Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #24： Setting Biblical Boundaries on Movies, Media, and Music

00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we are talking about setting biblical boundaries 0.85

00:00:13.620 for movies, media, and music. Yeah, so we're going to talk about this. I think the main

00:00:20.140 section is going to be talking about movies and shows because that's kind of the biggest

00:00:24.460 way that people consume media outside of social media. This isn't a conversation about social

00:00:28.440 media that much. It's really a conversation about what are we entertained by? What do we allow in

00:00:33.740 our homes? What are we going to unify on what we allow on? Because that's generally different in

00:00:39.400 almost every marriage that we've seen is that, you know, the guy might be more comfortable with

00:00:44.980 this. The girl isn't comfortable with that. And there's this battle that we get of, you know, 0.61

00:00:50.780 what is good? What is not good? What is sinful to watch? What is not sinful to watch? What are you

00:00:55.780 comfortable with? What are you not comfortable with? How do we deal with those things in our

00:00:59.640 marriage? Um, anything to say on that? I think that, um, you know, we've had this struggle over

00:01:06.820 the years, right? Like this is something that we've, you know, Veronica's doesn't like something

00:01:11.000 that I'm like, Oh, okay. I think that's okay. Or I like something and she doesn't think that it's

00:01:15.020 okay. And so there's, um, we've had these conversations. This is very real conversation

00:01:19.980 for our marriage and a journey that we've even been through. Um, so how does this apply to

00:01:23.760 marriage, I'm assuming you've had conversations about this. Media is a big part of the modern

00:01:30.440 life, you know, from your phone, from your TV shows, from your movies, from the music that

00:01:34.740 you listen to. I think we're mostly consuming media much of the day. So before we jump in

00:01:41.140 to the conversation, again, this is a podcast that's available on YouTube. It's also available

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00:02:15.140 The last thing I'm going to mention before we start is if you guys are interested in

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00:02:37.040 how to have a godly marriage.

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00:02:45.960 Okay, I love movies, and Veronica doesn't.

00:02:51.220 Share your story about movies.

00:02:52.640 Like, how do you view movies?

00:02:54.520 I feel like it's a waste of my time.

00:02:57.620 I would much rather be productive in cleaning my home or getting laundry done

00:03:03.140 or hanging out with a friend, having a meaningful conversation,

00:03:07.120 than sitting down watching a movie.

00:03:08.640 And you would think that would be like how I think about it because I'm the guy that likes to do, you know, the teach and the study and all those things.

00:03:15.480 But movies are a relaxing way for my brain.

00:03:18.900 For you, it's like the only way to shut your brain off.

00:03:22.020 Yeah.

00:03:22.980 Because to be entertained somewhere else.

00:03:24.600 To be zoned out or something by watching a movie.

00:03:27.880 Yeah.

00:03:29.160 Where my form of relaxation is like taking a nap and just laying down or resting.

00:03:34.640 Yeah.

00:03:34.880 Not watching a movie.

00:03:36.420 Yeah.

00:03:36.580 so we've you know now don't get me wrong there's there's movies here and there that'll come up

00:03:41.120 that i like but for the most part i'm very rarely interested in watching a movie yeah there's a

00:03:46.100 handful of movies that veronica likes and we'll watch those sporadically through the year or

00:03:52.500 every other year sick yeah or if it's you know we've been cooped up inside because of winter

00:03:57.920 for too long yeah or you're in labor or hey yeah i do watch movies and i'm in labor yeah that's

00:04:03.960 that's another place that we'll, I'll finally get her to sit down and, and enjoy a movie for a 0.74

00:04:07.940 little bit. Take her mind off of that. Um, yeah, I love movies. I love, you know, my favorite movie 1.00

00:04:12.080 is probably the Count of Monte Cristo, um, uh, with Jim Caviezel, I think is his name. He's in

00:04:18.340 that movie. He's the guy that played Jesus. So it's super holy, um, back to the future trilogy.

00:04:24.780 That's probably again, one of my all-time favorite. I love the back to the future trilogy,

00:04:28.660 Saving Private Ryan

00:04:30.280 I just finished watching Operation Finale

00:04:33.300 which is a really cool story

00:04:36.760 about the outcomings of World War II

00:04:40.520 but don't get me wrong

00:04:42.780 I actually don't watch movies that much

00:04:44.800 I used to

00:04:45.780 but I watch a couple movies a year

00:04:48.440 I think yeah once we start having kids

00:04:50.040 it's just impossible to watch a movie

00:04:53.200 without an interruption

00:04:54.540 or if the kids are asleep

00:04:56.060 we fall asleep before the movie can end

00:04:57.960 Yeah. So like tired. Yeah. If I'm sick, that's when I get a chance to watch a movie. Or if I like

00:05:03.220 and just totally need to go have a rest day, I might put on a movie. But movies aren't a part

00:05:07.700 of our weekly activity. That's not something that we do as a family. And neither are TV shows.

00:05:14.340 You know, we'll watch some Everybody Loves Raymond. As you guys know, that's a funny joke

00:05:17.680 for our, we've been watching it for so many years. But even then. Just Dale and I, to be clear. Yeah.

