Dale Partridge - July 18, 2018


Ultimate Marriage #02： The Basics of Biblical Marriage


Episode Stats


Length

36 minutes

Words per minute

187.53058

Word count

6,899

Sentence count

371

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

28

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today, we're going to be talking about the Bible's definition of marriage.
00:00:15.120 Hey guys, welcome to this episode. This is episode number two of Ultimate Marriage.
00:00:20.620 And if you are watching on YouTube, make sure that you subscribe to the channel.
00:00:24.680 We're really trying to put out lots of great content for marriages on YouTube.
00:00:28.960 And if you're listening on iTunes, please be willing to leave a review if you liked the show
00:00:36.240 today. And just want to just make it clear that this is a podcast, but you can watch it on video.
00:00:41.540 And if you're watching on video, it is a podcast that you can listen to. So today we're going to
00:00:46.340 be talking all about Veronica. I'm kidding. We're not going to be talking about Veronica. She'll
00:00:50.740 be talking now. So we're going to be talking about the difference between the culture's
00:00:56.880 definition of marriage versus the Bible's definition of marriage. And sadly, right now,
00:01:03.300 the culture influences the church more than the church is influencing the culture.
00:01:10.640 Yeah, today's culture is so influenced by social media, magazines, books.
00:01:16.960 Netflix, movies.
00:01:18.100 Yeah, whatever you see out there. And unfortunately, that just kind of sets up
00:01:21.540 unrealistic expectations.
00:01:23.620 Yeah, and it also sets up just the wrong expectations, right?
00:01:26.280 So we have just these expectations that what marriage should look like.
00:01:30.360 We base our definitions of what marriage should be like based off of our Instagram feeds or that person's marriage or what it looks like in the movies.
00:01:40.040 And again, culture influences the church more than the church influences the culture.
00:01:44.160 And that is a problem.
00:01:45.860 So as Christians, we have to remember that the culture has nothing to teach us as Christians about marriage.
00:01:54.060 There is only one place that we should be seeking advice on marriage,
00:01:58.160 and that is the scriptures, that is other Christians that have the Holy Spirit,
00:02:02.200 that are using the wisdom of the Lord.
00:02:04.920 And remember, our goal here is to teach you how to have a normal Christian marriage.
00:02:11.240 And do we have a normal Christian marriage?
00:02:12.440 I think we have a normal Christian marriage, but for those who are listening or watching this video,
00:02:16.200 can you explain what that means?
00:02:17.260 Because to us, yeah, we say a normal Christian marriage,
00:02:19.460 but to the culture, when you say we have a normal Christian marriage,
00:02:22.940 you're going to be like, what? Well, the stats say 50% of Christian marriages are failing.
00:02:26.620 So can you explain what that means? Yeah. So the idea is a normal Christian marriage,
00:02:31.460 just because something is common doesn't mean it's normal. And what tells us it's normal? 1.00
00:02:37.440 Yeah. So the Bible tells us what's normal. And we know that there are common Christian marriages
00:02:42.640 and the common Christian marriage are what Veronica was talking about. This is 50% divorce rate.
00:02:48.260 You know, this is 55% of men looking at pornography on a weekly basis.
00:02:52.360 This is 34% of women looking at pornography on a weekly basis. 0.66
00:02:55.440 This is disobedient children and men and women not walking in their roles, their biblical 0.85
00:03:00.920 roles. 1.00
00:03:01.420 That is a common marriage.
00:03:03.640 Veronica and I do not have a common marriage.
00:03:06.020 We have a normal marriage.
00:03:07.580 We have a normal Christian marriage.
00:03:09.460 And what does the Bible or how do we determine what is normal?
00:03:12.940 It's what the Bible tells us that makes a normal Christian marriage.
00:03:18.060 So do we follow the Bible?
00:03:20.360 I believe so.
00:03:21.060 Yeah, we work really hard to make sure that we're doing that.
00:03:24.900 So let's talk about it.
00:03:26.440 What does the culture actually say about marriage?
00:03:29.720 I'm just going to read you guys real quick.
00:03:31.640 There's an amendment to the Marriage Equality Act here in the United States
00:03:35.560 that's currently in legislation, and the amendment reads this.
00:03:40.580 It says, quote,
00:03:41.340 The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied by the United States or any state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, and or number of participants.
00:04:00.340 So, what's it saying?
00:04:02.480 It's basically saying you can do whatever you want.
00:04:05.220 Yeah, so this is marriage can be whatever you want it to be.
00:04:10.000 and that is a real problem and the the idea is that I want to explain some of
00:04:15.760 those words real quick okay consanguinity I had to look this one
00:04:18.880 up it means that you can marry your brother or sister your sibling okay this
00:04:23.140 is very gross stuff it means number of participants that's talking about
00:04:27.460 polygamy we all we already know that you know sexual orientation is up for grabs 0.54
00:04:32.680 today it's kind of you know base it off whatever you want to base it off and at
00:04:37.600 At best, it's a contract.
00:04:39.320 At the very best, the culture's definition of marriage is a contract.
00:04:45.180 And it can be broken if you're dissatisfied.
00:04:49.880 There is no covenant.
00:04:51.300 There is no vows.
00:04:52.400 It's kind of like a lease.
00:04:53.580 It's kind of like a lease.
00:04:55.320 Explain that some more.
00:04:56.980 Like if you want a car.
00:04:59.340 You lease this car until you don't want it anymore.
00:05:01.860 Until you don't want it anymore.
00:05:02.520 Until you're ready for a new one.
00:05:03.380 Yeah, and so this is exactly what's happening in marriage.
00:05:06.500 there is no vows there is no covenant it's a contract at best and the moment you're you're
00:05:12.820 dissatisfied it's time to go and my heart breaks for these couples that we've seen that try to
00:05:21.320 navigate marriage without the bible um and it's just it's just difficult um yeah it's like we've
00:05:30.960 seen these couples and they're just arguing and arguing and it's almost as if whoever can get the
00:05:34.820 loudest or whoever get the most emotional that i mean that's how they win their argument yeah it's
00:05:39.920 it's it's based off of whoever whoever's emotional argument wins yeah and it's a it's a difficult
00:05:46.780 thing based off of feelings based off of feelings yeah and so like what do you do in a marriage
00:05:52.000 that has doesn't have the bible as a foundation like what do you who do you turn to yeah whatever
00:05:58.600 culture says whatever like the books the newest book yeah tony robbins you know uh yeah so whatever
00:06:06.400 doctor has the newest trend on how marriage should be done um and it's just a sad thing because
00:06:11.700 there's nothing more difficult in a marriage than two people playing by two different sets of rules
00:06:17.520 and this is why it's so critical that as christian couples we are yielded to the scriptures
00:06:23.680 that we are actually both letting the Bible be our playbook.
00:06:28.480 And, you know, rules bring order.
00:06:33.300 Like something absent of rules, what does that bring?
00:06:36.320 Well, if you have no rules for children, for toddlers,
00:06:39.220 of course, children want their, I mean,
00:06:41.740 they want to do whatever their flesh desires. 0.79
00:06:44.060 They want to take that toy. 0.94
00:06:45.340 They want to eat the snack.
00:06:46.240 If there's no rules, there's just chaos.
00:06:48.800 Yeah, exactly.
00:06:49.860 And so in a game, okay, the rules,
00:06:53.120 what the rules do for a game is it gives you a clear path to how to win. And that's what the
00:06:59.100 rules do. It gives you a clear path on how to win. When you don't have clear rules in a marriage,
00:07:03.920 gosh, what a nightmare that'll be. Let's just say that I said, hey, we're going to go play
00:07:08.240 baseball and I want you on my team and I want you on my team. And the only rule is that there's no
00:07:12.740 rules. What a dumb game that would be, right? There'd be no fun. What if I went into a city 0.98
00:07:18.900 And I said, okay, look, half of the drivers, you get to interpret what red, green, and yellow mean.
00:07:25.340 And then the other half of the drivers, you guys, okay, red means stop, green means go, yellow means slow.
00:07:30.560 Now, why don't you guys go start driving and see what happens?
00:07:34.020 It creates chaos. 1.00
00:07:35.480 And this is how many marriages are operating off the culture's definitions, constantly changing with their emotions. 0.79
00:07:41.500 So now we're going to switch over.
00:07:43.680 So we just talked about what the culture says about marriage.
00:07:46.980 Now we're going to talk about what the Bible says about marriage.
00:07:52.480 And we're going to talk about the how we're going to talk about or sorry, we're not going to talk about the how we're going to talk about the what.
00:07:57.840 So the how is where you can find it in First Peter 3, Ephesians 5, First Corinthians 7.
00:08:02.480 But today we're going to be talking about the what.
00:08:04.320 And that's found kind of in Genesis, the basics, the origin of marriage.
00:08:09.260 Yeah, exactly. We're going to hit just the basics, the origin of marriage.
00:08:12.480 We're not going to be talking about this whole podcast will be about the how.
00:08:16.460 There's going to even be some how in here today, but the reality is I want to go back to Genesis and talk about what the basics of marriage is.
00:08:24.920 So we're going to actually, we're actually not going to go to Genesis.
00:08:27.400 We're going to go to Jesus who quotes Genesis.
00:08:29.400 So it's just kind of doubling down with some Jesus here.
00:08:32.020 So in Matthew 19, 4 through 6, it says,
00:08:36.260 He answered,
00:08:37.300 Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? 0.77
00:08:43.660 And said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife,
00:08:48.940 and the two shall become one flesh.
00:08:51.440 So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
00:08:54.420 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
00:08:59.320 Okay.
00:09:00.840 There's a lot right there.
00:09:02.000 This is probably one of the most critical pieces of scripture in the Bible, in terms of Genesis and in the New Testament, around marriage.
00:09:11.520 And so we're going to break this down.
00:09:13.460 We're going to break down exactly what this means.
00:09:16.200 So let's just break it.
00:09:17.020 I broke it down into four sections, and we're going to try to go through all four of them and keep on our timeline. 0.69
00:09:24.340 So the first step is, a man shall leave his father and his mother. 0.72
00:09:29.700 Okay, that is the first thing. 0.74
00:09:30.860 it says right there just note this men if you're single uh therefore a man shall leave his father
00:09:36.820 and his mother so step one boom has to leave now what do you what are you seeing babe are young men 0.78
00:09:42.580 leaving no absolutely not they're you know trying to i guess mooch off their parents as long as they
00:09:49.180 can a lot of them i heard a stat a few years ago that said the average age of a man leaving his
00:09:54.560 home is 28 years old crazy that's yeah that's down that was set like probably
00:10:00.200 four or five years ago that I heard that stat that was insane to me yeah and
00:10:04.040 that what like this is in Italy they call this Peter Pan syndrome Peter Pan
00:10:08.660 syndrome it's the idea that you you don't ever want to grow up you're
00:10:11.380 extending your boyhood yeah it's exactly the word is you're extending your boy
00:10:15.240 head and you know 200 years ago when would someone become a man yeah 15 15
00:10:23.840 right? Now we're in this state where it's like you're an adolescent. There's this weird word
00:10:30.020 called adolescent that we've created where you're not a boy, but you're not a man. No, I think that
00:10:34.900 the Bible is clear. You go from boyhood to manhood. And I want to give you guys an example here real
00:10:41.000 quick. There's a movie called Master and Commander. I think Russell Crowe or yeah, Russell Crowe, I
00:10:46.100 think is a guy that's in it. I think so. You guys can correct me later. This is a battle between
00:10:51.140 Britain and France. And it's based off of a true story and off of a real battle. And the guy that
00:10:57.320 was leading up the charge, I think from Britain, all over to the French ships in real life is 16.
00:11:04.980 Okay, this is what 16-year-old men were doing a few hundred years ago. Now we are extending boyhood
00:11:11.680 so that we cannot prepare ourselves for marriage. So when you're looking for, like as a woman, 0.92
00:11:20.600 when you're looking for a man what are you looking for uh in a single man based off of
00:11:25.820 this scripture i'm looking for you if you were single if i was single um yeah i would be looking
00:11:33.860 for a man that could provide for our family that would make myself feel secure um that could lead
00:11:43.100 me spiritually and and and someone that's not necessarily having all of his bills paid
00:11:49.320 by mom by mom and dad no yeah that would make me not feel secure like okay if your parents are
00:11:55.900 still paying for your bills how are you supposed to take care of a wife yeah or a family in addition
00:12:00.440 so this is a huge thing is that men just because your parents will uh or just because you can get
00:12:07.560 free netflix money doesn't mean you should get free netflix money break off the tie you know
00:12:15.820 just become, that's the first step. You want to get married. Um, and, and you married couples
00:12:21.020 that are mooching off of your parents, not like seeking help in emergencies, but mooching off 0.63
00:12:25.000 your parents. The first step is therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother. 0.95
00:12:30.080 And then let's go to the next step right here. Hold fast. This is the second step and to hold 0.99
00:12:35.160 fast and to his wife, to be joined together with his wife. Um, this is a declaration.
00:12:41.680 when you get married this your wedding vows and your wedding day is a bold declaration
00:12:48.040 to the to everybody that's in your life that they are now on the outside looking in on this unit
00:12:54.980 right and that doesn't mean isolation there's a healthy version of community but it basically
00:13:00.260 just means prioritization this person who i am now um committing myself to is now my main priority
00:13:07.940 compared to like compared to your friends and family who were before yeah like the day before
00:13:13.580 you could even say that like your your your uh your mother and your father your siblings or your
00:13:19.020 best friend had some sort of priority you know they could have been maybe even the most important
00:13:23.740 person in your life and they and they're still important yes but your husband or your wife now
00:13:28.840 takes that place of number one yeah and this next to god obviously yeah next to god yeah and this
00:13:34.400 this also means that if somebody at this point, and I'm talking to you men specifically, if
00:13:41.140 somebody insults your wife or talks down about them or makes a joke about them or talks poorly
00:13:47.980 about them, they're not just making jokes about them. They're making jokes about you because
00:13:54.040 you've joined together. Hold fast to your wife. This is a concept of oneness that we're getting
00:13:58.180 to in the next part of part three here, but you are unified. You're holding fast to your wife.
00:14:03.680 An insult to your wife is an insult to you and you should not allow it.
00:14:08.680 And I've seen, we've seen lots of families deal with this.
00:14:11.460 Yeah.
00:14:11.620 It's your, your duty to protect that.
00:14:13.880 Yeah.
00:14:14.260 And say, and vice versa.
00:14:16.200 Yeah.
00:14:16.620 Veronica is actually, we've had stories of this before is that having friends or, or,
00:14:22.100 or past family just mentioned something that's maybe a little discouraging about, about
00:14:26.360 or divisive and you need to protect against that.
00:14:29.860 That is your job, men and women, to make sure that an insult against your spouse is an insult
00:14:35.340 against you. And so you're holding fast to your wife. Again, this is also an act of the men.
00:14:40.720 So the man is to leave first. Okay. So one, that's an act of leadership. It shows that he is the
00:14:46.540 initiator and then he should go hold fast to his wife. This is why we don't have women chasing 1.00
00:14:52.120 after men, at least doctrinally. And there's actually lots more scripture that we can talk
00:14:57.340 about that in another episode, but just notice that the male is taking the leadership in this
00:15:02.600 process. Number three, it says, and I will just read the scripture again, therefore a man shall
00:15:09.420 leave his father and mother, number one, and hold fast to his wife, number two, and the two shall
00:15:13.580 become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. This is number three. And so this is
00:15:20.400 talking about unification on everything, friends, relationships, dreams, assets, like all these
00:15:26.580 things were unified together and I don't know like it this is this is the process
00:15:31.540 of like you know killing off your independence and you're no longer a
00:15:37.320 single entity yeah and that's a process to do I mean how was that for our
00:15:40.860 marriage that was really challenging I mean how how was it when I kind of kept
00:15:47.900 my singleness and I didn't really have the kind of one flesh idea with you what
00:15:52.620 in our early marriage. It was really hard. It made me feel like I was, I was not a priority.
00:15:58.160 Yeah. And like, I remember like just coming home and like, just like acting like I was single
00:16:03.040 still. Oh yeah. I would come home from work and you'd have all of these guys in our apartment
00:16:07.280 hanging out and then I'd be like, okay. And then the next night it would happen again. And then
00:16:11.380 the next night it would happen again. Like we're newlyweds. Why are these guys in our apartment
00:16:15.340 at 11 o'clock at night? Yeah. And I just, I, I was acting single and not like one flesh.
00:16:21.800 I was exercising my individualism.
00:16:25.700 And I had my own flaws too, just not in that area.
00:16:28.220 I'm the introvert, he's the extrovert.
00:16:30.520 And so, yeah, so we are unified.
00:16:33.840 We're one flesh in our dreams.
00:16:35.440 We're one flesh in our goals.
00:16:38.220 We're one flesh in our relationships.
00:16:40.180 We're one flesh in our finances.
00:16:42.180 We're even one flesh in our bodies.
00:16:45.500 And I don't know, babe, you want to read the scripture right here?
00:16:48.680 1 Corinthians 7, 3 through 4.
00:16:50.220 Yeah, it says,
00:16:50.820 let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her and likewise also the wife to her 0.84
00:16:56.120 husband the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise 0.75
00:17:00.860 the husband does not have authority over his body but the wife does okay this is an incredibly
00:17:05.540 popular scripture no this is this is a very unpopular scripture but again are we going to
00:17:11.040 do the smorgasbord approach to the scriptures where we go you know what i'm going to yield to
00:17:14.380 that because i like it but those other things that were there that i don't like i'm actually
00:17:17.900 not going to get any of that. Not if you want to have a biblical marriage. Yeah. You have to be 0.92
00:17:21.480 able to yield to scriptures that you don't like or understand. Because, you know, God says that
00:17:28.380 as high as the heavens are above the earth, my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts
00:17:31.920 are higher than your thoughts. We have to remember that. And so the idea here is that, yeah, we're
00:17:39.120 not roommates. We are one body. And it's talking physically that, yeah, Veronica and I, her body
00:17:46.280 is my body and my body is her body. That's how much oneness the scriptures talk about in terms
00:17:54.160 of, we are no longer two, but one flesh. And, um, yeah, there's a quote in your book that says
00:18:01.700 marriage isn't hard. Sorry. Marriage is, I keep losing my spot. Marriage isn't hard because it's
00:18:08.100 the first time you have to deal with the opposite sex. Marriage is hard because it's the first time 1.00
00:18:11.960 that you have to deal with yourself. Yeah. This is oneness is hard. And I remember when we first
00:18:17.800 got married. Yeah. It's not hard because I have a woman living in my house. Like we think that's
00:18:24.300 why it's hard. Oh my gosh. This is a woman that she lives in my house and she's never going away.
