Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #07： How Many Children Should Christians Have？ A Biblical Perspective

00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we are going to be talking about

00:00:13.740 how many children a Christian couple should have. 0.57

00:00:16.420 Crazy conversation, but I think it's an important one. We've had a lot of couples

00:00:20.820 that have written us about this topic, and we're going to talk about the heart of what

00:00:25.640 the Bible says about children. So buckle your seats. But before we get started, a couple

00:00:31.740 things. I wanted to just do some housecleaning stuff. Is it called housecleaning or housekeeping?

00:00:38.180 Housekeeping? I don't know. I mean, I guess they're both kind of the same thing.

00:00:40.940 I guess it is, right? All right. So subscribe on YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube,

00:00:46.340 would you guys be just subscribers of our account? We try to put these episodes out every single

00:00:50.240 week. If you're listening to this as an audio podcast, because it exists as both, we'd ask

00:00:57.420 that you guys would leave a review. You don't even need to write anything. You just tap how

00:01:01.700 many stars you think the show deserves. That would be a lot to us. Again, we've been so humbled and

00:01:08.300 thankful for all the reviews that you guys have left so far. I wanted to do a quick plug on my

00:01:13.960 book. I should have a copy here in my hand. I don't. Anyways, Save from Success. I wrote an

00:01:19.840 entire chapter on the topic of children, the biblical perspective on children that goes way

00:01:25.660 more detail in my book, Save from Success. You guys can buy that on Amazon if you guys want to

00:01:32.060 pick up a copy of that. So check that out. A quick preface to today's show. We know a lot of couples

00:01:40.100 struggle with infertility. And we've had two miscarriages. We understand some of the difficulties

00:01:45.960 that are surrounded around babies. And so today's topic is not necessarily aimed at people who

00:01:54.500 maybe are trying and can't have kids. It's for people who are trying to discern what the biblical

00:01:59.420 perspective is about kids, or people that might be not sure if they want kids, or they're done

00:02:05.200 having kids or, or some of, some of those topics. So, um, anything to add on that? No, I think that

00:02:10.540 sounds great. Okay. So, um, okay. Veronica is going to start us off today because, uh, just,

00:02:15.340 yeah, just, uh, you know, I think this is a very heavy woman conversation. Um, so I'll let her 0.99

00:02:21.020 lead it out. Yeah. And before I get started, I want to apologize. I know a lot of you guys have

00:02:25.300 been writing me on Instagram or in our reviews that you can't hear me or to turn your microphone

00:02:30.820 up um my microphone is up so it's just me talking low i'm not super loud and so i'll be i'll try and

00:02:37.740 be very intentional about speaking into the microphone and projecting my voice a little bit

00:02:40.840 more cool um that being said going into our conversation you hear us say this uh quote a lot

00:02:47.060 on the show and it's the culture influences the church more than the church influences the culture

00:02:51.900 that being said what's the average of number what's the average number of kids secular families

00:02:58.680 have? Yeah, two. Two, right? Yeah. And so what's the amount of average number of kids that Christian

00:03:04.580 families have? Two. Yeah. So sadly, when it comes to kids, the church doesn't look much different

00:03:11.620 than what the world sees. So what does the Bible have to say about children? How many Christians

00:03:18.020 are, how are Christians supposed to think about kids? Yeah. What's the doctrine or the scriptures 1.00

00:03:24.740 that Christians need to know about kids.

00:03:26.720 I think that's what we're going to talk about a lot today.

00:03:29.620 Yeah, and do we adopt the culture's one, some, or none

00:03:33.000 type of attitude towards children?

00:03:35.140 Or is there some type of doctrine or scripture

00:03:37.380 that lets us know and helps us answer this question?

00:03:40.300 Yeah, exactly.

00:03:41.480 And that's what really, right now,

00:03:43.120 it's just pretty much the one, none, or some.

00:03:44.520 There is no doctrine.

00:03:46.560 It's just kind of whatever we feel like doing.

