Dale Partridge - Real Christianity #84： The Bible's Perspective on Singleness

00:00:00.000 Welcome to Real Christianity. Today, we are talking about the Bible's perspective on singleness. 0.93

00:00:07.200 Man, a lot of you guys have requested this episode, and I'm finally going to tackle it.

00:00:14.600 It's an audio-only episode. Again, on some of these higher controversial episodes, I'd like to do them

00:00:21.120 without video because it allows me to look at my notes more often than kind of just

00:00:27.300 winging it off the top of my head here. Veronica is not going to be joining

00:00:31.260 today. She joined the last few episodes and I think it's a topic

00:00:35.400 that I kind of want to tackle theologically and it

00:00:39.080 lends itself to just a solo show. Welcome to

00:00:42.860 Real Christianity. If you're a new listener and if you're a regular listener 0.95

00:00:47.320 we just ask that you would leave a review. Just tap the stars

00:00:50.680 and or write something and if you do write something we will read it

00:00:55.420 And if you don't want to write something, that's fine, too. So we would really appreciate that.

00:01:01.720 And I also wanted to mention real quick our ultimate marriage program. Guys, if you're a married person listening to the singleness episode, it's a great episode for you to understand what's going on in the singleness world.

00:01:12.860 But if you're married and you want to work on having a biblical marriage and you want to figure out what it means to walk in your biblical roles,

00:01:21.060 to be the spiritual leader, to be the helper of your husband, to have a fruitful marriage that your children can look up to,

00:01:30.800 to manage your finances and your sex life and your parenting perspectives and all this stuff, according to the Bible.

00:01:39.140 We do a great program at ultimatemarriage.com, and you can go to that website and join.

00:01:47.620 It's a six-week program.

00:01:49.520 I think it's really well done.

00:01:51.260 We filmed it in our studio.

00:01:53.940 It's got PDF questionnaires for every week.

00:01:59.820 They're called Marriage Challenge Checklists.

00:02:02.860 It's just a great course, and people have written me that it saved their marriage,

00:02:08.120 and they didn't even know that they needed it.

00:02:10.540 And so we'd just appreciate it if you guys wanted to enroll there.

00:02:15.280 It's a great way to support our ministry financially

00:02:17.580 because it's just Ultimate Marriage is a companion ministry to relearn.org.

00:02:22.820 And so it really does help us that way.

00:02:25.980 So if you're not a donor, that's a great way to give.

00:02:29.500 Okay, singleness.

00:02:32.320 Let's talk about it.

00:02:33.560 So this is a pretty urgent topic for the global church. Marriage is on the decline across the board in every country. So this isn't just a United States thing. This is a global thing of singleness that we're experiencing here.

00:02:52.360 And according to General Social Survey, in 1986, 48% of Americans between the age of 18 and 34 were married.

00:03:02.100 So about half of the population between ages 18 and 34 were married.

00:03:06.660 In 2018, the number dropped to 28%.

00:03:10.840 So that's a 20% drop in that total.

00:03:13.600 But basically, it's about half of the marriages have disappeared in the past 30 years in that age bracket right there.

00:03:20.760 In 2004, it was only 39%.

00:03:24.880 And so it's almost as if the internet and social media ushered in singleness.

00:03:31.760 Like there's just a unique correlation between social media growth and singleness growth.

00:03:40.020 And so as of today, 51% of people between 18 to 34 aren't even in a serious relationship.

00:03:46.900 and so the average age of marriage now for men is 30 and for women is now 28 so marriage as you

00:03:58.580 guys know is just completely under attack in the culture and the definition of marriage is being

00:04:03.160 assaulted the purpose and the roles in marriage are being altered you know this is of course

00:04:09.840 affecting people's desire to be married and it also affects the way children are raised

00:04:14.940 and how many children are raised.

00:04:18.420 Now, these marriage stats are, I would say, to be expected in the culture,

00:04:22.920 but the truth is that these stats aren't much different inside the church,

00:04:28.980 and that's the discussion we want to have today.

00:04:32.020 Why? Like, why aren't they much different than the culture?

00:04:35.960 Well, if you walk into a church today,

00:04:37.960 you'll quickly learn that many congregations are more influenced by their culture than the culture

00:04:46.960 is influenced by their congregation. And basically what I'm saying is that the culture influences the

00:04:53.220 church, in most cases, more than the church is influencing the culture. And that's a sad thing.

