Ultimate Marriage #18： 10 Attributes of Biblical Love
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about the 10 biblical attributes of love and how to apply them to your spouse, family, friends, and even enemies. If you don t have love in your life, then how will you be able to walk these things out in your relationship with God?
Transcript
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welcome to ultimate marriage today we're going to be talking about the 10 biblical attributes
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of love so we are filming in the studio right now and there is a mouse in our studio
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doesn't bother me one bit but it does bother veronica um not on a real big level but she's
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Yeah. I think they're cute. They are cute, but like they just move so fast and that's the part
0.96
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I don't like. I think they're rabid. Like if it was, I'd probably be way more confident it was a
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snake because at least they move slower. Yeah. That is not me. I'm not excited about that. We
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are both sick. Um, you can maybe hear it in our voices. Veronica is getting over it. I'm getting
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over it. Yeah. I'm feeling better. I supposedly doctor thinks that I might have bronchitis,
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which is always happens at the end of a cold. And so I'm getting better though. I feel better
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today than I did yesterday and better yesterday than I did the day before. However, having a
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cold for a week and then this, it's been a hard thing. However, we are here and we're doing this
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podcast because we are committed to delivering you guys content every single week. A couple
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things before we start. Subscribe on YouTube if you have not subscribed and subscribe on iTunes
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if you are new to the show. We'd love to have you. And if you could leave a review at the end
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of the episode, not on this episode, but on the podcast, your reviews really do help the exposure
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of the show. And all you need to do is tap the stars. You don't even need to write something.
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However, if you write something, we will read it. And yeah, you know, I was going to talk about
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Instagram and some of those other things, but you know what? Let's just keep the show short today.
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We made a commitment earlier today that we're going to do a show, but it's going to be a little
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shorter than normal. However, I wrote this pretty giant outline. This doesn't seem super short going
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over the outline, but we'll see. Yeah. So we're going to just dive right in. So yeah, I'll let
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Veronica start. So this might be the most important passage to Christians in the New Testament. We
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are going to be talking about 1 Corinthians 13 today. And if we can't apply for those of you
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who don't know, 1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter in the Bible. And if we can't apply
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this truth to the most important, important person in your life, which is your spouse,
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then how are we going to be able to apply it to our neighbor and our brother and sister? There's
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no way that you can't. Yeah. This is critical because if you can't apply this, this truth
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about love to your husband or wife, then there ain't no chance you're going to be able to apply
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it to, you know, a friend or a brother or someone that you don't know, or an enemy,
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which the scripture calls us to treat those people that way as well.
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in a New King James ESV NASB King James version of the Bible.
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The basic premise is that you can have all wisdom.
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None of it matters. Yeah, it doesn't matter at all. Most theological commentaries conclude that
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Paul is actually saying that if you don't have love, you actually don't know God,
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and you can't even have salvation because you don't have love. And that's a theological debate.
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However, when you read scriptures like 1 John 4, 7 through 8, I'm just going to read it real quick.
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It's beloved. Let us love one another for love is of God and everyone who loves is born of God
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and knows God. He who does not love does not know God for God is love. So it's a theology based off
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the fact that if you can't express love, um, choose to express love, then your walk with God
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is, I guess, rightfully scrutinized, possibly a fraud.
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Love is the evidence of our relationship with God.
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the evidence of your relationship with God, with one another.
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And again, if you can't walk these things out with your spouse,
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how are you going to walk them out with somebody who's not living with you
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and loving you and caring for you yeah Matthew 22 37 to 39 says Jesus said you shall love the
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Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your mind this is the first and
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great commandment and the and the second is like it you shall love your neighbor as yourself
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and then another scripture that we're going to reference is 1st Corinthians 13 4 through 7 love
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suffers long and is kind love does not envy love does not parade itself is not puffed up does not
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behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in
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iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
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endures all things. So Paul mentions 15 attributes of love, but we bundled them into 10. And then
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we're going to go over those in each one and evaluate them. And you get to evaluate if you're
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walking those out in your own marriage. Yeah. So this passage of scripture, you know, it's so
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critical. I'm just going to read it again because I know when you're listening to something on a
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podcast, it's like, oh wait, I wish I, can you read it again? Just so you can hear it one more
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time. So I'm going to do that for you guys. It's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. Love suffers long
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and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. It is not puffed up, does not
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behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in
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iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
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endures all things. So we're going to go ahead and jump into this section and start kind of just
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make the list of them for, you know, all 10 of them so that we can just break each one of these
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down for you. Okay. So I'm going to start off with suffers long. What that means, it means that
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you're faithful, even in the midst of trials, uh, as a spouse, that's, that's a difficult thing to
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do, to be faithful in the midst of trials, not just faithful in terms of your wedding vows,
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but just like faithful as a friend, faithful as, as a partner, faithful as, you know, um,
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in your love, faithful in your loyalty. Well, in some scriptures, um, says patience.