00:03:49.260 And so again, we're going to give you the big,

00:03:51.480 high-level, and quick conversation

00:03:54.020 about children. I mean, you could talk about this for hours. There's also books that have

00:03:58.380 been written on hundreds of pages on this topic. So we're just going to take a quick conversation

00:04:03.220 on this. But the Bible's clear. Children are a blessing. And a blessing means, like the word

00:04:11.000 blessing means God's favor. So children are God's favor to a family or to a couple. It means that

00:04:18.460 they're valuable. They're actually more valuable than anything else you have. I mean, your house,

00:04:23.120 it's valuable, but you'd sell it if you needed to. If your most prized possessions, they're

00:04:27.440 valuable, but you would also sell those things. But your children, you're not going to sell your

00:04:31.980 children. They're priceless. That's how valuable they are. Well, yeah. And if somebody were to

00:04:35.760 break into your house or your house catches on fire, the first thing you go for is your children.

00:04:39.440 Exactly. Exactly. So the perspective is that these are the most valuable things that we can have.

00:04:45.580 And it's interesting how that they're the most valuable yet the least desirable,

00:04:48.760 in many cases, especially in the culture.

00:04:52.320 And so I want to ask you guys some parallel questions about blessings,

00:04:55.460 just to kind of do a self-evaluation or an assessment.

00:04:59.160 So the Bible says that wealth is a blessing.

00:05:03.880 And I want you to ask yourself, do you want more wealth?

00:05:06.740 Yeah, right? Yeah, of course.

00:05:07.920 Yeah, we'd like to have some more wealth.

00:05:09.660 That's a blessing, God's favor.

00:05:12.200 The Bible also says that wisdom is a blessing.

00:05:15.740 Do you want more wisdom?

00:05:18.580 Right?

00:05:19.000 Absolutely, yeah.

00:05:19.700 Yeah, it sounds like a good idea.

00:05:20.900 Yeah, I'd love to have some more of that blessing, some more of God's favor there.

00:05:24.280 The Bible says that influence is a blessing.

00:05:27.560 Do you guys want more influence?

00:05:29.260 Sure.

00:05:29.980 I think a lot of people want that.

00:05:31.060 But the Bible also says that kids and children are a blessing.

00:05:34.640 Do you want more children?

00:05:36.960 You know, see, this is the question that you come to is that is there some sort of inconsistent logic

00:05:40.800 or kind of inconsistent desires when it comes to children?

00:05:44.760 Do we actually believe that children are a blessing?

00:05:46.760 or do we kind of believe that they're just a part of life

00:05:49.640 and we don't really want more of them.

00:05:51.780 We want as much as we can handle

00:05:53.620 or, you know, it's just a weird perspective

00:05:55.880 that we have around the idea of children.

00:05:58.540 So I think a lot of us would check the right box

00:06:02.200 if it was, you know, an exam that said,

00:06:05.280 our children are a blessing, true or false.

00:06:07.240 Check that box, yeah.

00:06:07.740 Yeah, we're going to check the box.

00:06:10.140 You know, but again, I think that just because we believe it

00:06:13.020 doesn't mean we behave it.

00:06:14.480 and we want to have a conversation about what it means, um, to, to, to really walk out that

00:06:21.200 children are a blessing and, um, and yeah, that's just the core of this conversation today. So

00:06:27.500 I'll let Veronica take it. I was going to say, yeah, that's actually how Dale and I kind of

00:06:31.540 started our marriage. Um, when Dale and I did not go to premarital counseling, um, we just,

00:06:37.000 we got married really fast. And so the topic of children was like kind of briefly brought up when

00:06:41.660 we were dating but more so after we got we got married and i'd say when we got married it was

00:06:47.640 definitely like a no we're not having kids right now yeah um and then we would talk about what the

00:06:52.620 future maybe looks like and i was like okay maybe like i'd like to maybe have one just to kind of

00:06:57.400 see what it's like and then adopt the rest and maybe have two or three which was heavily in

00:07:02.840 veronica's fear of having kids yes i was terrified of giving birth um that was basically the basically

00:07:09.460 the only reason why i wanted to adopt was just because i wanted to have children but not have

00:07:13.520 to physically have them um it was a huge fear of mine um but and then you were more like oh yeah

00:07:19.380 i mean we could have one maybe two yeah it was just and then but it was never like a serious

00:07:23.580 conversation for us yeah it was just the kind of one none or some mentality again there was there

00:07:28.980 was no biblical outlook at all no yeah it was just whatever our friends are doing whatever the

00:07:34.980 culture was doing whatever and everyone whatever everyone else was doing yeah exactly we just

00:07:39.240 adopted what everyone else is doing we didn't actually have any biblical perspective on children

00:07:44.280 and we were christians and we go to church every weekend and and so but we just i never actually

00:07:49.220 even heard a sermon on the topic have you i mean so it's just an interesting thing that that we

00:07:54.440 don't talk about this much in the church um so a couple things um i'm gonna go through some stuff

00:08:00.940 is that i'm looking at my notes guys if you're watching this on the on the youtube version here

00:08:04.280 But, you know, if you read the Bible, it really sounds like the complete opposite of what the culture says about children.

00:08:13.880 Psalm 127, which will be this week's memory verse, it's a fantastic psalm about the value of children.

00:08:19.940 It actually says that they're a heritage from the Lord.

00:08:24.120 Children are a heritage from the Lord.

00:08:25.280 The same psalm, it says that their offspring is a reward from him, from God.

00:08:30.740 Proverbs 17, Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived,

00:08:33.940 says that they are a crown of the aged,

00:08:36.700 that children are a crown of the aged.

00:08:38.540 Jesus was actually famous for rebuking his disciples

00:08:42.480 for not letting the little children come to him.

00:08:45.440 And he actually says this quote in the Gospels.

00:08:49.900 I'm going to read it.

00:08:50.440 It says, assuredly, I say to you, 0.88

00:08:51.880 unless you are converted and become as little children, 0.88

00:08:55.520 you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

00:08:59.080 I mean, so Jesus had this very powerful perspective on children, and we need to make sure that we're adopting that perspective on children.

00:09:07.440 I'm going to give you guys some more just points that I think are really important on this journey as you guys evaluate children in light of the scriptures.

00:09:14.500 And Veronica can jump in at any time if she wants to, but Dr. John Trainor says a really important quote.

00:09:20.140 It's actually often misquoted to C.S. Lewis, but this is a Dr. John Trainor quote.

00:09:23.720 It says, children are not a distraction from the more important work.

00:09:28.440 They are the more important work.

00:09:31.660 And as a mother, you're raising up the next generation.

00:09:35.140 Exactly.

00:09:35.500 They are the most important work.

00:09:37.760 Yeah, it's not like there's nothing else in your home, in your life, that is more important than that.

00:09:43.880 You know, our culture will say that children will impede your dreams, that they'll stop or prevent.

00:09:50.440 They're going to get in the way of the things that you want to do.

00:09:53.340 See, but the Bible says that children should be the dream.

00:09:56.660 Like you should actually be working hard, organizing your life, getting yourself set up,

00:10:01.620 not because you want to go on vacations or retire, but because you want to have more children.

00:10:07.920 We actually had a friend, a couple over last night with their kids,

00:10:10.900 and she was talking about how she has an opportunity coming up next month to travel for some work

00:10:16.600 and, you know, friends and family is supportive of it,

00:10:21.300 but she's just having a really hard time in her heart wanting to go.

00:10:24.540 And I said, okay, like, why is that?

00:10:26.720 And she said, just because I don't want to leave my family.

00:10:28.600 I don't want to leave my kids.

00:10:29.780 I don't want to leave my husband.

00:10:30.620 Like, I'm going to miss them so much.

00:10:32.280 And I was like, well, that's a great perspective.

00:10:34.480 That's a biblical perspective because a lot of times in culture,

00:10:37.200 you'll just hear moms, even on social media, like, oh, thank God, 1.00

00:10:40.940 I need to get away from my kids.

00:10:41.960 Oh, it's school season.

00:10:44.040 See ya.

00:10:44.720 Thank God I get my sanity back.

00:10:46.760 They have these pictures of them celebrating behind their kids' first day of school.

00:10:50.360 Yeah. They're trying to escape their family. They're trying to escape their children. And I get it. I'm a mom to three young kids. My oldest child is four and a half. Like, sure. There are times where like, I'll need a break. And Dale will come in and I'll go lay down the room or I'll leave for the day or something. But the heart behind it isn't, I need to escape. I don't want to escape my children.

00:11:14.440 Yeah, I need a break so I can continue to be a great mother.

00:11:16.960 Yes. 0.93

00:11:17.600 Yeah.

00:11:18.060 Yeah.

00:11:18.560 Yeah, I love that.

00:11:20.160 So, guys, a couple things here.

00:11:22.200 You know, culture and even church actually instructs young married couples or newlywed couples to just wait.

00:11:32.700 You know, wait as long as you can before you have children.

00:11:34.260 Go enjoy yourself.

00:11:35.440 You know, if you're asking the question, when should we have kids?

00:11:38.300 When's the best time we start to have kids?

00:11:39.520 I mean, from the Bible's perspective, it would be, I don't know, as soon as you get married, your wedding night.

00:11:45.900 I mean, do you have to in your wedding night?

00:11:48.280 You don't have to, but that's when you should definitely be thinking about children. 0.98

00:11:51.680 The culture's perspective is, no, don't get any of those stinking kids. 0.98

00:11:55.960 They'll ruin your life. 0.98

00:11:57.500 Don't enjoy each other.

00:11:58.540 Yeah, it's not like, how do I know when the right time is?

00:12:00.680 The right time, biblically, is any time after you're married.

00:12:04.740 I mean, after you've already been married, I would say that there's no right or wrong time.

00:12:09.800 Maybe there are in very rare, unique circumstances that this isn't a good time to bring a baby into the world.

00:12:16.200 But for the most part, if you're living a normal, healthy Christian life.

00:12:21.840 Yeah, then it's pretty much any time after your wedding day. 0.62

00:12:25.360 And, you know, the Bible implies that if you're not ready to multiply, then you're not ready to be inside of a marriage.

00:12:31.460 That's what it is.

00:12:32.200 If you're not ready to multiply, you're not ready to be inside of a marriage.

00:12:35.060 If you actually have to prevent what naturally occurs between a husband and a wife

00:12:40.300 when they become one flesh, when they consummate the marriage,

00:12:44.200 be fruitful and multiply when the two become one.

00:12:47.360 If you actually have to naturally prevent that from occurring,

00:12:50.980 you have to ask yourself, is it God's will or is it our will?

00:12:55.260 And I think that the church has a perspective that's a little unique about this.

00:12:58.820 It's kind of like, Lord Jesus, Lord, I want your will to be done in every area of our life, except this one.

00:13:07.440 And we kind of hold it back, like, oh, except children.

00:13:10.220 Like, you can have authority and do whatever you want in every area of our life, except over here.

00:13:16.360 We're going to actually just kind of have as many kids as we want, and it's going to be our decision,

00:13:21.580 and we don't really want you involved in this.

00:13:23.280 Like, that's kind of what it seems like.

00:13:25.900 And that's an important thing to kind of pay attention to.

00:13:29.560 And, you know, Veronica and I, we have a unique perspective on this.

00:13:35.740 We've sought the scripture so many times on, we don't have an 100% open womb policy.

00:13:41.580 That's not what we have.

00:13:43.320 We're all about natural family planning.

00:13:46.420 However, we are constantly seeking the Lord's perspective on the matter of children, making sure that our heart is right.

00:13:52.860 if you're a man that wants to put a baby inside your wife and your wife doesn't want one you're

00:13:56.960 an unwise man if you're a woman who wants to seduce your husband into having a baby

00:14:01.200 that he doesn't he's not ready for then that's not walking in your biblical role but if you're 0.82

00:14:06.740 a husband or a wife who has a heart that's against children like we're done you know

00:14:13.520 i just constantly examining your heart examining her or yeah you might have a perspective that's

00:14:21.600 an opposition to God's perspective or to the Bible's perspective about children. And again,

00:14:27.120 there's so many unique circumstances here, guys. I'm not speaking to the exceptions. I'm speaking

00:14:32.320 to the general public on the general rule of this stuff. So we want to be careful with that,

00:14:37.820 but check your heart when it does it align with God's perspective on children.

00:14:43.100 Yeah. So as we mentioned earlier, the goal of this episode is to answer the question,

00:14:46.700 how many kids should a Christian couple have.

00:14:49.540 Well, God doesn't really give us a number. 0.54

00:14:52.360 He just says multiply.

00:14:53.900 He doesn't say sustain or maintain.

00:14:57.140 He just tells us, or he doesn't say add.

00:14:59.840 He just tells us to be fruitful and multiply.

00:15:03.880 So you see, God is not interested

00:15:06.620 in diminishing his people on the planet.

00:15:09.700 He wants us to fill the earth with his image.

00:15:13.100 Yes, and I love that Veronica said this concept of,

00:15:15.780 we don't there's no number in the scriptures okay it's multiply it doesn't say add it doesn't say

00:15:22.880 maintain you have to be fruitful be fruitful and multiply don't just multiply yeah don't just have

00:15:29.380 a bunch of kids but you're you're to be having children who are fruitful who love jesus who want

00:15:36.780 to serve the lord who want to build the kingdom yeah yeah we know this because be fruitful multiply

00:15:42.980 God says it twice. He says it to Adam and Eve. He also says it to Noah when he gets off the ark.

00:15:48.980 And we know that God isn't interested in just more bodies with pulses. Like, don't go make

00:15:54.560 more humans. Like, that's not what he's saying. He's saying, go make more people who love and

00:15:58.580 know me. And we know that because when he says it to Noah, he just destroyed possibly a billion

00:16:04.880 people. And so it's not like just create more bodies. No, the command is be fruitful. The

00:16:12.380 fruits of the Spirit. Be fruitful and multiply, right? Multiply people who love me and who know

00:16:18.480 me. And so a couple things, guys. I'm going to give you guys just some basic, I guess, apologetics

00:16:25.180 of this concept of children is I'm going to give you some population calculation. That's a cool

00:16:31.100 rhyme right there, right? So if you have a thousand couples that live in a community and they each

00:16:37.420 have two kids and their kids get married and each have two kids and their kids get married and each

00:16:42.360 have two kids, 1,000 years from today, that community will have 1,000 couples. Literally

00:16:47.160 zero population growth with two children. You actually need three children to have any

00:16:52.820 sort of population growth. And so if there is a biblical command that we could even come

00:16:58.600 to for a number, I guess it would be three. Now, I'm not saying that... A couple things.

00:17:05.380 One is that I don't think it's about a number. I don't think the Bible is all about... It's

00:17:12.360 perspective. It's about, it's about recognizing that children are what God is doing here on the

00:17:20.620 earth. Like if you want to know what the Lord's doing, just look down in a crib, look down below

00:17:26.840 waist height, look at the next generation. This is what God is doing in the world. He's raising up

00:17:31.680 the next generation of godly soldiers for his kingdom, for ambassadors of Christ. That's what

00:17:37.340 God is doing. And so it's not about how many kids. Don't ask that question. We don't even have a

00:17:41.780 number. If someone asks us how many kids we want to have, we, we go, I don't know. You know, we've,

00:17:46.840 we've said before, I don't know, maybe somewhere between five and 10, but we don't know. We don't

00:17:51.660 know how many of the Lord's going to give us. We do want more, but we, yeah, we've had two

00:17:54.900 miscarriages. Veronica has been pregnant five times. Technically. Yes. Yeah. You know? And so, 0.95

00:17:59.420 so we've had this, this journey. So again, just, it's not about the number. It's about a kingdom

00:18:03.540 perspective. Yeah. And do you think Satan is excited about a biblical husband or wife

00:18:09.340 having and raising kids who love jesus yeah not excited not excited at all he's definitely

00:18:15.280 threatened by that yeah and do you think the enemy is happy with more soldiers being born

00:18:19.460 to defend his plans or to defeat his plans i mean this is and that's what really what kids are right

00:18:25.120 i mean we are raising up a generation to defeat satan's plan we're going to train them to defend

00:18:31.400 the truth um yeah this is a threat to the kingdom of satan yeah and if you're a christian mother

00:18:36.080 listening to the show like just know that you are dangerous to the kingdom of satan and let me tell

00:18:42.140 you why yeah that's actually a good point and this is fun we we've we actually read a this is a this

00:18:46.680 is a reference from a devotional that i was reading by nancy campbell yeah and it's just awesome and

00:18:52.560 so yeah just read off these points because they're so good is that if you're a christian mother

00:18:56.540 you're a threat to the kingdom of satan yeah it says every time you raise a godly child the more

00:19:02.420 of a threat you'll be to the works of the devil the more evil will be defeated in the land the

00:19:07.340 more the kingdom of god will be advanced the more the gospel will spread across the earth the more

00:19:12.460 the image of god will be seen by a broken world righteousness and morality will grow in the nation

00:19:17.460 justice honesty and love will overflow in the world and the more god will be glorified in the

00:19:22.800 earth okay so children are not about you having these little critters run around your house

00:19:28.180 yeah they're also not about um just bringing you joy for the people that just want to have kids to

00:19:33.660 make them happy yeah it's it's not about that the biblical perspective is that that when you have

00:19:39.280 kids they are they're furthering the kingdom of god the more the gospel will be preached the

00:19:45.780 further the kingdom of heaven will be advanced the the more honesty and and morality and truth

00:19:51.480 that'll be put across your land i mean all these things happen when when christian couples have

00:19:56.640 godly children and raise them to know the Lord and stop, you know, just preventing kids, but

00:20:01.800 actually say, you know, we want what God wants for our family. I remember someone asked me, he said,

00:20:06.760 imagine if you get to stand before the Lord, and he goes, here's the children you were supposed to

00:20:10.860 have. And I remember that being just a convicting statement. There's no doctrine to back that

00:20:16.000 question up, but just a question of going, what if God had children for us that we closed off to,

00:20:22.580 you know adoptive or or natural you know um so anyways that's my small rant but i'll close here

00:20:31.520 with a couple practical stuff here um and so again we shouldn't be asking how many kids we

00:20:36.700 should have that's not the question we should be going god lord your will be done now you guys

00:20:42.960 might have a season veronica and i just had a miscarriage and so we're taking a small break

00:20:47.940 a season, you know, of just going, okay, Lord, just, you know, it says in 1 Peter 3, 7.

00:20:53.320 But we're not taking a break out of fear.

00:20:54.880 Not bringing it, no, I'm taking a break because I love Veronica.

00:20:59.220 It says, 1 Peter 3, 7, husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, according

00:21:03.400 to understanding.

00:21:04.300 Be gentle with them.

00:21:05.880 Yeah, Veronica's body's not ready for this right now.

00:21:08.160 She needs some time.

00:21:08.980 Her emotions need some time.

00:21:10.300 And I could stand before the Lord and say, God, I'm not doing this out of selfish desire.

00:21:14.520 I'm not doing this out of fear, faithlessness.

00:21:16.400 I'm doing this because I want to protect my bride.

00:21:19.220 And so, but we, our hearts toward kids are awesome.

00:21:22.040 We love kids.

00:21:22.740 Yeah, I would love to have more children.

00:21:24.080 Yeah, we want more children.

00:21:25.140 We want, we want what God wants for us.

00:21:27.320 So there's a way that Veronica and I have kind of evaluated

00:21:30.160 if our desires are getting in the way of God's plans.

00:21:36.440 And the way we've done this is just a fun, simple thing that we've,

00:21:39.920 I don't want to say it's fun.

00:21:41.260 It's actually terrifying.

00:21:42.240 It's a challenge.

00:21:43.440 it's a challenge challenging thing to examine your your heart against the word of god yeah and so

00:21:49.360 um what we're going to do is is ask you guys if you're if you're if you've kind of said no more

00:21:55.280 kids uh or we're done yeah have do a little exercise that we do yeah and so get a whiteboard

00:22:00.460 or a piece of paper and i want you to make three columns and um in these three columns i want you

00:22:05.820 to write three words the first one is selfishness the second column is faithlessness and the third

00:22:11.480 column is fear. And I want you to come up with every reason that you don't want to have kids,

00:22:18.080 however good you think they are. And whether that's prevention or that's birth control,

00:22:24.380 whether that's just we're just done, whatever it is. And I want you to put those, see if any of

00:22:30.540 those answers or those reasons fit in one of those three categories. Is it founded in selfishness?

00:22:36.740 is it founded in faithlessness

00:22:38.680 like we don't actually believe

00:22:40.580 that God will provide for us

00:22:41.760 or take care of us

00:22:42.600 we don't have enough money

00:22:43.400 we don't have enough know-how

00:22:45.240 we're not in a good position

00:22:47.160 is it about fear

00:22:49.080 we're afraid

00:22:49.860 we're afraid of the future

00:22:52.180 of this culture

00:22:53.260 we don't want to have any more kids

00:22:54.400 because we don't want to bring them

00:22:54.960 into a broken world

00:22:55.920 that's the bad perspective

00:22:58.480 to have right there

00:22:59.120 because no we need more 0.97

00:23:01.040 you can't win a culture war 1.00

00:23:02.620 without any babies 0.88

00:23:04.120 without any soldiers

00:23:05.000 without any soldiers yeah

00:23:06.100 you can't do that um so that's a fun exercise it's revealing yeah yeah definitely it's you can

00:23:13.780 see it before your eyes instead of it just being thoughts in your head and a lot of times it'll

00:23:18.580 bring conviction and just a lot of clarity like okay this is how my mind is working this is how

00:23:23.160 i'm thinking and this is not how god wants me to be thinking yeah god doesn't want you to be

00:23:28.200 preventing children because of selfishness faithlessness and fear now if there's a reason

00:23:34.600 We know friends that have had to take certain medication

00:23:36.900 they couldn't get pregnant on for a time. 1.00

00:23:38.740 That's a valid reason. 1.00

00:23:40.520 We know reasons because women have had pregnancies 1.00

00:23:42.800 that the doctor says, 1.00

00:23:43.820 hey, I don't think it's safe for you to have another baby.

00:23:47.360 And protection, there's those reasons.

00:23:49.880 We've had reasons that we're in,

00:23:52.900 you know, that it's just not the right time.

00:23:55.120 People with bad anxiety might have panic attacks

00:23:57.900 and they have to take certain med...

00:23:58.880 We understand those reasons.

00:24:00.920 But in general, take those three.

00:24:03.820 um, categories and see, uh, if your reasons are actually bad reasons. Um, okay. Wow. That was

00:24:11.820 heavy. I feel like we got like quiet and like, Hey, so, um, okay. We're going to move on to

00:24:16.720 questions. Veronica is going to read the question. We only have one question cause it's today's show

00:24:19.300 is a little bit long. So we want to. Yeah. And if you guys have any questions that you want us to

00:24:24.100 answer the podcast, go ahead and just send them over to support at ultimate marriage.com. And we

00:24:29.160 get your questions. Um, some of the ones we can't answer because they're a little bit more

00:24:33.360 specific to that person's situation, but in general, if it has something to do with marriage

00:24:38.360 that a lot of people can benefit from, go ahead and send them our way. Um, and this week's question

00:24:43.360 is how do you guys navigate watching any sort of television shows and movies? It seems like you

00:24:51.220 can't watch any shows or movies these days without at least one sex scene in it. Yeah. So, um, I'll,

00:24:57.500 start, and Veronica can add here. The main thing is this. When you're thinking about television

00:25:04.280 or music or anything, are you entertained by what breaks God's heart? Are you finding joy

00:25:13.500 in what God finds disgusting? Are you laughing? Are you finding humor in what the Lord finds

00:25:25.420 despising um if you are as a christian um and you're not having that conviction or not listening

00:25:33.280 to it that's sinful that's sinful you actually need to be repentant of that um and uh yeah

00:25:41.300 veronica and i have have seen lots of christian couples that have walked in they just watch all

00:25:45.580 types of stuff do you remember that um that party we got invited to years ago yeah we was it dexter

00:25:52.720 or Game of Thrones or something.

00:25:54.120 I don't know.

00:25:54.700 They're all kind of the same.

00:25:55.840 We've never seen them.

00:25:57.320 Well, I guess you're like,

00:25:58.940 okay, is this your Dexter or something?

00:26:00.460 Turn it on for a half hour and I go,

00:26:02.180 oh my God, this is horrible.

00:26:02.920 Yeah, this is a terrible show.

00:26:04.980 We should not be watching this.

00:26:07.400 So yeah, we just...

00:26:08.280 But they had a party, 1.00

00:26:09.160 like of all Christians coming and watching

00:26:10.740 the show together every week. 0.98

00:26:14.180 Like, let's all go watch

00:26:15.240 the pornographic TV show together.

00:26:17.580 Like, I just go, what? 0.92

00:26:18.860 Let's all watch the murderers, 0.99

00:26:20.500 murder people together. 0.92

00:26:21.340 like this is broken thinking people um so it's disturbing so what do we watch um we watch

00:26:29.320 um some hgtv house shows 90s shows old old stuff and honestly most of the time that dale and i do

00:26:38.200 watch these types of shows is when we're laying down in bed falling asleep like we don't really

00:26:42.360 watch them around our kids our kids um we're not completely like 100 against tv there are a lot of

00:26:48.580 watch shows here and there but i'll tell you there's a good at least solid five days out of

00:26:53.700 the week where our tv doesn't turn on at all especially in the summer i'm like get outside

00:26:59.520 go play let's burn some energy um yeah the kids watch kit again we watch things clifford things

00:27:06.280 from like our childhood the berenstein bears berenstein bears yeah exactly i mean there's

00:27:11.200 these are some of the shows that we we allow and we're actually very strict about movies

00:27:15.660 the kids um we bought lots of movies that were like yeah we'll buy them because they're on apple

00:27:21.500 tv and i'm like okay well everyone else likes this movie maybe i'll buy it and then we can watch it

00:27:25.720 later and we'll own it on our apple tv and five minutes into it i have to turn it off yeah and i

00:27:31.620 mean and so it's just in our queue we we own it but they don't watch it and so when the kids get

00:27:36.420 older we'll be a little more lenient when they can defend in their own heart and mind now our kids

00:27:40.620 are small but if they were like seven or eight we would maybe get like a little bit less you know

00:27:44.700 okay and explain what's going on and when they're 10 12 and when they're 13 14 and 16 like they need

00:27:49.720 to be able to have their own discernment yeah our kids are just in they're in such formative years

00:27:53.200 right now yeah so they just are more careful yeah and and i want to say one thing is that people who

00:27:58.140 watch lots of tv um if you're watching lots of tv right now um i want you guys just to wake up to

00:28:04.380 this because one the reasons people watch lots of tv is that you don't have vision of god's kingdom

00:28:09.280 um you uh are escaping something um or you're lazy that's generally the reasons that people

00:28:17.500 watch lots of tv day in and day out so if that's you just like hey get some vision the reason

00:28:22.540 people sometimes struggle with these things they don't have a vision god's kingdom the world is

00:28:27.740 lost go therefore and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the father

00:28:32.680 the son of the holy spirit the great commission we have work to do um so i want to just get you

00:28:37.900 guys there um we got a memory verse this this week yeah dale mentioned it earlier he referenced it

00:28:43.380 earlier um but this week's memory verse is going to be psalm 127 3 through 5 behold children are

00:28:49.940 a heritage from the lord the fruit of the womb is a reward like arrows in the hand of a warrior

00:28:54.980 so are the children of one's youth happy is the man who has his quiver full of them they shall

00:29:00.980 not be ashamed but shall speak with their enemies in the gate yeah lots of deep theology behind this

00:29:08.280 so a quiver guys if you guys don't know what a quiver is it's the container in which you put

00:29:12.200 your arrows in you know like a guy has like robin hood it's like a quiver on his back and he pulls

00:29:16.720 an arrow and he shoots them out into the world that's how the bible views children is that no

00:29:22.920 you're stoked when you got a lot of arrows and you get to shoot them out to do god's work in the

00:29:28.580 world and the kingdom um here in this culture today so um okay i think that's it we're gonna

00:29:34.820 just close with a couple things uh housekeeping i think i said it right this time um okay so

00:29:41.120 one if you guys would be so generous to just leave a review the reviews actually really help

00:29:46.700 the exposure of the show because itunes algorithm in terms of how they're revealed we've actually

00:29:51.660 This show has made it to the top 10 in Christian podcasts,

00:29:56.300 over 53,000 podcasts.

00:29:58.620 That's insane.

00:29:59.280 This is episode six?

00:30:00.720 Seven.

00:30:01.320 Seven?

00:30:01.680 Okay.

00:30:02.000 Yeah, and so we're—

00:30:03.020 That's crazy.

00:30:03.820 We're humbled, but people are writing us and saying,

00:30:06.940 this is changing our marriage, and we're humbled by it.

00:30:10.100 It's not us.

00:30:10.800 It's the Lord's—it's the scriptures that are doing this.

00:30:13.820 And so those reviews are a way to actually help further this message

00:30:18.900 to other Christian couples.

00:30:21.280 Also, the show notes, the video of this podcast, the audio of this podcast that you can download,

00:30:28.240 where you can subscribe, all the scripture, all the quotes, the memory verse, an introduction to the topic,

00:30:34.500 all of it is available at ultimatemarriage.com.

00:30:36.960 Just go to the podcast section.

00:30:38.680 This is episode number seven.

00:30:40.700 So, again, thanks for watching us today, guys, or being with us today.

00:30:45.200 And we'll bring you guys another show coming up next Wednesday.

00:30:49.940 See ya.

00:30:50.280 See you guys.

00:30:53.420 Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.

00:30:56.260 If you're homesick for a stronger marriage, visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com

00:31:00.400 and consider enrolling in our one-year online marriage mentor program.

00:31:04.100 Also, if you're interested in learning more about building a better marriage,

00:31:07.040 follow Veronica and I on social media where each week we share tips,

00:31:10.300 tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:31:20.280 We'll be right back.

Dale Partridge - August 22, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #07： How Many Children Should Christians Have？ A Biblical Perspective

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