Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #05： How a Husband Can Help His Wife Become a Biblical Woman

00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we're going to be talking about how a husband can help his

00:00:14.720 wife become a biblical woman. Yeah, so that took us a few times to actually do that, but

00:00:18.820 we nailed it that time. I don't know why this one was so hard to get started. Welcome to today's

00:00:26.700 episode of ultimate marriage and i'm excited to chat with you guys again if you guys are watching

00:00:30.640 on youtube um today's the first day that or the first episode that i don't have a band-aid on my

00:00:35.820 head um if you're not watching on youtube then you don't get to see this but i had skin cancer

00:00:39.980 removed so if this is your first episode uh that's what's going on on or going on in my head i don't

00:00:44.140 have like just this random scar on my face yeah he didn't cut himself shaving no yeah shaving my

00:00:48.660 forehead i got a furry face um and so uh yeah a couple things just before we get started on

00:00:55.560 today's conversation, what we're going to be talking about. If you are watching the show on

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00:02:01.320 get out there. Okay. So today's episode, I'm going to be hitting the men a little bit hard today.

00:02:07.860 It's actually to be focused on the men. And the scripture that we're going to be talking about

00:02:12.400 is the famous passage of Proverbs 31, as in the Proverbs 31 woman.

00:02:18.440 Now, you guys might be thinking, wait, I thought we were talking to the men.

00:02:22.240 We are talking to the men.

00:02:25.260 And the original intended audience for this passage of Scripture,

00:02:30.720 it's not actually the women.

00:02:32.660 It's actually the men.

00:02:34.240 And you can actually see this from the instructive language

00:02:36.840 that you see at the first verse and the last verse.

00:02:40.040 And so it's Proverbs 31.10 is the first passage for the virtuous woman or the Proverbs 31 woman.

00:02:46.880 That starts in verse 10 and it ends in verse 31.

00:02:50.360 And so there's instructive language that is there in the very beginning.

00:02:55.340 It says in verse 10, an excellent wife, who can find her?

00:02:59.920 She is far more precious than jewels.

00:03:03.020 Again, it's talking to men.

00:03:04.320 It's asking the men a question. 0.88

00:03:06.440 An excellent wife, who can find her? 0.98

00:03:08.220 what type of man can find this woman? She's far more precious than jewels, and jewels are hard to 1.00

00:03:13.320 find. I mean, this is what the instructive language is saying. This is written to men.

00:03:18.180 And then in verse 31, it says, give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her

00:03:25.180 in the gates. It's, again, instructing the men. It's instructing the husbands to give their wives

00:03:30.400 their due. That's what, again, this is not a passage of scripture that's talking to the women.

00:03:36.980 it's actually talking to the men now it's about women but it's not for women it's actually for

00:03:43.720 the men i mean can the women glean from it absolutely veronica's she had this memorized

00:03:48.260 at one point right yeah about two years ago i had the whole passage memorized i can still

00:03:52.680 rehearse quite a bit of it but yeah we had it written down rusty i need to we had it written

00:03:58.440 down on our chalkboard on our chalk wall yeah it was like on the whole wall in our kitchen

00:04:02.600 i remember veronica like walking around the house like you know saying this it was pretty cute

00:04:06.320 um and so in jewish culture uh you know this is a this is a really important passage of scripture

00:04:13.920 and it's funny it's not the women in the orthodox jewish culture modern and ancient you can actually

00:04:19.580 youtube videos right now of of orthodox jews and it's the men who memorize this passage of

00:04:26.380 scripture and they turn it into a song and they actually sing it to their wives on the sabbath

00:04:30.780 night and i do that actually all the time with veronica no he does not but uh yeah this is what

00:04:37.720 happens is that the jewish men are actually memorizing this passage of scripture so that

00:04:42.700 they could sing it to their wives um and so a couple things i want to talk about actually i'm

00:04:47.520 gonna let veronica talk about this because uh you know just to to kind of give you some clarity about

00:04:51.940 um what this book is all about what the what what the kind of structure of proverbs is about

00:04:58.780 Yeah, so Hebrew poetry is actually built around chronological progression.

00:05:03.600 And so what that means is that the last thing on the list is typically the most important.

00:05:09.500 Yeah, it's the most important thing.

00:05:10.700 And so this is a poetry book.

00:05:13.680 And so there are certain poetry books in Scripture.

00:05:16.980 So there's the Psalms, the Proverbs, Ecclesiastes.

00:05:21.120 Yeah, Ecclesiastes.

00:05:21.840 These are poetry books.

00:05:23.480 And that's just the style of writing that they are.

00:05:25.980 It doesn't mean that they're any less authoritative in the way that we should view them, but that's what they are.

00:05:30.740 And chronological progression is this idea that, yeah, as Veronica said, that the last thing in a list is the most important.

00:05:38.800 And so Proverbs 31 is the last proverb in the Book of Wisdom.

00:05:43.900 So this is a big deal.

00:05:45.400 This is a climactic piece of scripture in Jewish culture for sure. 0.71

00:05:49.900 And it should be in the church.

00:05:52.300 This is a climactic piece of scripture in the way that it was reading.

00:05:54.960 And it means that the meaning and the definition of a godly woman should not be overlooked.

00:06:03.480 Also, it's a poem, and it's an acrostic poem.

00:06:09.360 And I'll explain this to you guys.

00:06:11.300 And again, I promise that Veronica will get some time to talk here today, but I'm going to hit the guys, as I said earlier.

00:06:16.020 It's an acrostic poem.

00:06:17.360 And so the first word in each verse begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet going on in succession.

00:06:25.480 It's really quite awesome.

00:06:27.580 Yeah, it's really fascinating, actually.

00:06:29.520 Yeah, a lot of people don't know that.

00:06:31.560 And what it means is that it's actually presenting a sense of totality of the...

00:06:37.360 Of completion.

00:06:38.140 Yeah, of completion of the biblical woman, the kind of A to Z godly woman.

00:06:43.420 And so it's an acrostic poem.

00:06:45.000 If you want to look up acrostic poems, you can check those out.

00:06:47.460 So this is another thing a lot of people don't know about Proverbs 31,

00:06:51.460 and I think it's just a fun thing to know about.

00:06:54.460 And like any poem, a good poem,

00:06:58.100 it's actually drawing the focus and the attention

00:07:00.980 to the things that are often overlooked.

00:07:04.740 You know, this poem's not about the extravagant times of life.

00:07:10.540 This is about the everyday, you know,

00:07:13.840 and just the everyday duties of a wife tasks of going throughout your day yeah and this is what a

00:07:20.140 wife deals with how much of her life oh man well at least the last four years for me yeah this

00:07:27.500 ever since i became a mom yeah well i guess nine years since we've been married yeah and so this

00:07:32.340 poem um you know it says that it's written by lamiel um a lot of people believe that lamiel

00:07:37.960 is actually Solomon. And this is actually a record of talking about his mother Bathsheba and how she

00:07:46.240 was a godly woman, or that it's from Bathsheba and she's actually instructing her son on how to find

00:07:52.740 a godly woman. So there's lots of theories on that. But okay, so the main reason, guys, that

00:07:58.240 we're talking about this is that men, you cannot celebrate and value what you do not know to

00:08:04.380 celebrate and to value, meaning that if you don't know what a godly woman is, you're not going to

00:08:10.580 be able to celebrate when you see it. You're not going to value it when you see it. And for example,

00:08:14.740 let's just say that I'm in the army, and if I want to take a corporal to become a sergeant,

00:08:22.260 I have to know what a sergeant requires. I have to know what that looks like. I don't know what

00:08:27.200 a sergeant requires. I don't know the descriptions of a sergeant. I don't know any of that stuff.

00:08:32.140 So therefore, I could not take a corporal and help him become a sergeant.

00:08:35.940 The same is true here is that if you do not know what the description or how a godly woman should look, how are you ever going to lead your wife there?

00:08:44.280 So that's the kind of, I guess, the main attributes of that.

00:08:49.020 So anyways, I'll let Veronica talk about some of the stuff here for a bit.

00:08:52.420 Yeah, so I think for a lot of women, I know me, when I even first came across Proverbs 31, you hear about it for years and years.

00:09:00.060 But when I came across as a believer for the first time, I was just kind of instantly intimidated.

00:09:06.280 Yeah.

00:09:06.880 Like I, you know, I read it and I was like, all right, well, I'm already defeated. 1.00

00:09:11.260 I'm already defeated as a woman because I'm not that woman.

00:09:14.900 So I just want to help encourage you guys and remind you guys that this is a description of her.

00:09:20.920 It's not the doctrine to become her.

00:09:22.900 And so the doctrines of a godly wife are found elsewhere in scriptures and Titus 2 and 1st Corinthians and Ephesians 5.

00:09:32.380 So look at the character of this woman, but not necessarily the activities.

00:09:37.380 Yeah. She's the aim, just like Christ is the aim and work hard to become this woman.

00:09:43.080 But just realize that perfection is it's just going to be impossible.

00:09:48.920 Yeah. And you always have something to work towards.

00:09:51.360 Yeah. And this is a good point that she's making here is that it's not the doctrines of her. It's the description of her. Like you're not sinning if you don't make wool with your hands, you know, or like, you know, I don't know, some of the other scriptures, waking up early. If you're not waking up early, I mean, even though that is pretty godly to wake up early, but, but if you're not waking up early and, you know, doing these different things before your family wakes up, like you're not sinning, but this is a description of her.

00:10:15.200 It's not the doctrines of her.

00:10:16.620 It is descriptive, not prescriptive, if that makes sense.

00:10:21.280 So again, yeah, how are you in your own life, Veronica?

00:10:26.280 Like when you read this through, do you try to apply one of these to your life?

00:10:30.280 Do you, like, how do you feel when you read through this description of her?

00:10:36.220 Yeah, I think when I read through it, she does a lot.

00:10:40.060 She's a hard worker.

00:10:40.760 she is going all out to care for her family and i think what a lot of people forget is that she is

00:10:48.040 a wife and she is a mother and so for me when i read it i just look at her character she she is a

00:10:56.080 woman that is prepared um she cares for her family you know she laughs at the fact that winter's

00:11:03.160 coming because she's not worried about it yeah her children are clothed in scarlet and so it's

00:11:08.880 just, she's prepared. This is an impeccable woman, and it's really important that we know

00:11:14.320 what this looks like. So men, pay attention for a second. We're going to read Proverbs 31.10.

00:11:22.440 So the verse says, and I'm going to read this out of the ESV, and I do ESV in New King James. Those

00:11:29.220 are kind of my go-to translations. It says, an excellent wife. Who can find her? She is far more 0.91

00:11:36.960 precious than jewels. Okay, this was written—that's Proverbs 31.10, yeah. And this is written in a

00:11:44.640 dowry culture. And a dowry culture is that the daughter of a man gets a gift in return for his

00:11:57.100 daughter's hand in marriage. That means this young man has to bring some sort of dowry, like some

00:12:02.220 sort of value. You actually see this. Abraham sends the servant in the Old Testament, and he

00:12:07.760 sends it to go get Rebekah and bring Rebekah back to Isaac. And he doused Rebekah and her entire 0.92

00:12:16.700 family with jewels and gold and all types of different stuff. This is a dowry culture. And so 0.97

00:12:22.600 what this scripture is actually saying to the men is that, hey, if you find a godly woman,

00:12:29.000 sell everything you have marry that woman yeah marry that woman get her you know it's it's she's

00:12:35.880 more precious than jewels um and and that's a that's a big deal like do whatever you can to win

00:12:41.080 her heart she's more valuable than gold and silver like this is the perspective that the bible has

00:12:46.640 when a man sees a godly woman do whatever you can she's actually the ultimate achievement she's the

00:12:52.620 ultimate wealth. And do you think about your wife like that, Ben? Do you believe that she is

00:12:59.980 actually the ultimate wealth? And I think about Veronica as I go, gosh, she does so much in our 0.90

00:13:07.080 home. Like you couldn't pay someone to do the things that she does. She raises our children. 0.95

00:13:13.040 She loves me well. She cares for our home. She's managing our life in a perspective,

00:13:18.080 and in a way that I couldn't do that.

00:13:20.460 She is incredibly valuable.

00:13:23.360 And that's what this is saying.

00:13:24.840 When you find a godly woman,

00:13:26.700 man, she's worth more than your career.

00:13:29.700 She's worth more than your skill set.

00:13:31.540 She's worth more than anything you have.

00:13:33.600 She is more valuable.

00:13:35.800 And it's like obviously a rarity. 0.72

00:13:38.500 Like an excellent wife, 0.97

00:13:39.380 like who can find her?

00:13:41.100 That's something that's very rare.

00:13:43.020 I wasn't this skilled and gifted

00:13:45.740 when we first got married, though.

00:13:47.960 I've grown into it a lot more as I've leaned on the scriptures.

00:13:52.240 Yeah, and this is one of those things, again, you know,

00:13:54.560 you cannot lead your wife to a place that you don't understand.

00:13:58.980 And that's why we're talking about this today.

00:14:00.760 And I mean—

00:14:01.660 And I didn't understand it either.

00:14:03.220 Yeah, and to be honest, this is pretty new to me.

00:14:05.380 I mean, I just got a chance to teach on this a few months ago,

00:14:08.640 and I thought, man, I need to spend more time in Proverbs 31

00:14:12.120 and understanding what a godly woman is. 0.99

00:14:14.820 Well, and just a quick note, too, for mothers, it gives you a layout to help guide your daughters. 0.94

00:14:24.540 Totally.

00:14:25.480 Yeah, we cannot underestimate this passage of Scripture.

00:14:29.180 And there's lots of stuff for the guys, too, that we will be talking about in terms of what does it mean to be a godly man.

00:14:33.640 We'll be talking about that in later episodes.

00:14:35.800 There's a quote that I really like, and I've kind of altered it for today's conversation.

00:14:40.000 It says, 0.98

00:14:40.260 Treat a woman as she is, and she will remain as she is. 0.95

00:14:44.140 Treat a woman as she could be and should be, and she will become that woman. 0.77

00:14:48.760 And so the idea is that, men, if you're treating your wife like she's priceless,

00:14:53.560 even before she's acting and behaving in the way of a godly woman,

00:15:00.620 she's going to start behaving like she's priceless. 0.99

00:15:03.380 She's going to start walking that way.

00:15:05.080 You have to treat people the way you want them to be, not the way that they are. 0.97

00:15:11.320 Yeah.

00:15:11.460 If you're feeling cherished and valued and cared for, then I, at least when I feel that

00:15:16.620 way, I have no problem rubbing your back as you're a physical touch person and I'm not.

00:15:21.320 And so I, like, I want to give you more affection and I want to care for you as best as I can.

00:15:26.600 And I look for more ways how I can bless you because I have felt so much so blessed by

00:15:31.140 you.

00:15:31.420 Yeah.

00:15:31.920 So if you can cherish your wife, love her, hear her, man, I'll tell you that, do you

00:15:38.260 have this perspective, again, just that Proverbs 31, 10 perspective, an excellent wife, who can

00:15:43.720 find her? She's super rare. She is far more precious than jewels. I mean, she's far more 1.00

00:15:49.660 precious than a million dollars. Like that's the kind of perspective that you would have in a

00:15:53.620 modern translation for that. So husbands, the greatest asset is not your job. It's not your

00:15:58.220 skill set. It's not your career. It's not your money. It's not your bank account. It's not your

00:16:01.620 car. It's not your house. It's the flesh and blood that is right in front of you. And that is the

00:16:07.120 takeaway from that passage of scripture so um yeah let's talk about the between because we're

00:16:12.620 talking the beginning and the end and veronica's just going to hit the between yeah and the rest 0.99

00:16:16.140 of the passage just kind of continues uh to give you an outline like i said earlier of a godly woman 0.99

00:16:21.020 um of her value um that she's dependable she's productive she's confident she's generous

00:16:26.580 she's wise and because of all of this she is praiseworthy yeah yeah yeah she is like her

00:16:32.460 children rise up and call her blessed yeah as well her husband yeah so and again like i said

00:16:38.720 she's a wife and she's a mother she's working hard in the home well yeah and a lot of people

00:16:44.220 a lot of people help me yeah a lot of people in the church forget that fact that she's actually

00:16:49.900 a wife and a mother we've kind of made her this like single entrepreneurial like independent woman

00:16:59.920 Totally.

00:17:00.500 And that's not what it is.

00:17:01.660 It actually says in the end of this passage that she's doing these things, though, that her.

00:17:07.580 That her husband will get the praise.

00:17:09.140 Yeah.

00:17:09.260 Well, yeah, that her husband will be praised.

00:17:11.000 He will be known in the gates.

00:17:12.000 He'll be known in the gates.

00:17:12.660 And so like this is when a godly woman is operating that way, she's actually and she has a godly man who's leading her and guiding her and loving her.

00:17:20.940 it she's working so that her her husband will be actually honored in the gates meaning that

00:17:26.880 in the city in the community in her in her in her own group of friends that her husband is honored

00:17:33.500 in the gates and so this this woman is not a single you know entrepreneurial out on her own

00:17:39.620 woman this is a married mother who is a wife and a godly woman so just want to yeah she's a keeper 1.00

00:17:47.020 of the home she provides from within the home yeah she cares for her family um to be her husband's 0.99

00:17:55.500 basically to to help fulfill the call on the husband's yeah husband's life yeah so she is

00:18:01.940 she is taking care of all the things around the home so that he doesn't have to so that

00:18:08.200 he can fulfill the ministry that god has called on his on his life and and i'll tell you ladies

00:18:14.760 you cannot underestimate the value of raising up those godly children and managing the matters of

00:18:20.760 the home so that your husband can fulfill whatever call is on your life together you know we the

00:18:29.620 great commission is being fulfilled in your home in those little children the great commission is

00:18:34.240 being fulfilled in loving your husband and and walking with your husband the way that the

00:18:40.660 scriptures call you to walk um okay um go ahead babe read this verse verse 31 yes proverbs 31 verse

00:18:51.000 31 yeah give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates okay so again 1.00

00:18:58.840 this directive is to the husbands here give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works 0.66

00:19:05.880 praise her in the gates the same way you're getting that honor buddy make sure that your

00:19:11.280 wife is getting praised in the gates and this is actually a climactic line to the poem because we

00:19:17.880 know chronological progression as veronica mentioned means that the last in a list is the

00:19:22.460 most important and so this for some reason god has decided that this should be the last line of

00:19:30.000 the book of wisdom and i thought okay why like let's just unpack this for a second okay what

00:19:36.420 happens to a woman to a godly woman when um she is neglected of the fruit of her labor

00:19:42.560 and she is not praised for her work she becomes bitter she becomes bitter she's resentful

00:19:51.720 she feels unappreciated undervalued okay these are powerful they're easy to say but they're very

00:19:58.700 deep cut wounds. When you do not give your wife the fruit of her labors and the praise that she

00:20:07.360 deserves, she is bitter. She's resentful. She's undervalued. She feels unappreciated.

00:20:13.260 That is the fastest way to destroy your marriage. That is for sure.

00:20:18.820 But in my opinion, actually, this is a big deal. This is the failure to kind of give her those

00:20:26.060 things, in my opinion, like at large, if we're talking about, you know, the millions of marriages

00:20:34.120 in the church, men failing to do this on the grand level is the great cause of feminism 0.99

00:20:41.620 and the ungodly form of feminism. It is a great form. It's a cause of feminism. Let me explain 0.61

00:20:47.620 that. When ungodly men withhold praise of their wives and they don't value and celebrate their

00:20:56.180 wives, women in general rebel. And they go and they seek out that praise and that value somewhere

00:21:03.380 else. And they're going to go find that in their work. They're going to go find that in their

00:21:05.940 career. They're going to go find that in the community. And when they do so, they leave the

00:21:10.440 home. They leave the marriage. They leave the family. They leave motherhood. And that is

00:21:17.020 exactly what's happening today. The reason the feminist movement is growing so much is it's a 1.00

00:21:22.360 reaction to ungodly men, husbands, fathers, brothers, whatever it is, uncles, that are

00:21:30.440 constantly not praising their daughters and wives and sisters for the work that's being done.

00:21:38.340 the home is a horrible place for for many women and that's a sad thing it's not how god designed

00:21:45.600 it the home is a beautiful place for a woman um yeah you get the opportunity as a woman to make

00:21:52.280 that your place of restoration your place of um of hospitality um a safe haven for your children

00:22:01.980 for your husband to come home from work and want to relax and just enjoy being in the home

00:22:08.120 yeah this is a like the core of a woman's ministry and it's like the way that this that the culture

00:22:16.320 has i guess um viewed this dude women are no joke a godly wife you look at this proverb 31 woman 0.91

00:22:24.040 she is way more intense than almost every man you'll you know in terms of just up up early down 0.99

00:22:31.040 late just constantly caring boom pouring out i mean you just actually see like wow this god designed

00:22:37.060 this incredible creature.

00:22:38.220 Proverbs 31,

00:22:38.840 let me see,

00:22:39.480 I have this picture right here.

00:22:42.160 In 27,

00:22:43.160 the second part of it says,

00:22:44.280 and she does not eat

00:22:44.880 the bread of idleness.

00:22:45.980 She is not a lazy woman. 1.00

00:22:48.120 She is working in the home. 1.00

00:22:50.280 Yeah, so any woman who thinks... 1.00

00:22:52.500 And serving. 1.00

00:22:53.540 And serving, yeah.

00:22:54.500 Like it's not,

00:22:55.360 yeah, it's not just

00:22:55.880 doing the right thing,

00:22:56.860 it's having the right heart.

00:22:58.360 And so if...

00:23:00.240 But I say serving

00:23:01.300 because it's not...

00:23:02.700 Obviously you're serving

00:23:03.860 your family,

00:23:04.460 but you're also serving

00:23:05.420 your community.

00:23:06.440 Yeah.

00:23:07.060 yeah and she's the poor and the poor and she's also like just yeah she's not like she doesn't

00:23:12.720 like uh martyr herself she also like takes care of herself she dresses well like i mean dude this

00:23:17.600 woman is awesome and so we we've we've forgotten this in the church um and and and men the reason 0.58

00:23:25.300 we've forgotten it is because you've forgotten it we need to show our wives what we we cannot

00:23:30.900 take our wives to a place that we do not understand so you need to understand what this 1.00

00:23:35.900 Proverbs 31 woman is and help her understand that. Help guide her there. Show her how much 1.00

00:23:40.600 you value that. So show her how much, you know, love you have for a woman that walks that way

00:23:46.560 and remind her of what the Lord says about a woman who walks in that manner.

00:23:51.240 Yeah. And a woman walking in that manner, obviously the husband has a huge influence in that.

00:23:55.680 And so when your husband's influencing you to do that and you have a heart to be this woman,

00:24:01.200 you start doing doing those things and before you know it your daughter's going to be imitating you

00:24:06.460 our daughters our children in general are major imitators they copy everything that we do they

00:24:12.580 copy everything that their older siblings do they that's just what little kids do and if they see

00:24:18.380 their mom uh caring for the home loving their husband caring for themselves your children are

00:24:25.000 going to just do that yeah automatically aria wants to clean the dishes already she's not even

00:24:30.860 five yet yeah she washes the dishes she sweeps the floors she brings lately she's been brushing her

00:24:36.060 hair and coming out dressing herself and it's really cute yeah she wants to care for herself

00:24:40.580 she just she's modeling after mom and so are your children seeing that or are you sleeping in past

00:24:47.120 your children and and um you know uh you know the house is kind of messy all the time and you know

00:24:53.640 Like, again, this is the status of your of your ministry in your home as a wife.

00:24:59.200 Also, there are seasons, I would just want to say, just because when someone might hear that and feel just really heavy, this weight, there are seasons where your house is not going to be spotless.

00:25:08.340 Sure. This for us is one of those seasons.

00:25:10.620 You know, I mean, I we had a miscarriage last week.

00:25:13.640 And so there are times where I was in bed for multiple days in a row and I couldn't keep up with the house.

00:25:19.660 and Dale did the best he could, but he's not mom and he's not going to get all the details like I

00:25:24.320 can. And so, um, so there's going to be seasons and you're going to have days where you're going

00:25:29.600 to need to play catch up this week, this yesterday and today. And tomorrow I'm going to be playing

00:25:32.760 catch up on the things that I wasn't able to get to last week. Um, so give yourself grace too,

00:25:37.100 because there are seasons where you're not going to be able to do everything. Yeah. There, I promise

00:25:42.100 that this Proverbs 31 woman, whether that was Bathsheba or someone else, I promised that at

00:25:46.280 some point she had the flu you know and she was sick and throwing up and had to sit down and not

00:25:51.100 get the things that she had to get done done and that happens you know those things happen um so

00:25:56.640 i want to break down the scripture just real quick then we'll jump into our questions for today

00:25:59.920 it says uh and let her works praise her in the gates it's what it's saying here is that husbands

00:26:06.320 let what your wife does be known and be be praised as a memorial to her publicly like public praise

00:26:14.900 Like talk good about your wife often and, and, and just be proud of her.

00:26:20.160 That is something that we need to do more.

00:26:22.160 Remind yourself, talk well about your wife often and in public. 0.98

00:26:27.940 It's also great adultery repellent in terms of that and your wedding ring.

00:26:33.260 Talk well about your wife and wearing a wedding ring. 1.00

00:26:35.200 And yeah, you're not going to have any issues of, of women throwing themselves on you. 1.00

00:26:39.320 They're just going to go, oh my gosh, I want a husband like that.

00:26:41.520 And hey, if you're a words of affirmation person, then you're going to just feel all kinds of butterflies in your soul.

00:26:47.560 Yeah, exactly. And let her example kind of be held forth in all places.

00:26:52.520 This is just the role of the husband.

00:26:54.940 Let her masterpiece example be known not to just the eyes of the men,

00:26:59.820 but to the eyes and ears of the other younger women, to the other wives, to the other mothers.

00:27:05.080 Like, let her example be shown and seen and praised.

00:27:08.200 because, again, we need to recreate this culture in the church

00:27:12.140 where, wow, look at, she's the mark. 1.00

00:27:15.280 Look at that woman over there.

00:27:16.500 And it's a man talking about his wife and praising his wife

00:27:20.260 and the men talking about the godly wives and what they do

00:27:23.280 and how great they are and how awesome they are.

00:27:25.360 What a culture we could create in the church

00:27:27.220 if we start talking about the women doing godly activities more than we do now. 1.00

00:27:33.340 And again, lastly, if your wife is not a Proverbs 31 woman,

00:27:37.060 it's likely that she's not married to a man who knows how to lead her there and so that's the

00:27:43.340 problem so if you know you're you're called as to be the leader of your home and to be the head of

00:27:48.880 the wife and that member equal value different role equal value different role you're called to

00:27:54.040 be the head of the wife men which means that you need to be able to know where you're going

00:27:57.520 and where your wife needs to be so you want to lead her there um so um no let's do our questions

00:28:05.700 in our memory verse yeah so let's do we have questions we do this every episode that was

00:28:10.800 kind of like an abrupt ending huh like boom we're done that's why i was going to transition

00:28:14.600 oh veronica's smarter than me okay so we'll do the memory verse all right so every week we guys

00:28:20.220 we give you guys a verse to memorize and we expect you guys to do that so veronica's going

00:28:25.200 to give the ladies their verse yeah so ladies you have to memorize proverbs 31 10 through 31 0.89

00:28:30.700 I'm just kidding 0.98

00:28:31.580 The whole passage

00:28:32.660 You can do it

00:28:34.220 I've done it before

00:28:35.120 So you can do it

00:28:36.800 No but seriously

00:28:38.580 Where am I?

00:28:40.180 Oh I'm looking at the wrong section

00:28:41.220 Proverbs 31

00:28:42.580 Sorry I'm really bad at remembering

00:28:44.600 That I need to talk into a microphone 1.00

00:28:46.020 Ladies 1.00

00:28:47.060 Proverbs 31 30 0.99

00:28:48.240 Charm is deceitful

00:28:49.380 And beauty is passing 1.00

00:28:50.460 But a woman who fears the Lord 1.00

00:28:52.140 Shall be praised 1.00

00:28:53.140 Yeah this is a

00:28:54.500 That's an easy one

00:28:56.000 Yeah it's a good one

00:28:57.060 And just remember that

00:28:58.480 Yeah I love that

00:28:59.180 I'm going to read it again

00:28:59.840 charm is deceitful and beauty is passing but a woman who fears the lord she shall be praised

00:29:04.960 awesome okay guys listen up you're gonna remember remember verse 31 10 but i i'm with veronica on

00:29:11.180 this you guys should read the whole thing at the very minimum of verses 10 to 31 and i'd be kind

00:29:18.540 of shocked if you guys memorize it i i actually you should and the way i did it was i focused on

00:29:23.460 two to three verses a day yep section by section and so when i you know i needed to memorize these

00:29:28.840 three verses today and tomorrow i need to memorize the next three but at the end of the day i need to

00:29:33.480 be able to say all six and yeah and even though you don't have it fully memorized maybe right this

00:29:38.240 second you have all the sections kind of oh yeah like the language kind of piece them together yeah

00:29:43.280 yeah and it's again it's in her it's in her i want to memorize it again though so verse 31 10

00:29:48.300 is an excellent wife who can find her she is far more precious than jewels so again just keeping

00:29:54.820 that perspective men um again that's verse 31 10 okay so every at the end of every session we do

00:30:02.560 questions that people send in to us um and if you want to send some questions for the podcast just

00:30:08.200 write support at ultimate marriage.com and the subject line just put podcast question and give

00:30:13.640 us some questions we actually are always low on questions yeah we don't get enough questions

00:30:17.640 yeah guys please yeah please send us some um so uh veronica's got one we do have them but yeah

00:30:22.800 there's not very many to choose from um so i've gotten this question a few times and it's how do

00:30:28.340 i deal with my husband who on occasions will bring up past faults in a current argument i'm letting

00:30:35.040 you go for it so when dale and i have a issue that needs to be talked about we set time aside

00:30:42.680 for that um we not that it hasn't ever happened before because it has but we try very hard not

00:30:48.800 to have just these like abrupt arguments we set time aside to have a conversation about especially

00:30:53.880 if our kids are around we do not argue in front of our children and so if something kind of rises

00:30:58.740 up while our kids are around we say hey like we need to talk about this later so we'll talk about

00:31:02.820 later so in that time that we set aside we also stay focused on the offense or the one issue the

00:31:12.280 one offense we do not allow ourselves to bring up past arguments or past issues we're like well you

00:31:18.220 did this and this and this. So whatever I did can't be that bad or something. Um, so we just

00:31:24.540 try and stay focused on the one issue. Yeah. Don't bring up past things. It's just because

00:31:30.120 you're bringing up past things. Um, you know, we're supposed to forgive others like Christ

00:31:35.800 forgave you. And so if we have already settled that argument and we've already forgiven each

00:31:42.000 other, bringing it back up actually means that you haven't really forgiven that person.

00:31:45.780 Yeah, it's advertising your bitterness and your lack of forgiveness, actually.

00:31:51.100 And what does it say in scripture?

00:31:52.860 It says, hey, men, or it says, if you forgive those who trespass against you, your Father in heaven will forgive your sins.

00:31:59.540 But if you do not forgive those who have trespassed against you, then your Father in heaven will not forgive you.

00:32:05.540 How many unforgiven people are in heaven?

00:32:08.960 Not any, I think.

00:32:11.420 I mean, that's my understanding of it.

00:32:12.840 So I just go, if you're not forgiving your spouse, I mean, sure, there's a proper process

00:32:17.120 of forgiveness, but if you're like holding bitterness, that scripture should definitely

00:32:21.160 freak you out.

00:32:23.740 And yeah, I like what Veronica said there is that, yeah, it's just, it's, it's just

00:32:27.440 showing that one thing that Veronica does that's really awesome is that she will, if

00:32:32.880 she has an issue, she, yeah, she'll say, Hey babe, tonight I'd like to talk to you about

00:32:37.020 something um and i one it sets me in a posture of okay um i'm preparing my heart and my myself to be

00:32:47.220 in self-control and to be humble and to not be reactive or defensive right off the bat because

00:32:53.400 you have time to think about what's to come yeah and it's she'll if it's not a big deal she'll say

00:32:57.980 it's not a big deal but i just want to bring something up to you and so i know okay cool you

00:33:01.940 know and we go and that night we sit down we're you know the kids are in bed and she'll say hey

00:33:05.780 that this happened and this bothered me and and you know we can have a discussion and um and

00:33:12.040 sometimes there's tears and sometimes there's conversation and sometimes there's um just you

00:33:17.080 know humility and and and i'm so sorry about that and forgiveness and we don't ever like yell at

00:33:22.820 each other i mean that's so rare that that happens not anymore not anymore yeah we used to

00:33:27.200 remember this quote guys you can't argue with a humble person and so if you're yelling at each

00:33:32.820 other it's because there's two pride well at least one prideful person in the room um okay

00:33:37.100 question for dale how long have you left your kids and do you believe it's important to have

00:33:45.380 kid-free vacations um okay so we've left our kids for two nights that's been the most we've left

00:33:53.260 our kids one time for two nights one time for two nights um you know i think this is very dependent

00:33:59.260 on the age of your children when they're little us personally we don't feel comfortable leaving

00:34:05.800 them for longer than two nights and two nights is even hard for me it's hard yeah um now and we did

00:34:13.560 that because we had a marriage retreat uh for two nights we've done it because we're having a baby

00:34:17.720 for a night or two we have taken some kid-free vacations we will go like how do we call it

00:34:25.140 vacation it's just a night away yeah because we haven't done a lot we'll do a night away and we'll

00:34:30.020 go to a local resort that's like you know 30 to 45 minutes away from our house and we'll do those

00:34:37.380 kid-free vacations the the thing what what I'm trying to lead at here is that we have to be

00:34:42.620 careful that we're not outsourcing our parenting and or escaping our responsibilities now I do

00:34:54.200 believe that couples should do a kid free getaway at least once a year for at least one night

00:35:02.320 maybe two maybe even three it depends on your kids do you have really great grandparents in

00:35:07.220 town in town yeah it depends on your kids on their maturity on um yeah on their maturity and

00:35:13.160 it also depends on who you're leaving them with yeah because whoever you're leaving them with is

00:35:17.560 going to have an influence in their life is going to have huge influence in their life yeah so

00:35:20.940 there's so many variables but yes in general we do think that you should do that I think it's a

00:35:26.240 blessing to pour into your marriage to have that time away we have to remember though that vacations

00:35:31.140 are a very modern idea so like I don't think that in the 1500s people were really concerned with oh

00:35:37.400 man I didn't get to take my vacation this year so just remember that we don't need vacations

00:35:42.560 they're a blessing and yeah and I would say just examine your heart going into it like is your

00:35:49.380 heart i need to get away from these kids yeah or is it you know what i i love our kids but i think

00:35:56.500 you and i really need some time to connect yeah we need some investment time with each other that

00:36:00.260 is exactly the core of that so yeah in general yes we we we like that idea um okay a few things

00:36:07.760 before we close out uh one is again just reminder if you guys would leave us a review those reviews

00:36:12.840 are really important just at the stars you don't even need to write something unless you want to

00:36:15.760 write something that'd be great we read every one of those reviews so if you write something we will

00:36:19.600 read it um and this episode is available at ultimate marriage.com and so you can just go

00:36:27.020 and you just click on the the menu and you click on podcasts and we have all the show notes we have

00:36:32.100 all the quotes the one-liners that we might have said today all the scriptures that we referenced

00:36:35.920 your memory verse um all that stuff's available for you guys to see the the video's there so you

00:36:41.640 can watch it there the audio is there you can download it there it's all there at ultimate

00:36:46.300 marriage.com um i think that's it for this episode we're excited we got i have a whole list of really

00:36:54.440 cool topics that we're going to be uh rolling out for the next future episode so if you guys have

00:36:59.180 any ideas send them to us we'd really love to hear your ideas for a show do a show on this do a show

00:37:04.460 on that um it's it's hard to do a show every single week um but on that note i think we're i think

00:37:11.100 we're done. Thanks for watching, guys. Thanks for watching, guys. Yeah, and listening. We'll see

00:37:14.960 you guys next week. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage. If you're

00:37:19.640 homesick for a stronger marriage, visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com and consider

00:37:23.740 enrolling in our one-year online marriage mentor program. Also, if you're interested in learning

00:37:28.120 more about building a better marriage, follow Veronica and I on social media, where each week

00:37:32.260 we share tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:37:41.100 Transcription by CastingWords

Dale Partridge - August 08, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #05： How a Husband Can Help His Wife Become a Biblical Woman

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