Dale Partridge - Marriage in the Home

00:00:00.000 Welcome to our home. My name is Dale Partridge, and I'm here with my wife, Veronica.

00:00:09.240 Hi.

00:00:09.940 Our hope is to help you cultivate a glorious Christian home. This episode is titled Marriage

00:00:16.040 in the Home. If you're new here, each episode is broken into two parts. Part one is available for

00:00:22.240 free on every podcast platform. Part two is only available in the ReLearn app. The ReLearn app is

00:00:29.280 a library filled with theological content for the Christian life. We have hundreds of audiobooks,

00:00:34.400 ebooks, videos, courses, all for a small monthly fee that supports our ministry. In fact, yesterday

00:00:39.120 I added a great audiobook by Benjamin Warfield titled, Can Women Speak in Church? It's just a

00:00:46.720 12-minute audio essay that has been modernized and teaches the biblical exposition on that topic.

00:00:53.360 Like there was another audio essay that I added called Christ, our substitute, a little bit longer, maybe 25 minutes, but talks about Christ being our righteousness and our sin being imputed to Christ.

00:01:06.340 It's a really wonderful book in modern and modern English.

00:01:10.120 And that was by, I believe, R.L. Dabney.

00:01:13.020 In addition, you can get all of my books.

00:01:14.660 So if you have Jesus and my gender or the manliness of Christ or a cover for glory, all of those are available in there in audio format and ebook format inside the app.

00:01:26.060 Again, that's at relearn.org forward slash app.

00:01:29.220 If you want to check that out again, that's relearn.org forward slash app.

00:01:34.180 In part one of today's episode, we're going to discuss what Christian marriage looks like in the home.

00:01:39.860 and in part two we're going to talk about how to have a glorious sex life including a discussion

00:01:47.220 around frequency and unique circumstances so i believe these are going to be great and very

00:01:53.140 helpful conversations let's go ahead and open up with part one marriage in the home now as you

00:02:01.540 know, probably know, marriage is free and independent of the home. But it is marriage

00:02:10.020 that really makes a household. And households or families make up the central building blocks of

00:02:15.880 society. So without marriages creating households, humanity begins to fade away. And we are seeing

00:02:22.600 this now with a tidal wave of single middle-aged adults who are without children and will finish

00:02:29.980 their days in assisted living centers. We are going to have a generation that has not procreated, 0.77

00:02:37.900 has not created those households. And so marriage, as it relates to the home, is God's means for

00:02:45.360 couples to serve God through procreation, household creation, and multi-generational

00:02:52.640 faithfulness. So how does marriage in the home align with scripture? How should we be thinking

00:03:02.480 about this topic? And I have three points that I'm going to make. And Veronica is going to chime

00:03:06.660 in here as we have this discussion. Number one is in order to have a biblical or Christian marriage 1.00

00:03:13.740 in the home, your marriage needs to be yielded to scripture. Now, one point I have here is 0.99

00:03:20.580 a hundred percent of divorces are a result of husbands and wives not yielding to the authority

00:03:27.260 of scripture what's your thoughts there yeah totally agree um in christian marriage if you're

00:03:33.160 going into it saying hey this is who you married deal with it like i did unfortunately when we

00:03:42.060 first got married we had a really rough first few years um and i think it was a lot of it had to do

00:03:48.040 with both of us just being selfish and being like, well, this is who you married. This is just how

00:03:54.040 I am. You're going to have to deal with it or get over it. Instead of going into marriage and

00:03:59.720 saying, what does the scripture actually call us to? What are our biblical roles? How are we

00:04:05.700 supposed to glorify God in our marriage, in our union together before him? Because we got married

00:04:15.240 really fast so we didn't really do any of that we just got married we were young believers if if we

00:04:19.800 were even believers i mean you were but i wasn't i was a believer but i had only been a been a

00:04:24.120 christian for like a year and a half yeah and i i thought i was a believer but i don't think i was

00:04:27.560 born again and you know we were playing chess without rules that was essentially the reality

00:04:36.680 of our marriage i think a lot of marriages are like that we we base the rules off of whoever's

