Dale Partridge - Real Christianity #76： 4 Marital Sex Questions Couples Shouldn’t Avoid

00:00:00.000 welcome to real christianity today we are talking about for critical sexual questions married

00:00:05.680 couples avoid critical sexual questions couples avoid we we almost called them awkward questions

00:00:13.220 but they're actually they're awkward but they're critical well and they're they're um awkward

00:00:21.440 because people are so uncomfortable to ask them but they're actually questions that a lot of people

00:00:25.280 have a lot of people and you're going to find that out today get them often we get them often

00:00:30.000 So hopefully they answer some of your questions as well.

00:00:33.960 This is a sensitive topic, so just kind of give it a parental warning there, depending on who's in the room.

00:00:39.960 It's probably not content for the young listeners.

00:00:43.320 Yeah, I'd say definitely not. If you have kids around, just listen to it later.

00:00:47.460 Yeah, listen to it later. But we are excited. I think it's an important discussion to have.

00:00:54.120 And yeah, so before we get started, I wanted to talk about a few things.

00:00:58.660 One is if you're a regular listener to the show, we would really appreciate it if you'd go to iTunes.

00:01:03.780 Sorry, not even iTunes.

00:01:04.920 Go to podcast app on your phone and just tap the stars on the show.

00:01:10.300 Rate the show.

00:01:11.320 Leave a review.

00:01:11.980 You can write something.

00:01:13.360 You don't need to write something, but you can just tap the stars.

00:01:15.900 But if you do write something, we will read it.

00:01:18.220 And it really does help the exposure of the show.

00:01:21.040 It really does.

00:01:21.800 The show has continued to grow because of so many reviews that the show has.

00:01:27.240 so thank you guys for that um um oh you're going to talk about ultimate marriage yep um since we

00:01:33.280 are talking about four critical sexual questions that couples have i just want to remind you guys

00:01:37.720 if you haven't heard already we do offer a six-week marriage mentorship program it's called

00:01:43.220 ultimate marriage you can go to ultimate marriage.com and find it there um it's a jam-packed

00:01:48.020 six-week curriculum with videos every week marriage challenge checklist that you can go over with your

00:01:53.320 spouse, um, and then questions to ask each other and to go over, um, as you go throughout the

00:01:59.240 program. Yeah. We've had hundreds, maybe thousands, but it definitely hundreds of couples go through

00:02:05.480 the program and it's, you know, year two on this. We've churned it. It was a year long program. Now

00:02:11.480 it's a six week program. I think more people are excited about the short punchy program. You just

00:02:17.260 one night a week, just do an hour, watch the video, do the challenge checklist, do the discussion

00:02:22.320 questions it goes really deep into the discussion of marriage and so it's helped so many people

00:02:28.440 it's a great gift as a wedding gift um yeah um i've had a few people write me on social media

00:02:35.560 recently saying i'm a newlywed i we didn't receive any premarital counseling i think this is a great

00:02:41.400 tool um if you're newly married or yeah a wedding gift i mean it would have blessed us immensely

00:02:46.780 had we had this early on in our marriage yeah and it's also great for the people that have been

00:02:51.160 married for 10 years um so it's it's just deeper than the average marriage discussion so hopefully

00:02:57.740 you can do that it's at ultimate marriage.com and obviously it's all biblically based it is and it's

00:03:03.060 all part of our ministry and so it's a product by our companion ministry that continues to go to the

00:03:08.380 bottom line funding our ministry so um okay so i wanted to just preface today's discussion with

00:03:15.360 All these answers to these questions are to be taken in the confines of a Christian marriage.

00:03:23.020 So if you're not married, you can listen to this, but the advice would be different if you're not married.

00:03:30.180 And also, if you're not Christian, these are also—I'm coming at this, and Veronica's coming at this from a biblical perspective.

00:03:39.020 And so I just wanted to say that. The second thing is we're going to try to have a discussion around this issue with verbal modesty.

00:03:48.240 And it's difficult to do. It's pretty easy to kind of go, you know, get crass with some language or even make some more humor where humor shouldn't be there.