00:04:59.580 The Church of Jesus Christ is losing ground in the West. Now, you know, God's sovereignty is here,

00:05:07.460 And he's not surprised by it. But the truth is, we're we're we're a weak part of the flock over here in the West in comparison to the people that are being persecuted over in the Middle East, you know, or in Asia.

00:05:25.560 wow, we are afraid to be someone call us a bad name on Facebook if we stand up for a biblical definition of marriage.

00:05:36.680 So we have an issue here.

00:05:38.460 We're being influenced by the culture greatly as a church, and that's why our churches look the way that they do

00:05:43.780 and why we're not really making any headway in protecting the biblical definitions of marriage or, you know, life or pornography.

00:05:54.520 You know, we're not winning these battles. And so there's a reason for this. And you guys know

00:06:02.300 because I'm a church guy in terms of church reforming. The church is designed for the

00:06:07.340 visitor instead of the committed. And it's designed for the seeker instead of the saved. 0.99

00:06:12.100 And we're raising a generation of churchgoers who are really being coddled with cultural

00:06:19.180 approvals and we're not receiving the preaching on you know topics like holy living and we're not

00:06:25.960 receiving the doctrines regarding marriage or family or parenting we're not seeing a lot of

00:06:32.740 that being preached from the pulpit we're not learning how to defend our faith or deepen our

00:06:37.180 faith through uh you know spiritual disciplines in the bible or historic um church disciplines

00:06:43.760 We're stuck in a crowd of inactive spectators that are listening to positive, uplifting messages that make us feel good, but don't actually conform our lives to the Word of God.

00:06:57.000 And basically, the system works really well for people on year one Christianity. 1.00

00:07:04.200 Like for baby Christians, this is a great thing. 0.94

00:07:08.560 But the disenfranchised are the mature, right?

00:07:12.460 The church has spiritual milk on tap, man.

00:07:15.800 We got milk overflowing if you come to America and the West. 0.99

00:07:20.100 You want a watered-down, milky message of day one Christianity? 0.99

00:07:23.720 Man, come to the West. 0.69

00:07:25.500 But the meat, real, doctrinal, heavy, you know, when you read the book of Hebrews,

00:07:32.960 by now you guys should be teachers, but we are going over the basics of the faith.

00:07:36.720 We need to move on from the elementary principles of the gospel.

00:07:38.960 okay um that's not real prevalent here in the west um there's not much meat and adults can't

00:07:49.980 survive on milk only babies can um and so basically you start to wither away and that's

00:07:57.620 why the mature aren't there's there's not many mature in in the west spiritually speaking and

00:08:05.920 it's affecting the entire church. And nobody is really learning how to behave and think and act

00:08:12.360 and speak like a Christian. And this is affecting marriage and singleness. And I'm going to kind of 0.98

00:08:20.160 tile this together here in a minute. And so when you have a church that's confused and watered

00:08:26.720 down and is again so focused on the visitor and not focused on the committed and so focused on

00:08:33.460 the basic parts of the faith and not focus on the heavier doctrine, you get a situation where the

00:08:39.780 church is confused about one of the most basic parts of life, which is human relationships.

00:08:47.860 And we don't know how to talk to the opposite sex. We don't know how to date according to

00:08:56.100 biblical principles. We don't know how to hold sexual boundaries. We don't know how to commit

00:09:03.000 to a person in a relationship that's honorable. We don't know how to sustain a marriage.

00:09:11.460 It's a full-blown mess. And I think about the pastors out there and I go,

00:09:18.380 start preaching the word, start preaching truth, get into Ephesians 5, teach people what it means

00:09:25.980 to be a Christian, teach about God's design for the family, so that we're not a whole bunch of

00:09:31.280 people confused on how to do this stuff. It's ridiculous that we have tens of thousands of

00:09:37.800 Christians who don't know the basic principles of human relationships. It's ridiculous. 1.00

00:09:43.180 And so, luckily, God hasn't left us alone. He hasn't left us alone, and we can trust that his 0.78

00:09:52.200 word does not return void. And so let's talk about singleness and how we can replace the lies that

00:09:59.600 we've learned in the modern culture with the truth from scripture. And for those of you guys

00:10:06.520 that are single and are listening to this, I just want to be clear. I empathize with you. I really

00:10:13.100 do. Even if you do know these truths, sadly, you're living in a culture where most people don't.

