Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #16： 3 Rules For Creating An Affair-Proof Marriage

00:00:00.000 welcome to ultimate marriage today we're going to be talking about three rules for creating an

00:00:16.020 affair-proof marriage okay the big huge bummer about this whole show is that we already filmed

00:00:21.240 it. And for some reason, Veronica's microphone didn't record. We've checked that now. You can

00:00:29.880 hear her. And so today we're going to be talking about creating an affair-proof marriage and what

00:00:36.200 that actually looks like. Yeah. And so before we dive in, because it's a big topic, which I think

00:00:42.580 today is going to be a really impactful show. I think it's going to be an important show. I think

00:00:46.640 it'll be a very useful show. One thing I say often is that content isn't king, usefulness is. So

00:00:52.660 hopefully these are very useful tips we'll talk about. We have a show on YouTube. So if you're

00:00:58.300 watching this on YouTube, you can subscribe to our channel. We'd really appreciate that. We roll out

00:01:02.080 all types of content on creating a biblical marriage or living a biblical lifestyle.

00:01:08.180 If you're listening to this on iTunes, on your podcast app, would you guys leave a review for

00:01:14.780 us just go you don't even need to write anything just tap the stars on what you would rate the

00:01:20.040 show now if you do write something i will totally read it i read every single review that you guys

00:01:24.160 put up there so i and i really appreciate those um right now ultimate marriage is the most rated

00:01:29.700 and highest rated marriage podcast in the world right now and so that's a uh it's because you

00:01:35.240 guys and you guys are leaving those reviews and because of those reviews they really do help our

00:01:40.040 exposure and they get us into the right algorithms and the show gets heard by millions of married

00:01:46.360 couples that hopefully the content is fruitful for. So a couple of the things I want to talk

00:01:52.640 about before we dive in. One is follow us on Instagram. If you guys don't follow us on

00:01:56.660 Instagram, Veronica has a beautifully curated style of children. Not curated at all. I'm like

00:02:06.260 barely edit my photos throw anything up but she's still got 17 000 people that are following along

00:02:12.580 on her it's pretty much dale's runoff of followers i get all the runoff and uh and so but also you

00:02:20.620 could follow me i post weekly about marriage veronica's stories are better than my stories

00:02:26.480 my posts are more i guess spiritually useful than her post hers are mostly about the children

00:02:35.320 Too much.

00:02:36.100 But yeah, you can just find her at Veronica I Partridge or me at Dale Partridge on Instagram.

00:02:42.580 And then one last thing before we dive in to the conversation.

00:02:46.920 We want to challenge you guys to read the Bible, the entire Bible.

00:02:53.340 And you can't know what you don't understand.

00:02:56.120 You can't teach what you haven't read.

00:02:58.220 And only 11% of Christians have read the entire Bible. 0.80

00:03:02.240 That means 89% of Christians haven't read the entire Bible.

00:03:05.460 And it's very difficult to interpret the parts correctly without understanding the whole.

00:03:12.040 And so it's important to just kind of go through the Bible one time.

00:03:15.400 I mean, more than one time, but at least one time.

00:03:18.060 And so if you're on the fence about doing this, Veronica has been going through the Bible for a year.

00:03:22.400 How's that journey been so far?

00:03:24.020 Good.

00:03:24.620 There's been a few seasons of taking breaks because of trials that we've been walking through, miscarriage, Lyme disease.

00:03:31.680 I was stuck in bed for a good month pretty much so but sick like not feeling well so I wasn't

00:03:39.420 reading but yeah it's going well I'm in Psalms and 2nd Corinthians yeah so this has been really

00:03:47.220 cool to watch her go through and it's a simple I mean it's really about four chapters a day

00:03:50.980 that's all it is maybe 15 to 20 minutes but we have a plan for you guys you guys can download

00:03:56.720 it for free at ultimate marriage.com forward slash Bible. And you just download the PDF.

00:04:02.860 It's beautiful. It's easy. You can check off your daily reading and get through the entire

00:04:07.040 Bible. So we want to encourage you guys to do that. Okay. So let's dive in to the topic

00:04:13.980 of affairs. Nobody plans on their wedding day to have an affair. Yet 50% of all marriages

00:04:25.160 are going to experience a fair 50 percent um you know that's just there's some crazy stats

00:04:30.460 you got to put together to get that number but realize the reality is is that this happens all

00:04:34.520 the time yeah we whoever's listening and including you and i like we all probably know somebody who

00:04:39.940 has been a victim of a fair or you know been the person that has committed adultery or affair

00:04:46.140 um and uh you know the the shocker of what we're going to talk about today

00:04:52.040 is that 85% of those affairs begin at work.