00:03:58.620 Because these are serious topics and they're real and they're sometimes a little bit awkward, but we are going to attempt to allow that to guide our speech today.

00:04:07.960 So, um, yeah, we're going to try and use verbal modesty, but since we are speaking of sexual

00:04:13.380 content, we are going to be using some sexual words that may make you uncomfortable.

00:04:17.400 So just be aware of that.

00:04:18.860 Yeah.

00:04:19.060 So let's jump into number question or to question number one.

00:04:21.440 All right.

00:04:21.920 Dale and Veronica, my husband and I just got married and we're exploring our sexuality

00:04:25.520 for the first time.

00:04:26.500 I know this is an extremely awkward question, but is it okay for married couples to have 0.99

00:04:31.040 oral sex? 1.00

00:04:32.900 Okay. 0.97

00:04:33.360 So this is actually a really common question.

00:04:35.900 We get this pretty often. It's actually so common. When I was doing some research and preparing for it, there were several other major Christian websites that had lots of information about it.

00:04:50.160 So it is a common question. And, you know, I think the reason is that oral sex is actually more intimate than standard sex. 0.97

00:05:00.600 And I say that because even married couples are questioning if they should do it. 0.79

00:05:07.020 It's a it's a it's I would say one of the apex places of intimacy in a marriage.

00:05:12.240 And so we're going to talk about, you know, why you can and why you can't, depending on the circumstances and hopefully give you some wisdom, according to our information and understanding of the scriptures.

00:05:24.540 A little kind of preface of the conversation around sexuality is that God's blessings for sexuality are only found within God's boundaries for sexuality.

00:05:35.360 So just kind of keeping that in mind as an ethic or a guiding principle for your marriage.

00:05:41.700 And, you know, the Bible speaks a lot about what you cannot do outside of marriage, sexually speaking, in terms of, you know, fornication, homosexuality, bestiality, adultery, incest.

00:05:53.620 These are all the things you can't do. The Bible talks a lot about that.

00:05:56.980 The Bible, however, doesn't necessarily tell you what you can do in the confines of marriage.

00:06:03.740 It actually gives, I think, a lot of latitude and a lot of freedom and flexibility in the marriage to explore those ideas.

00:06:12.720 is. And if you haven't studied as a married couple Song of Songs, first it's titled that

00:06:21.780 title because it's like the peak of poetry, like King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Song of Songs. It's

00:06:29.860 the top of that. And it's got some really sexual language in there, if you can understand the 0.93

00:06:37.960 poetry. But I'm going to actually read you a verse. It's chapter 2, verse 3. And this is the

00:06:44.220 woman talking. And she says, like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved

00:06:50.780 among the young men. In his shade, I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to

00:06:57.020 my taste and so there's lots of uh there's way more um uh what's the word i'm looking for yeah

00:07:07.480 song of songs yeah there's just way more detail actually if you get a chance to read it which i

00:07:12.180 think again is the lord's permission for the exploration and freedom within the confines of

00:07:20.980 marriage yeah and exactly god gave you your spouse to explore your sexuality with your spouse

00:07:28.200 um three rules that you know we've kind of i don't know i guess we've kind of come up with

00:07:33.820 um that we tell other people um when it comes to exploring your sexuality with your spouse

00:07:38.900 i'm like all tongue-tied with your spouse um number one you are both physically and emotionally

00:07:45.140 comfortable with the activity yeah you're so if you you know your husband or your wife proposes

00:07:50.320 something and you're just feel really awkward really uncomfortable not comfortable with it

00:07:54.620 then don't do it yeah it's if it's not pleasurable um and or if it's unpleasant to their emotions

00:08:02.660 that's something that you just want to go um yeah stay away from that for that time

00:08:07.240 uh number two it doesn't violate scripture yeah i mean just that simple um it doesn't violate any

00:08:16.320 you're not bringing in a third party or something like that exactly violate scripture exactly yep

00:08:21.280 um number three it honors the human body um keep in mind you guys are both made in god's image so

00:08:26.880 uh you want don't you want to be treating each other with respect yeah not harming each other

00:08:32.960 not doing anything that's dangerous um not compromising your body's health yeah and i mean

00:08:40.540 the idea is that you know your bodies were made for specific activities and you don't want to go

00:08:48.700 too far into the into the territory of things that your body's not made for your body is a

00:08:54.320 temple of the holy spirit it is keep that in mind um i also think of hebrews 13 4 marriage is

00:08:59.320 honorable among all and the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulterers god will judge yeah 0.65

00:09:06.480 So my short answer is, I think it's permissible if you meet those criteria in your marriage.

