Dale Partridge - Covenant Home Part 3： The Marital Duties of Wives with Dale Partridge

00:00:00.000 Amen.

00:00:01.960 Well, what a blessing it is to continue this series through the Covenant Home.

00:00:12.020 We are in part three of a five-part series.

00:00:17.280 Actually, it's probably going to be six, so I'm just going to say six-part series on the

00:00:21.000 Covenant Home.

00:00:21.500 And I want to remind you once more that the hope of this church is that it may transform

00:00:30.900 this city over many years, but that cannot be realized if we cannot allow the gospel

00:00:41.100 and the truths of scripture to transform our own homes.

00:00:43.880 And so civic fruitfulness always is dependent upon household faithfulness.

00:00:54.380 We should not expect a fruitful city without fruitful homes.

00:01:00.280 And so in the previous sessions, which are available online to listen to,

00:01:05.420 we explored the concepts of male representation and responsibility.

00:01:11.040 Last week, I defined Christian marriage, what that is according to Scripture.

00:01:16.180 We discussed the role of husbands and fathers as covenant heads, how they set the example

00:01:22.580 and tone for the home.

00:01:24.760 We learned how men must shift their perspective of their family from that's their problems

00:01:32.900 to their problems are my problems.

00:01:36.580 And that was an important shift of shifting away from just me to having a mindset of a father and a husband to say, no, it's we.

00:01:48.260 And as a man, we learned that covenantally, a wife and children's or a child's condition is the husband and father's responsibility.

00:02:03.920 So the condition of your wife and the condition of your children is your responsibility. 0.75

00:02:09.620 You're not guilty for the sinfulness of your wife and child, but you are responsible for the behavior and action or state of your wife and children. 0.68

00:02:23.160 And when a man takes responsibility, authority flows to that man.

00:02:29.820 If you want to see a man who has no authority in his home, it's because he takes no responsibility for his home.

00:02:36.700 But when a man assumes the responsibility, shoulders the responsibility of the state of the home,

00:02:43.740 the spiritual state, the physical state, the financial state, the moral state,

00:02:48.380 that man has authority and influence in his home.

00:02:53.340 And last week I laid the groundwork for the understanding of Christian marriage.

00:02:56.500 We defined its purpose according to scripture.

00:02:59.120 we discovered that marriage is not just one feature of the Bible but it's

00:03:03.100 actually the wraparound feature of the Bible the Bible starts with a marriage

00:03:06.620 between a husband and wife and it ends in revelation about a marriage between a

00:03:12.620 husband and wife Christ and his bride and so we learned that marriage serves

00:03:16.780 as an earthly representation of a spiritual truth of a gospel truth it's

00:03:21.040 acting as a symbol which God communicates the gospel to a fallen world

00:03:26.880 it's helped us understand why over the last 50 years the gospel has been just

00:03:32.760 or that marriage has been so heavily distorted if you can corrupt marriage

00:03:38.700 then you can confuse the gospel and the enemy knows this it's exactly why we've

00:03:45.840 been having so many problems over the last several decades in other words when

00:03:48.960 the symbol that represents truth is distorted then the reality it

00:03:53.880 represents is disoriented. So confuse marriage and make the gospel less clear.

00:04:01.160 I also clarified that marriage is not a relationship, it's a covenant. There's

00:04:04.340 relational aspects, but truly it is a covenant. You don't become one with any

00:04:08.180 of your relationships. That would be absurd. You have relationship with your

00:04:11.460 children, relationship with your brother and sister, relationship with your friend.

00:04:13.780 You don't become one with any of those people. You only become one with your

00:04:17.340 spouse. A relationship can be forsaken without any sin. A marriage covenant can

00:04:23.860 not. It is a morally binding reality. We looked at several observations from Genesis 2, 18 through

00:04:30.720 24. We learned that marriage is a solution for singleness. Marriage is a human solution to

00:04:35.380 loneliness. It's a helpful monogamy. It's a human solution to companionship. We talked about last

00:04:40.480 week. Marriage is a setting for realizing creational identity. Marriage is a sanctuary

00:04:46.220 from physical shame. And marriage is the means for dominion and defense against sexual immorality.

00:04:50.960 So marriage, as a kind of clinical observation of what it is, the ontological reality of

00:04:59.340 marriage, we discussed last week, today we are going to talk about the duties of wives

00:05:08.900 and husbands.

00:05:10.140 And you would think that it would be husbands and wives, but the reality is that Ephesians

00:05:13.140 5, 22 through 33, starts with the wives.

00:05:16.220 So I'm going to start with the wives because scripture starts with the wives.

00:05:20.960 Now, Paul gives, if you look at that passage of scripture, you'll notice quickly that Paul gives 0.58

00:05:27.820 the husbands three times more direction than the wives. So the scripture today is a couple verses.

00:05:36.820 Next week, I'm going to struggle to fit all that I can on the husbands in one sermon.

00:05:44.360 Let's go ahead and start and we'll go verse by verse through Ephesians 5, 22. You guys can

00:05:49.120 follow along with me. It says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 0.88

00:05:59.000 So this is one of the most hated passages in all of scripture.

00:06:03.600 And it's hated because of its clarity and its severity. The amount of interpretive gymnastics

00:06:11.700 to get around the intention of this passage even frustrates the feminists. It's difficult, 0.99

00:06:18.700 man. It's so clear what this passage says. Wives are to submit to their own husbands.

