Classically Abby - Why YOU Need To Discuss Marriage By The SECOND Date

00:00:00.080 Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about

00:00:04.720 why waiting to ask the big questions is just a big waste of time.

00:00:14.960 If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values,

00:00:19.040 and a huge part of that is dating and relationships. I find the entire topic

00:00:24.720 very interesting and I really like sharing my thoughts on it in today's modern era where dating

00:00:31.440 seems to be devoid of purpose and marriage is put off until way too late. So I like to talk about it

00:00:37.920 from a traditional perspective, from a classic perspective, and give you advice on how to

00:00:43.360 actually get what you want out of dating. Because I think a lot of the time we get distracted with

00:00:48.320 this whole narrative that dating needs to be so much fun and like a big party, but at the end of

00:00:53.280 the day dating is fun but it is for a purpose and it's for a reason and if you don't treat it that

00:00:59.440 way well you're gonna end up unhappy in the end. So I'm really excited to get into today's video.

00:01:05.120 Today we're going to be talking about this big topic of asking the big questions and why it's

00:01:09.760 important. So if you're not already subscribed to my channel hit that subscribe button now and hit

00:01:14.480 that notification bell so you can get notified of all my new videos and I would love if you would

00:01:18.000 also consider subscribing to my Substack newsletter where you'll get access to a ton of exclusive content

00:01:22.800 not available anywhere else. So now let's get into today's video. So if you have dated in the modern

00:01:29.920 era you'll know that dating is stressful because there are a lot of people who have taken the poison

00:01:36.960 pill that tells them that dating is just for fun and then they don't want to get into those big

00:01:42.400 questions. They don't want to have the relationship defining talk which I find to be ridiculous because

00:01:48.160 that should be the first conversation that you have and it ends up delaying the inevitable.

00:01:54.240 That is where I want to start with this video. When you wait to ask those big questions essentially

00:02:00.640 do you want to have children do you want to get married you are just going to be delaying the

00:02:04.960 inevitable until you're too far in for it to be a an emotionless breakup right. If you're dating someone

00:02:12.560 and you guys really have chemistry and you're getting along you're hitting it off everything

00:02:17.520 seems to be going well but you're avoiding those big questions because maybe you know the answer to them

00:02:23.280 then you're going to get really emotionally invested and delay what's going to happen anyway

00:02:30.240 by however long that might take. Now I know a lot of women who wait far too long to ask those big 0.97

00:02:37.520 questions and then they don't feel comfortable asking those big questions when it comes down to

00:02:42.960 it so they're a year into their relationship and they can't ask are we getting married are we going

00:02:48.560 to have a family because they waited too long now they could ask right they should ask when I say they

00:02:55.520 they can't ask what I mean is that they feel scared to ask because they are emotionally invested

00:03:01.680 they are invested in that relationship and think okay I've put in so much time and energy into this

00:03:07.920 relationship that for me to actually give up by asking the big question which will resolve an

00:03:13.840 answer that I should have had a very long time ago is going to actually undermine me it will not

00:03:19.680 undermine you it'll allow you to move forward but there is that some cost fallacy that idea that

00:03:25.840 I invested a lot of time and energy into something so therefore I can't back out I need to keep

00:03:33.440 investing more and more and more not true but this is why delaying asking those big questions is going

00:03:41.520 to get you in trouble because you're delaying the inevitable of finding out the truth finding out who

00:03:48.640 this guy is and what he wants now I don't think that the guy you marry has to be perfect I don't think

00:03:54.560 that the guy you're dating needs to be all figured out and have everything solved he should be as you

00:04:01.440 are a work in progress but somebody who wants to improve and grow over time but there are certain

00:04:07.840 things that are non-negotiable and two of those things are marriage and children he needs to have 0.52

00:04:14.000 the right answer to those questions pretty early on because you don't ever want to marry somebody who is 0.99

00:04:20.720 hesitant to marry you that is a whole mess that you don't even want to get involved in so much of

00:04:28.000 the time what happens is that you end up stuck with a guy who you can't have a future with but you

00:04:35.120 don't want to break up with it can be really difficult when you're in those situations to actually see

00:04:43.440 the good of ending things breakups are hard breakups are painful and so i'm somebody who tends to

00:04:52.240 to suggest that we should not put ourselves in situations where we're going to have to go through

00:04:57.120 a lot of breakups that are painful or a breakup that comes at the end of three years that could

00:05:03.280 have been spent better somewhere else often what ends up happening in today's day and age is we get

00:05:10.000 stuck and mired in relationships that don't have a future and a lot of that comes from not asking

00:05:18.080 those big questions early on right we want to imagine a world where the chemistry will be enough

00:05:24.960 to carry us through all the way to the wedding but chemistry and compatibility are not the same i've

00:05:31.520 talked about this a lot on my channel i have a video on it i have a podcast on it you could listen to

00:05:36.720 them but the thing about it is that chemistry on its own is not going to make a relationship survive

