Dan Martell - 23 Questions to Stop Feeling Lost in Life

00:00:00.000 Everyone is lost, just different degrees of lost.

00:00:03.740 Fulfillment is the knowing that you are enough,

00:00:06.660 and meaning is knowing you're doing the thing

00:00:09.080 you were meant to do.

00:00:10.260 Wealthy people look at time as a resource

00:00:13.140 that they can't get back,

00:00:14.380 and they're always looking for ways to spend money

00:00:17.280 to save time, not spend time to save money.

00:00:20.900 You literally can bet on you.

00:00:22.500 You can do what you want to do.

00:00:24.240 You can decide to wake up and create a world, a future,

00:00:27.320 where what you do is your source of income.

00:00:30.800 Who you are is how you make money.

00:00:33.740 Go all in, you might wake up in 18 months, 24 months,

00:00:37.420 a completely new you.

00:00:39.020 At the end of the day, we all end up in the same place.

00:00:41.360 We move on from this physical experience.

00:00:43.920 So why does it matter?

00:00:45.080 Why does it matter?

00:00:46.320 Why does it matter that you get up today?

00:00:48.180 Here's what I believe.

00:00:51.400 Do you think it's like normal to feel lost in life?

00:00:53.860 yeah i think i think everyone is lost just different degrees of lost so

00:01:02.600 many ways maybe happiness is coming to terms that you have more questions and answers

00:01:10.680 and that's probably okay and normal why do some people feel like you know i have no meaning i

00:01:19.300 hear this all the time 18 year old 17 year old kids are like oh dan i don't really have you know

00:01:25.480 meaning or purpose for my life i think the people that have no meaning it's because they think

00:01:34.080 they're supposed to know how everything today is aligned to some greater magical future like

00:01:41.460 that you know this little grain of sand builds this brick that builds this wall that builds

00:01:48.900 this building that's eventually a temple and it all works nobody in the history of success

00:01:57.940 accomplishment athletics ever can tell you that they ever had that alignment

00:02:04.900 what they had was the belief that making forward progress every day was the path to discover that

00:02:15.060 and knowing that there's a good chance they'll be wrong and being wrong is okay

00:02:20.660 if you're gonna live for a hundred years okay or even 50 years that's a long time

00:02:26.740 you got 50 years to iterate and learn and test and play

00:02:34.020 they put way too much pressure on themselves to figure out their meaning

00:02:37.460 and then it paralyzes them which is a double so then then it compounds i'm paralyzed so i don't

00:02:44.620 take action then i don't make progress and then i beat myself up for not making progress which

00:02:50.360 not makes me not feel good then i go do the thing i know i can do to be successful so i i do simple

00:02:55.860 mediocre right maybe go take a class i know how to do well at or go take a job that i know how to

00:03:01.180 do well at. And that's not the point of it all. The point is to figure out who you are and how

00:03:08.700 can you share you with the world? Where does meaning and purpose come from?

00:03:19.040 Purpose for me comes next to the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

00:03:23.840 see i believe that you are given your gifts through your trials like the worst thing that

00:03:32.700 ever happened to you i don't wish that on anybody but i know who you are today is a byproduct of

00:03:39.120 that and your giftedness your skill is because of what you went through a lot of people blame

00:03:46.320 their parents for the childhood and who they became or you know the the challenges that they

00:03:51.700 experience but if you're happy with your life you feel like because of what i went through i'm

00:03:56.940 determined and i have grit and i'm and i'm resourceful and all these things it's like

00:04:01.840 well stop blaming your parents for all the bad stuff and start blaming them for all the good

00:04:05.300 stuff you can't blame them for one and not the other so first off purpose comes from helping

00:04:11.280 other people get through or avoid the worst thing that's ever happened to you that's what i believe

00:04:17.020 if you're willing to look there your gift sits right next to the worst things ever happen to

00:04:23.580 you that's purpose in regards to meaning i believe that if you wake up to serve other people

00:04:32.340 that is a life of meaning that feels fulfillment like you feel fulfillment not happiness i don't

00:04:41.520 like happiness i like fulfillment fulfillment to me is a beingness happiness is a moment happiness

00:04:48.480 is a cup of coffee it could be money it could be external possessions achievements recognition

00:04:54.880 fulfillment is the knowledge and knowing that you are enough and meaning is the byproduct of

00:05:02.960 knowing you're doing the thing you were meant to do how can i build a life that i don't hate

00:05:11.520 First off, you got to stop living a life for other people. There's no world where you will not hate yourself for making decisions based on what other people will be happy with you for. Period. Full stop.

00:05:27.800 and here's why when it gets hard those people that you're doing whatever you're doing for

00:05:34.360 they're not going to show up and bail you out they're not going to magically give you money

00:05:38.980 they're not going to come in and do the work with you to get yourself out of the issue

00:05:42.260 so you're making decisions based on other people that honestly even the idea of what they think

00:05:50.980 you might have made up it may not even be true that's fascinating to then own the life

00:05:56.740 that you have to live

00:05:58.900 because you're worried about upsetting other people.

00:06:01.040 The way you live a life that you don't grow to hate

00:06:03.940 is to continuously ask yourself, what lights me up?

00:06:09.160 What is my happiness?

00:06:12.360 Like, what are the things you do when you procrastinate?

00:06:15.460 I find that a great question.

00:06:16.720 People are like, what should I do with my life?

00:06:17.960 I'm like, what do you do

00:06:18.660 when you wanna not do anything productive?

00:06:20.620 Well, I like watching football.

00:06:21.800 I like doing this, I like doing that.

00:06:23.380 All I've learned is today,

00:06:25.080 especially today with the internet,

00:06:26.360 you can literally make a living doing anything people like i can't do anything yes you like

00:06:32.420 flipping rocks yeah i love flipping rocks cool you could go build a business flipping rocks

00:06:36.180 really yep yep you could probably figure out how to record tiktok videos of you exploding and

00:06:42.280 flipping rocks and become sponsored by caterpillar and never have to work another day in your life

00:06:50.540 caterpillar will give you a probably a brand deal worth 100 grand a year and you could spend all

00:06:55.140 time trying to figure out how to flip rocks then that's too that doesn't make sense yeah it does

00:06:59.940 there's a kid that makes 25 million dollars a year opening toys a kid ryan's toys a kid that gets

00:07:07.140 makes 25 million dollars a year doing something he would pay to do most most kids pay or their

00:07:14.340 parents pay to buy toys for them to unbox them or open them up he gets paid to do the thing that he

00:07:19.700 would do for free or that he would even pay to do i mean it literally is that simple but most

00:07:25.620 people aren't even going to decide to do that because they're worried what if it doesn't work

00:07:30.980 what if it does work then what then yeah you'll have a responsibility to show up every day see

00:07:38.020 it's easy to go to work for somebody else and have them tell you what to do because then you're not

00:07:40.740 responsible for anything most people get up go to work and have somebody else tell them where to be

00:07:45.540 what time to do and here's a meeting and here's what i need you to do next because they don't

00:07:49.220 want to be responsible for the future how about being accountable to yourself your dreams and

00:07:56.020 owning hey it may not work out but at least i did it my way what if i'm scared about what

00:08:03.540 my parents are going to think of me here's what i learned a long time ago unless your parents have

00:08:10.500 a life that you admire and you want to replicate asking your parents for advice is a flawed

00:08:16.100 strategy. Because if you turn to them, especially for the big decisions, when I think about like,

00:08:20.540 what job should I take? Where should I go to school? What city should I live in?

