Dale Partridge - Church and the Home

00:00:00.000 Welcome to our home. My name is Dale Partridge, and I'm here with my wife, Veronica.

00:00:09.540 Hey.

00:00:10.180 Our hope is to help you cultivate a glorious Christian home. This episode is titled Church

00:00:15.680 and the Home. If you're new here, each episode is broken into two parts. Part one is available

00:00:22.180 for free on every podcast platform, but part two is only available in the ReLearn app.

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00:01:22.420 app. In part one of today's episode, we're going to be discussing how to cultivate a love and

00:01:29.060 respect for the church in the home. And in part two, we're going to be talking about a related

00:01:35.180 topic titled something like honoring authority in the church, where we're going to be discussing

00:01:42.080 setting your children up for spiritual success by loving the church and respecting pastors.

00:01:49.160 And I think this is vital because in a time of church hurt and rampant claims of, you know, ecclesiastical abuse, not to say that some of those aren't valid, but we have so many people that are, you know, I left the church because I had spiritual abuse when in reality, you were just corrected because you were sleeping with your boyfriend or whatever it may be.

00:02:09.580 And so we have a time that we need to discuss this to set your kids up so that they can have a long-term success in the church.

00:02:18.580 So let's open up with part one, church and the home.

00:02:26.000 And by the way, Veronica and I, we don't like spend a ton of time getting prepped for a lot of these shows.

00:02:32.300 These are really just kind of impromptu discussions about this.

00:02:35.840 veronica i actually said hey what do you think is important this week to talk about and you brought

00:02:40.720 up the topic once you share what you just said earlier yeah i just brought up the fact that i

00:02:46.080 think it's important for the church the greater church and not just like our the the church that

00:02:52.480 you shepherd um to have a discussion or examine themselves on church authority um on um you know

00:03:04.160 scripture clearly tells us to give double honor especially to those who are pastoring and teaching

00:03:11.840 and i just think that this whole millennial gen z culture um the church or sorry the culture has

00:03:18.240 influenced the church in a negative way in this area um and i just i see it a lot not necessarily

00:03:26.720 towards you directly i have seen it done towards you directly but um you know you had mentioned

00:03:32.800 you know seeing 20 year olds bantering and arguing uh with john piper who has been in ministry for

00:03:41.760 how many years yeah 50 years got a doctorate in theology and these 20 year old people are just

00:03:47.200 being super disrespectful blatantly um yeah just blatantly disrespectful and not you know being

00:03:54.640 curious before they're critical and i see it all the time and so um i think it's something that

00:04:02.800 just needs to be reminded.

00:04:04.820 Yeah. Yeah.

00:04:06.020 And so we're gonna be talking about all of this.

00:04:10.180 What Veronica said,

00:04:11.340 we'll probably be speaking more to it in part two,

00:04:13.660 but in part one, I think that's the root of it

00:04:16.280 because it's how do you get your children

00:04:18.740 to see a right, respect, honor, love

00:04:25.540 for the local church.

00:04:27.340 And so I pulled up a passage of scripture

00:04:29.440 that I'm gonna read.

00:04:30.280 It's Ephesians one, one through four.

00:04:31.960 It's Paul, and he says,

00:04:33.580 "'I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord,

00:04:35.000 urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling

00:04:36.960 which you have been called,

00:04:38.520 with all humility and gentleness, with patience,

00:04:40.640 bearing with one another in love,

00:04:42.500 eager to maintain the unity of the spirit

00:04:44.560 and the bond of peace.

00:04:46.180 There is one body and one spirit,

00:04:48.080 just as you were called to the one hope

00:04:49.900 that belongs to your call,

00:04:51.400 one Lord, one faith, one baptism,

00:04:54.160 one God and Father of all,

00:04:55.880 who is over all and through all and in all," end quote.

00:05:00.720 So when I hear passages of scripture like this,

00:05:02.900 it can seem kind of like ethereal, like, oh, it's out there,

00:05:07.740 but it's really universal teaching like that

00:05:10.680 is always applied locally.

00:05:12.680 So universal teaching, local application.

00:05:15.820 And so we need to teach our children

00:05:18.240 how God views our relationship with others in the church.

00:05:23.540 And we've seen this over the years.