00:04:40.520 emotions yeah it was emotional based off of our feelings whoever had the best argument who ever

00:04:45.400 had the more logical you know explanation as to why we're doing something um it was a mess yeah

00:04:53.800 and we know that a game without rules is terrible because the purpose of rules in a game is to

00:05:02.120 allow a direction and um the possibility of somebody winning so rules are good right rules

00:05:09.960 help us win and you know if you walk into a city and you tell everybody for a minute

00:05:17.640 just interpret what green yellow and red mean you're going to have chaos yeah and

00:05:24.760 this is why marriage with rules it's a framework yeah yeah and we we just didn't have that early on

00:05:31.880 Second Timothy 3.16, Paul pens these words.

00:05:36.800 He says, all scripture is breathed out by God

00:05:39.900 and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction,

00:05:43.120 for training in righteousness, that the man of God,

00:05:45.920 that's anthropos, it doesn't just mean men,

00:05:48.040 it means mankind, that the man of God may be complete,

00:05:52.260 equipped for every good work.

00:05:55.440 And another thing I was just thinking about

00:05:57.480 is not only did we not have that outlook

00:06:01.880 on marriage when we first got married,

00:06:04.300 we knew that we're Christians.

00:06:05.800 You're a Christian, I'm a Christian,

00:06:07.060 we love each other, let's get married. 0.80

00:06:09.920 But we were also not raised in Christian homes.

00:06:12.560 And we, our parents on both mine and Dale's family, 0.95

00:06:17.640 I would say, I mean, they weren't,

00:06:21.780 they weren't Christians. 0.97

00:06:22.640 And so at least my family wasn't Christians. 0.87

00:06:24.460 And so even if they were somewhat walking in roles, 0.96

00:06:29.760 they're not submitted to Christ.

00:06:31.360 And so it was a false representation of what a marriage

00:06:36.260 and biblical roles look like.

00:06:38.080 Which is a prime example of how your marriage

00:06:40.960 will affect the marriage of your children.

00:06:44.960 Yeah, definitely impacted ours for sure.

00:06:47.900 Yeah, so marriage in the home is a direct relationship

00:06:51.940 with your generations, and which is the point

00:06:54.020 we're trying to make here. We have to remember that we are the beneficiaries of obedience to God.

00:07:02.200 It's not God that's the beneficiary of our obedience. We are the beneficiaries, meaning

00:07:08.380 that the benefit is ours. We sometimes think that being obedient is hard. I always tell people,

00:07:17.280 try being disobedient. That's harder. It leads to a life of chaos instead of a life of order.

00:07:24.020 And so when we submit ourselves to scripture,

00:07:27.060 we also have to be aware of scripture.

00:07:29.420 We can't be ignorant of scripture.

00:07:30.620 We need to be in a good biblical church.

00:07:32.000 We need to have a husband who's stepping up in his roles

00:07:35.680 and leading the family.

00:07:36.600 We need to have people that are reading their Bibles

00:07:38.420 and not just reading their Bibles,

00:07:39.440 but also reading theology.

00:07:42.240 So you can't say, oh, we wanna submit to scripture,

00:07:45.360 but then not know what the scriptures say

00:07:49.220 regarding that matter.

00:07:50.300 But being disobedient is harder than being obedient.

00:07:54.140 I promise you that, and we have learned that in our marriage.

00:07:56.940 James 1, 22 to 25 says,

00:08:00.380 but be doers of the word and not hearers only,

00:08:03.260 deceiving yourselves.

00:08:04.760 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer,

00:08:07.900 he's like a man observing his face in the mirror.

00:08:10.560 For what he observes himself goes away

00:08:12.080 and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.

00:08:14.780 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty,

00:08:16.820 meaning that it's not the law that makes us righteous,

00:08:18.940 but Christ makes us righteous,

00:08:21.180 but we still obey the law because the law is good.

00:08:24.680 He says, is not a forgetful hearer,

00:08:26.320 but a doer of the work.

00:08:28.040 This one will be blessed in what he does.

00:08:32.020 And so I feel like, I don't know,

00:08:35.180 you want to speak to that?