00:18:28.220 And he never puts the cap on the toothpaste. I don't. This is like 10 years in. You never
00:18:32.940 closed cabinets. You do now. I do now. I do close cabinets now. But this is,
00:18:38.360 is that it's the first time we have to deal with ourself there's somebody else in the house that's
00:18:44.280 reminding you of your flaws and there's a quote um i think it's gary chapman um anyways he says
00:18:51.640 marriage isn't designed to make you happy it's designed to make you holy and that is the process
00:18:56.780 of sanctification when you get married it helps you it sanctifies you it's that process so um
00:19:02.180 uh yeah so is having separate bank accounts uh separate political views and separate dreams
00:19:07.600 having one flesh no no and we've seen so many couples do this guys uh if like there's always
00:19:15.820 a good reason to not be obedient to the scriptures but um one flesh two bank accounts where you guys
00:19:21.500 have your own money and you guys get your own balances and your own thing like it's just you
00:19:26.000 know our goal should be to unify always uh i mean how's that been for you babe like just in terms of
00:19:32.680 the journey of of trying to unify in your brain what are you doing to keep yourself there i think
00:19:37.460 it's just constant it's like it's sanctification constantly killing off your flesh putting your
00:19:42.960 spouse before yourself um if you want to be unified and you want to have a healthy biblical
00:19:48.160 marriage it's it's sacrifice it's a sacrificial love i love my husband and although i may not be
00:19:55.040 a physical touch person that is dale's number one love language so i have to become fluent in his
00:20:00.060 love language because that's what fills your tank that's what makes you feel love so if that's
00:20:04.420 squeezing your shoulders rubbing your back holding your hand whatever it is or having sex or that
00:20:12.980 me feeling your love tank you you you're gonna yeah you're gonna feel so loved and you're gonna
00:20:19.460 want to actually care for me exactly it's reciprocation love not because they did
00:20:24.180 something that it's not like i'll do it if you do it it's regardless it's regardless yeah we're
00:20:28.740 we're yielding regardless. I'm an acts of service person. So if I'm rubbing Dale's back all day
00:20:34.220 and he doesn't do an act of service for me, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I still
00:20:40.300 get to rub his back and I still get to love him. Because we're one. Because we're one. And that's
00:20:45.940 the reality, people, is that because you're one, whatever you do to your wife, you do to you.
00:20:49.940 You are on the same team. Same team. Same team. And I want to give you a scripture real quick to
00:20:54.400 kind of, you know, really back up this idea of oneness and how important it is. It's John chapter
00:20:59.420 17 verses 20 through 21. It says, this is Jesus. So to give you some context, John chapter 17 is
00:21:04.480 called the high priestly prayer. And in John chapter 17, he talks about the unity of the
00:21:09.460 apostles. He also talks about the unity of the church. And so he actually specifically prays for
00:21:14.420 you and I, if you're a Christian, he prays for you and I in this verse right here. And one of the
00:21:19.240 first things he says is, I do not ask for these only, these meaning that the apostles, he was
00:21:23.920 just praying for the apostles. He says, but also for those who will believe in me through their
00:21:28.800 word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they may be
00:21:35.880 one in us, so that the world may believe that you sent me. Okay, big stuff right here. What this is
00:21:44.180 saying is that our unity in our marriages, in the church, in whatever Christian context, our unity
00:21:52.720 is the evidence by which the world will believe that God sent Jesus.
00:21:58.220 So when we are divided in our marriages, it's a big deal.
00:22:04.200 I mean, yeah. 1.00
00:22:05.360 Yeah, I mean, a Christian divorce these days, 0.96
00:22:07.660 if you are a Christian and you get divorced,
00:22:10.400 it basically screams what we believe isn't true.
00:22:14.360 Yeah, yeah.
00:22:14.840 The gospel is wrong.
00:22:16.760 What we believe is not true. 0.71
00:22:18.620 When two Christians get into a debate and go to court in front of a secular, you know, court or secular judge, it screams to the judge that what you believe isn't true.
00:22:31.320 Yeah, when people get divorced, denominations, I mean, we can talk about this at another time, but denominations to the outside world are evidence that God did not send Jesus.
00:22:42.760 We don't believe it because we can't even unify around these certain things.
00:22:45.560 So unity, oneness is so important, not just in the church, but also in our marriages.
00:22:50.520 So that was point number three.
00:22:52.540 So we're going to do point number four, and then we're going to answer two questions because every episode we're going to try to do two to three questions.
00:22:57.980 But this session is a little long, so we'll go with just two questions today.
00:23:01.900 Point number four is at the end of that verse, again, Matthew 19, 4 through 6, the end of that verse says,
00:23:08.540 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
00:23:12.940 and um he's talking about a physical man he's he's he's talking about uh you know an actual
00:23:22.120 person not necessarily the adulterer that will break up your marriage sure you can maybe apply
00:23:26.500 it to that but he's talking about a physical man i'll tell you why that's true so that scripture
00:23:30.980 that we just covered the four points i started in verse four we're going to go back up to verse
00:23:35.800 three real quick and i'm going to read that to you and it says in matthew 19 3 it says and
00:23:41.540 Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any causes?
00:23:48.560 And then he responds with the scripture we studied. Have you not read that he who created 0.93
00:23:54.040 them from the beginning made them male and female and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father
00:23:57.340 and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer
00:24:01.460 two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. And so what he's
00:24:08.540 saying here is don't let any man give you a certificate of divorce it's in the context of
00:24:15.480 divorce when it's saying that the man let no man separate it was a man who actually wrote a
00:24:20.560 certificate of divorce and jesus gives a command to christian couples to not let that happen
00:24:26.900 so today's day would be like an attorney yes exactly like today's day would be an attorney
00:24:33.800 And so what God has joined together, let no man separate.
00:24:37.440 God has made us one and let no man separate.
00:24:41.260 And so a couple of things that I'll just hammer out before we get into these questions.
00:24:44.680 And again, this is a little heavier on the teaching side.
00:24:46.460 So I'm going to do a little bit more talking today.
00:24:47.800 But so your marriage is a physical representation of Christ and his bride.
00:24:53.200 It is a walking, talking, breathing representation of Christ and his bride.
00:24:58.660 That's what the marriage, like the Christian marriage is to the world.
00:25:02.240 They see the unity.
00:25:03.420 Yeah, and when you walk that way, it actually, it does attract people.
00:25:06.920 It does.
00:25:07.720 It attracts people to, what are you guys doing differently?
00:25:10.760 Yeah, how are you guys so happy?
00:25:12.440 How do you have a healthy marriage?
00:25:13.840 How do you have a strong, healthy marriage when you've got three little kids at home?
00:25:16.840 Yes, and yeah, how do you have this good perspective on kids?
00:25:20.720 And yeah, exactly, what's the joy?
00:25:22.300 There's actually a verse in, I think it's 1 Peter.
00:25:25.360 It says, be prepared always to give an answer for the hope that is in you.
00:25:29.980 And yeah, people come up to us and go, oh my gosh, your kids are so great.
00:25:32.680 oh my gosh, yeah, how do you guys do this?
00:25:34.300 And this is why we have so many people
00:25:35.420 following us on social media.
00:25:37.520 And it's because they see our marriage.
00:25:39.600 And so it can be a light.
00:25:41.640 This is the walking, talking, breathing gospel.
00:25:44.920 The Bible, if you guys haven't realized, is a wedding.
00:25:48.800 If you read the Bible cover to cover,
00:25:50.720 Veronica's reading it right now, where are you at?
00:25:52.660 I'm in, or I actually just finished Nehemiah this morning.
00:25:55.740 Nice.
00:25:56.200 So what's the next book?
00:25:58.280 Esther?
00:25:59.040 Esther, yes.
00:25:59.800 So I'll be starting Esther.
00:26:01.160 and I'm also in
00:26:03.100 John. Okay.
00:26:05.020 Is it Nehemiah, Esther?
00:26:06.800 Esther and Acts is where I am. Okay, so
00:26:09.080 we are crushing through. We need to get
00:26:11.300 our Bible geography memorized there.
00:26:13.560 That's hard on the spot. We used to have memorized.
00:26:15.300 Yeah. There's been times that I've
00:26:17.300 memorized the entire, all 66 books.
00:26:20.300 But yeah, when you read
00:26:21.320 the Bible cover to cover, you'll see
00:26:22.920 that it's actually about a wedding.
00:26:25.660 The whole thing is about a father
00:26:27.360 who has a son
00:26:28.860 who gives his life up for his bride
00:26:31.720 and he's coming back to rescue her
00:26:34.160 at the end of the Bible.
00:26:35.860 And that's the book of Revelation.
00:26:37.300 He's coming back for his bride.
00:26:39.160 And so this is a huge deal.
00:26:41.620 And so if marriages in the Christian church
00:26:44.420 return void, 0.89
00:26:46.280 then why should the world believe
00:26:48.040 that Christ is going to come back
00:26:49.840 to marry his bride?
00:26:51.720 Okay, I'm going to say that again. 0.96
00:26:52.700 If Christian marriages all turn void, 0.99
00:26:56.620 like they just, they fall apart, 0.98
00:26:58.760 the divorce, they're not beautiful. And that's our understanding of what a marriage is to be.
00:27:03.840 Then why is the world going to believe this Bible that talks about this husband that's going to
00:27:09.000 come back for his bride? You know, like the Chris Tomlin song, like a bride waiting for his groom,
00:27:14.420 we'll be a bride waiting for you. I mean, this is an important message. We need to understand
00:27:20.620 that we are the representation of Christ and his church. So moving on to questions. That was the
00:27:27.760 meet. We're going to try to do 10 to 15 minutes and then move into some questions every podcast.
