Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #10： 5 Sensitive Questions Most Couple Have Never Had Answered

00:00:00.000 welcome to ultimate marriage today we are going to be doing a little bit of Q&A usually we have

00:00:17.520 a bit of a topical conversation for you guys but today we're just gonna be answering a lot

00:00:23.460 of the questions that we get sent in yeah we usually have a time at the end of a podcast to

00:00:28.020 answer one or two questions, but we get so many questions now, um, that we feel bad that we're

00:00:35.320 not getting to some of them because some of them are really, really good. And I think we have some

00:00:38.280 great questions to answer, uh, for you guys today. Um, a couple of things I wanted to announce is

00:00:45.500 one, I could be wrong, but I think we might be as of now the most highly rated and the most

00:00:53.400 rated marriage podcast on iTunes. Okay. That's a crazy statement. So thank you guys for leaving

00:01:00.700 your reviews. I think we have over 700 and something, almost 800 reviews, which is a

00:01:07.220 reason is because of those reviews. So thank you. Yeah. So thank you. So if you guys, um, again,

00:01:13.000 would be willing to leave a review on iTunes, all you do is just tap the stars. You don't even need

00:01:17.400 to write anything. If you want to write something, we like, we look at every single review and read

00:01:21.940 it. So if you want to write it, write it. If you don't, don't. Also, again, if you're listening to

00:01:29.460 this on iTunes, just know that you can also listen to this as a YouTube video. We record this. We're

00:01:35.120 in our studio right now recording. Our kids are sleeping in the other building because we're in

00:01:42.460 our studio outside of our property. We have a monitor, though, so we can see them. Yeah, we can

00:01:46.040 see them. And, um, and we're leaving for vacation tomorrow. Yep. Tomorrow morning. Yeah. So we're

00:01:51.940 going to Idaho. Um, yeah. So by the time you guys are listening to this podcast, we will be in

00:01:56.720 Idaho. We will be in Idaho. Yeah. Um, we're not ahead on our podcasts with like we're recording

00:02:01.620 this and these are going out and I wish we were, but we're not because we've just been walking

00:02:05.280 through some hard stuff and we haven't been able to have a chance to catch up. So, um, a couple

00:02:09.500 things. The content today is possibly on some of the questions is a little sensitive. So if you're

00:02:16.560 listening to this and there's children around or you have it on blast because there's public ears,

00:02:22.280 you just might want to be careful because there's some sexual conversation that we're going to be

00:02:27.100 having today. I'm glad that you said that. Yeah. Just reading through our Q&A, I was like,

00:02:32.420 hopefully nobody's listening to this with their kids in the car. Yeah. And so also a couple of

00:02:37.840 things I want to say is that these questions, they're great questions. They are a bit of an

00:02:44.060 evidence that people don't have somebody to turn to in their real life to ask these questions.

00:02:50.460 And that's sad because the Lord wants us to have that biblical community. So again,

00:02:54.760 we want to encourage you guys to get biblical community established so that you guys can have

00:03:00.840 these types of questions, not through a podcast, but also through, I should say, not just through

00:03:06.620 a podcast because it is good. It is good content for us to have a conversation about, but also with

00:03:10.720 a true biblical community of other families or other couples that are walking out the scriptures

00:03:15.700 with you. So yeah, let's dive in. Oh, you know what? There's another announcement that I want

00:03:21.060 to make. If you guys are not listening or if you guys are not enrolled currently in our Ultimate

00:03:25.920 Marriage program, we have a one-year marriage mentor program. Some of you guys have heard

00:03:31.080 about it when we do our little ad in the middle of our show. We are collecting people who want to

00:03:37.000 be notified now. We have several hundred people waiting to be in the next group. We have currently

00:03:40.940 370 couples that are in our first group, which is a one-year program. It's awesome. We go into

00:03:48.480 super detail on what it means to have a biblical marriage. And it's very fun. We have a great

00:03:54.220 community, tons of questions in our private Facebook group. If you're interested in being

00:04:00.120 involved in the next group, go to ultimate marriage.com forward slash notify and just put

00:04:05.760 your, your, um, email name and phone number in there and we won't spam you. I promise, but we

00:04:11.340 will reach out to you guys soon. Um, okay. Veronica is going to read some of these questions and

00:04:16.440 okay guys, let's get started. So question runner, well, actually before we get into question number

00:04:21.220 one, um, I just wanted to say that a lot of these questions that we get sent or they get sent in

00:04:26.400 are repetitive questions a lot of the same types of questions from different people and so we kind

00:04:33.700 of condensed them and we chose the questions based off the ones that are kind of submitted the most

00:04:39.580 yeah totally yeah so go ahead and read number one all righty so let's get started now question

00:04:45.380 number one my fiance and i are in school still and when we get married i will be working full 0.69

00:04:50.380 time to provide while he is in grad school full time if god designed the woman's role to be the 0.98

00:04:55.140 homemaker, is it unbiblical for her to be working a job outside of the home? Yeah, so a couple things 0.99

00:05:00.780 that I want to say. First thing is, you know, her question stated there, is it unbiblical for her?

