Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #17： How To Overcome Sexual Trials and Trauma In Your Marriage

00:00:00.000 welcome to ultimate marriage today we are going to be talking about how to overcome sexual trials

00:00:16.040 and trauma in your marriage well people um i'm actually feeling a little bit better but veronica

00:00:22.080 has now got a bit of a cold so um we've been fighting the cold in our house and uh we're here

00:00:27.720 with stuffy noses and potentially a cough here and there, but, um, we're dropping my mouth. So

00:00:33.160 if it sounds funny, that's why I don't want to be coughing a ton during the show. So that's what it

00:00:38.900 is. Yeah. So we're excited to have this conversation. We actually, um, we just got done

00:00:44.200 with the, uh, sex module for our, um, marriage program, the ultimate marriage program,

00:00:53.260 which is uh right now it's currently set up as a one-year program but we're actually changing

00:00:58.600 that to become instead of 12 months to be a 12-week program and we're going to open up

00:01:03.500 registration right after the new year again so if you want to be notified of when you can enroll

00:01:10.520 in that program it is epic we go so deep on the topics of marriage but we just finished the sex

00:01:16.340 module and we spent yeah just lots of time talking about sex and how important it is to a marriage

00:01:22.600 and you just go to

00:01:24.800 ultimatemarriage.com forward slash notify

00:01:27.380 again that's

00:01:28.760 ultimatemarriage.com forward slash notify

00:01:30.720 and we will get you on the list

00:01:32.820 and notify you when we open up registration

00:01:34.600 so you can come in and be in that journey

00:01:36.720 with us

00:01:37.140 a couple other things

00:01:40.260 follow us on Instagram I mentioned this last time

00:01:42.680 and we actually had several hundred people follow

00:01:44.640 along

00:01:45.160 which yeah we love and appreciate it but

00:01:48.600 we also we share a lot there

00:01:50.760 every single week, especially Veronica with our children. And so you get it, you get it to see

00:01:57.520 kind of the more polished side with me in terms of just teachings and lessons. And I guess you get

00:02:02.380 to see the real life side with me. Yeah. You get to see the real life. Yeah. The children and our

00:02:08.000 house and the things that we do with Veronica. So we'd love to have you there. We're going to turn

00:02:13.680 this conversation today into three questions. And we had so many questions come in from our

00:02:20.800 current group. We had 370 couples when we started. It's a little bit less now.

00:02:27.080 And we had lots of incredible questions that we couldn't get through all of them.

00:02:31.280 So I took some of those questions. They're anonymous questions. And I think that they

00:02:36.360 apply to giant chunks of married couples. And we're going to answer three of those questions

00:02:42.160 today yeah um so veronica will open up with the first question okay question number one as a

00:02:48.000 husband i have made mistakes in our marriage from keeping secrets about my past to falling into the

00:02:52.560 sin of temptation and pornography and looking at pornography my wife has forgiven me and i am

00:02:58.140 living in purity and honesty now but as a result of my past sins i feel so shameful and unworthy

00:03:03.280 to pursue my wife sexually she wants intimacy and is hurt that i don't pursue her i know this is how

00:03:10.780 she feels, but I still can't get over my past and initiate sex very often. As a result of how

00:03:16.600 infrequent our intimacy has been, we both feel discouraged and have a hard time even wanting to

00:03:21.540 have sex at times now. What would you recommend for overcoming this shame and mental slash

00:03:27.280 spiritual block that I have? Yeah. So when I hear this question, the first thing that comes to my

00:03:32.600 mind is it sounds like you have been truly repentant. You repented to your wife, you've

00:03:36.440 repented to God, and your wife has forgiven you. So when I hear that, I'm like, okay, well, hey,

00:03:42.680 buddy, your sins are as far as the East is from the West. Like it is if they have never happened

00:03:48.060 to happen. You are a new creation in Christ. You don't need to live with that guilt and that shame.

