Why YOU Need To Discuss Marriage By The SECOND Date
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
183.4873
Summary
In today's episode, we re talking about why waiting to ask the big questions is a waste of time and why it s important to figure out who you re dating and what you want out of a relationship. In today's modern era, where dating seems to be devoid of purpose and marriage is put off until it s way too late, I m here to talk about how to actually get what you need out of dating.
Transcript
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Hello Classic Crew and welcome to today's video where we're going to be talking about
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why waiting to ask the big questions is just a big waste of time.
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If you are new to my channel, here we talk about classic living and traditional values,
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and a huge part of that is dating and relationships. I find the entire topic
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very interesting and I really like sharing my thoughts on it in today's modern era where dating
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seems to be devoid of purpose and marriage is put off until way too late. So I like to talk about it
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from a traditional perspective, from a classic perspective, and give you advice on how to
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actually get what you want out of dating. Because I think a lot of the time we get distracted with
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this whole narrative that dating needs to be so much fun and like a big party, but at the end of
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the day dating is fun but it is for a purpose and it's for a reason and if you don't treat it that
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way well you're gonna end up unhappy in the end. So I'm really excited to get into today's video.
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Today we're going to be talking about this big topic of asking the big questions and why it's
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important. So if you're not already subscribed to my channel hit that subscribe button now and hit
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that notification bell so you can get notified of all my new videos and I would love if you would
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also consider subscribing to my Substack newsletter where you'll get access to a ton of exclusive content
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not available anywhere else. So now let's get into today's video. So if you have dated in the modern
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era you'll know that dating is stressful because there are a lot of people who have taken the poison
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pill that tells them that dating is just for fun and then they don't want to get into those big
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questions. They don't want to have the relationship defining talk which I find to be ridiculous because
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that should be the first conversation that you have and it ends up delaying the inevitable.
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That is where I want to start with this video. When you wait to ask those big questions essentially
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do you want to have children do you want to get married you are just going to be delaying the
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inevitable until you're too far in for it to be a an emotionless breakup right. If you're dating someone
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and you guys really have chemistry and you're getting along you're hitting it off everything
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seems to be going well but you're avoiding those big questions because maybe you know the answer to them
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then you're going to get really emotionally invested and delay what's going to happen anyway
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by however long that might take. Now I know a lot of women who wait far too long to ask those big
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questions and then they don't feel comfortable asking those big questions when it comes down to
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it so they're a year into their relationship and they can't ask are we getting married are we going
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to have a family because they waited too long now they could ask right they should ask when I say they
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they can't ask what I mean is that they feel scared to ask because they are emotionally invested
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they are invested in that relationship and think okay I've put in so much time and energy into this
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relationship that for me to actually give up by asking the big question which will resolve an
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answer that I should have had a very long time ago is going to actually undermine me it will not
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undermine you it'll allow you to move forward but there is that some cost fallacy that idea that
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I invested a lot of time and energy into something so therefore I can't back out I need to keep
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investing more and more and more not true but this is why delaying asking those big questions is going
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to get you in trouble because you're delaying the inevitable of finding out the truth finding out who
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this guy is and what he wants now I don't think that the guy you marry has to be perfect I don't think
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that the guy you're dating needs to be all figured out and have everything solved he should be as you
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are a work in progress but somebody who wants to improve and grow over time but there are certain
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things that are non-negotiable and two of those things are marriage and children he needs to have
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the right answer to those questions pretty early on because you don't ever want to marry somebody who is
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hesitant to marry you that is a whole mess that you don't even want to get involved in so much of
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the time what happens is that you end up stuck with a guy who you can't have a future with but you
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don't want to break up with it can be really difficult when you're in those situations to actually see
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the good of ending things breakups are hard breakups are painful and so i'm somebody who tends to
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to suggest that we should not put ourselves in situations where we're going to have to go through
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a lot of breakups that are painful or a breakup that comes at the end of three years that could
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have been spent better somewhere else often what ends up happening in today's day and age is we get
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stuck and mired in relationships that don't have a future and a lot of that comes from not asking
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those big questions early on right we want to imagine a world where the chemistry will be enough
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to carry us through all the way to the wedding but chemistry and compatibility are not the same i've