00:08:36.020 Just how you personally have yielded in circumstances

00:08:41.160 that your flesh said no,

00:08:42.100 but you knew that it was the right thing to obey God

00:08:44.240 by submitting or by.

00:08:46.020 I think just looking back at, like I said,

00:08:48.140 early years of our marriage and how challenging they were um we had an older man confront us

00:08:56.780 about as we were showing up places obviously freshly off of an argument you know my face

00:09:03.180 and my eyes would be puffy because i'd be crying or something and you'd be frustrated with me or

00:09:08.300 whatever we had an older man speak into our life and say what are you guys doing this is something

00:09:17.420 that is kind of becoming a pattern are you guys going to live your lives as people who say they're

00:09:25.580 christians or not are you guys a christian are you guys christians or not because this is what the

00:09:29.660 bible has to say of what a christian marriage looks like but this is not what you're doing

00:09:35.900 and i think that was really at least for me i don't know you can speak for yourself but

00:09:39.740 it was really the first time which is sad it was like really the first time i had ever thought

00:09:44.540 about that you know like i said we were just like i'm a christian you're a christian we love each

00:09:49.420 other let's get married but i just never even thought about what like in depth what is a

00:09:57.980 biblical role for a wife and that was really the first time that it was like challenged to me and

00:10:06.620 it the the pain that it caused for us not walking in our biblical roles

00:10:12.380 was enough for me to be like okay this is obviously not working i'm not doing i'm not

00:10:17.740 walking according to what scripture has called me to you are not walking according to what

00:10:21.820 scripture has called you to um and i'm quite frankly just really sick of fighting with you

00:10:28.060 all the time and this is not the marriage that i want and so i think that was really

00:10:34.940 the beginning of us yeah it was a grace of the world transitioning into walking and how the

00:10:40.780 lord and honestly it happened right pretty quick i felt like we just turned it around

00:10:44.220 like i mean it took some time but but it was you know we we really started seeing fruit immediately

00:10:53.260 right it was a few years of of hard marriage like three years of hard marriage but in that

00:10:59.020 third year fourth year was when um we started operating as scripture calls us to and immediate

00:11:08.540 and it got a lot better yeah i'm saying is that after we shifted yeah i i hear what you're saying

00:11:13.260 yeah yeah and i i always want to encourage couples i go hey you know if you want a great marriage

00:11:17.020 starting tomorrow just obey um now you need to be aware of what you are to obey but um but you can

00:11:24.860 have a great marriage like today if you just start obeying scripture and that's really uh you know

00:11:32.300 you can turn a a canyon in your marriage to a crack in just a second if you just go hey you

00:11:37.740 you know what, I'm done doing me.

00:11:39.840 I'm gonna actually trust that the Lord has a better idea

00:11:44.220 on how marriage should be operated

00:11:46.460 and what a blessing it is to your children.

00:11:49.020 Point number two, marriage is mirroring the gospel

00:11:53.320 to one another and to your children.

00:11:57.060 And so the opening two chapters of the Bible

00:11:58.980 depict God's creation in this perfect world,

00:12:01.600 setting the stage for a marriage between Adam and Eve

00:12:05.160 who are naked in a garden.

00:12:06.540 and no shame, beautiful marriage.

00:12:10.340 The final two chapters of the Bible

00:12:12.300 are unveiling God's establishment of a renewed world,

00:12:17.160 preparing a marriage between Christ and his bride.

00:12:20.400 And so it's something fascinating

00:12:23.300 is that it's not just,

00:12:26.340 marriage isn't like just one theme in the Bible.

00:12:28.660 Like marriage is the theme in the Bible.

00:12:32.680 Now it's obviously redemption,

00:12:34.580 but it includes a marriage.

00:12:36.360 And so marriage is really a part of the entire narrative of scripture.

00:12:42.460 And so it's a very beautiful and important theological reality that we need to see.

00:12:48.340 Earthly marriage is a mirror of the gospel to each other and to your children.

00:12:55.880 And so Veronica's job is to model the church and my job is to model Christ.