00:09:13.840 And, you know, I listened to an article that asked Pastor John, John Piper, on Desiring God on this exact same topic.

00:09:22.020 He came to the same conclusion.

00:09:23.280 I really appreciated his perspective.

00:09:24.780 You can go and check that out at Desiring God as well.

00:09:28.260 But, yeah, that's our take on it is permissible.

00:09:32.120 But you're going to have to determine that with you and your spouse.

00:09:35.400 All right.

00:09:35.980 next question hi Dale and Veronica my husband doesn't desire sex nearly as much as I do we are

00:09:41.660 down to less than once per week how should I deal with this and how can we improve this in our

00:09:46.440 marriage yeah so this is another question that we actually get quite often sadly you you would think

00:09:53.380 that it's the other way around where men are saying hey my wife doesn't want to have sex

00:09:58.980 that seems to be the more common at least it was outcome yeah it was lately uh in marriage

00:10:06.760 ministry we just seem to get a lot of these questions where the wife is wondering why her

00:10:11.320 husband isn't interested in sex as much as she is um and so there's a variety of reasons that a man

00:10:19.300 would be less interested in sex than his wife and then there's one really common reason

00:10:25.420 Um, and before we look at the really common reason, I want to look at the, uh, the other

00:10:31.880 possibilities that, that it could be from, uh, you know, it could be low testosterone.

00:10:38.400 Um, and that's a real thing.

00:10:41.460 Um, you know, and that does affect people in some capacity.

00:10:45.580 Um, it could be a chronic acute illness, um, or sorry, a chronic or acute illness.

00:10:51.400 It could be something that's going on biologically and medically.

00:10:56.380 So just making sure that those things are discussed.

00:10:59.420 It could be extreme stress and burnout.

00:11:02.820 And I say extreme because, like, as a man, it's got to be pretty extreme to actually affect your sex drive.

00:11:09.440 And so, you know, you get to make these evaluations as a wife and as a husband if any of those things are actually happening.

00:11:16.880 But in my experience of fielding this question, which we've talked about it several times, I think even on the podcast, is it's only about, I mean, I'm going to be very generous here and say 25% of the time it's some of these other things and 75% of the time it's the common thing.

00:11:34.860 I actually think it's probably more like 90% of the time it's the common thing.

00:11:38.620 But hey, the common issue for this reason is that the man has a pornography habit.

00:11:47.760 That's usually what's going on.

00:11:50.600 And when a husband has a pattern of not being interested in his wife's and their sexual life,

00:11:59.920 and the other issues have been ruled out,

00:12:01.920 you know it's likely that he's looking at pornography because you know he's not interested 0.97

00:12:10.940 in having sex with his wife because basically he's relieving himself and you know sadly that 0.60

00:12:19.220 that seems to be coming back as the right answer over and over and over again and so ladies if you 0.90

00:12:27.320 do have a situation like that first uh you know love believes all things hopes all things thinks

00:12:33.040 no evil and so first thing come to your husband with a just a heart of curiosity and find out if

00:12:43.700 something in that 25 category and then if it's not i would just yeah go straight at it yeah it's

00:12:50.600 true we've seen so many wives shocked and upset and saddened and all of the negative emotions you

00:12:59.360 can feel um hurt that have written into us saying that they have discovered that their husband has

00:13:06.340 been looking at pornography married 10 years married five years married 20 years it's just

00:13:11.160 yeah so like as dale said have a discussion um roll things out make sure it's none of those

00:13:16.400 things you know be curious instead of critical um ask him point blank um it's it's often an issue

00:13:25.980 um it can be an issue for you know just throughout your marriages but a lot of