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Yeah, exactly. Instead of long suffering, it says love is patient. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, again,
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patience is one of the fruits of the spirit. And so, you know, every divorce occurs because someone
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wasn't willing to suffer more or to suffer long or to be patient with. And, you know, I know
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there's always, you know, if you're in a physical beating relationship or something that's causing
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soul injury or sin in your life, you know, then there's some validated biblical reasons for
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at least separating yourself, maybe not divorcing, but separating yourself in that marriage,
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but long-suffering for people who are trying, even failing, but trying. And a patient spouse
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and a suffering, long-suffering, means that you get to suffer weaknesses, you get to suffer
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failures, you get to suffer errors. We all make them. And really without end. And that's kind of
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a big statement. I mean, God suffers us without end. We just keep messing up and he keeps forgiving
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us. And it is, um, it's expected for us to do the same. Um, and also it suffers well. And so it's,
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it's not just this kind of begrudgingly or, um, negative countenance on your face all the time,
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but like it suffers well, you know, in terms of you're not there to like, be like, I'm going to
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do it, but like, you're going to know that I hate it the whole time. Um, and Veronica is smiling
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because of why? Hey, I'm being convicted along with all of you guys. Okay. She does a pretty
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good job at this, but, but we all struggle in our areas, um, to, yeah, to suffer well. So,
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uh, Veronica is going to cover number two. So number one was suffer long. Number two is
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number two is love is kind. It's kind. Um, a complete desire to do good for your spouse,
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even in the moments which are difficult to do so.
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Kindness makes the list of the fruits of the Spirit.
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of someone who understands god it just naturally happens yeah yeah it is when you know and love god
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a fruit of the spirit is kindness and so it naturally just comes out of you yeah um and it
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is the opposite of anger or bitterness which is the great destroyer of marriages is anger and
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bitterness and so just right there we could stop today and just go okay how about you guys work on
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patience and kindness, and then we'll see you guys next week. There's enough here to last you
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decades of work. And so it's looking at this whole definition and going, wow,
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love is complex. And it goes on to say it does not envy. A husband or a wife is not to be envious
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of their spouse's biblical role or their position in the marriage.
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We are to accept the place that we are given by the Lord
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One spouse gets frustrated by the blessings of the other spouse, and it's caused by this great root of bitterness that's in them.
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Maybe they're not being loved by them a lot, and they're getting blessed over here, and it's frustrating to see.
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But envy really is, you know, what we're talking about does not envy, generally stems from insecurity or discontentment or dissatisfaction with your own life.
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And so you got to kind of check yourself here going, am I actually struggling with envy?
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It's like, it's like impossible for you to be happy for somebody else's blessings.
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And, and sadly this happens inside of a marriage and, uh, you know, husbands and wives should
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And so that's where this kind of envy thing comes here.
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Lastly, it means do not envy your friend's marriage or parts of your friend's marriage.
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But the idea where you're like lusting after them or like, you know, not waiting for the Lord, but in your own power, trying to bring them into the marriage.
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Again, I know that's this kind of comparison of marriages happens all the time.
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And we focus on someone else's marriage, how great it is without just turning our head toward our own marriage and fixing ourselves.
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So that's what I've got out of not to envy means.
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I'm going to just go through a couple more and then Veronica will jump in.
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It's not inflated with a sense of self-importance.
