Classically Abby - June 15, 2022


Why Is Motherhood Put Down When It Is THE Hardest Job？？ ⧸⧸ New mom shares her thoughts!


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

177.89589

Word Count

1,997

Sentence Count

130


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Hello, Classic Crew, and welcome to today's video where I'm going to be sharing some of my thoughts
00:00:04.720 on becoming a new mom.
00:00:23.040 If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values,
00:00:26.660 and I would love if you would consider subscribing and hitting that notification bell
00:00:29.560 If you haven't checked out my Substack newsletter where you'll get access to a ton of exclusive content
00:00:33.780 including my podcast and my book club, make sure to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com
00:00:38.820 Now, on my channel, I've been doing a series where I sort of chat with you guys about some thoughts I've been having
00:00:45.300 and work through some things with you all because I love that we have a community here
00:00:50.320 where we can be open and honest about the things we're thinking about and have a support system.
00:00:55.900 So I like to share kind of where I'm at, and this is such a huge shift in my life as I've become a new mom.
00:01:03.120 I just recently had my son. He is seven weeks old, and I feel like I've changed so much.
00:01:12.120 And I want to share this whole experience with you all.
00:01:16.120 So this series really isn't meant to change anyone's mind. It's more about having a conversation and seeing
00:01:22.120 kind of what you guys think and having a conversation in the comments.
00:01:25.740 So make sure to leave your thoughts down below. I'd love to hear.
00:01:28.960 And let's get into today's video.
00:01:30.540 The thing I wanted to start off talking about now that I'm a new mom,
00:01:34.340 and it was something that I realized really early on after having my son,
00:01:40.040 is the difference between having a baby with the idea that you're going to be a stay-at-home mom
00:01:46.240 and having a baby with the idea that you're going to be a working mom.
00:01:50.760 So even though I work from home and I'm a stay-at-home mom, I do do this.
00:01:54.960 I do these videos, and I have my sub-stack, and I create content for you all.
00:01:59.540 And so I would consider myself kind of like part-time, but I still work.
00:02:04.000 Having my son, I sort of realized that when you work and you have a baby,
00:02:08.960 there's this part of you that's trying to figure out how is my baby going to fit into the life I
00:02:16.240 already had? How is he going to fit into my schedule? How am I going to make him and his
00:02:23.120 schedule work with me and my schedule? As opposed to when you have a baby and your entire goal is
00:02:32.900 to be a mother, and that is your job. It's not about getting him to fit into what was.
00:02:41.820 Now it's like, okay, well now this is what it's going to be. This is my new normal. This is what
00:02:47.240 I've always been wanting. This is what I've been aiming towards. So now I can create a whole new life,
00:02:52.460 a whole new vision of what I'm going to do with my time that is built around motherhood,
00:02:58.820 that is built around being at home and raising this child.
00:03:02.900 And I remember thinking early on when I had my son that it must be so nice to have a baby and
00:03:12.980 not be worried about how you're going to get back into the swing of things. Just thinking that,
00:03:18.320 okay, well now it starts. This is the beginning. This is the beginning of everything. And what my
00:03:24.360 schedule looks like will be determined by my son as opposed to what my schedule looks like needs to
00:03:31.120 fit in what I was doing before. Now I'm not saying I don't think you should work. I'm not saying that
00:03:36.900 I don't want to do my work here. I do. But I think that there is a really nice comforting thing about
00:03:44.900 saying, if you're a stay-at-home mom and that's your job, this is it. This is, now I get to figure it
00:03:52.600 out. And I don't have to worry about him working with me now, if that makes sense.
00:03:59.840 There's something I'm a little jealous about for women who are just stay-at-home and just can do that.
00:04:06.360 And it's a beautiful thing. I think the women who do that are, they're doing the best job in the world
00:04:13.980 and the hardest job. That's the next thing I want to talk about is that being a mom is the hardest
00:04:22.020 thing I've ever done. It's the hardest job I will ever do. The idea that we look down on mothers who
00:04:29.360 are stay-at-home as if they're doing less than women who are in the workplace is a joke. Like
00:04:33.800 anything I do here, like for my work here, is not nearly as difficult as anything I do to raise my
00:04:41.560 child. We should be so much more grateful for the women who are stay-at-home moms and who are
00:04:49.380 raising children as their full-time jobs. My mom used to say, my mom worked and my dad stayed at
00:04:56.240 home with us. But my mom used to say that going to work was a vacation because work was so much less
00:05:02.440 intensive than being a mom. And she didn't mean it in a negative way. She didn't mean that being at
00:05:07.280 home wasn't fun. Like it was hard work in the sense that it was not like good. But it was in the sense
00:05:13.880 that working and doing this kind of work career is such a different thing than the manual practical
00:05:22.420 labor of being in it with your kid all day. It makes me have so much more respect for all women
00:05:29.520 who are moms and for this vocation. It's a vocation. Being a mother is the greatest thing that anyone can
00:05:39.400 do. And it is so intense and beautiful. I just, it is life-altering. There's no going back once you