00:05:43.200 compatibility on its own will not make a relationship survive you need both so having chemistry with

00:05:49.760 someone and avoiding the compatibility question can actually set you on a path of being with someone

00:05:56.160 for a really long time maybe even two three four years and never having that that future set in stone

00:06:06.560 you can be having a great time but you don't actually have a guarantee that they're going to stick

00:06:11.840 around and that is a terrible feeling and that's a real problem when you could have been dating other

00:06:18.080 people finding the person you were going to marry starting your future but instead you are stuck with

00:06:23.600 someone who you love to hang out with but who doesn't have a future with you in mind that can be solved

00:06:31.200 very quickly if near the beginning of your dating you get those big questions out of the way

00:06:36.320 now i want to be clear i don't think that the first date you need to get this all solved

00:06:41.040 i don't think it's bad to do it on a first date but a lot of people can feel a little bit hesitant

00:06:45.520 on a first date to get into those big questions now the reason i say i don't think it needs to happen

00:06:51.200 on a first date is because i think a first date can be used to feel out how the chemistry is i think

00:06:58.800 you can just see okay do we get along do we like each other and you might get like a little infatuation

00:07:03.920 but you're not going to like fall head over heels over anyone in that short amount of time but by

00:07:08.960 date two you are getting into something more serious you could be seeing this person with kind

00:07:16.240 of an eye toward the future and so you have a right to ask those questions of what do you think about

00:07:22.640 marriage what do you think about kids or it can come up more organically in the conversation as you

00:07:27.360 guys talk about your siblings and your family and your parents and what you would want and see how

00:07:32.160 they respond that stuff does need to happen early it does and theoretically if you're dating within

00:07:40.160 your faith and you're dating within your religion the person across from you at the table is going to

00:07:45.040 be on the same page as you are hopefully that they're going to want the same things that you do want a

00:07:51.680 family want to get married but that isn't always the case there are guys who are religious and are still

00:08:00.400 afraid of committing and still afraid of getting serious and you can feel that out and you have a

00:08:06.560 right to and i think that's really important as women we have a right to ask these big questions 1.00

00:08:12.800 we have a right to know if we're making a good investment dating is an investment it's an investment

00:08:18.720 of our time it's an investment of our energy it's an investment of the care we might take of that person

00:08:24.800 and we have a right to know if it's a good investment so asking that question early on

00:08:30.320 is going to make a huge difference to the rest of that relationship and you can start to trust each

00:08:36.240 other more and more over time as opposed to falling deeper in love but feeling insecure that is never

00:08:44.080 worth it it might be fun and it might confuse you because that insecurity can often be confused with

00:08:50.160 passion but it's not passion it's anxiety and you don't have to be anxious in a relationship because

00:08:56.240 you don't know where the other person stands the last thing i'll say about this is that when you date

00:09:01.840 someone and you don't find out early on whether or not they are interested in a longer term relationship

00:09:09.520 you will break up with them and then when you move on to the next guy you may find that you actually have

00:09:16.240 kind of a false impression of men where you don't trust them because you feel like you've been

00:09:22.960 betrayed the fact of the matter is the guy could have not been honest with you but you also didn't

00:09:27.920 ask the question and if you didn't ask the question it's kind of on both of you but you don't want to

00:09:33.520 go into your next relationship scarred and kind of give that man a hurdle to overcome that wouldn't have

00:09:40.720 been there had you been more upfront with the previous guy because doing a lot of dating can

00:09:46.400 build up calluses if you date bad guys you will build up calluses i had that experience jacob had

00:09:52.960 to break through some barriers with me because i dated some bad guys and in this situation if you didn't

00:10:00.480 ask the question first and you got deeper and deeper into something that didn't have a future

00:10:05.440 it's on you more than him because he didn't want to ask that question anyway and not every guy is

00:10:14.880 like that but it is now possible that you will view all men that way and that's not good for you either

00:10:20.720 because dating should be fun but also the guy you end up with you want to trust you want him to feel

00:10:28.400 like you trust him and you want to trust him it just is a nicer thing for you so asking those big

00:10:34.960 questions just do it it's scary it can be hard it can break that chemistry that you were excited about

00:10:42.480 but doing it early is so much better than waiting and waiting and waiting until you are so deep that

00:10:50.480 there is no way you're not going to have an emotional breakup or waste your own time so that is today's

00:10:57.680 video let me know your thoughts in the comments i'd love to hear if you aren't already subscribed to

00:11:02.400 my channel hit that subscribe button now and hit that notification bell and if you aren't subscribed

00:11:06.400 to my sub stack newsletter go ahead and do that now so you can get access to my podcast and book club

00:11:10.880 and all that fun stuff if you haven't followed me on social media it's at classically abbey absolutely

00:11:16.240 everywhere thank you so much for watching and i'll see you guys in my next video

00:11:20.080 bye

Classically Abby - December 30, 2021

Why YOU Need To Discuss Marriage By The SECOND Date

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