Dale Partridge - How Long Should A Couple Date Before They Get Engaged

00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we're going to be answering some questions. We got two questions.

00:00:16.120 What are the topics for today? We got a wife wanting to help her husband lead. Yep. And we

00:00:23.180 have a question for our singles. Which is a huge deal. It's a huge deal. We usually don't answer

00:00:28.360 questions from singles because this is a marriage podcast, but we get, we have a lot of singles

00:00:33.340 that listen to the show. So we are going to answer a question for a single woman trying

00:00:38.080 to navigate a dating relationship. Also, this is the last episode of the podcast being titled

00:00:46.660 Under Ultimate Marriage. And so as you guys have heard for the last three episodes, we have

00:00:52.100 mentioned that we are changing the name of the podcast from ultimate marriage to real Christianity

00:00:58.980 and the podcast cover art it's going to look exactly the same it's going to be pink with

00:01:05.140 a picture of Veronica and I just the words are going to say real Christianity and you don't

00:01:11.300 need to resubscribe everything should stay the same for some crazy reason if there's a technical

00:01:16.800 hiccup and you don't see our podcast next week then please do resubscribe but I think we should

00:01:22.760 be fine. I did a lot of googling to affirm my decision in doing this. Before we get started

00:01:29.900 I just want to let you guys know that this is a YouTube video if you want to watch these videos

00:01:35.120 and many couples do. Oh yeah we get tagged on Instagram all the time people like physically

00:01:39.600 watching them as they're like folding laundry or something. Yeah and a couple like small groups

00:01:43.740 to get together we had uh people watching them on their lunch breaks at work yeah we had a couple

00:01:48.400 write us from australia saying that they get together on a wednesday night with a few other

00:01:53.520 couples and watch our shows together and then they have like a study together about it i thought that

00:01:59.600 was so encouraging yeah it's awesome so anyways there's so many ideas but this is a video we do

00:02:04.260 this for your benefit you can also listen to this on google play stitcher on um itunes what

00:02:11.540 else am I thinking of? Spotify. All the things. All the things. And the last request I'd make

00:02:16.220 before we get started is, will you leave a review, Veronica? I was going to say it because your

00:02:23.460 pause is a little long there. We're so close to 2,000 reviews, guys. Reviews are probably the

00:02:29.920 best indicator for iTunes to say, oh, this podcast is doing really well. Let's show it to more

00:02:36.480 people. And so your review, again, you just need to tap the stars in iTunes. You don't even need

00:02:41.340 to write new thing yeah and people need to hear god's word they do so if we get uh the algorithm

00:02:47.520 likes us and itunes is all for it and is putting our podcast out there that's great that means more

00:02:52.820 people are hearing scripture and to be honest guys i'm gonna say something that's gonna scare

00:02:57.760 veronica oh no we are about to have 500 000 downloads um and veronica hates hearing how

00:03:06.260 many people listen because she's so shy but 500 000 downloads of the show in six months or so

00:03:14.200 and so um thank you guys for that and we're excited and again just to reiterate if this

00:03:21.140 is your first time hearing about our podcast switch we're only switching to the name real

00:03:25.820 christianity because we want to broaden our scope of the things that we can talk about

00:03:30.120 And then we can talk more to the singles. Yeah. Single people. We are totally, we can talk about

00:03:36.380 so many more topics other than just marriage. Yeah. And we will still absolutely be talking

00:03:42.820 about marriage and family probably regularly. Oh yeah. It'll always be an element of what we

00:03:49.080 talk about. So please stay tuned if you're here for just the marriage element. Um, let's go ahead

00:03:55.380 and read the first question. Once you read the first question, I'm going to take this first

00:03:59.260 question. Veronica will add in as she sees fit, and then she's going to really take part of the

00:04:05.020 next question. All right. First question. I've been married for 10 years to my husband. I struggle

00:04:09.840 with letting him lead because I question his ability to lead since he doesn't seem to be

00:04:14.020 following God. He attends church with myself and our children, but other than that, I don't see

00:04:18.800 any other godly things in his life. What do I do? I know I need to let him lead, and I want to.

