Dale Partridge - Real Christianity #46： Is Sex Before Marriage Sinful or Acceptable？

00:00:00.440 Welcome to Real Christianity. Today we are talking about... 0.85

00:00:04.940 Is sex before marriage sinful or acceptable?

00:00:07.900 Huge topic. Excited to have the discussion today.

00:00:10.960 Before we jump into that discussion, a couple things.

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00:01:50.460 on that note let's open up and have the discussion about premarital sex yeah so the title of our show

00:01:59.400 is sexy for marriage sinful or acceptable and we get this question quite often either emailed or

00:02:06.940 direct message to us from couples who are Christian or dating or Christian and dating

00:02:13.000 or from someone who has a friend with somebody that's Christian and dating and happens to be

00:02:17.620 sleeping with their significant other yeah um and i think a lot of christians know that it is

00:02:22.200 sinful but have no idea how to defend the uh sexual purity or explain it when someone asks

00:02:30.120 them about it um and it's our hope today as we share that we can help you understand the bible's

00:02:36.980 perspective and position on premarital sex so that you can help others align themselves with

00:02:42.940 God's design for sexuality yeah and I think this is just a really practical show because I think

00:02:50.320 it's a pretty common topic even in the church sadly there's lots of people in the young adults

00:02:55.420 groups that are sleeping around and it's pretty serious business so first thing I want to remind

00:03:01.660 everyone is one if you're listening to the show and you are sleeping with your significant other

00:03:06.580 if you know somebody who's sleeping with their significant other and they're not married

00:03:13.260 This is kind of how I open up this conversation is, is to remind us that we are the beneficiaries of God's obedience, not God.

00:03:23.880 We kind of confuse this often that somehow if we follow God's laws there, it's like he's the beneficiary.

00:03:30.040 It's like we're doing him a favor.

00:03:31.380 Yeah, that's not that we're doing us a favor.

00:03:34.840 That's really the truth.

00:03:36.480 It's us who reap the reward of obedience, not God.

00:03:41.060 And that's just kind of a preface for this conversation.

00:03:44.160 And every time that we move out from under God's will or God's ways, life gets more confusing, more difficult, more painful.

00:03:52.840 We see this all the time. People that are walking outside of God's ways, they just live a harder life.

00:03:59.820 And if we think that it's difficult to be obedient to scripture, like it's really difficult to control myself when I'm alone with my boyfriend or girlfriend.

00:04:07.400 you think that's difficult well I promise you that it's more difficult to indulge yourself

00:04:16.680 with sexual relations and then break up it's it's it's far more difficult you know what's

00:04:23.160 more difficult is indulge yourself in sexual relations and have to answer for that behavior

00:04:27.560 in front of the Lord that's far more difficult and so this is a really important thing is that

00:04:34.720 We think that it's difficult to obey, but I promise you that it's more difficult to not obey on these teachings.

00:04:42.720 And time and time again, history tells us that that is true.

00:04:47.920 And I want to mention, just again as another preface, is that God is smarter than you and I.

00:04:55.260 When we say that we're going to stand outside of God's boundaries for sexual design,

00:05:03.680 We're really saying to God, I know more about me and this life and sex than you do, God.

00:05:10.640 That's really what we're saying when we say, you know, I'm just going to do it my way.

00:05:14.820 And I'm not going to do it your way.

00:05:18.520 Ultimately, God is the inventor of sex.

00:05:22.820 And because he invented it, he knows how to do it best in terms of how it should be done.

00:05:27.920 He's given the boundaries about how sex should be executed.

00:05:32.680 And, again, probably a third preface, so I'm kind of just doing a few prefaces before the conversation here. 0.91

00:05:38.780 Sex is a form of worship.

00:05:40.700 I know you guys are thinking, well, worship, wait, I just think about my hands raised at church. 0.97

00:05:45.060 Different function of worship here, but sex is a form of worship. 0.75

00:05:47.700 Whatever we pursue is a form of worship.

00:05:50.500 We don't pursue things that we don't worship.

00:05:52.620 If we're pursuing comfort or success or money, we're worshiping those things.

00:06:00.120 And if I'm worshiping myself, I will use others and abuse others to gain pleasure.

00:06:06.380 If I'm worshiping sex, I will deny God's boundaries and go wherever sexual pleasure leads me to.

00:06:14.840 If I am worshiping God, I am going to seek out God's boundaries and his design,

00:06:21.960 and I'm going to love people the way that God tells me to love them.

00:06:25.240 And so we have to realize that sex, when we, I guess, partake in premarital sex, it's because we're worshiping sex or we're worshiping pleasure and not worshiping God.

00:06:38.920 God's boundaries are good and they protect us.

