Dale Partridge - Ultimate Marriage #29： Does the Bible Allow Christians to Divorce and Remarry？

00:00:00.000 welcome to ultimate marriage today we are talking about does the Bible permit Christians to divorce

00:00:17.100 and remarry very important topic today a little bit longer show because we got to dive deeper

00:00:24.480 into this doctrine it's probably been asked by a hundred people over the last six months

00:00:31.080 to do an episode on this topic of divorce and remarriage and so we're going to do that today

00:00:37.860 and try to walk you through it's very difficult topic so bear with us if you're watching on

00:00:45.020 youtube today notice that we have the imac or not the imac yeah this is a macbook macbook there we

00:00:50.140 go um it's because the ipad died and so we didn't have enough battery power we needed to film so

00:00:57.480 it died because we were filming this last night we decided to re-record it we totally charge the

00:01:03.900 ipad yeah we totally re-recorded this episode already but that's how careful we're being we

00:01:09.600 just want to be very careful with the content so that's my macbook um if it's in your view for the

00:01:15.880 youtube channel viewers if you guys aren't watching on youtube then you're watching it

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00:01:46.560 Okay, a couple things before we start.

00:01:49.540 we decided, as we mentioned in the last episode, to change the name of this podcast.

00:01:57.920 Mostly because we want to broaden the things that we talk about, cultural issues,

00:02:04.200 theology conversations, things that have to do with the church. And we didn't want to start

00:02:09.900 two podcasts. We already do this anyways. We already talk about things that are outside of

00:02:15.420 marriage and family. Yeah. And then we just slap a marriage sticker on it. Yeah. And so, yeah,

00:02:21.160 we, we wanted to broaden our horizons and talk about more topics that a lot of you guys actually

00:02:25.880 request. Several of them have nothing to do with marriage, but we do want to talk about those

00:02:30.740 things. And our poor singles, right? We have hundreds, thousands of singles that listen to

00:02:36.620 the show and they're begging for single episodes. We might give you guys a single episode at some

00:02:41.340 point there will we will absolutely still talk about marriage and family a lot about it actually

00:02:46.640 and um so this conversation will be uh we're gonna have a still the conversation around marriage and

00:02:52.400 family it's just gonna be called real christianity it's not gonna be called ultimate marriage you

00:02:57.900 don't need to worry about it same art same everything on the on the podcast cover it's

00:03:03.900 just going to say different words. So just giving you a heads up on that. Okay. We're going to

00:03:10.700 talk about this teaching. Veronica can walk us into the verse that we're going to be going

00:03:18.340 through today. Yeah. So Dale will be doing most of the teaching today. I'll obviously be putting

00:03:23.280 my two cents in here and there, but he'll be doing most of the teaching. And again,

00:03:28.700 bear with us. This is a hard topic to cover, but the passage that we're going to be diving into

00:03:33.200 today is going to be 1 Corinthians 7 verses 10 through 16. Alrighty, here we go. Now to the

00:03:40.900 married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, a wife is not to depart from her husband, but even if she 0.97

00:03:46.180 does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not 0.81

00:03:51.620 to divorce his wife, but to the rest, I, not the Lord say, if any brother has a wife who does not

00:03:58.480 believe and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband

00:04:04.160 who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving 1.00

00:04:09.440 husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. 1.00

00:04:14.360 Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, 0.99

00:04:19.700 let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to 0.96

00:04:25.220 peace for how do you know a wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know oh husband

00:04:30.440 whether you will save your wife dang she did it again i know like you catch my breath last night

00:04:38.860 she pulled it off she read that whole passage without i there was a long pause in there there

00:04:43.780 was i almost stumbled without stumbling and veronica struggles with public reading but

00:04:49.620 totally great with public reading even though it's just you and i in the room like i know people

00:04:53.940 are listening and so i'm like it's like being on stage reading out loud is a legitimate spiritual

00:05:01.320 gift i'm so terrible there's people that can do it really well and if you're like in a bible

00:05:07.780 setting you ask someone else hey can you read this passage they're like sitting there like

00:05:10.800 stumbling and talking quietly that's me i'm that person so all right so before we dive in

00:05:17.520 I want to give you guys some context about divorce in first century Judaism, first century Christianity, but especially in Judaism, because Paul's talking to a mixed crowd of Corinthians, Greeks, and Jews in this passage.

00:05:34.140 And in ancient Israel, the Jews had a huge issue with divorce.

00:05:37.760 There's actually, divorce was running rampant in first century Judaism and back.

00:05:44.120 You could divorce your wife or dismiss her from your home if you just didn't like the way that she prepared your food or cleaned the house. 0.97

00:05:52.940 And this was actually very common.