00:08:24.140 If you turn to your parents for advice on that decision, don't be surprised if you get the exact

00:08:31.120 same life they got. Because you turn to them for advice and you put their strategies and ideas as

00:08:39.440 you put them up on a pedestal. I like to go to a mentor, somebody that has achieved the thing I

00:08:45.860 want to do and the cool part is in today's world doesn't even have to be a real mentor in person

00:08:50.460 it could be somebody online that you just admire and you just look at their story their biography

00:08:54.380 and just go like oh they at this age at my age they decided to do this instead of that

00:08:58.640 and that opened up this door so you can actually study other people that could become virtual

00:09:03.100 mentors to replicate their decisions to achieve a life that you admire not turn to your parents

00:09:09.460 so that's i just think for a lot of people and i have two boys i know that my job is not to be the

00:09:16.620 person they turn to when they have big life decisions but to create an environment where

00:09:21.360 they have people that i admire and trust and respect to be available to them that they want

00:09:27.180 to talk to so that they get counsel but if they want to go create a life that i've never done

00:09:33.960 before i'm not the person to ask i will be there i will care for them i will love them but i also

00:09:39.400 tell them all the time do not do anything for me or your mom like two nights ago put my kids in bed

00:09:45.480 and i said hey i just got to share something with you guys they're like what's that i need you guys

00:09:49.980 understand it's going to be hard but please please never do anything to try to make me happy or mom

00:09:55.840 happy you've got to make decisions for you because i'm not going to be there when you have to deal

00:10:01.720 with this situation that you created by listening to me like if it's the wrong decision for you i

00:10:06.220 know you you you know the conversations you have inside your mind buddy like i don't

00:10:11.740 i will always love you no matter what that that's 100 whether you win or lose or whatever

00:10:19.020 i will always love you so please make the decisions based on what you need what you

00:10:23.180 want to do because that's a way to create a life that you don't grow to hate

00:10:27.900 how can i find a mentor mentors are all around you they're all around you it's so cool most

00:10:39.180 people spend all their time wishful thinking messaging these super influential famous people

00:10:47.100 they go if i could just talk to this person my life would be better and the funny part is

00:10:54.060 is you're so different from that person for many of these folks their advice won't even make sense

00:11:02.260 to you so working all that time and energy to get on a phone call or getting around them to ask them

00:11:07.680 the pretty general broad question to then not be able to even ask a follow-up question to clarify

00:11:13.200 anything it's just a flawed strategy what i would recommend is find people in your city specifically

00:11:20.280 and this is the the trick find people that sit on boards of non-profits right and you're like well

00:11:27.240 that person's never built a 10 million follower on instagram uh no but they own a hundred million

00:11:32.920 dollar construction company they run a 50 million dollar architectural company they run a 60 million

00:11:39.800 design company or whatever it is they literally in your city there are these ceos and founders

00:11:45.880 of these mega companies employ hundreds if not thousands of people that have shown to you just

00:11:51.560 the fact they sit on a board of a non-profit that they care about their community and i will tell

00:11:56.120 you what they don't have they don't have 1200 messages like i do every day from young people

00:12:00.840 asking to mentor them because they're busy and they don't put out content but they're available

00:12:06.680 to you and reaching out to them and saying something very simple like john i'm 18 years

00:12:13.480 old i have an aspiration to start a business do you have seven minutes for a quick phone call

00:12:18.360 here's my cell number if that's easier or i would love to come to your office at any time just let

00:12:24.200 me know i'll drop what i'm doing to show up 99 of the people receiving that email are going to reply

00:12:30.920 and they're going to make time for you they might even just click the phone number give you a call

00:12:34.840 and i just think people make it out to be a lot harder or they discount certain people because

00:12:40.360 that person isn't famous internet famous influencer when i would argue those people

00:12:46.440 are a better mentor for you my first three mentors were people that were inside my state

00:12:51.560 these are entrepreneurs that had built companies similar to mine at the time i didn't know their

00:12:55.640 names somebody else recommended to them and those people changed my life they didn't have a program

00:13:02.040 they didn't have a seminar they literally gave me time out of their lunch that turned into a two-hour

00:13:09.400 meeting that turned into a lifelong friendship of people that i can lean on and that built my

00:13:14.840 confidence to go do bigger things what should i do for a mentor being a good mentee that's the

00:13:26.120 strategy see a lot of people have the chance to talk to a potential mentor and they they kibosh

00:13:33.080 it they do a lot of stupid things man they they talk too much because they're like well i need

00:13:38.840 this person to know i'm serious so they just sit there for 90 of the conversation and just talk

00:13:43.240 talk talk talk talk talk the mentor is like this is silly like i'm what it would do are you pitching

00:13:49.640 me right now what's going on right they won't say that they'll be kind they'll smile and then you'll

00:13:54.200 never hear from them again being a great mentee is being prepared like if you send that email with

00:14:01.320 your phone number you better have five questions ready to go so that if they just happen to have

00:14:07.000 a meeting canceling them and want to call you you're like thank you so much for the time i've

00:14:11.480 got five questions prepared this is my first question that's what a great mentee does they

00:14:16.680 come prepared they they understand the person and what they've done their questions are very specific

00:14:21.640 to their unique experience and then the big kicker is after the fact they might wait three weeks and

00:14:30.360 they'll they'll follow up and they'll say john thanks again for that quick phone call meant the

00:14:35.800 the world to me based on your advice i took this this and this away from it i changed these things

00:14:41.560 in my life and this has been the impact on my life thank you so much really appreciated it

00:14:48.440 guess what that person's going to do they're going to reply and say wow that was really great

00:14:54.680 hit me up any other time if i can be helpful now you got a mentor as soon as somebody gives you

00:15:01.160 advice and then tells you those words if there's anything else that comes up let me know i'd love

00:15:05.320 to help you now have permission to start a relationship and i would say this is my big thing

00:15:11.720 if you have a meaningful problem going on in your life use that for your mentors like some people

00:15:17.880 have like massive problems going on and they don't want to burden their mentor because it's like well

00:15:23.320 i want to figure it out first and then go to them no don't waste a good crisis you got something

00:15:28.920 meaty for that person to dig into that's my favorite thing i don't like i want people to

00:15:33.000 come to me with hard stuff not the easy stuff so just next time you feel like you're struggling not

00:15:38.280 too often use that as an opportunity for another seven minute phone call and follow the same

00:15:43.560 pattern based on our conversation here's what i took away this is what i changed these are the

00:15:47.880 results thank you again and just do that three four times a year and that builds a really solid

00:15:53.720 foundation or mentor what if i'm surrounded by toxic people

00:16:03.000 one of the most powerful things you can do to shift your life is to change the conversations

00:16:11.540 you allow yourself to have and be present to see it's not even well i don't engage with that kind

00:16:18.020 of stuff if you're around it and you hear it it affects your psychology it affects your mood it

00:16:23.300 affects your energy and if there's people in your life specifically family members that you would

00:16:30.620 classify as toxic you're allowed to create space and you don't have to be rude about it you don't

00:16:37.260 have to be angry about it you don't have to create a big scene you can literally decide to not reply

00:16:42.780 to text messages or be slow to reply not accept the invite for dinner right or choose to say hey

00:16:51.420 i'd love to come to dinner but i've only got 90 minutes because i've got a meeting right after is

00:16:55.420 is that okay? They go, okay, you go have dinner, say hello, and then move on. You can decide to

00:17:01.540 minimize the amount of exposure with said toxic people. The key is to then use that new time to

00:17:09.500 fill it up with people that support your dreams. See, I really think there's two types of people,

00:17:13.900 people that support your dreams and people that take from your dreams. And you just know which

00:17:17.680 one they are. If I call them right now and told them good news, would they be happy for me or

00:17:22.340 they criticize me if they criticize you you know what bucket they're in if they would be happy for

00:17:28.720 you like i have my friends some people are like oh well i don't know any other entrepreneurs and

00:17:31.860 most people work normal jobs and they don't understand how to be happy for me not true