00:06:27.660 It's what the scripture says. To be clear, this does not say that women are to submit to all men.

00:06:33.600 Although I do believe that women should not ever be in positions of authority over men in the home, 0.63

00:06:41.320 in the church, and in civil life, and I'll explain why in a second. I believe that biblically and 0.80

00:06:46.500 theologically, it's inconsistent to hold a view of men where men are ruling the home, men are ruling 0.58

00:06:51.440 the church, but then all of a sudden we expect these men to start submitting to women when they

00:06:57.240 go into roles of work or in the military or in the professional space or in politics. There's an 0.65

00:07:01.540 inconsistency there with complementarian theology versus biblical patriarchy. You can't lead in the

00:07:09.060 home. You can't lead in the church, but you can be the governor of the state and lead all the

00:07:16.540 homes and all the churches. It's an inconsistent reality. Men and women are not given their station

00:07:24.380 based on interchangeable roles, but based on their actual being. Okay, men are divinely designed to

00:07:33.920 rule look at any six-year-old boy and you will see this okay women are divinely designed to help 0.63

00:07:44.000 look at any six-year-old girl and you will see this it's very clear when you have enough kids

00:07:48.800 yeah is there some exceptions to those realities sure but the general reality is men little boys

00:07:56.400 go and they they get on top of things and they growl and they jump down and they stomp on things

00:08:01.840 and they tried to conquer lizards and snakes and animals.

00:08:05.280 It's what they do.

00:08:06.600 It's part of how God made them to be.

00:08:10.400 They're not like the little girls that are walking in

00:08:12.640 in their very being and combing the doll's hair 0.97

00:08:14.880 and decorating and laying out their stuffed animals

00:08:18.140 and saying goodnight to them before they go to bed.

00:08:25.000 Therefore, we should not encourage our daughters

00:08:27.200 to put themselves in positions 0.71

00:08:28.720 where they have authority and rule over men. 1.00

00:08:31.840 In an article on Forbes, I found, it was titled, it says, Do We Hate Female Bosses? 0.70

00:08:39.240 The author wrote about a Gallup poll.

00:08:41.480 It says, quote, It appears both men and women prefer being led by a man.

00:08:46.140 If Americans were taking a new job and had their choice of a boss, they would prefer

00:08:50.840 a male boss over a female boss. 0.71

00:08:53.240 Unfortunately, research suggests this shouldn't come as a surprise. 0.99

00:08:56.800 What's interesting is despite a slow increase in female leadership across American companies,

00:09:01.440 the presence for a male boss has remained steady. So this is something that we can observe even in

00:09:09.440 secular reality. Rule and submission between men and women is part of our nature, and it is the 0.82

00:09:15.720 normative experience of history, for sure, and social life. This is the consistent reality 0.97

00:09:22.640 through history. It is only in the last 50 years, I mean you could argue say for the last 150 years,

00:09:29.780 but really the last 50 years, that we have been more confused about male and female roles than

00:09:33.960 any other time in history. It's not if men will rule, it's how men will rule. This is important.

00:09:46.340 It reminds me, I don't know if you guys remember the clip of Drew Barrymore

00:09:48.780 groveling at the feet of Dylan Mulvaney, who's the guy that, you know, the transgender guy that

00:09:55.760 dropped Bud Light last year. And I sat there watching this, and if you strip all of it away, 1.00

00:10:02.320 what you really have is a woman bowing down at a man's feet. Patriarchy still wins, but that 0.99

00:10:10.180 patriarchy is not biblical. It's disgusting. It's perverted. It's distorted. It's not if men will 0.98

00:10:15.400 rule. It's how men will rule. And we want to restore order in society that we have men ruling 0.99

00:10:23.220 according to glorious standards in the scripture, not some perverted, distorted, weird, transgender

00:10:31.000 reality, or even some misogynistic, overbearing, dominating reality that is abusive, or some 0.99

00:10:40.740 wimp that stands by and doesn't do anything, but still acts like a fool when he bursts 0.99

00:10:48.140 and anger. There's so many versions of terrible male leadership. We are desperately needing 1.00

00:10:55.900 biblical men. What I'm saying is that it's inevitable that men will lead, but our objective 0.99

00:11:05.080 as Christians is that we raise up men who are glorious, godly, righteous, ordered, loving men.

00:11:14.440 the apostle speaks to the severity or extent of a wife's submission to her husband he says

00:11:22.180 as to the lord he qualifies the submission he says as to the lord that is a wife's submission

00:11:28.340 to her husband should match her submission to christ wow that's an intense passage of scripture

00:11:37.220 this is the case because the relationship between a husband and wife is designed to emulate

00:11:42.420 the relationship between Christ and the church.

00:11:45.840 That's why. 0.59

00:11:47.920 If a wife is not to express total submission to her husband,

00:11:53.240 then it could be equally said that the church

00:11:55.400 is not to express total submission to Christ.

00:12:00.100 No, the two are the same. 0.88

00:12:04.140 Now, one is a fallen entity of fallen women,

00:12:07.820 and they are going to struggle to emulate 0.93

00:12:10.860 the degree of submission and godliness

00:12:13.820 as the church may in its spiritual and pure state

00:12:17.520 in the same way that a husband is going to fail

00:12:21.020 in representing and loving his wife

00:12:22.940 the way that Christ loved the church

00:12:24.120 because he is a fallen man

00:12:25.960 and he is not the perfect and righteous savior

00:12:28.780 that Christ is. 0.97

00:12:34.400 A wife's submission to her husband 0.93

00:12:36.320 is submission to Christ. 1.00

00:12:40.080 We really need to see that a wife's submission to her husband is submission to Christ. 0.63

00:12:46.440 I've mentioned in our men's and women's meetings that God is a God of order.