00:04:25.160 I just get scared. Okay. We've, we've, this is a common question. Yes. Um, this one's a little

00:04:32.000 bit different because you have a husband who maybe says he's a Christian or at least goes to church, 0.79

00:04:40.100 which makes you believe that he's a Christian and a wife that's saying, okay, I see that he

00:04:48.380 shows up on Sunday, but that's really the only evidence in his life that he's a Christian.

00:04:55.980 Do I put him in the category of Christian man, or do I put him in the category of the

00:05:03.180 unbelieving husband?

00:05:04.740 I think that's what we need to uncover first.

00:05:09.640 Yeah, you need to identify which it is.

00:05:11.540 Yeah, so I'm going to treat this question as if it's a wife that has an unbelieving

00:05:16.520 husband. And I'm going to tell you why I've come to that conclusion. I'll use some scripture to

00:05:21.260 back it up. Guys, if you're watching a video, we have a brand new iPad. It's a huge iPad compared

00:05:27.500 to our iPad mini. But we're still using our iPad mini holder. We are. Yeah, we're going to get a

00:05:32.100 new one soon. But anyways, it's so nice. So here's why I'm going to treat this as if he's an

00:05:40.060 unbelieving husband. And I don't know the intricate details, but I think this is a common situation 1.00

00:05:45.960 for many Christian wives. Just because someone says they're a Christian doesn't mean they are

00:05:52.800 a Christian. And we live in the United States where that is just, if you say you're a Christian,

00:05:58.420 people believe that you're a Christian. Sadly, we've watered down Christianity in the West

00:06:03.320 so much that people believe that if someone just goes to church or says that they're a Christian,

00:06:09.460 like that they're a Christian.

00:06:12.280 And, you know, you would never see that kind of naivety

00:06:17.620 in any persecuted country. 0.64

00:06:21.240 In a persecuted country, you are far more careful to believe

00:06:24.660 or not believe. 0.96

00:06:27.040 You are far more skeptical when someone says that you're a Christian

00:06:29.940 because it could cost your life. 0.68

00:06:32.220 If you believed everyone that said they were a Christian 1.00

00:06:36.260 in afghanistan then you'd probably end up being martyred pretty quick because that is exactly the 0.95

00:06:44.180 tactic of the enemy to go in and present themselves as a wolf in sheep's clothing

00:06:50.220 sheep's clothing there we go okay so acts 9 26 through 30 explains this concept and i'm going to

00:06:58.040 just i'll get back to this question so it's all going to connect here in a minute but acts 29 or

00:07:03.720 Acts 9, 26 through 30 says, and when he had come to Jerusalem, this is Paul, when Paul had come to

00:07:11.580 Jerusalem, he attempted to join the disciples and they were all afraid of him for they did not

00:07:18.500 believe that he was a disciple. Well, why would they be afraid of him? Because he was previously

00:07:23.480 persecuting the church of God. He was trying to kill people. He was literally holding the 0.93

00:07:29.740 jackets of the people that were stoning Stephen. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the

00:07:36.400 apostles and declared to them how on the road he had seen the Lord. Paul had seen the Lord who

00:07:42.460 spoke to him and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus. So he went in and out

00:07:49.800 among them at Jerusalem, preaching boldly in the name of the Lord. And he spoke and disputed

00:07:55.600 against the Hellenists. This is the Greek-speaking Jews. But they were seeking to kill him. And when 0.88

00:08:03.300 the brothers learned this, that he was willing, ultimately, that he was willing to put his life

00:08:09.760 for sake for the cross, for Jesus, then they brought him down to Caesarea and sent him off

00:08:15.120 to Tarsus. They kind of made him his own. It took quite a bit for these disciples to believe that

00:08:22.280 Paul. One, you needed to have Barnabas vouch for him. Two, they needed to see him speak boldly

00:08:28.560 about that. They're looking for evidence. They don't just believe. They want to see the fruit.