00:13:01.420 meaning that my job is to love uh veronica like i or like christ loves the church

00:13:10.200 and veronica is to submit to her husband as the church submits to christ and so these are

00:13:18.040 uh think about that for a minute babe but what does that do for our children when they see that

00:13:24.100 i think it gives them security it gives them um trust um our kids you know we're in a pretty

00:13:36.600 healthy christian community so we don't meet a lot of people that have um who've been through

00:13:43.440 divorces and we we do but in our close-knit community you know not many people have been

00:13:48.380 divorced or yeah and our kids um you know we'll meet a neighbor or a friend or something

00:13:54.600 at the park or and oh my parents are divorced and they're just like so fascinated by that

00:14:01.380 and curious and ask us a lot of questions when they get home and they feel bad for them

00:14:06.840 and it's it's a sad situation and so I think just as they're getting older and starting

00:14:13.320 to put those pieces together um i think it just makes them really grateful that the lord has put

00:14:20.540 them in a home with parents who are believers and are unified and um they know that we're

00:14:28.160 we're on the same team we know that we've got each other's backs that if you know i give them

00:14:33.880 an answer about something that you're going to have the same answer there's a oneness that's

00:14:39.540 It's, again, mimicking the oneness between the church and Christ.

00:14:43.920 Christ is the head, the church is the body.

00:14:47.900 You know, Ephesians talks about, you know,

00:14:50.760 how would a husband should treat his wife like it's his own body.

00:14:54.760 There's so many parallels there.

00:14:56.460 It's incredible.

00:14:57.520 You could spend your whole life studying the topic of marriage

00:15:01.980 and how our marriage actually teaches our children,

00:15:06.820 not just about the gospel, but about the local church and its relationship to Christ and how we

00:15:12.220 are to submit to the commands of Christ and how Christ leads us and shepherds us and guides us

00:15:20.180 and is our rock. And so there's so much going on behind the scenes around what marriage can do.

00:15:30.080 Now divorce, you know, divorce teaches the opposite, right? And we live in a society that

00:15:35.140 wants to just say, but yeah, but through the ashes,

00:15:38.320 God brings life.

00:15:39.900 And yes, that is true.

00:15:42.120 But you cannot just deny the reality

00:15:44.280 that a divorce will absolutely,

00:15:47.880 now God can turn a whole nightmare into something wonderful,

00:15:53.160 but do not overlook the nightmare

00:15:56.820 because there's a real expense there

00:15:59.340 and a real communication of a gospel broken when a child sees the marriage

00:16:08.240 breakup.

00:16:09.460 And if you understand that marriage is supposed to be like Christ in the

00:16:14.300 church,

00:16:15.040 you know,

00:16:17.360 it really causes doubt and concern for their own relationship with Christ.

00:16:25.360 If mom and dad can break up,

00:16:27.020 can,

00:16:27.300 can I fall away from salvation?

00:16:29.340 Can the church be broken from Christ?

00:16:33.780 And so it causes a lot of confusion

00:16:36.840 and it's a very dangerous thing for your generations.

00:16:41.160 And so marriage is a vital part of gospel communication.

00:16:47.220 It's the gospel preached, not through word,

00:16:49.500 but through symbolic relationship.

00:16:53.940 And so it's another form of the gospel.

00:16:55.800 It's imagery that's helpful for people.

00:17:00.340 That's why God created all these, it's all around us.

00:17:03.360 Every marriage you see is a little mini picture

00:17:04.800 of the gospel.

00:17:06.160 It's helpful for us to see,

00:17:07.500 especially when they're carried out well.