00:05:26.000 you know people can leave quite radically and quickly promptly because they have a wrong view

00:05:37.440 of how god views the members of the church we don't have the same view that god has we kind of

00:05:46.160 we don't think of ourselves as covenantally tied together no they've been spending too much time

00:05:51.120 filling their brains with what social media tells them which is self-love and if somebody does

00:05:56.880 anything that disagrees with you then cut them off immediately yeah where scripture is it does

00:06:02.320 not tell you that yeah like a canceled culture that has infiltrated the church and we have again

00:06:08.560 an autonomous spirit of independence that we we don't understand covenant i mean people struggle

00:06:15.840 to understand covenant in marriage let alone covenant in in the covenant community of the

00:06:20.800 new testament church um and so i think that i i want to remind people that the church is the means

00:06:29.520 of god to implant blessing upon our family meaning that god uses the church as the ordinary means

00:06:42.240 to bless his people i mean think about how many think about all the blessings that we've had in

00:06:46.960 the last just to say the last six months how many of those have come through the people of our church

00:06:55.120 i mean almost all of them right yeah i mean there's other things that were clearly the hand

00:07:00.080 of the lord that had nothing to do with members of our church yeah but i mean outside of that

00:07:05.760 i would say almost all of them yeah so just the beautiful um from from things like correction to

00:07:15.280 things like prayer to things like financial support to uh watching our children to

00:07:25.760 giving us material things that blessed us you know whatever it may be whether it's you know

00:07:32.400 know freshly baked sourdough or you know dozens of eggs or whatever yeah um but also just friendship

00:07:42.600 and fellowship yeah i would say that's the the thing that we are blessed by the most because

00:07:50.620 it's almost daily interactions yeah and there's a sense that it's not flippant i mean we we work

00:07:59.340 hard at our church to really establish a biblical culture that isn't flippantly ready to leave at

00:08:07.900 the drop of a hat of a disagreement defense yeah yeah and so how do we teach our kids

00:08:15.660 how to not leave when they're offended you know when you think about the church

00:08:25.020 you know what do you do at home when a child that's a friend of your daughters or sons

00:08:33.420 offends them how do we how do we talk them through that yeah um i think

00:08:38.700 a common saying that i hear you say often for years many many years is to be curious before

00:08:46.540 you're critical um a lot of times if one of my children is upset because of something a friend

00:08:52.940 said or you know they're being left out or whatever whatever the circumstances

00:08:59.700 will often often ask them well do you think that they meant to do that was it

00:09:04.700 intentional or were you guys just playing you accidentally got hit in the

00:09:08.480 face it's just so to be curious about it because a lot of times when you know

00:09:13.460 say somebody did get hit in the face and they're crying because so-and-so hit

00:09:16.640 them in the face like what was an accident did they intend to hurt you no

00:09:21.020 no okay well then that's you're okay let's deal with the situation and then overlook

00:09:28.720 it your friend did not intend to do it there's been many times where you and your brother

00:09:34.080 have been playing the exact same way and you've hit your brother in the face on accident it's

00:09:38.640 you know it there shouldn't be um you shouldn't be getting in trouble because you didn't intend

00:09:44.300 to but you do need to be more aware of your surroundings and to be careful um so just

00:09:48.820 trying to walk them through that and having having them self reflect in the moment of

00:09:57.800 is this a true thing to be offended by say a different situation more emotional when

00:10:03.640 it comes to girls you know their feelings being hurt or a friend treating them differently

00:10:13.000 than they would hope or expect um a lot of times we'll talk about you know love covers

00:10:21.160 a multitude of sins um we love this brother or they love this sister and in christ and

00:10:29.520 though their words or actions may have hurt you um you know i hope that your love for

00:10:37.940 this person can overcome your your pain right now that's not to say what they what they did

00:10:44.020 wasn't hurtful um and i'm you know sorry that that happened but i think about i wonder how

00:10:49.620 many families leave churches because of conflict between children probably a lot yeah because

00:10:56.340 parents get offended when their children are offended yeah and so to teach children how to

00:11:03.060 deal with conflict like love overcome letting your love for them overlook the offense trying

00:11:10.440 to understand as you said was it on on purpose intentional is it the typical pattern is it worth