00:08:33.420 Yeah. They don't just believe that, oh, because you say you're a Christian now, Paul,

00:08:37.080 that I'm going to believe you and you're going to come kill me. We have not adopted this

00:08:42.240 biblical mindset in America because we're so unpersecuted. The only persecution you deal with

00:08:50.620 is you're afraid to respond to that Facebook comment of that mean person.

00:08:54.100 That's the persecution that we deal with here

00:08:57.400 in comparison to people getting hung for their faith across the globe.

00:09:03.180 Now, because we cannot see human hearts the way that God can,

00:09:10.640 God has given us scriptures on how to determine if someone is a Christian or not.

00:09:16.780 And so if this is you and your marriage and you're trying to figure out if your husband or wife is a Christian, I'm going to help you understand what the Bible says on identifying if this person is actually, if your spouse is actually a Christian.

00:09:34.160 And I'm kind of bummed because I was going to use this same content for the first episode of Real Christianity, but hey, we get to use it now.

00:09:42.160 So the first thing is you can always ask him.

00:09:45.300 Yeah, ask him point blank.

00:09:46.780 are you are you a christian um now you need to you need to know what a christian is um so i'm

00:09:53.640 going to give you a couple points on that and i think again i actually think lots of marriages

00:09:57.360 and and you might even be listening to this going dang am i a christian john 8 31 to 32 we say it

00:10:04.320 all the time on this podcast if you abide in my word you are truly my disciples this is jesus

00:10:10.600 talking and you will know the truth who's the truth jesus jesus and the truth will set you free

00:10:17.280 abide in my word means that you remain in my word and then you are truly my disciples indeed so

00:10:24.360 first thing is does your husband abide in the word of god an important question to ask this is one

00:10:31.660 way that we can tell if someone is a disciple or not matthew 17 or sorry matthew 7 15 through 20

00:10:39.420 It says,

00:11:09.420 not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire therefore by their fruits you will know

00:11:16.360 them okay ladies and gentlemen ask yourselves is there good fruit on your tree or your spouse's

00:11:26.020 tree this is another way to determine if they're a christian and i see good fruit in veronica's

00:11:34.120 life. I hope that she would say the same. Yes. So it's an important thing to be evaluating.

00:11:47.180 Is this tree bearing fruit? And then we go on to 1 John chapter 4. This is 1 through 3. This is

00:11:53.540 another way to examine and determine if someone is a Christian, and in this instance, your spouse. 0.52

00:12:01.960 beloved do not believe every spirit but test the spirits whether they are of god let's stop there

00:12:10.320 for a second it gives you a first thing is don't believe every spirit and i feel like we've since

00:12:18.140 we've understood these things we've done a better job of just kind of confirming before people say

00:12:23.880 you know or when they do say we're they're a christian is that what you mean yeah a couple

00:12:28.860 nights ago, I was at a guy's night with a gentleman and he said, he's a Christian. I go,

00:12:33.160 oh, okay. So what does that mean to you? Um, yeah, we go to church and I go, okay, well,

00:12:38.180 do you like actually abide with the word? Like, do you actually follow the Bible or are you just

00:12:41.360 kind of Christian by name? Like I'm asking these questions point blank. And, and, uh, I could tell

00:12:47.440 like my introverted friend is like sinking in his chair, like disappearing, like, oh my gosh,

00:12:52.240 I can't believe he's asking these questions. Um, it was funny. So we can test the spirits and

00:12:58.840 what do we test them against? The Word of God. We test them against the Word of God. My wife is very

00:13:04.840 smart. I've been trained well. It says, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits

00:13:10.420 whether they are of God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this

00:13:15.260 you know the Spirit of God. Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh

00:13:22.000 is of God. And every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not

00:13:30.040 of God. That word confess, I'm going to take a quick guess because I'm trying to pull back my

00:13:35.900 Greek. I'm pretty sure that word in the Greek is homo legale. I'm almost positive. Homo legale

00:13:41.280 in the word, the Greek word homo legale means to authentically acknowledge. So it's saying

00:13:47.980 by this you know the spirit of God every spirit that authentically acknowledges that Jesus Christ

00:13:52.500 has come into the flesh is of God and every spirit that does not authentically acknowledge

00:13:56.920 that Jesus Christ has come into the flesh is not of God again another thing is your husband

00:14:02.800 you know is he authentically acknowledging that Jesus Christ is Lord or is he just saying it or

00:14:10.960 is he just saying it you know or I was raised Christian so yeah I'm Christian like is there a

00:14:14.820 heart change. Yeah. Can you see it in someone's life? One more test, just a way to evaluate again,

00:14:26.420 is 1 John chapter 2, 3 through 5. It says, now by this we know that we know him.

