Dale Partridge - September 26, 2018


Ultimate Marriage #12： How Mature Christian Couples View Modesty


Episode Stats


Length

49 minutes

Words per minute

169.28448

Word count

8,403

Sentence count

280

Harmful content

Misogyny

27

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

34

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how mature Christians view biblical modesty and why it is so important. We also discuss the connection between modesty and sexual immodesty and why we should all strive to be more modest.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we are going to be talking about how mature Christians view 0.96
00:00:15.920 biblical modesty. So biblical modesty, not a real popular conversation to have. As you guys
00:00:24.800 know in this show, we confront a lot of the things that most of the church ignores or is not
00:00:33.640 willing to confront. And so, yeah, we're going to be talking about biblical modesty. And for some
00:00:41.840 of you, you might have seen my posts that I did on Instagram. If you guys don't follow me on
00:00:45.240 Instagram, I write several times a week on these kind of biblical topics, but I posted on biblical
00:00:50.900 modesty. And, uh, while we had, you know, over almost 5,000, I think over 5,000, by the time
00:00:57.520 you guys see this 5,000 likes on the post, there was a lot of really intense comments
00:01:03.080 and a lot of people disliking the conversation. Um, a couple of things before we get started
00:01:09.200 today, uh, subscribe on YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube, uh, we do have this
00:01:14.600 available for you guys in video format and if you're watching video then subscribe on your
00:01:21.020 podcast app this show is available everywhere so it's available on all types you know android
00:01:26.780 devices as well so um uh and also if you guys would be willing to leave us a review we are
00:01:34.600 currently i think the highest rated or i should say most rated christian marriage podcast
00:01:44.260 on iTunes. And it's because you guys are awesome and you guys were willing to rate us and review
00:01:51.020 us. And this content is getting out to the masses. And so if you're willing to just go into your
00:01:57.460 iTunes app and just tap the stars, you don't even need to write anything. But if you do write
00:02:02.200 something, we will look at it. A couple of things before we get started. We have a marriage retreat
00:02:08.280 that we do twice per year.
00:02:11.000 And we've done one.
00:02:12.400 Yep.
00:02:13.100 We've got the other one coming up
00:02:14.460 in about a week and a half.
00:02:15.640 Yes.
00:02:16.400 And these are what we call
00:02:17.680 the ultimate marriage retreat.
00:02:18.740 It's three days with us,
00:02:21.120 15 couples, very intimate.
00:02:24.020 We go super deep on marriage.
00:02:26.660 It's actually more intended
00:02:28.340 for healthy couples,
00:02:29.960 healthy Christian couples
00:02:30.820 to become stronger
00:02:32.920 so that they can lead
00:02:33.840 other Christian couples. 1.00
00:02:34.500 Yeah, they just want to get 1.00
00:02:35.120 a little bit deeper,
00:02:36.020 a little bit stronger in their faith
00:02:37.220 than in their marriages at the same time yeah and it's a beautiful uh place that we do this we do
00:02:42.380 this at uh the sun river resort so this is um awesome food everybody has their own cabin it's
00:02:48.860 beautiful yeah fireplace anyways on the river yeah and mountain views just saying just saying
00:02:54.700 if you guys are interested in coming to one of our events or one of our retreats
00:02:59.020 just go to ultimate marriage.com forward slash retreat it is two thousand dollars now i know
00:03:04.820 that might freak everybody out but it is one of those things where it's an investment into your
00:03:09.260 marriage we we do a lot of awesome stuff it's a really nice place we have really nice food
00:03:14.600 um and so covers their lodging and their food though everything and the program yeah yeah so
00:03:20.900 it's all covered everything's covered there except your flight except your flight that's the only
00:03:25.040 thing that's not covered so um yeah i'll let veronica kind of get started with the conversation
00:03:29.380 on modesty and we'll walk you through be patient with this conversation so stay with us it's going
00:03:34.520 to be a little bit of a longer show than normal because it's a big topic. We don't want to just
00:03:39.020 touch on it real quick. We got to go pretty deep with you guys today. So a lot of you guys are
00:03:44.000 probably wondering, why are we talking about modesty in a marriage podcast? And we decided
00:03:49.840 to talk about it because as a wife and mother, I and you, if you're a wife and a mother, set the
00:03:58.060 example for singles and uh for how our daughters are to dress and um to adorn themselves and then
00:04:04.620 secondly um unfortunately a great majority of divorces are a result of sexual sin sexual sin
00:04:11.100 and modesty are deeply connected there's no denying that now bear with me now now um i'm not saying
00:04:18.780 that all divorces are the result of an immodestly dressed man or woman but they are connected yeah
00:04:25.500 And there's totally a huge connection between, you know, we can't deny that immodesty is
00:04:31.400 becoming a very regular part of the culture.
00:04:34.700 We can't deny that we do have a pornography problem, especially with the men.
00:04:40.440 We can't deny that Hollywood is influencing and culture is influencing the church more
00:04:46.520 than the church is influencing the culture and in the way that we dress and present ourselves.
00:04:51.680 So a couple of things.
00:04:52.600 In 2014, Veronica wrote a incredibly viral post, which is so funny because Veronica hates 0.65
00:05:01.960 the attention.
00:05:02.800 Till this day, like I'm cringing right now that you're even bringing this up.
00:05:06.420 So she wrote a blog post on her blog that she doesn't hardly ever write on.
00:05:11.100 Once a year, maybe.
00:05:12.460 Yeah.
00:05:13.320 Titled, why I chose to no longer wear leggings.
00:05:18.340 And it was just her own personal conviction and testimony about that.
00:05:21.080 I wasn't shaming anyone I wasn't telling everybody this is what you should do
00:05:25.000 this is just what I'm doing just what my story on it yeah and so anyways I shared it because I was
00:05:31.000 so proud of her without telling me without telling me I just told me I would have said no you're not
00:05:35.280 sharing that I shared it on on Facebook and then all of a sudden um like a day later there's like
00:05:42.140 hundreds of thousands of people that have seen this article and good morning America calls us
00:05:48.760 And I mean, it was as viral as something can go. CNN, HSN, Fox, it was big. And it sparked an international conversation around the topic of modesty. And you should have seen the worldwide defensiveness. It was amazing, actually, in terms of just how defensive the culture got.
00:06:13.800 now there was lots of women that were absolutely just supportive but it was men too and men too
00:06:20.120 matt walsh actually wrote an article about this this is before matt walsh was you know as big as
00:06:24.740 he is um and but it was a big deal there was actually some really nasty stuff going on
00:06:32.000 really bad comments coming back i mean it was the point where veronica was crying just about
00:06:36.120 every night in terms of the defensiveness and the vulgarity and the intensity and aggressiveness
00:06:41.640 that was coming from this conversation so um yeah not something i enjoy remembering about but yeah
00:06:49.480 it happened it happened and it was a really important it shows that it's a really important
00:06:54.340 conversation it's a hot topic for sure it's a hot topic yeah so yeah and i would say when that
00:06:59.800 happened the number one response was like why are you blaming women i should be able to wear
00:07:05.740 whatever i want that's a big thing that we hear all the time like i should be able to wear whatever
00:07:09.260 whatever i want it's the man's fault he needs to work on his self-control yeah um it's not my
00:07:14.360 problem um or another one that i got a lot was well the men are going to look anyway yeah and so
00:07:20.780 it's let's just say if uh a woman you're at the park with your kids and a woman walks into the
00:07:27.840 park you know you've got little boys or girls too um woman walks into the park topless is it
00:07:34.000 the man's job or everyone else's responsibility to not look yeah is it just the man's job to not
00:07:39.960 look no no no it's it's that's part of his job like he needs to have self-control in his own
00:07:46.560 spirit to turn away yeah it's biblical or i should say sexuality is responsible we are we are both
00:07:55.540 husband and wife man and woman are responsible for sexuality it's not just the man's job it's
00:08:02.020 not just the woman's job it's both jobs and so both of us can't deny that 0.74
00:08:08.080 responsibility and I'm speaking to the women here as I am a woman so I think
00:08:13.060 it's important for us as women to remember that female modesty is not just
00:08:17.380 for the men but it is also for the preteens the young children that 12 13
00:08:23.780 14 year olds who are going through puberty for the young boy who's going
00:08:27.100 through puberty he's really struggling with all these new hormones that he's
00:08:29.960 experiencing. And for the young girl who's in junior high and already struggling with body
00:08:35.820 image issues and how her body's changing and what it should look like and how she should dress it.
00:08:40.100 So it's important for both sides. We always think that, I mean, I think the common conversation is
00:08:45.300 that like, yeah, the 25-year-old man shouldn't be looking. He should have self-control. Okay,
00:08:49.400 cool. Yeah, he should have self-control. And I get that. But are we also thinking about the 12-year-old
00:08:55.040 boy who just entered into puberty and he's trying to like gauge his grounds here you know find his
00:09:00.340 kind of his balance you know his footing especially the young men um who are christians
00:09:05.940 already who are young believers and they're struggling they're stumbling and they're just
00:09:10.660 like i don't know what to do yeah and they're trying this is all new to them this is all new
00:09:14.600 territory and again like as veronica said the young women the young 12 13 year old girls who
00:09:20.100 are trying to keep up well and their bodies are changing so much at that age too yeah it's so
00:09:27.000 it's so sad so anyways that's just a part of that that conversation um but again a lot of
00:09:32.100 defensiveness comes around this conversation and i want to say something there's a quote
00:09:35.620 i believe it's gk chesterton it says that the kingdom of self is heavily defended territory
00:09:41.460 and when people get defensive especially in the church about the conversation of modesty
00:09:45.900 modesty well it's it's a selfish act when you're defensive about something the heart the godly
00:09:51.740 biblical man or woman when the conversation and we're going to talk to the men too
00:09:55.680 the topic of modesty comes up or any topic it should be like oh wait what am i do i not know
00:10:02.080 something like tell me more what does the word say about this because we should be wanting to
00:10:06.400 yield to the scripture even if it's uncomfortable even if it's unpopular um even if it's we don't
00:10:13.500 understand it all the way. So I'm going to give you guys just some scriptural conversation.
00:10:19.560 Veronica will chime in, but I got a little section here for you guys. So Paul in 1 Corinthians
00:10:25.040 chapters 8 through 10, get your Bibles out sometime today and read it. And if you want to,
00:10:31.740 pull a commentary up and understand it a little bit more. I've taught through almost the entire
00:10:37.280 book of 1 Corinthians in terms of sermon by sermon, a sermon every chapter. And I've studied
00:10:43.000 these chapters extensively. And chapters 8 and 10 are the concept of Paul saying that your liberties,
00:10:51.860 your rights to do certain things, to dress certain ways, to eat certain foods, to drink certain
00:10:58.120 drinks, these certain rights that we have as Christians, these freedoms that we have,
00:11:03.320 if they cause another brother or sister to stumble, Paul says that we should forfeit our liberty.
00:11:11.540 The idea is that your love for your other brothers and sisters in Christ will limit your liberties.
00:11:20.460 And that's why the person who's maybe struggling with alcoholism, you don't drink when you're around that guy. 0.93
00:11:26.540 The guy that just got off the pornography addiction, you don't take him down to the beach where there's half naked women in bikinis that day. 0.90
00:11:35.660 You're careful about that. 0.98
00:11:38.960 And we are responsible for not causing our brothers and sisters to stumble.
00:11:44.020 And I'm actually going to tell you the scripture that says that for sure.
00:11:47.080 It's 1 Corinthians 8, verse 12, and I'm going to read it.
00:11:50.180 It says, but when you thus sin against the brethren and wound their weak conscience,
00:11:56.600 you sin against Christ.
00:11:58.840 We have the ability as Christians to wound the conscience of another brother or sister.
00:12:05.460 and we are to be very careful that we don't do that.
00:12:09.380 Jesus says in his,
00:12:12.280 and I think it's two of the gospels,
00:12:14.000 Matthew and possibly John,
00:12:16.920 any one of you who leads one of these little ones astray
00:12:19.440 who believe in me or causes them to stumble,
00:12:22.520 it is better for him to get a millstone
00:12:24.240 wrapped around his neck 1.00
00:12:25.040 and thrown to the bottom of the sea.
00:12:26.420 The little ones is the little ones in faith.
00:12:29.240 And so we are responsible for that.
00:12:32.220 And this kind of level of self-awareness of how my actions will affect other people and other brothers is great evidence of your love for others.
00:12:46.300 I was just going to say that.
00:12:47.180 Yeah, it's actually the, it's exactly what you said.
00:12:50.860 It's the loving thing to do.
00:12:52.820 Yeah.
00:12:53.020 to protect if you care about your brother or sister spiritual walk then it is loving to be
00:12:59.260 mindful of their weaknesses and how to protect them from those things yeah and it's this is a
00:13:05.500 mature perspective that much of the church doesn't have and hasn't seen yeah and it's not just in the
00:13:11.840 modesty conversation like you said it's the alcohol conversation the pornography conversation
00:13:15.700 somebody who's struggling with gluttony food you know it's just like be you know portion control
00:13:21.580 when you're around them or something it's in every aspect yeah and so um now for some reason
00:13:28.720 the conversation of modesty has been essentially erased from the pulpit in america and i you know
00:13:34.880 if you walk into any relatively popular church today and we've been to lots of big churches
00:13:41.920 in our marriage and you're going to see generally two types of immodesty you're going to see guys
00:13:48.880 wearing low cut, like wide neck shirts with tattoos, kind of like tight pants, like where
00:13:57.520 their situation has got like imprinted situation. I'm, I'm, I'm serious. That's a crazy thing. And,
00:14:04.200 and you know, the, the pastors walk like just necklaces and just showing like, look at me
00:14:11.600 materialism almost. Yeah. Like just kind of look at me, you know, um, draw the attention to me
00:14:18.000 kind of thing, which is just, again, that is how men are immodest. And then you're going to see
00:14:25.620 women wearing like workout attire, leggings. And if people don't think that leggings are 1.00
00:14:33.140 different than jeans, I'm here to tell you that's not true. There are not Instagram accounts on
00:14:39.500 looking at girls in jeans. There are probably hundreds of Instagram accounts of looking at
00:14:46.180 women in leggings. It is a sexual difference to a man. And it's the difference between jeans and
00:14:53.280 leggings or the difference between a woman wearing a bra and not wearing a bra in terms of just the
00:14:59.600 outline of the woman's body. And again, we'll talk more about that. I'm not saying that you
00:15:04.400 can't wear leggings. Veronica wears leggings, but not in certain places. She doesn't wear them out
00:15:09.640 about. She wears them at home. She'll wear them under a dress, things like that. We'll talk about
00:15:14.440 that a little bit. But, you know, girls wearing short skirts, girls wearing, you know, like just 0.94
00:15:21.460 a fashionable kind of really intense high fashion kind of look at church in terms of just the
00:15:28.160 drawing the attention to me, like focus on me. Crop tops I've seen girls wearing at church.
00:15:35.080 Giant backless dresses, like just, again, I don't want to turn this into a conversation about what
00:15:41.800 you can and cannot wear. This is a conversation about a heart. It's a heart issue. It's a heart
00:15:48.360 issue. And so, and I think this is the problem. And Veronica is going to have some more things
00:15:53.400 to say here in a bit. I just have a kind of a big section of notes that I wanted to talk through
00:15:57.340 here. I think the problem lies in this. Christians are looking to other Christians to determine
00:16:04.340 what's appropriate to wear or to do instead of looking at Christ and God's word on what's 0.96
00:16:10.480 appropriate to wear and to do. And so we kind of acclimate to the status quo in the church. If you
00:16:17.900 walk into a church and the women dress a certain way, then people that are new to the church will 0.99
00:16:22.980 start dressing that way. If the men are at a certain level of biblical maturity, then that's 0.55
00:16:30.860 kind of where everybody will end up at biblical maturity. But the Bible doesn't tell us to gauge
00:16:35.280 morality by looking to the church. It says to gauge morality by looking to Christ and looking
00:16:41.120 to God's word. And what we need to realize is that choice of clothing is connected eternally
00:16:49.980 in our faith. It is an eternal matter. And it's hard to believe that. Actually, a friend of mine
00:16:56.340 who's a pastor down in San Diego, Evan Wickham, he actually has a new church plant down there.
00:17:05.280 And he, he just sent me a book. He says, there's a book called the biblical theology of clothing. So clothing is a big deal in terms of, of, of how important it is. And, you know, one thing that I wrote down, this is a note that I found online. I thought it was really well written. It says the purpose of clothing is for what we're trying to cover up, not what we're trying to reveal, you know, and what we're trying to cover up is our sexual parts.
00:17:31.900 What did Adam and Eve cover up when they found out about their sin?
00:17:34.940 They didn't cover up their arm.
00:17:36.380 Yeah, they suddenly realized they were naked and they covered their bodies. 0.98
00:17:40.080 They sewed fig leaves around their genitals. 0.96
00:17:43.020 Okay, that's what they did, right? 0.99
00:17:45.160 And your sexuality is for one person. 0.99
00:17:48.820 It's for your spouse.
00:17:51.060 You know, my sexuality is for Veronica.
00:17:54.000 Veronica's sexuality is for me.
00:17:55.080 And the idea of clothing is the art of covering those things up in a classy and elegant way.
00:18:00.640 so yeah and it's important to remember that there's there's no such thing as bad clothing
00:18:07.220 maybe fashionably but there's no such thing as bad clothing just inappropriate times to wear them
00:18:11.440 yes so yeah and that's important like if you you know if you're a wife and you want to wear
00:18:16.860 something for your husband that's fine at home right like I personally don't wear leggings out
00:18:22.080 and about grocery shopping or just around town if I'm working out at home I'll wear them yeah
00:18:28.080 Um, I actually did try and work out the other day in my jeans and it was extremely impossible.
00:18:34.240 So yeah, I was, um, if I'm working out at home, yeah, I'll wear leggings, um, or I'll
00:18:38.840 wear them under a dress, like you said earlier, um, but never by themselves in public.
00:18:42.420 That's just a personal preference.
00:18:44.120 That's, you know, yeah, it's just a personal preference.
00:18:46.580 Yeah.
00:18:46.980 And ladies, trust me, you're not going to stand before the Lord and have him say, why
00:18:51.200 were you so modest?
00:18:52.520 Why are you so concerned about what you were wearing?
00:18:54.840 I think, I don't think God would say that in his character.
00:18:58.080 um but if you're going to err on any side of the discussion i personally would just rather be safe
00:19:04.380 than sorry um and so i think it's also important to remember that men are highly visual yeah right
00:19:12.980 wouldn't you agree like yeah this is this is i can tell you from experience any married woman
00:19:20.140 at least in my case i will i can tell you that if i'm wearing something that like leggings or
00:19:27.380 something that Dale finds attractive, I'm going to be touched probably a thousand times more that
00:19:32.900 day than any other day that week. Yeah. And I, we know this is true of several couples in our
00:19:37.220 community, you know, and, and, uh, yeah. It's, so it's not like an anomaly to us. Yeah. And men,
00:19:43.080 yeah. Men being visual is just a fact. It's not something that we're making up to try and put
00:19:47.220 blame on the men. It's just, it's just a fact. That's how they were created. And, um, I'm not
00:19:51.800 sure if some women are maybe just like oblivious to that fact because women generally are not
00:19:56.960 visual like men. I mean, we can be driving down the road and see men jogging topless and just
00:20:02.600 keep driving, like not even think about it. Um, and so, or if they're just kind of in denial.
00:20:09.920 Yeah. And I mean, the, the, the reality is, is, um, you know, men are really visual and it's why
00:20:17.940 millions of men will spend millions of dollars buying the sports illustrated swimsuit edition.
00:20:25.360 it's why millions of men spend billions of dollars on pornography websites and if you like there is
00:20:34.960 research on this and very little money is spent on by women by women yeah to pay to see men who
00:20:43.460 are disrobed okay it's just like they are out there it's just a way smaller percentage in
00:20:49.900 comparison to men yeah it's like putting an anthill next to mount everest in terms of the 0.87
00:20:54.900 difference. Men are so much more absolutely driven visually, and there's so much science
00:21:00.860 to prove that point. An interesting fact is that in the 1940s, the indecent exposure laws that
00:21:12.520 were just secular, I'm talking, this is a secular law, not even a church law. If you were to wear
00:21:17.920 a bikini the bikinis that we see today at the beach in 1940 you would go to jail you'd be 0.89
00:21:26.200 arrested and you go to jail for indecent exposure and this was a secular law and if you don't
00:21:32.480 believe that go ask your grandmother okay i promise you that that that is the there's actually
00:21:37.540 photos of this of people getting arrested for for wearing something like i'm not saying that
00:21:41.740 that's right or wrong i'm just saying is that that is what's happening and you know if god's
00:21:47.220 standards of morality and modesty feel so far away today who moved us or god
00:21:55.900 yeah god didn't move we've moved we've become comfortable we've normalized um we've we've
00:22:05.200 allowed the the secularization of the culture become normal in our spirits and in the church
00:22:10.880 and we've we have satisfied our flesh we have yeah absolutely instead of doing what satisfies
00:22:17.300 god yeah which is generally the opposite of our flesh yeah generally okay this is a interesting
00:22:24.040 way i'm going to lead into this section here there is a i found a blog post written by a gentleman
00:22:29.700 who's probably in his early 20s who was a college student now it's a couple paragraphs and he writes
00:22:35.320 is testimony of modesty from a man's perspective and it was really well written and i think it's
00:22:43.000 important for the ladies to hear and i want you ladies specifically to pay attention and men i
00:22:48.240 think you'll probably be nodding your heads yes yes and again we're not picking on the ladies today
00:22:52.180 um this is a conversation about biblical wives influence their daughters influence the other 0.50
00:23:02.400 single women and it starts in marriage well we hit the men a lot we very early at the women
00:23:10.080 with a topic and this is it happens to be a sensitive one for a lot of women yeah so it's
00:23:15.760 you know if we're gonna be talking to the men harshly or sternly i should say um according to
00:23:21.360 the scriptures then we got we gotta read our mail to you yeah so i'm gonna read this to you guys
00:23:27.920 right now, and I want you to pay attention. This gentleman says, each and every day is a battle.
00:23:34.380 A battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my depraved mind.
00:23:39.800 Every morning, I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee
00:23:44.540 sexual lusts. The Spirit is faithful to bring me to a renewal, and I need to prepare, and to bring
00:23:52.100 me to the renewal I need to prepare me to do war against my sin. Yet the temptation still exists.
00:23:57.920 I am thankful that God has made me attracted to women.
00:24:01.260 However, campus is a loaded minefield. 0.99
00:24:04.040 There are girls everywhere, and it's guaranteed that I will pass attractive girls as I walk between classes.
00:24:10.020 I either have to be actively engaging my mind and my spirit to praying, quoting scripture, listening to worship music, or simply looking at the sidewalk to make it through unscathed.
00:24:19.660 Many days, it takes all four to be safe. 0.95
00:24:22.920 Sometimes when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I say to myself, 0.70
00:24:27.440 she probably doesn't know that 101 guys are going to devour her in their minds today. 0.99
00:24:32.920 But then again, maybe she does.
00:24:34.520 To be honest, I don't know the truth. 0.76
00:24:36.680 The truth of why she chooses to dress the way that she does. 1.00
00:24:39.800 All I know is that the way she presents herself to the world 0.98
00:24:43.360 is bait for my sinful mind to latch onto, and I need to avoid it at all costs. 1.00
00:24:48.800 The thing women do not seem to fully grasp is that the temptation toward lust does not stop for us as men. 0.99
00:24:57.360 It is continual. It is aggressive. 0.98
00:24:59.820 It does all it can to lead men down to spiritual death.
00:25:03.500 They have a choice to either help or deter its goal.
00:25:06.920 For the most part, the church serves as a sanctuary from the continual barrage of temptation toward sin.
00:25:12.880 However, the church's members are not free from sin yet. 0.97
00:25:16.620 And there are girls both ignorant and knowledgeable of men's sinful tendencies. 0.93
00:25:21.340 I must confess that even in church can have several minds scattered about.
00:25:27.340 I fully understand that the responsibility of lust is not theirs, but mine.
00:25:31.660 But their good choices do support my walk with Christ.
00:25:35.180 Consider this as my appeal on behalf of all men to help deter the goal of lust in our lives.
00:25:40.720 And so a powerful piece of just a real testimony from a real young man.
00:25:46.620 And I believe that's actually very accurate to most men, to most Christian men.
00:25:53.660 I was listening to sermons as preparing this, listening to John Piper and Tim Keller and Paul Washer and Votie Bauckham and different guys that I really respect.
00:26:03.020 And all of them have said that they've preached before. 0.95
00:26:05.820 And in the front row, a woman is totally immodestly dressed to the point where they had to turn away. 0.68
00:26:13.060 um a few days ago we attended an event and there was a woman singing and a christian woman singing 0.87
00:26:28.100 christian songs dressed in an immodest outfit incredibly immodest and i couldn't look at her 0.99
00:26:35.820 I had to look the other way and so it's not just me it's guys like John Piper and Tim Keller and 1.00
00:26:43.320 Votie Bauckham like the strongest of Christian men that we have today this is a real reality
00:26:48.380 and I just want the ladies to understand that yeah and as a woman I know that there's just
00:26:55.580 a tremendous amount of pressure on the women today to look a certain way but as Christian
00:27:01.840 women we're not to be of this world we're supposed to look different yeah and we're supposed to look
00:27:06.200 to the example um of scripture that scripture provides for our definition of modesty yeah um
00:27:12.860 and so with that said um what does the bible say about modesty yeah so i'll read a couple of
00:27:19.000 scriptures here and this this says more than this these are just a couple that we brought up yeah
00:27:23.840 so first we're gonna read um first timothy 2 9 and 10 i'm gonna move this here so i can speak
00:27:30.780 in my microphone still. Likewise, also that women should adorn themselves in proper clothing with 0.99
00:27:36.280 modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what
00:27:42.400 is proper for women to profess godliness with good works. And then the next scripture is first
00:27:49.000 Peter three, three through four. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair or the
00:27:56.160 putting on of gold of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear but let your adorning be the hidden person
00:28:01.580 of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit in which god sight is very
00:28:07.340 precious yeah um so a few things just to kind of break those down together and veronica can chime
00:28:15.140 in with me um when it's talking about the braiding of hair and jewelry um it could be talking about
00:28:21.220 that literally most theologians believe that's what it's saying is that the emphasis of like
00:28:26.760 are you really trying to draw attention to yourself um instead of putting the attention
00:28:33.400 to god is the glory coming to you i think that's the general theme i guess what what i'm talking
00:28:38.720 about there um because if you want to glorify god um he does want you to adorn yourself as a as a
00:28:46.700 woman and a man you know but he wants you to adorn yourself in a certain way so so what are we to
00:28:53.620 adorn ourselves with ladies what are what what are the scriptures calling if and if you want to argue
00:28:59.560 with this you're arguing with the bible you're not arguing with me and veronica here but as a
00:29:05.340 christian woman should go i want to know what the bible says about these matters because i want to
00:29:10.120 serve christ and i want to do what glorifies him and it's generally a challenging thing
00:29:18.240 a gentle and quiet spirit yeah right yeah talk about that in the face of the feminism culture
00:29:25.340 that is fighting hard today um okay so i'll break these down a couple a little bit here so first 1.00
00:29:31.640 timothy when it says likewise also that the women should adorn themselves in proper clothing 0.92
00:29:35.620 with modesty it implies that one you can have improper clothing that's just kind of logical
00:29:42.220 fact right there that there is improper clothing um and it says with modesty like with in that word
00:29:49.740 modesty is closely related to humility is that like humbling yourself in a way of your dress
00:29:56.120 like it's not about me it doesn't mean that you have to look ugly look cute for my wife dresses 0.97
00:30:02.160 super cute and she looks beautiful and elegant um but she's also humble in the way that she
00:30:09.860 she dresses um and a good rule is that if your clothing is a frame for your face then it's godly
00:30:18.600 if it draws people to look to your face then it's godly if if your clothing is a frame to
00:30:28.080 reveal your body or to accentuate your body or sexuality then it's sensual and the bible
00:30:35.500 distraction yeah from what people should be looking to yeah you don't want to be known for 1.00
00:30:41.380 your butt or for your your you know your breasts like and again i understand that women have curves 1.00
00:30:48.840 like that we can't hide these things and i'm not saying that you need to you know cover them up in 1.00
00:30:53.920 a trash bag um um but but that sensuality is not beauty it's not eloquence it's not femininity
00:31:03.920 it's it's a gross kind of sexual desire um that has become so comfortable in the church 0.99
00:31:11.080 and so comfortable in the culture and so um you want to take this topic on self-control
00:31:19.200 sure so let's see if just as an example if you have lost some weight that's generally a great
00:31:30.720 and wonderful thing and we're happy and proud of you for reaching your goals but ask yourself
00:31:35.520 is it wise to show everyone on Instagram to post it on all of your social media outlets in revealing
00:31:43.680 clothing typically sports bra and shorts or something but yes I have seen bra and underwear
00:31:48.180 before um just ask yourself is this is this a wise thing to be doing sure share about it talk about
00:31:54.040 it but be mindful in the way that you present it um or if your butt looks fit you've been doing
00:32:00.720 lots of squats and you're getting real nice and toned does that mean that you have to show
00:32:05.060 everybody on your social media platforms no yeah these these parts of your body are sacred they're
00:32:13.220 holy they're separate they're in first corinthians chapter seven is that says that i don't have
00:32:19.840 authority over my own body but my wife does and my wife doesn't have authority over her her own
00:32:24.500 body but i do it's that the lord also it says in first corinthians chapter nine i think um or it
00:32:32.840 could be chapter six it says for you are not your own you were bought with a price therefore glorify
00:32:40.940 God in your body and in your spirit which are God's your body you don't get to go
00:32:49.380 do what you want with it the Lord died for you and he owns your body your body
00:32:56.780 is the temple of the Holy Spirit it's the temple of the Holy Spirit and then 1.00
00:33:00.940 your spouse owns your body next yeah and so Christian women we have to stop 1.00
00:33:05.780 allowing Christian women have to stop allowing themselves to be treated and 0.99
00:33:09.500 viewed in a way that is not dignified so if i generally don't typically struggle with i was 0.74
00:33:16.260 kind of like a tomboy my whole life so i've never really been super edgy in the way that i dress i'm
00:33:21.820 just not naturally that way um but if for some reason i'm touching on this just because i know
00:33:26.140 i'll probably have people writing me and asking me um if for some reason i am a little bit
00:33:33.200 questionable about something that i'm wearing um i'll ask dale i'm like hey does is this okay
00:33:38.340 or is this a little bit like immodest should i change um i probably ask you that question maybe
00:33:43.280 twice a year yeah um but uh yeah if you are maybe going to be going on the journey of trying to
00:33:51.880 dress a little bit more modest and you're unsure ask your husband or ask your brother or ask your
00:33:55.900 dad ask a man that you can trust that will give you an honest answer yeah or girlfriend too but
00:34:02.100 yeah generally a dad a brother will be pretty honest your husband a man yeah yeah um that's
00:34:08.140 not going to look at you in a sexual way yeah um to help you out there yeah i think that's a really
00:34:13.820 good point and it's been very good and it's what a humble thing to do and husbands there have
00:34:19.940 actually been times where you tell me you're like oh no i think that's fine i'm just like
00:34:22.800 well i'm still uncomfortable i'm gonna go change yeah and and husbands you know you get to help
00:34:27.980 your wife gauge those moments. And I, as a husband, want to protect my wife. I don't want
00:34:33.820 other men looking at my wife in a sexual manner. I don't want that at all. I want to protect her 1.00
00:34:40.560 body from the eyes. I don't want her being eye candy to some other man's imagination.
00:34:45.900 And husbands, you need to, you know, you're a man. Don't play the fool with me because I 1.00
00:34:51.520 understand you know you're a man so pay attention to those moments and wives if you can't receive 0.99
00:34:59.140 a correction a loving correction from your own husband you got a big problem and and that's a
00:35:05.360 problem that you need to confront of humility is because it's out of love that's his body he's
00:35:11.740 looking at um that's the lord's body and so deep stuff all right the rest of those scriptures i'm
00:35:19.380 going to break down a little bit. So it talks about that you can adorn yourself. The Lord
00:35:22.900 actually wants you to adorn yourself in certain ways. And he wants you to adorn you with, um,
00:35:30.120 this is, uh, he wants you to adorn you with righteousness, like adorn yourself with
00:35:35.620 righteousness, with good works, with humility, with a, um, reserved body. You know, I, I just
00:35:43.240 think there's something very mature about a woman who reserves her body for her husband
00:35:51.940 we have single guy friends who just find that so attractive when it's like she's protecting her
00:35:58.720 body so that the only person that gets to see it in that manner is her husband whoever that may be
00:36:05.160 um and it also says that modesty could also be in the form of kind of character
00:36:11.780 It's talking about, in 1 Peter, it says,
00:36:14.940 But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, which is imperishable beauty,
00:36:19.320 of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in God's sight, is very precious.
00:36:27.060 Okay, so if you're an assertive kind of, I want to be the focal point of the room,
00:36:32.800 some of that might be part of the character that the Lord gave you,
00:36:36.240 but we have to put some of that stuff into control of the doctrines of the scriptures.
00:36:40.980 and, and realize that we're not overextending our own gifting there. Are you assertive? Are you
00:36:47.720 being modest in your character? Men and women here on that. And we see this all the time. The guys
00:36:54.880 are, there's so many ways that guys are mostly immodest in their pride and just being like
00:37:02.320 talking about their achievements and, and like flaunting, you know, like that's where men come 0.62
00:37:07.360 out and it's it's gross it's unattractive to women um it's prideful it's arrogance and just
00:37:14.620 kind of this look at me kind of personality is not godly um the bible says that the man that
00:37:22.200 he opposes the proud how much opposition do you want men um and uh i'm gonna just close this with
00:37:32.220 a post that I wrote
00:37:34.320 two years ago
00:37:36.180 and
00:37:37.480 I think it's a good way to close this and then we're going to
00:37:40.380 have our Q&A session
00:37:42.240 I wrote men
00:37:46.320 we live in a time in a world 1.00
00:37:48.420 of women who 1.00
00:37:50.300 advertise
00:37:50.840 a time in which very little of the female body 0.98
00:37:54.260 is left to the imagination 0.55
00:37:55.380 a time which requires more self-control
00:37:58.380 than ever as visual
00:38:00.240 and mental opportunities approach
00:38:02.180 don't let the seeds of adultery
00:38:03.580 or the thoughts of greener grass
00:38:05.320 enter your mind.
00:38:06.660 An honorable man understands
00:38:08.260 that when he guards his eyes,
00:38:09.580 he shields his heart.
00:38:11.580 And ladies, remember that 0.98
00:38:13.000 what attracts a man's attention
00:38:14.280 isn't always what attracts his respect.
00:38:16.780 And what turns his head
00:38:17.960 almost never turns his heart.
00:38:20.680 Sexual responsibility
00:38:21.580 is for both men and women.
00:38:24.420 Each day you walk outside,
00:38:26.000 remember your commitments
00:38:26.820 to your family and to Christ.
00:38:28.440 and so um any closing thoughts i know the main question veronica gets asked is where do you buy
00:38:35.280 your clothes and all those kind of practical questions um pretty much just anywhere i see
00:38:41.280 something i like i'm just not super into fashion yeah so i'm just like oh that's cute i'll pick it
00:38:47.820 up if i'm at like gap or old navy target those are kind of my go-to spots i guess we also live
00:38:54.660 in a small town there's not like many places to choose from and we're also entered into winter
00:38:59.160 you know which is sweater weather yeah gentle generally more modest time but we grew up in
00:39:04.780 southern california you know where modesty is like a big deal we lived two blocks away from
00:39:10.140 the beach before i moved here yeah and it's just half naked people almost all the time um 0.92
00:39:16.700 yeah the women are typically half naked and have not all of them and have uh some form of
00:39:24.200 plastic surgery and the men are generally pretty flashy and drive super nice cars and yeah at least
00:39:30.040 that's where we had lived yeah totally so let's move on to the question section of our time and
00:39:37.300 where we generally answer two questions we're going to answer one because uh we've been long
00:39:43.560 today all right dale this question for you as a man i am not a man but the person who wrote this
00:39:50.560 as a man how should i deal with the temptation of lust um okay
00:39:57.940 all right i think your first point right here is really important to emphasize because i don't
00:40:05.720 think we realized this point until a mentor said it to us yeah so temptation is not sin
00:40:15.640 Satan is really good at making your temptation feel like sin.
00:40:19.840 He wants you to feel dirty because you were tempted.
00:40:24.760 Jesus was tempted in Hebrews 4.
00:40:27.660 It says,
00:40:28.220 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,
00:40:31.960 but one who in every respect has been tempted, as we are, yet without sin.
00:40:38.160 Jesus was tempted in the 40 days in the wilderness,
00:40:41.060 and probably in a variety of ways through his ministry, temptation is not sin.
00:40:49.260 A couple things I want to say to you men who need to know how to deal with the temptation of lust.
00:40:56.520 We know that Jesus says that adultery begins in the head before it occurs in the bed,
00:41:02.000 and we know that the idea is that adultery starts in the heart.
00:41:06.060 You can commit adultery in your heart.
00:41:07.920 You can commit bloodless murder. 0.99
00:41:09.400 You can all these things.
00:41:10.260 He's kind of taking these physical things and making them heart issues.
00:41:15.520 One statement that's really important that was just kind of handed down to me from the guy who discipled me says that sin doesn't happen to us.
00:41:24.160 We choose it.
00:41:25.980 We are not a victim to sin, but we are victors over our sin.
00:41:30.740 So keep that in mind.
00:41:32.080 The scriptures say that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.
00:41:35.120 um and i want to uh break down you know what i that's funny we're going to talk about first
00:41:42.800 corinthians 10 13 and i don't even have it up on on my notes so i'm going to pull it up
00:41:46.420 here on my phone right now and we're going to read this is the core scripture if you want to
00:41:52.060 beat sin in your life this scripture i probably have it memorized but because we're yeah i was
00:41:57.260 going to say i'm surprised that you didn't just spew it off because i've heard you say it so
00:42:00.980 many times yeah um but i think it's important that i read it specifically and i might get a
00:42:05.020 word or two wrong here um so we're going to just read it together all right um first corinthians
00:42:12.760 10 13 critical scripture for you for all people all christians to know if you're wanting to to
00:42:20.600 overcome sin if you're having struggle with sin especially with pornography or lust or whatever
00:42:25.840 it might be okay it says no temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man
00:42:33.260 but god is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able but with the
00:42:39.840 temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it okay i'm going to break
00:42:46.280 this down real quick and we'll close off no temptation has overtaken you except such as is
00:42:52.060 common to man ladies gentlemen your temptation to sin isn't special it's not unique to just you
00:43:02.080 yeah you know what guys you know how many men before you have struggled with wanting to look
00:43:07.480 at women billions do you want to know how many women have struggled with you know gossip or
00:43:16.420 anger or whatever it is billions your sin isn't your temptation to sin isn't special and that
00:43:24.280 what that's that's what that scripture saying no temptation has overtaken you except it's common
00:43:28.400 like it's common stuff here like this isn't special stuff um it says but god is faithful
00:43:36.280 he hasn't left you even how gross we are sometimes he hasn't left us um who will not allow you
00:43:46.180 to be tempted beyond what you are able.
00:43:50.340 So just stop right there.
00:43:52.140 That is a promise.
00:43:55.000 God will not allow you to be tempted
00:43:57.020 beyond your ability to reject it.
00:44:02.780 And that's a really important truth
00:44:05.820 that you need to believe.
00:44:07.080 If you believe wrong, you'll never live strong.
00:44:09.980 And if you believe correctly,
00:44:11.240 you'll walk this out and be free in the true gospel.
00:44:16.180 and it says,
00:44:18.700 but God is faithful
00:44:19.300 who will not allow you
00:44:19.860 to be tempted beyond
00:44:20.540 what you are able,
00:44:21.600 but with the temptation
00:44:22.980 will also make the way of escape
00:44:25.960 that you may be able to bear it.
00:44:29.780 What does that mean?
00:44:31.620 I know you know what it is.
00:44:34.020 How often can we win?
00:44:35.700 Every time.
00:44:36.840 This is the core.
00:44:37.760 There's always a way
00:44:38.920 out of your temptation.
00:44:41.620 Always.
00:44:42.700 So if there's a chance to lust,
00:44:44.840 this scripture is lying
00:44:46.160 if there's not a way out for example the just the scenario i tend to think of is um
00:44:54.480 a man can't help how a woman dresses so if for some reason you walk past a woman who is
00:45:00.200 immodestly dressed and you have eyes you know you're you're gonna see her that 0.95
00:45:06.460 quick interaction where you see her that's not sin the temptation is not sin the second look
00:45:13.640 yes is where you can fall into sin yes exactly and and so the lord makes a way out for us this
00:45:21.180 is a promise is that god's not god's faith will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are
00:45:26.460 able but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it
00:45:30.980 you could win on your sin every single time now will you no we're not perfect i'm not preaching
00:45:38.000 perfection here. But the reality is, is that we can. And that is something that we need to have
00:45:44.260 power in. God says, be holy as I am holy. He doesn't give us doctrine and instruction that
00:45:52.320 is impossible to follow. No, we can be holy. We can walk without sin during the day. Now you might
00:45:59.360 sin here and there, you know, but you might be able to pull off a day, two, three, without just
00:46:04.700 sinning. I think that's actually not preached that often, but I'm not going to say a certain
00:46:09.820 amount of time. But yeah, if somebody were to ask you, are you going to sin today? And you say,
00:46:13.760 yeah, probably. You're starting out your day with the wrong mindset. Yeah. You're opening up the day
00:46:19.700 defeated. Yeah. You need to go, no, I'm not going to sin today. Yeah. If Veronica asked me if I'm
00:46:25.080 going to sin tomorrow, I'm going to tell her, no, I'm not going to sin tomorrow. And if I do,
00:46:29.460 I'm going to repent.
00:46:31.140 But the reality is, is that no, my, I don't wake up defeated as going, yeah, I'm going
00:46:35.340 to sin tomorrow.
00:46:36.500 Like, yeah, that's how this gross gospel that is in the church today, like we're, that we're 0.97
00:46:40.980 just broken, nasty sinners.
00:46:42.800 And like, no, we were once sinners is what the scripture talks about.
00:46:46.760 We don't identify as sinners.
00:46:48.140 We were sinners.
00:46:49.620 Yeah.
00:46:49.940 We identify as saints.
00:46:51.500 Now, do we sin?
00:46:53.040 Yes.
00:46:53.580 Do we have a way out?
00:46:54.460 Yes.
00:46:54.760 and so um heavy conversation today but i believe it will be edifying to those who are yielded to
00:47:02.980 the holy spirit and to christ and how this applies to your marriage i hope that you ladies lives um
00:47:10.680 can be the godly representation says titus 2 let the older women teach the younger women
00:47:16.080 how to love their husbands love their children to walk out of godly life so we have a memory
00:47:21.560 verse this week memory verse is first timothy 2 9 and 10 likewise also that women should adorn
00:47:27.440 themselves in proper clothing with modesty and self-control not with braided hair and gold or
00:47:32.480 pearls or costly attire but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works
00:47:38.440 yeah so let's try to memorize that scripture that scripture is talking generally in the context of
00:47:44.320 of church um and that's how you should be dressing at church um but the first peter one is outside of
00:47:53.520 the context of church so you get to kind of do the study on it for those of you that are theologians
00:47:57.720 and listening to the show um a couple things if this show was edifying to you would you guys leave
00:48:04.440 a review again would you tap the stars on itunes just to let us know that you're enjoying the
00:48:09.580 content and again this show will be available on ultimate marriage.com if you just go to the
00:48:15.220 podcast section and this is episode number 12 and you can watch the videos there and download all
00:48:21.660 the notes and all the scripture references and the quotes that we have from today's show they
00:48:25.180 will all be available for you guys there um so that being said anything else good night good
00:48:33.120 night yeah we're filming in our garage here uh at nine something o'clock at nine nine fifty nine
00:48:38.320 50. Yeah. We're doing the late night. Kids are, kids are in bed. So again, guys, we will see you
00:48:43.500 next week. Thank you for joining us on this episode of ultimate marriage. If you're homesick
00:48:51.440 for a stronger marriage, visit our website at ultimate marriage.com and consider enrolling in
00:48:55.720 our one year online marriage mentor program. Also, if you're interested in learning more
00:48:59.820 about building a better marriage, follow Veronica and I on social media where each week we share
00:49:04.060 tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.
00:49:08.320 Transcription by CastingWords