00:11:19.200 leaving an entire congregation of people for a conflict between one individual um because you

00:11:26.580 know what what are these kids going to do they're going to grow up and they're going to be teenagers

00:11:30.500 and they're going to be adults and if they've been allowed to allow conflict to make them leave

00:11:39.540 you know what's that going to do to them as adults yeah it'll just carry on it'll continue

00:11:43.620 yeah they'll never learn how to commit long term to a community of people um there was another

00:11:50.740 passage that i was thinking about on uh allowing love to overcome but i yeah i'm drawing a blank

00:11:59.860 right now but i just think that it is a valid intentional thing that we need to do with our

00:12:05.940 kids is teach them how to oh it was uh thinking about we're going to have eternal relationships

00:12:12.500 with these individuals and why can't you you know when honor and valor are boys when they get to

00:12:18.660 fight you know they have to stay committed to each other because they live in the same house

00:12:22.820 and in the same room yeah yeah they share the bed well a bunk bed you know they're right above one

00:12:30.340 another yeah and so i think just children realizing you're going to share eternity with these people

00:12:37.140 you can't just get bitter and leave yeah especially if it's over material things

00:12:43.060 like the day that you die none of this gets to go with you yeah like this is all this is trash 0.98

00:12:50.100 this is garbage this is material things none of this matters what matters is your relationship 0.99

00:12:55.300 with your brother the first friend that the lord has provided for you within the family you know 0.99

00:13:00.180 i think that like we're such a conflict averse uh i don't know maybe it's just certain people

00:13:06.500 but like we we would rather leave than deal with conflict a lot of people yeah you know they're

00:13:11.620 just like you know what i'm just going to stop answering the phone and i think it's it's such a

00:13:18.900 tragic lesson to your children for them if it's their conflict or for you if it's your conflict

00:13:26.500 just god gives us so much instruction on how to deal with conflict in the church

00:13:32.420 because he knows we're going to deal with it yeah and we just need to use it and be humble i think

00:13:37.620 that if we're willing to be humble you know what was that solves a lot of it yeah what was that

00:13:43.540 you can't you can't argue with a humble person yeah you know like all arguments are squashed if

00:13:48.340 if you're humble right it's just like an easy discussion and so i think teaching the kids how

00:13:55.300 to um i i also think about what the parable of the debtor you know when we forget how much we've

00:14:03.280 been forgiven by god we will forgive we will we will struggle to forgive others well that's why

00:14:09.960 i mentioned the self-examination um i didn't go into depth on that but yeah yeah yeah just going

00:14:15.140 you could overlook these things and and trust me i know the wounds can be deep i mean we've been hurt

00:14:21.620 before too but you just don't leave that that's the thing like the what the world does is it gets

00:14:29.060 hurt and leaves you got to teach your kids that when you get hurt because you will like i don't

00:14:34.660 care what church you go to if you get and we do close community at our church yeah that's a common

00:14:39.380 thing that we hear often well you know i was just really hurt by this this church that i used to go

00:14:44.340 to and can we just stop that like conversation everybody wants to use that as an excuse like

00:14:52.500 i have this this hurt that you're not going to understand you know what if you're a christian

00:14:58.340 there are a very very high chance that you have been hurt by another person in the church that

00:15:03.300 calls themselves a christian and it's gonna happen if it hasn't happened it will like it's just

00:15:10.180 it's going to happen and so to make it sound like you're just this woe is me unique situation

00:15:17.140 not that there aren't unique situations but not everybody's situation is unique nine times out of

00:15:20.980 ten we love being the exception yeah nine times out of ten we're going to understand or at least

00:15:26.580 have gone through something similar or know somebody's gone through something similar

00:15:29.940 um that just drives me nuts well and i think one thing we've learned is that the way people leave

00:15:34.980 is the way people come and so meaning that if you leave because of a conflict you're coming

00:15:41.940 with that mentality that the moment you have conflict here you're going to leave again

00:15:46.980 yeah and so you you like unless you can deal with that stuff so i just would encourage pastors just

00:15:52.740 to go if someone says that you go well let's deal with that in fact ideally you would go hey why

00:15:59.220 don't you before you come here why don't you go back straighten everything out with your last

