Dan Martell - 44 Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew at 24

00:00:00.240 Recording this right now, I'm 44 years old.

00:00:02.600 But if I had to go back and give my 24-year-old self

00:00:05.040 some advice on becoming successful even faster,

00:00:07.860 here's what I would say.

00:00:08.920 Number one, true humility isn't about diminishing yourself,

00:00:12.020 it's about elevating others.

00:00:13.380 I meet people sometimes and I give them a compliment 0.68

00:00:15.520 and they go, oh yeah, but I actually suck at this.

00:00:17.800 And I'm like, hmm, interesting. 0.66

00:00:19.160 See, what they don't realize is diminishing themselves

00:00:21.460 is not humility.

00:00:23.160 Say, thanks, I've been working on this

00:00:24.980 because I got some great help from this person here.

00:00:26.820 That's actually more impressive

00:00:28.040 and the right way to work through life

00:00:30.100 because if you're always talking down to yourself,

00:00:33.260 then why would anybody wanna work up with you?

00:00:35.860 If you instead take that energy

00:00:38.020 and shine it on other people, that's humility.

00:00:40.880 Saying that you're not that good,

00:00:42.360 giving somebody an open to criticize you

00:00:44.340 is actually the opposite.

00:00:46.160 It's actually false humility and not a good look.

00:00:48.780 Number two, a smooth sea never made a strong sailor.

00:00:52.380 Jim Rohn used to talk about it all the time.

00:00:53.980 You can't control the wind,

00:00:55.800 but you can control how you set the sail.

00:00:58.040 A strong sailor understands how to set the sail.

00:01:01.380 Everything gets better

00:01:02.520 when it goes through some level of adversity.

00:01:05.260 If you wanna be better, don't wish the sea was smoother,

00:01:08.020 wish you were a better sailor.

00:01:09.280 Number three, discipline can fix 80% of your problems.

00:01:12.640 One of the most unique things in this world right now

00:01:15.260 is consistency.

00:01:16.520 Watching somebody be consistent,

00:01:18.340 go to the gym for 30, 40, 60, 90 days in a row,

00:01:22.420 most people don't realize

00:01:23.380 if you can just build that discipline muscle

00:01:25.380 and show up every day,

00:01:27.520 it'll fix most of your problems. Number four, when people show you who they are, believe them.

00:01:32.540 I've learned over the years when somebody shows up and they're disheveled, they're untrustworthy,

00:01:37.400 they're confusing to talk to, don't pretend like that's going to magically go away. Instead,

00:01:42.440 understand it won't. Number five, red flags never go down. Anytime I've gotten into business with

00:01:47.740 somebody and my gut told me, I shouldn't, I've now realized if there's a red flag, if I feel it

00:01:52.560 in my soul. I'm going to move on. No proof needed. Number six, the person who needs nothing can't be

00:01:58.020 controlled. Your attachment to outcomes, your attachments to goals, your attachments to how

00:02:03.100 other people need to behave for you allows that person to control you. Your need of anything from

00:02:08.980 anybody else is their ability to control your emotions, your happiness, your life. If you can

00:02:14.080 get to a place, which I encourage you to consider of showing up, being involved, but being unattached,

00:02:19.200 then you can't be controlled

00:02:20.760 and you get to create from a place of freedom.

00:02:22.700 Number seven, everything you're insecure about

00:02:24.860 is what makes you, you.

00:02:26.440 Think about this.

00:02:26.940 There's no other person on earth right now that is you.

00:02:30.280 There will never be somebody that is uniquely you.

00:02:32.860 And the things that you're scared about,

00:02:34.240 you have shame around, you're insecure about

00:02:35.640 is actually your superpower.

00:02:37.500 Because if you had the courage to share that out loud

00:02:40.440 with other people,

00:02:41.420 that would be the thing that their insecurity

00:02:43.280 would resonate with.

00:02:44.720 You're watching other people and you admire them

00:02:47.040 because they share these areas of their life

00:02:49.180 that you're like, I can't believe they just said that

00:02:50.780 because it resonates with you.

00:02:52.400 That is actually what makes you unique.

00:02:55.180 Number eight, behind every strong person

00:02:56.880 is a story that gave them no choice.

00:02:59.160 I work with some incredible men in my office

00:03:01.660 and some of them are massive bodybuilders, like crazy.

00:03:04.880 And I know that the way they look,

00:03:07.040 their discipline in the gym is a by-product

00:03:08.920 of some really, really deep pain.

00:03:11.600 It's a trauma response.

00:03:12.660 In many ways, it's their adaptations

00:03:14.520 to some of the challenges they went through

00:03:16.320 and that story gave them no other choice.

00:03:18.900 It was actually what was required for them

00:03:21.100 to deal with the situation they found themselves in.

00:03:23.360 It's actually not a bad thing.

00:03:24.520 You can use it to your advantage.

00:03:26.180 Number nine, never use words like could and would.

00:03:29.260 The reason I don't like these words

00:03:30.620 is they have the assumption of failure in the language.

00:03:33.940 Right off the bat, as soon as you hear something say,

00:03:35.380 that would be nice.

00:03:36.220 What you're saying is probably not gonna do it.

00:03:37.920 That could be nice.

00:03:38.800 What you're saying is probably not gonna show up.

00:03:40.900 It's interesting how your language

00:03:42.940 will dictate your commitment to a future.