00:05:23.480 We're not watching it with the kids.

00:05:24.720 But the idea is that we still don't watch a lot of TV shows.

00:05:28.740 We haven't watched a modern TV show in years.

00:05:32.400 That's just not something that we do in our home.

00:05:34.900 And the kids aren't watching modern movies and modern TV shows really much either.

00:05:40.880 And so this is a conversation of how we've kind of come to the people that we are with entertainment and media.

00:05:46.920 And it has been a journey to get to this place.

00:05:50.780 um and you know tv consumes more and more of you um once you start watching it and you start to

00:06:00.600 feel like it belongs and that if you if you don't have it um you don't know how you get along

00:06:07.120 without it and that that's when it starts to take a place in your heart and in your mind and in your

00:06:12.320 day that really should only be taken by god or your family and so tv in general media in general

00:06:19.360 does absolutely steal a portion of your life that basically turns into an idol it does yeah so how

00:06:26.060 should we determine what is appropriate to watch or to listen to in our homes um dale and i get

00:06:31.300 questions all the time emailed to us written to us on instagram wherever um from wives usually

00:06:36.560 asking what they should do when their husbands insist on watching a movie or a show that has

00:06:41.980 some type of sexual content or nude nudity, cursing, killing, just lewd and vulgar.

00:06:49.320 So how do you follow biblical principles without just taking your TV and throwing away, which,

00:06:55.340 hey, you can do that too. Yeah. I'm all for that. Yeah. But, um, or TV room or yeah. So

00:07:02.180 we have a few questions that we want to ask you guys to help you examine your heart

00:07:06.920 and to make decisions that will keep you holy, obedient, and wise

00:07:11.580 when it comes to media.

00:07:15.200 Yeah, and it's something that makes your marriage feel secure and safe

00:07:18.240 and your kids feel secure and safe.

00:07:20.700 It's boundaries, putting up boundaries.

00:07:22.200 It is, and yeah, and so we're going to talk about

00:07:25.480 why we put up boundaries, how important this is.

00:07:27.380 This is a really important, and I would say pretty deep conversation today,

00:07:30.780 so if you feel like it's like, oh, movies, that's what we're talking about,

00:07:33.940 trust me, we're going to go a little bit to the deep end of the pool here in a minute.

00:07:36.580 So it isn't just about movies.

00:07:39.800 It actually has nothing to do with movies.

00:07:41.440 It has everything to do with sin, with obedience, with love, with holiness.

00:07:45.660 It has to do with your heart.

00:07:46.300 With your heart.

00:07:46.980 Yeah.

00:07:47.280 So the first question that we are going to ask you is, are you entertained by what God hates?

00:07:53.720 Hey, this is still you.

00:07:54.580 These are still your notes.

00:07:55.100 I know.

00:07:55.140 I'm just saying.

00:07:55.860 I'm just letting there be a pause for dramatic effect.

00:07:59.440 Come on, babe.

00:08:00.980 Are you entertained by what God hates?

00:08:04.400 You know, humor has such a good job.

00:08:06.100 Like, humor can literally mask and sanitize anything to somehow make it palatable.

00:08:13.760 Yeah, it desensitizes you.

00:08:15.400 It totally does.

00:08:16.420 So, do you find joy in movies and shows that promote divorce or lying or stealing or adultery?

00:08:23.380 Do you enjoy the suspense of horror movies or are you amused by death?

00:08:28.740 Yeah.

00:08:29.180 I personally am not.

00:08:30.760 Me neither.

00:08:31.160 Do you watch TV shows with nudity or sexual or explicit content?

00:08:37.220 Yes.

00:08:37.540 Which pretty much seems to be everywhere.

00:08:39.860 You just can't get away from it.

00:08:42.040 You can't get away from it.

00:08:42.820 Especially in modern television.

00:08:44.100 In modern television, yeah.

00:08:45.320 And that's why we don't watch hardly any modern television.

00:08:49.440 So, yeah, you know, personally, this is, you know, guys, speaking to the guys here,

00:08:53.360 I would say I have a pretty high tolerance for violence.

00:08:57.280 I have a high tolerance for even some bad language.

00:09:01.160 I have come over the years to have zero tolerance for nudity.

00:09:06.880 And the reason is because the violence, it's make-believe.

00:09:11.720 The bad language, it's being acted out.

00:09:14.520 Well, and generally, the movies that you watch that are violent or have bad language in them

00:09:18.380 are like military historical movies.

00:09:21.200 War movies.

00:09:21.520 War movies, yeah.

00:09:22.500 They're like showing things like that.

00:09:24.480 Not like, I'm going to go murder this dude in the back alley.

00:09:26.960 Like, I'm not into that kind of stuff.

00:09:28.280 But yeah, so the reason is that the violence is make-believe, and that's why I can have that high tolerance. 0.92

00:09:36.240 The bad language is, again, it's being acted out, but the lady is actually naked, and I'm actually watching.

00:09:45.120 And so that's the problem, is that that is very real.

00:09:48.360 And so while the other things aren't real, that is real.