00:05:54.320 First century Jew, a Jewish rabbi named Rabbi Akiva.

00:06:00.140 He said, if any man saw a woman more handsomer than his own wife, he might put his wife away because it is said in the law, quote, if she find no favor, find not favor in his eyes.

00:06:12.520 That reference is to Deuteronomy 24, verse 1.

00:06:16.540 It says,

00:06:17.460 When a man takes a wife and marries her,

00:06:20.040 and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes

00:06:23.060 because he has found some uncleanness in her,

00:06:26.100 and he writes her a certificate of divorce,

00:06:28.200 puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house. 0.73

00:06:30.960 So this was the first century Judaism's interpretation of that

00:06:36.540 is divorce was just kind of permitted in the scriptures.

00:06:39.760 Josephus, who is like this celebrated first century Jewish historian,

00:06:45.160 wrote this statement in one of his writings and journals

00:06:49.460 that with just like a super relaxed tone in the middle of a paragraph,

00:06:53.280 he wrote,

00:06:54.600 About this time I put away my wife, who had borne me three children,

00:06:57.720 not being pleased with her manners.

00:07:00.080 And so this is real stuff, that divorce was an issue.

00:07:04.520 So the context is important because they were criminal in this.

00:07:11.280 The way that Jesus is going to come set these things straight and Paul set these things straight is a big deal.

00:07:18.160 Now, the context that I'm giving you doesn't change the doctrine for the present.

00:07:24.260 Just because that's what was going on, that's not why it was written.

00:07:28.760 The stuff that's written that we're talking about today

00:07:31.580 is the universal doctrine for the church of Jesus Christ

00:07:35.140 for local application.

00:07:37.360 This stuff in 1 Corinthians,

00:07:38.940 if you read the beginning of 1 Corinthians,

00:07:41.480 it says in the very beginning, the greeting,

00:07:43.540 it says to all who are in every place

00:07:46.120 and call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

00:07:48.500 This letter is a universal letter

00:07:50.560 as all the New Testament letters are,

00:07:52.620 but this one specifically says that even.

00:07:55.000 And so this is doctrine for you and for me, but the context is key so that you can understand what's going on at this time.

00:08:03.720 Yeah.

00:08:04.380 So in all the years that Dale and I went to an institutional church, we have never heard a passage or never heard a teaching on this particular passage.

00:08:14.880 Not because the pastors don't know what it means, but it just seems as if the pastors are so worried about offending people.

00:08:22.500 and the truth is offended people don't give and if people aren't giving then the church isn't

00:08:27.840 staying in business yeah yeah that's i mean that this is what's happening on a variety of topics

00:08:34.240 we're afraid to talk about the things that the bible talks about and then we begin to emphasize

00:08:40.160 things that the bible does not talk about instead it's really weird yeah there's a quote dale says

00:08:46.180 often it's difficult for a pastor to preach on something when his salary depends on him not

00:08:52.960 preaching it. Yeah, and this happens a lot, right? We have Christian men who are afraid to preach on

00:08:59.100 something because their salary depends on them not preaching it. And so this is, again, a problem 0.97

00:09:04.320 in the church and why divorce isn't really confronted from a biblical perspective in the

00:09:09.100 church right now. So, um, the opening section of this passage is actually not Paul's doctrine.

00:09:19.220 It's actually Paul referencing to Jesus's doctrine recorded in the gospel of Mark, Luke,

00:09:25.980 and Matthew. Paul is simply reminding the Corinthians what the Lord has already said

00:09:31.000 on the matter of divorce. And so this isn't the doctrine. This is the teaching on the doctrine.

00:09:36.960 Yeah, these are my words. These are Jesus's words. Jesus said this.

00:09:40.360 Yeah, this is a big deal because he's throwing the Jesus card down when he says,

00:09:45.920 now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord. He's referencing back there.

00:09:50.720 So before we discuss Paul's instruction, let's read what Jesus said in Mark 10, 10 through 12 and Matthew 5, 31 through 32.

00:10:03.860 Again, all these references are going to be available for you on the podcast page that we'll mention at the end of the episode.

00:10:10.520 But Veronica will open us up on Mark 10.

00:10:14.000 All right.

00:10:15.020 Verse 10.

00:10:15.780 Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.

00:10:19.080 Okay.

00:10:19.480 So let's stop real quick there.

00:10:21.420 What God has joined together, let no man separate.

00:10:23.540 We hear this all the time at weddings.

00:10:25.500 Yeah.

00:10:26.780 In today's world, who formally separates a marriage?