00:03:45.980 So those words, I just crumple them up and throw them out.

00:03:48.340 It's either nope or yes,

00:03:50.220 but there's no could or would or should.

00:03:51.800 Number 10, confidence isn't about being loud.

00:03:54.260 It's about knowing your worth.

00:03:55.680 What I love is when I meet people

00:03:57.160 and they don't say a lot,

00:03:58.460 but they have this quiet confidence about them

00:04:00.500 because they've shown up and gone to the gym.

00:04:03.020 They've shown up and done the work.

00:04:04.280 They know they're rich.

00:04:04.980 They have nothing to say.

00:04:06.080 They already know what they know,

00:04:07.020 so they don't even talk.

00:04:08.160 Think about if you had a hundred million dollars

00:04:09.760 in your bank account, cash.

00:04:11.160 How would you walk around the world?

00:04:13.240 What essence would you give off to other people?

00:04:15.560 Sometimes the people that are the flashiest,

00:04:17.380 the loudest they're the ones that are the most insecure before i move on to brutal truth number

00:04:21.140 11 we've got a goal of hitting a million subscribers so if you haven't already click

00:04:25.460 subscribe and turn on notifications number 11 you can't shoot a cannon from a canoe build the

00:04:30.900 foundation as much as you want to come out running fast as you can some of you guys are shooting

00:04:35.540 cannons on a canoe and what happens the whole thing topples over you fall into the lake

00:04:39.780 sometimes people want to take a bite out of something that's too big because it forces them

00:04:44.660 to show up the problem is is that the bite's too big which then creates a scenario where they're

00:04:49.060 gonna fail because they don't trust themselves they take massive action and take risk around

00:04:53.620 things that doesn't make sense where if you just showed up and created the discipline the foundation

00:04:58.580 then that massive action's got some footing to sit on it might feel slow at first but trust me

00:05:04.180 be impatient with action and patient with your destination and build a foundation where you can

00:05:10.180 set up and load up and shoot a massive cannon number 12 you can't use someone else's map to

00:05:16.740 find yourself i believe that every person is here on earth to go on the journey to discover

00:05:21.700 themselves in many ways goals are only as useful as they guide you to discover who you are other

00:05:27.940 people trying to tell you the path the journey giving you their blueprint it might give you

00:05:32.580 clues but the only place you should be looking is inside number 13 if you're not constantly

00:05:38.580 contradicting yourself you're not growing fast enough if you think of the idea of growth being

00:05:43.460 change learning new things you're getting new perspective then by the fact that you're learning

00:05:48.420 and growing things you used to believe decisions you would have made in the past are no longer true

00:05:53.380 which means you're gonna have to contradict yourself there's a direct correlation the

00:05:56.980 faster you grow the more you realize that the way you used to do things can't work anymore i always

00:06:02.500 say to people often wrong never in doubt i know what i'm doing isn't going to get me to where

00:06:07.140 i'm going i have strong opinions about what that might look like today but i'm on a growth game

00:06:12.740 which means i'm going to contradict myself six months from now i'm going to say something and

00:06:16.740 it's not going to align with what i shared today but that's okay because that's the whole point

00:06:20.740 if you are on a constant growth game it will feel contradicting number 14 true abundance comes from

00:06:27.300 appreciating what you already have you don't need anything to be happy when i work with clients

00:06:31.860 one-on-one i always ask them to make a list 25 years from now dream a little bit what do you

00:06:36.100 you want to accomplish? What do you want to create with your life? And they make this magical list of

00:06:40.000 things that they envision. And I love that for them. I love that they took the space to download,

00:06:45.080 create from their creator, design this life. But then shortly after, we're going to sit down. I'm

00:06:49.960 going to remind them that all those goals, those dreams, those outcomes you want to achieve are

00:06:54.880 just criteria you've made up to give yourself permission to actually be happy, to be content,

00:07:00.380 to feel fulfilled. And the truth is none of those need to be there for you in this moment to feel

00:07:06.040 that way you can literally go to gratitude you can go to abundance you can go to appreciation

00:07:10.680 it doesn't mean you don't create it doesn't mean you decide to say okay well what i got is all i

00:07:14.600 need because you're here to create you just don't create from a place of lack you create from a

00:07:18.360 place of abundance and that is 10 times more powerful number 15 assume the best in others

00:07:24.040 until proven otherwise my philosophy when i hire somebody somebody comes into my life a business

00:07:29.240 partner a new friend i just assume they're awesome i just assume they're trustworthy i just assume

00:07:34.520 from day one that they're great at what they do and I give them the responsibility. I assume

00:07:39.420 positive intent and I allow them to go out into the world. That being said, if they show me who

00:07:44.620 they are, I believe them. But I just think too often because we have trust issues that usually

00:07:48.820 come from trauma, that we hold off from letting go and it has nothing to do with the individual,

00:07:53.440 it has to do with us. And our inability to assume the best in others is actually a 100% reflection

00:07:59.140 of who we are. And that one's a tough one to realize because you're like, what if they mess

00:08:02.900 up? What if they embarrass me? What if they cost me money? Maybe. What if they never do that? And

00:08:07.640 you didn't get the opportunity to go as deep or get as much support as you want because of your

00:08:12.020 own fears. Number 16, fear will always give bad advice. Write this one down, tattoo it on your

00:08:18.080 body. Fear will always give bad advice because it's based on a past that isn't true anymore.