00:05:06.560 Oh, God designed the woman's role to be the homemaker. So one is that I believe that God 0.79

00:05:12.160 designed the wife's role to be the homemaker. At least that's the scriptural perspective on it. 0.86

00:05:17.280 Now, does it kind of imply that that's a woman's role? Sure, but it's directly implied as a wifely 1.00

00:05:22.440 duty, not necessarily a single woman's duty. Now, can a single woman keep a home? Absolutely. 1.00

00:05:28.120 We know lots of single women that keep a fantastic home. But again, that doctrine is very much 0.91

00:05:33.900 specific to a wifely duty. And the reason is, is that if you have your single life, when you give

00:05:40.420 that single life up for a marital life, that marital life has roles associated with it. And

00:05:46.140 you are no longer pursuing as a single adult, you're actually pursuing what God says the marital

00:05:50.920 role. You are actually somebody's helper at that point, fulfilling the call that God has on your

00:05:56.340 life together as a couple. And in that category or in that marital role, one of the jobs is to

00:06:04.800 keep the home. Yeah, it reminds me of the scripture, Titus 2. It's talking to the older women

00:06:10.320 specifically, but all of us women are older than somebody. Yeah, and the idea is the older women 1.00

00:06:16.000 teaching the younger women. Yeah, how to love their husbands, how to love their children, 1.00

00:06:19.740 to be discreet, chaste, to be keeper at home, meaning the heart of your ministry should be in

00:06:27.660 the home or at least stem from the home. Yeah. So if you're a woman, if you're a woman or a wife,

00:06:33.300 I mean, specifically a wife, the heart of your ministry should be in the home. And it's very

00:06:38.760 difficult to accomplish that if you're gone all the time. It's very hard to have the heart of

00:06:48.320 your ministry stemming from the home, if you're working 40, 50, 60 hours a week, if you have a

00:06:52.540 40-hour job, you're gone generally about 50 hours a week because of the commute time and the lunch

00:06:58.800 times between there. So it's a lot of commitment to be out of the home. And if you said that you

00:07:06.060 had kids, I know you guys are not married yet, I would say this would be different. I don't think

00:07:11.380 that it would be wise. If this was your forever plan, I don't think that would be wise either.

00:07:17.940 But because this is a season, because this is a, hey, the way that I'm actually going to help my

00:07:24.120 husband is that I'm going to work so he could finish some school, and then we're going to go

00:07:27.520 flip back into our proper marital roles, where he is the provider, the general provider protector,

00:07:33.200 all the instruction of providing in the scriptures, do talk to men to do that. And then all the

00:07:38.800 nurturing the home keeping and keeping all that other side together, especially when there's 0.94

00:07:42.980 children in the picture are generally pointed towards the wives. And so, um, getting back in 0.70

00:07:48.940 that perspective, I think is important. Yeah. Because a full-time wife with a part, sorry,

00:07:56.040 I messed that line up. A, uh, a full-time home with a part-time wife and mother is not a healthy 0.64

00:08:01.820 place to be. No, it's a very dangerous place to be in terms of just a, yeah, being absent, um,

00:08:07.920 from that and there's so many full-time homes with part-time mothers right now and that's

00:08:12.600 actually that's not there's is there not enough work to do no i was gonna say our homes our

00:08:18.840 husbands our children require a lot more of our love our care our attention than what we'd be

00:08:24.140 able to give them if we worked only part-time in the home yeah oh i just go like is there any way

00:08:31.120 that you could possibly have a part-time job without compromising your ministry compromising

00:08:36.120 Yeah.

00:08:36.780 Yeah, no, no way.

00:08:37.940 There's no way. 1.00

00:08:38.800 I mean, there's so much work for Veronica here that she can barely keep up.

00:08:43.480 There's no, like, she can barely keep up with these podcasts in terms of just us getting out here.

00:08:48.420 We're, you know, I'm helping her with notes and we're having a conversation before, but it's a lot of work.

00:08:53.220 Yeah, we're doing it when our kids are in bed.

00:08:54.820 Yeah.

00:08:55.260 And I know that this is an option. 0.99

00:08:56.800 This is not an option for every woman out there. 0.95

00:08:59.620 But if this is you and you are working full time or you're even working part time,

00:09:02.960 I just want to encourage you to have the conversation with your husband.

00:09:05.760 to be working towards getting back into the biblical role

00:09:10.920 and having your ministry stem from home.

00:09:13.000 Yeah, the last episode we talked about money is that, you know,

00:09:15.320 so much, we desire so much that we put these pressures on our income

00:09:20.780 that we need to make more to have more.

00:09:23.160 In reality, we can actually kind of start cutting some of those expenses

00:09:27.160 so that we can get into where the husband provides 0.83

00:09:30.700 and the wife can take care of the home. 0.87

00:09:33.540 Now, if there's no kids, again, that's a different thing, because you can keep the home and still have a full-time job, in my opinion.

00:09:40.860 And I don't think there's anything unbiblical about having a job as a woman or a wife.

00:09:45.580 However, when it compromises your ability to fulfill your first ministry, then it becomes a problem.

00:09:55.040 And so, yeah, it's not unbiblical.

00:09:57.620 Get back into your roles when that season ends.

00:10:01.200 Get back into your roles when children become part of the picture and set yourself up to multiply and set yourself up to produce godly children and to build a godly home.

00:10:13.980 And so that's my advice on that question.

00:10:16.760 We get that question all the time. 0.99

00:10:17.880 It's not unbiblical to work as a woman as long as it doesn't compromise your first ministry. 0.67

00:10:25.680 Okay.

00:10:26.560 Question number two.

00:10:27.440 So, I am away from my wife often for work and really struggle with the sexuality component. 0.96

00:10:34.560 I know pornography is sinful, but what about masturbation? 0.57

00:10:38.060 Is there a way for that to be healthy in a marriage? 0.83

00:10:41.520 I just imagine everybody blushing when they hear that word, right?

00:10:44.640 It's a bad...

00:10:45.140 Hopefully your kids aren't listening.

00:10:47.860 It's a pretty awkward word.

00:10:50.340 Okay, so this is a good question because I think it's some of the questions that a lot of people have,

00:10:56.200 but not many people are bold enough to ask.

00:10:59.640 And so I'm going to answer it with some scripture.

00:11:03.240 So first is, one, he says he's away a lot.

00:11:08.340 And I actually know there's lots of military husbands.

00:11:10.720 There's lots of people that have work schedules that take them away.

00:11:14.260 And I want to bring scripture to bear down on that context.

00:11:17.600 So 1 Corinthians 7, 5 says,

00:11:19.280 do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting

00:11:26.320 and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self

00:11:32.880 control. So one, that scripture tells us that we shouldn't be depriving our, setting ourselves up,

00:11:39.260 our lives up, our schedules up in a way that deprives our bodies from each other. You know,

00:11:47.220 if you're like gone for a couple days, it's not a big deal.

00:11:50.200 But if you're these people that are, I'm gone for two weeks or three months or two months at a time,

00:11:55.400 I would really encourage you, if it's possible, to reconsider your career path.

00:12:02.900 I've constantly heard in the marriage ministry, people that are away from each other all the time

00:12:07.840 really struggle with this area.

00:12:10.240 Pornography, sexual sin, sexual infidelity, adultery, all types of stuff

00:12:16.220 that's happening. So I would encourage you, remember that if you feel called to that job, 0.88

00:12:21.960 remember that God's calling on your life will not compromise your first ministry, which is your

00:12:28.300 wife or your husband and your family. And so that's the first thing is be very careful

00:12:35.260 on just having a life that puts you away from each other for long periods of time.

00:12:40.700 um the second part uh do you have anything to add to that no okay um first corinthians 7 4 the

00:12:50.020 verse right before the verse that i just read says uh and this is kind of approaching the

00:12:54.860 masturbation conversation which is no intention to rhyme there but i guess we'll bring some humor

00:12:59.220 in it um is the wife it says the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband

00:13:06.740 does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

00:13:14.340 So in reality, you know, masturbation is ultimately, you don't really have that choice

00:13:22.200 because actually my body is actually, I don't have authority over it, but my wife does, 0.52

00:13:27.220 Veronica does. And Veronica doesn't have authority over her body, but I do. And so

00:13:31.860 my opinion is that sex by yourself is sex outside of marriage. Now, I want to give you some context

00:13:40.240 on that because that's a pretty bold statement. Now, if your spouse knows about it, if your spouse

00:13:47.220 approves it, if your thoughts and intentions are pointed toward your spouse and not committing

00:13:54.900 adultery in your heart. You're not doing it in secret. You're not doing it in secret. And I know

00:13:59.900 I know that there is lots of people listening today that do this in secret, and that is not okay.