00:17:35.860 my friend my best friend marty works in the government he's worked there for 26 years

00:17:40.540 he is one of the first people i call when i interviewed dana white go go check out that

00:17:45.760 uncut video interview dana white first person i called after is my buddy marty okay and i will

00:17:52.300 tell you that guy i could feel his energy like he was jumping through the phone with excitement

00:17:57.280 for me and i just think those people exist and you know you can listen to your heart

00:18:04.040 and just try to spend more time with them and spend less time with the people that take from you

00:18:08.820 you got to do a friendventory it's okay you're allowed like but i don't want to hurt their

00:18:14.240 feelings okay are you responsible for their feelings i i didn't know i didn't know you

00:18:19.880 became the feeling police for everybody in your family because i i realize i'm only responsible

00:18:25.280 for my feelings i can't control anybody else i can control the standard i hold myself to i can

00:18:29.980 control what i do with my time i control the conversation i have but what i can't control

00:18:34.300 is other people's feelings so i would just get on board with that and create some space around

00:18:38.660 the people that are taken away from the potential of you achieving your dreams and guess what if you

00:18:43.720 truly love them the most important thing you can ever do for another person if you truly care about

00:18:49.300 them is to inspire them. And you will never inspire them from playing small. So you got to

00:18:55.780 create the space to go do something, to go play big so that when they're ready and they watched

00:19:01.040 you and they knew who you were, and now you're just, you're winning at such a level that doesn't

00:19:05.460 make sense to them. If they're mature enough and they're ready, they will reach out. And in that

00:19:11.620 moment, trust me, it happens. It might take a decade. Okay. My brother, I think it took him

00:19:16.880 six years and they finally reached out and said hey dan i need your help boom it was the coolest

00:19:22.960 moment in the world i waited for six years for him to finally realize his situation wasn't where

00:19:28.840 he wanted to be i'd built success finally after two failed companies my third one finally made

00:19:33.980 me a millionaire and he wanted to do a change in his career and he reached out to me and i was

00:19:39.980 ready some of you guys want to help people but you're not even ready to help them and they're

00:19:44.380 not even ready to get help themselves and if you go and grab that person that's sinking you're just

00:19:49.680 gonna bring down both ships so sometimes we just gotta disconnect from a sinking ship to go make

00:19:54.960 sure we go on our journey so that whatever miraculous way they find their way back you can

00:19:59.980 help them how can i cut out toxic people from my life the best way to cut out toxic people from your

00:20:09.000 life is just create some space. It might require you move into a new city too. I'm not opposed to

00:20:14.920 that. I've done it several times in my life. I think it's one of the coolest things. A lot of

00:20:18.680 people that, you know, either go through a divorce or a breakup or whatever, and they're like, I don't

00:20:24.860 know what I want to do next. It's like, well, do you want to move and live in another city? It's

00:20:27.800 like, yeah, I really do. This is a perfect time. You know, I think reinvention is actually a

00:20:35.320 beautiful consideration especially in the back end of some massive pain if you go through something

00:20:40.900 really difficult like i've had several friends go through divorces and i'm like look i know it's hard

00:20:47.920 especially if there's kids involved but right now if you take all that energy and put it into

00:20:53.340 reinventing yourself and clean up do that for inventory create some space with the toxic people

00:20:58.940 maybe consider moving to a new city going and getting the degree or starting that business

00:21:05.280 or whatever take all that that focus that negative energy go to the gym get in the best shape of your

00:21:10.900 life you know don't waste a good crisis use that go all in you might wake up in 18 months 24 months

00:21:19.640 a completely new you because you took that opportunity to reset so to me it's just i just

00:21:27.440 don't reply you know the high school friend that just happened to be a friend of mine on facebook

00:21:32.180 because i sat next to them in a class when i was 15 years old i don't have to reply to those messages

00:21:37.600 you can pretend like you don't get messenger you're you're allowed to act as if the email

00:21:44.600 went to spam or that you just didn't see it like it's impossible for you to see every message you

00:21:50.300 might not you know just say well i don't know i didn't see that i'm sorry just don't look just

00:21:54.860 ignore it you're allowed to ignore like there's no rule that says you must respond to every person

00:21:59.940 that talks to you you're allowed to say i'm on path and i am going to put my heads down

00:22:04.340 and i'm not getting distracted and and if you're a people pleaser that might be really tough for

00:22:09.760 you because you don't want anybody not liking you but again you don't control their emotions

00:22:14.220 you control you how could i find positive people that's my life

00:22:21.520 Hmm. So what I've discovered is positive people are usually busy being busy. So you got to go find where they're busy. So where are positive people? Well, they're at the meetups, the entrepreneurial meetups. They're at the fitness events, right? The CrossFit events, the triathlon events, the half marathons, the high rocks events, whatever it is, they're doing physical events.

00:22:46.100 The Tough Mudders, the Spartans, they're there.

00:22:50.060 They're part of organizations, nonprofits, right?

00:22:54.720 Positive people.

00:22:55.860 They're playing organized sports, typically, positive people.

00:23:00.020 They're part of book clubs, right?

00:23:02.340 They're part of accelerators.

00:23:03.880 They're part of economic development.

00:23:06.760 They're active in their community, right?

00:23:10.260 I'll tell you where they're not.

00:23:11.200 They're not at the pub.

00:23:12.640 They're not watching the football game on Sunday at the bar.

00:23:16.100 like they're doing stuff, they're busy being busy.

00:23:20.520 So what you gotta do is you gotta get into those groups,

00:23:24.240 say hello, ask them their name, remember their name,

00:23:29.200 and then just keep showing up and asking good questions

00:23:32.160 and being curious and maybe read the book,

00:23:34.220 How to Win Friends, Influence People.

00:23:37.160 There are ways if you're shy, introverted,

00:23:40.540 if you wanna call yourself that,

00:23:41.880 where you can learn how to act the way you should act

00:23:45.200 If you're more extroverted and give yourself a chance to build some new

00:23:49.040 relationships, but it's going to require you to, you know, act outside your comfort

00:23:56.440 zone.

00:23:56.700 Like I get it.

00:23:57.320 You're like, I don't want to talk to people.

00:23:59.120 It's like, well, how are you supposed to meet new people?

00:24:02.020 You're going to wait until they have enough courage or decide to come talk to you.

00:24:07.200 No.

00:24:08.400 How would you approach someone to make a friend?

00:24:12.460 the easiest way to approach somebody to make a friend is to ask them their name my kids are a

00:24:19.100 little like three four years old we'd go to the park they would run over and they would say like

00:24:23.340 dida dida that's what they call me dida they're like i made a friend i'd say what's their name

00:24:28.780 and i go i don't i don't know and i go then you didn't make a friend yet go ask them his name and

00:24:35.420 they'd run over and ask their name run back his name's isaac okay you have a friend named isaac

00:24:40.300 now super cool and i really think it starts with that it's that simple just can you get used to

00:24:47.980 asking people their name and then use their name in the follow-ups and then ask them if there's

00:24:54.460 anything about their life that you can help them with if you're a copywriter a web designer a

00:25:01.260 marketer you might not even have any skills but your skill is you know people and the key is to

00:25:06.620 ask questions so that you can figure out what that person's up to that you might be able to offer

00:25:11.980 solutions to their problems so you might ask them like what what do you got exciting in the next six

00:25:16.140 months going on on your in your business well we got our big annual event it's like oh what's the

00:25:22.140 event about well it's about leadership huh do you know my buddy gear gear who gear maxwell well i've

00:25:29.180 heard of him yeah gear is one of the top leadership speakers did you want me to connect you guys

00:25:33.980 because i know he's looking for opportunities to do more see well that would be amazing

00:25:37.420 all right let me do that it only comes on the back end of you being curious and vice versa