00:12:49.740 If we look at 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3, it says,

00:12:52.520 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ.

00:12:55.860 The head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

00:12:59.520 so as Christ submitted to the father 0.91

00:13:05.580 a husband is to submit to Christ

00:13:09.440 and as a husband submits to Christ 0.98

00:13:12.920 a woman is to submit to her own husband

00:13:15.640 that's the logic of that passage

00:13:18.160 I shared this with the women's meeting

00:13:20.880 it's as Christ says

00:13:22.380 not my will be done but your will be done

00:13:25.160 to the father 0.57

00:13:27.520 A husband should say, not my will be done, but your will be done to Christ. 0.86

00:13:31.680 And a wife should say to her husband, not my will be done, but your will be done. 0.84

00:13:35.400 I am here to fall in line with God's chain of order. 0.93

00:13:42.240 We're all under submission.

00:13:44.620 I'm under submission to Christ as a husband. 0.97

00:13:48.480 A wife is under submission to her husband. 0.99

00:13:51.340 Now, I know that the most terrifying thing is for a wife to be in submission to Christ 0.99

00:13:54.880 or a wife to be in submission to her husband

00:13:56.780 when a husband is not in submission to Christ.

00:14:03.900 But both husbands and wives

00:14:05.880 are commanded to be in total submission 0.80

00:14:08.980 to their covenant head.

00:14:10.480 Both of us are.

00:14:13.540 Your obedience to this command

00:14:15.260 is not dependent upon your husband's obedience

00:14:17.200 to this command.

00:14:18.240 That's what makes it difficult. 0.99

00:14:20.960 That is, a wife does not submit to her husband

00:14:23.500 only if he is in perfect submission to Christ. 0.99

00:14:27.800 No, a woman is called to submission 0.98

00:14:29.560 regardless of the obedience of her husband. 0.94

00:14:35.280 And that's in 1 Peter 3, verse 1.

00:14:37.140 It says, 0.99

00:14:37.340 Likewise, wives, be subject or be in submission 0.86

00:14:40.600 to your own husbands, 0.93

00:14:42.400 so that even if some do not obey the word,

00:14:46.600 that they may be won without a word

00:14:48.360 by the conduct of their wives

00:14:50.280 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

00:14:54.820 Now, the question's probably arising,

00:14:57.200 to what extent should a wife submit to her own husband?

00:15:02.960 What's the extent? 0.99

00:15:05.300 What's the limit of that power?

00:15:08.700 And to this, I would answer any circumstance

00:15:11.700 that is not a clear violation of God's moral law.

00:15:15.540 Any circumstance that is not a clear violation

00:15:18.180 of God's moral law.

00:15:20.280 in other words if your obedience to your husband causes you to be disobedient to christ

00:15:25.960 you have grounds to appeal to a higher authority we're called to submit to the government and

00:15:32.200 first corinthians sorry romans 13. now our submission to the government whenever that

00:15:40.360 submission violates our obedience to god we are not called to submit to the government

00:15:46.080 You see this in the apostles when the government says you cannot preach Christ anymore.

00:15:51.880 It says, no, sorry, we have to obey God and not man.

00:15:54.600 So there is a limit to that submission of the government regulation

00:15:59.060 in the same way that there's a limit to a husband's authority over his wife.

00:16:04.000 If a husband asks you to lie or to cheat or to steal or to commit adultery

00:16:11.740 or to worship other gods, you do not have to submit to that reality.

00:16:16.920 Having said that, if a husband says that, hey, honey, we are moving from Arizona to Texas,

00:16:22.280 or that we're going to buy this house and not that house,

00:16:26.380 or that our children are going to go to this school and not that school,

00:16:29.860 these are not grounds to be insubordinate.

00:16:34.940 Doesn't mean that you can't share your counsel in a loving and respectful way.

00:16:37.800 It doesn't mean that a husband shouldn't be or shouldn't take that counsel into consideration

00:16:43.580 when making those decisions.

00:16:44.880 But the reality is that when those decisions are made, a wife is not to be insubordinate

00:16:49.940 to generally the vast majority of decisions that happen in life, especially as a Christian

00:16:57.280 husband.

00:16:59.520 The late theologian Walter Chantry once wrote, quote,

00:17:04.600 Quote,

00:17:34.600 Okay, what I want to say and be very clear is that submission from a wife to a husband is serious.

00:17:44.040 It's not a light matter.

00:17:46.420 We live in a culture of vast disorder. 1.00

00:17:51.900 Relational chaos between men and women. 1.00

00:17:57.720 A submissive wife is incredibly influential in today's generation. 1.00

00:18:04.600 As a wife, your behavior is to reflect to yourself, to your husband, to your children, to your family, to your community, the church's relationship to Christ. 1.00

00:18:21.760 When a woman does not, when a wife does not obey her husband, she tells everybody a lie about the church. 0.88

00:18:30.680 in the same way that when a husband does not love his wife, 0.81

00:18:36.020 he tells everybody a lie about Christ.