00:09:51.280 And so there's a bit of a difference between those two things. 1.00

00:09:54.280 you know some of the ladies probably aren't as comfortable with the violence or the gore 1.00

00:09:58.780 in terms of a military movie like Saving Private Ryan or something or even sometimes with the

00:10:04.140 language of those things again and some guys might not be either that's just my personal

00:10:09.320 thing but I draw the line on that and and that seems to be a big conversation between a lot of

00:10:15.740 families yeah and I don't generally mind you watching those kinds of things I'm very sensitive

00:10:20.080 to any type of killing

00:10:23.660 or excessive lewd language.

00:10:28.660 I'm just very sensitive to that.

00:10:29.940 I just don't watch it at all.

00:10:31.140 We have to remember

00:10:31.600 God made men differently than women. 0.98

00:10:33.180 And this is one of those examples. 1.00

00:10:34.460 There's a reason that men 1.00

00:10:35.540 can go to war 0.97

00:10:37.200 week after week,

00:10:40.320 month after month,

00:10:41.140 seeing people die,

00:10:42.560 being killed,

00:10:43.400 and still wake up the next day 0.99

00:10:45.060 and do it again. 1.00

00:10:46.500 Women aren't designed to do that. 1.00

00:10:48.280 And the same thing plays out 1.00

00:10:49.240 when you're in a war movie so yeah don't expect your wife to go and just watch a war movie i know

00:10:53.840 some women can um but i don't know i can i don't know any man who walks away from a horrific

00:10:59.220 like a horror movie vulgar or sexually explicit film um and is more godly because of it

00:11:08.920 that's not what happens it doesn't make you more like god if you're entertained by horror

00:11:14.880 or by sexually explicit content or drug use

00:11:19.360 or, like, some of these, like, really gross stuff.

00:11:22.060 It doesn't make you more godly.

00:11:24.960 And, you know, what's really happening is these movies

00:11:28.980 that have this explicit content, it's desensitizing you to sin.

00:11:34.020 It's making you kind of comfortable with it.

00:11:37.060 It's more common, you know.

00:11:39.540 And it also deadens our capacity for joy.

00:11:43.580 And I thought this was it.

00:11:44.520 I was doing some research on this,

00:11:46.100 and it was John Piper that said that line.

00:11:48.940 It deadens your capacity for joy.

00:11:50.680 And I thought, ooh, that's really good.

00:11:53.080 Because that's true.

00:11:54.780 If you imagine somebody who watches this kind of stuff,

00:11:57.860 it just fills their mind with this filth.

00:12:01.560 It really steals away your ability to be joyful. 0.80

00:12:05.740 You start framing up a worldview that's just a little bit gross.

00:12:10.380 and they literally steal away, these movies will steal away the thing that makes you so attractive

00:12:16.580 to an onlooking world, which is joy and hope. And you start watching enough of this stuff

00:12:22.780 and filling your head and heart with enough of this stuff, and it actually strips away the thing

00:12:27.740 that God actually puts upon us to make us attractive to the lost. And so I'm going to put

00:12:34.740 it bluntly the only nude woman's body that a man should be looking at is the man or is that of his 0.94

00:12:41.200 wife's and so if you see now there's a difference i know sometimes you guys are watching a movie

00:12:46.480 together and you've never seen it before and a nude scene pops up okay men it's your job to

00:12:51.720 immediately if you can click click stop or click pause fast forward that scene make a distinction

00:12:58.000 are we going to keep watching this is it likely this is going to be continuing on in the movie

00:13:01.660 or is this maybe just a one-off thing?

00:13:04.260 You know, you're going to have to make a decision

00:13:06.020 or you just turn it off.

00:13:08.400 It's not that big of a deal

00:13:10.240 just to just turn the movie off

00:13:11.680 to make your wife feel comfortable.

00:13:14.780 And trust me, guys, I failed here before.

00:13:17.640 You know, this is a journey for a lot of families

00:13:21.020 and a lot of couples to figure out

00:13:22.280 where's that threshold.

00:13:23.820 And I've been convicted just going, 1.00

00:13:25.500 okay, now just turn it off or talk to your wife.

00:13:28.300 Hey, do you want to fast forward through this 1.00

00:13:30.140 and see if we can watch the rest of this movie?

00:13:31.660 leave it up to her, especially in these moments, because movies are generally tailored toward the 1.00

00:13:38.460 lust of the man's eye and not the woman's eye. And so it's a naked woman. It's not necessarily 0.99

00:13:45.000 naked men, which again, in my experience and understanding of women, they're not real excited 0.79

00:13:49.260 about that anyways. So I'm going to read Matthew 27 through 28. It says, you have heard that it 1.00

00:14:00.040 was said to those of old, this is Jesus talking, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you

00:14:06.800 that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

00:14:13.820 Okay, guys, the guy who guards his eyes shields his heart. And so you just have to recognize that

00:14:22.640 your eyes are a gateway to your heart. And when these things pop up, you got to work on guarding

00:14:29.500 your eyes and shielding them. Even when you walk around town, when you are on social media,

00:14:36.380 whatever it is, guard your eyes because they are a gateway to your heart. And if you're going to

00:14:41.460 cheat with your eyes, you know what? It's just not too far behind that you'll cheat with your body.