00:25:43.900 check this out most people are too humble to have other people find opportunities to help you

00:25:49.980 think about that some of you are sitting next to a person on a plane and you're successful

00:25:55.260 and because you don't want to come off as too braggadocious you don't give the person enough

00:26:00.700 to sink into you don't even tell them that you run a 50 person company doing six seven million a year

00:26:06.700 and that you are looking to expand internationally you're just like i have a business it's a little

00:26:12.620 you'll say it's a little business that person might have a little business too but it might

00:26:17.420 only be five people and they think they're a big business and they think you have a smaller business

00:26:22.140 than they do so they have no way to offer to help you because you haven't given them enough so like

00:26:27.180 sometimes when i'm talking to somebody i'll offer them hey do you know anybody on on this

00:26:32.460 aspect we're hiring a revenue leader right now somebody has this kind of experience or anybody

00:26:35.740 that comes to mind or maybe a recruiter i could reach out to oftentimes i'll use my challenges

00:26:43.020 as a way to build rapport and relationships with people and that's how you make a friend

00:26:49.100 so there's there's professional friends but to go to the friendship level i would encourage you to

00:26:54.300 invite them out to hike or to do something you know figure out if they're into pickleball or

00:26:59.640 they're into mountain biking or snowboarding whatever it is for you find out hey what are

00:27:04.800 you doing the weekends what are your hobbies what do you what do you enjoy doing you got to choose

00:27:08.140 the thing that you can do that you would want to do but to me that is that's the difference between

00:27:14.560 just having like a work acquaintance versus a friendship and the big one if you're this is next

00:27:21.480 level this is like super duper high level invite them to your home break bread share a meal if you

00:27:29.000 really want to have a friendship with somebody i will tell you when i moved to the new city i live

00:27:33.800 in now i've been here three years the first week i had four different people invite me into their

00:27:39.640 home to have dinner with them and that was a big motivation for why my wife and i decided to move

00:27:44.360 here because we just fell in love with the the hospitality the people the openness so that might

00:27:50.040 be a scary concept for you well why would i invite people to my apartment i'm telling you

00:27:55.800 they live in apartment too and you inviting them to yours and cooking or having somebody cook and

00:28:01.400 hosting four or five other people that's that's the the the depth that most people don't play at

00:28:09.160 and it's why most people don't live a rich life the relationships aren't deep they keep everybody

00:28:14.760 arm's length it's like surface it's like i don't really want you to know who i really am definitely

00:28:20.760 don't want you in my home i'm just saying i learned a long time ago the freest person is

00:28:26.120 a person with no secrets if you want to have a lightness about you where people just feel like

00:28:32.360 you're you're just sure of yourself and confidence like just put everything out on the table and just

00:28:38.840 invite them if you live in a little apartment it's okay invite them to your little apartment

00:28:42.920 show them why you love that place show why you like that neighborhood invite a couple other

00:28:47.080 cool people that you might enjoy and make an evening out of it have some fun if you've never

00:28:53.240 tried it i guarantee on the other side of that is at least a lesson or a blessing right you're

00:28:58.840 either going to learn what worked and you'll do it better or it's going to be a blessing

00:29:02.440 you realize you made some lifelong friends how do you create motivation

00:29:07.800 hmm that's a great question

00:29:13.580 i am motivated by growth there's two core values for most humans that i think drive them if they're

00:29:24.000 really honest with themselves one of them is growth the other one is contribution if you ask

00:29:30.400 somebody what they would want to do with their life if they knew they only had 12 months to live

00:29:34.940 they would probably want to double down in spending time with people people that they

00:29:40.960 love and they admire but they would want to pour into those people right you ever you ask a parents

00:29:47.320 like okay you got 12 months live what you want to do i want to travel the world my kids what are

00:29:50.400 you going to do with your kids i'm going to do cool stuff with my kids i'm going to teach them

00:29:52.840 stuff i'm going to show them stuff they want to pour in they want to contribute right people want

00:29:56.620 to feel like they've had significance the only way to contribute is to be on a growth journey

00:30:03.140 think about it you can't pour from an empty cup if you are not trying to learn and develop new

00:30:09.740 skills all the time then you have nothing to offer other people so that's what a lot of people are

00:30:15.620 stuck they're like i don't have a meaning i don't have a purpose it's like you haven't developed

00:30:19.560 yourself enough to be valuable to help somebody else have your support to provide you know value

00:30:27.900 for you to feel there was meaning in your work.

00:30:34.480 It's funny because a long time ago,

00:30:36.520 I heard this crazy story about a guy

00:30:39.520 and it's the difference between interested and committed, right?

00:30:43.620 He was saying, you know,

00:30:44.780 a lot of people say they're committed to their goals and their dreams,

00:30:48.400 but they're not, they're fairly, they're only interested.

00:30:51.360 And the difference is, and he used this analogy,

00:30:53.900 he said, if you had a goal, let's say six months from now,

00:30:57.900 to make a hundred thousand dollars somehow some way and you knew okay so there's like the person

00:31:05.680 that wakes up and says i want a hundred thousand dollars in six months that person is interested

00:31:09.940 in that result they're motivated but you know they're just i'd like it it's a like it's not a

00:31:18.900 must the other person is told hey you know that person you love the most if you don't make a

00:31:26.320 hundred thousand dollars the next six months that person's life is at risk and they truly believed

00:31:30.920 it all of a sudden when you ask somebody you know the person that doesn't have anybody's life at

00:31:37.720 risk how how probable is that outcome they'll say i don't know probably like a six out of ten

00:31:42.540 the person that has the risk associated it's a ten out of ten you know what i mean like think

00:31:48.800 about it the person you love the most if you knew that not achieving that would cause something bad

00:31:52.180 to happen to them it's a 10 out of 10 what's the difference motivation most people are motivated by

00:32:01.760 dark energy meaning that they're trying to prove people wrong it's a heavy energy though it's kind

00:32:07.560 of like energy that's stored in the trunk of your car it's the it's the the people that said you

00:32:12.840 wouldn't win it's the people that bet against you it's the bully from school it's the teacher that

00:32:17.380 said you were dumb it's the parent that said you never amount to anything so that pain will propel

00:32:24.260 you forward but it's a dark energy and it will motivate you i've seen people build empires over

00:32:31.900 the fact they wanted to prove johnny from high school wrong or lisa the girl that cheated on

00:32:39.220 them for the high school you know valedictorian or the the football the head of the football team

00:32:45.240 and they wanted to prove to Lisa she made the wrong decision.

00:32:48.740 I've seen people build empires over that.

00:32:52.360 That's motivation, right?

00:32:54.080 Because they have a desire to show somebody

00:32:56.860 that they made the wrong decision.

00:32:58.980 However, the other motivation is the desire to contribute,

00:33:03.060 the desire to give, to help other people.