00:18:45.260 And so,

00:18:47.720 submission really does communicate

00:18:52.560 order

00:18:55.020 and truths about the gospel

00:18:59.020 to everybody that's watching.

00:19:00.680 verse 23 it says for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church

00:19:07.140 his body and is himself its savior so the passage if you look down to verse 23 starts with the word

00:19:12.400 for that's a causal clause you can actually translate that to because you could you could

00:19:19.800 actually read it wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord because the husband is the head of

00:19:24.940 the wife even as Christ is the head of the church so the reason a wife is to submit to her husband

00:19:30.580 is because the husband is the head of the covenant. 0.69

00:19:34.980 He is the covenant head.

00:19:37.800 I didn't ask to be the covenant head.

00:19:40.060 Okay, no man did.

00:19:43.060 God has designed it so that the man is the covenant head.

00:19:47.020 Men do not need to feel guilty for being the covenant head

00:19:50.380 because it's the divinely appointed position.

00:19:52.860 Women do not need to feel oppressed through submission 1.00

00:19:56.520 because it is the divinely appointed order. 0.86

00:19:59.620 It's good.

00:20:01.540 it's a good thing we live in a world that hates it that'll lie to you it'll tell you every possible

00:20:08.740 reality to conflict with god's order changing our affections and appetites and understanding

00:20:16.420 of order and actually get into the place where you can say this is good submission is good

00:20:23.620 headship from a man is good

00:20:30.580 This isn't about superiority or inferiority or value.

00:20:37.720 It's about covenant order.

00:20:40.760 In the same way that Christ is not inferior to the Father,

00:20:43.860 yet Christ submits to the Father in his earthly ministry,

00:20:47.020 a wife is not inferior to her husband.

00:20:52.040 It's submission among equals.

00:20:54.740 The Trinity, we see this in the Trinity, the submission among equals.

00:20:58.500 in the earthly ministry of Christ.

00:21:02.340 We see that the Father and the Son send the Helper,

00:21:07.980 and the Helper does the will of the Father.

00:21:10.560 I mean, there is so much beauty in recognizing

00:21:13.140 that there can be submission among equals.

00:21:15.380 It's order.

00:21:20.320 I want to make a point that station is reflected in being.

00:21:27.680 Okay?

00:21:28.500 station, your place, is reflected in your being. Now, this generation is terrified with unequal

00:21:37.400 ranking between men and women. They just absolutely can't handle it. Egalitarianism is rampant.

00:21:46.300 God has displayed the headship of man in the being of man. We talked about this earlier,

00:21:55.460 but I'm going to say it again. This is the great Princeton theologian, Charles Hodge.

00:22:00.680 He wrote this in 1856. He said, the ground of the obligation, therefore, as it exists in nature,

00:22:08.040 is the eminency of the husband, his superiority in those attributes which enable and entitle him

00:22:15.380 to command. He is larger, stronger, bolder, and has more of those mental and moral qualities

00:22:21.020 which are required in a leader.

00:22:23.400 This is just as plain from history

00:22:25.480 as that iron is heavier than water.

00:22:30.020 This superiority of the man's being

00:22:32.380 founded in nature and proved by all experience

00:22:36.280 cannot be denied or disregarded

00:22:38.020 without destroying society 1.00

00:22:39.700 and degrading both men and women,

00:22:41.460 making one effeminate and the other masculine.

00:22:44.500 Amazing.

00:22:46.020 Simple truths that every generation before us knew

00:22:50.320 Charles Hodge is not a controversial preacher, by the way, okay? This guy was like right down the

00:22:58.280 center, okay? He wasn't the Doug Wilson of his generation, okay? He was just straight

00:23:05.820 shooting common knowledge, basic understanding of the rules. Ultimately, the rule and submission

00:23:13.840 model are not just roles we play, but are characteristics that correspond with our

00:23:19.660 very being men are made to rule and to lead now they need to do it well

00:23:28.060 according to Christ women are made to help and to serve and to submit now they 0.95

00:23:34.780 need to do it according to Christ and we live in a world that hates God's design 0.99

00:23:41.500 for women feminists hate women and they have convinced millions of them that 1.00

00:23:48.160 their being is defective. 1.00

00:23:53.760 They must become men to find value. 1.00

00:23:56.880 That is the work of our generation, is convincing women to become men. 0.97

00:24:04.780 It's the church's job to restore the glory of women.

00:24:08.380 We are the only institution on earth that can rightly define women and that can actually

00:24:15.660 remind the world what a glorious woman is. If we won't do it, nobody else will. Don't

00:24:23.640 rely on Christless conservatism. That's not going to be it. No, it's us. It's you women

00:24:29.640 in this room. You will remind the next generation of women what it is to be glorious. Now, the 0.81

00:24:44.460 The reason the apostle commanded the wife to submit to her own husband as to the Lord is because the husband's authority is as potent over the wife as Christ's authority is over the church.

00:24:58.560 Now, we cannot over inflate the husband's authority, right?

00:25:03.560 Because that can happen.

00:25:05.140 There's always going to be a dimension of Christ's righteousness and authority and rule and command over his church.

00:25:14.460 as a savior, a perfect righteous savior,

00:25:17.320 that cannot be equally applied to husbands.

00:25:19.780 Okay, so we recognize that.