00:06:42.960 And that's really the core message of this is that they're good and they protect us.

00:06:47.780 And we don't put fences around weeds.

00:06:51.300 We put fences around gardens.

00:06:53.100 we don't put trash inside of a safety deposit box we put jewels and gold and precious items

00:07:03.240 in there to protect them and so the thing is these boundaries are here to protect what is

00:07:10.780 sacred and important to god and should be to us and so just recognize it's not god going

00:07:18.360 oh we're putting up these laws and these boundaries to ruin your life no it's because

00:07:22.120 there's a protection of beauty there. Now, I often hear this question, God made me this way

00:07:28.620 to love sex. Why would he make me this way and then tell me not to behave

00:07:35.100 according to the way that he made me? And I'll let Veronica tackle this.

00:07:41.980 Yeah, so yeah, I hear that question pretty frequently as well. And first, just because

00:07:47.960 we feel a certain way doesn't mean that our feelings are valid which might be a hard thing

00:07:52.800 to hear it is a hard thing to hear sometimes hard for me to hear too I want to know that my feelings

00:07:58.020 are valid but sometimes they're not and second I think Galatians 5 verses 17 through 25 reinforces

00:08:05.160 the idea that our emotions are not to be trusted as the determiner of truth so let's go ahead and

00:08:12.540 read that passage and then you'll understand why I'm saying that. Again, Galatians 5 verse 17 through

00:08:18.260 25. For the desires of the flesh are against the spirit and the desires of the spirit are against

00:08:24.140 the flesh. For these are opposed to each other to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

00:08:29.980 But if you are led by the spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are

00:08:35.260 evident sexual immorality impurity sensuality idolatry sorcery enmity strife jealousy fits of

00:08:43.460 anger rivalries dissensions divisions envy drunkenness orgies and things like these i warn

00:08:52.720 you as i warned you before that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of god

00:08:58.100 okay did you guys hear that last part yeah that's a crazy i warn you as i warned you before that

00:09:04.260 Those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

00:09:07.820 And he talked about the first three things he mentions that are part of the flesh is the work.

00:09:15.640 Sexual morality.

00:09:16.340 Sexual morality.

00:09:17.340 Impurity.

00:09:18.420 And sensuality.

00:09:19.080 And sensuality.

00:09:19.980 Right. 0.95

00:09:20.280 So this is lusting in the heart, like, you know, having sexual fantasies. 0.69

00:09:25.980 Well, it's interesting.

00:09:26.640 The next one, even after that, number four, is idolatry,

00:09:28.820 which people that are stuck in this sexual bondage or sin or constantly craving it or partaking in it

00:09:35.300 are making an idol out of it often not all of them but no that's a that's a great point and

00:09:40.600 you know what i think i want to point out for veronica what she's saying here is that

00:09:44.460 for the desires of the flesh are against the spirit means that

00:09:48.080 he literally says paul says and the desires of the spirit against the flesh these two are opposed

00:09:53.840 to each other to keep you from doing the things that you want to do you want to have sex that's

00:09:58.680 a desire of the flesh um not a desire of your spirit not a desire of your spirit if again if

00:10:03.300 you're not married um and our emotions are a part of our flesh we sometimes want to like make our

00:10:09.640 emotions the spirit and the way that we check if we don't know if it's our emotions or if it's the

00:10:15.700 spirit you check with the word of god and that'll determine the difference yeah so god takes

00:10:22.820 sexuality very very seriously um his word says that those who practice sexuality outside of his

00:10:30.180 design will not inherit the kingdom of god as i repeated um in that scripture um now that doesn't

00:10:36.040 mean that god hates sex god actually loves sex he designed it and he created uh you and i to have

00:10:42.260 those desires um so the desire for sex is not bad in itself um i like to think of it as a fire 0.64

00:10:50.580 outside of a fireplace fire itself is not bad but a fire outside of a fireplace is bad and dangerous

00:10:57.520 yeah it's exactly we got to confuse i think so many people get married and they go i've been

00:11:01.500 told not to have sex not to have sex not to have sex not to have sex and then you get married and 0.93

00:11:04.920 go okay now i can have sex and so we got to make sure that sex is good it's it's god's design it's 0.99

00:11:10.800 a good thing um there's just because it's good it's sacred it's connected to god there's a way 0.94

00:11:16.820 to do that. And so the point we're trying to get across here is that God's blessings are only found

00:11:22.580 within God's boundaries. You want God's blessing in your life? Then live within his boundaries for

00:11:27.640 your life. And sexual holiness is God's will. That's, if you want, thy will be done. Well,

00:11:35.260 his will is sexual purity. He wants us to be separate and set apart from the culture in this 0.67

00:11:39.940 way, who is looking at pornography, who is sleeping around before they are married. This is why so

00:11:45.900 many people aren't getting married until their late 20s or 30s motivation to because they can

00:11:51.380 have everything they want without a commitment and it says that scary scary verse this letter

00:11:57.980 is written to christians by the way it's not a general letter so remember that paul's writing

00:12:02.560 that letter in galatians to christians and he tells christians i warned you as i warned you before

00:12:07.920 that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of god now do the other translation

00:12:13.840 of that as practice means that you're doing it like in a habitual manner. Like you're getting

00:12:20.520 better at it. You're getting better at hiding it. You're getting better at like coaching yourself

00:12:25.720 why it's okay. You're justifying it. You're getting better at it. You're an unrepentant

00:12:31.780 habitual sinner. That should put you in a very scary position when you hear that scripture.

00:12:37.380 um so how can i say for sure that god's desire for you or his will is that you would abstain

00:12:46.880 from sexual immorality i'm going to read you first thessalonians 4 3 through 8 which is a

00:12:53.160 important verse for the church for this is the will of god your sanctification that you abstain

00:13:01.440 from sexual immorality that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor

00:13:07.320 Not in the passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, in this matter of sexuality, because the Lord is an avenger in all things, all these things.

00:13:22.740 As we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you, for God has not called us to impurity, but in holiness.

00:13:31.000 Therefore, whoever disregards this disregards not man, but God who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

00:13:38.720 These are just like the clearest scriptures on why you don't have sex before you're married.

00:13:45.940 So why is premarital sex sinful?

00:13:47.780 because the only sexual activity that the Bible does not condemn 0.93

00:13:52.860 and actually permits is the sexual activity between a man and a woman

00:13:59.280 inside the confines of a marriage.

00:14:02.440 That is the only type of sex that is supported in Scripture

00:14:06.980 and not condemned in Scripture.

00:14:11.420 And so for what purpose?

00:14:12.640 Like, why did God make sex?

00:14:14.600 It's another important question.

00:14:15.940 Why did God design it this way?

00:14:17.780 There's three basic, there's probably many more purposes, but I'm going to give you just the three basic purposes of why God designed sex the way that he designed it.

00:14:28.840 So the first is, sex has three purposes.

00:14:30.720 So the first is the reproduction of God's image on the earth. 0.63

00:14:34.760 That's number one.

00:14:36.180 It's that God created us with the ability to create and to fill the earth with his image.

00:14:42.220 He wants us to create children who know and love him.

00:14:46.140 Number two, the strengthening of the marriage bond through intimate pleasure.

00:14:52.660 And so it strengthens the marriage unity through sex.

00:14:56.860 That's another purpose for marriage.

00:14:58.360 The third is it's the physical representation of the spiritual pleasure

00:15:05.400 that we're actually going to experience, us as the church,

00:15:09.220 when we are perfectly united with Christ. 0.89

00:15:13.700 So sex and even orgasm is really this idea of, it's a mirror.

00:15:20.380 It's a physical mirror to a spiritual truth about what it's going to be like when we're completely unified with Christ as the church.

00:15:31.240 Beautiful, beautiful stuff in deep marital theology there.

00:15:35.240 But I just wanted you to catch that. 0.96

00:15:36.980 It's not this like, I'm just going to go have sex to go feel good.

00:15:40.040 That's not what it's about.

00:15:40.980 And premarital sex departs from all three of those purposes.

00:15:45.180 It's not for reproduction.

00:15:46.540 Actually, in most cases, it's for prevention or pleasure only, and usually, in many cases, ends in abortion.

00:15:56.500 Premarital sex is not for the strengthening of a marriage bond,

00:15:59.300 and premarital sex is not representing the pleasure that we're going to experience when Jesus and his church are united as one.

00:16:06.560 sex outside of marriage is actually a lie about jesus in the church

00:16:11.160 it's a lie about where real joy can be found and so it's just it's a big conversation it

00:16:19.780 seems small but it's a big deal yeah i think that um the last point we should make is that

00:16:26.360 in scripture sex outside of god's boundaries is always called fornication jesus calls it 0.93

00:16:31.980 fornication peter calls it fornication jude calls it fornication paul calls it fornication and the 0.74

00:16:37.200 old testament calls it fornication yeah so in um first corinthians 6 verses 18 through 20 paul says 0.94

00:16:43.520 flee fornication every sin that a man does is outside of the body but he who commits sexual

00:16:49.520 immorality sins against his own body or do you not know that your body is the temple of the holy

00:16:53.780 spirit who is in you whom you have from god and you are not your own for you were bought at a

00:16:59.740 price therefore glorify god in your body and in your spirit which are gods as a christian

00:17:06.400 we don't get to decide what we want to do with our bodies yeah um god has purchased our body

00:17:12.180 with his own blood because of this we should glorify him with our bodies yeah i mean it's

00:17:18.700 funny we that song goes on in our house i know i kept like um almost reading it wrong because i

00:17:25.280 have it memorized the way the song sings it yeah it must be a different translation but it's very

00:17:30.020 similar we have a song that our daughter listens to that has that scripture in it that scripture

00:17:35.040 and it's just reminding her that her body's the temple of the holy spirit and that we don't get

00:17:41.060 to do what we want with our own bodies we have to check with the lord the lord's word on those

00:17:46.460 matters so i think that point you made here is that yeah like god purchased your body with his

00:17:52.500 blood and you get eternal life because of that purchase and then you're gonna go and do exactly

00:18:03.200 the opposite of what god commands you to do it's like dragging the temple of god through the dirt

00:18:12.980 you know it's like it's just so incredibly disrespectful when when you understand the

00:18:18.920 temple and that our body represents the temple. It's to be used. What's the temple for? It's to

00:18:24.860 honor God. It's to glorify God. It's to show God's power. And then you're just going and taking it

00:18:31.500 into a sinful situation. So I'm going to give you guys a quick wrap up of what we talked about,

00:18:37.740 just so you guys can have this as helpful information and maybe remember what we said

00:18:41.740 so that you can reference this episode if you ever need to have a conversation with a friend

00:18:47.380 or send this episode to somebody that might need to listen to it.

00:18:52.920 And if you guys have that, again, you can do that at relearnchurch.org forward slash listen.

00:18:57.120 You could find this episode and just say, hey, brother or sister, heard this episode.

00:19:01.640 You might want to take a listen.

00:19:02.980 And hopefully, you know, this could be a tool of the Lord to bring correction to a situation like that.

00:19:11.520 But I'm going to give you a quick wrap up, five points.

00:19:14.660 Remember, one, we are the beneficiaries of God's commands.

00:19:17.260 not God like this is good for us right the rules of scripture are here to help us not hurt us and

00:19:24.080 you got to really get people to believe that that's really important the second thing is sex

00:19:28.640 is actually a form of worship remember that whatever we pursue is what we worship and you

00:19:35.580 know are you worshiping pleasure by adhering to your own design for sex or are you worshiping God 0.89

00:19:41.360 by adhering to his design for sex. 0.98

00:19:44.780 Point number three is God takes sex and sexual immorality very seriously,

00:19:50.360 and so should you.

00:19:51.960 His word says that those who practice sexual immorality

00:19:55.080 will not inherit the kingdom of God. 0.99

00:19:57.900 Crazy.

00:19:58.640 That should just, it should just scare a little bit of fear,

00:20:01.980 like righteous fear in us when you hear that.

00:20:05.420 And the rest of that list, you got to look at the rest of that list.

00:20:08.480 Number four, God's will for your life is sexual holiness to be separate and different. 0.61

00:20:15.820 Number five, premarital sex departs from God's three purposes for marriage or for sex, 0.71

00:20:22.940 which are reproduction of his image, the strengthening of the marriage bond,

00:20:25.600 and to mirror the utter pleasure that we will have when the church is unified with Christ in heaven.

00:20:32.960 and so just critical understanding hopefully that was helpful and edifying for you guys

00:20:39.900 um again a couple reminders before we close out here any last points you want to make

00:20:46.000 so the show notes again relearn church.org forward slash listen you could find the show

00:20:53.540 notes of this episode uh again if you guys want to follow relearn church or ultimate marriage

00:20:57.960 which is our companion ministry that we help marriages, biblical marriages.

00:21:03.040 You can follow that on Instagram as well.

00:21:05.820 It's just at ReLearn Church and at Ultimate Marriages.

00:21:09.620 The Ultimate Marriage was taken.

00:21:11.240 I don't know who has it.

00:21:12.260 It's like an account that's like been.

00:21:13.240 If you have it, you can give it to us.

00:21:14.240 Yeah, please.

00:21:15.000 Give a donation.

00:21:16.600 And the last thing is a reminder to leave a review of the episode or of this podcast.

00:21:21.640 We would appreciate that.

00:21:23.120 On that note, thanks for listening, guys.

00:21:25.000 and hopefully we will have you guys back next week

00:21:27.960 for another episode of Real Christianity.

00:21:29.700 Take care.

00:21:30.260 See ya.

Dale Partridge - May 22, 2019

Real Christianity #46： Is Sex Before Marriage Sinful or Acceptable？

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