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and I've seen lots of men struggle with a sense of self-importance and it bleeds into their
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marriage and they want their wives to treat them in a way that is more culturally important versus
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biblically valued and I've seen it even more so with the wives especially with the culture
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it is the way it is today with the feminist movement yeah um yeah it's really challenging
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to if you don't know the scriptures well to fall into your biblical role yeah yeah yeah you'll make
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it up as you go and that's what a lot of people do i'm not puffed up this idea is it's a directly
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connected to humility are you humble um you know god resists the proud and gives grace to the
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humble it's set up several times in the scriptures in the new testament and old testament um he gives
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grace to the humble and he resists the proud how much resistance do you want from god be prideful
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and you can just get as much resistance as you want from God.
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And that's God's way of disciplining his children.
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He's not going to allow his children to be prideful.
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And let's move on to number five, which is does not behave rudely.
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I thought this was interesting just as an attribute of love.
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It means that you actually adjust your natural tendencies
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to this definition of love um it does not mean it means you don't behave outside of these kind
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of characteristics if you're if you're naturally in your flesh inclined to be blunt it means in
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the spirit you get to be gentle um i have veronica smiling again did you prepare this are you like
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subtly trying to tell me something here no i'm just kidding um yeah that's definitely me i'm
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more of a straight shooter kind of person and so i get to put my flesh in a subjection of my spirit
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when you not behave rudely well when you apply the word rude to being blunt and not being clear
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people like oh i'm just being clear um it it really does yeah there's a difference yeah and
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and you know you can really feel the weight also you know if you go out is that rude and sometimes
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it can be clear and nice, but sometimes it can be rude. I think it's, it's, um, a lot of times
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it's the right thing, wrong way. Um, I think a lot of us do that. Um, if you're assertive in your
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flesh, you know, in the spirit, you get to be soft. Um, you don't get to be rude. Um, if you're
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stiff in your way of being, um, or, you know, not firm, but stiff, then in the spirit, you get to
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choose to be flexible. And so your desire is to not hurt your spouse, even if you're hurt. You're
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not going to be rude because you're hurt. You're not going to behave rudely. And your desire is not
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to embarrass or to tarnish the reputation of your spouse, but to actually protect it.
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Yeah, absolutely. And Proverbs 11, 13 says, whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
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I want to talk about that just for a second, is that as a spouse, you get to cover a lot of things.
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You know, you don't get to open up sometimes to the public the flaws that you get to see in your spouse.
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There are secrets between you two in your marriage that don't get to go outside.
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But there are secrets within the marriage that you get to keep.
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okay number six does not seek its own so this means that you don't only desire this means that
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the spouse doesn't only desire their own spiritual welfare they're constantly looking out for the
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the spouse looking out for and giving their spouse preference yep um and this is building
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your spouse up, looking out for them. Try again. I think you're, you're still like stumbling a
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little bit in your thought. Grasp the thought real quick and just, you know, does not seek
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its own. It means that you're seeking the benefit of others.
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where are we? Number six. So number six does not seek its own. That means you're constantly
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looking out for your spouse. You're seeking the benefit of others. Um, this is an act of
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constantly giving each other preference and building your spouse up. Um, we have to get rid
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of this worldly pursuit of self care that everybody's talking about and instead replace
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it with spouse care. Sure. Yeah. And it's, you know, sure. Does that mean avoid and devoid
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yourself of care? No. But it means that it's not, don't make a practice of self-care.
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It's just not, not everything is all about you. Yes. Yeah. Love is, it doesn't seek its own.
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What does that mean? It means that it seeks the benefit of others. And it means that in your
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marriage, I'm seeking the benefit of Veronica. Whatever I'm doing should benefit her or the
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children um and the same thing for her is that she should be constantly looking out for my interests
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you know my preferences and the more you do that the better your marriage is i mean we've seen that
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you know when our marriage is humming it's because we are just constantly seeking our own
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are seeking not not it's because we're constantly seeking uh each other's uh needs and preferences
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Yeah, preferences and benefits. Number seven is it's not provoked. Now, this is, you know,
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I'm going to replace this word with a word that makes more sense for today. And that word is
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offended. Okay. That's, it's not offended. You're not easily offended. If you're an easily offended
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spouse, you got to work on that. That's a problem. You're not to be easily offended. Love is not
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easily offended. People who are easily offended are not showing love. Just know that. You actually
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have a great reason to doubt if they actually loved you, if they're so easily offended.
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Offense is actually advertising your lack of love. It only took that one statement or that
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one little thing to make you immediately offended. To set someone off. Yeah. To set someone off.
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you know and think about it how many times does our kids offend us you know or do things that are
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offensive i should say i mean they're toddlers toddlers so all the time yeah you know when a
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kid yells the top of his lungs out the middle of nowhere you're like oh you know it's an offensive
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act but do you get offended no you don't get offended because if you got offended your love
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for the child would be very shallow. Yeah. And so, um, it means you're not easily irritated.
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So I'm sure that probably checks some spirits, um, who are listening today, but, um, it means
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you're not bitter. You're not easily made easily bitter. Um, uh, you know, now you might be thinking,
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don't I have the right to be offended? Like, don't I have the right to be offended? No,
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you don't have the right. You have the right to be hurt. You have the command to forgive.
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there's righteous anger yeah you have the right to be righteously angry you know if your spouse
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cheats on you can be righteously angry you can be hurt you have the command to forgive
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but you don't have the right to be offended and I want to clarify that for a second
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offense actually cuts you off from God's blessings because it's a statement that you
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have forgotten how filthy you were prior to God. And God still, how filthy we were, how undeserving
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we were. God still made a way, keeps taking us back, made us his children, saved us. He even says
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prior to this that even our good works are filthy rags. We were filthy. We were offensive.
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and God was not offended. And that kind of, I think, carries over into our own marriage.
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When we get offended, we forget how much we've been forgiven and how gross we actually are.
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Number eight, thinks no evil. I had a gentleman a few weeks ago message me,
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and he said, hey, Dale, I knew a guy that was just like you, man. You remind me so much
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of this guy i knew and i was friends with him for like 10 years and then all of a sudden
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like i found out that for five years he'd been like walking in this super gross sin and i just
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wanted to tell you man if you're if you're hiding something like just just get out of it confess it
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man and get out of it like and i'm like and you didn't know this person i don't know this guy
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he's just writing me this and i'm like wait wait wait okay one brother i don't have anything that
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I'm hiding in some deep sin that needs to be made known.
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Two is that don't project your past history with somebody else
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You never project some experience that happened somewhere else
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But with the command here, I actually sent him the scripture
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and um and i said hey you know this is what you're doing is incorrect according to the bible it's not
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loving it's actually from the enemy and uh he actually wrote me back and said oh my gosh i'm
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so sorry you're so right i shouldn't have done this yeah i mean and that's that's encouraging
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for me to hear because a lot of men would just get offensive offended and want to start an
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argue with me but instead he chose to walk in humility yeah it's like a false accusation is
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what it is and um it's very dangerous in today's world too with the internet and everybody that's
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being accused nobody knows if they're actually true or not and and so um true love anyways i
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want to say is that i forgave him he apologized i forgave him and i wasn't offended and so i just
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moved on um he wrote me back the next day saying oh man i'm so sorry so sorry like i apologized
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again so um true love is not suspicious okay that that's just what what it's at even if there's some
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past history you need to be smart but but true love is this kind of it's very difficult to not
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be suspicious later we're going to look at the the last part of the scripture and it says love
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believes all things and so we'll talk about that then um it doesn't um it doesn't expect that a
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good act has something bad motive motivating it you know behind it and so i i don't know how you
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apply that to your marriage but it doesn't expect that you're like there's some bad motive um behind
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this good act that's being done and you don't see the good in the person you see the bad in the
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person. Yeah. And I know lots of people, Christians, that really struggle with this.