00:10:20.280 and we've met several Christian singles who would just be incredible spouses,

00:10:27.020 but they can't seem to find a man or a woman who's willing to commit to a marriage relationship.

00:10:33.100 And it's actually really weird when you walk into a young adult's ministry at a church

00:10:40.760 and you see hundreds of 17 to 24-year-olds all being with each other and nobody's married.

00:10:46.340 and so i'm going to share my perspective on that later in the show but it's it's a weird thing that

00:10:52.460 we got going on in the church right now so today i'm gonna i'm gonna break this show down into three

00:10:59.560 short categories i'm gonna do about five minutes each uh on each of these categories the first

00:11:04.220 category is the reason for singleness the second is the scripture's perspective on singleness

00:11:09.140 And the third is practical tips for finding a spouse.

00:11:14.540 So the reason for singleness.

00:11:19.020 Okay, this is a huge topic.

00:11:20.800 And again, I'm only going to be dedicating a couple minutes to each section.

00:11:24.380 So I'm just going to touch the surface.

00:11:26.220 the surface uh but hopefully it's going to offer some perspective on why i believe um we're having

00:11:35.700 such a huge growth and increase in singleness in the church and additionally again if you're

00:11:43.400 single please don't feel like i'm accusing you of the things that we're discussing um basically i'm

00:11:49.420 using generalization generalizations sorry guys i can't talk today generalizations not specific to

00:11:55.580 every person's situation um and in fact if you're a regular listener to our show and you're dedicated

00:12:02.380 to being a biblical christian the content that i'm about to present likely isn't even going to

00:12:07.580 apply to you in terms of you know you're probably not ignorant to what i'm about to say uh but i'm

00:12:13.620 i do think it's going to be useful still for you and anybody because i think it gives us an

00:12:18.340 understanding of what's really going on okay so the central cause of singleness

00:12:23.420 isn't hard to identify like we don't have to look that hard to figure out why is everybody

00:12:32.800 wanting to be single okay marriage isn't a friend of selfishness okay marriage requires

00:12:40.160 the alternative the opposite of selfishness selflessness right it also requires obligation

00:12:46.780 which is again not friendly to our commitment phobic culture you know we love freedom we love

00:12:53.560 independence autonomy and sure we like words like community and collective and unity but what that

00:13:00.560 really means to most people is hey i'm interested in having community or unity as long as it's on

00:13:06.220 my terms okay it's becoming very rare to find people especially young people who will enter

00:13:13.940 into a relationship on someone else's terms. And that's essential to formulate the commitment and

00:13:21.380 trust that results in a marriage. You got to be willing to enter in on someone else's terms.

00:13:25.500 What do you think parenting is? I'm entering into a relationship oftentimes on my child's terms.

00:13:32.700 And oftentimes I have to go into a relationship with my spouse on her terms. And it's a back and

00:13:38.120 forth. And there is a structure in terms of leadership and authority. And I'm not trying to

00:13:42.420 discredit that. I'm just saying is that it's not all about you, and you've got to be willing to

00:13:47.740 sacrifice and deny yourself for others, and that's not something that's very common today,

00:13:54.040 and I see a lot of singles hide behind phrases like, I need to find myself before I find my

00:14:02.620 spouse. Okay, that's just not a biblical idea. Okay, that's a selfish idea masquerading around

00:14:09.420 as wisdom. Spiritually speaking, you find yourself through Christ and Christ alone. So that's

00:14:16.440 where you find yourself. Now, relationally speaking, you don't find yourself before you

00:14:22.940 find your spouse. You find yourself through your spouse. And if you're married, you know what I

00:14:29.180 mean. In my book, Save from Success, I share a quote that says something along the lines of

00:14:34.340 being married isn't difficult because it's the first time you have to deal with the opposite 1.00

00:14:38.440 it's sex. Marriage is difficult 1.00

00:14:40.380 because it's the first time you have to deal with yourself.

00:14:42.920 So

00:14:43.040 marriage

00:14:46.660 is the place that you get to develop

00:14:48.300 and become the person that you really

00:14:50.420 are because someone's there 1.00

00:14:52.380 shaving off the crap 1.00

00:14:54.340 and the 0.99

00:14:55.640 stuff that you don't, that's not

00:14:58.380 good for you. The selfishness

00:15:00.380 that needs to be removed.

00:15:03.860 So yeah,

00:15:04.560 you want to find yourself? Go get married. 0.76

00:15:06.640 It's a great way to find yourself.