00:04:57.680 And so I want to kind of bring your attention

00:05:00.080 to the territory of the workplace,

00:05:03.760 as well as that you can apply this anywhere,

00:05:06.480 the conversation we'll have today.

00:05:07.920 But it's really important.

00:05:10.200 Likely, there's probably more men

00:05:12.220 that are working than women because of motherhood.

00:05:14.600 And so, guys, this is definitely going to be tailored

00:05:16.780 towards you and the practicality,

00:05:20.020 and then ladies, keep an eye out for your husbands.

00:05:22.040 in a very healthy way. So we'll talk about that. We have to not be naive that we're, we are not

00:05:28.120 immune to divorce. Even Veronica and I don't think that we're immune to divorce. We're not immune to

00:05:35.020 the threats that are in the, in the world that are trying to drive us apart. We are proactively

00:05:41.060 protecting our marriage because there has been better, stronger, more mature couples who have

00:05:48.860 fallen we see pastors fall all the time yeah and it's been married much longer married much longer

00:05:54.600 it's because we have to be on guard and this is what this this podcast is about being on guard

00:06:02.460 and what that looks like so veronica is going to give us some glossary stuff for today yeah so

00:06:08.060 talking about affairs there are always two words that come to mind when we go on that topic and

00:06:14.220 the two words uh are similar but have different definitions and those two words are infidelity

00:06:19.900 and adultery so the definition of infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse

00:06:25.840 and adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not

00:06:32.300 his or her spouse so in most cases a workplace affair begins with infidelity and then leads

00:06:38.460 into adultery yeah yeah so uh it's it's important to just clarify the two they are different

00:06:43.620 You know, infidelity, you know, might be like texting, inappropriate texting.

00:06:52.020 Emotional affairs is what psychologists have called these ideas of an emotional affair or, you know, just improper sexual conduct with somebody else.

00:07:01.000 An impure friendship that's going off.

00:07:05.140 And, you know, these gestures that kind of turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship.

00:07:11.520 This is pretty common to see. And psychologists, yeah, they've called it emotional affairs. But

00:07:16.860 the reality is that we're really dealing with just sin. That's what it is. If you're walking

00:07:24.480 in an improper relationship with your spouse. So let's start talking about the three things that

00:07:33.680 we do in our life to help kind of protect ourselves against this. So number one is don't

00:07:39.460 underestimate the f-word now not the f-word that we're all thinking here get your mind out of the

00:07:44.600 gutter um i've seen far too many women say um oh he's just got a flirtatious personality like

00:07:53.360 that's just you know you know that's just who he is um and i i just don't buy that i think that any

00:07:59.880 man who is flirtatious is a man who doesn't love his wife um and you know you mentioned uh in our

00:08:08.660 last show of this episode yeah um the flirtatious personality could also be not necessarily talking

00:08:14.860 about her husband who is maybe flirting with somebody else which is obviously not okay

00:08:19.460 but somebody in their workplace so um i've often heard women talk about oh a co-worker who is a

00:08:28.420 man saying oh you don't need to be worried to their husband this guy just has a flirtatious

00:08:32.740 personality he's like that with all the girls at work yeah and that guy could be single or or

00:08:37.860 married um but i i call these uh these things that form out of flirtation as flirtationships

00:08:45.540 and workplace flirtationships are workplace affairs they're they're a flirtationship is

00:08:51.260 really the first bullet shot at the at the heart of your marriage um and so let's let's look at

00:08:57.540 some scripture um for what the bible talks about in the idea of flirting yeah so matthew 5 28 it

00:09:06.380 It says, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

00:09:13.020 So just to clarify, adultery with her in his heart.

00:09:15.600 So it's different than adultery.

00:09:17.640 Yeah, it wasn't the physical act of having intercourse with somebody else that's not your spouse.

00:09:22.740 Yeah.

00:09:23.100 And, you know, Chuck Swindoll, I think, said it.

00:09:27.000 Adultery begins in the head far before it occurs in the bed.

00:09:30.160 And we got to remember that, that this is a head game.

00:09:32.560 It starts here.

00:09:33.180 Jesus knows that this stuff starts in the heart.