00:03:53.860 It's already been forgiven. Yeah. And you know, the, there's a statement that I wrote down here

00:03:58.700 that I, I've had to tell people over and over again, Satan loves to keep us paying the price

00:04:04.620 for sins that have already been paid for he loves to have you feel that shame and that guilt yeah

00:04:09.500 because it keeps you in a place of not growing and not getting past it yeah and this obviously

00:04:14.920 this question can be applicable to so many areas of life outside of sexual sin uh because you're

00:04:21.500 it's the struggle of of not feeling forgiven and um and dwelling on the past well and it's

00:04:28.520 incredible because satan loves to have you there because once you have experienced the power of

00:04:32.760 forgiveness and you have moved on and you and your wife are reconciled and it you guys aren't

00:04:39.000 holding it you know over one another that's an incredible testimony that can be shared um to

00:04:45.060 other people who are struggling and you can encourage and walk with other couples that way

00:04:49.400 and of course satan does not want that yeah and and the opposite is true is that if you haven't

00:04:53.800 been able to do that it's you're lacking authority you're lacking testimony you you have no power to

00:04:59.020 share with other people. You can't tell people to follow your example. Um, I want to break this

00:05:03.260 down a little bit. I think that, uh, this gentleman's issue is two parts. Um, first,

00:05:09.200 I really believe that, um, you don't, you don't believe that you're worthy of grace

00:05:14.800 and that you're worthy of forgiveness. Um, and as a result, you can't actually accept the grace

00:05:20.460 that was given to you. And instead you have to punish yourself. I was just thinking the same

00:05:25.020 Okay, you have to punish yourself as a way to feel like you earned the grace.

00:05:28.580 And this is a very common thing in the church.

00:05:30.940 We can't accept the grace, so therefore we kind of have to self-sabotage.

00:05:34.160 We have to like stumble ourselves, hurt ourselves, punish ourselves to actually feel like maybe—

00:05:38.300 To feel the guilt, to feel the weight of the sin.

00:05:40.660 Yeah, so then we might have like earned it, and then we can be forgiven later because we've actually paid the price.

00:05:46.360 We felt the consequences.

00:05:47.680 is it feels like a righteous response to not downplay the gravity of our sin.

00:05:55.020 It feels like a righteous response to not downplay the weight and the magnitude of our sin

00:06:02.820 after we've repented.

00:06:04.880 It's not, actually.

00:06:06.580 Because there's no point, right?

00:06:08.340 The price has already been paid.

00:06:11.580 We're going to talk about some scriptures of what scripture tells us to do after we've repented.

00:06:16.580 And so it's not righteous to continue to hang on to the gravity, the weight of your sin after you've repented and been forgiven.

00:06:28.260 It's not righteous.

00:06:30.860 And when you understand that through repentance you're fully forgiven, it's a big deal.

00:06:40.080 It'll actually make you cry when you realize the weight that was lifted off you.

00:06:43.920 But I want to remind you, anybody that's dealing with this, it's like telling Jesus,

00:06:49.500 hey, your death on the cross wasn't good enough.

00:06:53.360 That's really what's happening is that you're going, I'm still feeling the weight and the

00:06:57.660 shame and I can't like seem to let it go.

00:06:59.680 And like you just go, Jesus, what you did on the cross, that giant sacrifice you made

00:07:03.780 for mankind, like it wasn't good enough for my sins.

00:07:07.320 And it's actually like you're telling him you failed to accomplish your goal.

00:07:11.620 It's a form of self-righteousness.

00:07:13.740 actually. Like, you're actually, your stuff's too big for Jesus. Like, he can take care of the

00:07:21.800 sins of the rest of the world, but he can't take care of mine. This is not biblical thinking.

00:07:29.320 And again, when you recognize, truly recognize what grace is, you don't deserve it.