00:33:06.880 See, if you can get to a place

00:33:08.160 where you're willing to sacrifice your own wellbeing

00:33:11.740 to help more people than just yourself,

00:33:14.680 that creates light energy and light energy instead of it being a push from the dark energy

00:33:20.620 right dark energy pushes you forward out of anger pain you know fear honestly the light energy pulls

00:33:28.880 you forward and it pulls you and inspires you and what's crazy is light energy is 10 times more

00:33:34.600 potent than the dark energy dark energy is like diesel fuel light energy is like solar unlimited

00:33:41.540 untapped sun power right it is bright it is powerful and it pulls you forward like a magnet

00:33:48.580 where you'll do more for other people when they need you to show up than you'd ever do for

00:33:55.220 yourself to prove some other person wrong that may never even know that you did that because

00:33:58.580 you haven't seen them in 15 years just saying that's how you motivate that's that's literally

00:34:03.860 motivation, right? How do you overcome lack of focus or ADHD? I have such severe ADHD that I've

00:34:15.540 designed my whole life to deal with distractions. So for example, a lot of things I do, I do not

00:34:22.340 have notifications on my phone. Zero. Frustrates my wife. How come you never answer your phone

00:34:27.780 when I call? How come you never replied on my text message? I can't have notifications on. I

00:34:32.660 need to focus and when i'm focused i'm in it to win it so that's right off the bat when i work

00:34:38.180 i have to put headphones on with very specific music type with no lyrics in it and even some

00:34:44.260 of its binaural beats like it's the music's designed to help me focus i have a timer i

00:34:50.260 have a digital timer on my laptop and i have a physical timer on my desk and i do a pomodoro 30

00:34:54.900 minutes i do block time where i've prepped i know what projects i need to move forward i put those

00:35:00.420 in my calendar and i attack that list i do not allow people to bug me when i'm working the gut

00:35:08.660 a second meetings ain't gonna happen cue up all the questions you want to ask me and then schedule

00:35:13.220 some time next few days and we'll get to them no sugar i can't have sugar my mind i can literally

00:35:18.740 see my mind wander off and i'm like ah and i'm trying to like do some really deep creative work

00:35:25.140 i have to front load all of my creative work in the morning when my mind is the sharpest i have

00:35:30.020 to go to the gym to exhaust my body to tame my mind to focus because of my adhd i got put on

00:35:36.020 medication when i was 11 years old for my adhd and for my whole life i felt broken and it turns out

00:35:44.180 that i actually wasn't broken i was very normal i'm just different than most people not bad

00:35:50.340 different freaking amazing different i'm so happy that i am extraordinary so that i can live an

00:35:58.420 extra ordinary life but i had to learn how to tame and focus my lack of attention and it turns out

00:36:08.500 that because of that i can hyper focus now and i can accomplish and create from a place of

00:36:14.580 connection with my creator source that most people when they see these ideas they're like

00:36:19.620 where did you come up with that and it's just because i create the environment for me to win

00:36:24.020 and i just had to own it like i had to get good at making money so i could buy back my time so i

00:36:28.660 could pay people to do the accounting because i'll tell you i can't stand sitting there doing basic

00:36:34.260 boring paperwork i love looking at financial models i hate creating them somebody else create

00:36:40.260 them and then let me play with the cells and figure out strategically all the different parts

00:36:43.940 show me how it works but i don't want to sit there and create that stuff i don't want to go

00:36:46.500 and do bank reconciliation i don't want to you know sit mundane copy paste stuff or move folders

00:36:52.580 around or whatever so i had to do it for myself or i knew i wouldn't be even a productive person

00:36:58.180 in the world i just have a positive coping mechanism for some of the trauma i went through

00:37:03.380 people that are on streets they just have a negative coping mechanism for some of the trauma

00:37:07.460 they went through but we're very similar and i've never ever ever forgotten that so i have to work

00:37:14.420 harder i have to do things that for a lot of people would seem crazy like i would never turn

00:37:19.780 off notifications on my phone i have to what's your biggest focus high i gotta say yeah it's

00:37:32.020 it's music and a timer like i can sit there with a laptop i can be in the middle of the

00:37:37.860 busiest intersection in the world and if i have my music in my ears and i have a timer and i know

00:37:42.580 what i'm working on i you could you could be going by kicking dancing throwing knives juggling

00:37:48.740 whatever i don't i'm just i'm plugged in i'm heads down i'm focused on my work and i love that i get

00:37:55.080 into flow really give myself the chance to think be creative singular focus i've fallen in love

00:38:01.740 with my work i love love love to create that's like my favorite place now but i had to build

00:38:07.040 that muscle do you think social media is bad for kids these days i don't think computers or laptops

00:38:15.880 are bad. I don't think iPads are bad. I don't think phones are bad. I don't think video games

00:38:21.300 are bad. I don't think. I think the problem is parents that use it for the wrong reasons and

00:38:29.960 don't educate their kids on the mindset for how to actually look at it. There's nothing wrong with

00:38:34.700 technology. There's something wrong with parents that use technology to avoid being parents.

00:38:39.540 you should use technology to educate your kids there's no future where them not knowing how to

00:38:47.740 do certain things on a computer is a good thing for them right some people like my kids aren't

00:38:52.880 on devices well guess what my kids are and they're going to run circles around your kids

00:38:56.740 because my kids are using chat gpt and stable diffusion and video editing and they're doing

00:39:02.160 very creative digital economy type stuff well your kids aren't they'd never heard of cap cut

00:39:07.380 just saying like the future of the knowledge workers is not non-digital so don't handicap

00:39:16.020 your kids by not giving them the tools just teach them right and teach them about their self-esteem

00:39:21.760 see a lot of parents don't even police what their kids are doing and they're creating content

00:39:26.220 already and they're trying to get lights and comments and views to soothe their own sense

00:39:32.740 of worth because they don't feel enough to you because the way you talk to them and that is not

00:39:38.520 a byproduct of technology that's a byproduct of you being a parent so building your kid's self

00:39:44.380 esteem telling them about their greatness telling them about how amazing they are supporting them

00:39:50.040 the right way not enabling them i was at a tournament this weekend with my kids a soccer

00:39:56.380 tournament there's a kid running his shoelace is untied the dad next to me goes hey number 11 your

00:40:01.960 shoelace is untied he looks at us looks down at his shoelace screens back i don't know how to tie

00:40:06.660 my shoelace and then runs off the field to his mom who ties his shoelace you think she has a kid

00:40:15.300 that has an ipad problem there's other issues there that that's like to me devices is not the

00:40:23.900 problem how you use the device the psychology of your children because of your example and those

00:40:30.040 two things come together and just honestly just think about how do i prepare my kids for the

00:40:33.540 future i want my kids to understand how to use ai and video editing those things 100 are going to

00:40:39.900 be part of their work they're going to stand above and beyond everybody else in the job market or in

00:40:44.540 their business just because i didn't protect them from a device i built their personal self-esteem

00:40:50.940 and their self-worth so that they didn't need social media to replace that

00:40:55.760 what do you hope to teach your kids about happiness

00:41:00.480 i hope my kids realize that happiness is a flawed strategy and a lot of people think well i got to

00:41:10.500 be successful to be happy the funny part is you got to be happy to be successful think about it

00:41:17.140 if you had free time right now and you wanted to help somebody you got two people you got

00:41:20.860 mr grumpy pants and you got mr happy face who are you gonna help you're gonna help mr happy face

00:41:27.500 mr happy face sounds like fun i want to talk to him i got i got a half hour to help somebody

00:41:32.540 people think that once they accomplish then they will be the key is is to be and then you

00:41:38.860 will accomplish so my whole philosophy with my kids is to show them that life is about

00:41:45.820 being in a beingness of fulfillment right how do you do that well you celebrate the progress not

00:41:54.040 the destination as a simple one simple concept when I'm hiking with my kids and we get stuck at

00:42:00.880 a certain spot I don't point to the mountaintop and say we're almost there I say look down to

00:42:05.620 the car look how far it is do you see how much how far we've gone do you know how strong you've

00:42:11.320 come just to get here and i celebrate the progress when it when my kid comes to me and they're like

00:42:17.320 hey look at this i just finished this puzzle or whatever i said tell me about the times you wanted

00:42:21.920 to give up tell me about all the moments where you're just like couldn't find the peace i want

00:42:27.620 to hear about that what did you do what did you tell yourself in those moments how did you find

00:42:31.500 the peace because obviously you must have had some struggles i want to hear about that you know

00:42:37.400 when they um there's so many i just i just pretty much do the opposite of what school does

00:42:43.640 bad schools good schools do this

00:42:47.200 oh i don't i don't uh i don't care what my kids grades are i literally don't and it turns out

00:42:56.540 most schools don't even use grades anymore which is fascinating you know achieving not achieving

00:43:00.960 whatever the language they use when they come to me and they're like hey i got my report card i go

00:43:05.340 do you want me to see it? Because I don't need to see it. I care that you're doing stuff that

00:43:10.860 you feel good. Obviously, you're not behind. I learned a long time ago, there's two things I'm

00:43:14.560 responsible. Well, there's more than that, but there's two big ones, reading and writing. If

00:43:21.380 a kid can read and write by grade three, they are 90% going to be great. Most kids that don't do

00:43:28.040 that because their parents don't read with them, that's the problem. So I'm more interested in

00:43:33.720 showing my kids that life is about doing hard things and that fulfillment comes from choosing

00:43:39.640 to do something that is hard and you do it anyway or even being willing to realize you're worth

00:43:47.120 investing in yourself like the other day one of my kids wanted to um edit a video but he needed a

00:43:54.100 different software and i said well you should go buy that other software he's like well i don't

00:43:58.300 want to waste my allowance money and i said well then understand that if you want to get better at

00:44:02.820 something, you have to make an investment. He's like, well, I'll try to figure it out. I said,

00:44:08.080 you could, or you could just decide to make an investment so you can get faster, so you can do

00:44:11.800 the thing. So maybe down the road, you can get paid to do this. Like, this is what your dad does.

00:44:17.020 I literally take money, buy things, invest in stuff to become better, to become more valuable

00:44:22.780 to the world. I want my kids to understand this, not when they have to go to university and pay

00:44:29.000 for their education. I want them to be paying for their education when they're seven, eight,

00:44:32.720 nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. I want them to just understand that that's just how you move in life.

00:44:37.980 What's your process for goal setting?

00:44:42.440 My process for goal setting is kind of unique. It's very different. There's a few layers to it,

00:44:49.580 and I'll give you some, the high level, but there's a whole nuance to it that's

00:44:53.340 more spiritual that most people wouldn't understand however first off i listen to my heart

00:45:02.060 for what i think i should accomplish in life like i i really i call it a flood of consciousness

00:45:07.500 and i go get quiet and i ask my creator what do you want me to create with my life i am a tool for

00:45:14.300 you to create on this world and i just listen to my heart and i take that and i do that every year

00:45:21.340 every year i reset okay i'm not i'm not tied to any specific path in life i'm tied to honoring

00:45:27.260 that journey then i look at like 25 years from now what what does he want me to do then i pull

00:45:32.940 those things back into annual goals and then what i do is first off i make a list of everything i

00:45:40.220 want to do or buy this year so if i want to buy there's a new chair in my office awesome chair

00:45:46.460 aims chair brand new supercar that's on there trip with my family that's on there so essentially

00:45:52.360 i put all the things that i want to spend money on and then i look at my goals and i put them as

00:45:58.180 a milestone on journey to achieve my goals so for example on my fitness journey i had one of the

00:46:06.040 cars i wanted to buy my my urus my lamborghini urus was project visible labs did that then i had

00:46:14.240 business goal a new company i started and we hit that that unlocked the gt3 touring beautiful car

00:46:20.320 by the way then the on the way up fitness wise 215 lean right which was something i never even

00:46:28.080 thought possible unlocked the ferrari pista and i just i keep doing that and what's fun is that i

00:46:35.200 i share my goals and what they unlock oftentimes the fitness goals will unlock an experience with

00:46:40.560 the family and i just won't go like i have an annual snowboarding trip and usually there's

00:46:44.320 some goal that's tied to that i won't go on the trip it's never happened because i'm motivated

00:46:49.520 see how i did the motivation but that's how it works you tie your rewards to your goals or at

00:46:56.080 least a milestone along your goals then what i do is once i have my 12 power goals for the year

00:47:01.840 for each one of them i ask myself what are the resources that i have access to the people the

00:47:08.720 products the tools the courses the anything resources what i want to achieve this goal what

00:47:15.200 are my reasons oh i know the person sits on this board they could probably help me get you know

00:47:18.680 wholesale pricing for this thing so i can do this charity thing cool so i write down all the

00:47:22.860 resources then i connect triggers to them right and i try to remind myself to review so i review

00:47:30.120 my goals three times a day and that that alone would change the game for you so three times a

00:47:34.940 day I look at my 12 goals for the year and I look at and I just ask myself like am I aligned with

00:47:39.840 those things is my calendar reflection of those those goals are my standards a reflection of those

00:47:45.200 goals and then for each one of them I break the goal into the daily weekly standard I would have

00:47:50.780 to uphold to achieve that goal see James Clear talks about this says most people won't rise to

00:47:56.960 the size of their goals they'll fall to the level of their systems so at the beginning of a race

00:48:02.240 an iron man like i've done or an ultra everybody's got the same goal to be number one or to obviously

00:48:08.380 finish but the person who had the best system for training is going to win most people don't

00:48:14.940 ask themselves what would the daily weekly rhythm routine standard would i need to adhere to to make

00:48:23.020 that goal inevitable so if i wanted to get to a physical fitness level that is the best shape i've

00:48:30.960 ever been in my life well for six months what's the standard is it 2 000 calories a day 190 grams

00:48:36.580 of protein and break a sweat every day if that's the standard that's what you got to do but you

00:48:42.520 got to design it so that whatever the standard if it's 100 calls you want to do a business goal a

00:48:48.380 financial goal like what is the standard you will commit to and that'll actually show you how much

00:48:53.660 capacity you have in your calendar because most people set a list of too many goals that they

00:48:57.200 don't have time to actually accomplish because they haven't broken it down to the actual

00:49:01.120 activities they would have to hold for a long period of time for them to achieve that goal

00:49:05.120 that's what makes my process very unique is i connect the goal to the standard to the resources

00:49:12.780 to the rewards to the triggers that i then review when i sit in my car when i sit at a certain desk

00:49:19.620 when i sit in a chair to make sure that i'm always keeping them front and center most people set

00:49:23.900 their goals once throughout the year and then never look at them ever again. I'm looking at

00:49:27.560 them two to three times a day. And what's the spiritual part of your goal setting process?

00:49:34.080 The spiritual part is to connect with my creator every morning and ask him for help.

00:49:41.960 See, the more I study faith, all faiths, I've realized that he actually tells us to ask him

00:49:50.940 for help most people don't i give them all the craziest toughest things hey i have no idea i

00:49:59.580 call them goals are meant to grow you so like there's goals that i don't know anybody that's

00:50:05.020 ever done this i've never done it for sure and i really need some help and i use that connection

00:50:12.620 to my creator to give him, hey, could you bring a person into my life? Could you point me in a

00:50:21.780 direction? Could you remind me of a resource that I forgot that I had? Could you inspire me to write

00:50:28.280 some words that might connect with somebody that could reach out and support this goal? Could you

00:50:32.840 remember to remind me to say something on my hike on Tuesday to everybody that comes to tell them

00:50:38.680 about a specific goal you know and as i say that i go oh yeah i should speak my goals more often

00:50:44.060 out loud because we speak our futures into existence it's like oh yeah i forgot okay i'll

00:50:48.940 do that thank you like literally sometimes it's just you know i realized a long time ago my first

00:50:54.560 thought's not my thought think about this if you're driving and you have a thought you didn't

00:51:01.620 ask for that thought you didn't even think of that thought it came to you you're in the shower

00:51:05.060 you have a thought where did that come from think about that where did it come from

00:51:12.260 now your job is what you do with that thought what meaning you associate to it what action

00:51:17.380 you take from it what it inspires i think that's the coolest thing in the world so all i'm trying

00:51:22.980 to do every day is set myself up in a position where i can receive see most people don't get

00:51:28.900 ready to receive they don't prepare if you knew you're gonna have a baby in nine months wouldn't

00:51:35.700 you get ready to have such said baby yeah you would get the crib get some clothes put a you

00:51:42.820 know a room together create the nest most people do not get ready to receive their blessings they've

00:51:49.140 been asking for they don't prepare the goal setting the standards the spiritual alignment

00:51:53.780 the triggers that's preparation to receive do you believe in manifestation i believe in manifestation

00:52:03.060 i believe in the quantum i believe i'm a woo-woo guy backed by science like study the literature

00:52:10.660 there is no doubt that there is energy i mean the simple concept of mr happy face and mr grumpy pants

00:52:17.620 like that simple energy your frequency is what you will see if you are a happy person you will

00:52:26.660 see happiness if you are a sad person you're going to walk through the world with a cloud over your

00:52:32.420 head you know see i learned a long time ago studying all so thinking grow rich is the book

00:52:39.460 that most successful people will always point to as a pivotal moment when they started to understand

00:52:46.340 how it all worked how they finally realized and they don't write about this in the book but this

00:52:52.440 is what I took away from it everything in existence right now this desk this mic this shirt

00:52:58.760 first existed in the mind of a person from the past so think about that your life right now

00:53:05.320 watching this on the device you're watching it you're essentially living in the dreams of people

00:53:10.700 from the past. That's kind of a crazy idea. So if you realize this, that nothing exists in the

00:53:17.840 physical form before first being in existence in the mind of their imagination, then how do you

00:53:24.680 create from that place? Well, the world isn't as it is, it's as you are. Your experience in the

00:53:35.600 world there are people that think the world is a bad place and full of angry people and full of

00:53:42.720 people take advantage of them and as they go through the world and they have these beliefs

00:53:45.620 they find examples of that left right and center all day long they're like see that person's evil

00:53:50.180 that person took advantage of that person this they will find examples the other person like me

00:53:53.740 i believe the world is full of kind people motivated people generous people uh good

00:54:00.260 opportunity unlimited reason i literally believe the world has unlimited capital available to great

00:54:06.300 ideas and to great people period full stop it just does that's why i'm zero surprised that i find

00:54:14.360 those opportunities i'm zero surprised that i end up coaching a guy kevin who eventually decided to

00:54:21.300 leave his firm to then come and co-create a hundred million dollar hold co with me to buy a software

00:54:27.020 company every month is that magic is that manifestation yeah because you have to hold

00:54:34.860 the belief that it's true you'll only receive for yourself what you desire for others

00:54:41.660 think about that idea if all these things are true then the best energy to be in the best way

00:54:47.500 to manifest is to aspire and help other people achieve what they want you know a long time ago

00:54:55.740 ago, I think Dale Carnegie said, you can accomplish anything if you help enough other

00:54:59.940 people accomplish what they want. If your dreams and goals are big enough for everybody on our

00:55:04.660 team's dreams and goals to fit inside of, then you will accomplish what you need because you're

00:55:08.420 helping them get what they need. And it's such a beautiful way to live. And that is true

00:55:14.040 manifestation is understanding that what you put out in the world, you come back. The world is a

00:55:18.960 mirror not a window and as you live that life you will get your blessings back you got to understand

00:55:26.640 you just got to manage that energy you got to manage what you focus on you got to manage that

00:55:30.760 headspace you got to know what you do when you have a bad situation you got to know what questions

00:55:34.400 you ask yourself right but it's it's real science it's like it's like um those magnets like a needle

00:55:48.040 there's a magnetized needle and you take another needle and you put on the magnetized needle it

00:55:51.700 like connects and then you take the needle apart and this one's magnetized again

00:55:54.620 it's kind of like that if you actually allow yourself to sit in that energy of being

00:56:00.240 think about this

00:56:02.040 most people when i tell them you have to act as if you already have they don't get it they're like

00:56:10.600 i don't know how to feel something i've never felt so for example if you want to be a deck

00:56:16.640 millionaire okay you want to make 10 million plus most people don't know how to feel what it would

00:56:22.000 like to have 10 million dollars in their bank account so imagine i wired you 10 million dollars

00:56:28.720 right now into your bank account wired it paid the taxes on it it's yours but you couldn't touch

00:56:35.040 it for the next 10 days how would you walk through life the next 10 days knowing that you're gonna

00:56:41.920 have access to you it's yours there's no strings attached it's your 10 million dollars to bless the

00:56:46.480 family to bless yourself to help other people whatever you want to do with it how would you

00:56:49.840 feel most people i ask this question to they go oh top of the world one guy screamed out one time

00:56:55.280 this guy adam oh he said i'd feel like i'd take over the city i'd be the mayor i said great

00:57:01.600 you need to learn how to act like that even if you don't have the money yet see that is the

00:57:08.640 the beingness is that you have to act under the assumption it's already yours

00:57:16.480 Some people are really great at this.

00:57:18.340 The best manifestors, they're not delusional.

00:57:21.440 Like they'll still get off and do the work.

00:57:23.140 One of my mentors calls it the law of Goya, right?

00:57:25.560 Get off your ass.

00:57:26.900 You do need to do the work.

00:57:28.840 But the energy you do in the work

00:57:30.920 is under the energy and assumption

00:57:32.700 that you've already received.

00:57:34.640 You've already got it.

00:57:36.640 And that's the coolest part.

00:57:38.560 Imagine if you went on a phone call

00:57:40.260 with a potential hire,

00:57:42.240 but you know you got $10 million in your bank account.

00:57:44.120 Imagine you got on with a potential investor

00:57:46.160 in your company. You know, you got $10 million in bank account. Imagine you go on a date with a

00:57:49.600 girl first date and you know, you had $10 million in bank account. You don't think you'd have a

00:57:53.740 little bit more confidence. Maybe that is what I'm talking about. And that's just, that's just

00:58:01.400 facts. Think about it. It's just facts. You know how you would feel. Just assume that energy and

00:58:07.120 you will attract Mr. Happy face, not Mr. Grumpy pants. What are your thoughts on retirement?

00:58:13.900 i think retirement's the stupidest thing in the world it's the dumbest thing it's so stupid it's

00:58:19.820 like if you truly do what you love to do then why would you retire from being you i have zero

00:58:29.060 interest of not being me and now you might say well that's nice for you dan i don't enjoy what

00:58:33.840 i do perfect how much time do you have left because you should fix that you literally can

00:58:39.160 bet on you. You can do what you want to do. You can decide to wake up and create a world, a future

00:58:44.760 where what you do is your source of income. Who you are is how you make money. What you love to do

00:58:53.580 is also what you get paid to do. That is the most beautiful thing in the world.

00:59:00.340 So if anything, why wait to retirement to finally live life? Why don't you just blend it all

00:59:08.800 together and just make it you. This is life. There is no place to get to. There's no, I'm going to

00:59:15.600 retire and then travel the world. Why don't you create a world today where you can travel the

00:59:20.360 world and do what you do? Why don't you create a scenario where you work at it with a vision that

00:59:25.060 when I get to these different levels of milestones, then I will be able to afford this freedom on my

00:59:30.100 calendar. I can buy back some of my time. I can have somebody support us in our home, support me

00:59:34.700 my business so that i can be there for my kids soccer games why do you have to wait for a day

00:59:39.580 that's called retirement why like why would you take yourself out of the market think about this

00:59:46.140 the most valuable you'll be is in the future and in the moment where you're the most valuable to

00:59:52.860 the market the most wisdom experience knowledge know-how you decide to take yourself out of the

00:59:59.420 marketplace that's crazy what if in the what if instead of retiring the next five years you worked

01:00:06.940 part-time but those that part-time income made more money for you than the previous 10 years

01:00:13.420 combined because of just how much more potent and valuable you are the value in creating the world

01:00:19.180 like i just find this idea of retirement just so weird and i know where it came from and it was

01:00:24.700 created to get a bunch of old people out of the marketplace to make space for the young people

01:00:28.460 because they needed jobs, but it doesn't make sense.

01:00:31.740 A farmer didn't ever retire from being a farmer.

01:00:34.520 He was a farmer.

01:00:35.760 I'm not retiring from being me.

01:00:38.020 It's who I am.

01:00:39.360 I'm just looking at my calendar all the time saying,

01:00:41.480 okay, do I want to do more of this or less of this?

01:00:44.600 I don't want to stop creating.

01:00:46.420 I'm a creator.

01:00:47.540 If you're a creator, if you're somebody that loves to create,

01:00:50.460 you love ideating, you like problem solving,

01:00:53.420 you like challenges, you like being pushed,

01:00:55.200 you like growing, you like to contribute to other people,

01:00:57.380 you want to have the biggest impact have the most resources to help people

01:01:00.500 don't take retirement crumple that concept up and throw it out the window light it on fire

01:01:06.460 put it in you know drop it into some cement you know really get rid of it because what would you

01:01:14.480 do differently if you knew you couldn't retire how different would your decisions be how much

01:01:20.180 quicker would you front load some of these things you've been putting off what career changes would

01:01:25.660 you make? That's a fun conversation. What is this all for? Isn't this awesome? This life we live.

01:01:36.080 At the end of the day, we all end up in the same place. We move on from this physical experience.

01:01:43.800 So why does it matter? Why does it matter? Why does it matter that you get up today?

01:01:48.980 here's what i believe i believe that we are we are being used by our creator to experience each

01:01:56.260 other so like i am here and i can't be here unless i experience you people in my life like that's

01:02:06.000 just a fact nobody wants to be by themselves feeling lonely it doesn't feel good right doing

01:02:11.040 something every day without purpose doesn't feel good so in many ways i believe that the whole

01:02:17.100 point of life is to experience life with other people and through that to continue to do the work

01:02:24.380 to become a better version of you see i believe you were created to do something great with your

01:02:30.060 life i believe you're here to solve problems to help other people and it doesn't have to be a

01:02:38.620 billion dollar company or a big non-profit it could be as simple as being a really great friend

01:02:44.060 whatever it is for you but i believe it's on your heart i believe you actually know what it is

01:02:48.620 and you have to trust that and if you wake up every day to try to become the best version of

01:02:54.620 yourself what you know in my faith will say the the image of my creator god created me in his

01:03:00.220 image and what he thought i was had potential to do what i like to call my 10.0 self think of all

01:03:06.940 the moments in my life where i've shown up powerfully generously kindness had resources

01:03:12.300 was super creative connected my creator all the like best moments and i put those together

01:03:18.060 and that version of dan could show up every second of every minute of every day

01:03:24.380 that's the 10.0 version of my life i'm gonna strive for that i don't know if i'll ever achieve

01:03:30.940 it but that's what i believe everybody's here to do and it feels really good as you do that

01:03:37.660 the second part of that though is you got to share with other people what's worked for you

01:03:44.460 see some people make a big deal they're like but i'm not qualified to teach anybody else yes you

01:03:48.780 are everybody's born a teacher think about it have you never given somebody else advice

01:03:54.620 yeah you have because it feels right somebody's doing something that isn't right you want to tell

01:04:00.140 them how to do it right everybody does this but i would encourage you to go further anything that

01:04:05.580 you've gone through in your life that was hard for you that you overcame i believe that it's your

01:04:12.620 it's your duty it's your responsibility it's actually your dharma it's your mission

01:04:16.380 it's your purpose to help other people with that just by teaching them what worked for you nobody

01:04:23.500 can say that's not the best way to do it don't matter if it's the best way to do it it worked

01:04:27.420 for you if you wake up every day to strive to become the best version of yourself and as you

01:04:33.100 learn things on that journey, decide to share that with other people, the transformation,

01:04:38.880 the process, the thinking, the books, the resources, the relationships, whatever it

01:04:43.080 is, I think you'll wake up and you'll be living a life of fulfillment, a life that you definitely

01:04:50.200 will not want to retire from, a life that feels effortless, feels full of joy, feels

01:04:56.800 exciting, hard. It's not easy. But as you continue to build, you'll realize you have so much more to

01:05:04.660 give. And it turns out it's really hard to feel sad when you're serving. It's really hard to feel

01:05:11.360 anxious when you're giving. It's almost impossible. So if you do those two things, I think it'll bring

01:05:18.300 you a life that you never even thought was possible. Do you believe in God? I believe in God.

01:05:25.280 I just may not believe in the God you know.

01:05:28.820 Even that word is polluted.

01:05:32.060 So my faith is my faith.

01:05:34.460 It's just like when somebody says like,

01:05:35.680 prove to me that you love your child.

01:05:38.920 I don't have to.

01:05:40.980 I love my child.

01:05:42.280 I love my boys, like deeply.

01:05:44.760 And if somebody's like, yeah, but, but, but.

01:05:47.220 Look, your definition of love might be different than mine.

01:05:49.980 It doesn't change the fact that I have love for my child.

01:05:52.740 I have a belief in a God, a creator, and it may look different.

01:05:57.680 Even people that study the same faith as me may have a completely different construct

01:06:03.620 for what they think is God.

01:06:06.300 And I am totally okay with that.

01:06:08.780 I love learning about other people's gods.

01:06:10.800 I love learning about other people's Jesuses.

01:06:12.920 I love learning about other people's faiths.

01:06:14.820 I love talking to people that don't believe in God.

01:06:17.720 Doesn't change anything for me.

01:06:18.860 i believe every person every human every soul is on a path and a journey to discover

01:06:24.860 their god in life your creator may be nudging you okay when you think it's a rejection it's

01:06:34.720 actually repositioning he's just like hey i'm gonna close that window put you on this path

01:06:38.540 and it's funny how everybody through their own journey could be breath work could be buddhism

01:06:45.460 could be plant medicine could be christianity they all are on a journey to find god

01:06:53.080 how can i find meaning in life

01:06:55.660 like i don't even know what meaning actually means because meaning in many ways is how can i justify

01:07:06.060 that my life has purpose.

01:07:10.840 And I just believe every person is here

01:07:15.720 to help other people around them experience life.

01:07:20.780 So if that isn't meaningful enough for you,

01:07:24.880 if you don't realize that we're all connected

01:07:26.580 and there's this oneness about us,

01:07:28.280 in many ways we're the fingertips

01:07:31.320 of consciousness and spirit,

01:07:34.360 that's the meaning is for you to interact and evolve and grow you know what's the meaning of

01:07:45.140 a plant that starts off as a seed that becomes you know an oak tree it just is like do we need

01:07:54.500 to find meaning and growth in a seed becoming an oak tree or can you just accept that that's what

01:08:01.520 its purposes here on earth i think your life is no different your purpose is to grow your purpose

01:08:08.320 is to expand your purpose is to learn your purpose is the good and the bad that's hard for people

01:08:14.640 they're like why the bad i don't know about you but i've never really grown unless i went through

01:08:21.280 a challenge it took setbacks it took friction it took toughness you know no pressure no diamonds

01:08:27.840 It took some serious moments of introspection for me to realize I have to change.

01:08:34.220 I need to stop.

01:08:35.400 I need to have a different strategy.

01:08:38.540 And I would love for you not to have to go through that pain, but I also know that that's

01:08:41.520 usually where most people have change.

01:08:43.820 That's the meaning.

01:08:45.480 That's why you're here.

Dan Martell - July 06, 2024

23 Questions to Stop Feeling Lost in Life

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