00:00:00.140Welcome to Real Christianity. Today we are answering two questions. We're not going to be doing just a regular one-topic show.
00:00:09.200We're going to be doing two questions. What are we talking about today?
00:00:11.680Today we're talking about how parents can help choose good friends for their children and Resurrection Sunday.
00:00:17.900Yeah, so if you're listening to this on Wednesday, which is like real time, this coming Sunday is Easter Sunday.
00:00:23.300And so I thought that it would be important to talk about resurrection.
00:00:26.120and then also a mother asked Veronica a question about how to choose good friends for your kids
00:00:31.860and I think Veronica's got some good wisdom on that that we've learned over the years from
00:00:36.400our parenting mentors that have taught us a lot a few things before we jump in one is you can
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00:01:04.200I'm going to let Veronica start today and just dive into this question. I'll start with a question
00:01:09.560and then you can answer it. Okay. So pretend that I'm talking in a 32-year-old woman's voice.
00:01:16.480How can a mother wisely put together good friends for her children?0.98
00:01:21.920all right so um i'm just going to start with younger children because that's the season that
00:01:28.580we're in and that's what i'm most comfortable with and what i'm currently exercising yeah um
00:01:34.320and generally a child's first friends other than their siblings are the children of your own
00:01:40.720friends um the parents children uh that you're going to be having you know children in general
00:01:46.400are a reflection of their own parents so they're going to mirror their parents language their
00:01:51.400behavior and their character so i would say that when you're choosing and examining your child's
00:01:57.960friends there's a few questions that you should be asking yourself um what is your family's core
00:02:03.840values and goals for your child um will who they will who they will be hanging out with
00:02:12.000help move your child towards those goals and values or will they actually hinder or even
00:02:17.560detour your child um yeah another question is who are you surrounding yourself with because again
00:02:24.080if you're surrounding yourself with these friends their children are likely going to be around as
00:02:28.380well around your children um and how are they raising their children i know that um those are
00:02:36.400a lot of questions that some of our mentors have taught us to ask ourselves and i know that in our
00:02:41.040close community of friends um us moms have even come together to have an intentional training time
00:02:47.160And if we know that one of our kids is currently struggling or working through an issue, sharing, yeah, yelling or, you know, being friendly or whatever.
00:02:56.380Right. If our kids are currently working through an issue and it's something that we've talked about us moms together, we'll set a time to get together for an intentional training purpose to train our kids in those areas.
00:03:07.920Our kids don't necessarily know that they're there for training.
00:03:11.520They think that they're just there to play and have a good time.
00:03:13.560But since the moms have communicated this ahead of time, they are aware and more observant of the situation and how, you know, your goal is to go about it.
00:03:24.220Well, and I want to mention one thing is like this difference between training and disciplining.
00:03:29.320Like training is proactive work and disciplining is reactive work.
00:03:34.320And and yeah, what you're talking about here is this a proactive thing, like getting together and going, hey, Aria is really struggling with, you know, with, you know, let's just the easy example of sharing.
00:03:45.700She's not really struggling with sharing, but let's just use that as an example.
00:03:48.860Can we go over there and put some toys in the room?
00:03:50.700Let's have a conversation and see if they can pass things back and forth and deal with that in whatever manner you want, whatever result you're looking for.
00:03:57.580Right. Is that kind of what you're what you're talking about?
00:03:59.640Totally. So having other families around you who are like minded and have similar goals and values is key to help spurring one another on in the parenting journey.
00:04:10.280um friends like that are and family um are so valuable as as a trusted voice speaking into
00:04:18.520your child's life um that also happens to align with what you as the parent are teaching them at
00:04:24.920home so those are some questions i would ask yourself especially with younger kids um yeah
00:04:32.000i think about i think we heard that study from i don't know who told us but that kids who are
00:04:38.160raised in community with like-minded adults end up having less rebellious hearts and rebellious
00:04:46.320activity as they get older because it wasn't just their parents affirming their values but it was
00:04:52.120coming from different sources of respected people in their lives as well yeah like same affirmation
00:04:57.980from multiple angles yeah yeah so moving on to kids are are a little bit older i would say many
00:05:04.540of these principles still apply. You just get to teach your child to ask themselves these questions
00:05:10.160and teach them how to go to scripture on their own to examine their specific situation with a friend.