00:16:04.820 people deal with the conflict um see due to your best ability of your ability to to get to the

00:16:11.200 bottom and then come to leave peacefully leave peacefully yeah yeah because we we don't want

00:16:16.220 to import your hyper offensiveness so that you leave our church and go oh i got church hurt

00:16:26.280 and someone told me i couldn't sin or or someone was rude to me or someone was disrespectful to me

00:16:33.280 and and and so yeah and when in reality you were you know correcting them in love because of their 0.93

00:16:40.080 sin but they just their flesh hated it and honestly let's just be real this is often with women oh for

00:16:47.580 sure 100 i will say that all day yeah it's often with women and this is why because men don't

00:16:53.460 usually have an issue with the conflict yeah well they could just go like just they'll they'll deal

00:16:57.780 with it and over yeah no not not all but for the most part men are generally more let's let's just

00:17:02.720 talk about it well and i think that's why so with your daughters teaching your children especially

00:17:08.480 your daughters how to overcome emotional conflict which we've you know our daughter's 10 and she's

00:17:12.500 already had a couple bouts of those moments that have been heavy enough to make her cry

00:17:16.680 and she's not a crier and she's not a crier yeah it was just like a sincere hurt and wound

00:17:22.280 um and we worked through it and you know the relationship is there and so um i think that's

00:17:30.460 why husbands it's also great when you're when your wife has a moment like that where and this

00:17:39.880 is why women can't drive the home or can't drive these decisions or the church because you have to

00:17:44.360 have a husband that's bold enough to shepherd and correct and guide gently his wife towards 0.89

00:17:53.380 reconciliation with whatever conflict she might be dealing with in the church and um and his

00:18:00.500 daughters and so those are just like a couple things that i i think of um i also think about

00:18:07.140 teaching your kids about so jesus talks about you know who are my mother and my brothers

00:18:14.840 my sisters but those who do the will of my father so in one sense he elevates

00:18:21.180 the supernatural family above the natural family now is god is jesus diminishing the natural

00:18:30.420 family no no he's not saying that you shouldn't absolutely prioritize your natural family um

00:18:37.740 in the sense of caring and loving for that's your first ministry but he's given you a realization

00:18:43.180 that you have. These are not just random people. These are covenant members that you will spend

00:18:51.940 eternity with. And we have a responsibility to treat them as Christ has treated us, which I think

00:19:01.900 is just modeled over the long run in a home. You just have to constantly show that to your kids

00:19:12.960 through it's not just taught it's caught you know in the way that the way that we live um okay more

00:19:19.840 practical so when we think about how do you think about church in the home why do you think it's

00:19:27.200 important to have family integrated worship and how that helps a child have a different or better

00:19:35.680 or stronger and more biblical view of the church like just think from our own kids

00:19:40.080 sorry i mean our kids have been with us ever since they were born um in church they've never

00:19:46.560 gone to a children's ministry or anything like that and you know our daughter's 10 and

00:19:52.960 i can honestly say um from her on down to our youngest not one time i don't think have they

00:20:03.200 ever complained about going to church yeah they are excited to go to church every week they love

00:20:09.360 it um and i think it's so good for them to see families sitting you know the children sitting

00:20:17.520 with their parents family sitting with families enjoying the lord's day together worshiping

00:20:24.160 together and then after our our church does a big fellowship meal the the kids go and do their

00:20:29.360 catechism they get to have fun they get to play they get to have a meal with their friends um

00:20:34.160 um and then you know after church we always ask them what did dad talk about today um do you think

00:20:41.600 that do you think that our kids have ever thought that they were on the outside looking in or that

00:20:46.640 they were a a subsection of the church no no they fully understand that they are a part of the church

00:20:55.280 yeah and that they're they're actually members in the sense now they're under the headship of

00:21:01.520 household but they're they're actually members of the church and would submit themselves to

00:21:10.280 you know if they've been baptized if they've if they've given a profession of faith

00:21:16.640 they are child members they're not necessarily voting members in the in the realities of the

00:21:24.520 church, the heads of household, the elders are that part. But they have this sense that they

00:21:31.580 are a member here. And they have a duty and responsibility to one another. I think the older

00:21:38.860 they get, the more clear that is for them to understand. Yeah. And I think that there's small