00:14:46.520 I've seen that. That's the guys that look at porn. Oh, you'll cheat with your eyes and you 0.83

00:14:50.200 cheat with your heart. Oh, you'll cheat with your body at some point too. And so, you know,

00:14:54.720 there's a quote by, oh my gosh, I always forget the guy that made this quote. It's not Chuck

00:15:00.580 Coulson. Anyways, he says, adultery starts in the head before it occurs in the bed. And

00:15:06.680 this is, again, you're watching shows, you can commit adultery just with that woman that's in

00:15:12.420 that movie. So we want to guard against those things. Cool. Next question to ask yourself

00:15:18.960 while watching a movie or show, whatever it is, will this movie or show make you more like Christ?

00:15:24.720 now you might be thinking what movie or show will yeah right especially into like i said earlier to

00:15:31.300 in today's um culture but is it wholesome is it clean humor yeah there's few of those out there

00:15:38.860 there are yeah but there are there are they are out there um does it teach you history or is the

00:15:44.120 story just fun and moral and exciting um if so then watch it yeah again i think of like lord of

00:15:50.120 rings you know like uh it's one of those things is fun you know you know um you know cool exciting

00:15:57.320 narrative and sure there's some rough stuff in there that might not be appropriate for a kid but

00:16:01.940 for maybe a a teenager is fine um or i think about lincoln right for the movie lincoln um you know

00:16:10.600 i thought that was great it's some great history in there some understanding um and there's an hbo

00:16:16.160 series called John Adams. There's some good stuff on the history side, you know, stuff about World

00:16:21.520 War II. And there's some things about clean humor, and those things exist too. And we try to find

00:16:27.820 those things as much as we can for our kids, which are very rare to find. There's really two

00:16:33.620 positions in the church, and I'm going to share them, and I want you to identify with which one

00:16:38.740 you generally partake in and the first position is minimal holiness and what what that's saying

00:16:46.680 is what's the minimum of a minimum amount of personal holiness i need to get into heaven

00:16:52.020 and that is actually sadly and again i know that it's not of works but in terms of like what's the

00:17:00.540 minimum way that i can walk to stay righteous and not be sinning against god it's like when

00:17:07.380 you're talking to a young couple who's struggling with staying pure they're like okay well like what

00:17:10.900 can we do how close can we get to the canyon we do uh before sinning yeah you're asking yourself

00:17:19.140 the wrong question yeah yeah exactly it's it's how close can we get to the canyon without falling in

00:17:24.180 it's a bad stick my foot over it yeah exactly just hanging over there i won't fall in but it's over

00:17:31.040 there yeah and so this is this is again the minimal holiness position and sadly a lot of

00:17:37.200 the church adopts this. And when questionable activities, the way that it's shown is that when

00:17:44.080 questionable activities, movies, yeah, you know, should we go over, you know, we're dating, we're

00:17:50.260 not married yet. Should we go over and hang out at your house by ourselves? You know, questionable

00:17:53.340 activities arise. They ask, what's wrong with it? Like, what's wrong with it? Right? Like, in reality,

00:18:00.900 it's just watching a movie, right? What's wrong with it? Right? And, you know, maybe it's with

00:18:05.780 modesty. Oh, what's wrong with it, right? Like, that's the posture that they're taking. It's a

00:18:10.180 posture of, again, of wanting to know how close you can get to sin without sinning. And the second

00:18:17.320 category, which I hope that we all are aiming for this category, is the maximum holiness side. And

00:18:25.420 this is not asking what's wrong with it, but instead asking, will this make us more like Christ?

00:18:34.320 Will this movie, this activity, this dress, this outfit, this job, whatever it is, make me more like Christ?

00:18:46.700 Will it protect and edify my wife or husband?

00:18:51.480 And edify even my brothers and sisters in Christ, my children even?

00:18:55.260 Will it help me lay up treasures in heaven?

00:18:57.740 Will it help me be more discerning of what is evil and what is good?

00:19:01.840 These are good questions to evaluate.

00:19:04.300 Will it put my holiness or my spirit in danger?

00:19:09.560 Like, will I injure my soul?

00:19:12.280 Will it help me love people more?

00:19:14.840 These are really good questions that we need to be asking about opportunities.

00:19:18.820 And so a guy named Jeff Abbott, he was a mentor of mine, what, maybe 10 years ago.

00:19:24.380 He told me once, he said, do you remember Jeff?

00:19:26.660 he said maturity is putting a process between opportunity and decision and you have an

00:19:38.600 opportunity I can go do these things or this thing and then you have a process between that

00:19:45.740 opportunity and making a decision if you're going to do those things and that's what I'm saying

00:19:49.720 here you get some questions is the activity going to make me more like Christ is it going to protect

00:19:53.380 my wife or or husband in this matter you know and this applies just to so many areas of life not

00:19:59.980 just what movie you're watching totally um yeah how much time you're spending on social media

00:20:05.480 what type of music you're listening to and a lot of you guys um you know love a certain type of

00:20:12.400 music that again just the lyrics are terrible you know and we've even had this in our marriage

00:20:18.480 you know veronica grew up in the hood and um and you know just cleaning out some of those things

00:20:24.500 that we just listen to as kids or even before we had kids i mean we're christians before i had kids

00:20:29.440 but i'd say very lukewarm in certain areas and there have been times even since having kids

00:20:35.920 where i'm like when i am out and i don't have the kids and i'm just like i haven't listened to this

00:20:40.500 album in years i'm gonna put it on because it takes me back in like 30 seconds and i'm like

00:20:45.920 oh my goodness, this is horrible. You have to like turn it off because I can't tolerate that

00:20:50.360 anymore. Yeah. Yeah. We just did this a couple of days ago. We turned on home alone. Okay.