00:14:07.760 One, again, your spouse has authority over your own body or over your body.

00:14:13.040 You do not have authority over your body.

00:14:15.520 And they need to know about it.

00:14:18.340 They need to be involved in it if they can be in terms of, and, you know, this happens all the time.

00:14:24.900 I mean, Veronica, you can talk about just the reality of kid life.

00:14:28.980 um is that that during seasons of children there's times where we we can't um yeah i mean if

00:14:37.340 i'm 38 39 weeks pregnant and just absolutely extremely uncomfortable or or the eight weeks

00:14:45.640 after or yeah it's usually about six weeks for most women for for me i take longer to heal so

00:14:51.680 lucky dale gets to wait a good eight to ten weeks at least yeah um but yeah you just kind of have

00:14:57.900 to get creative you do is um our elder likes to say there's more than one way to skin a cat

00:15:03.120 yeah so um i think that you just need to take into consideration um your spouse's needs and

00:15:13.900 desires and if you're away then have those sometimes awkward and hard conversations they

00:15:21.240 are they're awkward and hard they're awkward and hard when you're not used to having those

00:15:25.280 conversations the more you have them the more you have them the less awkward they get and the less

00:15:29.140 uncomfortable they get and this is protecting your marriage yeah it's total proactive protecting

00:15:33.860 your marriage um but yeah it just gets way less awkward and uncomfortable because it's just

00:15:38.320 faced with reality that if you are used to being intimate with your spouse

00:15:45.060 you know every few days or however long your frequency is and then all of a sudden that's

00:15:51.020 taken away because of a work trip or they you're leaving on a trip for some reason or your

00:15:56.260 postpartum or your postpartum whatever it is or health issues um then yeah you need to have those

00:16:01.720 conversations with your spouse yeah and i mean it could be as simple i mean veronica will as a wife

00:16:07.800 pay attention to this because veronica will ask me in those seasons that we have those seasons

00:16:12.580 you know with postpartum or whatever she'll ask me how you doing you know and those are are you

00:16:17.260 struggling are you struggling yeah and it's just proactive stuff and i know it's vulnerable and

00:16:22.700 it's awkward to even talk about but it's really good for your marriage and just have the conversation

00:16:28.460 to protect your marriage there um and you know there's there's not um there's not a lot of

00:16:37.580 clarity on this area we're taking principles of scripture and applying to them to that so i hold

00:16:43.500 this doctrine loosely in terms of, you know, is it sinful? Is it not sinful? That's my take on it,

00:16:48.920 what I shared with you a few minutes ago. But one statement that I always say is that

00:16:53.360 where scripture is clear, God looks at our actions. Where scripture is obscure,

00:17:00.460 God looks at our hearts. And so are you trying to do something, you know, secretively? You know,

00:17:08.040 are you away from your wife, you know, not telling her, and when she does ask, you actually say,

00:17:11.600 oh, I've been fine, everything's been good.

00:17:13.760 I haven't been tempted to look at pornography

00:17:15.260 or I haven't, you know, released myself

00:17:18.580 or whatever it might be.

00:17:19.760 It's important to get that out

00:17:23.340 and just get your marriage clear of that stuff

00:17:25.540 and have those conversations.

00:17:26.820 So difficult question to answer,

00:17:30.680 but I think we did it.

00:17:31.500 But hey, very, very common one that we get a lot.

00:17:36.280 So question number three, 0.97

00:17:37.500 what steps should a biblical woman take

00:17:39.340 to introduce her husband to the word of God?

00:17:41.600 I hear this question pretty frequently, and I would say just let him see you reading the scriptures.

00:17:50.120 When you wake up in the morning, go downstairs or wherever your kitchen is, make yourself a cup of coffee and sit down and start reading the Bible.

00:17:57.160 And if he's open to it, you know, maybe he's not, you know, hard line, shut off to the word of God.

00:18:03.000 I would just try and engage him in a conversation and say, hey, I read something really interesting.

00:18:07.700 Can I tell you about it?

00:18:09.220 And maybe ask him a question about it.

00:18:11.160 Try and engage and pique his interest in whatever it is that you're reading.

00:18:16.460 But if not, I would, you know, lean back on Scripture in 1 Peter 3.1, which we have read a million times in this podcast.

00:18:26.660 And it's wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word,

00:18:31.420 they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your pure conduct accompanied by reverence.

00:18:38.460 so I just want to highlight that part where it says without a word if he is shut off to it then

00:18:45.380 just do it anyway read the scriptures without a word though you don't need to necessarily say

00:18:50.620 anything to him but if you're following the scriptures the Holy Spirit has a power of

00:18:55.440 of moving and working in your husband's heart accompanied with prayer yeah and know this that

00:19:01.120 you know if you have a non-believing husband the scriptures still apply in terms of you know

00:19:06.960 wives, be submissive to your own husbands as to the Lord, that way, that scripture means to be

00:19:16.200 submissive into all things that are lawful, meaning that things that aren't going to be

00:19:20.500 making you sin against the Lord and things that aren't illegal. And the reason I say that again

00:19:25.180 is Romans 12, 2 talks about God's perfect will. And we know that Romans 13 says that we need to

00:19:31.680 be following the laws of the land as Christians. And so I don't think that Paul is going to force

00:19:38.760 you in a position in that doctrine to disobey one of his other doctrines that was written by

00:19:44.120 the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. So again, that's my take on that scripture. And so a couple

00:19:51.940 things, yeah, on that scripture. I like the word where it says, okay, I'm going to read it,

00:19:57.080 wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they 0.55

00:20:01.080 without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives when 0.95

00:20:04.860 they observe. So that word is important, when they 0.99

00:20:09.020 observe. Your husband will observe. And he's not

00:20:12.960 going to just observe your Bible reading. He's going to observe if you're a hypocrite 1.00

00:20:16.900 or not. Well, it says observe your pure conduct accompanied 0.99

00:20:20.820 by reverence. Yeah, so he's going to find out, oh, cool. So he's going to be

00:20:24.960 watching to see the authenticity of that scripture permeating throughout your behavior.

00:20:30.660 And your pure conduct, and that's what that talks about, the word in some translation is chaste

00:20:36.420 conduct. And accompanied, some translations will say fear, that word is reverence. And it means

00:20:43.940 that you're actually still walking in a really huge respect for your husband. You combined that

00:20:50.760 kind of non-hypocritical content of the scriptures, the reading of it, and this giant respect for your

00:20:57.840 husband, and this consistency of that over time, accompanied with prayer for your husband, and

00:21:05.660 letting the Holy Spirit do the heavy lifting and not your mouth, that's a game changer. The Holy

00:21:13.160 Spirit is really good at his job. Amen. Oh, and then one last thing. Watch, if you can, if he's

00:21:18.620 interested watch uh lee strobel's the case for christ the new movie that came out i was really

00:21:23.900 impressed um i just thought it was a good movie for people that are kind of like on the fence

00:21:28.800 on their faith and might just want something this guy has a very similar story wife believes

00:21:33.540 husband doesn't and it's just a really cool it's a really cool movie i think it's available on

00:21:38.120 netflix or prime yeah okay question four my husband and i are thinking about uh removing

00:21:44.480 our children from the public school system what does the bible say about educating our children

00:21:48.960 oh man all education is discipleship yes all education yeah so that's a good that's a good

00:21:56.700 way to open that is that all education is discipleship where's the war for your children's

00:22:01.560 heart where is satan playing for keeps yeah he it's happening in the public school system

00:22:07.800 guys um in the school system yeah just the public schools yeah in yeah and yeah so yeah exactly even

00:22:16.760 in the private school system so um again i want to preface this real quick is that we were both

00:22:22.240 public school kids i was private and public yeah private first and then going and then went to

00:22:28.560 public yeah and i was public my whole life and also i know that not every family can homeschool

00:22:35.240 and or private school it's not an option for everyone not an option for everyone if it can

00:22:40.780 be an option i say move heaven and earth to make it happen and here's why um proverbs 13 20 says

00:22:49.520 he who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will be destroyed that's a

00:22:54.820 conversation about okay well what does it take to be wise can you be secular and be wise no the 0.66

00:23:00.480 wisdom, it says, the scriptures say that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

00:23:06.500 So you cannot be wise without knowing God. So if you're putting your children into a public

00:23:13.020 school system that is very much against God, it produces actually theories of evolution,

00:23:20.060 and theories of atheism, and theories of emotional morality, and theories of moral relativism. Like

00:23:24.780 this is you won't be able to obey the scripture in terms of he who walks the wise will be wise 0.99

00:23:31.800 but the companion of fools will be destroyed are you putting your children under the headship of 0.96

00:23:36.780 fools or are you putting them under the headship of wise men in matthew 18 6 it says probably one 0.98

00:23:43.900 of the scariest scriptures around jesus is talking and i'm going to read what he says 0.98

00:23:48.040 he says but whoever causes one of these little ones this is right after they were just talking

00:23:53.420 about children, who believe in me to stumble. It would be better for him to have a millstone

00:23:58.980 wrapped around his neck and be drowned in the sea. Now, when Jesus talks about little ones, 0.71

00:24:04.040 he's not specifically talking about children. He's talking about little ones in the faith.

00:24:08.780 However, all children are little ones in the faith. And the warning is not to purposefully

00:24:18.460 choose to put your child who is undeveloped in their faith or underdeveloped in their faith

00:24:24.880 in a place of temptation, moral confusion, or secular seduction.

00:24:31.660 Our job as parents is to be very careful with our children. If we lead them astray because we put

00:24:39.960 them under an education system for 40 hours a week or whatever, that's us. Whoever causes one

00:24:47.960 of these little ones who believe in me to stumble it would be better for him to have a millstone 0.96

00:24:52.440 wrapped around his neck and be drowned in the sea yeah you you guys parents we need to not be fooled

00:24:57.640 because satan is playing for keeps and he wants the hearts and the minds of our kids yeah yeah

00:25:05.340 that's how you that's how he built his kingdom i mean if you want to see what why the culture has

00:25:10.220 turned the way it is i i give lots of credit to the public school system um for why the world has

00:25:17.260 changed the way that it has over the past you know 50 to 100 years do you happen to know you

00:25:22.140 because you did a youtube video or something like this specifically on this topic do you happen to

00:25:27.120 know how people can find that off the top of your head um if you just go to our youtube channel

00:25:30.760 where all of our shows are at it's also there available as well on on um the conversation of

00:25:35.300 a homeschool versus public school it's a pretty in-depth video i think it's about five to ten

00:25:38.840 minutes long um yeah so if you're interested and you're kind of on the fence if you want to take

00:25:45.020 your kid out or not. Dale does a whole five-minute video specifically on this topic, and we cover a

00:25:50.300 lot of it here. Yeah, and as Veronica said earlier, all education is discipleship, and if you're

00:25:56.760 sending your children to public school for 30 to 40 hours a week, how do you expect to out-disciple

00:26:02.300 that? Yeah, just remember God created you to be your child's parent. He specifically designed you

00:26:12.380 to be that child's parent so you are the best person to disciple your child we that's all we

00:26:19.660 are we're discipling our children and if we want them to grow up to be believers and we have to

00:26:26.160 be that example and pour into them and read the word and teach them the scriptures and

00:26:31.300 on top of all the other characteristics that they need to learn um and if you're because trust me i

00:26:38.640 had a really really challenging time in school um i had several teachers pass away i had several

00:26:46.400 teachers get fired i like by textbook definition i should not be qualified to homeschool my children

00:26:54.400 but i'm going to um because that's just what i feel like god has called us to do um but

00:27:00.480 But, yeah, I forgot my point, but I was just saying, God has designed you to be able to pour into your child's needs.

00:27:10.240 Yeah, absolutely.

00:27:11.160 And again, that idea there is that you're not going to out-disciple 30 to 40 hours a week.

00:27:15.880 It's just not going to happen.

00:27:16.700 You think that 60 minutes of drawing sketches of Noah's Ark on Sunday school or having some Bible reading time for 15 minutes in the morning is going to out-disciple and compete?

00:27:27.940 with the 30 to 40 hours a week of secular doctrine and ideology

00:27:33.160 that are being poured out on your children's minds,

00:27:35.520 along with a whole culture of children who are lost,

00:27:38.620 remember that God doesn't tell children to go be light in the world.

00:27:42.860 All that instruction for going to be a light and representing his kingdom is to adults.

00:27:47.460 It is not your child's job to go out and be a light in another child's life.

00:27:51.620 It's not his burden to bear.

00:27:52.880 Those are doctrines that are given to adults.

00:27:55.240 and i'm going to read you a a quote from atheist and communist vladimir lenin and he says give me

00:28:04.220 four years to teach the children and the seed that i have sown will never be uprooted and the bible

00:28:11.260 backs up that claim when it says train up the child train up a child in the way they should go

00:28:15.440 and when they are older they will not depart from it and so the idea is what vladimir lenin said is

00:28:22.060 that give me four years to teach the children the seed that i have sown will not be uprooted

00:28:26.500 yeah in whatever way you train your child that is not going to be uprooted whether it be

00:28:32.740 things for christ or not yeah secular things outside of a real inner encounter with jesus

00:28:40.200 christ himself the holy spirit moving like i and i've met adults that are the same as they were

00:28:47.200 trained broken and hurting when they were kids well you and i were not necessarily raised in

00:28:54.000 christian homes i mean like you know quasi yeah barely and so even though the holy spirit moved

00:29:02.960 into our life and we did give ourselves to christ and let god have lordship over our lives and we're

00:29:10.880 Christians now um the sin from our old life still has rubbed off on us and we still have to work

00:29:19.440 through those things to walk out our lives according to scripture yes absolutely because 1.00

00:29:25.600 that's the way we were trained yeah it was absolutely it's very true so hopefully that

00:29:30.500 helps answer that question for you guys number five uh what is your stance on denominations in

00:29:36.320 the church my boyfriend is catholic and i am a non-denominational or and i go to attend a

00:29:41.420 non-denominational church when we get married as a wife would i have to submit to his leadership

00:29:45.740 to raise our family catholic even if i don't feel that the catholic church helps me grow closer in

00:29:51.800 my personal relationship with god okay wow this is like a super touchy question here um and this

00:29:59.900 is our last question for this episode um a couple things and hear me when i say this because i want

00:30:06.940 to be respectful if we have some people that are listening to this podcast that are catholic

00:30:12.980 um from my understanding and from my study which i've done lots and i actually have

00:30:19.600 lots of i don't say lots i have a few really good catholic friends and i grew up catholic

00:30:25.460 Yeah. Veronica grew up Catholic. I went to Catholic school. That's what I said earlier. I went from private school to public school, but my private school years were in a Catholic school up until sixth grade.

00:30:36.880 Yeah, and theologically, at the core, Catholics aren't Christians. 0.79

00:30:41.980 Now, there are Christians in the Catholic Church, for sure.

00:30:46.040 I know several Catholics who are Christian.

00:30:49.560 But theologically speaking, Catholic theology and Christian theology do clash on some pretty big stuff.

00:30:56.460 I actually, in research for this question, looked up several articles.

00:31:01.340 One of them I read on the Gospel Coalition and a PhD in theology,

00:31:05.540 And he explained it really well and ultimately ended with how he answers this question about dating across denominational borders of Catholic and Christian.

00:31:18.580 The Protestant denominationalism, which we'll talk about next, is a different topic.

00:31:23.600 But Catholic and Christian are almost two religions that having different approaches to theology.

00:31:31.580 And his conclusion was to break up.

00:31:34.860 And let me get there to explain that real quick.

00:31:41.020 And Catholic theology is majorly different than biblical Christian theology.

00:31:47.240 So that's the biggest problem that you have for whoever asked this question,

00:31:53.020 is that if you want to be a biblical woman,

00:31:55.940 that's going to be a real hard thing to pull off in a Catholic marriage.

00:32:00.740 Secondly, you don't just want a Christian man.

00:32:04.860 You want a biblical man.

00:32:07.640 And you're not going to get that, generally speaking, out of someone who is a Catholic, 0.77

00:32:16.480 unless they're a Christian in the Catholic Church. 0.51

00:32:19.780 Because Catholics, well, Christians believe in sola scriptura, which is Latin for scripture alone.

00:32:27.500 And that is a, you know, Catholics know this, the Protestantism that was started by Martin Luther and several others back in the 1500s.

00:32:36.500 Lots of you guys have heard about the Reformation.

00:32:38.180 What that's about is the Reformed theology that comes out of the Catholic Church in the 1500s.

00:32:42.960 And, you know, the Catholics believe that the Pope's writing and church tradition are equal with the Bible.

00:32:51.080 Like they have the same authority. 0.57

00:32:53.320 And that throws kind of a big wrench in the biblical Christian's life.

00:32:58.720 And most Catholics I know don't really revere the scriptures the way that Protestant Christians do.

00:33:07.140 And so, again, I do believe there's a bit of an unequally yoked element here.

00:33:14.920 And, you know, and again, there's more things in terms of, you know, Christians believe that we're saved by grace through faith.

00:33:22.380 not by works lest anyone should boast, right?

00:33:25.860 Where Catholics do believe that it's saved by grace through faith, 0.91

00:33:29.480 but in addition with works.

00:33:30.940 There's the transubstantiation and the way that, you know, sacraments are viewed.

00:33:34.660 There's lots of different stuff that are different between Catholic theology

00:33:37.880 and Christian theology that aren't happening between all the Protestant denominations

00:33:44.000 in the church.

00:33:45.060 I do believe in general that Jesus is not a fan of denominations

00:33:50.880 inside the christian church um we know that because john chapter 17 where where where um

00:33:57.240 where jesus is praying it's called the high priestly prayer um he's right about to go get

00:34:03.000 crucified and he prays for the the future believers including you and i if you believe in jesus and he

00:34:10.240 says father i pray that they are one as as we are one and so this idea of denomination is a division

00:34:18.520 It's a dissension.

00:34:19.360 And I actually did a full video on denominations that you, again, can also watch on YouTube

00:34:26.520 that I go way more into detail and give you some more context.

00:34:29.900 So if you're freaking out because you're like a loyal Methodist or a loyal Lutheran

00:34:33.440 or whatever it might be, just watch that.

00:34:36.060 I think I did it with a humble heart and an opened hand, not a white-knuckled theology on that.

00:34:42.480 But Veronica can read the scripture, you know.

00:34:44.520 Yeah, the one there where Dale said, do not begin unequally yoked, is 2 Corinthians 6.4, if you wanted to look that up and research that.

00:34:52.520 And then also, remember, to the person who is writing this question, sounds like a woman because she's talking about a boyfriend. 0.53

00:35:00.480 Just remember that if you marry him as a Christian woman, yes, according to Scripture, you will need to submit to his authority.

00:35:08.440 Yeah. 0.68

00:35:08.960 That is Scripture commands.

00:35:10.320 Yeah. And so that's why, you know, when your daughters get older, you should let your daughters, you know, sure, you want to point them in the right direction. You want to have father's approval, things like that. But at the end of the day, your daughter is the one who's making the decision to say, can I submit to this man for the rest of my life?

00:35:30.380 she's the one that's going to have to walk that out

00:35:34.100 and so she needs to really be able to make that final call 0.77

00:35:37.260 whether you approved him as a man to marry your daughter or not

00:35:42.220 that scripture 2 Corinthians 6-4 is talking about

00:35:45.860 do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers

00:35:48.200 it talks about unbelievers 0.99

00:35:49.500 but the concept and the principle is still true

00:35:53.180 is there marriages that have worked?

00:35:55.600 sure, they are the exception

00:35:57.220 um but it's very difficult to fulfill the oneness the one flesh commands that are

00:36:05.120 throughout marriage if you're not on the same page in theology so i would say

00:36:12.240 if you were my daughter i'd say break it off i'd say break it off or or have a conversation with

00:36:20.760 him about that this is a game changer conversation either you are going to come and have this

00:36:28.560 conversation and join me in the Christian faith or we're not going to continue forward because I

00:36:36.360 fear this inability to be one the way that the scriptures call us to be one and so hard hard

00:36:43.900 answer and I'm I'm being very gentle because I don't every unique situation and story and person

00:36:49.600 has a there's always different everyone's different yeah so i want to be careful with that

00:36:54.300 so um yeah since today was a q a we are not going to be answering a question at the end of the

00:37:00.480 episode today because our entire episode is questions um but we do have a memory verse for

00:37:04.360 you guys this week um and this week it is john 8 31 through 32 if you abide in my word you are

00:37:10.900 my disciples indeed and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free this is probably

00:37:16.780 one of my favorite scriptures. You guys should all know this. This is, again, I'm going to read

00:37:20.680 it again because it's so good. Again, John 8, 31, 32, if you abide in my word, you are my disciples

00:37:28.160 indeed. Meaning that if you don't abide in his word, then you're not his disciple.

00:37:34.580 And it says, and you shall know the truth when you abide in his word, and the truth shall make

00:37:40.240 you free. Yeah. So we'll leave you guys with that. Again, if you guys would be so kind to

00:37:46.520 leave a review. If this content

00:37:48.620 was good for you, you can just tap the stars

00:37:50.460 on the iTunes app. If people ask

00:37:52.460 also that our show is available for people on

00:37:54.540 Android, they can find it. And you can also

00:37:56.600 go to ultimatemarriage.com and

00:37:58.700 just click on the podcast link

00:38:00.400 and you can have the

00:38:02.340 show notes for this episode,

00:38:04.980 all the quotes, all the scripture we

00:38:06.620 referenced, the YouTube videos

00:38:08.400 embedded there that you can listen to it there.

00:38:11.340 And this is episode number

00:38:12.660 10. And so

00:38:14.260 we're in there. Double digits now.

00:38:16.520 double digits and guys we last month we had 53,000 people listen to the show and so we're

00:38:26.440 just super humbled by that Veronica hates knowing those numbers because I'm already nervous enough

00:38:31.440 as it is and then hearing those numbers I'm like yeah then I stumble on my words all the time

00:38:36.320 so anyways thank you guys for joining us and we will see you guys or talk to you guys next week

00:38:44.300 See you.

00:38:45.040 Bye.

00:38:48.340 Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.

00:38:51.280 If you're homesick for a stronger marriage, visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com

00:38:55.340 and consider enrolling in our one-year online marriage mentor program.

00:38:59.040 Also, if you're interested in learning more about building a better marriage,

00:39:01.980 follow Veronica and I on social media,

00:39:03.780 where each week we share tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:39:14.300 Transcription by CastingWords

Dale Partridge - September 13, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #10： 5 Sensitive Questions Most Couple Have Never Had Answered

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