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This means after forgiveness, it attempts to extend trust often. It's trying to. I know it's
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hard, but it's trying to. And when things aren't clear or they're confusing, you give the benefit
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of the doubt to your spouse. Yeah. Because it thinks no evil. And that's hard. That's very hard
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to do um you're to be curious before you're critical we say that all the time yeah like
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for example if I'm on a Sunday morning and I'm getting all the kids ready and all this and Dale's
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just gone not that he's gone out of the house like I just don't see him he's not present you're
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somewhere else in the house I don't get to be like angry and mad at you like why is it in bitter why
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is it Dale down here helping me I get to give him the benefit of the doubt and all like oh well maybe
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he's upstairs printing out his sermon or doing something, you know, maybe he was doing something
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that's beneficial for the whole family. Yeah. Yeah. And, and it doesn't mean that when you
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do find out the truth that you can't get righteously angry about the, the, the issue,
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be hurt, be, be talk about it, restore the relationship and move forward. It just means
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that until you have the facts, you don't get to go in your heart and think evil before you know
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what's going on. You're not, I guess, predisposed to thinking evil on somebody before you even know
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the facts. And now, can we think evil of evil things? Yes. You know, Proverbs says that the
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fear of the Lord is the hatred of evil. So we do get to, you know, the things that the Lord has
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declared evil, we can think evil upon. But this passage is not talking about that. It's talking
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about what we just explained um i know veronica wants to read number nine number nine does not
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rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth i'm gonna give you a little quote that you like
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to share yeah you share it okay there's this quote that dale often says did you get it from
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somewhere this quote is like a mixture of two quotes that you combined that i combined so yeah
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one of i'm chuck swindoll is part of it so i'll give you that so yeah the quote is the river of
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love must flow down the banks of truth if we remove the banks we begin to love things that
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god hates yeah so it does not rejoice in iniquity but it rejoices in the truth um you know as a
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christian spouse you don't rejoice in things that oppose scripture okay and there's lots of things
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that are being presented to the church today that oppose scripture.
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You don't rejoice in iniquity and the things that oppose scripture.
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And it is unloving to rejoice in the things that stand against God's word.
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So if you think that you're saying that love is love or whatever it is,
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protect your choice and abortion or whatever it might be.
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Those statements are really deeply theologically connected
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We don't get to kind of redefine what God defined.
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Um, and you're going to seek out God's truth and rejoice in it, be happy in it, even if it's
00:28:23.860
uncomfortable, even if it's unpopular, even if it's hard against your flesh. And you're not going
00:28:30.020
to persecute God's truth through denial or rejection in your own life. That's a persecution
00:28:35.560
of God's truth. It's just your own denial or rejection. You're persecuting God's truth and
00:28:39.860
that's not loving um number 10 number 10 number 10 bears all things believes all things hopes all
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things and endures all things you know i love how paul wrote this because i think that he actually
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like chronologically put those things there like meaning that there's you know bears all things
00:28:58.800
like you're just here to kind of walk out those burdens with people um believes all things we
00:29:06.620
talked about that. It's just this, like, this believes the best in people, you know? Doesn't
00:29:14.500
kind of have this kind of place of evil in their heart for people. Like, doesn't, isn't so suspicious
00:29:21.680
or skeptical about motives. Again, bears all things, believes all things, but hopes all things.
00:29:27.020
I was reading some, I was doing some studying on this verse, and it says, when there is no
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place left for believing good of a person then love comes in with hope and i like that it said
00:29:40.740
bears all things believes all things hopes all things you can no longer bear for whatever reason
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you can no longer believe for whatever reason because they've proven themselves to not be
00:29:51.280
worth believing in because they're rejected the truth they've they've left they've run away
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should make us realize that love is not something
00:30:57.100
Yeah, and when you think about that, we think that love is a feeling.
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We get a feeling when we love, but our flesh lies to us.
00:31:08.880
So we have to remember that we have three enemies.
00:31:10.660
We have the enemy himself, we have the world, and we have our flesh.
00:31:16.700
And Galatians 5 or 6, I always forget, but it says that the spirit wars against the flesh,
00:31:27.200
so that you may not do the things that you wish.
00:31:49.900
you know, I've also talked about the difference
00:31:54.140
You can still love something without accepting it.
00:31:56.540
You can still love somebody without accepting certain behaviors that they've walked out.
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And we need to look back at this passage of Scripture to remember what love is and how it's defined.
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And so I'm going to read the memory verse real quick.
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I want you guys to memorize this passage of Scripture.
00:32:22.900
you should have it memorized as a Christian. And I know there's a lot to memorize, but just at some
00:32:29.620
point, get it done. 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not
00:32:36.460
envy. Love does not parade itself. It is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek
00:32:42.220
its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth,
00:33:13.260
So, we're going to go lay down and rest and heal.
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Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.
00:33:24.600
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00:33:28.720
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00:33:32.420
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