00:20:57.620 This is without our kids. Without our kids. This is me and Veronica and a friend. And we're sitting

00:21:03.260 there. We turn on home alone and we watched this two years ago. No problem. Just Veronica and I,

00:21:08.020 but we watched it and i just go man and not because it's like offensive to us i mean it's

00:21:16.400 just i don't say offensive not that it's like oh my gosh i'm gonna sin because i'm watching this

00:21:20.520 it's because i'm going look at these children the way that they're speaking to each other i don't

00:21:26.780 think we got past the first scene i just go wow i'm just this is filth i don't need to have any

00:21:32.540 of this involved in my heart and brain. And it is hard kind of becoming separate from the world

00:21:39.440 because you go, oh man, I can't do, I can't watch that. Sin and love are the exact opposites. And I

00:21:46.760 want to explain this. Love is benefiting others at the expense of yourself. Sacrifice. Sin is

00:21:55.520 benefiting yourself at the expense of others. They are exactly the opposite. And so, you know,

00:22:02.460 in decisions with your wife or your husband or the decision you're going to make about watching

00:22:06.560 this show or being entertained by these things, you know what? There's sacrifice involved. Our

00:22:11.780 flesh loves this stuff. It's filth. And so you just got to really put up some good boundaries

00:22:17.180 to protect your heart. Third question. Do you want to be holy like God is holy? I'm going to

00:22:23.800 read a scripture. First John 2, 15 through 17. Do not love the world or the things in the world.

00:22:30.200 if anyone loves the world the father the love of the father is not in him for all that is in the

00:22:35.660 world the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the pride of life is not of the father but is

00:22:42.180 of the world and the world is passing away and the lust of it but he who does who does the will

00:22:49.180 of god abides forever so what is the world when this verse is referring to the world what is the

00:22:56.360 world yeah this is a good question because you know it's talking about don't love the world

00:23:01.920 well what is the world is it is it like um the flowers because is that part of the world is it

00:23:08.300 you know the house that you own is that part of the world no the world is anything that presents

00:23:14.120 itself against the will of god you know which i think pretty much everything that comes out of

00:23:19.260 hollywood generally does yeah pretty much yeah the love of things in the world and the love of god

00:23:25.740 are incompatible they just don't work yeah you have to realize that like that what it's saying

00:23:30.620 there it says do not love the world of the things of the world if anyone loves the world the love

00:23:34.160 of the father is not in him if anyone loves the world the love of the father is not in him

00:23:38.160 it's saying that the love of things and movies and worldly things that stand against god's will

00:23:47.560 and the love of god are incompatible they don't work together

00:23:50.800 like they just they just can't be a part of the christian life

00:23:54.260 um and uh and by the way people if you guys are listening Veronica is going to answer a question

00:24:00.080 about our kids here later so some of you moms that are probably wondering like oh like what do

00:24:05.260 we do with our kids on this topic she's going to hit that answer here in a bit um and so the word

00:24:12.260 holy this is a this is a big word what does it mean set apart set apart yeah different different

00:24:20.100 to be it actually in in hebrew the word means um to cut away to cut away from and so to be separate

00:24:31.080 and so if you read the old testament you'll actually see so many examples of god calling

00:24:38.600 his people to be holy to be separate i mean they literally they work different schedules

00:24:43.700 they live differently, they eat differently, they dress differently. They have all these

00:24:50.700 ways of making themselves look different than the other nations. And Christians are called to be

00:24:59.740 holy too. In the New Testament, it says, yeah, you know, God is holy. You know, you need to be holy.

00:25:06.160 Be holy as God is holy. And God doesn't give us commandments that we can't fulfill. So we need to

00:25:10.580 be holy. And that means that we get to work differently. That means that we get to dress

00:25:15.580 differently. That means that we get to manage our food differently. That means that we get to

00:25:20.880 make, watch different shows and look at media entertainment differently. We're constantly

00:25:26.280 trying to look like a peculiar people. And if you live in the world and love that stuff,

00:25:34.060 it's evidence that you don't love God

00:25:37.020 you know that's really what's going on

00:25:41.300 and so we get to look and watch things that are different

00:25:45.240 why don't you read this scripture here

00:25:49.040 and I messed up our notes here but that's fine

00:25:51.920 yeah because this is you love Philippians and I think you'll be able to

00:25:56.160 talk on this Philippians 4 8 finally brothers whatever is true

00:26:00.020 whatever is honorable whatever is just whatever is pure whatever is lovely whatever

