Dale Partridge - Real Christianity #53： How The Bible Calls Christians to Deal with Offense

00:00:00.520 Hello and welcome to Real Christianity. Today we are talking about how the Bible calls Christians to handle offense. 0.87

00:00:07.180 Offense. We are, I would say, a very offended generation.

00:00:12.840 It's America's favorite pastime, being offended.

00:00:14.960 Yep, let's just go get offended. 0.98

00:00:16.460 And so we're going to discuss what the scriptures call Christians to do in terms of offense. 0.88

00:00:27.120 when they are offended. What are we to do according to scriptures? And I think it's

00:00:32.980 gonna be a fun episode. I think it's gonna be pretty straight to the point, pretty short.

00:00:36.600 But before we dive in, and I think Veronica's opening up this episode,

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00:02:34.080 episode etc etc

00:02:35.360 I'm going to stop talking Veronica can go ahead and

00:02:38.100 jump in 0.85

00:02:39.420 What was that? Well, sound effect. I know. Sound effects machine.

00:02:43.080 Well, that's exciting. Okay. Today we're going to be talking about how Christians are to handle offense with one another.

00:02:50.100 I'm sure you kind of got that in our intro. Anyway, lucky for Dale, he is incredibly blessed in our marriage to have me as a wife.

00:03:01.300 I happen to be the one who is more easily offended in our marriage. I'm just kidding. Well, I'm not kidding about me.

00:03:07.820 She's definitely, I just, I'm just more inclined to be offended than Dale.

00:03:12.260 And Dale, I'm actually the blessed one.

00:03:14.040 Dale is the one that is hard to offend and he's really quick to forgive.

00:03:18.260 And my assumption is the Lord just made him that way because he needs to be able to handle

00:03:23.900 all the heat that he gets for standing up.

00:03:25.560 I don't know how you'd be able to do, um, a preaching truth on a public scale if you

00:03:33.080 were easily offended because man, I get all types of things and statement thrown at me.

00:03:37.820 Yeah, and you read all that stuff where, like, if I know Dale's putting something controversial out or, I mean, everything you put out is pretty much, you know, rub somebody the wrong way.

00:03:48.640 I generally just, like, won't even go to your comment section because I'll just want to, like, fight for you.

00:03:55.940 Little me.

00:03:56.640 um okay but in our journey of offense um and just bitterness and anger the lord has really humbled me

00:04:07.620 first of all and he's taught me quite a bit on how he expects his children to respond

00:04:13.200 to offensive situations yeah as a biblical house church planter um for those of you that don't know

00:04:20.880 we plant biblical house churches our ministry is very close we're like in close proximity with

00:04:27.000 lots of people in our church you know we there's probably eight to 15 to 20 families at the most

00:04:34.060 inside of a house church but you're like intimately close with these people and we're

00:04:40.380 we're close relationally physically emotionally spiritually um this creates frequent opportunities

00:04:47.480 to really see if the doctrine that we talk about in the Bible

00:04:53.940 is actually true in our own life, in relationships.

00:04:59.900 You know, it's not just good philosophy, you know, to talk about love.

00:05:04.280 It's not just good philosophy to talk about patience.

00:05:06.120 It's not just good philosophy to talk about compassion.

00:05:08.840 But when you get in a situation where someone's offended you,

00:05:11.480 can you actually make that doctrine real in your life?

00:05:14.360 um and we've had lots of moments over the years that things get dicey in relationships

00:05:19.840 um especially if you're in long-term relationships like committed for the long haul

00:05:25.220 you get into dice what happens to a lot of people is that they get dicey and then the

00:05:29.780 relationship breaks and then kind of turns into like a an acquaintance instead of going deeper

00:05:34.180 it just kind of pulls back instead of resolving the issue yeah so we've probably had i would say

00:05:39.420 close to a hundred over the last five years conversations hard conversations like awkward

00:05:46.040 embarrassing corrective rebuking like not just us doing this to other people but people doing

00:05:53.440 it to us as well but it goes both ways goes both ways and um uh we've even walked out church