00:14:35.220 Now, this is an important statement because in the Gospels, Jesus says, like one of the scariest

00:14:44.140 scriptures. I should have wrote it down. It says, um, for many will come in this day and in this

00:14:50.460 time and say, Lord, Lord, we've done, we've cast out demons in your name. We've prophesied in your

00:14:56.100 name. And Jesus responds with away from me. I never knew you. Yes. I never knew you, you who

00:15:05.420 practice lawlessness. Okay. So that's a, he says you never, or he never knew you. So how do we know

00:15:15.920 if Jesus knows us? That's a really important question because he's saying that I have

00:15:22.320 literally not, you've done all these cool spiritual activities, but I don't know you.

00:15:28.520 So you need to go, well, dang, I want to make sure that Jesus knows me.

00:15:33.660 Well, 1 John chapter 2, verse 3 through 5, literally starts with these words.

00:15:40.020 Now by this we know that we know him.

00:15:44.100 If we keep his commandments. 0.84

00:15:48.220 He who says, I know him, and does not keep his commandments, is a liar.

00:15:54.020 And the truth, who is Jesus, is not in him.

00:15:57.980 But whoever keeps his word, truly the love of God is perfected in him.

00:16:03.540 By this we know that we are in him.

00:16:06.920 Like, I feel like the Bible is so clear.

00:16:09.860 People just don't read it like a contract.

00:16:13.080 These are the terms, people.

00:16:16.020 So, yeah, if you want to know God, keep his commandments.

00:16:18.340 The second thing that you need to ask now your spouse or yourself is that,

00:16:23.480 does your spouse keep Jesus' commandments?

00:16:27.000 And I think Veronica made a good point of, is there a heart change?

00:16:30.840 Is God's law written on their heart and they're being disciplined?

00:16:36.600 The next thing is, which I'm not going to mention, but is that, is he disciplined by the Lord?

00:16:40.980 Meaning, you know, the Lord loves those he loves, or loves his children, disciplines those he loves.

00:16:47.420 You know, do you see your husband growing in the spirit?

00:16:51.020 It's evidence that he's a child of God because he's being disciplined with a guilty conscience when he sins.

00:16:58.200 Sanctification.

00:16:59.040 Yeah.

00:16:59.540 Is your sanctification taking place?

00:17:01.460 Like growth, you know, like almost the pain of leaving your sin.

00:17:07.960 Is that there?

00:17:09.860 Is that there?

00:17:10.640 And is it a joy?

00:17:12.420 Does it turn into a joy?

00:17:14.520 Yeah, that you're happy that you've actually walked in the spirit and not in the flesh. 0.92

00:17:19.220 So again, you first need to determine if your husband's a Christian.

00:17:22.080 I think this is a very applicable conversation for many wives and many husbands.

00:17:29.420 Does he abide in God's word?

00:17:30.860 Does he bear good fruit?

00:17:32.080 Have you tested his life against the word of God?

00:17:34.240 Does he keep Jesus' commandments?

00:17:38.560 Is he disciplined by the Lord?

00:17:40.640 These are valid questions that we need to determine, not just,

00:17:45.280 And he goes to church, and so therefore I'm going to just kind of, he's a Christian.

00:17:50.980 This is what you would do in any other country.

00:17:55.520 If you come to the conclusion that he's not a Christian, then we need to understand the difference between submission as a wife and allowing for spiritual leadership.

00:18:09.140 And so this is really important.

00:18:10.580 A man cannot bring his family to a place that he hasn't gone to.

00:18:15.280 And so my thought is, I think you're correct in saying that you are your desire to submit to your husband, even if he's not a believer. 0.61

00:18:26.160 I think that is a biblical perspective to submit to him in all things that are lawful.