00:26:03.980 is commendable. If there is any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about

00:26:09.260 these things. Yeah, so I just, you know, if you're a Christian who's watching sin-filled shows and 0.90

00:26:17.280 movies and media, you're either denying the Holy Spirit and sinning, or you're not a Christian

00:26:26.120 and sinning. And so we have to evaluate, like, am I entertained by this stuff? You know, which is,

00:26:33.160 again the first questions i'm going to go over them again are you entertained by what god hates

00:26:36.840 will this movie or show or media or song make you more like christ um and then the third question

00:26:44.580 we just went over here is um do you want to be holy like like god is holy

00:26:50.580 so next scripture yeah we got a lot of scriptures here and then and then we'll we'll move on here

00:26:56.680 next scripture titus 2 11 through 12 for the grace of god that brings salvation has appeared

00:27:02.640 to all men teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts we should live soberly righteously

00:27:08.720 and godly in the present age christians are really comfortable with sin um when they don't

00:27:16.760 understand how holy god is yeah like this is a really interesting point like we're

00:27:21.600 the reason we're okay with it is that because we think that god might be okay with it yeah we

00:27:27.300 project our fallen nature onto god and make him like us and newsflash god is never going to be

00:27:33.780 like us no yeah it's a form of self-medication it is and you know this idea of self-medication

00:27:40.600 is that you're you're trying to make yourself feel better about how gross you are you know

00:27:49.020 and so you're medicating by saying like you know projecting that like god might be okay with a

00:27:54.080 little bit of this stuff like you know it's not that big of a deal right it's not that big of a

00:27:57.180 you like what's wrong with it again we talked about that god is holy yeah he's a holy god and

00:28:03.400 he is okay with zero sin zero sin yeah and so again i just i think it's a good statement that

00:28:11.180 she made is that christians are comfortable with sin christians are i guess who are comfortable

00:28:15.120 with sin just don't understand how holy god is and i think we have to just you know look at that

00:28:21.420 and understand, you know, really who God is,

00:28:25.040 who Christ is, what he calls us to walk like,

00:28:27.380 how he calls us to be.

00:28:29.040 So the big question that we want you guys to evaluate

00:28:31.480 is, do you want to be entertained by things

00:28:36.080 that Jesus came here to die for?

00:28:39.640 And examine your life.

00:28:41.940 Do you need to cleanse out some stuff?

00:28:45.260 Purge.

00:28:46.020 Purge.

00:28:46.460 We've done it.

00:28:47.720 I feel like we do it every year.

00:28:48.900 we just did a couple days ago with home alone we're just like oh

00:28:52.200 dang it that's gone now too it's as as you become more like christ

00:28:56.720 the the love and of the things in the world that the desire for these things

00:29:01.040 just goes away and if it's not going away

00:29:04.540 you need to seek the lord and you need to seek

00:29:08.200 the word and it's because you're not being sanctified and ask yourself

00:29:11.900 if you've made an idol out of it yeah yeah if it's filling something

00:29:16.500 in your life that only god should be doing and so um you know don't ask we can watch it because

00:29:24.260 it's got a certain rating i just watched a g-rated movie a couple days ago that had a terrible

00:29:33.220 immoral theme underlying it um and i it's a kid's movie yeah we try to watch you know movies if we

00:29:42.280 can before the kids do right yeah i mean this is something like if we're going to let our kids

00:29:46.660 watch them i want to watch it first there have been times where we don't but um i guess i'll

00:29:50.840 answer this in the question later yeah but it's just one of those things that we we uh we try to

00:29:56.120 do but um it's about asking yourself is the content going to desensitize me is it going to deaden my

00:30:01.600 joy is it going to make me less like christ again these are questions that i want you guys to ask

00:30:06.260 yourself and the last point is just men if your wife is uncomfortable with you watching something

00:30:11.980 I've made this mistake

00:30:13.880 I'm sure many of you are listening and made this mistake

00:30:16.560 if your wife

00:30:18.060 is uncomfortable with something that you've

00:30:20.380 watched or watch

00:30:22.320 or are watching and she asks

00:30:24.320 you or she makes it evident that she's uncomfortable

00:30:26.120 just turn it off just turn it

00:30:28.320 off you want

00:30:30.420 to Christ says or

00:30:31.980 in Ephesians husbands love your wives

00:30:34.240 as Christ of the church and gave himself up for her

00:30:35.940 just give yourself up for her

00:30:38.460 like just go okay you know

00:30:40.360 what cool I won't watch that

00:30:41.980 do you really care about that show and that scene more than you care about your

00:30:46.920 wife I hope not and so just just let it go fight and have a big argument because

00:30:51.960 of it yeah worth it and if it is illogical turn it off have a very quiet

00:30:58.940 and gentle conversation about it hear her heart talk to her about those things

00:31:02.980 and possibly she's misinterpreting this and then you can walk through it and go

00:31:07.720 back and watch that show if it's not what she thought it was and so um those are just some

00:31:14.100 points so we got a question veronica's gonna hit it she's done yawning yes um so the question

00:31:22.240 we got is how much tv and media do you allow your kids to watch per week well this year as you guys