00:15:08.440 You want to find yourself?

00:15:10.500 Seek Christ, and you're going to learn that in doing that,

00:15:15.980 it would also be seeking a spouse in the same way,

00:15:21.040 unless you fall under the exception, which I'll talk about.

00:15:24.000 So in many ways, we have Christian singles that are buying into this kind of self-discovery thing.

00:15:29.840 You know, I need to travel.

00:15:32.760 I need to try out multiple partners before I find out what I like.

00:15:38.440 I need to get myself financially secure first.

00:15:42.200 I need to finish school all before I get married.

00:15:46.500 I, I, I, I, I, right?

00:15:49.240 It's this me culture, right?

00:15:50.520 And again, none of this has to do with biblical wisdom

00:15:53.380 or biblical example or biblical instruction.

00:15:57.640 And so the last piece that I kind of want to add to this section,

00:16:03.140 again, I told you these are short little sections,

00:16:05.200 sits likely in the number two position behind selfish selfishness or a selfish heart

00:16:13.060 in terms of again we're talking about the reason for the singleness epidemic and so this is i think

00:16:20.220 the number two thing is the great sustainer of this chronic singleness thing and we talk about

00:16:29.140 about it a lot on the show and that's pornography. Okay. The enemy has used this against both men

00:16:36.660 and women and, but primarily men, but basically, you know, it allows for singles to have, have a

00:16:45.260 sex life without another person. That's what pornography does. And God has given us a sexual 0.98

00:16:54.900 desire as a driver that is to be pointed toward the union of marriage. But when you take that

00:17:02.660 drive and waste it on yourself, you find that you have far less motivation as a man or a woman

00:17:11.680 to go find a spouse. And so you start thinking, why have a spouse when I can date around and

00:17:18.520 fulfill all my sexual desires from my laptop? Okay, that's what's really going on. You want

00:17:24.560 to know why a bunch of these guys aren't interested in dating you it's because they're going home and 0.98

00:17:28.520 having sex with themselves and uh yeah they're they're they're literally removing the drive 0.75

00:17:37.360 to pursue you as a woman that's what's happening now you add on top of all of this a self-focused 0.96

00:17:46.860 culture the degradation and perversion of manhood the elevation of feminism the celebration of 1.00

00:17:52.940 singleness in extended adolescence. And you create an environment that is violently against

00:17:59.260 a self-denying sacrificial union like marriage. And so in a nutshell, that's my very simple

00:18:06.800 reasoning of why we're dealing with so much singleness in the culture. It's selfishness,

00:18:13.980 me culture is a big one, and pornography is, you know, it's way more complex than this.

00:18:22.100 But this is a big reason, the two big reasons behind it.

00:18:27.700 Okay, now I want to talk about section number two, which is the Scripture's perspective on singleness.

00:18:34.420 Okay, so there's two sections of Scripture that we often turn to when discussing the Bible's perspective on singleness.

00:18:40.980 And so the first is in Genesis 2, and the second is in 1 Corinthians 7.

00:18:45.360 And there are more passages in Scripture about this,

00:18:49.300 but we're not going to talk about that today.

00:18:52.100 I just want to talk about the fundamentals

00:18:53.680 and we'll kind of add some points to this.

00:18:57.620 So I want to look at Genesis 2.18.

00:18:59.380 It says,

00:19:00.260 And the Lord God said,

00:19:01.420 It is not good that man should be alone.

00:19:04.900 I will make him a helper comparable to him.

00:19:08.740 Okay, so first I want to draw your attention to the fact that it's not good.

00:19:14.680 that man should be alone.

00:19:16.540 So God's saying,

00:19:18.100 your aloneness as a man is not good.

00:19:22.140 That's a declaration of truth right there.

00:19:25.300 Second, what's interesting is that Adam wasn't alone.

00:19:29.440 Okay, he was surrounded by the animals

00:19:31.380 and he even had a perfect relationship with God himself.

00:19:35.460 So what that means is that

00:19:38.940 when God speaks about Adam's aloneness,

00:19:41.660 he's actually saying that it's not good

00:19:44.440 that man should be without a wife

00:19:46.560 because he just didn't make another person

00:19:50.600 when he solved this problem.

00:19:54.100 He made Adam a wife 0.65

00:19:55.700 and that solved the aloneness. 0.82

00:19:59.060 And it tells us that a few verses later.