00:10:32.000 Who actually issues divorce?

00:10:34.880 An attorney, a judge. 1.00

00:10:36.860 Legal system.

00:10:37.540 Legal system, yeah.

00:10:38.600 A lawyer.

00:10:39.200 A lawyer.

00:10:39.680 The same thing is true back then.

00:10:44.220 We often think that the homewrecker is what let no man separate.

00:10:50.400 Like, don't let the homewrecker separate you guys.

00:10:52.460 Or don't let the adultery, you know, the adulteress separate you guys.

00:10:57.120 The problem is that while the homewrecker or the adulteress wounds the marriage and commits the adultery, it doesn't actually cause the divorce.

00:11:08.940 We cause the divorce, and who actually does the divorce is the attorney or the judge or the legal system.

00:11:16.700 They make it legal.

00:11:17.560 They make it legal.

00:11:18.300 So this passage of scripture in its proper historical cultural context is saying, therefore, what God has joined together, let no divorce attorney separate. That's really what it's saying here. And if you're married, real quick, this is saying, don't let a judge divorce you two.

00:11:43.440 Don't let them do that.

00:11:45.120 And that's the short doctrine.

00:11:46.220 Again, we're going back to Jesus's words that are going to connect to 1 Corinthians passage that we talked about.

00:11:52.380 Okay, moving on to verse 11.

00:11:53.920 In the house, his disciples also asked him again about the same matter.

00:11:58.960 So he said to them, whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

00:12:04.120 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

00:12:07.980 okay so jesus just like slammed the door right now this is a huge statement that whoever divorces

00:12:17.900 his wife and marries another commits adultery against her like this is running rampant and

00:12:23.680 then yeah and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she commits adultery too 0.84

00:12:28.400 what was the punishment for adultery in jewish culture they'd be stoned you'd be stoned so jesus 0.73

00:12:37.340 Jesus has said something that indicted thousands of Jews. 0.75

00:12:42.740 And this is a big deal.

00:12:45.940 And so the other thing that we need to realize is that based on this scripture in Mark.

00:12:53.160 If you're a Christian couple and you're married with two Christian spouses and say three years goes by, you guys get a divorce.

00:13:03.400 A couple of years goes by, you guys get remarried.

00:13:05.720 this passage says that you're committing adultery by entering into a new sexual relationship with

00:13:14.240 another spouse which again is a very indicting statement for the church today but we have hope

00:13:23.740 for you yeah so if you're listening to this and you're a christian and you've had a divorce and

00:13:28.780 you've been remarried don't freak out don't panic um dale and i are going to help break this passage

00:13:33.900 down for you a little bit more in truth we you know we got to give you the truth but also um with

00:13:39.940 grace so that you may find your heart hopefully filled with some peace yeah this is one passage

00:13:45.920 and we're going to look at the rest of the scriptures to break down how you should biblically

00:13:51.300 be thinking about that and there is lots of grace here and understanding and clarification that's

00:13:56.460 coming right now so um yeah so matthew records jesus saying something slightly different yeah

00:14:02.220 He seems to allow a loophole, a loophole that the church has latched onto, unfortunately, and has permitted many unneeded divorces and adult and adulterous remarriages.

00:14:16.420 It is. Yeah. So this is a different passage that Matthew is recording what's probably the same conversation, but records it slightly differently.

00:14:28.240 And they both need to be true.

00:14:32.440 And so this one just brings an extra loophole into it.

00:14:36.720 Again, as Veronica said, the church is latched onto this as the justification for their divorces.

00:14:44.720 But let's go ahead and read.

00:14:46.800 Yeah, this is going to be in Matthew chapter 5, verse 31 through 32.

00:14:52.120 Furthermore, it has been said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.

00:14:57.160 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery.

00:15:04.540 And whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

00:15:09.560 So he opens up and he says, furthermore, it has been said.

00:15:14.700 He's talking about the law, the Old Testament Mosaic law.

00:15:19.300 It has been said under that old covenant. 0.90

00:15:22.540 Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her certificate of divorce. 0.66

00:15:26.400 He's representing Deuteronomy 24.1 again.

00:15:32.700 He says, but I say to you, like Jesus is saying, I'm changing the doctrine right now.

00:15:39.260 You want to follow me?

00:15:40.580 There's new rules.

00:15:42.300 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason, except, so he gives his loophole here, sexual immorality.