00:09:34.860 and so um i want to remind you what the word flirtation is means and this is like straight

00:09:41.580 out of the dictionary uh flirtation is defined as suggestive behavior with sexual intent

00:09:48.840 and so um oh he's just suggestive with sexual intent like no big deal that's what's really

00:09:57.080 saying like flirtatiousness is sensuality it's gross it's it's if it's not with your wife or

00:10:03.160 your spouse or with the person that you're going to marry um and be very careful even with that

00:10:09.160 yeah um and so yeah men if a woman's flirting with you this is kind of one of these things that you

00:10:17.400 know we've only had to always really really worry about the men but but more and more women are 1.00

00:10:22.440 turning into they're much more aggressive or much more forward in their approach when they see a man 1.00

00:10:28.880 that they desire to be with or get his attention.

00:10:32.020 And the way they do that in most cases is,

00:10:34.320 oh, I'm going to wear this dress today

00:10:36.240 or I'm going to wear this yoga pants to work today

00:10:39.280 or whatever it is. 1.00

00:10:40.840 They're going to use their immodesty to lure men in.

00:10:44.960 That is exactly what's happening. 1.00

00:10:47.880 Now, some women are oblivious to it, 1.00

00:10:49.320 but I think a lot of women know what's going on.

00:10:51.780 And so we're going to read what the Proverbs tell men 0.66

00:10:54.280 to do when they deal with a woman of such situations. 0.99

00:10:58.880 Yeah, and this, I would say, goes both ways. 0.98

00:11:01.200 Totally.

00:11:01.660 Yeah.

00:11:02.280 So Proverbs 6, 24 through 25. 1.00

00:11:06.580 To preserve you from evil women, from the, sorry, 1.00

00:11:10.200 to preserve you from the evil woman, 1.00

00:11:12.340 from the smooth tongue of the adulteress, 0.74

00:11:14.100 do not desire her beauty in your heart,

00:11:16.060 and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.

00:11:19.240 Yeah, so, yeah, this has been going around for a long time. 1.00

00:11:24.020 Just the idea of a flirtatious woman.

00:11:25.960 and yeah accepting flirtation in your marriage from somebody else is actually accepting the

00:11:33.100 bait of satan yes it is totally the bait of satan and there's a cost in protecting your marriage and

00:11:39.600 deflecting sexual signals and gestures and we get to pay that price joyfully by turning it down

00:11:46.320 setting up boundaries putting up guards all those things happen um and yeah we get to pay the price

00:11:52.280 Men, I want to remind you, men and women,

00:11:56.100 I want to remind you just what the scriptures call us to think on.

00:11:59.320 It's not to be thinking on sexual thoughts

00:12:01.420 and not to be thinking on lustful, suggestive intent,

00:12:05.420 suggestive behavior with sexual intent.

00:12:08.380 Philippians 4.8 says,

00:12:09.280 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,

00:12:12.820 whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,

00:12:15.840 whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence,

00:12:18.260 if there is anything worthy of praise,

00:12:20.220 Think about these things. And so, yeah, you know, all the things that come in your mind when you start to flirt with somebody that's not your wife, or receive a flirtatious gesture from someone that's not your spouse. That's, yeah, think on these things.

00:12:39.340 And for the listeners who may not fully grasp this concept, can you explain, like, a temptation versus the sin?

00:12:50.220 Yeah, so there's a difference between—the book of Hebrews says that Jesus was tempted.

00:12:57.000 It says that, you know, we do not have a high priest who has not been tempted,

00:13:00.220 but he's been tempted in all ways, yet without sin.

00:13:02.880 And so temptation, it's not a sin to be tempted.

00:13:06.040 It's a sin to—

00:13:08.880 Act upon the temptation.

00:13:10.120 Yeah, to act upon that temptation.

00:13:11.080 And so there's a difference there.

00:13:13.260 Billy Graham was asked years ago, probably, I think, when he was maybe in his 60s,

00:13:21.440 hey, what would you do, Billy, if someone put a Playboy centerfold in front of your face?

00:13:25.420 And he goes, well, I would look at that and say, what a beautiful creature.

00:13:29.480 Look at that.

00:13:31.400 That's one of God's beautiful creatures.

00:13:32.600 And then I'd look away.

00:13:33.820 And I thought that was a really good answer of just going, you can't control what happens in front of you.

00:13:40.140 Like, that's a beautiful woman.

00:13:41.940 Okay.