00:05:59.820 discipline start to finish matthew 18 church discipline um and so we've we've been there in

00:06:06.480 terms of the tears the woundedness we know i've eaten lots of humble pie too and so there's just

00:06:13.920 a lot that goes on to offense if you're close with people and you want long-term committed

00:06:19.080 relationships yeah so in today's episode dale and i just want to share not only what the bible

00:06:24.800 instructs on how his children should handle moments where we're offended um but also what

00:06:30.760 we've learned over the years in ministry and how to properly heal offense and

00:06:35.040 ultimately restore the relationship. Um, and on a side issue, we did an episode, um,

00:06:43.440 that's one of our actually most popular episodes on church discipline that's

00:06:46.680 titled, should Christians judge other Christians? Um, and that deals with the

00:06:50.980 judgment correction, a little bit of what Dale was talking about, judgment

00:06:53.540 correction public rebuke and even excommunication and they're not popular issues but they are

00:07:02.700 the purification system I would say that God has put in place for the church and without it the

00:07:08.400 church becomes toxic and begins it really begins to look like the world and the culture it does

00:07:14.260 yeah if you guys haven't listened to that episode go back this episode's a great pair with that 0.87

00:07:19.880 Again, the title is Should Christians Judge Christians?

00:07:22.680 If you just go to relearnchurch.org and just type that in the search bar, you'll find it. 0.99

00:07:27.320 So let's talk about offense.

00:07:29.760 A true offense will never come from someone walking in the spirit.

00:07:35.500 Okay, I want to say that again.

00:07:36.500 A true offense will never come from someone walking in the spirit.

00:07:40.760 It will always come from someone walking in the flesh.

00:07:43.420 and so now people can choose to be offended about anything spiritual like from god the bible itself

00:07:52.380 is offensive to people who don't know god and so what i'm saying though is that a true offense

00:07:59.400 can't come from the spirit it comes from when we're walking in our flesh and so let's look at

00:08:04.180 what the bible defines as the works of the flesh and i'm going to read that it's galatians 5 19

00:08:11.520 through 26. It starts off nicely by saying, now the works of the flesh are evident, which are,

00:08:18.300 so we're going to go through this, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry,

00:08:24.480 sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions,

00:08:31.400 heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like, of which I tell you beforehand,

00:08:38.020 just as i also told you in the times past that those who practice such things will not inherit

00:08:45.040 the kingdom of god sounds like hollywood um in terms of just think about any like popular movie

00:08:52.960 tv show tv show and you go adultery fornication uncleanness lewdness idolatry sorcery hatred

00:08:59.080 contentions jealousies outbursts of wrath selfish ambitions dissensions heresies envy murders

00:09:03.180 drunkenness and revel revel revelries so you got like media in general yeah that's pretty much

00:09:09.320 what's going on uh those who practice these such things practice means you're continuing habitually

00:09:15.860 you're actually getting better at it um you're not going to inherit the kingdom of heaven or the

00:09:21.280 kingdom of god is what it says here uh this letter was written to christians by the way just letting

00:09:25.480 you know um so he's reminding christians that hey if you practice these things um you're not going

00:09:31.160 inherit the kingdom of God. Now, you're probably thinking, geez, Dale, I don't think that we're

00:09:37.640 struggling with sorcery and murder and adultery over here. Yeah, sure, most people aren't struggling

00:09:45.040 with those things in the church, but let me remind you that this is a letter written to Christians

00:09:52.140 that have very common issues, and I think the church actually does struggle with a variety of

00:09:57.700 these things on a grand scale. And we're all capable of committing these sins. That's the

00:10:02.520 crazy thing, right? I am capable. You are capable. We are all capable of committing these types of

00:10:08.100 things. Now, I have narrowed this down to what I call the five fleshes of the church. And these,

00:10:17.060 you like that? That's a pretty cool pun, five fleshes of the church. Okay. There's five of them.

