Dan Martell - 7 Skills You Need to Become Successful

00:00:00.000 In the next few minutes, I'm gonna share with you

00:00:01.800 how to actually improve your people skills,

00:00:04.340 even if you're an introvert like I was.

00:00:06.120 These are the strategies that took me

00:00:07.800 from an awkward, nerdy programmer

00:00:10.000 to raising money from Mark Cuban

00:00:12.060 and skiing with Richard Branson.

00:00:13.800 So if you wanna stop feeling awkward and start connecting,

00:00:16.720 this is how you do it.

00:00:17.960 Starting with remembering names.

00:00:19.900 Now I know, you're like, oh, I've heard this before.

00:00:22.040 No, you haven't.

00:00:22.860 Truth is, if you forget somebody's name

00:00:24.740 and you call them buddy,

00:00:25.960 they're probably not gonna like you.

00:00:27.120 They definitely won't show you any respect.

00:00:29.000 And if you want respect from other people,

00:00:30.900 you must first show respect.

00:00:32.640 Now, I got this crazy idea for how to remember names

00:00:35.000 that'll make it foolproof for you.

00:00:36.460 I like to think of a weapon I would use 1.00

00:00:38.940 to kill them with their name. 1.00

00:00:40.040 I know, this is weird. 1.00

00:00:41.220 But like for Aaron, it would be an ax.

00:00:43.860 For Sam, it would be a saw.

00:00:46.000 And I play this little game in my head,

00:00:47.660 and it's funny because making it so wild

00:00:50.460 actually makes it really easy to remember.

00:00:53.400 I don't know why, it's just a little trick.

00:00:55.000 I've been doing it for a long time.

00:00:55.940 No, I'm not a psychopath.

00:00:56.860 I'm just telling you, somebody said it to me once,

00:00:58.400 I said, that's really smart.

00:01:00.000 Now, I do have a backup

00:01:02.080 because I literally meet thousands of people per month.

00:01:05.700 I'm not even joking.

00:01:06.640 I do social media events

00:01:07.760 and there's hundreds of people there

00:01:08.920 and I introduce myself to everyone

00:01:10.580 and I'm trying to learn their names.

00:01:12.620 I think it's really important.

00:01:13.940 So my backup is this,

00:01:15.080 if I'm with my wife or I'm with a friend

00:01:17.320 and I meet somebody and I introduce them

00:01:19.700 to the person I know,

00:01:21.160 they know to ask the person's name

00:01:23.500 because that tells them I forgot their name.

00:01:25.760 But here's the ultimate secret.

00:01:27.360 when people tell me, but Dan,

00:01:28.920 I just have a hard time remembering names.

00:01:31.300 No, you don't.

00:01:32.260 You don't have a hard time remembering names.

00:01:33.620 You have a problem with making it important.

00:01:36.920 If I told you this person you just met,

00:01:39.340 if you could remember their name in 12 months,

00:01:41.300 and if you did, I would give you a million dollars cash,

00:01:44.340 my gut tells me you would 100% remember their name.

00:01:47.460 So what's the difference?

00:01:48.980 Your desire.

00:01:50.180 And if you can lean into that,

00:01:51.920 you will make this a second nature skill

00:01:54.380 and it will separate you from everybody else.

00:01:57.360 But once you've opened up a conversation, most people try too hard to sound smart.

00:02:01.980 And connection only happens when you stop talking and start asking.

00:02:06.320 I remember one time a buddy of mine texted me and says, can I get 15 minutes of your time?

00:02:09.620 I was like, yeah, no problem.

00:02:10.980 Let me know if I can be helped.

00:02:11.780 And we get on the call and I sat there for 14 minutes and 30 seconds listening to him

00:02:17.620 talk, talk, talk.

00:02:20.000 And I only had 15 minutes and then I had to go.

00:02:22.780 And at the very end, I said, hey, man, I appreciate the context, but how can I help?

00:02:26.240 he wasn't prepared he talked for most of the time and his question that he had wasn't even a really

00:02:31.800 good question see what i've learned is most people are not prepared to have the conversation most

00:02:36.520 people are not prepared to interact with other people and because of that they sometimes come

00:02:40.460 off as awkward so this is something one of my billionaire mentors said to me because i watched

00:02:44.700 him interact with dozens of people at dinner once and he didn't say one thing about himself he said

00:02:49.780 i could talk about me dan but i already know everything i know i want to know what other

00:02:54.320 people want to know. I thought that was so fascinating. The way we do that is by asking

00:02:59.280 questions. That's why I teach the 70-20-10 rule. 70% you want to be listening because you've asked

00:03:04.920 really good questions and just sit back. The other 20% of the time you want to be talking because

00:03:09.640 you're answering their questions because that's what's going to happen after you ask them a good

00:03:12.800 question. And the other 10% is offering ways to help. See, when you ask questions that are very

00:03:18.560 pointed and directional, then you can find opportunities to essentially make introductions

00:03:23.240 or offer your services or just honestly be a listening ear.

00:03:27.760 Some people think that like,

00:03:29.280 I can't be helpful because I'm not that impressive.

00:03:31.880 No, you can just by saying, wow, that's amazing

00:03:34.640 or that's really impressive

00:03:35.940 or you should be proud of yourself.