00:20:01.200 It says, therefore, in verse 24 and 25, 0.52

00:20:03.740 therefore a man shall leave his father and mother

00:20:05.320 and be joined to his wife

00:20:06.380 and the two shall become one flesh.

00:20:08.780 And they were both naked,

00:20:10.380 the man and his wife, 0.78

00:20:11.620 and were not ashamed.

00:20:12.460 so catch this also this teaches us that god's desire in a perfect world this is prior to sin

00:20:23.180 entering into the world this is like heaven and earth in one kind of blended together here

00:20:31.600 can in a perfect world uh before sin entered god's desire was that man should not be without

00:20:42.080 a wife so in a perfect situation best case scenario it's not good the man should be alone

00:20:49.440 god makes him a wife and we we know that this has got to be true because without a wife adam

00:20:55.520 couldn't complete the god's mandate to be fruitful multiply right just be him by himself

00:21:00.120 and so a couple of things god made it pretty obvious when um when we are ready for marriage

00:21:08.020 It's called puberty, if you guys haven't heard of it.

00:21:10.580 And historically, people were married between the ages of 15 and 20.

00:21:16.460 Now, think about this for a moment.

00:21:18.320 We have about 5,000 years of documented human history.

00:21:23.400 Everything before that is called prehistoric, right?

00:21:26.540 Prehistory.

00:21:28.340 So out of those 5,000 years, 4,900 of them,

00:21:32.540 people were marrying between those ages of like 15 to 20.

00:21:37.080 And so basically, generations past were intentional about limiting the space between sexual maturity and desire and the ability to properly fulfill that desire.

00:21:48.220 Now, sure, the average life expectancy was shorter and the character maturity was much higher by teen years than it is today.

00:21:56.280 But just because we've extended life doesn't mean that we should and have to extend maturity in marriage.

00:22:06.140 Like, we don't need to be 28 or 30 to get married.

00:22:10.740 So something's happening here.

00:22:12.360 Albert Moeller shares a really good thought on this.

00:22:16.960 And I'll read it to you.

00:22:18.260 His quote is,

00:22:18.780 The vast majority of Christians who have gone before us would surely be shocked by the very need for a case to be made for Christian adults to marry.

00:22:27.760 Our bodies are not evolutionary accidents, and God reveals His intention for humanity through the gifts of sexual maturation, fertility, and sexual desire.

00:22:38.280 As men and women, we are made for marriage.

00:22:41.540 As Christians, those not called to celibacy are called to demonstrate our discipleship through honoring the Creator's intention by directing sexual desire and reproductive capacity into a commitment to marriage.

00:22:53.560 Marriage is the central crucible for accepting and fulfilling the adult responsibilities of work, parenthood, and the full acceptance of maturity.

00:23:03.420 Now, I want you to notice just the one caveat that he makes in this statement, which I agree with.

00:23:10.080 He says, those not called to celibacy.

00:23:12.700 Now, this is the only biblical exemption from a pursuit of marriage as a Christian.

00:23:17.920 And so this leads us to our next passage of Scripture.

00:23:20.400 And this is the passage that everyone in the church turns to as a way to celebrate and justify the singleness stuff.

00:23:29.640 And so let's look at what Paul is saying, and then let's see if it actually holds up to what the culture is saying, or at least how the church is using this passage.

00:23:40.520 So in the verses prior to 7, 7 through 9 in 1 Corinthians 7,

00:23:45.900 Paul's explaining that the reason it's good for a man to have a wife

00:23:49.740 and a wife to have a husband is to guard against sexual immorality.

00:23:54.660 You can go read this in chapter 7 if you want. 0.52

00:23:58.380 And if you're married, he's telling married couples,

00:24:02.120 don't deprive each other of sex unless you both agree upon it for a time

00:24:06.500 for the purpose of fasting and prayer,

00:24:07.840 but be sure that you return back to your normal sex life soon

00:24:11.060 so that the enemy doesn't tempt you.

00:24:12.980 I want you to think about that for a minute.

00:24:14.940 If Paul is concerned about the short gaps between marital sexual encounters,

00:24:19.380 think about how concerned he is about the huge gaps of sexual encounters,

00:24:27.280 encounter with your spouse,

00:24:29.560 and the temptation that comes with it for singles that are like,

00:24:33.660 sexual maturation comes in at 15, 16,

00:24:36.320 And all of a sudden, you're not having a proper way to release that sexual desire, exercise that fertility, until you're 28 or 30.