00:17:10.020 Yeah, I think there's a lot of like little conversations

00:17:12.180 that I'll have with the kids throughout the day,

00:17:15.120 over the years, things have come up,

00:17:16.700 but often something I'll say to them,

00:17:21.080 they're concerned about, I don't know,

00:17:23.560 plans for the day or you know lately are is now that she's getting older is concerned about safety

00:17:30.600 sometimes and things like that and um you know you'll say we'll go do something whatever the

00:17:35.880 situation may be i'll just say hey can can we trust dad and she'll say yeah and i'm like has

00:17:42.600 dad ever not protected us no his dad ever put us in danger in a situation where he thinks that we

00:17:49.640 would be in harm no like dad loves us he's gonna take care of us he's our protector he's our

00:17:54.280 provider like we can trust dad and so i'm i'm often reminding them like you can trust dad you

00:18:00.040 can trust dad and um and that does just those little couple of words you know will bring your

00:18:06.360 comfort and then often i will also say just like we can trust dad we can trust christ he's our he's

00:18:12.520 our ultimate protector he's the one that's giving dad the the courage and the strength and the

00:18:16.840 bravery to to be able to do those things so um bringing it back to that it also puts her

00:18:25.000 you know just makes her feel secure yeah that's exactly right um there's so many parallels there

00:18:32.600 but we can't spend too much time on them all of them yeah um the third part we're going to talk

00:18:36.840 about is roles now um roles are so important now roles are based off of being okay so we don't just

00:18:50.440 have uh our roles aren't just randomly given out they're given out based on how we were made

00:18:57.240 and so veronica is a woman and she is made to help and she is made to submit she is made

00:19:05.240 to follow. She is, I think, as Elizabeth Elliot has said, she's a receiver. And so she is receiving

00:19:14.340 things from the man. And that's obviously, yes, sexual. And that's obviously in relationship to

00:19:22.340 several other realities there, but our being. And then men are made as rulers, as shepherds,

00:19:32.460 as guides, as leaders, as heads.

00:19:36.120 And there are real biological realities

00:19:40.020 that make us different. 0.90

00:19:42.880 And so, yeah, can Veronica lead?

00:19:44.500 Well, in a pinch, sure, she can. 0.98

00:19:46.980 She's not designed to do that. 1.00

00:19:48.620 Can Veronica shoot a gun and kill somebody 1.00

00:19:50.520 and go to war? 1.00

00:19:52.320 She can. 0.96

00:19:53.060 She can, but she's not designed as a warrior

00:19:59.380 the way that a man is.

00:20:00.700 can I nurture our children and get the baby to go to sleep? 0.98

00:20:05.360 I can, I don't do it a lot.

00:20:07.180 I did it like last week, got the baby to sleep and it was,

00:20:10.340 he's not usually a fan of you.

00:20:12.280 Yeah. And, and so we, we can in a pinch, but, but again,

00:20:17.280 I'm not designed in the same way that she is for that.

00:20:21.460 And so the Bible's model for headship and submission,

00:20:26.440 the first thing I want to clarify is that the model is not a result of the fall

00:20:30.120 of Adam and Eve, this model was actually

00:20:34.640 God's intention before the fall.

00:20:38.500 And it's not like some plan B that now, 0.99

00:20:42.960 now the wife has to submit to the husband 0.89

00:20:44.460 and the husband dominates. 0.88

00:20:45.600 And even before the fall.

00:20:47.340 Yeah. 0.60

00:20:48.240 Christ created Eve as a help meat to Adam.

00:20:51.760 Yeah, and there's, I talk about in my book,

00:20:53.920 A Cover for Glory, I talk about this extensively around,

00:21:00.120 Adam and Eve and the creation and the purposes of men and women. And so if you want to listen to

00:21:03.920 that, you can. But the design for marriage of submission and headship was how God designed

00:21:14.900 marriage even before sin entered into the world. It is a good thing. And so we want to make sure

00:21:23.020 that we walk out our roles so that we don't pervert or distort our descendants, our generations

00:21:31.740 view of marriage or the gospel, which will pervert their marriage and their family. I mean,

00:21:40.200 truly having a pure biblical expression of a marriage is so impactful to your great

00:21:52.740 grandchildren it's hard to see right now but it's a very important perspective to have now i want to

00:21:59.100 talk babe in our notes earlier you said um being willing to be led um and i know you've so talk

00:22:08.520 about that and now you've talked about also like manipulation like false submission like

00:22:13.160 the idea of like leading from behind in a way where you're kind of manipulating your way to

00:22:20.060 leading I think women I don't say that women underestimate I think they know what they're

00:22:25.620 doing but a lot of time I don't know our emotions are very powerful we have these crazy emotions

00:22:32.860 and hormones and things that ebb and flow throughout the month because of our cycles

00:22:36.580 and our ovulation whatever in our and things change but I think being aware of that one

00:22:45.100 is important because there are going to be days you're like I feel like freaking out

00:22:50.780 and then like oh I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow or something or I'm ovulating

00:22:56.660 whatever it is our emotions are really powerful and on days where you're not walking in self-control

00:23:07.460 and your husband says hey we're gonna go do this thing whatever it is i don't know um

00:23:16.100 and it's not something that you want you can either you can turn it into this big emotional

00:23:23.700 thing crying you can turn it into like i said a manipulation thing where you're just

00:23:30.900 you're you're operating out of your feelings really instead of saying okay not that you can't

00:23:38.180 express your opinion you can express your opinion you're a help me like you have wisdom the lord has

00:23:43.700 given you um i express my opinion on things that dale wants to do or or you know go somewhere

00:23:50.820 whatever it is but ultimately dale has the final say and if he has the final say and we're going

00:23:58.340 to do something that i didn't initially want to do don't make your husband pay for it by grumbling

00:24:06.980 or complaining or withholding sex or um giving him the silent treatment or being on non-hospitable

00:24:15.140 to him um because that that's not submission that's not submission that's yeah yeah that's

00:24:22.740 You're just walking and sin.

00:24:23.580 That's obedience, but it's not submission.

00:24:25.560 It's like, I'll go, but I'll hate it.

00:24:28.020 You know, like we say with the kids, right?

00:24:30.100 I've said this before, like, it's not submission

00:24:33.100 when you tell your kids to go get in the car,

00:24:36.600 we're going to Disneyland.

00:24:37.600 It's like, well, they wanted to do that.

00:24:40.640 Like, oh, good job.

00:24:41.780 You did what you wanted to do.

00:24:43.920 But if we say, go get in the car,

00:24:47.540 we're gonna go to the neighbor's house

00:24:49.140 and pick weeds out of their yard.

00:24:50.780 Um, and if they submit to that, that's that if they go, oh, okay, dad, you know, it's

00:24:58.220 not, it's not what I wanted to do right now, but let's go do that.

00:25:02.340 That's the mission, right?

00:25:03.540 That, and they do it with a joyful heart.

00:25:06.020 Um, that communicates by the way in a marriage radically.

00:25:10.220 I see this a lot when it comes to church where a man will be wanting to lead his wife and

00:25:18.320 will bring her to a church that he sees fit either doctrinally theologically or just sees fit for

00:25:26.880 their family and the wife may not like it and she doesn't want to go there and she'll put on a smile

00:25:35.120 while she's there but you know the whole drive home she's probably nagging and bickering him

00:25:41.200 in his ear and or she didn't want to connect with anybody there or yeah things like that whatever and

00:25:47.280 And I just feel like our whole life is in ministry.

00:25:50.840 So I see a lot of my examples are going to relate back to that.

00:25:54.320 Or, you know, just that's just our life.

00:25:57.320 But and so it was really that ultimately her that made the decision because he submitted

00:26:06.060 to her, even though if he saw it fit and to come to whatever church that he decided to

00:26:11.800 go to but if she's nagging him enough or pestering him enough or turning into an emotional manipulation

00:26:19.900 pulling the kids in on it the kids didn't really like this um you're actually the one leading yeah

00:26:26.800 yeah and the husband's following when he gives in and says you know okay well we won't become

00:26:34.980 members there uh or we won't continue to go the wife there is wisdom that a wife has an insight

00:26:41.700 that she can share yeah yeah like by all means i'm not saying don't do that um those are important

00:26:47.300 things because it's your husband's leading you in a spiritual direction for that's going to impact

00:26:52.340 you and your whole family um yeah if it's you know just because you didn't like fleshly things then

00:27:00.420 yeah and and once a man takes that that opinion and that wisdom and counsel from his wife um

00:27:06.660 he gets to make that final decision and that decision should be followed by the wife with joy

00:27:13.260 to you cannot tell your kids to obey with joy if you can't do it yourself and don't worry I'm going

00:27:20.740 to hit the men here in a second but but that is certainly a part of that sometimes a man just

00:27:26.000 needs to say well thank you for your insight I have a conviction about this I believe this is

00:27:33.360 right thing to do we're going and i'd love for you to do that with joy and you say yes my lord

00:27:39.920 yes my lord my lady um and so the other side is being willing to lead we meet families all the time

00:27:52.880 um throughout the years so many problem today men are passive has just destroyed men yeah

00:28:00.960 feminism is a cancer it's dangerous i saw someone recently i think it was ben zeissloff he said

00:28:07.520 you cannot be a christian and a feminist and i thought yeah you know we're at that point that's 0.99

00:28:11.680 very true um because feminism has turned into such an ugly anti-biblical anti-god 0.99

00:28:20.960 expression of femininity um it's not even feminine i should say it's it's a perversion 0.62

00:28:26.320 of femininity it's a hatred of femininity actually um so men need to be willing to lead

00:28:33.520 our default flesh is to be passive um we we actually need to lead in and tangibly practically

00:28:42.460 um and if it requires you to to put it on your task list to pray for your family or to read

00:28:54.440 a scripture so that you can be a reservoir

00:28:58.500 for spiritual leadership in your family.

00:29:01.620 It's just part of your duty as a man.

00:29:03.940 Like you can't not do that.

00:29:05.640 I actually, I put a quote here.

00:29:07.420 Doug says, but a man who has not been the head of his home

00:29:10.700 must confess his abdication as sin.

00:29:14.020 He must treat it the same way he would treat theft

00:29:17.180 or adultery, it's disobedience.

00:29:19.160 It needs to be repented of.

00:29:21.320 And I think that's true.

00:29:22.440 I just go, if you're not leading,

00:29:25.240 and not leading well, like you need to go out before the Lord,

00:29:28.780 get on your knees and recognize the heinousness of that,

00:29:34.520 that you are, you know, cause this is, by the way,

00:29:38.180 we see this all the time too.

00:29:39.740 And then a man won't lead. 0.97

00:29:42.820 And so their wife will. 1.00

00:29:45.020 So their wife will. 0.98

00:29:45.860 Now I will tell you ladies, here's the trick. 1.00

00:29:49.860 Don't. 0.90

00:29:50.700 Don't do it.

00:29:52.120 Yeah, don't do it because,

00:29:54.440 what you do is that it actually just makes him more comfortable and it's sinful for you in my

00:30:00.120 opinion to lead yeah why should i do it she's gonna do it anyway yeah and so if i know it's

00:30:06.840 hard when you're thinking well my husband doesn't read scripture to my kids now i'm i know that

00:30:11.640 sometimes you have a if you have a situation that's unique where you have a husband that's

00:30:15.080 not a believer and a wife that is that's going to be a different exception to this reality that 0.95

00:30:19.560 that I'm about to say, but, but if you have a Christian husband, who's just lazy and sinful 0.83

00:30:25.360 and he's not leading the family in prayer, so you do, or he's not leading the family in devotion. 0.82

00:30:31.180 So you are, he's not overlooking the curriculum for homeschool. So you are, he's not thinking

00:30:38.140 about parenting philosophy for the home. So you are, my thought is just stop. Don't have

00:30:44.560 those things for, for a time and let him know, I'm not going to do those things.

00:30:52.100 I'm just not going to like this. You need to do these things. I need you to do these things. And

00:30:55.980 I would come with a loving tone of, I want you to make the decision about our parenting style.

00:31:00.660 I want you to make the decision about which, um, you know, devotion we're going to do as a family.

00:31:07.600 I want you to pray. I'm not going to do it. It's, it's your job to do it. And that would be

00:31:14.180 the obedience for a wife.

00:31:16.740 And again, there's gonna be wisdom and discernment

00:31:18.700 and all of that on how that's done.

00:31:20.700 But if I was counseling a couple,

00:31:23.800 I would just tell them that to stop, you know?

00:31:27.220 And once you give the example just real quick

00:31:31.440 from the Johnsons, more practical.

00:31:36.440 Oh yeah, just an old friend of ours.

00:31:39.980 It's been so long since I've heard her share the story,

00:31:41.980 but so I'm probably going to botch it to an extent,

00:31:44.380 but I just remember her saying,

00:31:48.540 being concerned about their financial situation.

00:31:50.980 They had a lot of children and she was concerned about it.

00:31:55.120 And she was talking to her mother-in-law about it.

00:31:58.520 I think it was, and her mother-in-law is a very godly woman.

00:32:02.040 So she wasn't like taking sides or anything. 0.97

00:32:03.800 She very much viewed her son and his wife as one.

00:32:09.740 And she would think she was talking to her about it.

00:32:11.980 she's like what are you what are you so stressed out about she's like I don't know like we just

00:32:15.620 like what if we don't have enough money to pay our bills like he needs to go get a job or make

00:32:19.180 better money so what's the worst thing that can happen the lights go the lights get turned out

00:32:24.040 let the lights go out don't say anything the lights going out will teach him a lesson yeah

00:32:29.440 this is like her talking about her own son like the lights going out will teach you a lesson and

00:32:34.740 I bet you one day when you guys are you know in at night and they're needing the light on it just

00:32:41.260 shuts off. He's not going to let that happen again. Yeah. Yeah.

00:32:44.620 That's a great way to learn that lesson is so just use wisdom on that. 1.00

00:32:49.780 But, but that's a thing we need the men and women to walk in their roles,

00:32:53.500 to have a glorious marriage.

00:32:55.660 And so one thing I will say to close out this section is men should never feel

00:32:59.540 guilty for leading and women should never feel oppressed for submitting because

00:33:04.940 that is actually what God has designed us for.

00:33:07.580 Yes. I think women can feel oppressed if their husbands are not leading well, like if they're

00:33:12.960 just being a bulldozer and just making demands and things like that, that's not leading well.

00:33:19.920 And that's actually the rarity. I feel like it's more of the passive thing.

00:33:23.340 Yeah. For the most part, I would say, I'd agree with that.

00:33:26.080 I mean, there are some of those guys that are, that are bulldozing.

00:33:29.720 I'm just saying that because I don't know if a man is listening to this and is getting

00:33:33.520 convicted sure and was wanting to lead his family that's not the way to go about it and also guys

00:33:38.560 if you're in this situation and there's like all types of bitterness because you guys have not

00:33:42.100 operated out of your roles um you just need to repent and get straight and then walk forward

00:33:48.080 in your roles that that's that's really the way to to deal with that so that you bitterness makes

00:33:55.200 everything tangled and so just getting rid of the bitterness having a short record of wrongs

00:34:02.440 and dealing with them and moving forward.

00:34:06.360 So ultimately, we just want to see

00:34:09.380 how marriage produces households and shapes generations.

00:34:13.480 Your misuse or misunderstanding of marriage

00:34:15.940 actually affects the marriages and households

00:34:18.320 of your great-grandchildren.

00:34:20.920 And so thank you for listening to this part one

00:34:25.440 of this two-part series.

00:34:27.720 We hope that this content will help you

00:34:29.820 build a glorious Christian home

00:34:31.820 In part two, we are going to be talking about how to have a glorious sex life, what that

00:34:39.280 looks like inside of a Christian home.

00:34:41.840 Again, you are able to listen to that second part of the episode at relearn.org forward

00:34:48.260 slash app, and you'll see the welcome home tab inside there.

00:34:53.280 If you're a regular listener to welcome home, we would love it if you left us a review.

00:34:58.260 You don't even need to write something.

00:34:59.660 you can just tap the stars. And those reviews actually really do help the exposure of this show

00:35:05.720 to new Christian families that need guidance on biblical instruction for the home. So thank you

00:35:14.960 for joining us on this episode of Welcome Home. My name is Dale Partridge. My wife just went to

00:35:20.200 go get the baby. So she will see you guys and I will see you guys next week.

Dale Partridge - February 06, 2024

Marriage in the Home

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript