Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #06： How To Experience God’s Design For Marital Sexuality

00:00:00.000 welcome to ultimate marriage today we are going to be talking about how to experience God's design

00:00:16.200 for marital sexuality okay big topic marital sexuality not a comfortable podcast no it'll be

00:00:26.080 it won't be that bad. But excited to chat with you guys about this topic. It's an important topic.

00:00:31.600 We know that sex is probably, it's in the top three reasons for divorce, possibly the top one

00:00:38.100 or the number one. And so we're just excited to share the biblical perspective of marital

00:00:44.220 sexuality. And it's also a great podcast for the singles. We actually have a really good question

00:00:49.420 at the end for the singles that are listening. We actually have a pretty large audience who's

00:00:55.580 listening that is single for this podcast. A couple things before we get started. If you're

00:01:01.480 watching this on YouTube, just know that there's a podcast. And if you're listening to it as a

00:01:05.540 podcast, just know that we have these as a video podcast available on YouTube. And you can just

00:01:10.780 find those by searching Ultimate Marriage or Dale and Veronica Partridge on YouTube. Guys,

00:01:16.280 you guys keep leaving us reviews and we're just stupid humbled. Like we just don't even know what 0.99

00:01:20.780 to do um and we just thank you guys so much if you guys yeah it's just awesome and the reviews

00:01:26.760 remember that one that was left oh yeah we've had some incredible reviews just how the word or the

00:01:31.860 world the lord is using um this podcast to touch so many people's lives and how it's already

00:01:37.940 changing their lives and positive ways it's just really yeah really humbling yeah and so we just

00:01:43.720 thank you guys for those who have left uh written reviews but all we're asking is if you're willing

00:01:49.060 to just leave a star review, just go to your iTunes app, literally just scroll down and click

00:01:53.040 however many stars. You don't even need to write anything. But if you'd be willing to do that,

00:01:56.880 it's a game changer because it really does help the exposure of the show. And we are already,

00:02:01.200 this is episode six, and we're already having around 40,000 downloads a month of this show.

00:02:08.360 People are homesick for biblical truth. And we're just humbled to be able to deliver that to you

00:02:14.620 guys so thank you again so much for that um we're gonna be talking about some some deep stuff today

00:02:20.080 and veronica is going to open us up on just some pretty gnarly stats yeah so as christians and that

00:02:28.320 you know we live in this world and you look around and it's very obvious to us that sexuality is

00:02:33.660 under attack yep that is just as a believer you should be able to see that catch that right away

00:02:39.220 and know that the world is trying to distort sexuality

00:02:42.940 in any way, shape, and form they possibly can.

00:02:46.060 80% of all divorces are a result of sexual immorality,

00:02:50.900 whether that be adultery, infidelity, pornography,

00:02:54.480 whatever it is, the stats are pretty astonishing.

00:02:57.540 Yeah, so we got 50%, at least, 50% conservative stats

00:03:02.680 or 50% of the church, of people who call themselves Christian,

00:03:05.660 are getting a divorce. 0.51

00:03:06.500 And 80% of those are due to some form of sexual immorality. 0.96

00:03:11.280 Crazy. 0.90

00:03:12.040 It's really sad. 0.94

00:03:13.260 And then 54% of Christian men and 34% of Christian women look at pornography on a regular basis. 0.60

00:03:20.400 This is Christian men and Christian women.

00:03:22.900 People identify as Christians, yes.

00:03:24.780 Yeah, and this is, okay, so just take a moment for a second.

00:03:29.000 Outside of the church, it's like 90-something percent of men.

00:03:32.820 Oh, yes, absolutely.

00:03:34.360 And like 60% of women. 1.00

00:03:35.580 I used to work in um when I was working when I had a job and the women I pretty much only worked 0.98

00:03:42.940 around all women there's one man that worked in our little area back there but they would just 1.00

00:03:48.160 talk about it like it was no big deal and yeah they watch pornography with their boyfriends and

00:03:53.340 they don't care and they don't mind it and I was just astonished by that and we just heard again

00:03:59.200 recently a friend of ours who in his workplace the men just talk about it just no shame it's just

00:04:04.920 It's a normal, everyday conversation.

00:04:06.760 This is a fire department, too.

00:04:08.320 The men are talking about this.

00:04:09.720 This is like supposedly honorable people, and they're just sitting there talking about it, and they're all married. 0.97

00:04:15.400 It's super gross, guys. 0.97

00:04:16.860 It's super gross.

00:04:18.600 Yeah. 0.85

00:04:18.880 So, obviously, the culture is working hard to distort biblical sexuality.

00:04:22.760 So, that's why we're talking about that today.

00:04:24.560 Yeah, this is why we need to talk about this conversation in the church.

00:04:29.060 For some reason, pastors have eliminated some of these harder conversations from the pulpit.

00:04:34.920 And I think the thing that I heard most often when we were in church was like, oh, 50 percent of Christian marriages are ending in divorce or 51 percent, whatever the percentage is, are ending in divorce.

00:04:46.140 And that's pretty much the extent of what I heard.

00:04:48.600 Yeah.

00:04:48.940 Unless you were in a small group and then somebody opened up a little bit more.

00:04:51.920 But from the pulpit and the main sanctuary, that's not what I heard.

00:04:55.660 Yeah. I mean, the number one issue that's plaguing the church, I don't say plaguing, that's just confronting the church right now is biblical sexuality.

00:05:03.260 You know, against the homosexuality conversation, against the gender conversation, against the pornography conversation, it's all there.

00:05:11.580 And so we need to be very careful about that.

00:05:13.960 So a couple things. 1.00

00:05:16.280 God gives us one way to properly express our sexuality, and that is with your spouse of the opposite sex, of the opposite gender. 1.00

00:05:26.740 We just have one way. 1.00

00:05:28.040 That's the only way that the Bible gives a way to express your sexuality. 0.98

00:05:32.180 It is to be with somebody of the opposite sex who is your spouse. 0.99

00:05:37.200 There is no other way. 0.92

00:05:38.320 You cannot follow Jesus into any other manner.

00:05:41.880 You cannot follow the apostles' doctrines into any other sexual expression.

00:05:48.180 And we've got to remember that God says in the beginning in Genesis, we talked about this before,

00:05:53.260 is that it's not good for man to be alone.

00:05:57.200 And I think that the core of that is, sure, there's a variety of reasons.

00:06:00.580 for loneliness sake, for productivity sake, for complimentary sake, but there's also for

00:06:06.500 sexuality sake. It's not good for man to be alone, especially if you have the desire for women,

00:06:12.720 because I believe that a very small number of the people in the church have what's called the gift

00:06:17.900 of celibacy. They actually don't have that burn for that passion for the opposite sex.

00:06:24.620 But if you find the opposite sex attractive, then that is not you. 0.62

00:06:29.460 You do not have the gift of singleness. 0.77

00:06:32.200 And so it's not good for a man to be alone.

00:06:35.380 Paul actually says in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 2, another one of those reasons that it's not good.

00:06:42.060 He says, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each wife have her own husband.

00:06:49.020 And it's the actual reason is that you need an out for those things.

00:06:54.680 And the Lord has made a way for that.

00:06:57.320 He continues in verse 9 in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, while talking to the singles and the widows, he says, 0.92

00:07:06.860 If you can't exercise self-control, let them marry.

00:07:11.680 For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

00:07:14.920 Now, the modern translations, even the literal translations like NASB, ESV, King James Version, I don't know if King James says it, but it says with passion, burn with passion.

00:07:28.360 That with passion is italic because it means that they've added that in.

00:07:33.460 They assume that's what the writer is talking about, but it doesn't actually have that in the original manuscripts.

00:07:39.440 And so the idea is really burn.

00:07:43.720 That's what it says.

00:07:44.600 It says, if you cannot exercise self-control, it is better to marry than to burn.

00:07:49.080 And it could be talking about burn in hell.

00:07:52.960 I mean, that could be.

00:07:54.480 It could be in terms of just if you can't exercise self-control, meaning that you're actually walking in sexual immorality.

00:07:59.760 It's better to marry, to get married, to have a godly outlet of that than to just burn.

00:08:06.820 And so, yeah, God gives us, again, one way to properly express our sexuality.

00:08:12.120 And that's the key thing.

00:08:12.900 Yeah. So in first Corinthians seven, three through five, the scripture says, let the husband render to his wife, the affection do her.

00:08:19.100 And likewise, also the wife to her husband and the wife does not have authority over her own body.

00:08:25.540 But the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body. 0.75

00:08:30.200 But the wife does do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again.

00:08:38.840 so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

00:08:44.080 Okay, so this is the scripture we're going to be talking about today.

00:08:47.160 How popular is this scripture?

00:08:48.720 Not at all.

00:08:49.700 Not at all.

00:08:50.620 This is a lot of people—

00:08:51.720 It's something people don't want to hear or they struggle with.

00:08:53.940 Typically, it's not very popular.

00:08:55.820 Yeah, we can't take a buffet approach to scripture

00:08:57.980 where we're just going to go, a little bit of this.

00:08:59.520 Hey, the gospel, I totally believe in that piece of scripture.

00:09:02.340 But this over here, I'm not going to believe that.

00:09:04.960 You know, you have to say we actually believe and yield to the entire scripture.

00:09:09.480 So let's talk about this scripture, 1 Corinthians 7, 3 through 5.

00:09:12.780 This is a core piece of scripture for the married folks and a great lesson for the single folks.

00:09:18.900 A good verse to help prepare you for marriage.

00:09:22.620 Yeah, give you a sobering perspective.

00:09:24.760 Right.

00:09:26.020 Okay, verse 3, I'm going to kind of walk you guys through this.

00:09:28.100 It says, let the husband render to his wife the affection do her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

00:09:35.520 Okay, so again, why do you think Paul or the Holy Spirit would have Paul write this?

00:09:39.940 If we believe that all scripture is by divine inspiration,

00:09:42.720 as it says in 2 Timothy 3.16, do we believe those to be true?

00:09:47.360 Like, why would the Holy Spirit actually have Paul write this passage?

00:09:52.260 You know, let the husband run to his wife, the affection to her,

00:09:54.680 and likewise also to the wife to her husband.

00:09:58.140 And here's my assumption, is that the decline of affection inside of a marriage

00:10:03.940 almost always leads to an adulterous relationship.

00:10:07.560 The decline of affection in a marriage

00:10:10.320 almost always leads to adulterous relationships

00:10:14.800 or infidelity at the very,

00:10:16.480 so adultery is sex.

00:10:18.580 Infidelity is lack of loyalty. 0.52

00:10:22.120 It might be kissing.

00:10:22.840 It might be holding hands.

00:10:23.460 It might have to be an emotional affair.

00:10:24.620 It might be texting, whatever it might be.

00:10:27.360 And they are different in the scriptures for sure.

00:10:29.740 So just know that adultery is a different thing

00:10:32.180 compared to infidelity.

00:10:33.940 So as married couples, we need to prioritize the affection of our spouse.

00:10:40.160 We need to make it actually part of our rhythm.

00:10:43.600 Like for the guys, it can feel almost robotic to do that.

00:10:49.500 And it's not always like emotional.

00:10:52.120 And I think that's okay for some of the time.

00:10:55.680 To actually just make it very practical and logical.

00:10:58.500 Almost like set up a reminder in your calendar app.

00:11:01.280 Remind your wife how beautiful she is.

00:11:03.940 I think that's okay because it's not that we don't feel that those things are true.

00:11:07.740 It's that we just forget as men sometimes to do those things.

00:11:11.540 And you, the more you do it by doing, we understand the more you do it, the more you'll actually

00:11:16.220 do that in your marriage.

00:11:18.080 What do you think about that?

00:11:19.020 Like for the women, I mean, expressing affection.

00:11:24.260 Yeah, I think, well, I think it's super important, especially for somebody, um, for me, I'm actually

00:11:29.560 not a physical touch person.

00:11:31.440 I'm not a words of affirmation person.

00:11:33.940 Um, but if I go so long without those things, I start to like almost doubt my value or my, my beauty, or I'm like, man, I'm getting older.

00:11:45.960 Not that I'm old, but like I'm getting older and I'm like, you know, my body's not bouncing back from a baby as fast.

00:11:53.060 And, um, does he like me as much as you find me attractive?

00:11:57.060 Yeah. And so if you don't hear those things, um, I'll start to question or doubt those things.

00:12:02.640 And I know that that's not your heart, but just knowing or just not being able to hear those things can sometimes cause that insecurity.

00:12:11.380 Yeah. And those insecurities lead to other problems, which lead to other problems.

00:12:14.280 And if you let it go. Right. And if if your spouse is not giving that to you, but somebody in your workplace is always complimenting you, this is always affirming you, it can it can get dangerous.

00:12:27.680 Yeah. Yeah. So you want to see your marriage disintegrate. Just reduce the frequency of affection and sexual intimacy within your marriage. That's a great way to disintegrate your marriage. And that's sadly so many couples. You got to pay attention to these things. Affection and sexual intimacy are critical. Critical. 80% of divorces are because of this stuff.

00:12:53.100 um and so secondly this is a command what it says do her you know it says d-u-e it says let the the

00:13:00.760 husband render to his wife the affection that's due her like it's due to her she she actually has

00:13:06.540 that kind of that right you know um so i want to ask you guys a quick question for those of you

00:13:13.120 that that kind of um you know maybe withhold sex or withhold affection because you're angry like

00:13:20.200 it's it's often used as a tool to manipulate yes yeah and is there any wisdom to get your way

00:13:25.700 yeah this happens all the time in an immature marriage and in a non-biblical marriage is there

00:13:30.540 any wisdom in restricting access to our bodies or to our affection as a way of punishment or

00:13:36.680 revenge is there any wisdom in that no because like it's not the correct way for a spouse

00:13:42.180 to um restore unity in a marriage that's not the way you do it you don't say you know no sex or

00:13:49.760 no affection or be bitter, that's not the way you restore unity in your marriage. While that is the

00:13:56.100 way, if you want to destroy your marriage, then go for it. That's what that'll do.

00:14:00.820 But it's not the way that the scriptures tell you to do that. So for a husband or a wife to 0.91

00:14:06.260 restrict access to their body or affection is childish, and it's risky. If you want to put

00:14:12.980 your marriage at risk, then play by the world's rules and by your flesh's rules. But the Bible's 0.97

00:14:17.440 rules are say no get it it's due to it's due to them um and so yeah i'll let veronica have some

00:14:23.960 thoughts here yeah up here and i believe it's in verse three where oops where we started oh sorry

00:14:29.560 i accidentally messed up our notes here yeah no worries where am i i think you're right here okay

00:14:34.340 so yeah up in verse three where we started um again first corinthians chapter seven verse three

00:14:40.200 it says render to his wife the affection do her just kind of like isdell was sharing to her

00:14:45.480 And it's not, you know, for the men, the sex do her.

00:14:49.360 While this can mean sex, it typically means love her the way that she needs to be loved.

00:14:55.060 Yeah.

00:14:55.440 Yeah, it's not saying, like, render to her the sex that is do her.

00:14:59.380 Like, that's what every man wishes the scripture said.

00:15:02.400 But it's the, yeah, the affection.

00:15:04.120 Yeah, and love him the way that he needs to be loved.

00:15:05.980 It's back, it's reciprocal.

00:15:08.680 It's reciprocal, exactly, yeah.

00:15:10.220 And we often want to love people the way that we want to be loved.

00:15:15.480 You know, if you're an access service person, you want to feel loved by your spouse washing the dishes or vacuuming or changing the kids diapers, whatever it is to make the light or the load lighter on you.

00:15:30.900 Yeah. But. But we're supposed to love our spouse according to the scriptures, regardless if they do.

00:15:39.060 yeah and and the thing is it's like i i'm a physical touch person so i like to love veronica

00:15:43.760 with physical touch and she's not a physical touch person okay and yeah like if he's like he loves

00:15:50.420 like soft tickles on his back and he's like oh my god like i can i can you can do that all day

00:15:55.680 and the second he does that to me i'm like no stop like it like irritates my skin like it does

00:16:00.360 not feel good i don't like that um so it's just so funny how yeah how different we are yeah so

00:16:07.500 We're not to love each other the way that we want to be loved.

00:16:09.900 We're to love each other the way that they want to be loved.

00:16:13.120 Yeah.

00:16:13.320 So this is a command to love your husband or your wife the way they receive love. 0.99

00:16:18.200 It's, if that's sex, then give them sex. 0.97

00:16:20.700 If that's deep communication, a long conversation, then give that to them. 0.99

00:16:25.780 Yeah.

00:16:26.160 Yeah, exactly.

00:16:26.720 Give to them the affection that's due to them.

00:16:30.980 So, yeah, great point.

00:16:32.900 So we just talked about verse 3.

00:16:34.200 Let's go to verse 4 here. 0.94

00:16:35.060 Um, it says the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Okay. This is 0.95

00:16:42.300 like the feminist favorite scripture. I'm kidding. Um, and likewise, the husband does not have 0.92

00:16:47.740 authority over his own body, but the wife does. Um, okay. So Paul in this passage goes on to explain 0.87

00:16:54.960 the reasoning behind the scripture he just talked about, about rendering the affection due her. This

00:16:59.800 is the, like the why behind it. It's because our bodies are literally not our own. We have kind of

00:17:05.560 signed over that. Like this is a, this goes back to the idea of oneness. You're not just one in

00:17:11.600 your budget. You're not just one in your purpose. You're not just one in your dreams. You're one

00:17:18.460 in your body. Um, and so, um, yeah, in biblical marriage on your wedding day, you're literally

00:17:25.900 signing over the the deed of your will of your plans of your um independence your freedom your

00:17:36.240 self-identity your individualism i know a lot of people might hate to hear that but but you actually

00:17:41.480 as a married couple have one reputation you're one unit you're not individuals anymore now the

00:17:48.020 state will like to make you individuals um structure societal structure will like to do

00:17:53.080 that, but biblically speaking, you're just one unit, and that includes even in your bodies.

00:17:59.540 Veronica has right over my body, and I have right over her body. That is exactly how that

00:18:03.620 plays out scripturally speaking. So I'm going to say something real quick that I just want you

00:18:08.860 guys to think about. Married couples, you do not have the right, biblically speaking, 1.00

00:18:15.860 if we're walking our lives according to the scriptures, to refuse to your spouse

00:18:20.980 what your spouse has the matrimonial right to receive.

00:18:27.620 So I'm going to say that one more time

00:18:29.060 just to see us to comprehend that. 1.00

00:18:30.900 Biblically speaking, you do not have the right

00:18:33.100 to refuse to your spouse

00:18:36.280 what they have the matrimonial right to receive. 1.00

00:18:41.100 Now, do you want to be an idiot 1.00

00:18:43.180 and try to demand something from your wife 1.00

00:18:46.680 just because you have the right to do that? 1.00

00:18:50.600 sure, you can be that idiot and see how far that takes your marriage. No, it doesn't erase the 1.00

00:18:55.440 empathy, the respect, the call to kind of having a responsible relationship. Husbands, love your

00:19:02.660 wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her in Ephesians 5. Like this is, no,

00:19:08.080 sure, you have that right. I don't demand that of Veronica in that manner. I use wisdom. I seek

00:19:13.400 discernment. I talk to her. I'm not treating her in that manner. And she does the same with me

00:19:20.280 the affection and the sexual intimacy in our marriage. So the key thing that I want you guys

00:19:28.980 to walk away with in this passage is that we are not to hold a position of ownership

00:19:34.840 of our body to obstruct access from our spouse for the purpose of a selfish desire. That is just

00:19:43.040 what we're not called to do. And that's what this passage is talking about. You're not to obstruct

00:19:48.100 access uh for that so so yeah like the first few marriage of our first oh my gosh i'm just so

00:19:54.700 tongue-tied today the first few years of our marriage um were really challenging and so when

00:20:00.340 we finally got to that point of wanting to submit to scripture and um follow what it says

00:20:06.560 a kind of almost like out of desperation just because we needed something to change

00:20:11.160 um one of the things that we had mutually decided on is that we would never deny each other

00:20:17.720 um one another sexual intimacy yep yeah which is talk about that some more like what does that mean

00:20:24.920 i mean it's pretty self-explanatory i mean if you if you desired to have sex even if i didn't want

00:20:34.660 to i would get my mind there yep and i would i wouldn't turn you down yeah and the same is true

00:20:43.140 which i know obviously sounds like a better deal for the guys um but you know hey most there's

00:20:48.600 actually lots of marriages where the wife wants to have more sex with the husband um and yeah this

00:20:53.500 has changed our marriage oh yeah and in a great way and i would say also um even if you don't

00:20:59.200 feel like it give yourself a little bit of time go into the bathroom talk yourself through it

00:21:04.040 because your husband doesn't want to have sex with somebody who's just laying there and is

00:21:06.860 just like mentally gone yeah who is cringing the whole time is not wanting to be a part of this

00:21:12.680 because that's not really actually being there for your husband.

00:21:17.120 Yeah, and that's not the type of sex that they're actually looking for.

00:21:19.840 So that's exactly what we need to be focusing on, on offering that to these people.

00:21:24.940 Okay, so let's go through verse 5.

00:21:26.520 It says,

00:21:27.140 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time

00:21:29.960 that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again

00:21:33.400 so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

00:21:38.360 Okay.

00:21:38.840 um important scripture for married couples okay just you need to know this scripture um

00:21:45.480 uh again you know the churches i don't know why they're not necessarily teaching through this

00:21:49.540 stuff uh um but yeah again i'm going to read it one more time just because i want you guys to

00:21:55.040 hear it again do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give to

00:21:59.620 yourselves uh fasting and prayer and come together against so that satan does not tempt you because

00:22:05.320 of your lack of self-control. First off, this isn't talking about do not deprive one another

00:22:11.980 but for a time. It's not saying deprive one another of affection. You need to be always

00:22:17.320 giving your spouse affection. It's talking specifically here about sexual intimacy.

00:22:23.220 Do not deprive one another of each other's bodies is what it just talked about,

00:22:27.200 the verse before that. And the way that you could deprive each other for a time

00:22:34.040 is for fasting and prayer and and possibly maybe some like unique circumstances medical

00:22:40.140 circumstances medical issues yeah you just had a baby um whatever right uh those are unique

00:22:46.240 circumstances they are the exceptions they are not the rule um and even if you have those medical

00:22:52.340 things you get creative right in terms of just like you know hey if you've had some babies and

00:22:59.280 you're you're in a marriage you know that you know eight weeks ten weeks after you have a baby

00:23:02.860 you're not having intimacy with your wife does that mean that the husband just gets to sit there

00:23:08.620 and be you know sexually tense and you know have all this self-control for for three months by

00:23:14.980 himself maybe and and yeah but also the wife can approach her husband and say like hey how are you

00:23:20.880 doing Veronica does this to me all the time this is mature Christian marriage sexually do you do

00:23:26.000 you need anything you need anything yeah I mean this is this is I know it sounds awkward maybe

00:23:30.200 But this is mature, biblical marriage Christianity of having those conversations.

00:23:36.400 And it's also protecting your marriage, your husband, from sexual temptation.

00:23:40.880 Yeah.

00:23:41.160 And is there any of that in this world?

00:23:43.860 Yeah.

00:23:44.560 You know, and with the pornography world.

00:23:46.600 And again, like, I don't look at pornography.

00:23:48.580 But, you know, when you deprive men of sexual intimacy for a long time, pornography is generally what happens.

00:23:56.640 And you can argue with me if you want, but that's why 90% of the male population in America look at porn on a daily basis or on a regular basis. 0.56

00:24:04.680 So just open up your eyes to that, ladies.

00:24:08.660 And so looking back here at my notes here.

00:24:11.800 Okay, so then it says to come together again and soon.

00:24:15.400 It doesn't say soon, but it has that tone of like don't be away for long.

00:24:20.480 Don't do a 14-day fast maybe.

00:24:22.580 Just come back together again.

00:24:26.640 That your unwillingness to, you know, to give this kind of sexual affection doesn't open a door for Satan to come in and destroy your marriage.

00:24:38.740 Because 80 percent, again, people are sexually. 0.78

00:24:42.960 80 percent of Christian divorces. 0.74

00:24:44.260 Yeah. 80 percent of Christian divorces are are ending in some sort of adulterous relationship, which means that they're unhappy with their sex life. 0.83

00:24:53.540 You need to be one. Have those conversations.

00:24:56.640 If you want to be creative, talk about new creative things in your sex life.

00:25:02.200 If you are unhappy with certain parts of your sex life or your bodies or any of that kind of stuff, have those conversations.

00:25:08.040 They're important to have.

00:25:10.640 And so remember that, yeah, Veronica said this earlier, is that ignoring your spouse, you know, while you're ignoring your spouse, Satan is going to be making sure that someone else is giving them their attention.

00:25:21.860 Just know that.

00:25:22.740 It's not even it's it's that is Satan's game is to offer attention from Satan's offering.

00:25:28.880 Hey, here you go. I know you're deprived over there.

00:25:31.320 I'm going to make sure that I'm telling you all your things that you want to hear, offering you all the things that you think you don't have.

00:25:38.680 That's Satan's game. You can eat of every tree, God says, except that one.

00:25:43.580 And Satan goes, look, you can have of all these things.

00:25:47.700 Look how you don't have anything. You need to be able to eat of this one tree that you're not supposed to have.

00:25:51.460 it's this constant like play of making you feel like you don't have much focus on what you don't

00:25:56.840 have instead of what you do have that's satan's game um so uh and the last thing i want to talk

00:26:03.160 about well actually two things so the best way to protect your marriage is to have regular intimacy

00:26:07.500 you know what in regular communication yeah what do you think that is regular intimacy

00:26:13.820 like how many times per week of sexual intimacy at least seven

00:26:18.900 you guys i'm blushing over here no at least i don't know twice a week once at the very least

00:26:27.460 once a week i think that that's yeah regular yeah and i know every couple has their own story

00:26:31.960 but i mean statistics say that yeah at least once a week yes it's just statistics a healthy

00:26:36.600 marriage is people that are happy with their sex life it's two to three times a week yeah

00:26:39.860 and so again if you know are you are you in the statistics are you in a special circumstance sure

00:26:44.200 but you need to make sure that you're prioritizing that don't get busy even with kids make sure you

00:26:48.720 have time, care about those needs. And then I want to talk to the singles for a second. 0.89

00:26:54.820 All right. So if Satan tempts married people when they're abstaining or prevented from sex for a 0.98

00:27:01.200 period of time, what do you think Satan's plan is for single people? It's got to be the exact same.

00:27:07.560 It's going to come to bring you sexual temptation. That's what it says at the end of the scripture.

00:27:12.240 Come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

00:27:16.040 so let's just say that you got years you got years under your belt of being single yeah you know what

00:27:22.380 satan's in the business of tempting you it's not good for man to be alone prioritize marriage make

00:27:26.480 yourself available get out on dates don't get so busy that you can't have a entertain you know

00:27:31.920 men or entertain women like do that get into that marriage the church somehow is like idolized and

00:27:38.540 lifted up singleness into an unhealthy place in my opinion yes and and and almost like marriage is

00:27:44.240 like not a good thing and single people are struggling man it is hard to be single in the

00:27:49.280 church today um so again we're just here to prioritize that for you guys so yeah and if

00:27:54.860 you're single it's just just be aware and just be on constant guard of your purity yeah yeah it's

00:28:03.400 it's just it's a hard thing i mean your purity is i mean even veronica and i um you know we

00:28:09.940 in our marriage we're just that was our number one thing before we got married okay how do we

00:28:14.160 stay pure how do we stay pure and we worked hard we didn't have sex before we got married and um

00:28:18.660 and that was you're building a testimony for your children to be able to look them in the eye and

00:28:24.220 say yeah mom and dad did this you can too you know so that's something to think about yeah so be on

00:28:30.480 constant guard of your priority because like dale said satan is always going to be giving you

00:28:34.300 and offering so just be wise and discern those moments um and remember that habitual unrepentant

00:28:43.340 sexual sin will send you to hell the scripture says the bible says do not be deceived do not

00:28:50.500 be deceived sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of god this is a powerful scripture

00:28:58.000 a couple things that veronica just mentioned yeah is that that habitual unrepented sin

00:29:04.180 for you if you're single for you if you're married if you're looking at porn all the time

00:29:08.340 you haven't repented repented means i have turned away you're sorry but you're not repented yeah a

00:29:15.400 lot of people are very apologetic for their sin but they're not repentant it's a very big difference

00:29:19.340 there um and sure if you if you you know you you stumble and you fall every couple months to years

00:29:25.700 like you repent for those things but if you have an unrepentant habitual sin life you're actually

00:29:32.820 practicing sin. You're getting better at it. You're doing it often. You're sleeping with

00:29:38.040 your boyfriend or girlfriend on a regular basis. Dude, have the fear of God. It says,

00:29:44.880 do not fear man who can destroy the body, but fear God who can throw body and soul into hell.

00:29:49.280 Those are the words of Jesus. Okay. So like, just remember, this is serious business. And it says

00:29:54.220 that you, it implies that you would be deceived. Do not be deceived. The sexually immoral will

00:30:00.760 not inherit the kingdom of God. So again, stop using sexual, I guess, the sexual aspect of your

00:30:08.600 marriage to manipulate your marriage. Be unified, one body. So yeah, we'll end there. That's a good

00:30:15.240 little punch in the brain. And we're going to answer some questions. So again, if you guys

00:30:21.960 have questions, we answer two questions at the end of every podcast. Just email us support at

00:30:26.560 ultimate marriage.com and in the subject line, just write podcast question and then give us

00:30:31.680 your questions. We're actually answering some questions from there now. So I'll let Veronica

00:30:34.980 go to the question that was aimed at her. Um, yes. The question I got was I am currently in

00:30:40.260 college and trying to navigate dating in a way that honors the Lord. I would love to hear from

00:30:44.300 both of you on what, uh, spiritual leadership would look like in dating, what qualities I should

00:30:50.580 be looking out for in a man, how I can tell if a man is going to be godly, a godly spiritual leader

00:30:56.280 or husband what can i or should i be doing to encourage spiritual growth in a dating relationship

00:31:01.780 what should i do now to prepare to be a godly wife one day a lot of questions lots of questions in one

00:31:07.320 so um a lot of the um couples that we see today that are are technically single they're not married

00:31:16.120 but um singles that are in dating relationships um the girl because we are to be submitting to

00:31:24.360 husband in the future and following a godly man will start to follow her boyfriend um in a husband

00:31:31.800 way in a husband like way so they'll go to church together and the boyfriend has an issue with it

00:31:37.960 and so even if the girlfriend enjoyed it um and he will say oh we're not going to go there and so

00:31:43.520 we'll go to another church and she's almost submitting to she's submitting to her boyfriend

00:31:49.460 But until he's your husband, he is not your spiritual leader.

00:31:53.060 Yeah.

00:31:53.460 It doesn't mean that you can't, sure, switch churches and those things like that.

00:31:57.040 But just keep the heart behind the ideas that he's not your spiritual leader until he's your husband.

00:32:03.440 And until that point, there's two people that would be your spiritual leader if you're a single lady.

00:32:08.040 Ideally, it's your father. 0.93

00:32:10.320 And I don't care if you're 34.

00:32:12.640 Ideally, it's your father.

00:32:13.640 um if your father's not a believer or not walking out that role well then it would be the pastor at

00:32:20.320 your church um in a way that is always um with his wife so that you're not you're never having

00:32:27.440 solo conversations with the pastor but yeah that would be an elder at your church someone that is

00:32:32.420 helping guide and protect you as a father would or should yeah another thing i would say to look

00:32:38.860 out for is just make sure that the man has left his mom and dad. He's his own man. He's his own

00:32:43.820 provider. Um, he's not looking at pornography. Yeah, that's a big one. And a man that is committed

00:32:50.220 to growing. Um, you don't want a man that's just comfortable where he's at and it's just stagnant

00:32:55.120 and just kind of wants to stay there. Um, because that will bleed over into the marriage. And so 0.88

00:33:00.440 having a man that is constantly willing to grow and has that hunger to grow and want to mature

00:33:04.520 is really important um and mom's not paying netflix bill or cell phone bills or any of that

00:33:10.240 kind of stuff either yeah and then you can in the meantime you can practice being a godly woman

00:33:14.260 read the scriptures titus 2 read proverbs 31 um ephesians 5 like all these things you've got

00:33:21.860 references to to go by yeah exactly understand what a biblical woman is work on desiring children

00:33:30.340 you know um if you're a woman who doesn't want children you need to read the scriptures because 0.98

00:33:36.080 that is a again it's not it's not the posture of a christian wife um uh sure everybody has their

00:33:42.560 own journey with children but if you're like against kids you know yeah maybe check your

00:33:47.200 heart what does this look like if you're you know against kind of some of these other elements of

00:33:51.940 wifehood yeah look at the scriptures just i'm not saying it's not me it's not veronica you get to

00:33:57.860 argue with the Bible and you get to argue with God. That's, that's what you get to do. Um, so

00:34:02.060 practice that stuff. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Don't you wish that I practiced on being a godly man prior

00:34:06.700 to us being married? Yeah. It's been the first several years. Yeah. Several years just trying

00:34:11.140 to figure that stuff out. Um, okay. Question number two. Um, Dale, my fiance and I are in

00:34:17.040 school still. And when we get married, I will be working full time while he is in grad school

00:34:23.340 full-time. If God designed a woman's role to be the homemaker, is it unbiblical for her to be 0.98

00:34:29.500 working a job outside of the home? Okay, well, one, I don't think it's unbiblical for a wife to have a

00:34:35.300 job. No. But is her priority her work, or is the priority her home? And you can see that with your 0.99

00:34:44.080 time, for sure. Are you spending 40, 50, 60 hours out of the home, not caring for the home, the

00:34:50.740 husband your children and if you don't have kids that's a little bit of a different circumstance

00:34:54.240 as well um but if you have children i'd say yeah having a full-time career outside of the home

00:35:01.600 unless you it's financially needed but a lot of people believe that they need double income when

00:35:07.680 they really don't um that's importance about men making good financial decisions staying out of

00:35:12.680 debt it also puts a fire under the man's but yeah there's not a double income it almost puts the

00:35:18.820 pressure on him even more like i need to provide i need to care for my family and we're built for

00:35:23.120 this guys we're built to take on the weight of providing women aren't um the the culture will

00:35:29.640 say that they are um but but if you talk to the average christian woman they want to be they want 1.00

00:35:35.220 to have a little side thing maybe um want to have a blog they want to have a little business maybe

00:35:39.700 on the side but they really want to be with their kids they want to be a good wife they want to care

00:35:44.560 for the home. If you have a godly wife, you know how insane it is to take care of a home. It's so 1.00

00:35:51.960 much work to take care of, to like do well at that. And so that's one perspective. Yeah, read Titus 2

00:36:00.180 on that. Understand what a godly wife is, is that the core of her ministry should be stemming from 1.00

00:36:07.080 the home and i know this sounds old-fashioned people i know um but god's commands don't change

00:36:15.020 because time has moved on like that's not it doesn't matter the scriptures are true they're

00:36:21.900 the universal doctrines for local application universal meaning that they're the same then as

00:36:27.520 they are now god doesn't change he doesn't we don't we don't get to change share some of the

00:36:31.680 practical and tactical stuff maybe be a little bit different in today's world but the general

00:36:35.940 doctrine of the roles of a man and a wife are the same. So yeah, be careful. The culture is going

00:36:42.940 to absolutely tell you to get out of the house, get out of the house, get out of the house as a 1.00

00:36:47.000 wife. And pretty much whatever's popular is not superior in scripture. I mean, if it's popular

00:36:54.200 with the culture, then it's probably not biblically accurate, generally speaking.

00:37:00.460 Yeah, I was reading a devotional a couple of weeks ago, and that specific one was talking

00:37:05.580 a little bit on this topic for that day um and yeah when dale goes to speak at conferences or

00:37:12.360 whatever a lot of people go oh hi veronica they want to talk to him after or they'll want to talk

00:37:16.820 to me say hi veronica like what so what do you do and they're just like oh i'm a stay-at-home mom

00:37:22.380 they're like oh okay and what else yeah like it's almost this expectation that i should have

00:37:27.320 something else on the going um going on the side yeah um and not that that's a wrong thing if you

00:37:33.000 do then great but in this devotional when she gets asked that question like oh do you work she goes

00:37:38.960 oh yes i work i love to work you know i work in my home and i care for my family and i make three

00:37:44.580 meals a day and i i'm frugal hospitable i'm hospitable um i'm training my children it's

00:37:51.820 it is work it's a ton it's just a different type of work than what culture um would like to see

00:37:57.540 and having a godly marriage in these roles man i'll tell you guys it changes your life it changes

00:38:01.820 your life everybody's walking the way that god designed us and it's just really good um so again

00:38:06.560 we're going to give you guys a memory verse which we do every week uh memory verse for this week i'm

00:38:11.380 gonna let veronica read is the scripture that we talked about today and it's a couple verses for

00:38:16.520 both so this week we don't have one for men and one for women yeah this week you guys can both

00:38:21.220 just memorize this one yes and that's first corinthians three or seven three through four

00:38:26.720 let the husband render to his wife the affection do her and likewise also the wife to her husband

00:38:32.480 the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise the husband

00:38:37.460 does not have authority over his own body but the wife does these are these are conversations that

00:38:42.840 if you're in marriage and you're helping another couple has a confrontation around this you need

00:38:48.680 to know the scripture off the top of your head you can pull out god's wisdom on the matter and

00:38:51.960 that's why we ask you to memorize this stuff need to memorize scripture it's a really important

00:38:56.560 part of the uh an important discipline for the mature christian life um okay so last things

00:39:02.800 before we close out again would you guys leave a review it'd be super helpful for us those reviews

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00:39:15.740 and we were the top 10 we are so almost like scared humbled like don't even know what to do

00:39:22.780 right now. But it's because these reviews, they really do bump it up. That's the algorithm in

00:39:27.400 iTunes. So again, would you leave a review? Just tap the stars. Don't even write anything if you

00:39:30.700 don't have time. And then available to listen to, you can watch the video. You can listen to the

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00:39:45.040 title of this interview. This is number six, episode number six. It has all those notes

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00:39:53.940 and, um, you guys can get our weekly emails when we have a new show coming out, all that kind of

00:39:58.640 stuff. So, um, again, thanks for listening today on such a hard and awkward topic, but, um, we

00:40:05.540 enjoyed bearing with me. Yeah. Yeah. Veronica is blushing. Um, but again, thanks guys. And we'll

00:40:11.180 have another show for you guys next week. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on this episode

00:40:15.600 of ultimate marriage. If you're homesick for a stronger marriage, visit our website at

00:40:19.700 ultimate marriage.com and consider enrolling in our one year online marriage mentor program.

00:40:24.280 Also, if you're interested in learning more about building a better marriage,

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00:40:30.500 tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:40:49.700 Transcription by CastingWords

Dale Partridge - August 15, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #06： How To Experience God’s Design For Marital Sexuality

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