00:13:30.480 men can have this issue during when their wife's pregnant or postpartum things like that

00:13:35.780 if you're in a season of just not being able to have as much sex um and i would just pray

00:13:42.460 and allow the holy spirit to convict pray um for yourself to be able to walk in the spirit 0.99

00:13:48.360 and then also be praying for your husband or wife even um because i know a lot of women

00:13:53.420 deal with this as well yeah yeah so um that's our i guess our short answer on that issue um

00:14:00.980 men the way that men are designed when they're operating and they're not addicted to pornography

00:14:06.760 they're healthy there should be no reason that they're not interested in having sex with their

00:14:12.520 wives that's just what we've seen when you're in a healthy community full of men who are strong in

00:14:18.440 their faith and healthy physically and aren't looking at pornography that's the resounding

00:14:24.840 truth that we see in our community here in central oregon we have lots of men who are

00:14:28.880 who are very healthy normal pure mature godly men and they have great sex lives um and so

00:14:35.940 and actually a lot of those men that we know have in the past struggled with pornography

00:14:43.720 and have overcome it but in those seasons experience the same thing right okay question

00:14:51.200 number three my wife and i have been married for five years and we're wondering if it's

00:14:55.420 sinful to watch pornography if we do it together yeah so yes it is sinful um that's the short

00:15:03.300 answer um did you want to say something no okay you want to wait um i was going to but i'll wait

00:15:11.020 a second so this is again a common question you wouldn't think that this is a common question but

00:15:19.220 but it's usually asked by uh people who are younger in their faith um who are

00:15:26.840 maybe one's a believer one's not a believer um but but it is actually a question in the church

00:15:34.040 and and so uh yes it's sin it's it's a tragic and vile sin to do that i think that the scripture

00:15:41.760 that i feel like if you're a christian in the church you've heard the scripture before especially

00:15:47.100 in youth ministry or whatever it is is um and i'm probably going to botch it but it's you know if

00:15:51.640 whoever looks at a woman even to lust after her has committed adultery with her in his heart

00:15:55.340 yes so even if you're looking at a woman who's not your wife you're committing adultery with her

00:16:01.460 in your heart in your heart yeah it is a sin jesus elevated basically physical monogamy all

00:16:07.780 the way to mental monogamy um it's not even just what you do with your body it's what you do with

00:16:13.600 your head there's a quote i think it's chuck swindoll um adultery begins in the head far

00:16:19.280 before it ends in the bed and so um yeah so we have to remember that pornography use isn't sinful 0.83

00:16:27.240 just because it's hidden or like because you're you're doing it in secret god still sees you

00:16:32.880 yeah yeah you you could watch porn or you know do it in public in terms of or or even with your

00:16:39.160 spouse's approval or encouragement to do so and it's still sin so it's not just like the secrecy

00:16:44.560 that makes it a sin it's the activity in itself that makes it sin according to scripture

00:16:49.060 and i think it's actually a pretty common thing i think you mentioned that already

00:16:52.720 of couples desiring to do that together um yeah i remember i worked when i used to work full-time

00:17:00.040 working in a secular workspace none of my co-workers were christians and so they would

00:17:05.920 just speak about this like in public at our workplace talking about how they would watch

00:17:12.520 it together with their boyfriend and i'm just like this is crazy yes this is yeah they've lost

00:17:17.500 all complete understanding of what is right and wrong and so when you watch pornography um it's

00:17:24.240 first a sin against god because it's desacralizing um a sacred moment and and that's immoral in

00:17:35.020 scripture and so to be sacred is to be connected with god sex is an activity to be done between

00:17:40.920 a husband and wife as a representation of christ and the bride um and it's a sec or a sacred

00:17:47.640 connected to god experience and and there is no other permission of sexual activity in scripture

00:17:56.100 except within the confines of marriage and so so second so first it's a sin against god second

00:18:03.540 it's a sin against the spouse and likely the wife because the wife probably gets talked into

00:18:09.780 this activity from the man 0.99

00:18:11.980 to go

00:18:14.260 do this thing. You're sinning against your bride.