00:08:23.980 False evidence appearing real. That's what fear stands for. And things happen to you in the past

00:08:28.460 at a younger age, at some other point with different people, and you're still operating

00:08:32.400 from some projection of that situation happening again

00:08:35.600 when the whole scenario is completely different.

00:08:38.440 New girlfriend, new business partner,

00:08:40.560 new economy, new industry, all these things are new,

00:08:43.240 yet you're responding out of fear

00:08:45.160 because of something that happened in the past

00:08:47.100 that isn't even possible anymore.

00:08:49.500 Oftentimes, our rumination around fear

00:08:51.540 actually sets up the situation for it to repeat itself,

00:08:54.840 not because it was, because of how you showed up.

00:08:57.320 Number 17, your comfort zone is where dreams go to die.

00:09:00.520 who you are today and what you want to achieve your dreams is not who you need to be to achieve

00:09:05.880 them. Period. Full stop. If you were, then you'd have those things in your life. If you had the

00:09:10.060 mindset of a millionaire, you'd be a millionaire. And being able to go outside of your comfort zone

00:09:15.140 is the only way you're going to grow. In many ways, I like to tell people, once you see it,

00:09:19.540 you can't unsee it. Once you expand, you can't contract. And to go to those places,

00:09:24.820 to experience those things, to be pushed, you have to be willing. It's scary. But if you can jump,

00:09:30.520 outside that comfort zone sometimes it's a running ninja kick i get it it's so scary you're like if

00:09:35.160 i don't do it now i probably won't do it hey start running make that jump but i promise you

00:09:39.800 your dreams your goals your outcomes live on the other side of you making that leap way outside

00:09:45.320 your comfort zone number 18 surround yourself with people who challenge your beliefs not just

00:09:50.440 reinforce them this is the way i look at my friendships there are people i know that are

00:09:55.160 cheerleaders they're incredible people they want to see the best for me they always want me to do

00:09:59.560 well and i love them for that the challenge with those people is that they're never going to push

00:10:04.120 me to think differently because they don't want to create conflict so what do i do i have to fight

00:10:09.800 to get in a bigger room i have to fight to get on a smarter street i have to fight to get in a better

00:10:14.760 peer group of people that are way further along than me why because they will challenge my beliefs

00:10:19.560 they will look at my strategy and go that's cute that's not going to get you anywhere is interesting

00:10:23.640 and the truth is is they're saying that because they see my potential so if you accept the people

00:10:28.200 around you, which I get could be really great people.

00:10:31.020 You're just gonna have the same people reinforcing

00:10:33.020 what you already know and believe.

00:10:34.360 You're not gonna be pushed to go find

00:10:35.860 and discover new perspectives on life.

00:10:37.680 And it's in those new opportunities, those new beliefs

00:10:40.300 where you're actually gonna grow the most.

00:10:41.920 Number 19, if you wanna be extraordinary,

00:10:44.260 you'll need to be extra, which will feel uncomfortable.

00:10:47.200 So many people tell me, Dan, you're a lot.

00:10:49.580 Dan, you're too much.

00:10:50.840 Guess what?

00:10:51.460 If I'm too much, go find less.

00:10:53.000 I don't want to be less.

00:10:54.380 I know that if I wanna live an extraordinary life,

00:10:57.220 i have to show up in ways that other people think are extra i might think they're absolutely normal

00:11:01.860 getting up early going to the gym every day showing up as a leader all these things might

00:11:06.420 feel extra but guess what if my goal is to have an extraordinary life it means that i have to

00:11:12.180 make decisions or show up in a way that is extra that is different from everybody else and i never

00:11:17.460 ever ever make myself feel bad for being extra if anything i'm looking for opportunities to actually

00:11:23.300 separate myself number 20 happiness is fleeting focus on fulfillment a long time ago i was taught

00:11:29.100 this concept around fulfillment because everybody always says when i'm older i want to be happy you

00:11:33.860 ask your kids what do you want to be when you're older i want to be happy happy happy happy people

00:11:37.280 say this i want to be happy is it okay if i'm happy here's what i know about happy happy is a

00:11:41.340 moment in time it's not a place of feeling guess what when i was doing iron man when i was in the

00:11:47.160 thick of the work and it required a piece of me that i didn't even know was there was i happy

00:11:52.260 No. Was I proud of myself afterwards? You better believe it. Fulfillment is a byproduct of feeling

00:11:57.340 useful. Nobody wakes up every day and says, I just want to be happy and I'm going to lay on

00:12:01.900 the beach and drink Mai Tais. No, because in three weeks, four weeks, at some point you're

00:12:06.100 going to ask yourself, what is the point of my life? I guess I'm supposed to be happy, but for

00:12:10.140 some reason I feel empty inside because you're going to die one day. You're going to take that

00:12:13.820 last breath and you're going to look back and say, did I feel useful? Did I contribute? Did I show

00:12:18.900 up? Was I an example to other people? Did my life mean something? And that is what fulfillment is

00:12:24.240 all about. So focus on fulfillment. Number 21, put your own mask on before trying to help others.