00:13:42.700 moving on yeah you can't control what your eyes see but you can control what they are fixed up

00:13:47.060 is fixed upon yeah and it's not just the first look isn't sin that's just uncontrollable reality

00:13:52.480 the second look is sin looking back getting in your mind looking thinking those thoughts

00:13:59.180 and so um yeah something to think about um point number two so the first one was yeah flirtation

00:14:05.960 ships and flirtatious personalities all that stuff dangerous don't don't underestimate the

00:14:11.520 f-word yeah um the second one number two you're gonna get a trip out of this one get a divorce 0.99

00:14:17.620 now did we talking about getting a divorce from your spouse no we are talking about getting a

00:14:22.200 divorce from your work wife or work husband okay this if if you're married or if you're in a

00:14:29.540 relationship with some other person at work and they carry the title oh that's my work wife

00:14:36.560 or my work husband get out of that thing now well and i would be uh i would even say to be cautious

00:14:44.360 and stop a relationship with somebody that you work with that you maybe you don't call them

00:14:50.320 your work wife or your work husband spouse whatever but there's like oh this is my best

00:14:54.600 friend we're just really close we just really get along we really click like if they're of

00:14:58.380 the opposite sex and you were married and they are married be careful yeah yeah there's you know i

00:15:04.840 wrote uh these workplace relationships or whatever they are um relationships these workplace

00:15:12.100 relationships typically imply a special public bond these titles between two people that almost

00:15:18.760 always lead to inappropriate intimacy and it could be inappropriate intimacy and just an emotional 0.99

00:15:23.860 level a friendship level yeah like i just don't allow another woman to have any of that territory

00:15:29.960 that veronica has um and and so we need to be on guard on that idea and i want to show you 0.66

00:15:37.000 men because i'm gonna talk to the men but this can happen to the woman too um god designed men

00:15:43.920 uh to i actually i'll start with the women god designed a woman to desire a man who leads

00:15:49.980 who provides who protects who gives instruction connects emotionally connects emotionally

00:15:55.880 respects like and then he desired men to designed or just yeah look at me I'm well desired to yeah

00:16:03.340 designed men to desire a woman who follows who follows through who listens who who respects him

00:16:09.260 and so you you take that that that design of a male and a female and you put it on top of

00:16:18.080 what's happening at a workplace relationship with like a boss and an assistant or a superior and a

00:16:25.200 inferior employee um a subordinate and you you all of a sudden realize that like this is why how

00:16:33.540 you know so many pastors fall to their assistants this is why so many ceos fall to their secretaries

00:16:38.280 it's because you're you're like playing out and acting out this like beautiful relationship

00:16:43.200 the man is leading the woman is following he's getting all these things uh he's providing for

00:16:48.740 her she's getting all these things done for him there's a mutual respect like it's it's a beautiful

00:16:54.140 structure. It's why it works. And it's why so many people fall. And so, yeah, I just want you

00:17:03.180 guys to be aware of what's really happening outside, like the spiritual, emotional side of

00:17:08.340 what's going on in your workplace relationships. Because there's a reason that the woman who goes 0.93

00:17:15.540 to the church starts getting attracted to the pastor. Oh, he's shepherding me. He's guiding me.

00:17:20.180 he's strong he's a good man you know nothing compared to my husband here at home you know

00:17:25.400 like that's how how that can be happen that's how it happens anyways yeah and the work wife and the

00:17:32.200 work husband title is not an uncommon thing either it's quite popular and it's actually getting more

00:17:37.780 popular there's a recent study that shows it's becoming increasingly popular um and the study

00:17:43.080 by the career information site vault.com found that 28 of those surveyed said they had an office

00:17:49.680 husband or wife while a survey of 640 male and female white collar workers found that 65% of

00:17:55.940 employees have or have had a workplace spouse in the past. Yeah. So like a third of people have

00:18:03.260 one now and like two thirds of people have had one at some point. That's craziness.

00:18:10.160 And so we got to remember people that men and women never crumble in a day.

00:18:14.320 and once your work spouse has fulfilled your needs enough um you know they kind of build that

00:18:21.620 emotional relationship they start looking you start looking forward to being with them the

00:18:26.200 next day you start building that kind of excitement the relationship kind of intrigue and you start

00:18:31.900 confiding in them yeah you start confiding in them start sharing things intimate details with them

00:18:36.620 that you should only be discussing with your spouse yeah you're texting them after work whatever

00:18:41.460 it might be and then all of a sudden you're you know intimate you're going on a date and 0.76

00:18:46.280 and it's dinner it's just professional but all of a sudden yeah you're having sex with your work 0.85

00:18:50.940 spouse behind your real spouse's back that's really what happens I mean that's what happens

00:18:56.280 it happens thousands of times per day so just recognize that that you know even if you're way

00:19:02.900 early on that journey that's where that journey leads to if you're not careful most importantly

00:19:08.980 I want to talk about this. This is some note I wrote down. You're using a sacred title.