00:07:37.120 you're not worthy of it yet you still receive it and that is love that is grace you don't get what

00:07:48.820 you deserve you get what you don't deserve and when this is why the poets of times past

00:07:57.300 weep and cry and talk about forgiveness and grace in such beautiful ways because

00:08:02.860 it'll make you cry when you actually understand that concept um the second side of this

00:08:11.160 and feel free babe to come in if you want to have any uh ideas on this the second side of this is

00:08:17.660 that you're actually being disobedient to how the scriptures call you to view repentant sin

00:08:23.020 and so there's actually an obedience thing going on here yeah philippians 3 uh 13 and 14 14 says

00:08:30.500 brethren brethren i do not count myself to have apprehended but once but one thing i do

00:08:37.920 forgetting those things which are behind in reaching forward to those things which are ahead

00:08:42.240 i press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of god in jesus christ yeah so like

00:08:48.440 let's sit on this yeah let's sit on this one for a second because this is good

00:08:51.700 um he's saying brethren i do not count myself to have apprehended he's talking about apprehended

00:08:57.620 Like he hasn't become perfection yet.

00:09:00.380 He hasn't actually, he doesn't actually have his salvation or his, his, um, uh, he doesn't

00:09:08.340 have heaven in his grips at this point.

00:09:10.880 And if you understand Philippians and Corinthians, you'll get what I'm saying there.

00:09:14.040 But what he's saying, he says, but one thing that I do forgetting things, those things

00:09:19.480 which are behind and reaching forward to the things which are ahead.

00:09:24.640 Um, he forgets those things.

00:09:26.320 That's what Paul, the Apostle Paul does.

00:09:28.520 Yeah, that's what God does.

00:09:29.780 Once he forgives your sin, he forgets about it.

00:09:32.000 It's as if it never happened.

00:09:33.180 Yeah, it's at the bottom of the ocean floor.

00:09:35.560 And so I'm going to read a couple more scriptures

00:09:37.260 that I think will bring the authority to what we're saying true for you.

00:09:42.460 Because if you're dwelling on past sin,

00:09:45.320 you're the only one doing it because God's not dwelling on it.

00:09:48.700 If God's dwelling on it, then he has to become a liar.

00:09:50.880 And it says that it is impossible for God to lie.

00:09:53.480 Okay, you're the only one dwelling on it.

00:09:56.260 and Satan loves it.

00:09:58.360 He loves you being tormented by your past

00:10:01.500 and so that you cannot move forward to the future.

00:10:06.340 You're in bondage to it,

00:10:07.980 and that's why Jesus came,

00:10:09.700 is to make us free of these things.

00:10:13.140 1 John 1, 9 says,

00:10:16.060 If we confess our sins,

00:10:17.980 he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins

00:10:21.440 and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

00:10:24.700 So if that's true, my friend, then you're thinking incorrectly,

00:10:29.940 or if you're right, then Jesus is lying.

00:10:32.540 And so we have to be very careful that there's actually a disobedience.

00:10:37.540 Like you might even consider repenting to the Lord, going,

00:10:41.420 Lord, I am so sorry that I have not received the grace in which you paid such a mighty price for.

00:10:49.720 And yeah, Veronica may be close to the scripture that I think is also critical.

00:10:53.260 Yeah, 2 Corinthians 5, 17.

00:10:55.520 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

00:10:58.580 Old things have passed away.

00:10:59.900 Behold, all things have become new.

00:11:02.980 Yeah, I mean, if you're struggling people with just your past,

00:11:08.120 the apostle gave some doctrine here for us.

00:11:13.360 If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

00:11:16.720 Old things have passed away.

00:11:18.760 Behold, all things have become new.

00:11:21.100 You're new.

00:11:21.500 and so let go of that stuff don't dwell on it for one minute don't think about it if it's been

00:11:27.020 repented of truly repented of meaning you've turned away from that sin um don't think about

00:11:33.460 it again it's gone there's no point um hopefully that's helpful for you okay next question how can

00:11:41.860 i get back to a place of desire both physically and mentally for my husband after experiencing

00:11:46.480 deep hurt over his pornography use being sexually and emotionally vulnerable with a man who i feel

00:11:51.920 like has violated my trust in every way possible it hurt me so deeply feels impossible well first

00:12:00.320 off i'm sorry you're having to deal with this and also know that you're not alone because many many

00:12:05.720 many women have had to walk through this road um and porn like we've said before porn is the

00:12:12.320 cancer of the church yeah it is hurting people and couples people if you're men or women if

