties but there are much less than that big

00:06:20.700 huge question of who am I going to spend my life with. And when you're married you

00:06:25.440 don't have to worry about that in the same way. You're with this person, hopefully

00:06:28.980 that you've chosen that, does share your values, and does view marriage as

00:06:31.980 something that's as important as you do and the two of you can really make a life

00:06:36.900 together. And that is just the best of all worlds. It's just the greatest thing

00:06:41.700 ever. Being married to my husband is so nice because I don't have to hide my

00:06:45.140 conservatism with my husband or even feel like I shouldn't say something. Of

00:06:49.040 course you guys know that I lived my life in fear of talking about being

00:06:53.000 conservative because I was in the arts and I was scared about it. And if I had

00:06:56.480 married somebody who didn't share my values I would have felt nervous to

00:07:00.440 bring things up. Maybe it would have started a fight, something like that. I

00:07:03.980 never have to worry about that with my husband because we do share values. And

00:07:07.520 that's something that I think is a conservative idea which is that you

00:07:11.300 should marry somebody who does share your views because it's just gonna make

00:07:14.420 your life so much easier. And when you're trying to raise kids you're gonna be

00:07:17.780 doing it with the same idea in mind. And I just love that my husband and I really

00:07:22.100 don't have to worry about that. It's something that the two of us feel really

00:07:25.100 comfortable talking about and really enjoy talking about. The two of us talk

00:07:28.460 about conservatism a lot. It's just part of our daily conversation. And it's just a

00:07:32.900 great thing for me and for him that we don't feel that nervousness and anxiety

00:07:37.580 about can I bring this up? Is this gonna start a fight? Or whatever. So it's just

00:07:42.140 something that I love about being married as a conservative woman. As I've said

00:07:46.140 before in my videos about marriage, we're invested in each other's growth. And you

00:07:49.920 don't get that from anyone else. You don't get that from friends or parents in the

00:07:53.060 same way that you do with a spouse. With the person who is not only viewing you

00:07:57.700 as their partner but also is kind of the other half of themselves. And they really

00:08:02.000 want you to be the best version of you because that's also the best version of

00:08:05.540 them. And to know that there's somebody else who cares this much about who you

00:08:10.400 are, what you are, in the best way possible, is so comforting. And it also

00:08:15.540 makes you realize that this person is not only helping you be a better wife but

00:08:19.520 they're also helping you be a better mother. Because by you improving, it's not

00:08:22.880 just you improving for yourself and for your husband but also for your future

00:08:27.020 children. And having a husband who does help me with that and I can help him with

00:08:31.080 that makes my life so much richer. And I just love that about being married. The

00:08:35.940 thing about being married is that marriage is the basic building block of

00:08:39.240 a community. It's the first part. It's a brick in the building that is a community.

00:08:44.340 And I say this because when you get married, you're ready to put down roots.

00:08:48.240 You're ready to settle down, have a family, and really start a life. And I've been

00:08:53.740 part of a community where it was all singles. I was in a community in New York that

00:08:57.840 was really all single people. And it was a community in the sense that you had

00:09:01.920 friends and people all went to the same synagogues. But it wasn't a community in

00:09:06.300 the sense that everyone was transitory. Everyone knew that this wasn't

00:09:09.700 permanent. That they were going to be moving out as soon as they met the person

00:09:12.540 that they wanted to be with and that they would start a family somewhere else.

00:09:15.120 And so when you have that feeling of, oh this isn't stability, people are leaving,

00:09:20.460 it's not a community in the same way. But a real community is with families, is with

00:09:25.200 children growing up, knowing each other, becoming friends, and spending time in

00:09:29.640 school together as their parents all become friends with each other too.

00:09:32.040 That's the building blocks of a community. And so that's why marriage is

00:09:36.180 so important. It's so lovely. And it really is so fulfilling. I mean being

00:09:41.100 married is what makes you feel like you have a goal in life, a mission, and it

00:09:46.080 really makes you less of a selfish person. Now people will tell you that being in a

00:09:50.400 long-term relationship is the same as being married. And there are a lot of

00:09:53.400 reasons that's not the case. There's the practical reason of marriage is a

00:09:57.840 contract. And I know that takes some of the romance out of it, but the fact is

00:10:01.500 it's true. When two people build a building together, a contractor and a

00:10:04.800 developer, they don't do it without a contract. Because if the contractor

00:10:08.460 decides he wants to walk off and not finish the job, the developer is left with a

00:10:12.360 half-finished building that he still has to pay for. You would never do that.

00:10:15.720 That's not something you would ever do. But with relationships people do that all the

00:10:18.660 time. They'll have children out of wedlock and one person can just leave. And you have

00:10:23.220 that half-finished family structure that you don't have that support system there.

00:10:28.220 Now of course there are divorces where there are children, but in that case

00:10:32.220 there was still a contract. So the husband has to pay alimony or there has to be a

00:10:35.880 support system. That's just the less romantic version of why a marriage

00:10:39.660 contract is so important. But the deeper reason that marriage is so important is

00:10:43.740 that it prevents you from being selfish. In saying, I don't want to make this

00:10:48.900 really intense commitment where I can't walk away at any time if I see something

00:10:52.380 better. Because you don't get to do that when you're married. You have to sink all

00:10:56.700 your love and your life into another person and into your future children. And

00:11:01.140 it's not something that you can just walk away from with no strings attached. Your

00:11:05.340 mission becomes your family and it's not just about you anymore. You are

00:11:09.420 demonstrating to yourself and to the world that it's about the two of you as a

00:11:13.260 a team. And you can't walk away. And from a more selfish perspective, the fact is

00:11:17.580 when you're married you don't have to worry that your partner can just walk

00:11:20.940 away either. You have a spouse who has committed himself to you too. So there

00:11:25.920 isn't this fear that he can just leave. My anxiety really went away when I got

00:11:29.820 married because it was this feeling of, oh my husband has chosen me and he's not

00:11:33.540 gonna walk away. And the marriage contract is just a symbol of that too. External

00:11:39.660 obligations are not just about taking away your freedom. They're also about

00:11:43.800 giving you meaning. And when you're only living for yourself and for your wants

00:11:48.780 and desires, that in and of itself is a cage. You're just following your animal

00:11:53.780 instincts instead of just living for a higher purpose. And so when you get

00:11:58.500 married, even though there's this sort of feeling that the freedom is gone, it's not.

00:12:03.120 Because you're free to explore the higher levels of you, of yourself, of your

00:12:07.500 relationship. And you're forced to examine those external obligations and

00:12:10.800 really put your heart and soul into another person, which only makes you

00:12:15.120 better. As you can see, I'm a big fan of marriage, I'm a big proponent of it, and I

00:12:20.520 am so happy I'm a wife. But I'm really excited to talk about all of the different

00:12:25.020 aspects of what make me so happy to be a conservative woman. And this was just the

00:12:29.980 first episode in that series. So let me know in the comments below what makes you

00:12:34.260 happy to be a conservative woman, why you love your life as a conservative woman.

00:12:37.440 I'd love to hear. Thank you so much for watching today's video. Please subscribe

00:12:41.160 to my channel and blog if you haven't already. Head over to my Twitter,

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00:12:51.760 classicallyabbey.locals.com if you'd like to support my channel, see more of this

00:12:55.140 content and be part of our community, and I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye!

Classically Abby - July 30, 2020

Why I Love My CONSERVATIVE Life! ｜｜ Let's talk about why marriage is the best choice I ever made 💍

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