00:15:51.640 now that word sexual immorality in the greek is pornea it's the word that we get for pornography

00:15:59.020 and it is specifically and theologically talking about intercourse adultery intercourse it's 0.64

00:16:09.300 talking about unchastity um it's it means fornication it's not talking about sexual

00:16:17.800 morality is also looking at pornography, it's not saying if you look at pornography that that is

00:16:22.620 actually valid grounds for divorce. But if you break the oneness unity of marriage vows and have

00:16:28.700 sex with another person while you're married, then you got grounds for a divorce. And as it says,

00:16:37.900 also, except for sexual morality causes her to commit adultery. And whoever marries a woman 0.98

00:16:43.820 who is divorced commits adultery. This means that anger or workaholism or emotional affairs

00:16:55.980 or pride or whatever other drama you got going on in your marriage are not valid grounds for divorce.

00:17:05.080 And if you do get a divorce and remarry, you are committing adultery.

00:17:09.060 doesn't mean that you're an adulterer but it means that you've committed adultery and we'll

00:17:15.820 talk more about that here in a few minutes yeah ultimately what jesus is saying is that

00:17:21.180 adultery validates the divorce but it does not command the divorce yeah um in other words just

00:17:28.060 because you can get a divorce doesn't mean that you need to get one and god's heart is not like

00:17:34.720 his desire is for reconciliation for restoration he does not want that he hates divorce yes

00:17:41.180 yeah we've you know so many people if adultery happens they go i'm out instead of going to

00:17:50.200 reconciliation this is again do you think that the bride of christ the church is an adulterous

00:17:57.500 bride? She is. You will see Christians and the church seeking things that are not Christ. And 0.94

00:18:05.960 does Christ divorce us? No, he comes back for us. Did you look at the nation of Israel? Were they

00:18:14.360 a faithful bride? No, all through Jeremiah and Isaiah, they talk about how she's turned into a 0.99

00:18:21.220 prostitute and a harlot and hoard herself out. And does God leave us? No, he comes running back 0.69

00:18:29.520 for us. And so if you want to model Christ and his bride, then you get to take your spouse back

00:18:39.580 even after adultery. And it says in Malachi 2.16, for the Lord God of Israel says he hates divorce.

00:18:47.520 when you choose to do divorce even if you have the grounds to do it you are participating in an

00:18:54.980 act that god hates god would much rather forgiveness and reconciliation than divorce

00:19:01.160 just because you can doesn't mean you should um

00:19:05.780 yeah so i'm moving on a couple more points here so i think about what happened to jesus's

00:19:14.140 interaction with the woman in the well, or not the woman at the well, sorry, the woman

00:19:17.420 caught in adultery. And he mentions this famous statement, he who has no sin, throw the first

00:19:24.020 stone. But what he tells to her is, go and sin no more. And she's committed adultery, and that's how

00:19:31.080 he views her. He says, go and sin no more. You're forgiven. And I want to say that if you have been

00:19:39.300 remarried and you are convicted by this passage of scripture, it says that you've committed

00:19:45.680 adultery. It doesn't say that you're an adulterer, meaning that you should go and repent to the Lord

00:19:53.540 about this and, you know, don't ever do this again. You know, sit before the Lord and pray and go,

00:20:01.700 gosh, Lord, whether this was done out of ignorance or intention, for many people, I think it's done

00:20:06.560 out of ignorance Christian couples and just pray ask for forgiveness and never think about it again

00:20:13.840 like just don't think about it again because your sins are at the bottom of the ocean floor as far

00:20:19.480 as the east is from the west um and so if this is convicting to you that's just what you get to do

00:20:25.040 um you get to go wow that's the truth that hurts Jesus is hardcore um we could have worked that

00:20:32.880 out maybe um and i didn't and we got remarried and you know what we get to repent for that and

00:20:39.900 go lord forgive me father i didn't understand and move forward don't think about it ever again

00:20:46.260 because jesus isn't thinking about it and so um hopefully that makes sense yeah so dale's gonna

00:20:56.500 to review this passage in first corinth first corinthians uh 7 10 through 16 verse by verse

00:21:01.820 and so i'll start with reading verse 10 um and here we go now to the married i command yet not

00:21:09.860 i but the lord a wife is not to depart from her husband yeah so now that we've done this

00:21:14.740 introduction this first verse mentions that that jesus is um you know that these are jesus's

00:21:23.500 commands and not not paul's command so we had to go back to mark and matthew and look at those

00:21:29.980 passages now we're going to go into what paul is talking about on his doctrine because he actually

00:21:36.000 adds some stuff as well so we're going to break this down verse by verse and yeah veronica just

00:21:42.200 read verse 10 i'm going to read it again because i want to just make sure that you guys hear it over

00:21:46.320 and over again because you're listening to this via audio uh now to the married i command yet not

00:21:52.100 Now, to the married, what he's saying there is Christian married couples.

00:22:02.400 To the married, Christian married couples.

00:22:04.260 This is a letter to Corinthians, which means that this is a letter to Christians.

00:22:09.780 So these are Christian married couples.

00:22:11.940 Both spouses are believers in this instance.

00:22:15.180 He just spoke, if you read 1 Corinthians, to all the other categories of people,

00:22:19.460 to the widows, to the singles, etc.

00:22:21.360 and now he's going to the married. Next, when Paul says, as we mentioned earlier, yet not I,

00:22:27.100 but the Lord, he's saying, hey, if you want to get angry at this passage of scripture,

00:22:31.200 don't get mad at me, get mad at Jesus, because this is Jesus's doctrine, not mine.

00:22:38.300 And you're not disobeying Paul, you're disobeying Jesus himself. 0.79

00:22:44.620 Ultimately, if you're in a Christian marriage with two Christian spouses, 0.91

00:22:48.480 divorce should not be seen as an option yeah it's just not in the cards it's not there you

00:22:54.100 don't get to choose that just because you're having a bad day a wife is not to depart from 0.96

00:22:58.120 her husband so it goes on to say in verse 11 but even if she does depart let her remain unmarried

00:23:04.400 or be reconciled to her husband and a husband is to not divorce his wife yeah so three things are

00:23:11.740 being said in these verses right here it's saying number one a wife is not to depart from her husband

00:23:19.260 So ladies, Christian ladies, a wife is not to depart from her husband.

00:23:25.340 Number two, a husband is not to divorce his wife.

00:23:29.860 The reason this was said is because a wife culturally at the time wasn't capable of divorcing the husband.

00:23:36.840 But the husband was able to divorce the wife. 0.69

00:23:39.640 It was a patriarchy society. 1.00

00:23:41.060 um number three if she does depart then she has two options and this would even be true to the 0.99

00:23:50.860 man remain unmarried or be reconciled to your husband that's the options that you get inside

00:23:58.040 of a christian marriage there is the only exception that jesus offers is adultery if adultery is

00:24:05.000 committed, you have grounds for divorce, yet God hates divorce. So there's, these are the

00:24:13.340 parameters that you need to understand when this conversation comes up. Um, you know, what would

00:24:20.200 you say, Veronica, to a Christian wife who is considering leaving her husband right now,

00:24:27.960 her Christian husband? I think it's important that we remember that our marriages are supposed

00:24:33.840 to represent the gospel it's christ and his bride um so if youtube can't work it out as christians

00:24:41.360 why should anyone believe that jesus is the way the truth and the life yeah that's a huge point

00:24:46.880 because yeah that's the world is watching us it's false advertisement totally yeah well said so um 0.97

00:24:57.040 Now, as long as you're not being physically abused, I personally would try to stay and bring in another Christian couple.

00:25:06.120 Seek counsel to help mediate the healing process.

00:25:10.180 Yeah, and just work on that humble reconciliation.

00:25:14.720 These are the things that we need to be considering if we're walking through or considering divorce.

00:25:20.840 Don't do something that God hates.

00:25:22.680 And again, remember, if you don't have adultery in the situation, you don't have grounds for divorce.

00:25:28.900 Your remarriage and their remarriage is committing adultery.

00:25:32.900 And if that doesn't freak you out and you're willingly sinning, there's something to be said there of a lack of the fear of the Lord.

00:25:42.000 And you should absolutely sit before God and go, soften my heart, Father.

00:25:48.160 Let me forgive.

00:25:49.420 Teach me your ways.

00:25:50.200 let him work a miracle inside of you um so let's keep reading to 12 and 13 all right verse 12 but

00:25:58.400 to the rest i not the lord say if any brother has a wife who does not believe and she is willing to

00:26:04.700 live with him let him not divorce her and a woman who has a husband who does not believe if he is

00:26:09.720 willing to live with her let her not divorce him so when he says this idea but to the rest i not

00:26:17.000 the lord he's saying i'm adding some new doctrine to what jesus said through the holy spirit's

00:26:24.020 revelation of scripture to me paul the apostle i'm writing something new that jesus didn't touch

00:26:29.960 on and i think this makes sense because he's first corinthians or the corinthian church is filled

00:26:37.060 with new believers probably many of which that got saved while they're already married into a

00:26:42.200 pagan relationship with another Greek, a Greek person. And so to the rest, when he says, but to

00:26:49.600 the rest, I, not the Lord, to the rest, those marriages that aren't filled with two Christian 0.58

00:26:54.720 spouses, but those that are filled with one Christian spouse. And that's the, this is the 0.77

00:27:01.680 category that he's talking to. So if you are in a marriage where one party is not Christian,

00:27:10.100 this is the passage of scripture that is applicable to your marriage.