00:12:20.900 you're looking at pornography um stop it's not just a matter of like doing the right thing it

00:12:27.800 is practicing sin and getting better at it it's getting better at sin and man if you look at the

00:12:34.140 scriptures, the warnings of those who practice sin, it should scare you. It'll put the fear of

00:12:42.740 the Lord right in you, because there is a strong argument that you can't have that sin, practicing

00:12:49.060 sin, and your salvation is with it. There's a strong argument there, and so I just want you

00:12:55.760 to have the fear of the Lord. The Bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

00:13:00.760 um so yeah what veronica said uh ladies if you're dealing with this men if you're dealing with a

00:13:11.820 wife who's been unfaithful um you know it's hard it's really hard and now the the reality is that

00:13:22.980 we're called to be like christ that's what it means to be a christian and um we get to follow

00:13:29.880 Christ not just in the easy stuff, but we get to follow Christ in the hard stuff. And we're called

00:13:35.960 to forgive others the way that we were forgiven. God says, or Jesus says, if you don't forgive

00:13:44.340 others who have sinned against you, then your Father in heaven will not forgive you. I mean,

00:13:48.640 he's literally saying that our horizontal forgiveness with others is directly connected

00:13:53.400 with our vertical forgiveness with God.

00:13:56.600 Like, and that's a scary scripture.

00:14:00.720 Yeah, and just hearing that, just so you know,

00:14:02.960 like being angry and being hurt by your spouse

00:14:06.360 for being sinned against is righteous anger

00:14:09.900 and righteous hurt.

00:14:11.440 But to react in that and sin in your anger

00:14:16.060 and sin in your bitterness is not okay.

00:14:18.680 Yeah, and for it to remain,

00:14:20.800 to turn into bitterness, resentment,

00:14:22.460 and which will yeah the goal should be to communicate through it to get past it yeah

00:14:28.420 and and we're looking for true forgiveness here not like cultural forgiveness here like i forgive

00:14:33.700 you but still like withholding sex from him or yes just being bitter yeah i mean it's bitterness

00:14:38.920 and this happens all the time this is this is what even the church adopts is that

00:14:42.560 is cultural forgiveness true forgiveness is the same forgiveness in which we were forgiven

00:14:48.640 and um it's it's it's big stuff true forgiving is an act that you can only do in the power of

00:14:57.280 the gospel it's the only you can only do it with the power of the holy spirit because it is

00:15:00.980 not our flesh hates it our flesh hates it hates it and hates everything about it it's illogical

00:15:06.240 they want your spouse to feel the pain that you have caused them yeah exactly um i'm going to

00:15:13.220 read you Ephesians 4, 32. It says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as

00:15:20.560 God in Christ forgave you. Now, I do believe this woman, her story, which is, again, I think

00:15:29.780 applicable to thousands of people. I believe that this is a form of withholding forgiveness.

00:15:36.980 I really do believe that is what's happening. At the very least, if it's not that,

00:15:41.640 It's not understanding the significance of your own forgiveness from Christ or through Christ.

00:15:48.760 So it's either withholding forgiveness or, at the very least, not understanding the significance of your own forgiveness.

00:15:56.040 How, the magnitude of how much you've been forgiven.

00:16:00.640 And I want to talk about something you said.

00:16:04.500 I'm going to read this.

00:16:05.360 quote, being sexually and emotionally vulnerable with a man who I feel like has violated my trust

00:16:11.640 in every way possible and hurt me so deeply feels impossible. We have to remember that we,

00:16:19.040 like how much we have violated God. We have to remember how much we violated God

00:16:26.480 and how undeserving we are of his grace, how unworthy we are of his forgiveness,

00:16:33.740 us how wretched we are. And that's a hard thing to do, to kind of just go and remember those things.

00:16:41.900 And when we can do that, when we can recognize how undeserving we are, we understand the

00:16:47.020 significance and the magnitude of our forgiveness. Holding resentment and bitterness against others

00:16:54.640 who have sinned against us is a sign that we really believe that we aren't that bad.

