Dale Partridge - December 26, 2018


Ultimate Marriage #25：Pornography, Parenting, & Protecting Against The Sin of Friendly Flirting

Topics
pornography pornography addiction quiet time with toddler flirtation in marriage
Hosted by
Dale Partridge
Mentioned
Jesus Christ Kindness Veronica Hebrews James
Ultimate Marriage #24： Setting Biblical Boundaries on Movies, Media, and Music Ultimate Marriage #26： What does it mean to be Christian？

Episode Stats


Length

34 minutes

Words per minute

178.97

Word count

6,139

Sentence count

336

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

5

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss pornography, parenting, and the sin of flirting. We also talk about flirting with other people that are not your spouse and how to deal with it. We hope this episode is helpful to anyone dealing with flirting, pornography, or flirting in general.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Welcome to Ultimate Marriage. Today we are talking about pornography, parenting, and the sin of
00:00:19.900 flirting. The sin of flirting. Yes. That means flirting with other people that are not your 1.00
00:00:25.420 spouse um excited to have a conversation today this is a quick episode i don't know if it'll
00:00:30.620 be that quick but it'll be maybe 30 minutes or so um we'll see you guys will see the end of the
00:00:35.780 show and see if i predicted that correctly but this is a an episode that is airing in christmas
00:00:42.660 week literally the day after christmas and so we we want to just give you guys something short to
00:00:48.400 listen to if you're traveling hopefully this will be edifying to you guys we're hitting three hard
00:00:53.020 topics pornography yeah we're answering three hard questions yeah we get yeah that's yeah good
00:00:58.360 clarification we're going to answer three questions and so this is a Q&A session today
00:01:03.560 three questions one on pornography one on parenting and one on flirtationships and how we should think
00:01:10.800 about those a couple things before we get started again this is a YouTube channel podcast also means
00:01:17.780 that you could subscribe to our YouTube channel watch these live on YouTube I keep looking at
00:01:22.460 this other camera as if we're using it we've been using just one camera for for our shoots lately
00:01:26.780 we will get the other camera going here again soon um and a couple other things yeah if you're
00:01:32.820 listening to this on itunes you can get and listen to it on spotify you can listen to on google play
00:01:36.020 you can listen to on stitcher you can listen to it uh there's other places anyways we got the
00:01:41.180 podcast up just about everywhere and if you'd be willing to leave a review on itunes again i'm
00:01:47.180 telling you itunes will elevate the visibility of the show based off of reviews so if you would
00:01:56.280 just be willing if you've been listening to the show and you still haven't left a review
00:01:58.840 i'm convicting you right now to go and just leave a review just tap the stars
00:02:03.860 write something if you want to you don't even need to write something but that's all of our
00:02:07.900 our request this is episode number 25 which means that we've been we've been doing this for almost
00:02:14.200 half a year 25 weeks in a row um the day after the 25th of christ or 25th of december which is
00:02:20.980 christmas um we've had 330 000 downloads of our show as of the airing of this or the recording
00:02:28.920 of this 330 000 times people have downloaded and listened to our show of just 25 shows six months
00:02:34.880 worth we are humbled about that i i think about what if we just didn't start this yeah i don't
00:02:42.460 know you shouldn't tell me these numbers i always tell you that now i'm gonna have stage fright
00:02:45.640 i don't like knowing the numbers we have over 1600 reviews on the podcast it is currently the
00:02:53.920 most rated and highest rated marriage podcast in the world and that is a big deal we again if you
00:03:01.120 guys would continue to keep us there uh the truth of god's word will get out to more couples
00:03:07.280 um last few things we uploaded and created a new resources page at our website ultimate
00:03:14.540 marriage.com so if you just go to ultimate marriage.com forward slash resources we added
00:03:20.000 a whole bunch of stuff yeah you'll you'll see some of the books that we recommend and we've
00:03:24.360 read on parenting on marriage um other podcasts that we recommend yeah yeah i also organized all
00:03:32.260 of our shows and articles that we've heard of or read somewhere else by topic. So if you have like
00:03:38.040 an issue with sex, there's a bunch of articles and stuff on sex. Um, if you have an issue on
00:03:43.320 parenting, there's, there's articles on parenting or fighting or whatever it might be. So there's