00:31:30.660 have as you guys know has been insane we've been sick a lot this year um you know there's when we

00:31:38.100 had a fever in our house for 21 days and we're all sick and vomiting and colds and our son has

00:31:44.160 asthma and i had lyme disease and miscarriage and so there's a lot of seasons this year where we've

00:31:52.180 been sick and so our kids have actually been watching way more tv or movies than than i would

00:31:59.120 like um but ideally it's i mean maybe a show a day but there have also been uh long seasons where

00:32:10.620 our kids will go weeks without watching anything yeah um but right now i think we're still trying

00:32:15.480 to get our uh i feel like we're just coming up for air yeah get our pace back we've been drowning

00:32:21.700 for so long with just trials um i feel like we're just coming back up for air and so there'll be

00:32:28.500 like you know a 30 minute slot of time during the day we're all at the kids watch something so

00:32:34.800 I can catch up on things that I've been putting aside for so long and they're just you know

00:32:41.160 starting to add up and build up and then let me see

00:32:45.320 another thing that I was going to mention earlier when Dale brought it up with this movie that he

00:32:53.680 watched um we're also absolutely not afraid to turn something off in the middle of our kids

00:32:58.920 watching it yeah if there's something that is on and we see something or hear something that

00:33:06.820 we're just like hey like that's that's not right um we'll shut it off right then and there and

00:33:13.100 sure they'll fuss and why why'd you do that mom um and i'll just tell them the truth

00:33:20.140 um and so in those moments and i'll just change it to something that i know for a fact that

00:33:26.660 we don't um have an issue with um and then something else that a friend of ours mentor

00:33:33.420 figure of ours mentioned once is we're training our children's appetites

00:33:38.260 so if we're constantly watching tv you're training your child to have an appetite for that

00:33:45.360 um or if you're if you're constantly reading books you're you're training your child to have

00:33:51.300 an appetite for more literature and more reading and um so that's just another thing to keep in

00:33:57.220 mind do you have anything to add yeah i mean i as a dad i sometimes notice things that maybe

00:34:02.660 veronica misses and um she notices things that are generally more on the sensitive side and i'm

00:34:08.840 noticing things more on, like, the underlying theme of kids' movies.

00:34:14.140 And so now every movie, every good movie has a plot.

00:34:18.560 There's, you know, you've probably heard the book about seven basic plots.

00:34:21.400 So there's only so many plots that you can have.

00:34:23.560 And generally, even in a good movie with a heroic ending or there's a plot of tragedy,

00:34:30.580 there's a plot of trial, there's a plot of a problem.

00:34:32.920 And those can be really bad and those can be really okay

00:34:36.440 as long as the narrative of the show is actually redemptive it's good and so those are hard to

00:34:43.000 find in most shows and they're also age appropriate so there's certain things that

00:34:49.160 that yeah your your three-year-old can't watch that your nine-year-old can that you're right

00:34:54.840 you know 15 year old totally can yeah because there have been shows that we watch and we're

00:34:58.360 just like okay like not yet our kids aren't ready for that yet yeah they can watch that

00:35:03.480 i don't know when their maturity level is to that level of what that movie shares or um shows but

00:35:10.480 yeah and so this this is the the journey that you have to look for i also as a dad i look at the

00:35:15.700 underlying themes as i said i'm so sensitive to this stuff i can discern if there is a

00:35:21.120 sexuality agenda that's below it i can discern if there is a um uh just a sense of disobedient

00:35:30.580 agenda below it you know the disobedient children a lot of kids movies yeah I can discern if there

00:35:37.660 is some sort of gender confusion agenda that's under it and there's a lot of these things that

00:35:45.540 are happening in the movies today we gotta keep an eye on that stuff on how it goes into your head

00:35:50.920 and again if your kids you know watched it one time they're probably not going to catch it but

00:35:54.440 if it becomes that movie that your kids watch a couple times a year and they start buying the

00:35:58.900 things and singing the songs and all the whatever that stuff is trust me satan is all up in this

00:36:03.520 stuff okay like just don't think that there's these like perfectly holy movies um and so uh

00:36:09.940 yeah our kids you know they usually watch if we can like uh what's the uh on youtube a lot um

00:36:17.340 there's this cartoon called the beginner's bible yeah there you go and a lot of you guys probably

00:36:22.020 have that little kid's bible it's like they make bibles um but it's called the beginner's bible

00:36:26.960 and it's just these cartoons of jonah and the big fish or noah's ark or uh the creation story

00:36:35.840 the birth of jesus it's just that you know the main yeah bible stories david and goliath um

00:36:42.240 and there's some other ones that like are made by hannah barbera like which made like scooby-doo

00:36:47.060 and stuff they're from like the 70s and they're like cool they're a little bit more intense you

00:36:51.540 got to watch them but but like bible stories we do a lot of those kind of things if the kids are

00:36:55.620 going to watch a show yeah it's so funny we put that that on the other day and in the introduction

00:37:00.600 there's like a three or four minute introduction of this guy talking charleston heston yeah he's

00:37:06.380 just sitting there talking like explaining the story before it goes into the cartoon part

00:37:10.300 and aria's like oh mom this guy just tells me all about the story and then the show's going to start

00:37:15.360 it's just like so funny he's like 70 telling the story so yeah so there's things like that and our

00:37:21.080 kids yeah we watch a lot of stuff from the 80s and 90s clifford although there's certain ones

00:37:26.540 that i'll fast forward i'll skip the bernstein bears you know those are the things that we try

00:37:32.720 to also even watch those with um with a filter yeah because most of them are usually fine but

00:37:40.340 every now and then you'll come across one that you're just like okay not about that yeah so

00:37:44.060 again it just takes us being intentional and putting up these boundaries and they are important

00:37:50.260 Because a lifetime without these boundaries will lead you into an appetite for things that are opposite of God.