00:16:59.700 okay it's pride it's self-righteousness um and true forgiveness just like christ okay just this

00:17:10.500 is the hammer right here and this is hard stuff i'm not saying i'm a pro at it but i'm saying if

00:17:15.680 we're going to be biblical this is what the scriptures teach true forgiveness just like

00:17:21.040 with christ is putting us back into relationship exactly the same way it was prior to sin

00:17:28.240 And if you look at that, you go, well, when I sin against Christ, I am separating myself

00:17:40.060 from, you know, with unrighteousness, and I need to repent of that. Well, the moment I repent to

00:17:47.320 the Lord, and I go, Lord, I'm so sorry for the things that I've done. Forgive me, Father,

00:17:52.040 for I have sinned. That very moment, I'm back into relationship and fellowship with the Lord,

00:17:58.240 exactly how I was prior to the sin.

00:18:02.540 And we do that even with parenting, right?

00:18:05.520 Your children sin against you or the Lord,

00:18:09.180 and they repent,

00:18:10.880 and they repent to us for whatever they did wrong.

00:18:13.780 They might have a consequence of punishment,

00:18:17.100 of some sort of discipline to teach them the lesson,

00:18:20.920 but the moment that that's done,

00:18:23.160 the price has been paid,

00:18:24.980 they're back into fellowship exactly the same way

00:18:28.100 as they were prior to the sin yeah now that doesn't mean that life has to stay that you know

00:18:34.180 go back to being exactly the same um there might be new boundaries um do you want to explain that

00:18:41.000 like those those boundaries are for the benefit of building back the trust yeah yeah so not you

00:18:46.780 know our belief is that um marriage is a one flesh union meaning that that it's any boundaries

00:18:53.560 within a marriage between you and your spouse is bad.

00:18:59.120 There shouldn't be any boundaries

00:19:00.520 because we're to be one flesh.

00:19:03.640 Now, there are to be boundaries with other people.

00:19:05.740 There are to be boundaries in your life

00:19:06.860 with other things that are around you guys.

00:19:08.640 Especially after a sin like this.

00:19:10.860 Yeah, especially after this, yeah.

00:19:12.040 But there's no boundaries within a marriage

00:19:14.500 in order to be one flesh.

00:19:16.200 There's no shadows.

00:19:17.140 There's no boundaries.

00:19:17.740 There's no like guards of access.

00:19:19.880 Yeah, the boundaries we're talking about, like I said,

00:19:21.320 is for building back up the trust,

00:19:23.300 not for nurturing the resentment or because your inability to be, or because your inability to

00:19:29.380 forgive. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So it's, it's about any, any boundary that you might have in your

00:19:34.680 life. It might be like, Hey, um, I just, you know, would like to have the passwords to your phone

00:19:39.580 and, and to your computer. And, you know, why don't you copy me on email, on text messages

00:19:45.360 with any other women at that? Like, I mean, things like that we talked about in our last

00:19:48.560 episode those are new boundaries externally um that you're protecting your marriage and and

00:19:54.920 they're for the benefit of the building back trust not for the nurturing of resentment or

00:19:59.900 just like as a way to like cope with your unforgiveness or something um so yeah i think

00:20:07.020 it's time to to really consider how wretched we are how much we've been forgiven and if we

00:20:15.800 are extending forgiveness the same way that Christ has forgiven us. There's parables about this,

00:20:21.960 about the parable of the debtors you might want to read. You know, the gentleman that was forgiven

00:20:28.820 by the king, and then he goes and doesn't forgive the debts of these small debts of these other

00:20:34.440 people. There's all types of stuff about this. Romans chapter one talks about the wrath of God

00:20:40.540 on unrighteous, but then Romans chapter two, Paul takes the canon that he was pointed at the

00:20:45.400 unrighteous and he points it back at the righteous and says remember that you were these people

00:20:51.220 and so just we cannot forget how much we've been forgiven if the moment we do we will stop

00:20:59.060 forgiving others all right last question my husband wants to initiate wants me to initiate

00:21:07.220 sex more often but i have a huge fear of rejection in addition i just don't desire sex as much as him