00:03:47.600 lots of cool stuff there. Again, just ultimate marriage.com forward slash resources. You can
00:03:52.500 check that out. And that will continue growing as well. Totally. Yeah. We added a bunch of stuff
00:03:57.120 we have more that we'd like to add on there and just stuff that we also accumulate throughout
00:04:02.200 the next yeah as we read or if you're a new podcast we'd like to add those things there
00:04:06.420 so we're going to go ahead and start and um veronica is going to read the question this
00:04:11.580 question is i'm going to hit probably pretty hard because it's a question about pornography and
00:04:15.240 uh the men and then we're going to move into a parenting question i think veronica is going to
00:04:20.260 hit okay first question for dale and i'm going to try we read your reviews and i know a lot of you
00:04:25.860 guys um need me to speak louder or more directly into the mic so i'm going to make sure i try and
00:04:31.500 do that today we'll see maybe i'll just keep my hands here to like go do that um okay first
00:04:38.020 question i found several porn searches and sites on my husband's history and the rest of his search
00:04:42.780 history and google activity history has been cleared but he swears he never searched it and
00:04:48.100 it was probably a pop-up or virus how can i trust my husband's word when the evidence is stacked
00:04:53.920 against him. Okay. So this idea of a pop-up or virus doing this, I've heard from so many wives
00:05:04.080 as an excuse who then later come and tell us that the husband has actually admitted. And that was a
00:05:10.820 lie. Um, I've just never seen that to be a true thing of like pop-ups and viruses. Now, is it
00:05:18.820 possible possibly there is some stuff especially maybe like five years ago yeah like a long time
00:05:25.360 ago that was more of an issue but not so much now yeah i i think that google chrome and your
00:05:30.360 browsers today i don't think that's really a common thing anymore the way that they fix those
00:05:34.980 that kind of stuff i'm not saying that i'm 100 right but if it talks like a duck walks like a
00:05:40.800 duck it's probably a duck and that concept is that it looks man it looks really bad it looks like
00:05:47.660 not just that you found the porn searches, but also the erased history. The only reason you
00:05:54.960 erase history is if you have something to hide. And so that's just my quick take on that.
00:06:01.280 I'm going to give just a little advice here about the pornography issue for those men
00:06:07.140 who are struggling with this. This is the cancer in the church. You'll hear me talk about it a lot
00:06:12.060 because it is probably the number one thing plaguing the church today is pornography.
00:06:19.100 I can't tell you how many people email me about this. 0.98
00:06:21.460 Wives, husbands, this is rampant in the church.
00:06:26.940 And it's because we haven't heard the correct gospel on the matters of this kind of stuff.
00:06:33.320 Like we don't know what the word actually says.
00:06:36.080 And I'm not going to do the whole thing.
00:06:37.520 That's another day, but I'm going to give some stuff.
00:06:40.040 Sin has a way of making people fall in love with it.
00:06:44.240 We love our sin.
00:06:46.320 It's attractive.
00:06:47.100 It's attractive.
00:06:48.140 It's deceitful.
00:06:49.520 It's seductive.
00:06:50.620 Yeah, it feels good to our flesh.
00:06:53.360 We're going to lie for it.
00:06:55.260 We are going to deceive other people for it.
00:06:59.280 We will risk our marriages over it.
00:07:02.100 This is what happens with sin.
00:07:03.800 So don't be shocked when your husband tries to hide it.
00:07:06.660 that that's what one it's shameful and then also men and women do incredible things to hide sin
00:07:15.200 and so just don't be naive to the reality of this stuff first peter 2 11 says beloved i urge you as
00:07:25.080 sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh which wage war against your soul
00:07:32.000 This is a war is what's going on, a spiritual battle.
00:07:37.200 And just need to recognize that this is like warfare for your husband's soul right here.
00:07:45.300 And just, I'm saying don't walk into this lightly, don't walk into this naively.
00:07:49.380 I think a lot of wives do that often. 0.58
00:07:51.720 This is war. 1.00
00:07:52.900 It requires prayer.
00:07:54.120 It requires real, raw conversations, and we'll talk about that here in a second.
00:07:59.620 Hebrews 3.13 also ends that this passage with,
00:08:03.940 lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
00:08:08.200 Sin is super deceptive.
00:08:11.320 It makes you, you almost feel like it's okay.
00:08:14.800 You end up becoming comfortable with it.
00:08:16.500 You're almost numb or desensitized to sin.
00:08:19.620 You go, you know what?
00:08:20.780 Like, I've already done it so many times.
00:08:24.420 And I haven't gotten in trouble for it yet.
00:08:26.240 Yeah, you know what?
00:08:27.280 God just loves me the way that I am.
00:08:28.900 like, I'll be fine. Nobody's getting hurt by this. Yeah. That's a lie. Yeah. The reality is,
00:08:33.580 is that when you're practicing in first John, I believe it's chapter three, it talks about the
00:08:38.500 idea of people who practice. It says that the way that you tell the difference between the sons of
00:08:43.480 God and the sons of Satan is that the sons of God practice righteousness while the sons of Satan
00:08:50.100 practice sin. Now, when you look at a guy who looks at pornography, they practice sin. And what
00:08:56.620 does it mean to practice sin? It means that you're getting better at it. And if you look at men who
00:09:01.820 look at pornography sites, they get better at it. They decide what type of sites they like. They
00:09:07.420 know what type of, you know, what type of porn is their style. They get better at hiding it.
00:09:15.500 This is what happens to men. They practice it. They're getting better at it. And it says that
00:09:20.460 you're a son of the devil. If you do this, it means that you're unrepentant. You might be 0.93
00:09:24.280 apologetic, you might be shameful, you might feel guilty, but you're not repentant. And I say this
00:09:30.280 often, how many unrepentant sinners go to heaven? None. None. And so the idea is that we need to be
00:09:37.800 repentant. Now, there's a difference between, oh, I sinned and, you know, but a repetitive
00:09:42.300 practicing of sin is a different way of being. You are not set free. You're in bondage. Yeah.
00:09:51.800 John 8, 31-32
00:09:54.460 You will know my disciples
00:09:57.080 He who is my disciple
00:09:58.380 He who abides in my word
00:10:01.040 is my disciple indeed
00:10:01.940 and the truth
00:10:02.420 he shall know the truth
00:10:03.300 and the truth shall set him free
00:10:04.540 Boom
00:10:05.260 If he doesn't know the truth
00:10:07.920 he hasn't been set free
00:10:09.440 and that's likely what happens
00:10:13.640 it's a false gospel
00:10:14.820 that he doesn't understand
00:10:15.820 the gospel really
00:10:16.720 and again I'm saying
00:10:18.760 some big statements
00:10:19.580 so hopefully you hear them with
00:10:20.860 a little bit of compassion and or i'm just making generalized statements here
00:10:26.480 ultimately sin is slavery and the sin of pornography is slavery and it has so many
00:10:32.540 people in bondage and what did jesus christ come here to do is to set the captives free
00:10:38.300 by his stripes we are healed and we're healed from the sickness of sin that that's what it's
00:10:46.520 talking about there. And when you're in bondage, it creates a pattern of living that gets a man
00:10:54.660 to give up his time, his money, his integrity, his reputation in service to his sin. And that's
00:11:04.040 just what happens. It becomes his God and his master. It literally rules him. And that's what's
00:11:10.360 going on with pornography inside the church and outside the church. So repeated pornography use
00:11:15.880 isn't some slight spiritual infraction that needs some sin management.
00:11:21.960 That's what we think, just some sin management.
00:11:23.880 We just put a little sin management on there, and that'll fix it.
00:11:28.020 It's actually, in my opinion, the highway to hell.
00:11:30.780 I believe it literally steals people away from the faith.
00:11:34.280 It makes them numb.
00:11:35.620 If a man is failing here, he begins to fail everywhere.
00:11:39.200 You want to know why men aren't talking in the church?
00:11:41.300 You want to know why men aren't leading and why men are passive?
00:11:43.980 Well, because they've had their confidence ripped from them
00:11:46.340 because every week they're in bondage to this private addiction to pornography.
00:11:50.880 They're literally ripped down, and they go,
00:11:53.720 yeah, I'm not going to go become the best father and the best husband 0.99
00:11:56.280 and the best leader over here when I know I'm a giant hypocrite on the inside 1.00
00:12:00.180 because I'm a sinful, unrepentant pornography addict 0.99
00:12:03.600 in the dark of my room every night.
00:12:05.920 It reminds me of the scripture that says,
00:12:07.740 a man who isolates himself seeks his own desires. 0.72
00:12:11.480 Yes.
00:12:12.580 Yeah, Proverbs 18.1.
00:12:14.100 You don't see a lot of people talking about it because they're shameful about it,
00:12:17.840 so they isolate it.
00:12:18.920 Yeah.
00:12:19.500 Yeah, this is a sin that needs confession.