00:05:16.580Some good friends of ours, Angie and Isaac Tolpin, many of you guys have heard us talk about them
00:05:20.160before. They actually did a whole podcast on this as well over at Courageous Parenting. And when I
00:05:27.160listened to that podcast, there were a couple of things. There's one area that really stood out to
00:05:34.220me and it was when Isaac was sharing that they in their house they talk about their you know
00:05:38.700there's three types of friends there's friends there's friendlies and there's frenemies and
00:05:44.440because we you know in today's culture with social media especially like we just call everybody our
00:05:49.280friend like oh my friend so-and-so in California what you you actually never even met them it's
00:05:53.220just a person you communicate with online but even in person acquaintances everyone just calls
00:05:58.280are from their friend um but friends are genuine friends who you mesh well with um you have each
00:06:05.160other's best interests at heart um a friend you are accountable to and vice versa friendlies are
00:06:11.740more acquaintances um somebody that can turn into a friend um but you know they're more of
00:06:18.360acquaintances and then frenemies are people you are friendly with but walk contrary to how you live
00:06:26.380yeah and i think about this like yeah your friends are the people you can like have
00:06:30.900fellowship with like real deep unified fellowship with um on core values and yeah we all have that
00:06:41.320group of people um the bible calls for us to to have i mean the one another's there's a hundred
00:06:46.040one another's in scripture and that's that this you're so close that you can do these things
00:06:50.500to one another and then that yeah that second category of like yeah i know that person it
00:06:56.140seems like a nice guy i think we have the same values but we just don't have enough time to
00:06:59.160become friends yet and then yeah that last group is that these are people that you love as a
00:07:03.800christian but at the end of the day they actually might not be saved they might walk contrary to the
00:07:10.220scriptures um you don't hate them but but you could be praying for them yes absolutely yeah
00:07:15.440um and then another area that i thought of when i was um when i heard this question
00:07:21.860was also take into account your child your own child's personality and to be honest with yourself
00:07:27.760are they more of a leader or are they more of a follower um if your child is more of a follower
00:07:33.760who they hang out with is going to make a huge impact on them yeah um and we even see that in
00:07:39.380our own children um we have one that's definitely a leader one that's more seems to be a little bit
00:07:44.200more of a follower um and so i i'm glad that we saw this early on and you know those may change
00:07:51.480but as of now that's what it looks like um but if you want to hear more on that um i recommend
00:07:56.380going to check out andrew and isaac's uh tulpan's podcast over at courageous parenting podcast and
00:08:01.860i believe the episode i'm referencing is called um don't run the parenting race alone um and they
00:08:07.980get way more in depth on that this topic idea of just if you have a follower child or a it's okay
00:08:13.760if you're not not everybody's leaders this society just wants to make everybody like what they're not
00:08:18.140um and at the end of the day yeah we have we have a child who um he's he seems to be more of a
00:08:24.920follower doesn't mean that he can't lead his family when he's older doesn't mean that he can't
00:08:27.960um be a leader and at work when he gets older but his just personality is like he's more of a
00:08:32.980just a little bit more timid than yeah and he wants to come in and support as a support role
00:08:37.820and not necessarily um a go-getter the way that our daughter has been and so when we pair him up
00:08:43.680with people he's going to really take on the activities that the other kids are doing where
00:08:49.580our daughter aria if we put her out there all the other kids are going to take part in the
00:08:55.260activities that she's doing you know like you're thinking about the same story that i am probably
00:09:00.520is that you walk into a room there's you know five little girls and aria walks in even if the girls
00:09:06.280are like much older than her um we come back a half hour later and they're all playing house
00:09:12.980and aria is the mom and they're all sitting down as the children like that's just how aria is she
00:09:17.920just puts that she and so we need to be concerned even for other people's kids how our daughter
00:09:23.760might lead them in that capacity so i think that's a good good point anything else nope okay
00:09:30.860veronica's stoked because done she's done her talking portion is done um so we're going to
00:09:38.240talk about uh i'm going to talk about the second question is about the resurrection why is it so
00:09:46.020important in lieu of you know easter um for those of you that are offended that i called it easter
00:09:51.940i'll call it resurrection sunday um i'm just kidding but i know some people are really
00:09:56.580extensive like don't use that word um we don't need to get into the the details about easter
00:10:01.360that's another podcast i've probably written an article or had an argument about it as well
00:10:05.200over the years. But I will tell you that the resurrection is critical, and I'm going to tell
00:10:12.260you why, and I'm going to give you a theological argument for it. And the church is heavily focused
00:10:16.740on a crucified Christ. I think we have this image of the cross. The Catholic church has kind of
00:10:21.340really exploded that visual emblem throughout history. But theologically speaking, we're not
00:10:29.420actually saved from a crucified Christ. We're saved from a resurrected Christ. Now, we need
00:10:34.260them we need them both we need it all um but the reality is is that like the crucifixion without
00:10:39.880the resurrection uh isn't it's just it's a dead person on a cross um but the resurrection is
00:10:46.820critical the resurrection is actually key and i want to tell you why it's so important and why
00:10:52.480the church has really celebrated and understood and recognized this uh as kind of the linchpin
00:10:58.700the gospel. If the resurrection doesn't occur, then the whole gospel falls apart. And I'll
00:11:05.640explain that to you over this next couple minutes. There's three reasons why the resurrection is so
00:11:11.900critical. And I just want to list them out just to be clear. First, the resurrection is God's
00:11:16.800validation of Jesus's atonement. I know I'm using big words here, but Jesus didn't raise himself.
00:11:27.100And he did that as a validation of his, ultimately, his wrath was satisfied.
00:11:34.460Raising Jesus from the dead is his validation.
00:11:38.240The wrath of God has been satisfied with the atonement of the Lamb, of the blood of Christ.
00:11:43.100It was sufficient for covering our sins.
00:11:47.800It was sufficient to offer forgiveness and restore humanity.
00:11:51.140So this is like the deeper theological background of it.
00:11:53.960Um, Romans 5, 9 through 10 says, uh, much more than having now been justified by his blood, we have been saved from the wrath through him.
00:12:05.300Verse 10, for if we, uh, for if when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his son, much more having been reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
00:12:17.580Uh, his death and resurrection are so critical because it appeased the wrath of God.
00:12:22.440There's a word in the Bible. It's propitiation. And it's an important Christian word. And the word is defined as it's the appeasing of the wrath of God through blood sacrifice. And so Jesus is the propitiation of our sins. He's he's literally appeased the wrath of God through his blood. He's made he's paid the price that we couldn't pay on our own.
00:12:48.500And 2 Corinthians, I don't know exactly which chapter, I think it's maybe chapter 5 off the top of my head.
00:12:57.400Paul mentions that we have a ministry of reconciliation as Christians.
00:15:51.700The difference between falling asleep and dying or perishing is these are Christians that have died,
00:15:57.720not Christians, not people who are lost and perished.
00:16:00.240um last verse it says and after that he was seen by james then by all the apostles uh then last of
00:16:07.880all he was seen by me also being paul as born as one born out of due time meaning that paul was not
00:16:14.960born at the same time as the other apostles were again that's first corinthians 15 3 through 8
00:16:20.820now this is paul's like logical defense for the death and resurrection of christ it's he's
00:16:27.520defending this to the Corinthians and anybody that's challenging that. There's a concern about
00:16:31.880resurrection. This is actually a really important topic to understand because it explains a really
00:16:37.960important gap in Christian history that you got to figure out what's going on here. The gap between
00:16:45.000what should have been the movement ending death of Jesus and the explosion of Christianity.
00:16:52.300so you have like the movement ending death of jesus like he's the leader of the movement and he dies
00:16:59.640what other situation in real life do you ever see the leader of the movement it's not that old i'm
00:17:08.200talking it's a couple years old right and there's no internet and the leader of the movement dies
00:17:13.460which should be like the movement ending death of this movement but instead you don't see the
00:17:19.780death of a movement you see an explosion of the movement um how do you explain that like how do
00:17:25.700you get there and that's where you got to go in um and this is just good apologetic material
00:17:31.180the only reason that you could go from death you know of the leader to like a historical eruption
00:17:37.700of christianity um it literally takes over the roman empire like think about that it becomes
00:17:44.340eventually the sanctioned religion of rome and rome is actually the one that was taking part in
00:17:50.920killing in jesus with this with the pharisees so like what an amazing thing to go from we're going0.97
00:17:56.100to kill you and now adopt christianity as the entire nation's sanctioned religion right a crazy0.99
00:18:03.760thing um the only way something like that could happen have to be something as incredible as like0.98
00:18:08.600a resurrection, something, a miracle like that. And that's just one of the gaps. There's a couple
00:18:14.500other gaps I'll mention quickly. How do you go from a leader dying and then 11 of his 12 followers
00:18:23.020that he actually knew going and dying for his sake? So he dies and then we're going to go die
00:18:31.660for him. Well, unless he resurrected, I just find it hard to believe for someone to go like die.0.98
00:18:36.900And they didn't just die in a group where like peer pressure or like causal loyalties could really kind of change that environment.
00:18:46.720These people go, historically speaking, and go die independently and alone without the peer pressure, like in the most terrible ways to die.
00:18:57.960And so there's just like, you got to look at that and go, why would anybody do that?0.99
00:23:12.680The seventh thing, Paul says, if the resurrection didn't happen, we Christians have terrible lives.
00:23:20.880We're sitting here sacrificing all these things and dedicating our lives to a theology that's ultimately not real if the resurrection is not true.
00:23:36.960and um so what i want you guys to walk away with today in the short teaching of the resurrection
00:23:44.140is that it's the linchpin to the gospel like it's connected man you take the resurrection off
00:23:49.880and it's all falling apart these seven things they all rise and fall together you know you
00:23:56.960take that it's like a domino effect resurrection boom then all those things happen is what paul
00:24:01.600was saying um and if you're around christian debate or if you kind of look at like the tip
00:24:07.520of the iceberg i should say the bottom of the iceberg where people are really fighting and
00:24:13.140defending the faith uh you'll actually realize that the enemy knows this he knows how critical
00:24:18.400the resurrection is and the first place the attack is is often um had um in an argument