00:25:22.860 But the general principle of station and authority,

00:25:29.380 I'll even say loving authority by the men,

00:25:32.100 is to be recognized and exercised by husbands

00:25:34.700 and the principle of joyful submission

00:25:38.540 is to be obeyed and exercised by the wives.

00:25:41.700 What we should see in husbands and wives is what we should see in Christ in the church.

00:25:46.860 A loving, ruling authority and a joyfully submitting church.

00:25:54.920 That should be what we see in our own marriages.

00:25:59.800 Ultimately, verse 23 emphasizes the covenantal order between husbands and wives,

00:26:06.320 showing how this order is not rooted in some sort of master and slave

00:26:11.540 relationship it's not rooted in some strength and weakness relationship it's

00:26:18.080 rooted in a Christ Church relationship that's what we're trying to model if you

00:26:24.260 struggle with that then you struggle with the gospel if you struggle with

00:26:28.040 modeling what the church is supposed to to do in its relationship to Christ you

00:26:32.300 struggle with the gospel. And the world struggles with the

00:26:37.680 gospel. They hate the gospel and that's why they hate wives 0.99

00:26:43.040 submitting to husbands. Verse 24. It says, now as the church 0.73

00:26:51.480 submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to 0.76

00:26:54.780 their husbands. So the apostle confirms the extent to which a wife should emulate the church's 0.63

00:27:04.640 relationship with Christ. The adjective, everything, can intimidate wives. I get it. 0.92

00:27:14.080 But as I said earlier, a wife's submission is as to the Lord. It's as to the Lord, 0.97

00:27:20.140 which means her husband's authority is not limitless, but it's bound by the revealed

00:27:24.620 will of God. But again, a wife should find her common posture, a Christian woman should find

00:27:35.580 her common posture toward her husband's direction as joyfully submissive, joyfully submissive. 1.00

00:27:44.440 And this submission goes beyond the action and it goes straight into the heart.

00:27:51.980 But do not think that you can get away with resentful submission.

00:27:59.060 It's wicked.

00:28:01.160 It's wicked. 0.96

00:28:05.660 A wife who resentfully submits to her husband is not a submissive wife.

00:28:13.040 Submission starts with a spirit surrendered to Christ.

00:28:18.860 I mean, you could see it with kids, right?

00:28:20.380 kids argue, and they fight with each other, and you tell a child to say, sorry, and they

00:28:26.120 go, sorry.

00:28:27.500 You can tell in them they're doing the right thing, but they don't mean it.

00:28:32.480 And before the Lord who looks at the heart, there's nothing good there.

00:28:37.040 Yes, the action was taking place, and it's better than the action not taking place.

00:28:44.740 But the Lord wants obedient hearts.

00:28:47.680 And so submission for a woman starts with a spirit surrendered to Christ.

00:28:54.480 Understanding that obedience to your husband, even in situations that may appear unwise,

00:28:59.180 that are contrary to your personal desires or discouraging, is ultimately obedience to God.

00:29:06.520 Again, as long as it's not a violation of God's moral law, wives need to surrender themselves,

00:29:13.420 which I know is not an easy task 0.99

00:29:16.540 but surrender themselves

00:29:17.760 by trusting Christ

00:29:19.360 and trusting God's providential reality

00:29:21.280 for their lives

00:29:21.880 you also have a Lord

00:29:27.480 that says

00:29:28.080 I cause all things

00:29:29.760 to work together for your good

00:29:31.160 and so you have no fear

00:29:33.740 in being obedient to your husband

00:29:36.620 in a situation

00:29:38.320 that is within the bounds

00:29:39.760 of his authority

00:29:40.400 you have no fear there

00:29:41.960 obey. Let the Lord work out the details. If it was wrong, if it was foolish, if it was

00:29:50.160 an incorrect path, the Lord loves your husband too, and we'll discipline him.

00:29:59.520 It's rejecting the sinful desire to act as the covenant head. Remember Genesis 3.16,

00:30:08.300 it's the God curses the woman. And what does he say? He says, your desire will be for your husband.

00:30:13.700 Why do women struggle with this? Well, it's God cursed mankind, including men and women. 0.97

00:30:20.280 And part of the curse is your desire will be to dominate your husband. But it says in the

00:30:25.740 very next verse, but he will rule over you. The Hebrew term for desire, when used in that context,

00:30:35.060 It actually stems from a root word that implies to command or to dominate or to rule over.

00:30:43.940 So in the fall, sin became master over humanity.

00:30:49.340 Okay, that's what happened in the fall.

00:30:51.460 Its desire was to rule over you.

00:30:54.920 But through Christ, we can rule over sin, right?

00:30:59.380 It's the gospel. 0.99

00:31:01.020 In the same way, the flesh of a woman desires to rule over her husband.

00:31:06.400 But through Christ, she can joyfully be ruled by her husband.

00:31:13.580 It's through Christ that true submission can occur.

00:31:19.580 And ladies, you need to see how impactful submission really is.

00:31:23.660 Again, it's not only is it a visualization of curse conquering through Christ.

00:31:30.140 But it's a demonstration of walking in the Spirit before your children.

00:31:37.800 I just think about a woman.

00:31:41.760 If you have daughters, and the whole marriage witness that they had as children was mom 0.99

00:31:51.120 dominating or not trusting or not submitting to dad, she is going to struggle.

00:31:59.260 any sort of model or example to do that with her own husband.

00:32:06.680 You know, there's a passage in 1 Corinthians chapter 14 that says that a wife, if she has

00:32:11.240 questions about something that happened at church, that she should ask her own husband at home. 0.91

00:32:15.940 It shows that a woman should be, or a wife should be a disciple of her own husband. She should learn, 0.96

00:32:20.100 trust the intellectual theological leadership of her husband.

00:32:24.180 a lot of women don't practice that they turn to somebody else they don't turn to their husbands

00:32:31.940 they turn to the internet they turn to a podcast they turn to a friend they turn

00:32:35.060 to the pastor before even asking their husband um so much is taught there when a wife

00:32:42.920 for 18 years every time she has a question goes to her husband and asks the husband

00:32:52.800 what does that communicate to her children? One is that dad has the answers or we should turn to

00:33:03.760 dad for the answers. It elevates him as the covenant head. We trust dad's answers.

00:33:12.380 What does it communicate to your boys? I need to become a man that has the answers.

00:33:19.100 What does it communicate to your daughters?

00:33:23.520 I need to find a husband who has the answers. 1.00

00:33:30.440 Now, in a flip-flop, a wife that doesn't do that 1.00

00:33:35.840 misses the opportunity to teach her children so many lessons throughout her lifetime.

00:33:42.640 so there are many things that submission and covenant headship communicate to your own kids

00:33:52.960 if you want to bless your child's marriage start by walking in a biblical marriage today

00:33:57.940 I'll tell you what any one of you who's married knows that's true that you brought into your own

00:34:07.160 marriage, the modeled marriage of your parents. You will not be able to go to a place that you've

00:34:14.760 never seen. But if your parents modeled true biblical order, what a blessing it is for a

00:34:24.300 woman to walk into a marriage and be an absolute glorious woman to her husband.

00:34:29.740 What an amazing blessing it is to a wife to have a husband who has been raised to be a loving,

00:34:38.500 ruling leader who takes responsibility for his home. What a blessing you can be to your own family.

00:34:49.200 Joyful feminine submission communicates and so does resentful insubordination.

00:34:57.740 Both of them communicate. 0.92

00:35:00.140 Which one will you communicate to your family and to your community?

00:35:03.720 As a pastor, I see both all the time.

00:35:08.960 And honestly, I see lots of subtle forms of this.

00:35:15.380 You will either, again, bless your children with an example of faithfulness

00:35:18.660 that leads to fruitful functionality and order in your home,

00:35:22.400 or you will curse your children with an example of faithlessness and dysfunction.

00:35:29.020 God may, in his grace and mercy, wipe away that memory of your terrible marriage

00:35:34.160 and bless them with a great marriage.

00:35:36.940 We have seen that.

00:35:38.380 We've seen children raised in terrible homes, drug addict parents,

00:35:43.620 and all of a sudden this man, by the grace of God, is a great father.

00:35:47.820 God can cover those mercies.

00:35:49.960 It doesn't mean that we act that way.

00:35:51.140 I've seen people that say, oh, I went to public school, therefore everybody should go to public

00:35:55.940 school, as if it's like the normative reality of public school is you. No, you're the exception.

00:36:02.820 It's like running across the street on a busy freeway. I didn't get hit by a car.

00:36:07.400 It's like, well, yeah, but look at the blood in the street.

00:36:09.860 again this isn't just about external submission or or saying the right thing as a woman it's about

00:36:23.100 you know it's not about you know wearing a head covering that in reality is just a pretty piece

00:36:28.020 of hypocrisy on your head i've seen that too it's about believing that god's order is actually good

00:36:36.520 Actually good. 0.96

00:36:39.020 And that any emotion, thought, resistance,

00:36:42.400 subtle frustration with God's order is actually sinful.

00:36:47.880 Like resolving and resigning yourself to that reality.

00:36:51.900 Getting to the place where you're like,

00:36:53.380 I have to conform my thoughts and affections to the word of God.

00:36:59.760 I cannot let the world infiltrate my mind and my thinking process

00:37:03.560 so that I actually hate this idea of submission.

00:37:07.000 I hate this idea of leadership.

00:37:09.600 Because look, I know there are men who hate leadership 0.73

00:37:14.180 as much as women hate submission. 0.96

00:37:17.400 That exists. 0.82

00:37:19.380 And men need to step up often more 0.97

00:37:24.120 than women need to deal with submission.

00:37:27.240 We live in a generation of radically passive men. 0.96

00:37:31.280 Radically passive men.

00:37:32.480 And what happens? This is Satan's plan, that men will be boys, and that when men

00:37:38.860 are boys, women will be men, and as a result, children become irrelevant. You

00:37:43.460 want to see a woman lead? Then just watch a man stop. And in reality, that man 1.00

00:37:51.380 stopping is still leading. He's just leading his family to chaos. So generally

00:37:59.440 speaking, there are only two commands to wives in all of the New Testament in relationship

00:38:08.740 to their husbands.

00:38:10.460 It's to submit and to show respect.

00:38:15.520 Now, I've obviously covered submission, but the end of the section of Scripture, if you

00:38:20.960 look in Ephesians chapter 5, after the instruction to husbands, Paul offers this concluding verse

00:38:26.680 in chapter, or verse 33.

00:38:27.720 it says, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she

00:38:36.160 respects her husband. I want to talk about that just for a second. In scripture, there is only

00:38:44.920 one command for wives to love their husbands. Okay. It's just, there's just one. I thought

00:38:55.400 there'd be more. I actually looked all over trying to find another one, but there's only one. It's

00:38:59.060 Titus 2, 3 through 4, which says, let the older women teach the younger women to love their 0.61

00:39:02.960 husbands and love their children. That's it. Okay, the scarcity of instruction for a woman to love 0.76

00:39:10.700 her husband is because love and affection is the natural disposition of the feminine being.

00:39:18.820 I've seen women love husbands that are not worthy of being loved. You know why? Because women are

00:39:23.260 good at loving. The natural disposition of the feminine being is to love men. They love 1.00

00:39:29.260 men despite their failures. It's amazing. But to respect a husband requires much more

00:39:40.400 from a woman. It requires her to restrain herself from offense, from discontentment, 0.95

00:39:49.480 from ingratitude it requires her to take notice of the value her husband offers

00:39:58.240 to her I see so many women today that are divorcing their husbands because of

00:40:04.000 reasons like you know he just he's not emotionally available and you're like

00:40:08.260 men aren't made to be emotionally available okay a man is made to provide

00:40:13.840 and to protect. And he is to do it in a loving manner. But the church is a body and the emotional

00:40:23.740 availability is to be carried out among the body. A woman is to have other relationships with other

00:40:29.280 women. Older women should be teaching those younger women through relationship and how to be 1.00

00:40:33.260 great homemakers and how to be loving those men and those children. We're not isolated. We're the

00:40:39.960 only relationship that a woman has is her husband and he has to become absolutely everything to her. 0.99

00:40:46.540 Oh, that's not what we do here. Same with husbands. If your wife is the only person that 0.98

00:40:53.160 can bring you a correction in this world, then there's a problem. I have women reach out to me 1.00

00:40:57.040 all the time asking me questions about their husband's failures. And I'm like, where are

00:41:01.540 the men in your church? Are you even going to a good church? You don't want to be as a wife,

00:41:09.540 the only person that has some sort of sound correction in your husband's life? 0.93

00:41:13.640 You want men in your church to see the foolishness of your own husband

00:41:18.260 and correct that man without you having to say a thing.

00:41:21.940 That's the beauty of the body. 1.00

00:41:23.640 Same with wives. 1.00

00:41:28.320 Proverbs 21.19 says, 1.00

00:41:29.860 It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and fretful woman. 1.00

00:41:34.820 A disrespectful wife is like cancer to a husband. 1.00

00:41:41.720 It'll kill him. It'll kill him. I've seen it. 1.00

00:41:46.180 Women possess far more influence in their words than they realize. 1.00

00:41:53.960 Proverbs 14.1 says, 1.00

00:41:55.340 The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands. 1.00

00:42:00.180 I can't tell you how many times I have seen a family been torn down by a disrespectful, insubordinate woman. 1.00

00:42:13.920 We think that like there's this like weird myth on the internet that like we have this massive cultural problem with dominating men. 0.74

00:42:23.060 Okay, as a pastor, I've been pastoring for full time for almost eight years.

00:42:28.360 And I have probably had a few, handful of moments where there is a man truly dominating in an evil way his home.

00:42:41.860 Anger, frustration, abuse, like I've had like one or two of those situations.

00:42:47.000 But do you know what I've had like 15 of? 0.91

00:42:49.980 Is a wife dominating the home. 1.00

00:42:53.200 That's the generation we live in. 1.00

00:42:54.760 we don't live in the 1880s where misogyny is the thing and the live dragon of the day 1.00

00:43:02.520 that's the dead dragon now the live dragon is the fire-breathing woman that dominates her home

00:43:08.540 not saying that that's the prevalent reality in this church but it is certainly the prevalent

00:43:15.560 reality in the world and we are the ones to model you glorious women i'm so impressed with the women

00:43:22.140 here. We have great women. Are the women to model that to those women that will come into our church 0.99

00:43:29.600 and that will be seen in this community? A wife's respect is like water to her husband's roots.

00:43:42.540 Without it, he feels unmotivated and views himself as a failure.

00:43:47.740 last night I had a conversation with a family that is wanting to move here and they searched

00:43:56.120 the internet and they said oh man Dale's a crazy person um they read articles of you know bad news

00:44:02.120 about me and they wanted to have a conversation with me you know because they're level-headed

00:44:06.060 people and they said hey I want to hear the other side of the story and by the time I was done with

00:44:11.300 the conversation I was so defeated just like oh lord my past failures have checkered my reputation

00:44:17.120 and I hate it.

00:44:19.940 And I was discouraged.

00:44:22.400 It was clear to Veronica, who was on the call with me,

00:44:25.320 and she sent me a text message last night

00:44:27.000 that was so encouraging.

00:44:28.860 It was literally water to my roots.

00:44:32.900 And you need to understand as a wife

00:44:36.000 the value of a respectful response to a husband.

00:44:41.680 It is so life-giving.

00:44:44.140 It is so powerful.

00:44:45.420 Years ago, a small study involving around 200 couples were presenting the husbands with

00:45:01.500 several phrases and asked which one, if said by a woman, would have the most impact on

00:45:08.460 the man. And the phrase, you're amazing, was chosen as the most impactful statement.

00:45:18.260 Do you want to see a woman steal a man from another woman? It happens every day. And it's 0.99

00:45:27.700 from some devilish woman that goes up to a disrespected man and says, you're amazing. 1.00

00:45:36.200 that's how that woman takes that man away from his wife 0.80

00:45:41.880 when a man feels that a woman is impressed with him

00:45:49.580 I mean this goes back down into the playground and recess as kids

00:45:53.900 you cannot forget the power of these words

00:45:59.400 when a man feels this way he not only becomes more committed to expressing love

00:46:07.920 but he actually excels in everything that he does and it's because he's motivated by knowing that

00:46:16.460 the woman he works so hard for is genuinely impressed with his faithfulness it's powerful

00:46:23.220 And so, to conclude, the curse in Genesis 3, it really communicates to us and implies that conflict will be the normative reality between men and women. 0.59

00:46:43.640 Conflict. You're going to have conflict. That's what we see in the world. 0.97

00:46:47.860 world. And this conflict not only is seen in divorce, but it's also why we have homosexuality 0.96

00:47:00.400 and transgenderism and abortion and feminism and pornography. 0.62

00:47:07.660 And so the world, as we know, is relationally in disarray. It is complete chaos. 0.94

00:47:15.820 And we are desperately needing definitions, order, and fruitfulness.

00:47:27.080 We need clarity.

00:47:30.240 And Christian marriages, especially Christian wives, have an incredible opportunity to restoring society and the family

00:47:40.820 by modeling the power of Christ in them

00:47:44.180 when they joyfully submit to their husbands,

00:47:47.080 respect their husbands,

00:47:48.620 become wonderful homemakers,

00:47:50.940 enjoy their station.

00:47:54.140 In other words, 1.00

00:47:55.780 I want you ladies to not disconnect 0.92

00:48:00.160 submission and respect

00:48:02.460 from your ministry as a woman. 0.77

00:48:06.660 That is the ministry. 1.00

00:48:09.080 That's a huge part of your ministry.

00:48:10.820 more will be communicated to your children and to our community in your faithfulness in these two

00:48:18.280 areas than probably most of the sermons that I'll ever deliver. A lifetime of a godly woman

00:48:28.040 to her children is going to be far more powerful than my sermons. Yeah, the Lord may use a sermon 0.86

00:48:37.540 to change a heart, but the consistent faithfulness of a wife and mother is powerful. It's powerful.

00:48:48.820 A life of feminine order in a world of feminine chaos is extremely potent. 0.98

00:48:54.920 And lastly, a submissive and respectful wife is still the responsibility of the husband. 0.91

00:49:08.920 All of this, if you think that I was just talking to the women, you don't get it. 0.84

00:49:18.320 Your wife's submission and respect is actually your responsibility.

00:49:24.920 It's your responsibility as husbands to shepherd your wife and care for your wife and love

00:49:32.940 your wife in such a manner that the result, the fruitfulness of your bride results in

00:49:40.920 these realities. 0.90

00:49:44.180 When the ship is off course, we go to the captain, not to the vessel. 0.88

00:49:51.600 And when a wife is out of step with her biblical role, God looks to the husband as the head, 0.95

00:49:58.740 the representative and responsible party for the state of his home. 0.87

00:50:04.620 And so yes, women, you have a responsibility and a duty at the level of the heart.

00:50:10.800 But men, you also have a responsibility and a duty. 0.98

00:50:16.540 I often remind men, you cannot lead your wife 0.94

00:50:19.760 to be a glorious woman

00:50:22.440 if you don't know what a glorious woman is.

00:50:27.940 And so studying biblical womanhood

00:50:30.680 is a wonderful reality for men to do.

00:50:34.600 We are the ones responsible to raising godly daughters

00:50:37.500 and to raising godly households

00:50:42.020 and to leading and shepherding our wives to glory.

00:50:47.520 Yes, a wife has an equal responsibility in the sense of her duty before the Lord to do such a thing as well.

00:50:54.680 But next week, we are going to be discussing the immense responsibility and duties of Christian husbands to build faithful covenant homes.

00:51:07.060 Amen? Amen. Let's pray.

00:51:10.760 Father, we thank you, Lord, for your word.

00:51:13.000 Lord that you have left us with order

00:51:15.820 and not chaos

00:51:17.340 Lord that you have given us direction

00:51:19.600 not wanting

00:51:22.240 for clarity but

00:51:23.120 giving us a way and a path to live

00:51:26.020 Lord we ask

00:51:27.880 that you would help us to push our flesh away 1.00

00:51:29.780 Lord that we would dominate

00:51:31.720 our flesh through the spirit of God 0.92

00:51:33.300 Lord we pray for the women

00:51:35.700 in this congregation that they would continue to be

00:51:37.620 glorious examples of godly

00:51:39.740 women Lord that you would help 1.00

00:51:41.700 them and sanctify them in their service and submission to You. Lord, we pray for the husbands,

00:51:51.000 Lord, that You would bless them with loving leadership and a heart that guides and takes

00:51:56.660 responsibility for their home. Lord, we ask that all of this, not for our own purposes and for our

00:52:01.740 own joy, but also for the glory of the gospel to go out, Lord, that people would see the beauty of

00:52:08.080 the church and find curiosity in it. Lord, that you would draw your lost sheep to this community

00:52:16.660 through the faithfulness of these people. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.

Dale Partridge - May 10, 2024

Covenant Home Part 3： The Marital Duties of Wives with Dale Partridge

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