00:12:22.980 I've seen this over and over again. 0.97
00:12:25.400 If you want to make this thing go away, men, you've got to go confess it.
00:12:28.820 Don't confess it to the guy that is in your small group.
00:12:32.660 You didn't sin against the guy in your small group.
00:12:35.260 You sinned against your wife.
00:12:36.580 Go confess it to your wife and just repent to her
00:12:40.180 and let her be upset and distraught
00:12:44.620 and don't try to lighten it in any way.
00:12:49.180 And so this is a threat to your eternal security and your marriage.
00:12:53.940 That's really what it is.
00:12:54.860 It's a threat to your eternal security.
00:12:56.700 That's what it is.
00:12:57.500 If you want to play the game, the once saved, always saved game,
00:13:00.780 you're just walking a knife blade, what I'm saying.
00:13:03.680 The scriptures have a strong argument for people who are unrepentant in their sin and practicing sin.
00:13:12.100 I'm just saying that you can read it.
00:13:13.560 It should at least put you on edge.
00:13:16.260 And you might think that this is harsh.
00:13:19.180 It might be harsh, but it's not harmful.
00:13:22.560 You know what's harmful is not hearing this.
00:13:26.700 You know what's harmful is God's judgment on people who walk this way.
00:13:31.340 That's harmful.
00:13:32.400 And not changing.
00:13:33.680 That's harmful.
00:13:34.520 Yeah.
00:13:35.620 And this is healing.
00:13:37.480 This is harsh, but it's healing.
00:13:39.840 And so a couple things.
00:13:41.620 The truth is, for this specific question here, your husband fears your reaction more than he fears God.
00:13:53.420 And so I think that's really important is that we need to recognize that if you're afraid of your wife more than you are afraid of God, Satan's got you right where he wants you.
00:14:04.280 And so this is also a lesson for the ladies, which I want to talk about, is your husband isn't your enemy here.
00:14:12.180 Your enemy is the enemy.
00:14:14.860 And so you need to walk this out with him in a gentle way.
00:14:20.780 I recommend that you get your husband together and assure him that you want to know the truth.
00:14:26.980 Like you want to know the truth and you will be upset, but you're not going to be broken.
00:14:31.800 you will get past this together because you're in a covenant relationship with each other
00:14:36.220 and satan is not going to break this covenant but you um you're you want to hear it just give
00:14:43.980 me the truth i want to work with you through this we're going to get through this together
00:14:47.960 yeah would you rather know and be hurt or not know and have this secret life happening behind
00:14:53.840 your back and totally rampage your marriage so that's my um again it needs to be confessed
00:15:01.480 I just encourage all men that if you're struggling with this, go confess it.
00:15:06.840 It says in James, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.
00:15:12.500 And so I just, that's what you need to do.
00:15:14.860 That's just how it works in my experience with this sin.
00:15:19.620 That was a, I'm passionate about that.
00:15:23.120 We are going to eventually be launching a course on how to quit pornography according to the gospel.
00:15:30.220 and that's coming soon lord willing would you guys pray for us for the protection spiritual
00:15:36.500 protection against the enemy's attacks on that initiative because it's coming hopefully this
00:15:42.140 year lord willing um and we'll break some chains and get some people out of prison um yeah okay
00:15:50.360 next question and um this question has to do with parenting and before i get into it um we do get a
00:15:56.720 lot of parenting questions um and there's a reason why we don't always answer them um we very rarely
00:16:02.500 will answer a parenting question um and the reason is because our oldest is five so or about to be
00:16:08.380 five in a couple weeks um and so that's all the experience we have yeah we talk about toddler
00:16:14.700 stuff because we've dealt with toddlers but um but we we don't hit a lot of like the older kid
00:16:20.380 parenting stuff at all actually and the toddler stuff we just don't like to take on too much of
00:16:25.060 it. Cause again, we only have so much experience in it, but this is a good question. And I think
00:16:29.120 we got a lot to say on this. Alrighty. So the question is, how would you guys recommend going
00:16:35.480 about establishing quiet time by themselves with a toddler who hasn't done it previously and wants
00:16:40.580 to spend every single moment with you? Should you punish them for walking out of their space?
00:16:46.560 Okay. So I'm assuming this question is coming from somebody who has heard us talk about this
00:16:51.080 before. Because we do this in our family daily. Our kids have to do quiet time every day or take
00:16:57.880 a nap. So there's a couple of tools that I use for that in the morning. Our kids are not allowed
00:17:05.740 to get out of the room until 730. So we try and get up around six. And then so we can have like
00:17:11.300 an hour and a half of quiet time getting ready for the day, just preparing ourselves. And then
00:17:16.280 the kids are allowed to come down at 7 30 and they have a clock in their room it is called the
00:17:21.440 okay to wake clock you can look that up on amazon and um it's basically like an alarm clock with
00:17:28.900 it just turns on the light turns on at 7 30 and they know that as soon as that light turns on
00:17:34.640 that is when they are allowed to come downstairs um and so if your child has never done it before
00:17:40.700 then sure you're going to have several mornings or days or nap times whatever time of the day you
00:17:46.760 decide to use it days in a row of training them you need to get them to understand and learn that
00:17:52.260 they are not allowed to come out of the room or out of their quiet time space until the light is
00:17:57.820 turned on another thing that I want to say is that we have to remember that our children need
00:18:03.900 to be taught how to obey. Um, if they haven't been trained to obey until the count of three
00:18:10.520 or until you get up out of your seat and start chasing him down the hall, um, then we need to
00:18:15.960 have grace with our children when we're trying to teach them something new and they don't necessarily
00:18:19.800 obey right away. Yeah. Because you've trained them to not listen the first time. And so you
00:18:24.780 got to, you've trained them to listen when you say the number three or when you get up out of
00:18:28.280 your seat. So yeah, you need to have grace with them and not get so frustrated and so angry
00:18:33.700 because they're not listening because they haven't been taught how to listen in this specific
00:18:38.440 circumstances. And then another thing to remember is that sin is deeply wrapped up in the heart of
00:18:44.940 our children. They're already like, just if you look at a young baby, they already are fighting
00:18:53.140 to exercise their own will um and they are yeah they're little sinners you know they'll hit you
00:18:59.860 they'll bite you they'll say no to you it's amazing how it's they're just it's again just
00:19:04.240 wrapped up in the heart of a child yeah their desire um their desire to exercise their own will
00:19:10.500 is really just their desire to rule their own flesh yes and the reality is we all have a ruler
00:19:19.920 and that's the lord himself and so um until our children are old enough to know who god is
00:19:26.760 we are god to our to our children we're god's example we are god's um agent authority figure
00:19:34.380 yeah um to our children until they have a relationship with christ yeah and if a child
00:19:39.880 can't be obedient to god or obedient to his parents he will not be able to be obedient to
00:19:45.860 god and that's what you see right now is that we have a generation of wild childs growing up that
00:19:53.200 can't be obedient to their own parents and they're not going to be able to be obedient to god in that
00:19:58.260 same manner and a good thing to remember is that you're breaking their will but not you have to be
00:20:04.440 very careful not to break their spirit um in ephesians 6 4 it says fathers do not provoke
00:20:08.940 your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the lord it also
00:20:13.120 says it again in Colossians 3 21 fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged
00:20:18.880 you don't want to exasperate your child and have them become bitter towards you and have them have
00:20:24.640 anger in their heart towards you because that's really hard to to to work through you want them
00:20:34.880 to know that you're here to be firm uncompromising but want to help them yeah so gently correct them
00:20:42.980 in love and help guide them in the direction that you have for them um if you want to hear more on
00:20:48.600 that specifically with babies and really young toddlers i wrote a blog on it i don't know probably
00:20:53.660 like a year ago um called blanket time and that's kind of how we introduce quiet time um and that's
00:20:59.800 at veronicapartridge.com and i don't know there's probably only five articles on there so we need to
00:21:03.960 move that stuff over to ultimate marriage um yeah you know i think about when your kids break god's
00:21:10.440 laws, which is, you know, your child isn't being disobedient to you. They're being disobedient to
00:21:15.420 God. They're supposed to honor their parents, their mother and father. It's in the Ten Commandments.
00:21:21.100 We need to treat them how God treats us when we're disobedient. And, you know, we need to
00:21:27.080 mirror that kind of the tone, the attitude, the voice, the facial expressions, that all that kind
00:21:33.500 of the wrath of God, but the love of God at the same time. And the way that we get disciplined,
00:21:38.920 And we know that in Hebrews chapter 12, it says that God disciplines those he loves.
00:21:42.940 He does discipline us as children.
00:21:46.040 And, you know, so every time we need to kind of exercise authority,
00:21:49.900 we got to also exercise our patience, our mercy, our firmness, our grace, our love.
00:21:58.020 Kindness, gentleness.
00:21:59.340 Yeah, all that stuff just needs to be exercised there.
00:22:01.720 And it's really hard.
00:22:03.100 It's really hard because you're really giving them a picture and an image of God.
00:22:06.500 That's what you're trying to do.
00:22:08.920 And if you find yourself getting angry and frustrated in the middle of trying to teach your child this thing, it's you actually need to look at your own heart in that moment.
00:22:19.040 Yeah, this is because because you're taking it as a personal offense when they haven't sinned against you, they sinned against God.
00:22:25.760 And yeah, this is in their heart. You're not dealing with with just the bad behaviors and the bad the bad words.
00:22:36.040 I don't want to do this. You're dealing with the heart. Your heart of your child is not yielded to
00:22:42.520 you because they want to be an autonomous being. And the word autonomous, auto means self and
00:22:48.640 anonymous, autonomous means governing. So self-governing. They want to be self-governing.
00:22:57.340 They don't want to submit or yield to anything. And that is cute maybe when it's a year and a
00:23:03.440 half years old it's not cute at 16 and and so if you you want to work this stuff out you want to
00:23:11.620 win your child's heart early on so that you don't have to battle through the the behavior modification
00:23:18.720 of later life when they want to just serve mom and dad and so that that's what we're learning
00:23:23.940 and we're walking out and it's really hard we have a strong-willed child and it's hard and so
00:23:30.560 you know, we're still battling constantly, but we're consistent. And Veronica is a beast in terms
00:23:36.980 of just reading books and staying on top of it and working hard at it. And so it takes a lot of
00:23:42.180 work to raise up godly children. Um, that's just the case. I mean, if you want to be lazy, you can
00:23:47.280 raise up, you know, kids get raised up with lazy parents all the time and they turn out like the
00:23:51.720 culture. But if you want to raise up godly kids, it's so much work. It's so much work. We were just
00:23:57.000 spending time being a dad and i walked downstairs going oh my gosh this is so tough
00:24:01.700 so we're with you guys um third question and then uh we'll close out after this question
00:24:06.980 and veronica's gonna read it okay third question my husband has a childhood friend
00:24:12.980 that he maintains contact with he claims she is like a sister to him and he could never be
00:24:18.060 attracted to her romantically however their text messages do seem to be playful and flirty
00:24:22.480 in nature and that is hurtful to me i've told him how i feel about this in the past but he told me
00:24:28.080 i am being controlling and lacking trust and continues to message her privately what steps
00:24:33.000 should i as his wife take if he refuses to stop contacting the other woman
00:24:37.320 so there's a difference between being friendly and flirty yeah there's a big difference so before
00:24:44.460 uh approaching your husband in this conversation i mean you already have but i would also just be
00:24:50.940 very sure and clear in your understanding and your spirit of which one it is. But either way,
00:24:58.000 if you're uncomfortable, there needs to be a conversation had. Flirting is one of the first
00:25:03.640 steps to cheating. Yes. Flirtation in the dictionary is defined as suggestive behavior 1.00
00:25:09.000 with sexual intent. Yeah. Did you guys catch that? I just want you guys to catch that. What
00:25:13.580 she just said, flirtation is defined in the dictionary as suggested, suggestive behavior
00:25:20.060 with sexual intent. And so when wives go, oh, he just has a flirtatious personality. I'm like,
00:25:25.200 wait, what? Like, so you're totally cool with just him suggestively, sexually communicating
00:25:33.360 with other women. The only woman he should be flirting with is his wife. Yeah. And that's the 0.56
00:25:38.040 sad thing is that the men that I see that struggle with this, that are flirting with other people and
00:25:43.280 Their wives are talking about this.
00:25:45.380 They're actually the same guys who have forgotten to flirt with their own wife.
00:25:48.800 And so it just double compounds on this poor woman that he's flirting with that woman and not flirting with me.
00:25:56.160 And so it becomes this really dangerous territory.
00:26:00.160 I think that flirting is a sampling of sin.
00:26:03.460 It's kind of how close can I get to the edge without falling into the canyon.
00:26:08.560 And, you know, so.
00:26:10.920 I think it's sin.