00:12:30.120 When I got out of rehab, I'm 17 years old. I suffered with addiction my whole life and I

00:12:34.440 wanted nothing more than to help all my friends and family members that also struggle. But it

00:12:38.920 occurred to me and I was taught this. If I went out there and I started trying to do that, I would

00:12:42.580 actually risk stumbling and relapsing myself because I didn't have enough time sober to actually

00:12:47.280 be strong enough to even be in a position to help somebody else. And it felt really weird because

00:12:51.180 I'm like, I know these things. I want to teach it. And everybody kept saying, focus on yourself,

00:12:55.040 focus on yourself, focus on yourself. And it felt very selfish. Here's where I've gotten to.

00:12:59.260 If I want to help other people I love at the highest level, then the best thing I could ever

00:13:04.200 be is the best version of myself. And if I know right now I'm not there, then I just got to wait.

00:13:09.300 I got to do the work. I got to create the resources, the opportunities for myself so

00:13:13.420 that when that other person is ready and they come to me, I will be ready to help them. If I go too

00:13:18.600 soon, then it's like two sinking boats trying to help each other. Focus on you. And once you're

00:13:23.400 good, you'll be better for everybody else around you. Number 22, no one needs a change for you to

00:13:28.280 win. Nobody. This one's going to be hard. You might be in a relationship right now, have a parent

00:13:32.620 or a friend, and you wish that they would change. You wish that they saw things the way you needed

00:13:38.060 them to see it. You wish that they supported you. You wish that they were more motivated. I don't

00:13:41.880 know what it is, but you have a wish and a desire for somebody else. And you think if they were only

00:13:45.840 that way, then maybe you'd win. How about you get to this place? Nobody needs to say yes to you.

00:13:52.240 Nobody needs to change. Nobody needs to do anything for you to win because that gives you

00:13:56.220 a hundred percent control that puts you in the driver's seat that makes you a hundred percent

00:14:00.260 accountable for your life. And that's actually a winning proposition. Number 23, you're responsible

00:14:04.980 for your own happiness, not anyone else to the same token of nobody needs to change for you to

00:14:10.080 win. I don't require anybody to make me happy. I realize that my happiness is a byproduct from the

00:14:15.840 stories I tell myself from the events that happen in my life. Somebody cuts me off in traffic. I

00:14:20.160 could easily get upset. I can decide that person cut me off. They're a ding dong. Not cool. Or I 0.99

00:14:25.760 can tell myself a more empowering story that maybe somebody that they love is sick in the hospital

00:14:30.100 and they need to get there and making that move. They didn't even mean to do it. They got to go

00:14:34.140 see that loved one. If I was in that position, I would love some grace around the people on the

00:14:37.380 street to get me into the place I need to get to see my loved ones. Those are all choices that I

00:14:41.480 can make. And that's why I think a lot of people put their happiness into somebody else. Take that

00:14:45.960 power back. Realize that your story you tell yourself is going to make you happy, not the

00:14:50.320 activities or actions of other people. Number 24, not all feedback is valuable. Learn to identify

00:14:55.980 the helpful from the harmful. I always ask myself when somebody's giving me feedback,

00:15:00.100 who is this person? Why are they saying this? And if I implement it, what do I assume the results

00:15:04.620 would be because oftentimes it's more harmful than helpful. Some people mean well. These are

00:15:09.000 people that love you and they're giving you advice, but they've never done it before. They just don't

00:15:12.920 want to see you hurt. So they give you advice that might make it safe for you to move forward,

00:15:17.340 but it's not going to get you to where you want to go. If an enemy purposely put sugar in your

00:15:22.220 water, would it harm you? Nope. What if a friend accidentally put poison in your water? Would it

00:15:27.480 harm you? Yeah, it'd kill you. Sometimes the feedback that people are giving you is well 1.00

00:15:32.280 meaning well intended and is actually harmful so instead what i want you to ask yourself is who is

00:15:37.080 this person have they achieved that result why are they telling me this are they telling me this

00:15:40.520 because they want to sell me something are they telling me this because they want to see me win

00:15:43.560 and if all things being equal the person's been to where i want and i feel like the feedback comes

00:15:48.120 from a place of positive intention then it's worth considering number 25 you don't need to justify

00:15:53.480 your choices to anyone but yourself you are living your own life and as much as you want to please

00:15:58.600 people around you because you want them to be proud of you you want them to support you i want

00:16:02.120 you to understand someday those people will not be in your life and so often we're trying to justify

00:16:07.720 our choices to other people when we start off in life we don't know any better so we're always

00:16:12.680 looking around and saying does this make sense does this make sense does this make sense and

00:16:16.040 then you realize that nobody else understands this is a crazy part if you are successful you will

00:16:20.760 learn really quick that your parents and people you looked up to at some point actually didn't

00:16:25.160 know any more than you. And you need to live with your decisions. So if you don't check in

00:16:30.220 with yourself and say, hey, does this light me up? Does this make me happy? If I fast forward

00:16:34.880 five, 10 years, will I be happy about this choice? If the answer is no, then you're living for

00:16:39.620 somebody else. And that is a losing recipe. Number 26, you're allowed to love someone

00:16:44.640 from a distance. There's a lot of great people, well-intended, that I love, that I have created

00:16:50.500 space from intentionally. The reason why is their journey and their energy isn't aligned with mine

00:16:56.120 and that's totally okay. I can decide not to be so quick on a response to a text message. I can

00:17:01.540 decide to say no to an invitation to go on vacation. I can decide to create some space and

00:17:06.620 just not always be around on weekends. Whatever the scenario is, I'm allowed to protect my energy.

00:17:12.460 Nobody is entitled to my presence. If I want to have a relationship with somebody, I can choose

00:17:17.760 to express what my desires are.

00:17:19.360 I can express to them when these things are said

00:17:21.540 or this situation happens, I don't like it, I don't enjoy it.

00:17:24.760 But if they don't hear that, that's cool.

00:17:26.700 I can love them from a distance.

00:17:28.720 Number 27, discomfort is often a sign of growth, not failure.

00:17:32.980 When I'm uncomfortable, I always go to myself,

00:17:36.280 ooh, we're the opportunity, we're the opponent.

00:17:39.440 It's in that discomfort where I'm like,

00:17:41.580 ooh, imposter syndrome, that I'm like, I'm about to grow.

00:17:44.720 I don't beat myself up anymore.

00:17:46.160 I don't tell myself I'm not good enough.

00:17:48.320 Sometimes people are like,

00:17:49.340 oh, I feel so scared to do this. 0.99

00:17:50.860 I suck. 0.99

00:17:51.440 Oh my gosh, I can't believe I feel this way. 1.00

00:17:53.520 I'm not worthy.

00:17:54.380 And it's not failure.

00:17:55.740 Your discomfort is actually like a compass

00:17:58.020 to point you in the right direction.

00:18:00.000 It is a sign of growth.

00:18:01.520 Number 28, the pursuit of perfection

00:18:03.780 will lead to a life of misery.

00:18:05.860 It's kind of funny because perfection

00:18:07.020 is nothing more than procrastination in disguise.

00:18:09.600 I see people all the time.

00:18:10.720 They're like, I would do this,

00:18:11.740 but this and this and this need to happen.

00:18:13.600 No, it doesn't.

00:18:14.300 Well, I mean, I could do it,

00:18:15.280 but then what would people think?

00:18:17.120 Oh, interesting.

00:18:18.020 Let's talk about that.

00:18:18.960 Who are those people?

00:18:20.500 What people?

00:18:21.240 Your friends?

00:18:21.980 Because I learned a long time ago,

00:18:23.160 people that care don't matter

00:18:24.980 and people that matter don't care.

00:18:26.680 I'm going to move forward.

00:18:28.080 If I'm not embarrassed by the first version

00:18:30.180 of whatever I'm about to do,

00:18:31.420 I waited way too long.

00:18:32.840 It doesn't mean that you put it out to a thousand people.

00:18:35.100 You can put it out to 10, get some feedback.

00:18:36.520 Put it out to a hundred, get some feedback.

00:18:37.640 If you don't do it that way,

00:18:39.220 you'll always live in this life of regret

00:18:41.780 because your best work or any work

00:18:43.880 never actually got to help anybody think about your worst video trying to teach something to

00:18:48.540 somebody is better than the perfect video that took you 10 years to help because nobody saw it

00:18:53.540 it was 10 years of nobody seeing it versus hey maybe it wasn't the best version of it but you

00:18:57.660 got it out you did another one and for 10 years this content lived out there was helping people

00:19:01.620 and you waited till it was perfect that is a life of misery number 29 success without purpose feels

00:19:08.340 empty even if it looks good on paper i know people that are so poor all they have is money

00:19:13.520 they don't realize that these things that we look up to possessions prestige power the money side of

00:19:20.080 things it might look good on paper it might make you feel good telling somebody at a party how much

00:19:23.920 money you made but the truth is is none of those dictate the quality of your life they don't talk

00:19:29.120 about the character who you are in many ways those are great ways for you to measure the value create

00:19:34.800 in the world but if you don't focus on that then you're gonna feel empty because you're always

00:19:38.880 building from a place of not enoughness trying to use paper to fill that hole is like trying to fill

00:19:45.840 a void that has no bottom it'll never happen yet if you find your purpose you can feel fulfilled

00:19:51.280 you can feel absolutely full of grace and it takes nothing to feel that way number 30 your boundaries

00:19:57.680 can make other people feel uncomfortable and that's their problem express your preferences

00:20:02.320 express your boundaries let somebody know if they've crossed them hey i just want to let you

00:20:06.960 You know, that kind of language doesn't fly with me.

00:20:08.880 Hey, I hear what you're saying.

00:20:10.180 We don't need to use other people's names.

00:20:11.680 We can have this conversation

00:20:12.560 without disclosing who is involved.

00:20:14.440 Because honestly, I feel uncomfortable when you share that.

00:20:16.180 I'm a big fan of saying, this is who I am.

00:20:18.480 This is what I'm about.

00:20:19.440 And I have no problem sharing that with other people.

00:20:21.720 The ones that resonate with that, game on.

00:20:23.620 We're gonna be great friends.

00:20:24.660 The people that have a problem with that,

00:20:26.020 that's their story and journey.

00:20:27.280 And it's not my problem.

00:20:28.460 I don't need to be friends with everybody.

00:20:30.380 The longer you go trying to be liked by everybody,

00:20:33.700 the longer you will stay in your prison.

00:20:35.500 Number 31, not all pain is meant to be resolved.

00:20:38.720 Some is meant to be felt.

00:20:39.980 Had a friend recently, had a massive realization

00:20:42.220 and they shared that with me.

00:20:44.020 And I said, feel the feels.

00:20:45.940 There was nothing for me to do.

00:20:47.160 There was nothing for me to say.

00:20:48.360 There was no thing to try to fix.

00:20:50.320 All I shared with them is feel the feels.

00:20:53.580 Oftentimes, those feelings show up

00:20:55.900 because it's allowing us to process.

00:20:58.460 It's allowing us to clear.

00:20:59.820 It's allowing us to make sense of the situation.

00:21:02.380 And I know we have this tendency

00:21:03.500 to always want to either stop hurting or fix problems or find the meaning of the insights

00:21:10.620 and why i'm going through this sometimes it's just to feel the feels there's no place to get to just

00:21:16.140 allow yourself to not push the feelings away let them come to the surface because sunlight sanitizes

00:21:21.500 when we take the things that we're scared or ashamed of and we allow ourselves to feel that

00:21:25.980 and if we have the courage to share with other people like my friend did with me i'll tell you

00:21:29.740 you on the other side of that is a feeling of lightness. Number 32, conformity is the silent

00:21:36.000 killer of creativity and innovation. Doing things as you've been told, as they've always been,

00:21:41.380 is where innovation goes to die. If you actually want to do something that doesn't exist, you're

00:21:46.860 going to have to break the molds. You're going to have to push the boundaries. You have to go test.

00:21:51.140 There's this thing in science called the local maxima. And essentially it's the concept of the

00:21:55.560 mountain that you're climbing having a peak you could find out that there's a bigger mountain

00:22:00.620 that you could go discover but to get to that bigger mountain you have to go down the valley

00:22:04.720 of the current one to go through that valley to come up the other side that's conformity that's

00:22:09.120 doing things unlike everybody's done before willing to potentially find something bigger and better

00:22:14.320 but being okay that if you don't you just learned a lot and i think too often people are like this

00:22:19.200 is how it's always been done this is how i have to do it you want to innovate you want to create

00:22:23.120 You have to be willing to be misunderstood.

00:22:25.360 That's by going on a journey that nobody agrees with.

00:22:28.160 Number 33, not everyone will be happy for your success

00:22:31.160 and that's okay.

00:22:32.320 If you crush it, and I hope you do, here's what I know.

00:22:35.220 At that level of success,

00:22:37.080 what you'll be doing is you'll be living your truth.

00:22:39.520 You will discover internally what lights you up,

00:22:42.300 where your value is, how you show up,

00:22:44.100 and you're gonna live that truth.

00:22:45.500 And in that moment of you shining your truth,

00:22:48.360 you will show people where they've been living a lie.

00:22:50.460 Your success is going to shine a bright light

00:22:53.440 on the parts of somebody else's life where they gave up,

00:22:56.220 where they decided not to push as hard.

00:22:57.920 They're gonna see you

00:22:58.980 and they might even say it to your face.

00:23:00.680 I'm so happy for you, congrats.

00:23:02.420 Behind your back, unfortunately,

00:23:03.920 they won't say the same thing.

00:23:05.200 And it's not their fault.

00:23:06.660 I'm not upset when I see this happen.

00:23:08.240 It happens all the time.

00:23:09.180 I understand it.

00:23:10.260 I have a lot of grace for them

00:23:11.780 and I want you to know that it will happen

00:23:13.300 and it's absolutely okay.

00:23:15.280 Number 34, sometimes failure is more valuable

00:23:18.680 than success in the long run.

00:23:20.460 Sometimes God's rejection is God's redirection.

00:23:23.820 You weren't meant to go down that path.

00:23:25.640 And at the time, it might feel really hard

00:23:27.560 because you put your life and soul into the project,

00:23:29.960 into the thing, to the business, to the relationship,

00:23:32.000 whatever it is, and everybody else sees it as a failure.

00:23:34.480 You might see it as a failure.

00:23:35.740 I've just been doing this long enough to know,

00:23:37.320 I want you to hear this, that that rejection,

00:23:40.900 that failure is God's way of redirecting.

00:23:43.420 It's all he's got.

00:23:44.440 He's like, look, I know you wanted to go do this,

00:23:46.640 but it's very unlikely that in the long run,

00:23:49.360 that's the right move.

00:23:50.260 There's this other opportunity that's right there

00:23:52.580 that if you just created some space, you'd probably see.

00:23:55.180 And in the long run, that is the move.

00:23:57.620 Steve Jobs said it in his commencement speech

00:23:59.860 that you can't connect the dots looking forward.

00:24:02.460 You can only do it looking backwards.

00:24:04.560 And trust me, when I look at my life

00:24:06.060 and all the crazy failures and redirections, it's bananas.

00:24:10.240 And yet, perfect, perfect.

00:24:14.080 Everything I know today, all the people I know,

00:24:16.000 the city I live in, the relationships, the wins,

00:24:18.480 perfectly timed any one of these things that happen any sooner i wouldn't have been ready

00:24:24.400 going on ed milan's podcast i shared on the pod i wasn't ready three four five years ago tony robbins

00:24:29.760 speaking on stage a year prior i wouldn't have had the experience i needed to be able to be in

00:24:34.720 that environment in a virtual environment the first talk i ever gave 40 foot ceilings tv cameras

00:24:39.520 all that stuff it was crazy but i had the reps sometimes we feel in the moment that that failure

00:24:45.360 means I failed and I'm telling you, it's not.

00:24:47.500 You learn the lesson, you move forward

00:24:49.200 and you will wake up in the long run

00:24:50.980 and realize that was what you needed to be successful.

00:24:53.320 Number 35, friends come into your life

00:24:55.400 for a reason, season or lifetime.

00:24:58.300 And understanding the difference is a beautiful thing.

00:25:00.800 For example, just cause you went to high school

00:25:03.060 with somebody 27 years ago

00:25:05.360 and you haven't seen them in 20 years

00:25:07.280 does not mean that you have to still be friends

00:25:09.120 with them on Facebook.

00:25:10.000 Just saying.

00:25:10.880 I continuously curate,

00:25:12.760 especially when the birthday notifications come up,

00:25:14.660 I'm like, why am I friends with this person?

00:25:16.380 I don't know them.

00:25:17.240 I've just accepted that some people come into my life

00:25:19.640 for a reason, they teach me something.

00:25:21.460 It might be a hard lesson,

00:25:22.800 it might not be fun at the moment, but I learn something.

00:25:25.040 Other friends come into my life for a season,

00:25:27.280 maybe a specific phase of my life,

00:25:28.980 my relationship status or the journey I'm on

00:25:31.960 and the kind of work I'm doing,

00:25:33.100 that's a season, a city I live in, that's totally fine.

00:25:35.780 And then there's those people,

00:25:37.300 I don't know if you've ever felt this,

00:25:38.400 but I know it's true for me,

00:25:39.340 where I meet them and I go, this is a lifetime person.

00:25:42.700 This is somebody who's got a big heart,

00:25:44.360 incredibly talented, cheerleader,

00:25:46.440 somebody I want in my life for the rest of my life.

00:25:48.320 And those people you have to cherish.

00:25:49.980 My mom used to say, if you could just find five people,

00:25:53.120 fill up one hand, folks that you would consider best friends,

00:25:56.440 that you lived an incredible life,

00:25:58.400 that that was a life fulfilled.

00:26:00.280 And I just think, that's what I'm always looking for.

00:26:02.120 And I use the fact that some people

00:26:04.300 need to be removed out of my life, the reason or season,

00:26:06.780 so that I can make space for those that are a lifetime.

00:26:09.700 Number 36, what you focus on expands.

00:26:12.560 It's just true.

00:26:13.120 focus stands for follow one course until successful if you want to win focus focus means the decision

00:26:18.960 to go all in focus means that you say no to 99 of the stuff focus means that you've given yourself

00:26:24.880 no other option when you hear burn the boats the boats have been exploded there is no other option

00:26:30.080 there's only one potential outcome and it's winning and when you do that when you focus on

00:26:35.200 it it will expand see most people want their bank accounts to expand but they don't focus on them

00:26:39.360 they haven't looked at their bank account they don't measure it they don't look at it i look

00:26:42.240 at all of my goals three four times a day why what i focus on expands if i want these things to come

00:26:47.360 true i got to get eyes on them i got to connect with them say does any of my time in my calendar

00:26:51.760 reflect these priorities so don't tell me that you want to expand your life if you don't focus

00:26:56.480 on the activities that actually would do that number 37 the freest person in the room is the

00:27:01.120 person with no secrets if you think about it the person that has no secrets nothing they're ashamed

00:27:05.840 about nothing that nobody knows about they are open about who they are then they walk around

00:27:11.040 with this lightness. There's no ego. They're not sarcastic. They're not jokey. I mean, I see these

00:27:16.420 people and I know they're hiding stuff. Why would you say that? Why would you act that way? Why would

00:27:20.080 you have to wear that? Why would you look this way? When somebody says something to me, I asked

00:27:23.480 myself, why did they want me to know that? And oftentimes it's because they're trying to hide

00:27:27.180 something. The more you do the shadow work, it's called, the more you go to the depths of the bottom

00:27:32.260 of the sea and you investigate what's down there and you give yourself permission to bring it to

00:27:37.240 the surface and get some sunlight on it, you will feel so free. And if you're feeling like a prisoner

00:27:43.580 of your life, it's probably because you haven't done that work. Number 38, don't make the mistake

00:27:48.720 of becoming good at something you hate. I see people all the time. They're like, I'm not good

00:27:52.980 with numbers. I'm going to go become great at numbers. No, you don't have to. You need to be

00:27:56.160 able to do something with it, especially if it's part of your work, but you don't have to be good

00:28:00.820 at it. I can be in business and not be good at something. I could own a restaurant and not be a

00:28:06.000 good cook. I could own a mechanic shop and not know how to change my own tires. And what's crazy

00:28:10.780 is that I could go learn how to do that, but I probably hate myself having to spend the time

00:28:14.320 to learn that because I can't see how it would add any value to my life, especially if I'm going

00:28:17.740 to eat at the restaurant and get the mechanics at my shop to change my tires. Too often, people

00:28:22.120 spend a lot of time trying to get good at stuff they don't enjoy at all, and that holds them back

00:28:28.320 from spending the time on things that they could actually be exceptional at because they love to do

00:28:32.200 it. That's a better trade. Number 39, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. It doesn't

00:28:37.940 matter what life you're going to live, where you come from, you will feel pain, period, full stop.

00:28:44.420 However, suffering is an option because suffering shows up when you don't have purpose. If you don't

00:28:50.200 have a reason for why you're going through the pain, suffering is going to show up. Number 40,

00:28:54.820 be blissfully dissatisfied with where you're at in life. It's okay to be dissatisfied with your

00:29:00.460 accomplishments so far in your life it's okay to say hey i think i can do better it doesn't mean

00:29:04.760 you're not grateful for where you're at it just means that you know your potential and you want

00:29:09.180 to create and there's opportunity for you to be better at creating i always tell people we're here

00:29:13.880 to become the best version of ourselves our 10.0 selves in that journey we then show up and we share

00:29:19.360 ourselves with others it doesn't mean the desire to do more that we're not grateful for what we

00:29:24.380 have it just means that we're blissfully happily joyfully dissatisfied with our situation because

00:29:29.560 we know we can do more. And that pursuit of growth is actually where fulfillment comes from.

00:29:34.360 Number 41, your work ethic is a reflection of your gratitude. I see people that say they want

00:29:39.880 big things. They have big dreams, big goals, and they show up small, small action, small consistency,

00:29:45.700 small attitude. It's crazy. Yet they want big things. Here's my philosophy. The reason I get

00:29:50.260 up at four in the morning and I work really hard and I show up and I do write by other people

00:29:53.720 is because my work ethic is a hundred percent of reflection of my gratitude for my life.

00:29:58.100 The reason I show up is not from a place of lack.

00:30:00.580 It's from a place of contribution.

00:30:02.280 I feel personally, I've been given this frigging opportunity

00:30:05.320 to do good, to help other people.

00:30:07.160 I don't wanna waste it.

00:30:08.380 My creator said, hey, you've got these skills.

00:30:10.760 I've given them to you.

00:30:11.600 You worked on them.

00:30:12.640 Please use them.

00:30:13.560 And guess what?

00:30:14.200 Because I do, more great stuff comes into my life.

00:30:16.900 Because I'm useful, I'm giving more things

00:30:18.920 that I can use to do more.

00:30:21.100 Number 42, if you don't learn to love the work,

00:30:23.740 success will always escape you.

00:30:25.680 See, there's a saying that says,

00:30:26.780 the person who loves to walk will walk further than the person that's motivated by the destination

00:30:31.540 and that's true the person who learns to fall in love with the process the infinite game of life

00:30:37.960 of showing up every day to do the work because the work instills the worth my self-worth is going to

00:30:43.120 be a byproduct of me showing up and loving that process that i'll get results in my life because

00:30:49.420 whether i got them or i didn't get them i'm still going to do the work and that's what happens a lot

00:30:53.100 of people they fall in love with the destination they fall in love with the money they fall in

00:30:56.580 love with the accolades and then they get them and then they set up shop they stop growing they

00:31:01.260 stop grinding because the whole point for them at the time was to get to this place and now they

00:31:05.840 got something to lose but they forgot that it wasn't the place they were trying to get to or

00:31:10.140 the thing they were trying to get it was who they became along the process that is the work you

00:31:14.760 should fall in love with you should fall in love with the process of becoming more that'll set you

00:31:18.740 up for an incredible life number 43 peace begins when expectations end most people can't delegate

00:31:25.320 ask for help, share anything with somebody else

00:31:27.900 because they have expectations

00:31:29.200 about how that person will perform,

00:31:30.640 what they should say back to them.

00:31:32.040 And the truth is, is your inner peace will only begin

00:31:35.720 when you don't have expectations from anybody around you.

00:31:38.620 When you don't expect the world to be a certain way,

00:31:40.720 that's where peace is.

00:31:41.560 I don't care what happens in the politics

00:31:43.120 or in the geopolitics or in the government.

00:31:45.280 I am grateful for what I have because guess what?

00:31:48.440 They're in a different scenario, different situation,

00:31:50.240 different place I was born.

00:31:51.460 I wouldn't even have these.

00:31:52.460 How about we just get grateful

00:31:54.260 and have peace with what I have.

00:31:55.580 That's where my expectations are.

00:31:57.060 My expectations are on me because I can control that.

00:31:58.940 Number 44, don't compare your chapter one

00:32:01.760 to somebody else's chapter 44.

00:32:04.260 A long time ago, I realized that in the game of success,

00:32:08.180 there are different chapters, different ages.

00:32:10.460 If you think about it,

00:32:11.300 how long have you been consuming content like this?

00:32:13.360 If you started last year, then you're at chapter one.

00:32:16.280 So for you to compare my chapter 44,

00:32:19.020 because I've been literally grinding my whole life

00:32:20.940 to try to be better, to overcome addiction,

00:32:22.680 come out some dark periods to finally having some success to then trying to help other people

00:32:27.240 for you to just start a year ago or not even start yet and compare yourself to me that's just

00:32:31.800 crazy it makes no sense and i just want you to understand that everybody out there in success

00:32:36.680 world you can't compare yourself to them they're not you and you're not them and they've been doing

00:32:40.840 it for a different amount of time and the truth is comparison is a thief of joy are you better

00:32:45.240 today than you were yesterday even a little tiny bit if you are rejoice be grateful for where you're

00:32:50.040 at be proud of yourself if you want to learn the eight money rules i wish i knew in my 20s click

00:32:54.600 the link and i'll see you on the other side

Dan Martell - December 10, 2024

44 Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew at 24

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