00:18:30.420 You've heard those messages that we've given before.

00:18:34.740 But yes, to submit to your husband and all things that are lawful, like it's not going to cause you to sin.

00:18:40.460 It's not going to cause you to break laws in your country.

00:18:43.400 but all those things that is the big bucket of things, yeah, you should walk in submission to

00:18:49.080 your husband according to the scriptures if you're calling yourself a Christian. And

00:18:53.380 this is obedience to Christ, not obedience to your husband. It's because the Lord has called you

00:18:58.980 to that spot. But it does not mean that you, I guess, forget about your role or pass off your

00:19:09.560 role of spiritual leadership to your husband if he's not a Christian. Because I think they're

00:19:15.580 two different things. Submission and spiritual leadership are two different things. And they're

00:19:21.480 not one of the same. So I think that your husband, if he's not a Christian, you have to take up 1.00

00:19:28.640 that role of spiritual leadership in your own life and in your children's lives. 0.50

00:19:34.160 But not over him.

00:19:35.100 but not over him. Still honoring your husband in a submissive way, in a submissive manner,

00:19:41.680 but also living out your biblical role. Yeah. So teaching your children what it looks like to be

00:19:51.300 a believer, a follower of Christ. Yeah. And not expecting him to take you places that he's not

00:19:57.060 going and what you should be doing at the core is praying for your husband to come to the lord

00:20:05.500 and that just because he knows with his head that jesus is the lord he hasn't looked like he's

00:20:13.820 relinquished the authority of his heart to the lord and the moment that he does i think you do

00:20:19.840 to switch that spiritual leadership role over to him.

00:20:26.220 Yes, we've had several friends who have, yeah, their husbands would say they're a Christian,

00:20:32.140 but the wife was like more spiritually mature.

00:20:34.760 And then the husband did have a heart change, and he did start to have that desire to grow

00:20:40.620 and to learn and to lead the family.

00:20:42.180 And though she may have known more scripture, she totally took a step back and just let

00:20:49.180 her husband grow in his role and mature in his role. And it was hard for her. It was hard for

00:20:54.220 her, but she submitted to the word of God. And I'm sure there were times where she messed up here and

00:20:59.280 there, but overall she definitely, um, was in a reverence towards her husband as he was learning

00:21:06.700 that. Um, and now, um, he's doing a great job and she doesn't have that issue nearly as, as bad as

00:21:17.380 she did. Yeah. And a man has, when he kind of latches on to the Holy spirit and the word of

00:21:23.260 God can just grow rapidly. If, if I always say that it's not how many years you've known the

00:21:30.760 Lord, but how many hours and how many hours do you put in laboring over the word of God in prayer?

00:21:38.940 Um, and I've watched this man just skyrocket. Yeah. And be, obviously be praying for your

00:21:44.680 husband but also if he's you know um receptive to it hopefully he is be encouraging him and

00:21:51.620 rooting him and rooting him on and not just saying like i i really wish you did this i really wish

00:21:57.180 you did that um because it might make him feel like he's failing at everything or if he if you

00:22:03.960 do see something that he sees or if you do see something that he's doing um that you appreciate

00:22:10.820 that is maybe, you know, a sign of growth or a sign of him leading. You can say, I really love

00:22:17.460 when you did that instead of saying, I wish you did this. That's a great point, ladies.

00:22:24.380 So I think that's, that's a good wrap up on that question. We're going to answer one more question.