00:26:11.660 I think it's, I think it's absolutely sin. Yeah. It's not okay to enliven yourself
00:26:16.920 with the beauty of another woman. If you're a married man, that's, you just don't get to do 0.98
00:26:22.580 that. That's when you say yes to your wife on your wedding day, it's means also that you say
00:26:30.240 no to everybody else. And so you got to recognize that you've, you've said yes, you don't get to
00:26:35.780 have the other stuff, and your wife too. And so it's just critical that we have that position
00:26:43.720 and that posture when your wife asks you to stop doing that. She owns you. The Bible literally 0.99
00:26:50.580 says that she owns your body, and he owns your body. I mean, this is what it talks about in 1
00:26:56.340 Corinthians 7. And so are we going to be biblical or not? I think the biggest question for this
00:27:01.980 situation, is that if I was offering marriage coaching to this couple, I would say, so are you
00:27:10.720 Christian or are you not? And if he said, oh yeah, I'm Christian, I go, okay, well then let's just
00:27:15.420 look at what the Bible says. And we look at what the Bible says, and then I go, are you going to
00:27:19.540 be obedient to this, or are you going to willingly and understandingly be disobedient to it and
00:27:25.460 unrepentantly sinful? And just get an answer, like what are you going to do? Because if you
00:27:31.520 walk that way, that means you're also walking away from Jesus Christ himself. You're just saying
00:27:34.440 that, no, God, I'm not going to do it your way. I'm not going to be obedient to you. I'm not going
00:27:39.240 to be repented for my sin. That's a big deal. And so the word, if you know, our marriages have 100%
00:27:45.380 chance of success if we just do it God's way. And so Ephesians 5.25, I just go, let's just read
00:27:51.480 the scripture and just go, are you doing this? It says, husbands, love your wives just as Christ
00:27:57.480 also loved the church and gave himself for her, gave himself up for her. So whatever your desires
00:28:06.200 are as a husband, you need to be able to give yourself up as a sacrifice, those desires for
00:28:14.260 your wife, not argue back and say, that's not, you're just not, you're just not trusting.
00:28:18.400 wives have a radar on other women that we don't the same way that us men have a radar on other guys
00:28:30.580 that they don't so just take that for what it's worth it says in verse 26 and why do you love
00:28:39.180 your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for you well that he might sanctify
00:28:43.040 and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.
00:28:46.640 You should be pouring scripture over your wife's mind,
00:28:49.260 not making her jealous as you're privately flirting
00:28:54.220 through text message with another woman.
00:28:58.200 Are you Christian?
00:28:59.980 That's the question that we need to come to.
00:29:01.880 Are you actually going to, is he Lord or not?
00:29:06.600 Because if he's Lord, then this is what your Lord just told you to do. 0.89
00:29:10.580 If he's not Lord, then you just need to determine if you're actually Christian 0.94
00:29:13.380 or if you're one of these people that you say,
00:29:14.660 Lord, Lord, we did all these things in your name.
00:29:16.100 This is away from me.
00:29:16.680 I do not know you.
00:29:19.160 Scary scriptures.
00:29:20.260 Okay, verse 27.
00:29:22.060 That he might present her to himself a glorious church,
00:29:25.220 not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
00:29:27.800 but that she should be holy and without blemish.
00:29:31.420 Our job as husbands is to make our wives pure
00:29:35.320 and not interrupt in her holiness and relationship with God,
00:29:42.620 but actually uphold and support it.
00:29:45.120 Give ourselves up for her.
00:29:46.780 Furnish her life with the ability to be close with the Lord.
00:29:50.880 Another scripture I'm going to mention, Proverbs 6, 24-25.
00:29:54.660 It says, 0.99
00:29:55.040 To preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress, 0.98
00:29:59.200 do not desire her beauty in your heart, 0.99
00:30:01.040 and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes.
00:30:04.160 1 Corinthians 10, 23,
00:30:05.940 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful.
00:30:11.600 Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
00:30:14.320 Just because it's even smart doesn't mean it's right. 1.00
00:30:17.280 And can you talk to another woman?
00:30:19.720 Is there any scripture that's going to condemn you from talking to another woman?
00:30:23.700 No.
00:30:24.840 But just because you can doesn't mean you should, 0.81
00:30:27.700 especially if the woman that you're in a covenant relationship with
00:30:30.940 and supposed to love her the way that Christ loves the church, doesn't want you to.
00:30:36.520 So I say just don't do that.
00:30:38.840 Galatians 6, 7 says, do not be deceived.
00:30:41.900 I'm going to repeat that.
00:30:43.140 Do not be deceived.
00:30:44.740 God is not mocked for whatever one sows that he will also reap.
00:30:49.220 And if you sow into that stuff, you're going to reap something out of that stuff.
00:30:53.320 And so I just go, man, husbands, if this is you,
00:30:58.440 do you really love your wife like christ loved the church or not it's all about sacrifice it's
00:31:07.000 difficult and we are to be modeling the ultimate marriage no pun intended but that's why our show
00:31:14.580 is called that and what would you say to the wife if this is her husband i'd say you need to get
00:31:22.240 follow Matthew 18,
00:31:25.900 I would say
00:31:26.740 go confront him directly about it.
00:31:28.640 If he doesn't want to do that,
00:31:30.380 then I would bring two or three witnesses
00:31:32.160 that are
00:31:34.560 not on your side, but are
00:31:36.460 disinterested parties
00:31:38.340 who love you both.
00:31:40.360 And bring in a friend or two
00:31:42.200 to come in and talk about that.
00:31:44.320 And if he is unwilling
00:31:45.920 to change even then,
00:31:48.480 it says to bring him before the church.
00:31:50.140 Now this is your own husband. You're dealing with
00:31:51.740 sin here. You just need to determine if he's Christian or not. So I think bring some other 0.88
00:31:56.960 people into the conversation if he won't correct the behavior with you asking that. I think that's
00:32:02.200 the safety of community and what the church is here for. I don't know if you'd agree. Yeah.
00:32:07.080 I just want some more clarity on that. Yeah. So guys, we're going to close out here because this
00:32:12.800 is a short show for you Christmas folks going into the new year. Excited for the next episode.
00:32:18.020 We're going to talk about a couple of things that we'd like you to do for 2019 and every
00:32:24.420 new year if you're listening to this later.
00:32:26.500 So go ahead and we got a memory verse for the men.
00:32:31.140 I want you guys to memorize this.
00:32:33.020 Veronica can read it for us.
00:32:35.180 Ephesians 5.25, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself
00:32:40.180 for her.
00:32:41.340 So just a good scripture.
00:32:43.480 Every man should have this memorized.
00:32:45.440 I use it all the time.
00:32:46.640 I use it all the time, too.
00:32:48.020 Yeah.
00:32:48.740 Hey, babe, what does the Bible say?
00:32:50.400 I'm just kidding.
00:32:51.340 Love me.
00:32:52.320 Like Christ loves the church.
00:32:54.480 So, yeah, a couple things.
00:32:55.960 If you guys want to listen to this podcast on our website, you can go to ultimatemarriage.com forward slash.
00:33:02.580 Why do I do this every single week?
00:33:04.600 It's not forward slash.
00:33:06.160 I need to make it forward slash podcast.
00:33:08.260 I haven't done that yet.
00:33:09.880 Don't ask me.
00:33:10.580 I don't know what it is.
00:33:11.380 I know.
00:33:11.980 Just go to the website and click on the podcast page.
00:33:14.660 The episodes, the last episode is first.
00:33:16.680 So this episode will be there.
00:33:18.020 You guys can watch the video, see all the scriptures we reference,
00:33:20.360 see all the quotes that I've pulled out, you know,
00:33:22.380 I think the one-liners that we've said.
00:33:24.360 The link to the clock.
00:33:25.740 The link to the clock I'll put in there, all that kind of stuff.
00:33:28.780 It's available for you there, the video to watch on our website,
00:33:32.780 again, at ultimatemarriage.com.
00:33:34.600 And again, if you guys, just a reminder, leave us a review.
00:33:36.780 If you're one of those people that's listened for 25 episodes
00:33:39.220 and haven't left a review yet, I am asking you guys to do us a favor for that.
00:33:44.160 So that would be great.
00:33:45.920 On that note.
00:33:47.420 Have a Merry Christmas.
00:33:48.600 Have a Merry Christmas that was yesterday for them.
00:33:51.340 Oh, just kidding.
00:33:52.480 Have a Happy New Year coming up.
00:33:54.100 And we'll talk to you guys after that.
00:33:56.040 All right, guys, take care.
00:33:56.960 Bye-bye.
00:33:59.000 Thank you for joining us on this episode of Ultimate Marriage.
00:34:01.840 If you're homesick for a stronger marriage,
00:34:03.960 visit our website at ultimatemarriage.com
00:34:05.960 and consider enrolling in our one-year online marriage mentor program.
00:34:09.660 Also, if you're interested in learning more about building a better marriage,
00:34:12.620 follow Veronica and I on social media
00:34:14.280 where each week we share tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.