00:21:43.040 ways. I mean, our children just happen to be Pastor Dale's children. But there are other kids

00:21:50.560 in our church that you know don't necessarily have parents that are in any type of leadership

00:21:55.840 role but I just love looking around on Sundays after the fellowship meal and seeing several

00:22:03.020 of the like you know 11 12 13 year old kids walking around and like spraying down the

00:22:09.900 tables and wiping them off like they're everybody feels I just feel really blessed to be a part

00:22:15.460 of our church because everybody feels like they're a participating member even the kids

00:22:21.480 they they get involved in the cleanup and they get involved if they get there early

00:22:25.580 because their dad is an elder or their dad is a deacon and they're you know just happen

00:22:29.540 to be there early a lot of the younger kids will fold the bulletins and will stand at

00:22:36.140 the front doors and greet people and say hi and ask if they can set up the you know fellowship

00:22:43.480 meal stuff, the plates and the napkins and the, so it's just fun.

00:22:46.780 Everybody has a part, um, that, yeah, again, that's just like the more practical side.

00:22:52.100 Um, and they enjoy doing it.

00:22:54.760 Uh, last two things we should touch on is prioritizing the Lord's day worship over

00:23:00.100 everything else.

00:23:01.380 Like, it's so funny.

00:23:02.060 People are like, I have to remind like, uh, lay people, I mean, I'm, I'm saying that

00:23:08.420 because I'm in what is considered the clergy.

00:23:11.000 I'm, I'm a, I'm a pastor. So I sometimes hard for me to remember, um, the perspective of a non-pastor, but the Bible has the same instruction to me as it does to the rest of the church on attendance.

00:23:31.260 so like imagine if i uh you know sunday morning was like guys you know i'm sorry i just i'm just

00:23:40.020 not feeling that good today i'm not going to make it or guys hey um something came up i'm not going

00:23:45.980 to be able to make church today uh or hey you know hey guys we we uh we scheduled uh an event my my

00:23:53.460 family's in town so i'm just not gonna be able to make it to church on sunday like those are very

00:23:57.160 common excuses for not making it to church but like i can't do that as the pastor like no so

00:24:05.880 so um i mean my brother was in town my brother's in town yeah we're not going to miss church just

00:24:12.560 because my brother's in town when we were you we had your family reunion thing you know with an

00:24:18.660 hour and a half away from here back in september yeah and i left saturday night so i could be here

00:24:25.700 Sunday morning and then went back Sunday afternoon what that communicates to your family is so

00:24:31.440 important because it communicates wow Veronica prioritizes the Lord's worship the Lord's day

00:24:38.720 worship above everything else and what it communicates to the kids what it communicates

00:24:46.220 to the church I mean there's so much there and what you know and I'm not saying that you can't

00:24:51.140 plan a uh vacation that you need to get away i'm those are occasional those are occasional

00:24:57.060 you know i i will miss something when i'm at a conference or i'll miss something you know and

00:25:02.840 i'll figure out a way for someone to pick up the duties that i have there but it is the rare

00:25:10.040 exception it so soccer you know i saw that funny meme it's like say something that'll immediately

00:25:16.400 cause a fight and it was like the guy said um uh the lord's day worship should be prioritized above

00:25:22.800 soccer games or about football games or whatever right kids sports fill in the blank yeah kids

00:25:27.280 sports i think yeah kids sports and so just you you what you do teaches your children

00:25:36.080 what's important and so we've intentionally not signed our children up for certain

00:25:42.160 programs yeah because of things that are held on Sundays yeah I guess we're not doing that well

00:25:49.580 yeah because going to church is way more important than that the last thing I'll say is just giving

00:25:55.760 your kids a long-term vision for the church and I think that this is something that I mean I feel

00:26:02.460 like we've learned even in the last couple years we've been but giving your kids a vision that

00:26:09.980 they're going to be in the same church when their kids are their age,

00:26:15.180 like multi-generational church membership

00:26:19.880 is something that is really difficult in our generation

00:26:25.560 because people are so transient.

00:26:30.120 But I might've shared this before,

00:26:32.400 but I had a guy that posted on Twitter.

00:26:35.460 I thought it was so good.