00:21:13.760 how can we fix these issues um like we've said before in previous shows and videos or whatever

00:21:19.720 else you've seen um dale and i have made a rule that we just never deny each other and so i would

00:21:26.720 encourage you to make that rule make a rule to never deny one another now there are things that

00:21:32.580 you need to be wise in use wisdom does dale get to pursue if it's very clear that i'm sick and i've

00:21:41.000 at our day or whatever it is like, you know, he, he gets his wisdom and use it and know that it's

00:21:46.660 probably not a good time. Um, and vice versa. Yeah. And, and have I made the mistake of pursuing

00:21:53.380 in times that weren't great? Sure. I've done that. But Veronica would still say, yeah. And,

00:21:59.540 um, and then the conviction might set in and go, I'm sorry. You know, that, that we, you know,

00:22:04.600 that was selfish it wasn't looking out for her um her um well-being and her enjoyment and her 0.92

00:22:12.320 peace and so sex in a marriage is always to be seeking the other's benefit that's how a sex life

00:22:19.640 works best is it's not about you and what you receive it's what it's what they receive um

00:22:25.300 and so yeah that rule has been you will never have a fear of rejection in your marriage

00:22:30.780 if you follow that rule.

00:22:33.800 Now, you do get to kind of learn each other

00:22:37.200 and as a man get to have self-control

00:22:39.540 and go, you know what?

00:22:40.320 Maybe it's not the right time,

00:22:41.300 even though I want to.

00:22:42.720 It's not the right time for her.

00:22:44.220 And vice versa.

00:22:46.540 You know, maybe I've heard, 1.00

00:22:50.160 I know lots of women 1.00

00:22:51.300 that want to have sex more than their husbands. 1.00

00:22:53.280 I hear about these messages all the time.

00:22:55.940 And the same thing is true there.

00:22:57.160 Um, but, um, a couple of things I want to just mention on this is if men get rejected

00:23:04.460 often, um, over and over again, I mean, the scriptures say, you know, do not deprive each

00:23:11.080 other.

00:23:11.420 First Corinthians chapter seven, do not deprive each other yet for a time for fasting and

00:23:15.140 for prayer, but come together again soon.

00:23:18.060 Um, that Satan does not tempt you.

00:23:21.060 Yeah.

00:23:21.260 Um, so if you're constantly rejecting, rejecting, rejecting your spouse, you're kind of opening

00:23:26.440 the door for temptation yeah to come your husband's way yeah and now now it's not yeah that doesn't

00:23:32.940 make it okay doesn't make it okay fall into that temptation but you need to reality you need to

00:23:37.160 know that as a wife that you go if you just reject your husband to the point where it's like

00:23:40.340 you have sex you know two times a month or something or you let these long stretches go

00:23:45.400 or like you know three week stretches or something like that that's dangerous the scriptures even

00:23:50.340 teach that that's dangerous. And it might not be sought out in pornography or it might not be

00:23:57.620 sought out in adultery, but it might be sought out in private masturbation. It might be sought out 0.96

00:24:01.820 and, you know, and we teach here is that, you know, secret masturbation or private sex, sex with 0.99

00:24:09.140 yourself is sex outside of marriage. Now, you know, if your spouse knows about it and has been 0.98

00:24:14.740 approved it because they have the authority over your body is what it says in 1 Corinthians 7,

00:24:18.260 And then there's a time and place for that, in our opinion.

00:24:21.440 But that's what happens.

00:24:22.780 You don't want secret sex lives going on in your marriage, even if it's just with yourself.

00:24:28.840 And another thing I want to mention that we just talked about in our last episode for our 12-week program is that if women don't actually reach climax during their sex experience,

00:24:47.180 it actually often causes, uh, women to not want to have sex often. And so we had people asking,

00:24:54.540 oh yeah, are orgasms important? Things like that. 75% of women is what the stat says.

00:24:59.680 Don't actually have orgasms during sex. And so, um, it's a pretty, uh, important part that,

00:25:06.880 that both, you know, men aren't rejected, women are being served, getting your sex life in order.