00:19:14.280 That word spouse is a sacred title that opens the door for someone else to playfully perform

00:19:21.660 emotional and relational duties that are strictly to be carried out by your real spouse.

00:19:28.240 And so when you use that title, they get to, you know, act and behave like, oh, like I'm going to 0.93

00:19:34.340 care for you or love you or buy you things or that's what a woman might do or hey, I'm going to 0.60

00:19:38.880 yeah, provide for you, take care of you, look out for you as a man might too. It opens up the door 1.00

00:19:44.780 for that kind of role-playing stuff that's really gross and dark and very dangerous for your

00:19:51.040 marriage. You know, your spouse has paid an incredible price for that title. And to give

00:19:58.040 it out to somebody else in any way is totally, totally sinful. So yeah, if you have a work

00:20:07.220 spouse right now, time to divorce that work spouse. Get rid of that so that we can move on 1.00

00:20:12.760 to a healthy marriage. Number three is never be alone. This is our next step. So we talked about

00:20:21.860 flirtatiousness. We talked about work relationships. Now we're going to talk about never being alone.

00:20:26.420 And I really value Veronica, and we put thousands of hours into our marriage. I was actually on our

00:20:34.180 last show that you'll never hear i said the this idea that like man i thought about if veronica

00:20:39.960 dies that it would just be so horrible because i'd spent so many hours we spent so much time

00:20:44.400 investing into this marriage yeah yeah it would be such a loss yeah that'd be really tough to

00:20:51.200 just start over from day one like all right woman this new woman okay let's start from the beginning 1.00

00:20:56.560 that'd be horrible i'm sure you'd be much more excited than that um yeah that's awkward

00:21:01.720 conversation sorry all right so um okay so a few um years ago veronica i made a uh conversation

00:21:09.860 and a new boundary and i'll let her kind of share that conviction and how it played out yeah we had

00:21:16.000 um just come to a come to an agreement that we would never intentionally be intent oh my goodness

00:21:22.360 i get so tongue-tied when i'm talking um that we would never intentionally be left alone with

00:21:28.440 another person of the opposite sex. So whether that means you have a work meeting that happens

00:21:33.620 to be with a woman, then you're bringing somebody with you. Um, or if we've got a babysitter who's

00:21:40.180 a female, you're going to be working outside of the house that day. You're not going to be there. 1.00

00:21:44.860 Yeah. And this is just a common practice. It's hard to do. It's always inconvenient.

00:21:49.700 Protecting your marriage isn't convenient. It's never going to be convenient. It's always being

00:21:54.040 on guard. It's protective, which means that it's work. Um, and so, yeah, we've just made a decision

00:21:59.240 to, um, to do that. And we do this in other places too. Yeah. So it may not necessarily

00:22:06.200 be physically alone with another person, but even like with texting, um, we will attach each other

00:22:13.000 to a text message. So if I, like, for example, back in April, it was Dale's birthday. I wanted

00:22:19.720 to get a video put together for him but the person I knew that I wanted to edit it was a man

00:22:26.100 and so obviously I wanted it to be a surprise for Dale I wasn't going to attach Dale to it so I

00:22:31.040 called a friend of mine and asked her hey can I attach you to this text message chain

00:22:35.180 just to have accountability and out of respect for Dale I need to be in communication with him

00:22:41.120 she's like yeah totally that's fine go ahead but in most circumstances I will tag you in a text

00:22:47.420 in such a chain or i'll even attach that man's wife to the chain as well just to be respectful

00:22:53.840 yeah i mean there's our friends uh erin and jen smith they have a podcast called marriage after

00:22:58.260 god they're really good friends of ours and have kind of a similar spiritual dna as us um and uh

00:23:04.540 they've been friends with us for about 10 years but jen's a writer i'm a writer and so sometimes

00:23:08.000 i'll ping jen but i i'll copy veronica or i'll copy erin her husband and so there's just never

00:23:13.360 you know any we're just intentional do we does it does it imply that i'm attracted to jen and

00:23:19.440 need to be careful no it's just that we're we're being proactive on on uh protecting our marriage

00:23:25.920 and we do this across the board as often as we can um sometimes you can't make a way but we we

00:23:31.940 try and that's what we're trying to do constantly is try not to be alone um with anybody if we can

00:23:36.820 um and i know for a lot of people especially the guys that are at work i mean and ladies

00:23:42.560 to be, not be alone with somebody at work is very hard. Yeah. Sometimes it's impossible

00:23:49.800 depending on what you're doing for work. Yeah. And so I have a friend who works in the corporate

00:23:53.840 setting and he goes, yeah, one thing I try to do is he tries to do, if he has a meeting with a

00:23:57.620 woman alone, he tries to leave the door open and he just, he just makes that happen. The second

00:24:01.800 thing is, and if someone asks him to close the door, he just goes, you know what? I'd rather not.

00:24:07.320 I'm just trying to protect my reputation. And you know, there's just so much sexual harassment stuff

00:24:11.680 in the workplace, and I just, it's one of my policies that I'd like to keep the door open if

00:24:15.620 we can. We actually have, so two, I guess, stories. We actually have a friend who took their child to

00:24:22.960 the pediatrician. Pediatrician is a woman, and you know, all doctors, when you walk in, they close

00:24:28.320 the door, and he goes, actually, can you leave the door open? Just out of respect. She's just like,

00:24:31.880 kind of looked at him weird, and we're just like, oh yeah, sure, okay. And then another friend of

00:24:35.860 ours um back when their children were a little bit younger they have eight now so they've got

00:24:42.800 a wide range in ages um but he i remember him saying that you know if i needed to give the

00:24:50.080 babysitter a drive um a drive home after she watched our kids i would bring one of my older

00:24:54.700 kids with us yeah yeah just another another witness uh to be accountable to and um yeah

00:25:01.520 that's in front of the workplace would also say hey if we're gonna do a meeting like they have a

00:25:04.500 glass conference room. They try to do the glass conference room. So there's just visible

00:25:07.820 accountability all the time. And so just, just work at that. And, you know, we got to remember

00:25:15.240 that Satan's going to attack us at our low point. And so when you're in a fight with your wife,

00:25:21.140 a bad season in your marriage, whatever it is, and all of a sudden, you know, you get to go out

00:25:25.460 in this private work meeting and then you start one thing leads to another, you, you know, you

00:25:29.880 have this conversation, you confide in this person, you then kind of put that on top of that you're

00:25:34.300 at a conference away from home on top of drinks uh on the weekend on top of nighttime and you can

00:25:40.120 see how these kind of things you know don't be alone is really what what's uh what's going at

00:25:45.600 and um uh yeah so veronica's going to share some scripture about that concept yeah so first

00:25:50.640 corinthians 10 23 all things are lawful but not all things are helpful all things are lawful but

00:25:55.840 not all things built up so what that basically means is your love will limit your liberties

00:26:01.440 Yeah, I mean, our love for our spouse will limit the liberties. 0.98

00:26:05.880 Can you go have a private meeting with another person of the opposite sex? 1.00

00:26:08.720 You can, sure.

00:26:09.500 It's not sin inherently.

00:26:12.620 But your love will limit that liberty because you want to protect yourself and you protect your wife.

00:26:18.480 And that's why we don't drink in front of the, you know, let's say, hey guys, let's all go out and have a beer.

00:26:26.220 You know, when your buddy is just trying to break alcoholism.

00:26:29.380 Your liberty to drink and to have a drink is is is, I guess, relinquished because you have your love for your brother.

00:26:40.820 And so love limits liberties. Yeah. And so the next scripture is Galatians 6, 7.

00:26:47.060 Do not be do not be deceived. God is not mocked for whatever one sows that will he also reap.

00:26:53.620 yeah he's the scripture is saying that it's a promise if you don't be shocked like it was so

00:27:00.440 funny when the um everybody was shocked that all these men were like in in hollywood were so 0.67

00:27:07.740 incredibly sexually deviant and like raping women and and being you know doing all these horrible 0.89

00:27:14.120 things to women and i go okay so wait it's like we sowed a bunch of corn seeds into a field and 0.99

00:27:20.940 a bunch of corns growing now and we're like oh my gosh there's corn everywhere like no all the 0.95

00:27:26.480 movies are about sex all the tv shows are about sex they're all about pornography they're all about 0.87

00:27:31.940 all types of sexual acts and then all of a sudden one of the movie stars acts that way and you're

00:27:37.740 shocked no like it's you reap what you sow and this is a promise be careful men and women where

00:27:47.920 are you reaping? That's the big question I want

00:27:49.940 you to ask yourself. Where are you reaping?

00:27:52.380 Billy Graham and Kirk Cameron, I'm going to talk about

00:27:53.920 them real quick and then we'll close out.