00:37:56.900 And a lifetime with these boundaries will make you more holy and make you more separate.

00:38:02.680 And by the way, we're the same way with books.

00:38:05.080 Oh, yeah.

00:38:05.620 We have lots of kids books and we've thrown away quite a few.

00:38:09.720 There have been multiple where Dale just like does it straight in the fireplace.

00:38:12.660 I totally have.

00:38:13.460 Yeah.

00:38:13.680 Like, I'm like, wait. 0.99

00:38:14.440 This book is garbage. 0.99

00:38:15.780 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:15.920 Right away.

00:38:16.460 Yeah.

00:38:16.680 And just don't be afraid to do that.

00:38:18.340 Be, I mean, you have to be on guard.

00:38:20.260 for the hearts of your children and your own mind um so especially because when they're young

00:38:26.240 you're you're literally developing their conscience their their uh understanding their

00:38:32.660 moral compass and so you gotta be extra on guard when they're young who cares if you paid money

00:38:37.180 for the book yeah get rid of it yeah throw it away yeah i've bought movies i for 20 to watch

00:38:43.700 as a family and have been renting it or buying it for on apple tv and we're sitting there for

00:38:50.240 eight minutes in I go okay I'll turn that off and you know okay now what are we gonna do because I

00:38:55.620 just told the kids we're gonna do a movie night and so I have to go by looking for something else

00:38:59.260 you know but yeah we do it just because we want to protect their hearts so again guys if you

00:39:06.560 get a chance oh you know what we didn't do we didn't do the memory verse memory verse memory

00:39:12.260 verse and guys I read a little bit ago this is a this is like a cornerstone verse so try to have

00:39:17.020 this memory verse i've i tried memorizing a while back and i like forgot about it but

00:39:21.060 it's a good one to have memorized especially i think i for me i needed to memorize it for like

00:39:25.760 just the season of motherhood that i'm in yeah um so philippians 4 8 finally brothers whatever

00:39:31.160 is true whatever is honorable whatever is just whatever is pure whatever is lovely whatever is

00:39:35.640 commendable if there is any excellence if there is anything worthy of praise think about these

00:39:41.480 things. That is Philippians 4.8. Yeah, so hopefully you guys can get some memory down on that.

00:39:48.980 A couple things before we close. If you guys want to watch this video, if you're a regular

00:39:53.800 listener to the show and you're just, you know, done it always on Spotify or on iTunes, you guys

00:39:58.740 can watch this. Just go to ultimatemarriage.com forward slash. Actually, I always say this. It's

00:40:02.600 not forward slash. Just go to ultimatemarriage.com and then just go to the podcast page. That's the

00:40:06.760 easiest way to get there. Just watch it on YouTube. You can watch it on YouTube there. Yeah, and you

00:40:10.000 can subscribe on YouTube. But we have all the links and all the scripture and all the one-liners

00:40:14.300 that I try to gather from what we said in the show. They're all available there. You can also

00:40:19.600 listen to the audio there as well, download it, whatever you want to do. You can share that with

00:40:23.160 a friend. And then again, would you guys consider leaving a review, just going in right now to the

00:40:27.840 iTunes app and just, even right now as the show's going, just tap the stars if it's, you know,

00:40:33.020 give us a, whatever rating you, I hope it's a five star, but give us a rating. And this again,

00:40:39.140 really help the exposure of the show. And then the last thing, again, we're going to mention is

00:40:44.020 that if you want to be part of our six-week program, we're going to open this up. It's closed

00:40:48.140 most of the year, but we're going to open it up in the beginning of the year sometime, within the

00:40:54.580 first couple months of the year. And we have a waiting list of people that want to be in this

00:41:00.560 next group. If you want to be in this next group, this awesome six-week program, these much longer

00:41:07.080 in-depth conversations about theology of marriage and biblical roles and these kind of things.

00:41:12.540 If you want to be involved, again, go to ultimatemarriage.com forward slash notify.

00:41:18.560 I think that's the end of the show today.

00:41:21.020 That's a wrap.

00:41:21.960 That's a wrap.

00:41:22.420 Thank you for listening.

00:41:23.420 Okay, guys, we will see you next week on Ultimate Marriage.

00:41:26.960 Take care.

00:41:27.440 See ya.

Dale Partridge - December 19, 2018

Ultimate Marriage #24： Setting Biblical Boundaries on Movies, Media, and Music

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