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talked about this a lot on my channel i have a video on it i have a podcast on it you could listen to
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them but the thing about it is that chemistry on its own is not going to make a relationship survive
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compatibility on its own will not make a relationship survive you need both so having chemistry with
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someone and avoiding the compatibility question can actually set you on a path of being with someone
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for a really long time maybe even two three four years and never having that that future set in stone
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you can be having a great time but you don't actually have a guarantee that they're going to stick
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around and that is a terrible feeling and that's a real problem when you could have been dating other
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people finding the person you were going to marry starting your future but instead you are stuck with
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someone who you love to hang out with but who doesn't have a future with you in mind that can be solved
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very quickly if near the beginning of your dating you get those big questions out of the way
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now i want to be clear i don't think that the first date you need to get this all solved
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i don't think it's bad to do it on a first date but a lot of people can feel a little bit hesitant
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on a first date to get into those big questions now the reason i say i don't think it needs to happen
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on a first date is because i think a first date can be used to feel out how the chemistry is i think
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you can just see okay do we get along do we like each other and you might get like a little infatuation
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but you're not going to like fall head over heels over anyone in that short amount of time but by
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date two you are getting into something more serious you could be seeing this person with kind
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of an eye toward the future and so you have a right to ask those questions of what do you think about
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marriage what do you think about kids or it can come up more organically in the conversation as you
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guys talk about your siblings and your family and your parents and what you would want and see how
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they respond that stuff does need to happen early it does and theoretically if you're dating within
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your faith and you're dating within your religion the person across from you at the table is going to
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be on the same page as you are hopefully that they're going to want the same things that you do want a
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family want to get married but that isn't always the case there are guys who are religious and are still
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afraid of committing and still afraid of getting serious and you can feel that out and you have a
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right to and i think that's really important as women we have a right to ask these big questions
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we have a right to know if we're making a good investment dating is an investment it's an investment
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of our time it's an investment of our energy it's an investment of the care we might take of that person
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and we have a right to know if it's a good investment so asking that question early on
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is going to make a huge difference to the rest of that relationship and you can start to trust each
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other more and more over time as opposed to falling deeper in love but feeling insecure that is never
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worth it it might be fun and it might confuse you because that insecurity can often be confused with
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passion but it's not passion it's anxiety and you don't have to be anxious in a relationship because
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you don't know where the other person stands the last thing i'll say about this is that when you date
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someone and you don't find out early on whether or not they are interested in a longer term relationship
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you will break up with them and then when you move on to the next guy you may find that you actually have
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kind of a false impression of men where you don't trust them because you feel like you've been
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betrayed the fact of the matter is the guy could have not been honest with you but you also didn't
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ask the question and if you didn't ask the question it's kind of on both of you but you don't want to
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go into your next relationship scarred and kind of give that man a hurdle to overcome that wouldn't have
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been there had you been more upfront with the previous guy because doing a lot of dating can
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build up calluses if you date bad guys you will build up calluses i had that experience jacob had
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to break through some barriers with me because i dated some bad guys and in this situation if you didn't
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ask the question first and you got deeper and deeper into something that didn't have a future
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it's on you more than him because he didn't want to ask that question anyway and not every guy is
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like that but it is now possible that you will view all men that way and that's not good for you either
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because dating should be fun but also the guy you end up with you want to trust you want him to feel
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like you trust him and you want to trust him it just is a nicer thing for you so asking those big
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questions just do it it's scary it can be hard it can break that chemistry that you were excited about
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but doing it early is so much better than waiting and waiting and waiting until you are so deep that
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there is no way you're not going to have an emotional breakup or waste your own time so that is today's
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video let me know your thoughts in the comments i'd love to hear if you aren't already subscribed to
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my channel hit that subscribe button now and hit that notification bell and if you aren't subscribed
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to my sub stack newsletter go ahead and do that now so you can get access to my podcast and book club
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and all that fun stuff if you haven't followed me on social media it's at classically abbey absolutely
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everywhere thank you so much for watching and i'll see you guys in my next video