00:25:12.200 and that's what the show's about trials and trauma you got to get it straight and you got

00:25:17.640 to work at it and spend time on it um because it is it is probably the greatest metric of

00:25:25.040 understanding the greatest metric to show the health of a marriage is the health of their sex

00:25:29.880 life the frequency of their sex life um the communication that they have on their sex life

00:25:35.020 what was that stat 75 75 yeah so when you hear that stat and like you hear us saying that 0.93

00:25:40.620 that a lot of women don't reach climax when they're being into it with their spouse like

00:25:46.960 don't feel insecure about yourself and be like oh that I like I just don't want to have sex and

00:25:52.200 uh because I can't achieve this and it's uncomfortable or whatever it is don't get

00:25:57.660 down on yourself about it that just means you have more opportunity to practice and and keep

00:26:01.960 working at it figure it out I mean and the longer things yeah exactly the longer you're married the

00:26:06.400 more, you just need to communicate about it. Um, don't make it so like taboo to talk about in your

00:26:12.100 marriage. Um, it's important. Um, the last two things I want to say is actually, I'll just change

00:26:18.840 just to one thing is sex needs to be important to both spouses. It shouldn't, you got to deal

00:26:25.240 with the wounds. You got to deal with the trauma. You got to deal with the trials, but sex needs to

00:26:30.080 be important to both you and your spouse. Equally important in different ways, possibly, but equally

00:26:39.220 important. So hopefully those answer your questions. You know, we go so much deeper and

00:26:48.000 into detail on this topic of sex in our program. But this is just a good little snippet for you

00:26:55.180 guys to take and hopefully, um, grow through some of these hard things that we have to deal with

00:27:00.440 in our marriages. Um, yeah, we got a memory verse. Yeah, this week's memory verse is Philippians 3,

00:27:06.780 13 and 14. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting

00:27:12.800 those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.

00:27:16.340 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

00:27:21.540 yeah so that's philippians 3 13 through 14 um this is an important scripture to memorize

00:27:30.600 um the enemy is the great reminder of our past yeah especially if you deal with shame

00:27:37.720 especially if you deal with shame yeah so just you get to kind of take shame and take every cap

00:27:43.200 or take every thought captive you know to christ and into his truth and you get to just replace

00:27:48.920 that lie with this truth, you know? And Paul often says, follow my example, you know? And he's the one

00:27:56.400 that delivered the gospel to the Gentiles. If you're not Jewish, the only reason you got the 1.00

00:27:59.620 gospel is because Paul was commissioned to do it. That man who told you the gospel is telling you 0.94

00:28:04.660 this, but one thing that I do, forgetting these things which are behind and reaching forward to

00:28:09.280 those things which are ahead. So remember that. A couple things. If you guys have not left us a

00:28:17.820 review. Would you guys do that? Um, this is, you know, the end of the show and all we'd love for

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00:28:38.980 stars and leave a review later, you can do that too. Um, but these reviews, they really do help

00:28:44.020 the exposure of our show. If you're watching this on YouTube, um, know that we have a podcast. And

00:28:49.380 if you're listening on podcasts, we know that we have a YouTube channel. You can watch these things

00:28:52.640 and you can just go to ultimate marriage.com forward slash podcast. Um, actually it's not

00:28:57.240 forward slash podcast. Just go to the podcast tab and you can, this is episode 17. We have all the

00:29:02.660 notes, the videos, uh, the, the, you can listen to it there. We have all the quotes, the scriptures,

00:29:07.640 the memory verse, the questions, everything is there for you to review of every episode that we

00:29:14.200 do. It's there for your benefit. And we just want to let you guys know that that exists.

00:29:20.040 But again, thank you guys for listening to the show. We appreciate it. And we will see you guys

00:29:26.520 here next week on the Ultimate Marriage Podcast. See ya. Take care.

00:29:30.920 thank you for joining us on this episode of ultimate marriage if you're homesick for a

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00:29:51.080 lessons on building a biblical marriage

00:29:52.980 Transcription by CastingWords

Dale Partridge - October 31, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #17： How To Overcome Sexual Trials and Trauma In Your Marriage

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