00:24:48.060 This creates a huge opportunity for the enemy.

00:24:51.660 Temptation ground.

00:24:53.380 Why do you think we got the porn epidemic going on?

00:24:56.500 Okay, so it leads us into our verse in 1 Corinthians 7, 7-9.

00:25:00.420 It says, Paul's writing,

00:25:03.000 For I wish that all men were even as I myself.

00:25:08.580 And, well, okay, let's stop right there for a second.

00:25:11.120 He wishes that all men were like himself.

00:25:13.320 Well, what is Paul?

00:25:14.320 Paul is single, and he's on full-time mission work.

00:25:18.020 Okay, so he wishes that we were single and full-time serving God.

00:25:24.200 But it goes on, it says,

00:25:25.860 But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

00:25:31.360 Okay, Paul's saying, hey, each one of us has our own gift.

00:25:34.540 Paul's saying he has the gift of singleness.

00:25:37.280 He's called basically to be a eunuch for the gospel in this situation.

00:25:41.980 He goes on, he says,

00:25:43.980 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, and this is where everybody uses this passage, 0.99

00:25:49.720 It is good for them if they remain even as I am. 0.92

00:25:55.500 Okay, he's saying, hey, it's good for you.

00:25:59.220 And yes, it is good for you if you're called and you have that gift

00:26:02.380 and you want to be on mission for God full time.

00:26:05.400 But he says the following verse,

00:26:07.700 But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry.

00:26:12.300 For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

00:26:15.100 All right. 0.92

00:26:16.140 If you're single and you have an attraction to the opposite sex 0.92

00:26:22.800 and you can't have complete self-control 0.91

00:26:26.900 with that attraction,

00:26:29.440 you don't have the gift of singleness.

00:26:32.460 I would say if you have an attraction, 0.98

00:26:35.320 the opposite sex, sexually,

00:26:37.040 and it's a kind of a thing that you think of,

00:26:38.820 you look at that guy and you go,

00:26:39.960 ooh, he's got a nice back.

00:26:41.760 Or if you're a guy and you look at a girl, 1.00

00:26:43.700 ooh, she's got a nice butt. 1.00

00:26:44.820 If that's you, 0.99

00:26:45.540 you're not likely having the gift of singleness, okay?

00:26:49.660 Just letting you know.

00:26:50.460 And we know because the previous chapter, Paul says, well, I want to remember this verse that it closes up with.

00:26:58.760 For it's better to marry than to burn with passion. 0.97

00:27:01.100 Well, Paul's not okay with sleeping around, with Christian people sleeping around. 1.00

00:27:08.400 That's not okay. 1.00

00:27:10.740 And we know that because the previous chapter, chapter 6, Paul writes,

00:27:14.440 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?

00:27:18.100 Do not be deceived. 0.96

00:27:20.100 neither fornicators, okay? 0.95

00:27:21.800 So if you're having sex outside of marriage, 1.00

00:27:23.240 you're a fornicator. 0.98

00:27:24.640 Nor idolaters, nor adulterers, 1.00

00:27:28.240 nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 1.00

00:27:29.940 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, 1.00

00:27:31.340 nor revilers, nor extortioners

00:27:32.460 will inherit the kingdom of God. 0.64

00:27:35.680 If you're having sex outside of marriage, 1.00

00:27:39.040 you're a fornicator. 0.99

00:27:40.420 Not that you fornicated 1.00

00:27:41.640 and you've repented and you're done with that,

00:27:44.580 but you're actually continuing to do that.

00:27:46.960 this verse should scare you

00:27:50.080 so much

00:27:51.880 because it says

00:27:53.540 do you not know that the unrighteous

00:27:55.820 will not inherit the kingdom of God

00:27:57.140 do not be deceived

00:27:58.660 neither fornicators and all the things

00:28:01.660 will inherit the kingdom of God 0.90

00:28:03.800 this is a letter written to Christians 0.87

00:28:05.960 so it's not like

00:28:07.060 Paul is writing to the Christians at Corinth 1.00

00:28:09.700 he's letting them know if you're going to be a fornicator 0.99

00:28:12.160 you're not going to inherit the kingdom of God 0.99

00:28:13.960 that should freak you out

00:28:14.960 so first i want to point out that celibacy is a gift it's a gift from god

00:28:21.640 it's the ability to have full self-control over your sexual desires

00:28:27.160 it's a spiritual gift to not have this sexual attraction for the specific purpose why does

00:28:34.520 god give you that gift he gives it to you to focus on full-time ministry to serve him as paul did

00:28:41.080 And this means that if you have a passion, again, for the opposite sex, and you cannot exercise complete self-control, which again, according to Jesus, is even mental self-control.

00:28:53.920 You know, Matthew 5.28 says, but if I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

00:29:02.440 If you can't have that level of self-control, then it's better for you to marry than to burn with lust, is what Paul's saying. 0.98

00:29:11.080 Um, but, but Paul again tells us why he made the statement that it's good for the unmarried 0.53

00:29:18.000 and the widows to remain as he was. 0.90

00:29:20.260 And he says it down in verse 32.

00:29:23.280 He says, but I want you to be without care.

00:29:25.240 I, um, he who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.

00:29:32.920 But he who is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.

00:29:37.440 um i've actually come to understand the heart behind what paul's saying here

00:29:42.260 and i obviously don't have the gift of celibacy but as i grow more deeply in love with the lord

00:29:48.460 i can see how i could be more freely uh or how i can more freely serve the lord

00:29:54.280 if i had been given the gift of celibacy and you know if veronica passed away and our children were

00:30:01.400 older, I would actually seek the Lord's will that I might remain single until death so that I could

00:30:07.920 serve the Lord full-time. I understand what Paul's saying here, but the takeaway about this is this.

00:30:17.080 Paul and God are not at odds with each other. Okay, Paul agrees that it's not good that man be alone,

00:30:24.920 and in the Bible, singleness is a gift or a command for the purpose of full-time ministry.

00:30:30.940 For example, Jeremiah was commanded not to marry.

00:30:34.360 He wasn't commanded to not marry just for the heck of it.

00:30:38.380 He was commanded to not marry because he was going to be in full-time service to the Lord. 0.98

00:30:46.640 Intentional singleness by someone who has a natural desire for the opposite sex, 0.81

00:30:52.980 for the sake of self-indulgence or because of fear or because of the desire for freedom or independence,

00:31:00.240 that's not biblical so if that's you that's not biblical now singleness is by no means sinful

00:31:08.400 and in some cases it's even ordained by god but intentional singleness

00:31:14.480 for people by people who have a desire for the opposite sex for selfish purposes is a heart

00:31:24.060 that chafes against God's design for human relationships 0.58

00:31:27.960 and the multiplication mandate for his redemptive mission.

00:31:35.200 So hopefully that helps break down

00:31:37.340 some of the biblical perspective on singleness

00:31:39.300 and some more context on that passage.

00:31:43.720 Okay, the last section right here will be short.

00:31:46.820 I'm just going to give you a couple of practical tips

00:31:48.620 for finding a godly spouse in a godless world, actually.

00:31:54.060 So it's a difficult thing, and you're going to need to lean on the Lord.

00:31:57.700 So first thing I'm going to say is pray every day that the Lord will bring this person to you.

00:32:04.900 And at the same time, strengthen your relationship with the Lord while you're waiting.

00:32:10.300 And this has got to be a fervent thing.

00:32:12.160 So you've got to be praying every single day.

00:32:13.920 And I know many of you who are single are absolutely doing this.

00:32:17.520 So praise God.

00:32:19.200 The second thing I want you to do is examine if you're willing and ready to commit to another person.

00:32:24.060 Um, um, you know, do you say things like, oh, I'm not interested in a relationship right now.

00:32:28.720 You know, I just want to have fun.

00:32:30.200 You know, I just want to focus on my relationship with Jesus right now.

00:32:35.140 Okay.

00:32:36.020 Again, um, have you guys seen those memes?

00:32:39.040 It's like the old Scooby-Doo memes and it shows, you know, where they capture the people at the end and he's got like a mask.

00:32:45.060 He's got like a bag over his head and it says, um, you know, on, on the bag, it says,

00:32:52.800 i'm not interested in a relationship i just want to focus on jesus and then they pull the bag off

00:32:57.940 his head and it says let's see who this really is and it says oh it's selfishness and so again

00:33:03.700 this idea is hopefully that wasn't a bad joke but you guys actually got the visual meme but

00:33:08.640 basically those kind of statements i just want to focus on my relationship with jesus like

00:33:14.700 there's some truth to it but it's usually just selfishness masquerading as like some sort of

00:33:19.540 wisdom. If you're of the age of marriage, if you have a desire for the opposite sex

00:33:27.820 and you're a Christian, you should always be ready and willing and open to the Lord

00:33:37.380 putting that spouse in your life. If you have fear or whatever's going on, you need to take

00:33:42.840 that to the lord uh number three um are you making margin in your life to meet new people

00:33:50.160 i've seen so many people we're so busy today that a lot of singles just they're they're single

00:33:58.280 because they have no room to date and so i just say you got to leave some margin in your life and

00:34:03.680 i know it's inconvenient you can't be as productive as you want to be but you got to make sure there's

00:34:07.900 some margin so that you're not so busy you can't even entertain a new relationship are you willing

00:34:15.420 to talk to new people men step up your game here so tired of men that are afraid to talk to women

00:34:22.760 guys like stop being boys figure out a way to go up to a woman talk to her get clear ask the

00:34:30.840 right questions. You know, ask for an introduction, go on blind dates, pursue, do these things.

00:34:40.080 You know, the only people that don't do these things are boys. So if you're not doing these

00:34:46.920 things, you're just a boy and you're, yeah, you're not ready to be married. Go be a boy.

00:34:51.580 But if you're a man, you get to do those things. Number five, I'd say be intentional with your

00:34:58.520 dating, I would say get your core questions, your, you know, three or four core questions

00:35:03.180 and your non-negotiables and just be very clear. I don't think if you're going on more than two or

00:35:08.740 three dates without, like you should be able to figure out if they're a fit for marriage

00:35:15.160 within two or three dates, asking the right questions. If they're not a believer, if you're

00:35:21.220 unequally yoked, if you don't have the same vision for children or family, or they don't have, they

00:35:26.080 I don't believe the inerrancy of the word of God or whatever those things are like, just stop.

00:35:31.420 Move on.

00:35:32.620 Don't get caught up in that.

00:35:34.480 I don't care how pretty they are.

00:35:38.060 So be very intentional with your dating.

00:35:41.020 The next thing I'd say is consider trading physical standards for spiritual standards.

00:35:46.940 Beauty is fading.

00:35:48.600 It really is.

00:35:50.300 And physical attraction is important.

00:35:51.580 I really do think it's important, but it's not the most important.

00:35:54.960 Okay.

00:35:55.200 It's not the most important.

00:35:56.080 um i would also say guys if you haven't tried it yet try online dating i've known we actually have

00:36:03.460 several families that we've met in our church who are married and have great marriages and they met

00:36:07.820 online dating um so if you haven't tried it i'm not anti online dating but i just think that it's

00:36:14.220 a great thing to try if i was single for a while i would do it um number eight is this is the last

00:36:22.820 thing. And the number one thing you should be looking for is not just a person who loves God

00:36:30.640 because they can, oh, I love God. Well, what does that really mean? That's an important question to

00:36:34.660 ask. You want to find someone who loves the word of God. And I say that because when you truly love

00:36:42.840 the word of God, you're going to love God too. And if they're committed to scripture and they have a

00:36:51.080 passionate and like uncompromising position on scripture that's a major league good sign

00:36:58.600 and so i just say get clear about that stuff really quick and pray for someone who doesn't

00:37:06.400 just love god because we don't know what that necessarily means but they they love god according

00:37:10.900 to the bible and and there's fruit overflowing in their life and so for those of you guys who

00:37:17.620 are single, yeah, we're praying for you too. Man, we pray for the singles in our community all the

00:37:24.460 time. And so ask for other people to pray for you. Ask for those introductions. Seek the Lord

00:37:30.920 in these moments. And for those that are married, encourage those single people with these truths

00:37:38.260 and help them get married. Set up those awkward dates. They're fun. So hopefully this has been

00:37:46.820 helpful for you guys in understanding

00:37:48.420 the singleness discussion.

00:37:50.540 It's not all of it. It's just some of it.

00:37:52.580 And it's just one perspective.

00:37:54.780 But thanks for joining us on this

00:37:56.700 episode. Again, if you guys

00:37:58.620 would be interested in leaving a review, they are very

00:38:00.720 helpful for increasing the exposure

00:38:02.680 of the show.

00:38:04.540 And on that note, we will see you guys

00:38:06.580 next Wednesday on the

00:38:08.620 Real Christianity Podcast. Take care.

Dale Partridge - February 12, 2020

Real Christianity #84： The Bible's Perspective on Singleness

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript