Ultimate Marriage #14： How to Confess, Repent, and Redeem Sin in Your Marriage
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about how to confess, repent, and redeem sin in your marriage. We also talk about our recent marriage retreat where we had a group of couples from all over the country join us to learn how to build a biblical marriage in a broken world.
Transcript
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welcome to ultimate marriage today we are gonna be talking about how to confess repent and redeem
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sin in your marriage so pretty important topic I think we are you know people who sin and we need
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to understand how to confess that sin, repent that sin, and redeem that sin. And I don't think that
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these things are very common biblical topics, but I don't see the church talking about them
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that much. Confession is hard. Yeah. It's humiliating. Right. Which is a good reason
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to not do it again. Yeah. So, and, you know, repenting is hard. We know that repenting is
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defined as turning away from. It means you've turned away from that lifestyle, that way of
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being. I think of that quote, changed behavior is the best apology. And that's kind of the
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concept of repentance. It's changed behavior. And then redemption, just the whole redeeming
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of that process where you're getting back to square one, completely unified with your spouse
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again. And that's again, a process that, uh, I think a lot of couples struggle with. Um,
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you know, they might do it in, in, uh, you know, in verbal context, but they're actually not
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emotionally and spiritually unified again. Um, so a couple of things guys, one, if you're watching
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us on YouTube, would you guys subscribe to our YouTube channel? Uh, that'd be awesome. And if
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you're listening to this as a podcast, uh, you can also watch it on YouTube. And one thing that
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really does help the exposure of the show. And this is actually part of iTunes algorithm
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is leaving a review. Uh, we are currently the highest and most rated marriage podcast on iTunes.
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And it's because you guys have left reviews and the content is getting out and it's saving
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marriages. I can't tell you guys how many couples we've had write us and just tell us incredible
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stories um and i mean veronica gets emailed and wrote all the time you know what are you hearing
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from people uh just how much of a blessing the show has been to them um you know we're finally
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hearing what the bible actually says instead of tiptoeing around scripture um and it's actually
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transformed their marriages yeah and so we that's our hope and our mission is to help just bring
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uh you know ultimately help people build a biblical marriage and so how do you build a
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biblical marriage in a broken world. And that's what we're here to do. So if you guys would be
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interested in just leaving a review, you don't even have to write a review. Just tap the stars
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in the iTunes app and that would be sufficient for us. Um, okay. So, um, uh, you know, we had a
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really great, um, uh, we had a really great marriage retreat. I want to talk about that.
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So we just got back from our marriage retreat. Yeah. And if, for, if this happens to be your
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first time listening, we host a marriage retreat twice a year. So we just had one this past weekend
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and it was awesome. Yeah. It's the ultimate marriage retreat. We had 17 couples join us
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from all over the country and I guess out of the country too. We had some people from Canada come
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and, um, people from Atlanta and Illinois and Las Vegas and California. I mean, it was just
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everywhere. Yeah. All over the place. And, um, guys, God showed up in a huge way. We had some
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massive spiritual breakthroughs. Um, you know, men, you know, grown men breaking down in tears,
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uh, for just the spiritual change that's happening. And, and guys, just to be clear,
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this isn't a retreat for emergency crisis marriages. Yeah. This was a retreat for
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marriages that are already typically pretty healthy and they just are needing an extra step,
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we're going to go home and take our children
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that were being made based off of the content that we talked about.
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that people get a chance to go deep with each other.
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And a lot of people are just longing for Scripture.
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And that was the general, I guess, trend that we saw there.
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And it really reminded, I think, Veronica and I
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how powerful the truth is when it's delivered in love and um and that's been that's what we try to
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do here i mean some people we've had some people write us i like your podcast but you're too harsh
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um you know i think that is probably sent to every pastor on the planet at some point
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um you know i i'm constantly trying to make sure okay how do we deliver the truth in love
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um but we were blessed and greatly encouraged and i think it just made us feel we're gonna read we're
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gonna keep doing these for the rest of our lives they're just so fruitful yeah it was it was so
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much fun the venue was beautiful um it was nice quaint cozy um and then and it was in fall and we
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we got there seriously like at the peak of the most beautiful time of fall all of the trees are
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like vibrant and red and yellow and it was it was just gorgeous yeah and um yeah the lodging was
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awesome everyone had their own little private cabin um and with a little mini kitchen in it too
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so that was really nice for some of the guests who had some food allergies are able to
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yeah their own food there um but the food was all paid for provided with their um if you guys are
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watching i'm i have a fly in our studio it always happens guys it's a big deal yep um and then the
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dinner hall one of our nights was it was gorgeous it was called the great hall um in the venue and
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it was like i felt like i was in beauty and the beast like in this just grand hall i felt like
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there should be women twirling around in ballroom gowns it was gorgeous so beautiful yeah it was
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just so awesome and um yeah we just had so many new relationships yeah we had lots of fun we made
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so many new friends and it's so nice every time we do this because you get to meet people from
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all over the country or even the world. Last time we had somebody from Israel, this time we had
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two people from Canada or two couples from Canada. And so we get to meet people from all over the
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country, all over the world. And so it's nice to have that anytime we travel, we're like,
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Hey, we know people here. Let's connect with them. Um, so that was really fun. Um, and we just want
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to let you know, if you guys are interested in attending something like that, you can go ahead,
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to one of the ultimate marriage retreats, you can go ahead and go to ultimate marriage.com
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forward slash retreat. And we would love to get to know you guys. Yeah. Just go ahead and apply
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there. And I would love to have you guys at our next retreat. So let's go ahead and get started
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for today's conversation. Yeah. So resentment and bitterness are the great destroyers of marriages
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today. And as you have listened to the show before, if you know of Dale and I, if you've
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heard of anything that we've shared before on marriage, you probably know that the first two
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years of our marriage were really, really hard and we really struggled. And I especially really
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struggled of letting go of faults that Dale had caused in our marriage, even after he had
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apologized. Um, I was quite mean and angry and bitter. And I would, I was like the queen of
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holding grudges. I would hold grudges for days at a time. And I think, um, a scripture that's
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really important for us to remember in hebrews 12 15 it says see to it that no one fails to obtain
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the grace of god that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble and by it many
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become defiled so root of bitterness in first century hebrew culture represents a poisonous
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plant so actually what the author is saying is bitterness is poisonous to your soul it is yeah
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And this is a really important concept to just like grasp on for a second is that bitterness is designed to hurt you.
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And obviously, if it's harmful to your soul, it's harmful to your marriage.
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And it causes people to remain wounded, spiteful, angry.
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And when it grows, it can hurt a lot of people.
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So in my bitterness and my anger and my resentment towards you, I'm sure you can remember times that I caused pain and hurt to you.
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It's literally drinking poison in your marriage.
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And it's, it's, it's super dangerous. And I can't tell you guys how many emails we get that are from, ultimately aren't healing because of bitterness. A root of bitterness is in one of the spouses or both of the spouses. And so, and behind that bitterness, again, is pride. It's, it's forgetfulness of the forgiveness has been given to us by Christ. There's so much behind it we want to unpack with you guys today.
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but it's serious we got to start at the core of this this whole thing guys is are we going to be
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Christian or not are we actually going to behave like Christians not just believe like Christians
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but behave like Christians so that we don't seem like hypocrites to our spouse we don't seem like
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hypocrites to people that are watching our marriages but we're actually our children yeah
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hypocrites to our children but we're actually going to just walk out the biblical text as it
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says as Christ desires us to walk it out. And so, you know, this scripture, you know, when you look
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at the, I believe, you know, each passage of scripture has one intended meaning, and the
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author intended a certain meaning in that context. So I get that this, for you theologians that are
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listening, this passage of scripture is actually a reference to a church not allowing someone to
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fall away from the gospel and become bitter with the church and remain there, because it'll
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actually pull many away. It'll pull many away from the grace of Christ. But the principles of
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this concept are still the same. And I also believe that the affirmation of having, you know,
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not letting a root of bitterness is supported throughout the Old Testament, supported through
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the Proverbs, and obviously through the New Testament. So I think it's a great concept that
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we could talk about today. And there's some other scriptures that we're going to be mentioning as
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well. But the lesson really is this, that someone who has a root of bitterness growing within
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them affects everyone they come in contact with. It's not just like you could be bitter with
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somebody and then compartmentalize that bitterness towards just that person. I really do believe it
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affects everybody and all of your relationships. Yeah, it comes out. It manifests. Yeah. And what
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I mean is that any root bears fruit. So you guys got to remember that. Any root bears fruit. If you
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have a root of joy, it's going to bear joyful fruit. If you have a root of bitterness, it's
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going to bear this root of, of, you know, frustration, contention. Yeah. And people
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feel it. They can feel it. And, um, you can tell when somebody's bitter, especially in their
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marriage, when they're talking about their husband or their spouse, they've got like these little
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subtle jokes that they call, but you can tell that there's not a joke. You can tell there's
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something there that they're, they're bitter about. Yeah. And we see it all the time with
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couples that bicker. Guys, if you bicker, stop it. It's unbiblical. It's not what the Lord wants
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for you. Christ and his church don't bicker back and forth at each other. And so stop the bickering.
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I mean, it's something that we need to recognize. It's small, but it's still sinful. And you need
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to work at that. If it's something that you've kind of just allowed to be in your marriage,
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don't let that happen. And the bitterness, again, any root bears fruit. And you're feeding that
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poisonous fruit to your spouse and to your children and to everybody that comes in contact
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with you. You're, you're feeding that poisonous fruit. Like that's what you're doing when you
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allow a bitter root to take form and take growth. Uh, when it becomes full grown, it's just,
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and you know what, there's, you know, John Bevere wrote a book called The Bait of Satan.
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and it's about the concept of being offended and that the church the world is so easily offended
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but the church man first corinthians chapter 13 talks about love is not easily offended
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we believe all things we hope all things and so bitterness offense woundedness spitefulness anger
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all these things are really important and they're destroyers of marriage and it's it's why couples
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have to figure out how to confess repent and redeem sinful moments within their marriage and
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that's you know again the big conversation we're going to talk about today yeah so we're going to
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be pulling a few um scriptures today and i'm going to go ahead and read them for us yep so um james
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5 16 confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed
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the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much and then the next scripture is going
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to be matthew 5 23 through 24 therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember
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that your brother has something against you leave your gift there before the altar and go your way
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first be reconciled to your brother then come and offer your gift and then the last one we're going
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to be going over is going to be matthew 6 14 and 15 for if you forgive men of their trespasses your
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heavenly father will also forgive you but if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will
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your father forgive you forgive your trespasses okay these are like this this content we're about
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to talk about it's not like allegorical suggestive scripture this is this is doctrine of the faith
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um i'm going to break down these three these three scriptures for you guys and kind of concept
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veronica is going to add some points here as we talk to um but you know james 5 16 the first one
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confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed the effective
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fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much um so first off you know number one is healing comes
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through confession and prayer. We have to recognize that. You know, I've been, I've been
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doing the church thing in terms of being in a church community for what, you know, 14 years
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about now. And, and I haven't seen a lot of confession. Not a lot of people have come and
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confessed sins to me. And to be honest, for a long time, I really struggled confessing when I had
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faults to other people as well. I don't think it's a very common practice in the church today. And
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It's sad, and if it's not common in just relationships, it's probably not common in
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your marriage. And so the entire purpose of confession is reconciliation and to be unified
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again as one body in terms of the members of the body of Christ, but also one body, one flesh with
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your spouse. That's the purpose of confession is the beginning to be reconciled so that you can
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become unified again. You're not going to be able to be unified if you have sin. You know,
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we always say that, you know, if you're a marriage, there's no shadows. You need to
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live a life that has no shadows. You want to make sure that all those things are brought into the
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light. Um, and so the second thing is confession is a humble act. It's, um, it's where we get the
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word humiliation, humble and humiliation and humiliation is an incredible teacher
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if you've sinned against me well i guess a sin a sin in general it's it hurts well but how does
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it feel when i confess like do you trust me more or less oh yeah i absolutely trust you more yeah
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and so yeah because i trust in the future that if you were to mess up again or sin that you would
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come to me um instead of hiding it yeah and sometimes confession is it doesn't come in the
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way of like i've been hiding this thing from you but it's something like like hey i should have
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shouldn't have behaved that way i'm sorry um that the way i was behaving is is unacceptable it was
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sinful and i'm not going to do it again and that that confession of that behavior that's the process
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there and um you know when you're married you know when we talk about confession who's your
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accountability partner your spouse your spouse is it's not you know your buddy that you know at
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your church group you know when you're married your accountability partner is your spouse so
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there should be a lot of confession going on, um, back and forth with your spouse.
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And, um, confession can mean I'm sorry, or it could also mean, um, you already apologized
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and I'm still mad and I'm sorry for that. And I'm working on getting past my bitterness.
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Um, and just one thing I want to mention about this passage of scripture, that's really important.
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It says, you know, James says to confess to one another and pray for one another that you might
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be healed. Confess to who the faults are made, okay? I'm going to talk about this concept of
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us confessing to everybody else except the person that we actually sinned against, which is a very
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common practice in the church today, here in the next passage. But it mentions at the end of that
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passage that the effective and fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. And I want you to pay
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attention to that word righteous. I think what that scripture is talking about is that if you've
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sinned, don't go tell your gross sin to someone else who struggles with that same sin. Yeah.
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Go and confess that sin, one, to the person you've sinned against, but two, maybe to somebody
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who doesn't struggle with that sin, who has conquered that sin, because it's actually even
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more humbling when you go, let's just say it's pornography. You don't go and confess that sin
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to the brother, or that also struggles with porn, that they can go, you know, oh, me too,
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man, I understand. And that's as far as you get. Yeah, that's as far as you get.
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It's just like, oh, okay, I got it off my chest. Yeah, you want to confess that to the
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righteous man who doesn't struggle with that, that can actually, doesn't have a log in his eye,
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it can actually bring correction, rebuke, exhortation to redeem that, put you back on
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a correct path. And also to your spouse. And also to your spouse if you're married.
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If you're not married, then then, yeah, you get to do that to a to a righteous man.
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Yeah. So, yeah, like speaking of this, yeah, just last weekend, I actually had to confess something to Dale and ask for forgiveness.
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And it's never easy to do that. It's extremely humbling to do it because.
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because my marriage is more important than my pride and i need to remember that yeah and yeah
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it's super uncomfortable and it's awkward but i have to remember that keeping sin and hiding
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from your spouse especially if you sinned against your spouse is dangerous yeah and it's also just
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like you know let's just say that she wounded me um that reconciliation can't happen generally one
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until the confession that had happened you know the repentance that it occurred you know that
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she's not going to do it anymore we sound like veronica's this like worst wife ever
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and then or or and then just the forgiveness so that it brings on the redemption of that process
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which is you know what we'll talk about um and guys trust me there's been times um on the other
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end where i'm um i'm the one that's that's confessing so and i think for me um i think
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i've mentioned this probably in another podcast before where yeah i can easily just be like oh
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i like in my head you know i sinned and i should okay i just won't do it again next time which
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yeah what's what's the change behavior quote that you say oh uh yeah uh change behavior is the best
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apology right so yeah i'm sorry for my sin i'll change it but for me actually acknowledging it
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voicing it in humility and feeling the weight of my sin that way, especially to the person that I
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sinned against. Um, yeah, it makes me not ever want to do that again. Yeah. And, and I say this
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guys, if you guys or girls, if you're having like reoccurring sin, if you say, if, you know,
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something happens one time and it's a sin that's, you know, like, you know, I'm trying to think of
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an example. You got angry, but you never get angry. Um, you know, and you've confessed and
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repented to God and you might have repented to your wife or confessed to your wife or whatever
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it might be. I think confession is a really helpful tool for that repetitive sin that you
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can't seem to stop doing. If you're a liar, confessing that, you know, hey, I exaggerated
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there. I shouldn't have done that. I've had seasons of that where I'm a salesman. And so I've really
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struggled with that in terms of just admitting that and confessing. It really helps me be
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embarrassed and humiliated and it helps me grow um and um you know so i i know that it's it might
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seem overwhelming to go and confess every element to every person but i think it is really helpful
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for these repetitive sins in our lives that we can't seem to conquer on our own and i think
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that's what the lord put that passage of scripture in there yeah and i think after you've confessed
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that dale and i've talked about it in our other uh podcast before about fighting and forgiving
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if it's a small tiff where we don't necessarily
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But if it's like, you know, we got an argument,
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we had to sit down and talk about it in discussion
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there's some hurt involved, maybe some tears involved.
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If that happens, yeah, we end that always with prayer.
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And that's important, which we talked about in one of the other episodes a few episodes back.
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Number two, which is talking about that second passage of Scripture in Matthew.
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Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there, you know, when you're bringing your brother,
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you remember that your brother has something against you.
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Leave your gift there before the altar, and then go your way.
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But first be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift to God.
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So, you know, couples, if you've sinned against your spouse, again, this is using Old Testament language.
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You know, Jesus is talking about the Old Testament language of sacrifices at the altar.
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But I think the principle is still pretty powerful.
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But if you've sinned against your spouse, don't go confess your sin to your friend.
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the church is filled with this i think a lot of christians that are desperate to escape the
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ownership of their faults by confessing their sins to everyone except the person that they
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sinned against and so this happens totally in the pornography space for men as we mentioned earlier
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is the guys are just confessing their sins to other guys that struggle with it that struggle
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with it and nobody ever gets any better because everybody's got logs in their eyes and nobody has
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the ability to actually have authoritative conviction and change. And they're really
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looking for this kind of condemnation-free, pain-free, humiliation-free, costless acceptance
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of their trespasses. That's what you do when you confess. And we get this actually all the time.
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People will email us. I'm like, we have no relationship with these people. And they will
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email us their life story, their trials, their problems, and they go, I can't find anybody to
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help me. And so they turn to this, us, strangers on the internet, you know, and want to have us
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help them. And I go, it's pretty interesting that, one, we have no geographical connection
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with these people. And they want to be, they don't want to be held responsible by anybody
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that knows them. They want to be, it's safe to be known to strangers. And so I think that's a
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pretty common trend that's happening. And it's that type of kind of consequence-free confession
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that leaves so many men and women in bondage to sin, because we're not actually just confessing
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to the people that we're sinning against. And so I want to remind us that, you know, confession
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on the other end, requires grace and mercy and compassion, and we need to have that with people,
00:25:34.560
but not from a stranger. It requires it from the person who was actually sinned against,
00:25:39.900
and, you know, humiliation and shame are actually really important God-given elements
00:25:45.300
for spiritual growth, and God designed us to cause those to be painful so that we would grow from
00:25:51.420
them. And so confession, while it's hard, repentance, while it's hard, humiliation,
00:25:57.400
all those things are hard, but they're really good for us if we're actually trying to grow
00:26:02.140
and be sanctified. So yeah, next time somebody comes up to you and wants to confess the sin
00:26:09.640
they committed against their spouse or against their mom or against their friend, do the loving
00:26:13.780
thing and tell them, okay, well, thank you for sharing that with me, but I'd like you to go and
00:26:17.960
why don't you tell that to the person that you sinned against and point them back as jesus said
00:26:22.920
go do that and then go repent to god which is just an interesting concept be reconciled first
00:26:30.200
with the person and then go talk to god yeah it's not saying that god won't forgive you unless you
00:26:35.920
repent to the person you sinned against but it's giving us a principle that will help us restore
00:26:40.720
unity within our marriage yeah and that's the whole point right is that we're unifying again
00:26:46.040
It's that if you just repent to God for the sin that you committed against your spouse,
00:26:50.960
but you don't confess and repent to your spouse, you don't get that unity.
00:26:55.660
And sure, time can just kind of make things pass.
00:26:59.800
When you confess to the person that you sinned against, you feel the weight of it more.
00:27:07.260
Yeah, and it's a really important, yeah, just it's a really important moment.
00:27:11.500
And, you know, hopefully it happens less and less as you guys grow as a couple.
00:27:24.880
because it's one of the scariest scriptures in the Bible.
00:27:32.520
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
00:27:34.680
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
00:27:43.720
he's a theologian from the 17th century, or sorry, 18th century, which I always get those
00:27:48.580
confused because 18th century means that they lived in the 1700s. It's so weird. Anyways,
00:27:53.720
but John Gillis, he's a theologian. He has lots of commentaries on the Bible, but I liked, I looked
00:27:59.560
up his commentary on this today, and I'm going to read it because it's just better than what I would
00:28:03.200
be able to say. Off that passage about Jesus saying, hey, you know, you better forgive people
00:28:08.920
because if you don't, your father in heaven won't forgive you. And I always ask the question, how
00:28:12.440
many unforgiven people are in heaven? Zero. Yeah, none. So John Gill says, it is a plain case
00:28:19.360
that your father has not given you a true sense of the pardon of your sins, nor can you be certain
00:28:26.900
that he will, nor have you any reason to expect it when you are so cruel and revengeful to others.
00:28:34.080
There is a considerable emphasis which lies upon the word men to which heavenly father is
00:28:40.660
contrasted. And the sense, according to it, is that if men who were upon an equal foot with each
00:28:46.560
other should not forgive one another, how should it be expected that our Father, which is in heaven,
00:28:51.560
who is so much above and no ways obliged to us, should forgive us? And so John Kills saying this
00:29:01.260
concept of we need to remember how much we're forgiven when someone sins against us. We have
00:29:09.520
been wiped free of like a billion dollars worth of debt. You know, there's parables about this.
00:29:18.100
And then we're struggling because someone sinned against us and owes us a little bit of money.
00:29:22.980
And so we need to be, it's hard. There's nothing harder than forgiving someone when you're wounded.
00:29:30.540
But if you want to receive the forgiveness from God the Father through Christ,
00:29:37.060
you don't get to hold a grudge it's very dangerous dangerous spiritual activity in your marriage
00:29:44.600
and just in your christian life yeah redemption in marriage requires forgiveness it does and so
00:29:50.620
we just want to encourage you guys that be biblical walk these things out uh confess repent
00:29:57.420
and redeem through through forgiveness and this is a really easy solution if you you know if you
00:30:03.220
want an awesome marriage that that that's the answer um in terms of just the damage control
00:30:09.240
element of it all so anyways that's what we'll we'll end with that section hopefully that was
00:30:14.040
helpful for you guys and um we'll we'll go into it we have a question that we're going to answer
00:30:18.460
all righty yes if you listen to our show regularly you know that we answer one to two questions every
00:30:24.620
week this week we've got one and i will read it to you i recently left my husband of four years
00:30:32.220
due to extreme verbal and emotional abuse i still want to work on the marriage but he has made no
00:30:37.260
effort to get help or reconcile was it wrong for me to leave in the first place and when i go back
00:30:42.360
what is my biblical role in the marriage with an abusive husband he has never hurt me physically
00:30:47.780
i have been um he's never hurt me physically i have been enjoying the podcast but find it
00:30:53.200
difficult to know exactly how it applies to my situation thank you you got any thoughts
00:30:58.600
i'll let you take this one okay um yeah i have a couple notes here uh you know one it's i'm sorry
00:31:09.660
that you're even going through this um we and we can only go off of what you've sent in we don't
00:31:15.940
know the situation exactly and we're um we witness when we're in marriage ministry we witness a lot
00:31:22.980
of hard cases. We get a lot of emails from just sad stories that are sent to us. And so if we
00:31:30.240
want to do the biblical thing, and that's what this woman asked, is the biblical thing. What's
00:31:35.900
the biblical thing here? And so what I'm going to say is 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 10. I'm just
00:31:43.000
going to give you what the scriptures say, because I don't want to have an opinion on this. I just
00:31:46.260
want to let you know what the Bible says. It says, now to the married. Now this is talking to
00:31:51.240
Christians. He's talking about married Christians. That's what Paul's writing to in this chapter and
00:31:56.300
verse. Now to the married, I command, yet not I, but the Lord. And he's, what Paul is saying is
00:32:03.800
that I'm about to talk about the principles that Jesus laid out in Matthew 19. And so he's saying,
00:32:11.900
I'm not giving you new commands right now. I'm actually just going to tell you what Jesus said,
00:32:21.960
But even if she does depart, like this woman did,
0.92
00:32:25.260
let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
00:32:34.000
that this is a husband who says he's a Christian.
00:32:44.120
But if this is a husband and wife that are both Christian, struggling, falling into sin and temptation, struggling, that's the scripture that is clear on what not to do and what to do.
00:33:02.120
And it says, and a woman, so this is if a woman who has a husband who's not a believer.
00:33:06.740
It says, and a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
00:33:17.320
So if he's not a believer, you know, the command is to stay with him if he'll have you.
00:33:26.460
And it says in verse 14, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.
0.90
00:33:35.080
it says, but if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage
00:33:42.340
in such cases. My interpretation of that is that you're not under bondage to the marriage vows
00:33:47.560
any longer if you were in a marriage with an unbeliever and they have decided to leave and
0.93
00:33:54.080
divorce you. And it says, but God has called us to peace. And so when I hear that you're in,
00:34:02.480
you know i'm glad that you clarified the abusive relationship thing um that it was verbal abuse and
00:34:09.380
not physical yeah that's what you mean yeah because what do we see all the time um just
00:34:14.160
people that they just everybody all just says abuse and um they kind of all categorize it under
00:34:20.360
one thing but there are different types of abuse so yeah and we've kind of stretched that word
00:34:27.060
right so any argument that you start yelling at each other i'm in all of a sudden i'm in an
00:34:31.700
abusive relationship and i go well you know if you're in marriage at some point you're going to
00:34:35.680
be yelling at each other um that that's a that's so i i don't know if i want to throw everything
00:34:40.620
under abuse it could just be that you had an intense argument yeah and there i mean there
00:34:44.860
are real such cases as abuse yes but yeah i think the word has been thrown around a little bit too
00:34:50.240
much for sure yeah and so abuse is like all the way from like he told me to shut up i'm an abusive
00:34:55.960
relationship yeah all the way to you know he hit me across the face which is in reality an abusive
00:35:00.500
relationship and so yeah i love that you brought clarity to that that this is a verbally abusive
00:35:05.320
situation there was no physical hitting um and the core thing here is that god has called us to
00:35:12.380
peace and if you can't live in peace then i think that's justification or grounds for separation for
00:35:19.800
a time um and you know the scripture in the same chapter i don't have it in front of me
00:35:25.180
talks about like just don't deprive each other uh deprive one another sexually because you know
00:35:38.000
or helpful in some ways while repairing the marriage,
00:35:58.720
um what what would you be doing in that situation you know would you be seeking out the word would
00:36:04.080
you be praying like yeah I mean absolutely definitely praying definitely seeking out
00:36:08.420
the word and if this person was already um and not under the same roof as their spouse
00:36:15.160
I would be still in constant communication with my spouse trying to reconcile yeah and
0.95
00:36:23.280
surrounding yourself with with other godly uh women yeah um and mentors to help walk you through
1.00
00:36:31.200
this trial yeah because you don't want to keep this as a private matter you know no proverbs 18
00:36:37.220
one says a man and that's a person a person who isolates himself seeks his own desire seeks his
00:36:43.340
own desire and so don't keep this stuff private bring it out in the open pull that ugly dark thing
00:36:49.760
out into the light and if you want to get that thing healed just yeah it's embarrassing you know
00:36:54.260
hey our life isn't all good right now and we're a little bit embarrassed and this is not fun but if
00:37:02.100
you are i mean i would rather be embarrassed and have my marriage saved than try and prevent the
00:37:09.700
embarrassment and humility and everything ends up going down the drain yeah and i think that's a lot
00:37:16.060
of people's demise they are so concerned about what other people think of them that they will
00:37:19.860
literally um yeah not talk about it just to save face you know and it's it's so sad especially in
00:37:29.380
social media and you don't need to have it as a public thing but but just bringing two or three
00:37:34.660
trusted safe people and if you don't have that then you do what everybody else does is you go
00:37:40.760
the counselor i mean which is fine if that's all you got um but i would also just make it known in
00:37:46.900
your own community let your parents know if that if they're involved let your let your best friends
00:37:50.780
know if you're involved so hopefully that was helpful for you guys um today's i guess i feel
00:37:56.200
like today's a little bit of a downer show it's just like hard heavy stuff but um it's important
00:38:01.560
we want you guys to have a marriage that can heal itself yeah so our memory verse this week
00:38:07.140
James 5 16 confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed
00:38:13.280
the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much yeah guys there's over a hundred one
00:38:19.840
another's in the New Testament it's what in theology would call them the mutual pastoral
00:38:24.600
mandates I love that he didn't say go confess it to an elder or go confess it to a priest
00:38:30.720
it's to one another yeah it's powerful and and so i know a lot of people are longing for
00:38:38.140
biblical community a place where they can actually fulfill those one another's and
00:38:42.780
others are fulfilling them in their life um it starts with just living it out and praying for it
00:38:48.760
and um so i just want you guys to encourage i want to encourage you guys to yeah memorize that
00:38:54.380
passage of scripture walk that passage of scripture out if there's a moment of confession
00:38:58.440
do it see what kind of fruit comes from it um on that note a couple closing announcements is
00:39:07.040
yeah again if you guys would be willing to leave a review uh for us that would be great on the on
00:39:14.280
the podcast and um also if you want to listen to the show watch the video get all the show notes
00:39:20.140
i take all of the like quotes i think you know it's weird like quoting ourselves but um the
00:39:26.940
one-liners the one-liners yeah and i i put them in there and all the scriptures that we reference
00:39:31.440
they're all available for you this is episode number 14 and you just go to ultimate marriage.com
00:39:36.520
you just go to the menu and then go to podcast and you'll be able to find it there and all of
00:39:40.220
our podcasts are there and they're easy to share with people if you uh if somebody needs a resource
00:39:45.660
to help grow their marriage um anything else i think that's it okay memorize that scripture
00:39:53.060
All right, guys, we will see you guys next week on Ultimate Marriage.
00:39:58.900
Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.
00:40:01.780
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00:40:05.860
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00:40:09.560
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