00:27:32.280 I'll let Veronica ask or read the questions and go off these things. Yeah. So we got a lot of 0.92
00:27:37.880 questions, but two of them that we will answer today are some of the most common questions that
00:27:42.900 we get. Number one is as a wife, how can I help my husband become the spiritual leader of our home?
00:27:49.560 I'm letting you go for it. Oh, all right. Well, I'd say lead from behind. Do not dominate your
00:27:57.080 husband do not rule over your husband because there's nothing that kills a man's desire to
00:28:03.240 lead faster than feeling um i don't know what's the word like um yeah like i don't know i don't
00:28:11.800 want to say oppressed almost though yeah oppressed yeah i mean we see this a lot it discourages him
00:28:18.860 discourages yeah when a woman leads a man it can discourage a man and it's you know there's lots
00:28:24.900 to extrovert women and introvert men and that's generally kind of the case that you see where a 1.00
00:28:30.340 woman does this and she just she actually wants her husband to lead right um but but she just
00:28:36.740 doesn't know how to get him there and this so i like the veronica's term of leading from behind
00:28:42.620 is a really important thing so there's a couple scriptures one i want to say go ahead i was saying
00:28:47.720 leading from behind that means approaching your husband daily ask him a question about the bible
00:28:51.860 ask him hey I just read the scripture I just read this passage I kind of I'm
00:28:55.880 confused I don't really know what that means can you explain it to me that's
00:28:59.540 like such a that just shows your husband such a reverence and respect for him
00:29:03.680 that and it's in a man's innate desire to want to have the answers yes and want
00:29:10.100 to lead and so yeah Veronica's saying is that be strategic and prompt your
00:29:14.540 husband you can lead get him to lead by prompting your husband to do that and
00:29:19.860 This is a very common need.
00:29:21.180 And so if you're already struggling with just having a complementarian marriage versus an egalitarian marriage,
00:29:26.780 I want to tell you, go read 1 Corinthians chapter 11 where it says that God is the head of man,
00:29:31.500 or God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of man, and man is the head of woman.
00:29:34.620 Now, it's not talking about lording authority over.
00:29:38.100 No.
00:29:38.560 It's talking about derived authority, meaning that, you know, the only authority that Christ has is from God the Father.
00:29:45.280 The only authority that man has is from Christ.
00:29:48.520 and that that derived authority comes down into the marriage um and so uh the authority that i
00:29:55.700 have over veronica isn't because of me it's because of god equal value different role equal
00:30:01.340 values different roles yeah and um and then ephesians 5 husband love your wives as christ
00:30:07.060 loved the church and gave himself up for her you know wives submit to your own husbands as to the
00:30:12.080 lord there is order if you want to try to do uh theological gymnastics to get around it then go
00:30:17.800 for it but i'm telling you right now that that you're going to have to do a lot of movement to
00:30:21.880 try to to back away from the structure yeah it's pretty clear it's very clear yeah and then so
00:30:26.240 first corinthians 14 says um wives if you have a question about the scriptures uh at church
00:30:33.960 specifically is what it's talking about go home and ask your own husbands um yeah so i'm not going
00:30:40.540 to go ask when when you're sitting right there with me i'm not going to go up and ask the pastor
00:30:45.540 I'm not going to go to YouTube.
00:30:48.160 I'm not going to Google the answer.
00:30:49.840 I'm going to go to you and ask you.
00:30:51.240 Yeah.
00:30:51.360 And this is an opportunity every time as a married couple to, to again, affirm your husband
00:30:57.820 as a wife and to awaken a dormant husband because.
00:31:04.040 And what if you don't have the answer?
00:31:05.500 Yeah.
00:31:05.740 If I don't have the answer, what do I do?
00:31:08.140 I can either not give it to her and just shun it, which some men will for a while.
00:31:13.700 But what I do do when I don't have the answer is I go find it.
00:31:17.040 And so.
00:31:17.820 And it's happened before.
00:31:18.920 Rarely.
00:31:19.320 You usually almost always have the answer.
00:31:21.780 But I think it's happened maybe twice on a rare occasion where I've asked you something.
00:31:26.180 You're like, I don't know.
00:31:27.000 Let me look into that and I'll get back to you.
00:31:28.880 Yeah.
00:31:29.120 And I'll get back to you.
00:31:29.740 And it pushes me towards the scripture. 0.93
00:31:31.880 So ladies, if you want your husband to start leading, give him a reason to go to the Bible.
00:31:37.140 And you actually study it, too.
00:31:39.020 It's not like you just read this and you're like, oh, I think it means this.
00:31:41.620 Like you study it.
00:31:42.480 you look into it, um, and you come up with a pretty solid answer. Yeah. And that's,
00:31:47.220 that's just a responsibility of the husband right there. Um, so again, yeah, that's,
00:31:51.540 that's the way you do that. So go ahead. Question number two.
00:31:55.360 How do you diffuse an argument in your marriage? Talking about us. Um, yeah, so I'm going to like,
00:32:02.460 actually, I'm just like, cause I think you're, you're, you're good at this stuff. I mean, I,
00:32:06.060 I'm, I'm a better, I'm going to just be honest here. I'm the less intense one. Um, well,
00:32:12.200 in different ways in different ways like i'm the one when it comes to like arguments i'm the more
00:32:16.020 intense one yeah but we don't we don't argue we don't argue that much anymore guys we used to
00:32:20.660 argue we used to yell at each other i used to like leave i'd like grab the keys and slam the door and
00:32:26.640 take off and not tell them where i was and not answer my phone and it was horrible i literally
00:32:31.000 once found her because i used the um like apple find your iphone function like when it first came
00:32:36.400 mountain like five six years ago okay anyways yeah we don't have arguments we have discussions
00:32:42.400 um so if there's something pressing a pressing issue that i feel needs to be addressed i'll
00:32:50.640 actually bring it up to dale earlier in the day where i know now it's not the time to talk about
00:32:55.200 it the kids are running around they're playing i'm i'm in mom mode you're working um but if
00:32:59.560 you're down for lunch or something i'll say hey um i'd like to have a chat with you or discussion
00:33:05.940 with you later on tonight um about something i'm not mad at you but i've got an area of concern
00:33:10.900 that i'd like to bring up to you yep and so that kind of you're just like okay that mentally kind
00:33:15.980 of prepares each of you um so that way when we do go to have this discussion we're already
00:33:21.000 mentally prepared and we're not going into into the conversation in defensive mode we're not ready
00:33:25.780 to like explode yeah to fight it's just we're here to talk our ultimate end goal is to be on
00:33:32.720 the same page. Yeah. And we're on the same team and be reconciled. Um, and, and also how many
00:33:38.360 issues do we talk about? Oh, we stick to the one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a, that's a nightmare mistake
00:33:43.380 for a lot of people is that one comes up and it's like, well, yeah, but you know, I do this,
00:33:47.740 but you do this, you know, or in the past, they'll bring up past arguments and past issues and be
00:33:52.620 like, exactly. You do this, this, and this. So how can you get mad at me for doing this? Yeah.
00:33:57.140 So it's just a key thing of, yeah, just being honest, uh, with each other, sticking in having
00:34:01.980 the integrity to stick with the argument at hand. And I'm going to leave you guys with just a bomb
00:34:06.480 real quick, so you guys can write this one down. This is from a quote that has been given to me
00:34:11.360 from the guy that disciples me. It's, you can't argue with a humble person. Okay, that's just a
00:34:18.220 fact right there. And so if you're in an argument with your spouse, well, it's because there's
00:34:22.240 proud people in the room. And so if you can't figure out why you can't stop arguing with your
00:34:27.360 wife, and you guys always get in fights, it's because you're prideful. That's why. And so if
00:34:32.300 you want to stop arguing with your wife, be a humble person. Be a humble man. Because you can't
00:34:37.900 argue with a humble person. And so, you know, the Bible says that God opposes the proud,
00:34:45.900 and he gives grace to the humble. And so how much opposition from God do you want?
00:34:51.920 You know, that's just, you need to answer that question if you're having arguments with your
00:34:55.880 spouse. I think that's it. That'd be a good cap for the show. What do you think? Okay, so
00:35:03.360 a couple things before we close out. If you guys are listening to this on iTunes,
00:35:08.500 please leave a review. You don't even need to write anything. Just do like your stars
00:35:12.920 on the review because it's a big deal for how this podcast is found. And there are
00:35:18.000 millions of hurting marriages. And we'd love to get this content out to people.
00:35:21.460 but itunes ranks it based off of uh off of reviews and listens so that's one thing um also if you
00:35:28.240 want to hear the show notes or see the show notes and watch this as a video um you can also go to
00:35:34.840 ultimate marriage.com and then just go to the podcast page where this is episode number two
00:35:39.500 so on that note we will see you guys next week take care see you later thank you for joining us
00:35:47.340 on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.
00:35:49.060 If you're homesick for a stronger marriage,
00:35:51.200 visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com
00:35:53.200 and consider enrolling in our one-year
00:35:54.800 online marriage mentor program.
00:35:56.900 Also, if you're interested in learning more
00:35:58.320 about building a better marriage,
00:35:59.840 follow Veronica and I on social media
00:36:01.520 where each week we share tips, tricks, and lessons
00:36:03.800 on building a biblical marriage.
00:36:17.340 Thank you.