00:27:55.700 Billy Graham would also do something

00:27:57.920 where if he saw, if he was

00:27:59.720 like at an elevator and

00:28:01.620 there was a woman in the elevator, he'd just wait

00:28:03.780 for the next elevator. He was so intentional

00:28:05.860 about not being alone with another woman. 0.63

00:28:08.660 And then

00:28:09.040 Kirk Cameron,

00:28:12.180 you know, he does conferences and speaking

00:28:13.820 engages people who want to take photos with him. His

00:28:15.720 rule is on top of not

00:28:17.740 being alone is not taking photos with a woman by herself um and or at least with somebody not in

00:28:24.900 the background so that they can't know if there is the woman in the photo he wants to make sure

00:28:29.500 there are people in the background yeah and i think that his intention also just be like more

00:28:33.820 than multiple people in a photo but he's he's he's just cognizant of that and that's what i want to

00:28:39.940 call you guys to invest there um and if you guys um have crossed the line already emotionally

00:28:47.400 repent turn turn around if you've crossed the line physically like where you're actually

00:28:54.600 committing adultery um you need to repent and tell your spouse at the same time so you repent

00:29:00.080 to your spouse and you know the reason i say you don't need to do that maybe with the other one

00:29:04.760 before you get to determine on your own journey but but um determine how far it's gone um but

00:29:12.260 you can turn around now you can stop it set up the boundaries it might be awkward you might need

00:29:18.300 to burn a relationship who cares your marriage is the priority that's that's that's the reality of

00:29:23.840 it all okay we are going to move into a question um and i'll let veronica read it even though the

00:29:30.440 question is directed to you all right this week's question veronica i'm a mother of three and i know

00:29:37.640 what it is like to be so busy that it hurts but what does your bible time look like how do you

00:29:43.400 keep a steady flow of learning in the midst of young children around all the time well i can

00:29:50.040 totally understand what you're talking about i have three young children um my kids are four and

00:29:55.840 half two and a half and one um but when my youngest was born I had three three and under

00:30:00.920 so yeah it's exhausting it's a lot of work um so let me see first I would say if you're not

00:30:08.320 plugged into a biblical community get plugged into one um because it is life-giving on those

00:30:17.320 hard days that you have with your young children to be able to shoot out a text to some of the

00:30:23.040 women in your fellowship to pray for you or to encourage you in what you're walking through

00:30:29.160 especially if you've got older wiser women who have been there before who've had the same amount

00:30:33.700 of kids or more who've walked those walked in those same shoes um so that way they can be pouring 1.00

00:30:41.640 into you also um I can just kind of share what I do um our kids are not allowed to get out of bed

00:30:48.740 until 7 30 so a lot of times they'll wake up before then but they're not allowed out of their

00:30:52.780 room until 7 30 in the morning. So I wake up at six o'clock every day. Um, somewhere between six

00:30:58.100 and six 15 and I go into my lovely, very glamorous closet, my walk-in closet. It's not actually

00:31:05.260 glamorous, but, um, I do have a walk-in closet and I go in there and I work out in there.

00:31:10.340 I read my Bible and I get ready for the day all before the kids wake up. So, um, the reason why

00:31:16.060 I work out first is because I am not a morning person. It is so hard for me to wake up at 6am

00:31:21.340 every day um and so i work out to wake myself up that's another big reason why i decided to start

00:31:28.560 waking up before the kids was because i know that i'm not a morning person when i would wake up when

00:31:34.020 they got up i would just be grouchy and irritable and tired and i didn't want them to remember mom

00:31:41.200 when they're you know older and looking back on their childhood is oh mom was always in a bad mood

00:31:45.560 and she woke up in the morning she was just together yeah and so i just thought about them

00:31:50.100 and I didn't like that and so I decided to start waking up earlier than them so yeah I wake up six

00:31:55.540 go into my closet I work out for 15 to 30 minutes just depends on the day um once I'm done with

00:32:01.000 that and I feel awake I start to read my bible and I'll read anywhere from I don't know three

00:32:06.920 to six chapters also just depends on time and uh what I've got going on that day once I'm done

00:32:13.080 with that then I move into since I'm already in my closet getting dressed and um hair and makeup

00:32:19.100 whatever um and just getting ready for the day so nine times out of ten by the time 7 30 rolls

00:32:24.020 around i've had an hour and a half to myself and i'm usually almost always ready by the time the

00:32:30.700 kids come downstairs and yeah i'm energized i've already read my bible i've already worked out i've

00:32:35.620 already gotten ready for the day so i just feel and you just i just feel so much better about 0.96

00:32:39.740 myself i feel ready for the day the whole day is always better when she gets through her her kind

00:32:43.780 of routine there um and i wanted to say a couple notes one of you start opened up with biblical

00:32:49.140 community um if you don't know what biblical community is um we have a non-profit uh that