00:22:28.680 It's our singles question. Veronica is going to go through some of this stuff and then we'll

00:22:33.480 close out with some other notes. Okay. Our question to the singles. My boyfriend and I

00:22:40.880 have been dating for over a year and not sure when it's an appropriate, uh, and not sure when

00:22:46.120 it's appropriate to expect an engagement. We like, we like many Christian couples struggle to remain 0.99

00:22:51.260 pure and feel that the prolonging of marriage is making that harder. Okay. So again, the reason why

00:22:58.820 we decided to answer this question because we have a huge single audience and we get lots of

00:23:03.620 lots of questions asking us questions and we yeah we've kind of stayed away from that um because

00:23:09.320 it was a marriage podcast but now that we're transitioning we are hopefully going to be able

00:23:12.880 to answer a lot more of your questions um and then hopefully us answering this question can

00:23:19.900 help even the married couples answer this question to their single friends as well i think a lot of

00:23:26.700 single people turn to married couples for the advice on marriage. And so, yeah, we get this

00:23:34.440 question all the time. So yeah, if you're a married couple, this is something that, this is

00:23:39.340 how we answer this question that might help you answer this question when it's actually pointed

00:23:43.880 towards you. Yeah. So I'll start with a little bit of Dale and I's just really quick brief story.

00:23:48.900 Dale and I dated for nine months before he proposed. And then we were married three months

00:23:54.680 later so from starting our dating relationship to starting of our marriage was one year um and then

00:24:02.040 i think what we learned within those first six months to a year um that you kind of start to

00:24:12.120 have these intense feelings intense arguments risks and worries that married couples have

00:24:19.480 because you have this this love and this care for this person that married couples have but without

00:24:23.560 the security of a marriage or intimacy that helps solve those issues yeah um so since you guys have

00:24:32.720 been dating for over a year it's likely that your hearts feel very at risk they're uneasy they're

00:24:40.900 they don't have security of the marriage and the unifying act of sex that you're looking for and

00:24:48.280 it kind of puts you in a tricky spot it does i mean it's a scary spot to be in because you're

00:24:53.140 just going okay I feel as invested as a married person yet I am at risk like if you just leave

00:25:05.040 you can just leave and I my heart will just crush on the floor you know which is hard yeah so we've

00:25:12.700 always told couples two things single people two things you should generally be able to know if you

00:25:19.700 could marry a person within a handful of dates um maybe a month of getting to know each other

00:25:26.340 um within a handful of dates you should know like okay i i think i think i could marry this person

00:25:32.680 or no not at all yeah if no like stop wasting your time stop dating them totally yeah like you're

00:25:38.800 it's just a waste of time that's what it is our friend chad he's married for 20 something years

00:25:44.920 now and has 11 kids. But he had a great story that he told us at our marriage retreat. He said

00:25:53.360 that he went on one date with another woman before he found his wife, Janice. And he said,

00:26:04.420 nope, that's really enjoyed getting to know you, but just can't marry this woman. And so he moved

00:26:10.660 on to the another woman and then he went on i think two dates with this other woman and then

00:26:16.960 he met janice and was like boom like he knew the first date and a lot of guys i see this at least

00:26:23.660 a lot of guys know really quick the girls are the ones that take a little bit more time to

00:26:29.060 be sold on the idea i told veronica that i would marry her before we even went on a date

00:26:33.640 um and she didn't believe that no but here we are

00:26:38.580 so um if you think you can marry a person you don't need any more than six to 12 months to

00:26:45.480 figure that out and to get to know each other um yeah yeah and i think that the the um

00:26:52.080 bond of marriage the what is the word bond binding of marriage i don't know what the word is um

00:26:58.260 it's just if you would have gotten into the some of the arguments you'll get into when you get

00:27:04.800 married then while you're single or dating dating you would have left like you would have broken up

00:27:13.180 and gone but being married you get to work through those things and you get to grow and you get to

00:27:18.900 mature and i look back now even early on in our marriage when i look at the arguments and the

00:27:23.960 fights that we would get into our first year in our first year I'm just like man I'm so grateful

00:27:30.000 we stuck it out and like didn't because we used to throw the divorce word around we don't do that

00:27:34.040 at all anymore but when we did like I'm so glad that we stuck it out and we powered through that

00:27:40.480 and we're sanctified through that because now we're able to minister to other couples who are

00:27:45.380 going through those trenches and those hard times well and if we had the fights that we had in our

00:27:50.780 first year of marriage and we weren't married as veronica said yes he says it way more eloquently

00:27:55.300 we would have just jumped ship and so you start to have the intensity that's so intense like after

00:28:02.460 you've been together for a year that if you get enough it's because of that risk you feel vulnerable

00:28:07.240 and you start getting like you start fighting back because you just go man i need i need security but

00:28:13.920 like, you know, and that's why the anger comes and it's protection. And again, if you got in that

00:28:21.240 kind of fight that we got into our first year, you just go. So the importance is to get married

00:28:26.420 so that you can't leave. And it actually solves a lot of the problems. It solves a lot of the

00:28:32.480 security problems and it solves actually lots of the fight issues. Most of the fight issues

00:28:37.840 stem from an insecurity and that's why we i would just always tell our daughter or our sons like

00:28:44.040 get married real quick like less than a year for sure you should not be dating longer than a year

00:28:51.680 maybe if you're like in a crazy long distance relationship or something but outside of that

00:28:56.880 get married quick is this me okay um yeah so that's my advice six to twelve months you need

00:29:06.640 to be, you should be able to know. You should be able to know. We actually have a great example of

00:29:10.520 the guy that edits this podcast. I'm going to brag on him real quick. Jackson. He's listening

00:29:15.660 because he's editing this. Um, but Jackson started, uh, dating a young girl and, uh, within,

00:29:21.480 I don't know, a couple of weeks he was like, Oh my gosh, I can marry this girl. And then I said,

00:29:26.760 Hey, well then keep dating her, get to know her. And he got to know her. And, um, after about three

00:29:35.380 or four months, he made the decision that it's time to propose. He proposed, she said yes,

00:29:40.800 and they're getting married this June. And so, you know, now they're not married until they're

00:29:46.020 married, but the journey is going great, and they've just followed not what the culture says,

00:29:54.480 but really a biblical model of wisdom on that. And so I'm going to talk about a couple things,

00:29:59.900 the last part of your question here about the same peer. 1 Corinthians 6, 18, flee from sexual

00:30:09.960 immorality, like run from that stuff. And part of the reason Veronica and I decided to get married

00:30:18.680 as fast as we did is because we have the same struggle that everybody else does when you're

00:30:22.560 dating and you're single and is that you're Christian. You want to not have sex before

00:30:27.840 you get married. You want to remain pure. And that is a struggle. The longer you're together,

00:30:32.460 the harder the struggle is. And that was part of the reason that Veronica and I,

00:30:36.300 I went up to my pastor at the time and I said, hey, you know, we're having this struggle. And

00:30:41.080 he goes, hey, why don't you get married? We're already engaged. Why don't you get married this

00:30:44.560 weekend? And I was like, wow, okay. I never thought about getting married this weekend.

00:30:51.000 And he said, yeah, come to my house on Sunday and let's get married. And I said, well, let me ask

00:30:56.040 veronica and i called veronica and i she said okay yeah that sounds like a great idea and we

00:31:02.580 got married with just a handful of people at his house and then had a huge reception a couple

00:31:07.880 months later that sunday without our plan happened to be valentine's day no joke so we are the people

00:31:16.560 that have their have our anniversary on valentine's day and can't actually celebrate it because

00:31:21.700 everywhere's busy everywhere's busy and we never intended it to be on valentine's day um so anyways

00:31:27.200 fun story so i want to say one thing about how to view your relationship with your dating partner

00:31:35.380 um first timothy chapter five one and two it says do not rebuke an older man but exhort him as a

00:31:43.020 father. Younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all purity.

00:31:55.020 So this is how Paul saying to Timothy, how Christian relationships should be had between

00:32:00.940 men, women, boys, girls together. And we don't need to talk about the older man and older woman

00:32:09.180 stuff, but he says, this is a letter to the guys. This is, Paul doesn't write to the women. Paul

00:32:14.300 writes to the men. And so this is a letter to the men. This is a letter also to a male named

00:32:18.240 Timothy. Treat the younger women, not young girls, but younger women as sisters. So, and it also says

00:32:27.520 comma with all purity. I would ask a young man in this situation, I go, do you kiss and make out 0.98

00:32:36.040 with your sister? No. Do you hold hands with your sister? Maybe. If you're five. If you're five. 0.64

00:32:47.100 The idea is that with all purity, you need to treat her until she's your wife or your betrothed.

00:32:54.360 Treat her like your sister. And the reason is because you don't know if she's going to be

00:33:02.520 someone else's wife or if that man is going to be someone else's husband did i say that right

00:33:10.200 okay and so i encourage christian couples to not kiss or have any

00:33:19.440 relational activities prior to engagement i don't think sex until marriage but i would give a little

00:33:28.260 bit of leeway of you get to make the decision in an engagement element between the couple. But

00:33:33.900 prior to that, I just go, you don't know if you're kissing some other woman's husband. 0.86

00:33:39.680 How many husbands are you willing to kiss as a woman? I don't know. It should be zero. 0.95

00:33:45.820 And so that's just what I think about. The Bible does make it clear that it's not good for man to

00:33:52.620 be alone. When God says that in Genesis, God doesn't make him another human, another man

00:33:58.900 to solve the loneliness issue. He makes him a wife. So when he's saying it's not good a man to

00:34:06.520 be alone, it's get married. And ladies, it implies also that it's not good for you to be alone

00:34:13.980 either. And sure, I know that you guys are thinking, but what about 1 Corinthians 7 that

00:34:19.900 talks about singleness. That is in the context of having complete control of your sexual desires.

00:34:26.580 It actually says, 1 Corinthians 7, 9, but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry.

00:34:32.340 And with the porn rates today, we know that many men cannot exercise self-control and many women.

00:34:40.020 For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Some of the translations, it doesn't

00:34:47.720 even say that in the greek it says it's better to marry than to burn and it talks about it really

00:34:52.900 leans on the idea of burning in hell is that's the concept there is that it's better to marry

00:34:59.600 than to just like walk in sexual immorality and actually not inherit the kingdom of god which is

00:35:04.220 what it talks about later in that chapter and so yes if you have the gift of singleness you don't

00:35:11.240 have a desire stay single do what you want to do but i'm talking to these people that are dating

00:35:16.520 and get married quick um the main reason that people prolong marriage especially dudes for

00:35:24.740 engagement is that they're afraid they're selfish or they're just ignorant a lot of people are

00:35:30.360 are um the culture does not affirm you getting married real quick oh absolutely not even the

00:35:38.420 church is like no just keep dating for five years like i just go this is absurd get

00:35:45.520 married so if you're listening to this i'm just telling you get married okay that's my rant

00:35:52.160 memory verse memory verse for the week first timothy 5 verse 1 through 2 do not rebuke an

00:35:58.540 older man but exhort him as a father younger men as brothers older women as mothers younger women

00:36:04.620 as sisters with all purity so we are wrapping up next episode guys is the first episode of

00:36:14.040 real Christianity. I got a lot to do. I got to figure out where we're going to actually,

00:36:18.880 if these will be posted on relearnchurch.org, but I got to do just a lot of technical stuff.

00:36:24.300 There's gonna be probably a new introduction, a little outro. Some of those things are going

00:36:28.180 to happen this week. Just excited about that. So just take a look for that for real Christianity

00:36:35.140 next week. Also, if you want to get the notes of this episode, it's going to be at

00:36:40.540 ultimatemarriage.com. That website's still

00:36:42.600 staying there. Our program is still

00:36:44.560 staying there. Our marriage retreat

00:36:46.580 is still there. All that stuff is still

00:36:48.400 there. We're not

00:36:50.420 removing that. We're just really

00:36:52.600 shifting this over to our,

00:36:54.320 I would say, mothership ministry, which

00:36:56.560 is ReLearn Church. And Ultimate

00:36:58.580 Marriage is a companion ministry.

00:37:00.940 But this is episode number 30.

00:37:02.800 And you can get all the notes and the

00:37:04.460 scriptures that we referenced here.

00:37:06.960 I'll let Veronica sing us out.

00:37:09.920 Goodbye.

00:37:10.540 All right, guys. See you guys next week.

00:37:40.540 Ultimate Marriage is a listener-supported podcast and a companion ministry of relearnchurch.org.

Dale Partridge - January 30, 2019

How Long Should A Couple Date Before They Get Engaged

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript