Church and the Home
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Summary
In this episode, Dale and Veronica discuss how to cultivate a love and respect for the church in the home, and how to set your children up for spiritual success in the church. This episode is broken down into two parts: Part 1: How to Cultivate a Love and Respect for the Church in the Home; and Part 2: How To Set Your Children Up for Success in the Church.
Transcript
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Welcome to our home. My name is Dale Partridge, and I'm here with my wife, Veronica.
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Our hope is to help you cultivate a glorious Christian home. This episode is titled Church
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and the Home. If you're new here, each episode is broken into two parts. Part one is available
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for free on every podcast platform, but part two is only available in the ReLearn app.
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The ReLearn app is a library filled with theological content for the Christian life.
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I don't know if I mentioned this in our last episode, but we added the entire dramatized
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We just added an incredible series on womanhood, a three-part series, audiobook, great high
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quality recording, but ideal womanhood, purposeful womanhood, and modest womanhood, just great
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you can go and check out the entire library at relearn.org forward slash app, and you can sign
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up. If you just click the header, you can go to the subscribe page, download the app from the app
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store. You can also connect there. If you do sign up, sign up on the web because the ministry gets
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more money that way than if you go to the Apple store or the Google store and sign up through the
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app. In part one of today's episode, we're going to be discussing how to cultivate a love and
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respect for the church in the home. And in part two, we're going to be talking about a related
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topic titled something like honoring authority in the church, where we're going to be discussing
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setting your children up for spiritual success by loving the church and respecting pastors.
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And I think this is vital because in a time of church hurt and rampant claims of, you know, ecclesiastical abuse, not to say that some of those aren't valid, but we have so many people that are, you know, I left the church because I had spiritual abuse when in reality, you were just corrected because you were sleeping with your boyfriend or whatever it may be.
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And so we have a time that we need to discuss this to set your kids up so that they can have a long-term success in the church.
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So let's open up with part one, church and the home.
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And by the way, Veronica and I, we don't like spend a ton of time getting prepped for a lot of these shows.
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These are really just kind of impromptu discussions about this.
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veronica i actually said hey what do you think is important this week to talk about and you brought
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up the topic once you share what you just said earlier yeah i just brought up the fact that i
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think it's important for the church the greater church and not just like our the the church that
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you shepherd um to have a discussion or examine themselves on church authority um on um you know
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scripture clearly tells us to give double honor especially to those who are pastoring and teaching
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and i just think that this whole millennial gen z culture um the church or sorry the culture has
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influenced the church in a negative way in this area um and i just i see it a lot not necessarily
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towards you directly i have seen it done towards you directly but um you know you had mentioned
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you know seeing 20 year olds bantering and arguing uh with john piper who has been in ministry for
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how many years yeah 50 years got a doctorate in theology and these 20 year old people are just
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being super disrespectful blatantly um yeah just blatantly disrespectful and not you know being
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curious before they're critical and i see it all the time and so um i think it's something that
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And so we're gonna be talking about all of this.
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we'll probably be speaking more to it in part two,
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urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling
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with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
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who is over all and through all and in all," end quote.
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So when I hear passages of scripture like this,
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it can seem kind of like ethereal, like, oh, it's out there,
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how God views our relationship with others in the church.
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you know people can leave quite radically and quickly promptly because they have a wrong view
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of how god views the members of the church we don't have the same view that god has we kind of
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we don't think of ourselves as covenantally tied together no they've been spending too much time
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filling their brains with what social media tells them which is self-love and if somebody does
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anything that disagrees with you then cut them off immediately yeah where scripture is it does
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not tell you that yeah like a canceled culture that has infiltrated the church and we have again
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an autonomous spirit of independence that we we don't understand covenant i mean people struggle
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to understand covenant in marriage let alone covenant in in the covenant community of the
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new testament church um and so i think that i i want to remind people that the church is the means
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of god to implant blessing upon our family meaning that god uses the church as the ordinary means
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to bless his people i mean think about how many think about all the blessings that we've had in
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the last just to say the last six months how many of those have come through the people of our church
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i mean almost all of them right yeah i mean there's other things that were clearly the hand
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of the lord that had nothing to do with members of our church yeah but i mean outside of that
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i would say almost all of them yeah so just the beautiful um from from things like correction to
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things like prayer to things like financial support to uh watching our children to
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giving us material things that blessed us you know whatever it may be whether it's you know
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know freshly baked sourdough or you know dozens of eggs or whatever yeah um but also just friendship
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and fellowship yeah i would say that's the the thing that we are blessed by the most because
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it's almost daily interactions yeah and there's a sense that it's not flippant i mean we we work
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hard at our church to really establish a biblical culture that isn't flippantly ready to leave at
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the drop of a hat of a disagreement defense yeah yeah and so how do we teach our kids
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how to not leave when they're offended you know when you think about the church
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you know what do you do at home when a child that's a friend of your daughters or sons
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offends them how do we how do we talk them through that yeah um i think
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a common saying that i hear you say often for years many many years is to be curious before
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you're critical um a lot of times if one of my children is upset because of something a friend
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said or you know they're being left out or whatever whatever the circumstances
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will often often ask them well do you think that they meant to do that was it
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intentional or were you guys just playing you accidentally got hit in the
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face it's just so to be curious about it because a lot of times when you know
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say somebody did get hit in the face and they're crying because so-and-so hit
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them in the face like what was an accident did they intend to hurt you no
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no okay well then that's you're okay let's deal with the situation and then overlook
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it your friend did not intend to do it there's been many times where you and your brother
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have been playing the exact same way and you've hit your brother in the face on accident it's
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you know it there shouldn't be um you shouldn't be getting in trouble because you didn't intend
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to but you do need to be more aware of your surroundings and to be careful um so just
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trying to walk them through that and having having them self reflect in the moment of
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is this a true thing to be offended by say a different situation more emotional when
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it comes to girls you know their feelings being hurt or a friend treating them differently
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than they would hope or expect um a lot of times we'll talk about you know love covers
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a multitude of sins um we love this brother or they love this sister and in christ and
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though their words or actions may have hurt you um you know i hope that your love for
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this person can overcome your your pain right now that's not to say what they what they did
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wasn't hurtful um and i'm you know sorry that that happened but i think about i wonder how
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many families leave churches because of conflict between children probably a lot yeah because
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parents get offended when their children are offended yeah and so to teach children how to
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deal with conflict like love overcome letting your love for them overlook the offense trying
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to understand as you said was it on on purpose intentional is it the typical pattern is it worth
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leaving an entire congregation of people for a conflict between one individual um because you
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know what what are these kids going to do they're going to grow up and they're going to be teenagers
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and they're going to be adults and if they've been allowed to allow conflict to make them leave
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you know what's that going to do to them as adults yeah it'll just carry on it'll continue
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yeah they'll never learn how to commit long term to a community of people um there was another
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passage that i was thinking about on uh allowing love to overcome but i yeah i'm drawing a blank
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right now but i just think that it is a valid intentional thing that we need to do with our
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kids is teach them how to oh it was uh thinking about we're going to have eternal relationships
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with these individuals and why can't you you know when honor and valor are boys when they get to
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fight you know they have to stay committed to each other because they live in the same house
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and in the same room yeah yeah they share the bed well a bunk bed you know they're right above one
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another yeah and so i think just children realizing you're going to share eternity with these people
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you can't just get bitter and leave yeah especially if it's over material things
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like the day that you die none of this gets to go with you yeah like this is all this is trash
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this is garbage this is material things none of this matters what matters is your relationship
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with your brother the first friend that the lord has provided for you within the family you know
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i think that like we're such a conflict averse uh i don't know maybe it's just certain people
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but like we we would rather leave than deal with conflict a lot of people yeah you know they're
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just like you know what i'm just going to stop answering the phone and i think it's it's such a
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tragic lesson to your children for them if it's their conflict or for you if it's your conflict
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just god gives us so much instruction on how to deal with conflict in the church
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because he knows we're going to deal with it yeah and we just need to use it and be humble i think
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that if we're willing to be humble you know what was that solves a lot of it yeah what was that
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you can't you can't argue with a humble person yeah you know like all arguments are squashed if
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if you're humble right it's just like an easy discussion and so i think teaching the kids how
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to um i i also think about what the parable of the debtor you know when we forget how much we've
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been forgiven by god we will forgive we will we will struggle to forgive others well that's why
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i mentioned the self-examination um i didn't go into depth on that but yeah yeah yeah just going
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you could overlook these things and and trust me i know the wounds can be deep i mean we've been hurt
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before too but you just don't leave that that's the thing like the what the world does is it gets
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hurt and leaves you got to teach your kids that when you get hurt because you will like i don't
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care what church you go to if you get and we do close community at our church yeah that's a common
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thing that we hear often well you know i was just really hurt by this this church that i used to go
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to and can we just stop that like conversation everybody wants to use that as an excuse like
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i have this this hurt that you're not going to understand you know what if you're a christian
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there are a very very high chance that you have been hurt by another person in the church that
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calls themselves a christian and it's gonna happen if it hasn't happened it will like it's just
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it's going to happen and so to make it sound like you're just this woe is me unique situation
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not that there aren't unique situations but not everybody's situation is unique nine times out of
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ten we love being the exception yeah nine times out of ten we're going to understand or at least
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have gone through something similar or know somebody's gone through something similar
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um that just drives me nuts well and i think one thing we've learned is that the way people leave
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is the way people come and so meaning that if you leave because of a conflict you're coming
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with that mentality that the moment you have conflict here you're going to leave again
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yeah and so you you like unless you can deal with that stuff so i just would encourage pastors just
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to go if someone says that you go well let's deal with that in fact ideally you would go hey why
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don't you before you come here why don't you go back straighten everything out with your last
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people deal with the conflict um see due to your best ability of your ability to to get to the
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bottom and then come to leave peacefully leave peacefully yeah yeah because we we don't want
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to import your hyper offensiveness so that you leave our church and go oh i got church hurt
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and someone told me i couldn't sin or or someone was rude to me or someone was disrespectful to me
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and and and so yeah and when in reality you were you know correcting them in love because of their
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sin but they just their flesh hated it and honestly let's just be real this is often with women oh for
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sure 100 i will say that all day yeah it's often with women and this is why because men don't
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usually have an issue with the conflict yeah well they could just go like just they'll they'll deal
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with it and over yeah no not not all but for the most part men are generally more let's let's just
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talk about it well and i think that's why so with your daughters teaching your children especially
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your daughters how to overcome emotional conflict which we've you know our daughter's 10 and she's
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already had a couple bouts of those moments that have been heavy enough to make her cry
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and she's not a crier and she's not a crier yeah it was just like a sincere hurt and wound
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um and we worked through it and you know the relationship is there and so um i think that's
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why husbands it's also great when you're when your wife has a moment like that where and this
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is why women can't drive the home or can't drive these decisions or the church because you have to
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have a husband that's bold enough to shepherd and correct and guide gently his wife towards
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reconciliation with whatever conflict she might be dealing with in the church and um and his
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daughters and so those are just like a couple things that i i think of um i also think about
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teaching your kids about so jesus talks about you know who are my mother and my brothers
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my sisters but those who do the will of my father so in one sense he elevates
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the supernatural family above the natural family now is god is jesus diminishing the natural
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family no no he's not saying that you shouldn't absolutely prioritize your natural family um
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in the sense of caring and loving for that's your first ministry but he's given you a realization
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that you have. These are not just random people. These are covenant members that you will spend
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eternity with. And we have a responsibility to treat them as Christ has treated us, which I think
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is just modeled over the long run in a home. You just have to constantly show that to your kids
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through it's not just taught it's caught you know in the way that the way that we live um okay more
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practical so when we think about how do you think about church in the home why do you think it's
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important to have family integrated worship and how that helps a child have a different or better
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or stronger and more biblical view of the church like just think from our own kids
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sorry i mean our kids have been with us ever since they were born um in church they've never
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gone to a children's ministry or anything like that and you know our daughter's 10 and
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i can honestly say um from her on down to our youngest not one time i don't think have they
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ever complained about going to church yeah they are excited to go to church every week they love
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it um and i think it's so good for them to see families sitting you know the children sitting
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with their parents family sitting with families enjoying the lord's day together worshiping
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together and then after our our church does a big fellowship meal the the kids go and do their
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catechism they get to have fun they get to play they get to have a meal with their friends um
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um and then you know after church we always ask them what did dad talk about today um do you think
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that do you think that our kids have ever thought that they were on the outside looking in or that
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they were a a subsection of the church no no they fully understand that they are a part of the church
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yeah and that they're they're actually members in the sense now they're under the headship of
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household but they're they're actually members of the church and would submit themselves to
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you know if they've been baptized if they've if they've given a profession of faith
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they are child members they're not necessarily voting members in the in the realities of the
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church, the heads of household, the elders are that part. But they have this sense that they
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are a member here. And they have a duty and responsibility to one another. I think the older
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they get, the more clear that is for them to understand. Yeah. And I think that there's small
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ways. I mean, our children just happen to be Pastor Dale's children. But there are other kids
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in our church that you know don't necessarily have parents that are in any type of leadership
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role but I just love looking around on Sundays after the fellowship meal and seeing several
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of the like you know 11 12 13 year old kids walking around and like spraying down the
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tables and wiping them off like they're everybody feels I just feel really blessed to be a part
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of our church because everybody feels like they're a participating member even the kids
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they they get involved in the cleanup and they get involved if they get there early
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because their dad is an elder or their dad is a deacon and they're you know just happen
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to be there early a lot of the younger kids will fold the bulletins and will stand at
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the front doors and greet people and say hi and ask if they can set up the you know fellowship
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meal stuff, the plates and the napkins and the, so it's just fun.
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Everybody has a part, um, that, yeah, again, that's just like the more practical side.
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Uh, last two things we should touch on is prioritizing the Lord's day worship over
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People are like, I have to remind like, uh, lay people, I mean, I'm, I'm saying that
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I'm, I'm a, I'm a pastor. So I sometimes hard for me to remember, um, the perspective of a non-pastor, but the Bible has the same instruction to me as it does to the rest of the church on attendance.
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so like imagine if i uh you know sunday morning was like guys you know i'm sorry i just i'm just
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not feeling that good today i'm not going to make it or guys hey um something came up i'm not going
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to be able to make church today uh or hey you know hey guys we we uh we scheduled uh an event my my
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family's in town so i'm just not gonna be able to make it to church on sunday like those are very
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common excuses for not making it to church but like i can't do that as the pastor like no so
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so um i mean my brother was in town my brother's in town yeah we're not going to miss church just
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because my brother's in town when we were you we had your family reunion thing you know with an
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hour and a half away from here back in september yeah and i left saturday night so i could be here
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Sunday morning and then went back Sunday afternoon what that communicates to your family is so
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important because it communicates wow Veronica prioritizes the Lord's worship the Lord's day
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worship above everything else and what it communicates to the kids what it communicates
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to the church I mean there's so much there and what you know and I'm not saying that you can't
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plan a uh vacation that you need to get away i'm those are occasional those are occasional
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you know i i will miss something when i'm at a conference or i'll miss something you know and
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i'll figure out a way for someone to pick up the duties that i have there but it is the rare
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exception it so soccer you know i saw that funny meme it's like say something that'll immediately
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cause a fight and it was like the guy said um uh the lord's day worship should be prioritized above
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soccer games or about football games or whatever right kids sports fill in the blank yeah kids
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sports i think yeah kids sports and so just you you what you do teaches your children
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what's important and so we've intentionally not signed our children up for certain
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programs yeah because of things that are held on Sundays yeah I guess we're not doing that well
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yeah because going to church is way more important than that the last thing I'll say is just giving
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your kids a long-term vision for the church and I think that this is something that I mean I feel
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like we've learned even in the last couple years we've been but giving your kids a vision that
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they're going to be in the same church when their kids are their age,
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is something that is really difficult in our generation
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He was like, all these churches are figuring out,
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trying to figure out ways to create people or get people to stay.
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And they want a new church building or a new kids program.
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And he said, how about building a graveyard in the back?
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Because when mom can look out to the graveyard and say,
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look at the graves of grandma and grandpa and great grandma and grandpa,
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um that's the kind of staying power it's like i'm not going to leave this has been my church forever
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i've been we've been here for through three pastorates like three senior pastors have been
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here over the last 50 years or 70 years like we're going to stay and you know that that requires a
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church that has an unbending statement of faith so that you don't have like doctrinal heresy i think
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that's why a lot of people leave long-term, but that's just one thing. I mean, I, I feel like
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we're still even working on giving our kids that kind of vision, but you know, we've talked about
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in the past, like our hope is that all of these kids get to grow up together for decades and why
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the kids in our church. Yeah. Um, so we can surround our children with godly potential
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spouses yes exactly and we would know their families their parents and how they were raised and
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yeah talk about like dodging a really terrible trial for i think a long time ago like my flesh
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would have hated that statement like oh that's like that's weird and actually it's not yeah
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like i look at all of the families like we know a pretty good handful of people that are married
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that have known each other since they were children um because of you know paths crossing
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through church and families and things like that and it's so like such a huge blessing not just to
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them but it's a blessing to their parents it's a blessing to their brothers and sisters it makes
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everybody feel more unified i guess i don't know if that's the right word um but it's it's just
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really cool to see that and it's it's not weird you know we're stewarding our children and you
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know we have our oldest is a girl she's our daughter and so dad over here wants to make
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sure that uh she gets set up with a godly man when that time comes yeah and lord willing it's uh
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somebody that we i mean who knows maybe we even know them now we have no idea but yeah and you
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got to be thinking that about that as a dad like when your kids are 10 especially in today's culture
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like i mean our generation and down and hopefully our kids generation and down is going to be
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improving but not very many people are procreating i mean if they're not christians they're nobody
00:29:27.740
wants to have kids anymore it's the dual income what's up dinks yeah dual income no kids um
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everybody lives for selfishness yep and um so yeah lord willing there will be a lot of children
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for our children or you know i guess not children at the time this happens potential spouses when
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they're older yeah amen amen so i think that's a great spot to end for this episode or at least
00:29:55.500
part one here and again in part two we're going to be talking about how to honor authority in
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the church which honestly is a massive matter uh like i can't tell you it's it's again it's
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it's something that's going to you're going to deal with and your kids will deal with and we
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want to set them up for success so we're going to talk about that in part two but thank you for
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listening to this episode of part one and we really do want to help you build a glorious
00:30:29.820
Christian home. We're not the experts. We're simply taking you on a journey of the things
00:30:37.040
that we've learned in ministry and in the Christian life, hoping that it's helpful for you.
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Again, if you want to check out the app, you can get that at relearn.org forward slash app.
00:30:47.980
You can listen to all the part twos of every episode of Welcome Home in this season one.
00:30:53.540
and also if you're a regular listener to welcome home would you leave a review you don't even need
00:31:01.620
to write something you can just tap the stars but if you do write something me and veronica will
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read those reviews and they are encouraging to us they also help the podcast get greater
00:31:14.340
viewership in the podcast app so on that note thanks for joining us in our home my name is
00:31:20.780
Dale Partridge. And I'm Veronica Partridge. And we will see you guys next time.