00:27:14.820 What he's saying here is if any brother has a wife who does not believe,

00:27:19.860 and she, the unbelieving party, is willing to stay, don't divorce her. 0.70

00:27:24.900 And the same is true if you're a woman, and you have a husband who does not believe, 0.83

00:27:30.520 and he's willing to stay, let her not divorce him.

00:27:34.760 And he's going to tell us why in the next verse in just a few minutes.

00:27:40.120 Actually, I'll just read it.

00:27:41.500 In verse 14, it says, 0.76

00:27:42.680 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife.

00:27:47.980 That's a crazy idea.

00:27:50.200 It says the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. 0.95

00:27:54.100 It means that your, I would say, Christian witness in the home 0.95

00:27:59.640 actually diffuses a sense of holiness and sanctification over the house 0.75

00:28:04.760 and actually influences your unbelieving spouse to come to Christ. 0.93

00:28:10.060 They're being sanctified without even being a Christian,

00:28:14.260 which is a pretty fascinating idea. 0.95

00:28:16.100 And it continues with,

00:28:18.060 Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they're holy.

00:28:22.840 Now, holy doesn't mean that they're saved necessarily.

00:28:25.400 Holy means that they're separate,

00:28:27.060 that they actually get to be under the teaching of Jesus Christ and his word.

00:28:32.180 They get to be around the gospel and the church.

00:28:35.720 And this is why, and again, this verse, chapter 14, goes on later in verse 15 and 16 to explain again why.

00:28:45.980 You know, when it says that verse, we'll get to in a few minutes, about,

00:28:49.220 Hey, husband, you don't know if you might save your wife.

00:28:52.880 And, Hey, wife, you might not know if you save your husband.

00:28:56.040 So there is work being done in your marriage.

00:29:00.080 even if you don't say a word totally and where else do we see this idea of a spouse winning

00:29:06.840 another spouse over in the scriptures yeah first uh peter you guys should all know this if you

00:29:11.860 listen to our show at all because i feel like we've said this scripture like every other episode

00:29:16.620 yeah um first peter three one and two wives likewise like oh my goodness wives likewise

00:29:23.600 be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they without a word

00:29:29.300 may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observed your chaste conduct accompanied

00:29:34.720 by fear. So for the ladies who are married to a man who is a non-believer or is just a passive 0.64

00:29:41.560 Christian man, this scripture is super powerful. Yeah. Yeah. It actually tells you to focus on 0.85

00:29:47.780 yourself and let the Holy Spirit focus on your husband. And in the meantime, be praying for him,

00:29:54.140 Show him what a godly woman looks like.

00:29:57.740 And I'll tell you, it is hard for a man who is respected to not reciprocate with love.

00:30:04.460 It is.

00:30:04.860 I mean, when Veronica respects me, I just want to naturally go love her.

00:30:09.900 And so there's power that they might be one without a word.

00:30:15.060 So ladies, if you're in a marriage where you're a believer and you have a Christian husband 0.97

00:30:19.120 who's really passive and immature and checked out, 0.72

00:30:22.000 or you're married to a non-believer,

00:30:25.300 you can win him over by your example of being a godly woman.

00:30:31.940 Yeah, it might take some time, but God knows what he's doing.

00:30:35.580 The Holy Spirit's much more powerful than you.

00:30:37.280 Let the Holy Spirit, let God do the heavy lifting,

00:30:40.000 and you just walk according to the instruction that God has given you.

00:30:43.820 Yeah, read your own mail is what our pastors have told us years ago,

00:30:48.720 is that don't worry about what they need to do.

00:30:51.100 Worry about what you need to do

00:30:52.440 and you'll get yourself there.

00:30:55.740 All right.

00:30:56.360 So moving on to verse 15.

00:30:57.680 Now this scripture is where a lot of people

00:31:00.180 get into some theology fights.

00:31:02.180 Yeah.

00:31:02.780 What this actually means.

00:31:04.560 I'll go ahead and read it

00:31:05.560 and Dale will break it down for you.

00:31:07.320 Verse 15. 0.98

00:31:08.020 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart.

00:31:10.220 A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases,

00:31:13.580 but God has called us to peace.

00:31:17.460 Okay.

00:31:18.720 So, verse 15.

00:31:22.600 Remember, we're reading 10 through 16.

00:31:25.020 So, you guys can go back and read that later. 1.00

00:31:27.760 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. 1.00

00:31:30.780 A brother or sister. 0.97

00:31:32.440 Okay, when it says a brother or sister in scripture, it means a Christian man or Christian woman.

00:31:38.800 Is not under bondage in such cases.

00:31:41.380 But God has called us to peace.

00:31:43.080 okay so um he's already given us permission to separate he just says and even if a wife

00:31:52.420 separates not like you should go do that but um there's there's i guess somewhat permission to

00:31:58.260 separate as long as we stay unmarried you have to be remain unmarried or be reconciled to your

00:32:03.500 husband this verse adds an additional clause that jesus doesn't talk about he says that

00:32:11.940 not under bondage so a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases where the unbelieving

00:32:20.300 spouse leaves meaning that they've actually left and disappeared imagine like back in this day 0.93

00:32:28.240 if your spouse left you there's no phones there's no internet there's no nothing like

00:32:31.820 you you might not even know if they are alive anymore but never see them again 0.91

00:32:36.640 Um, but now, um, it's saying, I would imply that if the unbelieving party divorces you at this point, uh, then this is giving you a permission to not be under bondage. 0.75

00:32:52.840 Now, we need to determine what not under bondage means. 0.64

00:32:56.960 Um, my thought is that that means that you're no longer under bondage to the wedding vows.

00:33:05.020 that you no longer need to be committed to those wedding vows

00:33:10.620 if the unbelieving party has left the marriage. 0.92

00:33:16.060 And the reason I say that is, 0.69

00:33:19.320 actually, first, I'm going to put a caveat there. 0.80

00:33:21.340 If your unbelieving party divorces you, 0.79

00:33:24.780 and it shouldn't be because it's you, 1.00

00:33:27.040 it should be because, like, I'm tired of this Christian thing. 1.00

00:33:29.640 I'm not going to do this. 1.00

00:33:30.900 You're crazy. You're nuts. 1.00

00:33:32.360 Like, I'm out of here. 1.00

00:33:33.160 Because remember, if they're willing to stay, you should stay because you're sanctifying that unbelieving spouse. 1.00

00:33:41.200 But if they're out of there because you won't partake in the sinful lifestyle they will or you're so dedicated to God that they're jealous of Jesus in your life and they leave the marriage. 0.99

00:33:54.520 First thing is that your first line of action should not be to go get remarried.

00:33:59.760 you should be willing to stay single and pray for that spouse to come to the Lord and come back to

00:34:08.520 that marriage you shouldn't be like jumping up and down and excited to go marry another person

00:34:13.460 that shouldn't be your heart posture the second reason why I believe that that's what it's saying

00:34:19.820 is that you're no longer under bondage to the marriage vows is earlier Paul talks about this

00:34:28.460 idea that it's better to marry than to burn with passion. And if you're clearly not gifted with the

00:34:36.640 gift of celibacy, you have a sexual desire because you were in a marriage before.

00:34:44.400 You know, God says in Genesis that it's not good for man to be alone. He says in this same chapter,

00:34:49.900 chapter seven, Paul says that a husband and a wife should not be separated sexually apart for

00:34:55.600 not much time unless it's for prayer for fasting, but come together again soon so that we aren't

00:35:02.280 tempted by the devil. I don't think that Jesus would command us to stay single and have this

00:35:10.900 utter self-control burning with passion because we don't have the gift of celibacy waiting for this 0.97

00:35:18.040 unbeliever to return. I don't think that's the case. I think that God would desire you to go 1.00

00:35:25.260 get remarried yet only to a Christian brother or sister, which is actually what Paul references

00:35:31.620 later in this chapter, that you can only marry within the Lord. And so that's my take on that

00:35:38.540 is that you have a couple things that I want to outline real quick. If you're in a Christian

00:35:43.600 marriage with two Christian spouses, the only reason you have grounds for divorce is because 0.93

00:35:50.080 one of the spouses has had sex with another person. You have grounds for divorce, yet you 0.85

00:35:58.440 should probably still try and work it out. And I would not jump the gun to go get divorced. Just

00:36:05.440 because you can doesn't mean you should. Now, if you're in a marriage where one party is an 0.77

00:36:13.200 unbelieving party and that party leaves you are no longer under the marriage bondage of the marriage 0.77

00:36:21.180 vows those are the really only two ways that we have out of marriage every other way you're

00:36:28.320 committing adultery in some capacity at least what scriptures teach and at least what we can

00:36:33.380 dive into for this short podcast podcast right um moving on yes verse 16 okay verse 16 for how do

00:36:44.260 you know a wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know a husband whether you will save

00:36:48.580 your wife again i just wanted her to read that so that we could be reminded is that

00:36:53.700 your sanctification has a work that's going on in that spouse whether they're saved or not saved

00:37:01.400 And then if that spouse leaves, um, we actually, I know Brian Sumner, um, he's a friend, he's an

00:37:10.700 ex-professional skateboarder. He got married, got divorced, was single for a while, came to Christ

00:37:19.480 and remarried his original wife. And so this happens actually quite often. There's some

00:37:25.960 really cool stories and testimonies about that. You don't know what the Lord is doing. So don't

00:37:31.600 jump into another marriage real quick. Just wait and pray that that person would come back to the

00:37:38.000 Lord. Because imagine if you got remarried and two years goes by and your spouse found Christ,

00:37:46.420 but you got remarried. What a dilemma that would be in your heart. And so I don't know how long

00:37:53.880 you wait but the posture should be to pray for that person to come to the lord and not remarry

00:38:01.600 quickly okay we're doing so that's the end of our sermon um we're gonna go ahead and leave you guys

00:38:10.440 with four takeaways um i'll list off a couple and then dale will list off a couple yeah so in the

00:38:16.280 case of adultery divorce was not commanded it is merely permitted we have to remember that god hates

00:38:22.740 divorce point two a believing spouse has a spiritual influence in their home and is

00:38:28.960 encouraged not to leave the marriage but instead to allow their presence to sanctify the home

00:38:33.720 yes point number three if you're in a christian marriage with an unbeliever

00:38:39.440 and the unbeliever divorces you you are not under bondage to the wedding vows

00:38:46.380 but you should stay single for a time and pray for that spouse and point number four if you've

00:38:53.540 had a divorce that is for a reason that is not adultery as a christian as a christian

00:39:01.160 um you've technically committed adultery technically and we believe it's important

00:39:08.680 to recognize that. Repent of that to the Lord. Ask for forgiveness. And again, if it is made out

00:39:17.820 of ignorance or intention, and then don't think about it again. So that's just one thing.

00:39:25.800 The Lord isn't thinking about those repented sins. And give yourself grace because the Lord

00:39:31.620 has died for our sins and so you you have forgiveness in that but you don't want to

00:39:38.820 erase the truth of scripture last point i want to make is if you've had a divorce before you become

00:39:47.060 a christian meaning that you're in a pagan marriage to unbelievers and you get a divorce

00:39:56.980 remember that when you become a christian all things are new and so you are a new creation in

00:40:06.720 christ and so i think that through coming to christ and repenting of your sin that is also

00:40:17.160 behind you and you don't need to be thinking about the divorce that happened before you came to christ

00:40:23.500 And so that's another angle that we've seen this needing to be discussed.

00:40:29.340 This is a touchy topic.

00:40:33.240 You know, my parents are divorced.

00:40:34.980 My mom's now passed away.

00:40:37.380 And I've had to walk my dad through this stuff and talk about this.

00:40:41.560 And lots of couples in the church really feel guilty and shameful about their divorces and how they happened.

00:40:49.400 So again, now you know what the scriptures say on it

00:40:52.440 and the grace that is offered for those people

00:40:55.860 that walk that out or have walked that out.

00:41:00.520 And it's important for you to go back and understand it.

00:41:03.680 So I'd reference, if I was you guys,

00:41:06.100 the 1 Corinthians 7, 10 through 16.

00:41:09.360 We didn't do a memory verse for this week

00:41:11.700 because we just want you to read 1 Corinthians 7

00:41:13.760 and read the Mark and read the Matthew chapters.

00:41:16.420 this is a really great place to minister to other couples if you understand what this is about

00:41:23.040 okay until next week until next week oh what we need to mention is uh last thing is if you want

00:41:30.840 to get the references of this episode all the scriptures all the points the video the audio

00:41:36.880 recording you can download that at ultimate marriage.com you can read all that just go to

00:41:42.340 podcast page. This is episode number 29. And again, if you'd be willing to leave a review

00:41:47.640 on iTunes for us, that would be helpful. And now we are actually done. Now we will see you next

00:41:54.360 week. Okay. We will see you guys next week. Take care. See you. Thank you for joining us on this

00:41:59.940 episode of Ultimate Marriage. If you're homesick for a stronger marriage, visit our website at

00:42:04.440 ultimatemarriage.com and consider enrolling in our one-year online marriage mentor program.

00:42:09.220 Also, if you're interested in learning more about building a better marriage,

00:42:12.180 follow Veronica and I on social media,

00:42:13.960 where each week we share tips, tricks, and lessons on building a biblical marriage.

00:42:38.760 Thank you.

Dale Partridge - January 23, 2019

Ultimate Marriage #29： Does the Bible Allow Christians to Divorce and Remarry？

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