00:10:22.340 um and i would say these are the most common fleshly uh experiences i don't know temptations

00:10:33.360 yeah desires in the church there we go number one is contentions these are heated disagreements

00:10:40.900 okay so that was listed in that you have to log on any to any social media platform and see that

00:10:48.300 yeah well i'm and again in the church you're dealing with contentions between brothers and

00:10:52.600 sisters and the second thing is jealousies there's all types of jealousies that are pretty common in

00:10:59.160 the church uh number three is outbursts of wrath uh anger is really what that means uh matt jacobson

00:11:07.120 from faithful life uh he's the one that discipled me he he always says that um anger uh destroys

00:11:15.420 everything it touches it destroys everything it touches so outbursts of wrath number four

00:11:20.340 selfish ambitions man guys i remember when i went to the church the like the institutional church

00:11:27.960 like maybe eight or nine years ago i remember thinking oh you know what i'm gonna go to that

00:11:33.740 big church because there's gonna be a lot of people there that i can get some clients for my

00:11:38.300 business like i remember thinking that and i think it's a pretty common thing to think about if you're

00:11:43.320 a business person and you're like, oh yeah, I'm going to go to networking, right? Let's get to

00:11:46.220 know some people. And that's a selfish ambition. There are lots of selfish ambitions that are

00:11:55.340 being walked out in the church. And so I think it's one that's important to be on this list.

00:12:01.140 And number five is dissensions, which are disagreements that lead to separations. I think

00:12:06.380 about Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts, where it says the contention became so sharp

00:12:11.480 that they actually went their separate ways.

00:12:13.720 That's a dissension.

00:12:15.900 And so now I want to remind people real quick,

00:12:19.500 just to kind of get your theology straight here.

00:12:21.500 What is God's desire for his church, for his children?

00:12:28.380 Unity, unity.

00:12:30.020 If you read John chapter 17, verse 21, it says,

00:12:34.080 Father, this is Jesus praying.

00:12:35.320 It's called the high priestly prayer.

00:12:37.100 Remember that, high priestly prayer.

00:12:38.820 John 17, he says,

00:12:40.600 It says, Father, I pray that they all may be one as you, Father, are in me and I in you, and that they may also be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.

00:12:56.160 Okay, think about that for a second.

00:12:58.860 I think what most people miss about that verse is that last piece that you mentioned, that the world may know that you sent me.

00:13:07.320 mm-hmm Jesus is saying that our unity in the church is the vehicle by which the

00:13:12.420 world will believe that God sent Jesus this means like this is big catch catch

00:13:17.520 the read that again just that idea I said our unity in the church is the

00:13:25.740 vehicle by which the world will believe that God sent Jesus yes so this means

00:13:31.200 that our division is evidence and a testimony that will lead onlookers to

00:13:36.300 doubt the gospel yep and this is why this conversation on how to heal offense is so

00:13:42.120 important yeah so these all those five parts of the flesh of the church um what they do

00:13:47.940 is they divide you know they they divide when you have contentions it's division exactly what

00:13:54.120 satan wants exactly jealousies divide outbursts of wrath divide selfish ambitions are individualistic

00:14:00.240 they divide dissensions they divide and it makes people doubt that god said it makes people doubt

00:14:06.280 the gospel sin does sin divides whether it divides you from a person a relationship it certainly

00:14:11.720 divides you you know put something a wedge between you and god in christ where unity

00:14:16.820 restores the evidence of the gospel that god sent jesus and so you cannot have an effective church

00:14:26.760 without unity. John chapter 17, 1 Corinthians chapter 10, or sorry, 1 Corinthians chapter 1,

00:14:34.080 Ephesians chapter 4, these are all areas of scripture that talk about unity. And you cannot

00:14:41.380 have unity without a clear path or understanding on how to deal with offense and adversity in the

00:14:50.140 church. And luckily, the Bible tells us exactly how to do that. So we're going to talk about that

00:14:54.680 today. So what I'm saying is this, you need unity to have an effective church. You can't have unity

00:15:00.460 unless you know how to have unity in adversity and conflict. And we're going to talk about what

00:15:06.660 the Bible says about that. So 1 John chapter 13, 34 through 35, Jesus says, a new command I give to

00:15:15.620 Love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another.

00:15:22.200 By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

00:15:31.580 Okay, so I'm going to just preface that the world will know that we're his disciples by our love.

00:15:37.560 Now, biblical love.

00:15:39.620 Okay, we don't get to kind of reinvent what love means.

00:15:44.440 Real love.

00:15:45.620 biblical love first corinthians chapter 13 verse 5 says about love love does not behave rudely

00:15:55.180 does not seek its own is not provoked does not keep a record of wrongs

00:16:03.600 okay when it means that is not provoked other passages or other translations like it's not

00:16:09.500 easily provoked, it's you're not easily offended. You don't keep a record of wrongs. That's

00:16:17.060 bitterness, right? If you're easily offended, what it means is that your love is likely shallow.

00:16:26.720 If you're easily offended in a relationship or all the time with many people, it's that your

00:16:32.360 love is likely shallow for those people. That's just a general statement. I'm not being specific,

00:16:39.500 but just general if you harbor hurt like you you hold on to it um and you keep a record of wrongs

00:16:48.400 in your heart again which means you're not taking your thoughts captive yeah and you're not having

00:16:54.360 biblical love love for people you're having whatever you've invented in your head but not

00:16:59.680 biblical love if you're harboring hurt it means again you have shallow love for people that you

00:17:07.160 can harbor pain because you don't fully love those people saying when he writes in his epistle

00:17:13.780 love covers a multitude of sins he's saying that when you love someone with biblical love

00:17:21.580 you can overlook or forgive or disregard the pain caused by sin by the many sins and i think

00:17:32.020 parenting is a good example little children sin against their parents many times per day

00:17:37.300 and i can forgive and overlook some of that stuff so easily because i love them with biblical love

00:17:44.520 if i didn't love my children with biblical love man the offense would be difficult to

00:17:51.760 to push away in that situation now they need to be corrected but it is our love that covers

00:17:58.940 the pain of their sin and keeps us in relationship with them and so working on loving one another

00:18:07.120 is so important yeah and if and if you're you know if a valid offense arises between you and

00:18:13.740 another christian the bible offers three possible responses you want to share the first one yeah i

00:18:19.340 will um this is really important part of the podcast so these are your solutions here prefaced

00:18:24.420 with love. This is the practical. Yeah, this is the practical. Prefaced with love. Biblical love,

00:18:29.240 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Go read it. But point number one on your options when you get offended.

00:18:35.520 Number one, overlook the offense. Proverbs 19, 11 says, good sense makes one slow to anger,

00:18:44.100 and it is his glory to overlook an offense. This means to not be troubled or threatened

00:18:53.440 by an offense, to almost pity the offender. Just completely let it go. Yeah. Instead of

00:19:00.400 despising the offender, it's just, just to overlook it. You just go, oh man. And there's

00:19:05.920 been so many times where I've been, someone's written the most nasty thing to me. And I just

00:19:10.880 go, oh man, they're so hurt. I feel so bad at how broken they are. You drive and all of a sudden

00:19:17.120 you accidentally cut someone off. You don't realize it. You're just, you cut in front of

00:19:21.600 someone and and they look at you with red fire eyes both fingers flipping you off yelling and

00:19:28.320 cussing at you do you choose to get offended and fight back no i just go oh man i feel so bad for

00:19:34.600 them they have to be so broken to be that angry about a traffic thing um jesus modeled overlooking

00:19:42.120 offense perfectly when he's on the cross and he says father forgive them for they know not what

00:19:48.320 they do so talk about overlooking offense if jesus can pull that off arms open wide

00:19:58.000 being murdered and overlook the offense we should have a pretty high threshold for overlooking

00:20:04.020 offense um and mature christians what this is saying they don't have a chip on their shoulder

00:20:10.980 they just kind of you know it makes me think of James chapter 1 19 it says be swift to hear

00:20:22.260 slow to speak and slow to anger and if you could pull that kind of stuff off then you can overlook

00:20:29.320 offenses now not every offense needs to be overlooked and that's why Veronica is going to

00:20:33.400 hit number two number two confront the offender in Matthew 18 which we've mentioned multiple times

00:20:39.400 here um verse chapter 18 verses 15 through 17 it says moreover if your brother sins against you go

00:20:45.840 and tell him his fault between you and him alone if he hears you you have gained your brother but

00:20:50.820 if he will not hear you take with you two one or two more that by the mouth of two or three

00:20:57.220 witnesses every word may be established and if he refuses to hear them tell it to the church

00:21:03.440 But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

00:21:13.560 So when you're directly offended by somebody, do you go and talk to other people about it?

00:21:19.200 No.

00:21:20.000 No, you go to them alone, one-on-one.

00:21:22.500 And if you are going to other people, you're gossiping and that's sin and you need to repent of that.

00:21:27.780 Yeah, I mean.

00:21:28.280 What you're supposed to do is go to them alone, one-on-one.

00:21:30.660 Yes.

00:21:30.720 guys I've gotten myself and we have seen this in our own experience

00:21:39.420 so many times this problem of going to somebody else before going to the person you're offended

00:21:47.660 by it's so dangerous just don't do it if you're offended keep your mouth shut and go talk to that

00:21:56.180 person alone yeah and I'm gonna say go let's just say that I was offended a valid offense

00:22:03.500 it's a repeated offense I'm not gonna overlook it at this point because it needs to be corrected

00:22:09.500 and it's just in that person's life let's just say that it's another man's wife I'm not gonna

00:22:16.200 go to another man's wife and correct his wife what I am going to do is I'm going to bring Veronica

00:22:23.060 and I'm going to bring the husband together

00:22:25.460 and we're going to talk about it as couples

00:22:27.740 because we are one in our marriages

00:22:29.740 and we're going to go together as couples.

00:22:33.660 And so be careful about that as well.

00:22:37.160 Proverbs 17, 9 says,

00:22:38.240 He who conceals a transgression seeks love.

00:22:43.680 So you conceal it, you hide it.

00:22:46.240 Now that can be taken in a very negative way

00:22:49.080 and you have to use discernment

00:22:50.660 because the catholic church will use this passage reference of concealing illegal activity that's

00:22:58.320 different um that's different i'm talking a personal one-on-one transgression that's not

00:23:04.760 against the law but a personal matter but it says he who conceals a transgression seeks love but he

00:23:12.620 who repeats a matter meaning he speaks it to the public or speaks it to others separates intimate

00:23:18.260 friends. We're called to protect the reputation of others, not spout off their failures to other

00:23:25.000 people. That's really hard. This means if someone comes to you with a complaint about another

00:23:31.960 person, it's your job. Another person that you know, like you're complaining about something in

00:23:41.220 your church, you're supposed to say, stop. Stop talking to me about this. Go directly to that

00:23:48.380 person and talk to them. That's what you get to do. And your hope is for repentance

00:23:55.820 in which you return with forgiveness and restoration is achieved. That's what you want

00:24:02.440 confronting. It's because you want that brother or sister to be restored in relationship with you

00:24:08.260 and with christ and to not walk in sin anymore and get get back into that relationship and as

00:24:14.300 del and i mentioned earlier in the podcast that we've had to deal with offense many many many

00:24:19.940 times over the last i don't know five six years um and generally most of the time this is the outcome

00:24:27.960 yes restored restored it sometimes takes crying and tears and awkward conversations but

00:24:33.580 if you work hard and you're humble, you can get there.

00:24:37.480 I want to make one quick caveat.

00:24:39.760 There's a difference between a personal correction and a public correction,

00:24:43.200 meaning that let's just say that someone in my church has a personal issue.

00:24:46.260 I go talk to them personally.

00:24:47.820 Now, let's just say that you hear a teacher teach publicly,

00:24:53.240 a pastor teach a false doctrine publicly,

00:24:57.560 or a movie star or someone famous, an influencer, teach something publicly.

00:25:03.580 If it's taught publicly, it can be corrected publicly.