00:32:55.280 we it's called relearnchurch.org and um on helping establish and plant biblical churches there's a lot

00:33:03.040 of articles and videos and things like that on that website you can check out um because yeah

00:33:07.880 it is hard to find um a lot you know but if you can just find a handful of biblical women and men

00:33:14.340 that you guys can walk as couples with that's really what people are looking for um and yeah

00:33:19.840 so yeah it's good to see her do that she's listening to podcasts here and there listening

00:33:23.340 to audiobooks yeah so usually after i'm done revival in that time of me getting ready and

00:33:28.840 doing my hair yeah that's when i'm usually listening to an audiobook or worship music or

00:33:32.400 something um and then there are mornings two days a week where i go out and i work out in a studio

00:33:37.040 out of the house during that same time frame.

00:33:41.160 And so since I don't get my Bible reading in the morning,

00:33:43.060 then I will get it in at night before bed,

00:33:46.880 usually when Dale's like in the shower or something.

00:33:49.080 Yeah, and this is important.

00:33:50.160 I mean, ladies and men, we need to know the word

00:33:54.180 and it's because we are drenching our minds with it.

00:33:57.480 And again, that's what we talked about

00:33:58.560 at the beginning of the show.

00:34:00.520 Try to read the Bible in a year.

00:34:02.060 Just go to ultimatemarriage.com forward slash Bible.

00:34:05.240 It's free.

00:34:06.080 just download it and we'd love to have you go on that journey um i'll close us out with our

00:34:11.820 memory verse this week um really quick one more thing i was gonna say just just get it in when

00:34:18.540 you can it doesn't have to be the exact same thing every day especially when you're in a season of

00:34:23.060 life with busy little kids and it's hard to have a consistent schedule get it in when you can today

00:34:27.540 i went and i got the oil changed in the car and got a car wash and thankfully um i had a babysitter

00:34:34.840 so I didn't have distractions, but I sat there for an hour and read my Bible in the car wash

00:34:40.060 waiting room. Yeah. So awesome. Get it in when you can. Awesome. Um, I also have a mentor of

00:34:45.800 mine told me that she has a recipe book holder that she keeps in her kitchen and she keeps her

00:34:51.440 Bible on that. So when you're a Sado mom, you're always in your kitchen, cooking, cooking, snacks,

00:34:57.820 you're in there three meals a day. And, um, so she goes and I just had it in my kitchen. And so

00:35:02.800 Anytime I'd walk by, I'd read a little bit.

00:35:05.020 And anytime I'd walk by, I'd read another verse.

00:35:06.800 So it was just getting it in when you can.

00:35:09.880 That's a good point.

00:35:11.320 So this week's memory verse, we expect you guys to try to memorize scripture.

00:35:15.980 It's important to have scripture available in your mind.

00:35:20.500 Written on your hearts.

00:35:21.540 Yeah, when you need it.

00:35:23.560 And I watched, I chose the scripture because I think it's important to recognize the, I guess, the promise of it.

00:35:31.760 And so it's Galatians 6-7. We read it earlier. Do not be deceived. God is not mocked for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Our actions, our habits, our lifestyles, they're big, big, big consequences for how we live. We reap what we sow. And so I'd love for you guys to try to memorize that again. That's Galatians 6-7.

00:35:58.240 last things before we close out

00:36:00.520 just again if you'd be willing to leave a review

00:36:02.400 just right when this show's over just go and

00:36:04.240 just tap the stars if you're listening

00:36:06.680 to this in the podcast iTunes app

00:36:08.420 and

00:36:10.120 if you guys want to listen to this whole

00:36:12.520 episode on video

00:36:13.920 look at all the notes, the scriptures

00:36:16.280 the quotes, links, all that kind of

00:36:18.680 stuff just go to ultimate marriage

00:36:20.700 dot com and then just click on the podcast

00:36:22.740 section in the fly menu

00:36:24.200 and this is episode number 16

00:36:26.180 cool

00:36:27.800 on that note. See you next time. Yeah, we will see you guys next Wednesday on Ultimate Marriage.

00:36:33.420 Take care. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage. If you're homesick

00:36:38.760 for a stronger marriage, visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com and consider enrolling in

00:36:43.040 our one-year online marriage mentor program. Also, if you're interested in learning more

00:36:47.120 about building a better marriage, follow Veronica and I on social media, where each week we share

00:36:51.360 tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:36:57.800 Transcription by CastingWords

Dale Partridge - October 24, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #16： 3 Rules For Creating An Affair-Proof Marriage

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