00:18:17.100 And then thirdly,

00:18:18.200 it's a sin against the people that you're watching.

00:18:20.900 These are other

00:18:22.040 souls and these are other

00:18:23.680 children of the Lord

00:18:25.540 that you're watching.

00:18:28.420 Perform and you're

00:18:30.340 affirming and

00:18:32.040 contributing

00:18:32.640 to

00:18:35.620 what they're doing. And I was again

00:18:38.080 affirming their sin by your participation.

00:18:42.980 And that is in itself a tragic thing.

00:18:47.740 You know, that is somebody's daughter.

00:18:49.760 That is somebody's son.

00:18:51.740 That is somebody's brother or sister.

00:18:55.120 These are, and those are the Lord's children.

00:18:57.220 And so you got to really take that into a perspective eternally. 0.99

00:19:00.900 And, you know, watching your, you know, pornography, other people have sex with your spouse, it's basically a modern orgy, basically. 0.94

00:19:12.360 And the, you know, they're digital instead of physical. 0.94

00:19:17.680 It's the same thing happening in the spiritual sense.

00:19:21.780 And so, you know, the Bible speaks specifically against orgies as well.

00:19:27.660 They are in scripture if you want to look them up.

00:19:29.900 It's inviting other people into a sacred moment.

00:19:33.400 In 1 Corinthians 6, 9 through 10, it says,

00:19:37.580 Okay, first, before I read this 1 Corinthians passage,

00:19:40.960 this is a letter written to Christians. 0.66

00:19:43.880 Okay, so keep that in mind.

00:19:46.160 It says,

00:19:47.160 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? 1.00

00:19:52.860 Remember, he's writing to Christians.

00:19:54.520 Do not be deceived, is what Paul says. 0.99

00:19:58.240 neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 0.99

00:20:03.820 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners 1.00

00:20:07.740 will inherit the kingdom of God. 0.70

00:20:11.360 And such were some of you, were some of you,

00:20:15.260 but you were washed and you were sanctified,

00:20:20.320 but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ by the Spirit of our God.

00:20:24.520 And so I want you to pay attention to that word washed and sanctified

00:20:26.840 because I'm going to talk about that in a minute.

00:20:29.200 But did you catch the thing that he said is that do not be deceived.

00:20:34.460 If you do these things, like you practice them on a regular basis,

00:20:38.640 it's a part of you, what you guys do.

00:20:42.260 You're not going to inherit the kingdom of God.

00:20:44.120 That is a scary scripture.

00:20:46.080 This is not talking about people in the world. 1.00

00:20:48.120 This is talking to Christians. 0.94

00:20:49.800 You do this, and that's what that is basically, 0.95

00:20:54.120 is that you're committing adultery with your spouse in the room. 0.76

00:21:01.120 And it's also a form of fornication,

00:21:04.480 and there's so many other things wrong with it.

00:21:07.480 And so what I'm saying is that the pornography is what's sinful,

00:21:12.440 not just the hidden use of it.

00:21:14.380 And I think that's a lot of people like,

00:21:16.100 is it okay if my wife says it's okay?

00:21:19.380 It's like, well, no, it's not up to her if it's okay.

00:21:21.940 even if you know she says that or not i'm going to give you a kind of a another raw analogy if a 0.95

00:21:28.740 police officer said hey it's okay if you go rape that woman is it okay to rape that woman

00:21:31.800 no just because something is quote legal or permitted doesn't mean that it's moral or right 0.85

00:21:38.300 and we need to understand that and so um i also want to draw your attention to some doctrine here

00:21:44.700 and this will maybe help kind of close the case it's ephesians 5 25 through 27 and it's says

00:21:51.520 Husbands, love your wives, and how are you going to love your wives?

00:21:56.100 Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her,

00:22:00.860 that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

00:22:04.600 that he might present her to himself a glorious church,

00:22:08.460 not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

00:22:11.820 but that she should be holy and without blemish.

00:22:15.340 And so this idea again here is sanctifying and washing.