00:26:36.940 He was like, all these churches are figuring out,

00:26:39.180 trying to figure out ways to create people or get people to stay.

00:26:44.180 And they want a new church building or a new kids program.

00:26:47.780 And he said, how about building a graveyard in the back?

00:26:51.480 Because when mom can look out to the graveyard and say,

00:26:57.520 look at the graves of grandma and grandpa and great grandma and grandpa,

00:27:01.760 this is our church.

00:27:03.740 We've been here for generations.

00:27:05.660 um that's the kind of staying power it's like i'm not going to leave this has been my church forever

00:27:11.760 i've been we've been here for through three pastorates like three senior pastors have been

00:27:16.040 here over the last 50 years or 70 years like we're going to stay and you know that that requires a

00:27:24.220 church that has an unbending statement of faith so that you don't have like doctrinal heresy i think

00:27:31.360 that's why a lot of people leave long-term, but that's just one thing. I mean, I, I feel like

00:27:36.460 we're still even working on giving our kids that kind of vision, but you know, we've talked about

00:27:42.140 in the past, like our hope is that all of these kids get to grow up together for decades and why

00:27:49.280 the kids in our church. Yeah. Um, so we can surround our children with godly potential

00:27:55.660 spouses yes exactly and we would know their families their parents and how they were raised and

00:28:03.820 yeah talk about like dodging a really terrible trial for i think a long time ago like my flesh

00:28:10.620 would have hated that statement like oh that's like that's weird and actually it's not yeah

00:28:15.660 like i look at all of the families like we know a pretty good handful of people that are married

00:28:23.900 that have known each other since they were children um because of you know paths crossing

00:28:29.820 through church and families and things like that and it's so like such a huge blessing not just to

00:28:36.540 them but it's a blessing to their parents it's a blessing to their brothers and sisters it makes

00:28:40.860 everybody feel more unified i guess i don't know if that's the right word um but it's it's just

00:28:46.940 really cool to see that and it's it's not weird you know we're stewarding our children and you

00:28:53.900 know we have our oldest is a girl she's our daughter and so dad over here wants to make

00:29:00.300 sure that uh she gets set up with a godly man when that time comes yeah and lord willing it's uh

00:29:06.620 somebody that we i mean who knows maybe we even know them now we have no idea but yeah and you

00:29:11.660 got to be thinking that about that as a dad like when your kids are 10 especially in today's culture

00:29:16.620 like i mean our generation and down and hopefully our kids generation and down is going to be

00:29:22.060 improving but not very many people are procreating i mean if they're not christians they're nobody

00:29:27.740 wants to have kids anymore it's the dual income what's up dinks yeah dual income no kids um

00:29:35.100 everybody lives for selfishness yep and um so yeah lord willing there will be a lot of children

00:29:43.420 for our children or you know i guess not children at the time this happens potential spouses when

00:29:48.620 they're older yeah amen amen so i think that's a great spot to end for this episode or at least

00:29:55.500 part one here and again in part two we're going to be talking about how to honor authority in

00:30:02.620 the church which honestly is a massive matter uh like i can't tell you it's it's again it's

00:30:13.740 it's something that's going to you're going to deal with and your kids will deal with and we

00:30:17.900 want to set them up for success so we're going to talk about that in part two but thank you for

00:30:23.820 listening to this episode of part one and we really do want to help you build a glorious

00:30:29.820 Christian home. We're not the experts. We're simply taking you on a journey of the things

00:30:37.040 that we've learned in ministry and in the Christian life, hoping that it's helpful for you.

00:30:42.960 Again, if you want to check out the app, you can get that at relearn.org forward slash app.

00:30:47.980 You can listen to all the part twos of every episode of Welcome Home in this season one.

00:30:53.540 and also if you're a regular listener to welcome home would you leave a review you don't even need

00:31:01.620 to write something you can just tap the stars but if you do write something me and veronica will

00:31:07.640 read those reviews and they are encouraging to us they also help the podcast get greater

00:31:14.340 viewership in the podcast app so on that note thanks for joining us in our home my name is

00:31:20.780 Dale Partridge. And I'm Veronica Partridge. And we will see you guys next time.

Dale Partridge - March 14, 2024

Church and the Home

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