00:25:07.820 It's not an offense against you.

00:25:09.820 This is a different realm of rules.

00:25:12.940 Peter does something sinful in his ministry.

00:25:19.160 Paul corrects him publicly because it was done publicly.

00:25:23.640 And so this is different about calling out false teachers and things like that.

00:25:27.780 I don't want you to apply this one-on-one interpersonal doctrine to the calling out false teachers doctrine and vice versa.

00:25:35.880 So I just want to clarify that for those that are even thinking about that, which is probably a very small percentage.

00:25:40.440 That was a good point.

00:25:41.120 But number three.

00:25:43.140 Number three is get bitter and divisive.

00:25:46.540 In Hebrews 12, 15, it says,

00:25:48.720 So if you can't overlook the sin and you refuse to confront the offender in love straight to their face in person, you will become bitter.

00:26:08.720 And that's the option three.

00:26:10.400 And it's not that we're saying to take that option.

00:26:12.360 No, please don't.

00:26:13.140 Yeah, bitterness will cause division and division will bring doubt to the gospel.

00:26:18.720 It will. And this is what happens. If you don't confront it, or if you don't overlook it,

00:26:25.840 you don't confront it. You're just going to sit and stew on it.

00:26:30.180 And it makes people, you got to like, oh man, it's just so divisive. It's so bad for you.

00:26:36.320 It just ruins you. Yeah. In the relationship, in the unity.

00:26:41.580 It's so bad. So just be careful with this. Ephesians 4 31 says,

00:26:45.180 let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all

00:26:51.940 malice just that's a command from the apostle just put it away um so if you if you're bitter

00:26:59.120 right now you gotta go and confront it or overlook it because bitterness is another word

00:27:07.020 for it it's called sin you're sinning you're being bitter doing the opposite of what scripture

00:27:12.780 teaches you to do and it takes such a deep root it's dangerous usually my experience um people

00:27:19.400 people struggle with forgiveness and bitterness because they've forgotten how much they've been

00:27:26.480 forgiven by christ that's my experience um and i would um venture to say that if you haven't if

00:27:35.240 you've already had a conversation you're still feeling bitter you haven't truly forgiven the

00:27:39.060 person so sometimes people have actually been confronted or i thought i overlooked that um and

00:27:43.820 they're still better you gotta search your heart make sure that a root of bitterness doesn't take

00:27:48.720 root like it grows pluck that thing out yes it grows and this is serious because matthew chapter

00:27:55.940 6 15 jesus says but if you do not forgive others their trespasses neither will your father forgive

00:28:01.280 your trespasses how many unforgiven people are in heaven none that's a scary scripture should

00:28:08.040 scare you a bit. Make sure that you're careful about forgiveness. So to wrap this all up in

00:28:14.860 review, as a Christian, you have three options during times of events. One, overlook it because

00:28:20.660 of your deep love for the person. Two, confront it in love and with the hope for restoration.

00:28:27.860 Yep. And number three, get bitter and divisive and put the gospel and your relationship with

00:28:32.300 christ in jeopardy not a good option option three and so this stuff is always hard i would say be

00:28:40.520 prayerful be humble favorite quote from matt jacobson you can't argue with a humble person

00:28:45.860 um be soft be quick to listen is what the scriptures say um the lord can restore even the

00:28:53.540 toughest relationships if we simply just do what his word says he is a redeemer so on that note

00:29:03.860 again just a quick reminder if this show is helpful for you guys would you guys leave a

00:29:07.940 review again just go to your podcast app and just tap the stars we would love to have a review from

00:29:14.500 you guys they do help the exposure of the show again if you're interested in the ultimate marriage

00:29:19.300 program, ultimate marriage.com forward slash notify. And if you want to see the show notes,

00:29:24.220 the scriptures referenced, the YouTube video of this episode, just go to relearnchurch.org

00:29:29.120 forward slash listen on that note. See you guys next week. See you next week. Take care.

Dale Partridge - July 10, 2019

Real Christianity #53： How The Bible Calls Christians to Deal with Offense

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