00:05:51.160 have a baby. And you can't view life in the same way either. But I think about how lucky I am that I do
00:05:58.040 get to work from home and that I do have the flexibility of my schedule because I have had a
00:06:03.960 really intense breastfeeding journey. Right away it was like a little bit difficult but it wasn't
00:06:10.020 terrible. And then I got really engorged when my milk came in and my son couldn't latch and that was
00:06:14.660 really stressful because I felt like I wasn't giving him what he needed. And then it seemed like we were
00:06:18.460 in a groove but then he was spitting up so much that he wasn't gaining weight well. And so now I had to
00:06:24.320 try a million different things so that he would get what he needed. Turns out I have an oversupply
00:06:28.680 of milk. And I have an oversupply of four milk. And I have a fast letdown. So I have to pump the first
00:06:37.300 ounce off of each breast so that he doesn't get too much four milk. And I have to recline when I feed
00:06:43.940 him. And I have to wear a nipple shield for the first five to ten minutes that he nurses. And you know,
00:06:50.960 it's a lot. It's a lot of work. And I also have to wear him sometimes and keep him upright after he
00:06:57.400 feeds so he doesn't spit up all over. And you know, it's such an investment of my time and effort and
00:07:04.360 energy. And I love it. I didn't even realize how much time and effort I'd put in until my lactation
00:07:12.480 consultant told me, you know, you're doing so much and not every woman would do that. And not every woman
00:07:19.940 could do that. And that really kind of made me feel really good. And it also made me feel sad that
00:07:27.560 this is not something that every woman could do. Because I was able to do all this. I was able to
00:07:33.880 take all this time and energy and effort to do what my son needed from me. But not every woman gets that
00:07:40.220 luxury. And it also made me feel gratified that all of the hard work I was doing was being recognized as
00:07:46.460 this isn't something that everyone would do. But being able to do it at all at home is a huge
00:07:54.980 blessing. The last thing I want to touch on today is how much of love is built on responsibility and
00:08:02.280 commitment. When I had my son, I thought to myself, the reason I love him so much, not the only reason
00:08:08.420 obviously, like he's my baby, I gave birth to him, all these things. But thinking about it, so much of the
00:08:14.560 reason that we love our babies is because we owe them so much. We have so much commitment to them.
00:08:20.000 We have been responsible for them. We grew them, we bore them, and then we feed them and make sure
00:08:25.460 that they survive. And all of those things, all of that together, makes us really invested in who they
00:08:33.080 are. And that is love. The love that I have for my son is not just random. It's, this is because I
00:08:41.000 I am committed to you. I am responsible for you. And that is love. And that translates obviously into
00:08:47.300 other kinds of love. Marriage, the reason that that love is so strong and powerful is because
00:08:52.620 of that commitment, because of the responsibility that you have to each other. Love isn't born in a
00:08:58.460 vacuum. And it can't survive without those commitments and those responsibilities that you have to one
00:09:04.400 another. Or that you have for someone. Because obviously a baby doesn't have that to you yet,
00:09:09.460 quite yet. And doesn't for very many years. But the fact that you have been given the responsibility
00:09:15.880 of that child and they are yours alone. That is one of the most beautiful ways to grow and experience
00:09:23.700 love. So those are some thoughts I've been having in motherhood. I feel like,
00:09:30.780 you know, there's a video I want to make about how important it is to have community for moms.
00:09:38.740 And how I think that the term stay at home mom, I kind of hate it. Because I think that it implies
00:09:44.640 that you are at home and you are trapped there. As opposed to homemaker, somebody who makes a home.
00:09:51.780 And I just think that it's so important that we have a community. And it's really isolating when you
00:09:56.760 don't. At this point, where we are located, we really don't have a community. And it has been
00:10:04.120 really isolating. And I look forward to us moving to Florida to be closer to family, to be in a Jewish
00:10:10.440 community, and to have that support that I so crave. Because right now, I feel that motherhood is
00:10:17.280 very lonely. And it doesn't have to be. And it shouldn't be. That's something I think about a lot.
00:10:22.800 is that the motherhood community that we used to have, because all women were working as mothers,
00:10:29.160 that was their vocation, that was their job, as opposed to being in the workplace. We don't have
00:10:33.500 that anymore. The community that women have built is now in the workplace. So you leave home to go to
00:10:39.400 work so you can experience, you know, adult interaction, as opposed to, oh, we're all moms,
00:10:46.020 we all get together, and we all take care of our kids together. Just some thoughts I want to
00:10:50.860 expand upon in a different video. But let me know your guys' thoughts in the comments. I'd love to
00:10:55.300 hear. If you're not already subscribed to my channel, make sure to hit that subscribe button
00:10:58.800 and that notification bell. If you aren't already subscribed to my Substack newsletter, what are you
00:11:03.380 waiting for? Make sure to head over to classicallyabby.substack.com. And if you want to follow me on
00:11:07.660 social media, it's at classicallyabby absolutely everywhere. Thank you so much for watching, and I'll see
00:11:11.660 you guys in my next video. Bye!