00:22:18.160 this is the command of husbands for their wives

00:22:24.040 is to not have them have spot or wrinkle or any such thing

00:22:27.440 that they should be holy

00:22:30.000 and they should be without blemish

00:22:33.020 the blemish of sin is what it's talking about there

00:22:35.560 and so Christ would not contaminate

00:22:39.300 his marriage with the church

00:22:43.480 by inviting sin into their union

00:22:46.520 So if you're going to love Christ the way that Christ loves the church

00:22:50.520 Or you're going to love your wife the way Christ loves the church

00:22:52.200 You have to adopt that perspective

00:22:55.300 He's not going to put his bride in an opportunity to mar his church

00:23:00.720 And make her unholy

00:23:03.300 That's not what he does

00:23:04.940 He does the opposite

00:23:06.140 He protects her 0.74

00:23:06.960 So you're not going to lead your wife into an opportunity

00:23:11.380 To make your wife sin

00:23:14.860 and make her have blemish and unholy by looking at pornography together even if she says it's okay 0.97

00:23:21.940 yeah so long story short no christians cannot watch pornography together yes um without committing

00:23:28.360 sin um all right is this our last question or we have one more our last question our last question 0.99

00:23:33.080 okay number four number four i'm married and my wife doesn't have a high sex drive 0.99

00:23:37.660 is private masturbation permitted if my thoughts are directed toward her and not another woman 0.96

00:23:43.220 i'll let you start um yeah so i know you're mostly uh pointing this this discussion towards 0.89

00:23:50.240 the men but i immediately think of first corinthians chapter seven um and it's going to

00:23:54.440 be verses three through five um which will help apply your answer to not just the men but also

00:23:59.880 to the women so i'll go ahead and read that and then allow you to answer the question um let the

00:24:05.580 husband render to his wife the affection do her and likewise also the wife to her husband the

00:24:10.380 wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise the husband does

00:24:14.840 not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not deprive one another except with consent

00:24:19.940 for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that satan

00:24:25.380 does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control man we could just do a whole podcast

00:24:31.220 on that on that specific passage of scripture there yeah so what veronica is i think drawing

00:24:37.920 the conclusion on here is that your body is not your own first jesus says that he actually says

00:24:45.860 that in chapter 6 of corinthians um you were bought at a price your body is not your own

00:24:51.320 it's the temple of the holy spirit therefore glorify god with your body and your spirit which

00:24:55.240 are gods um and 19 and 20 yeah 6 19 and 20 and then then you go over to chapter 7 and then

00:25:03.040 the scriptures tell you that well then your body's your spouse's so first it's god's then it's your

00:25:10.280 spouse's and last it's you so you don't have a lot of decisions independent decisions of what

00:25:16.540 you get to do with your body and that's a good place to start in terms of the conversation around

00:25:22.000 masturbation and so um and again we're talking to the conversation to married couples here 0.93

00:25:28.480 And so before we talk about if private masturbation is wrong, I want to first look at, just for a second, men. 0.81

00:25:39.100 Imagine, if you're trying to figure out if this is right, if you can justify this or not, I want you to imagine what would happen if you were caught in the act of doing that.

00:25:51.440 How would you feel?

00:25:52.620 You'd feel embarrassed, shameful, and guilty.

00:25:56.440 And how would your wife likely feel?

00:25:58.480 hurt wounded um mad angry uh betrayed and and so so right there should have enough evidence that

00:26:11.640 this is not good there's shame guilt hurt pain woundedness betrayal like all right there

00:26:19.460 um so if it wasn't wrong you shouldn't feel shameful guilty and we're not going to just

00:26:26.420 go and try to you know justify these things uh that's what the world's trying to do is trying

00:26:32.400 to secular secularize everything meaning they're trying to remove shame from things that are 0.98

00:26:37.500 shameful um and so uh basically i want you guys to understand private sex with yourself is sex 0.99

00:26:49.720 outside of marriage and let that sink in for a second private sex with yourself is sex outside 0.99

00:26:57.340 of your marriage and you know now now i should say is it okay to engage in masturbation activities 0.97

00:27:09.400 with your spouse's presence or approval this is a totally different story yes i think that's

00:27:16.960 Absolutely. Okay. Especially because your wife owns your body. And, um, and yeah, if there's

00:27:23.140 approval of that, for whatever reason, you're on a business trip for two weeks, um, whatever it

00:27:30.440 might be, there should be clear communication. Um, again, I think it follows the conversation

00:27:36.740 that we talked about earlier. Does it violate scripture? Are they comfortable with it? Um,

00:27:41.700 does it harm your body? Are your thoughts pure? Are they solely on your spouse?

00:27:46.040 Yeah. Are your thoughts pure? Can your wife or husband trust you about that? And yeah, so that's a, I think that's an important distinction to make. Yeah.

00:27:59.860 Yeah. And I think sometimes this is needed. It's a needed activity, especially when, for women who have just had a baby.

00:28:09.420 Yeah. You got guys that you're, you know, you're eight weeks, 10 weeks sometimes, 12 weeks sometimes.

00:28:14.360 Yeah. Just depending on how the birth went. Or maybe, you know, the man or the woman had surgery. Or I think of like people in the military. Their spouses are gone for months, year, two at a time. So I think that this can be a healthy part of a marital sex life if it's open with your spouse about it. If it's approved about, you know, by your spouse. And if your thoughts are truly pure.

00:28:42.740 yeah and my thought is that it shouldn't ever take the the driver's seat of your sex life

00:28:50.460 meaning that real standard sex the way that god it should never take priority over intercourse

00:28:56.960 yeah we are obviously fitted for one another in terms of the human body and that is the primary

00:29:03.740 way that you should express your sexuality and that is something that um you don't want this

00:29:09.940 to partake because a lot of people can it's it's easy it's an easier outlet and i think a lot of

00:29:17.160 people do that they they they don't want to engage in the relational side of sex and it becomes a

00:29:23.380 lazy fallback and so um just be careful about that um again i want to remind you guys as we

00:29:29.740 kind of close up here and wrap up hopefully that was helpful for you guys those are awkward and

00:29:34.600 critical questions right yeah um so yeah if you guys are in a marriage and you're trying to

00:29:41.780 strengthen we did a whole module on sex session it's a whole week right a whole week i mean because

00:29:48.100 it's a six-week program and one of the weeks is dedicated just to sexual intimacy in marriage

00:29:53.180 yeah and it was it's just got a lot of good questions and so i think it's module three

00:29:58.240 of the six-week program so again we'd love for you guys to check out ultimate marriage

00:30:02.860 If you guys do the program, don't just fast forward to that.

00:30:04.900 You need to watch the first two as well.

00:30:06.540 You do.

00:30:07.120 Yeah, the first two are critical.

00:30:08.000 They lay the groundwork.

00:30:09.140 They do.

00:30:10.420 The other thing I want to mention is, guys, we are already fully funded for 2019.

00:30:16.960 Praise God.

00:30:17.640 That's so cool.

00:30:18.300 Praise God.

00:30:18.620 Our ministry has, yeah, just the Lord has just blessed the ministry, and you guys have

00:30:23.220 been so faithful.

00:30:24.760 We are already trying to get funding set up for 2020.

00:30:29.980 And so, guys, if our ministry has been helpful, fruitful in your life, by the Lord's grace, would you guys consider to becoming a donor?

00:30:39.840 And you guys can go to relearnchurch.org forward slash donate.

00:30:43.940 You know, we have probably, I don't know, maybe over 100 people that are monthly donors at varying degrees.

00:30:53.460 And guys, $20 a month, that's $5 an episode.

00:30:57.080 If you think that these episodes are worth $5 for your spiritual training and edification, that makes a big difference for us.

00:31:05.980 And so we would really appreciate that if you guys want to become a supporter of our ministry in 2020.

00:31:12.120 It's something to think about.

00:31:14.960 On that note, we are done, right?

00:31:18.560 Yep.

00:31:18.900 Okay.

00:31:19.340 See you guys next week.

00:31:20.160 We'll see you guys next week.

00:31:20.960 Take care.

Dale Partridge - December 18, 2019

Real Christianity #76： 4 Marital Sex Questions Couples Shouldn’t Avoid

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