00:03:37.180 Whatever you wanna be, the cheerleader, the supporter,

00:03:40.200 that 10% is how you actually create connection with people.

00:03:42.860 It actually reminds me of a call I had the other day

00:03:45.180 where I was talking to a company I was involved in

00:03:47.220 and they were having a financial issue.

00:03:49.120 It was around structuring some financing

00:03:50.520 and I knew the perfect person

00:03:52.660 with my billionaire mentor, Tom.

00:03:54.260 And I messaged Tom and I said,

00:03:56.140 hey, Tom, here's the situation.

00:03:57.860 I gave him the bullet points.

00:03:59.000 If you have seven minutes,

00:04:00.400 I'd love to get your perspective on this.

00:04:02.660 And he was at a hockey game

00:04:03.800 and he said, I'll call you when I'm done.

00:04:05.200 And I'm at a Starbucks

00:04:06.200 and I walk outside when he calls and I answer.

00:04:08.700 And I sit there and I listen to him give me advice.

00:04:11.880 And then I asked him a few questions

00:04:13.160 and he gave me more advice.

00:04:14.320 He then gave me some different perspectives,

00:04:16.020 some different concept.

00:04:16.880 I asked one or two other questions

00:04:18.000 and then we were done.

00:04:19.160 when I hung up and I looked at my phone, it said seven minutes. I remember texting him right after

00:04:23.820 and I said, how did I do exactly seven minutes with the screenshot? I think that's a perfect flow

00:04:27.300 of trying to connect with somebody that obviously knows more and not wasting their time. So these

00:04:31.760 are just a few questions that you will see me ask all the time when I meet somebody new. First off,

00:04:37.120 how did you get started? I'm genuinely curious. If you've built something magical or achieved

00:04:41.260 something great, I want to know where did it come from? And it turns out people love to talk about

00:04:45.680 themselves. I know I do. So ask them that question. Second one is if you're at an event or you're at

00:04:51.420 a dinner party, you're at somebody's house, just ask them, how do you know this person? The other

00:04:55.740 day I was in Austin with one of my team members opt-in and he was being a little awkward with

00:05:00.260 people he was meeting. And I was like, bro, just ask them how they know Dan and watch them tell

00:05:05.540 you this story. And then from there, you can be more curious, but everything else you're doing

00:05:10.220 prior to that is kind of weird. Funny is the next day I went for a run with my buddy, Wes

00:05:14.180 and opt-in first question he asked him hey Wes how do you know Dan and Wes went off for six seven

00:05:19.220 minutes telling about our story things that I didn't even know about who he knew that knew me

00:05:23.500 and how we actually got connected was actually kind of interesting and Wes and opt-in built a

00:05:27.760 relationship from that the biggest cheat code to asking questions is alternating between how

00:05:33.280 and what questions but people skills aren't just about what's said you'll get way further ahead if

00:05:39.860 communicate energy over ideas now if you've ever met me and you asked me hey dan how's it going

00:05:45.140 you will always hear me say i'm amazing incredible wow and the reason why is because that sets the

00:05:53.140 energy and now i might have had a really tough morning i will still say incredible see people

00:05:58.500 won't remember what you said the facts the information the stories the details but they'll

00:06:02.980 always remember how you made them feel and if you're somebody every time i see you you're

00:06:07.060 smiling you're energetic you're feeling good about life you're grateful that's somebody i want around

00:06:12.340 me what's fascinating is i see a lot of young people worry about not being that valuable or

00:06:18.420 having skills that are interesting to other people or have done anything exciting with their life

00:06:22.740 i have a buddy literally every time i talk to him he's got a government job he's doing great in his

00:06:27.380 life he's doing his thing but he is excited for me he's genuinely curious when i tell him about a

00:06:32.740 win he's like hell yeah bro i can't believe you did that that's crazy i remember i went and i

00:06:36.900 interviewed dana white from the ufc and he was the first person i called afterwards why because i knew

00:06:42.260 he would be the most excited for me being a positive force in somebody's life is valuable

00:06:47.620 now i know this is hard for introverts watching but bear with me the easiest thing we can be for

00:06:53.060 other people is positive there's actually this scientific word called dispositional optimism

00:06:58.740 and is essentially you being a person that defaults to optimistic perspectives on the world

00:07:03.460 or what i call api assume positive intent find the good in every situation so even if you're a little

00:07:10.820 introverted and you get energy taken from you and interact with people when you do talk to them just

00:07:15.780 be positive about the situation this is what i tell people when they're like how do i increase

00:07:20.180 my energy first off prime yourself before i walk into a room especially if it's an important room

00:07:25.540 I do push-ups. I do air squats. I jump up and down. I do breath work. I have a mental mantra.

00:07:31.140 I repeat to myself. I want to prime my mind and my body to be available to the people I'm about

00:07:36.860 to interact with. Second thing is I want to increase my volume. I don't yell, but I project.

00:07:42.600 I talk. I'm clear. I emphasize the syllables on the words. See what I'm doing there? And trust me,

00:07:48.820 as somebody that has a habit of talking really fast and then not clear, I've learned to slow it

00:07:53.580 down but say it with more precision the other thing i do is i talk with passion you know the

00:08:00.140 truth is is i don't want to talk about stuff i'm not interested in so i don't do surface level if

00:08:04.860 you ask me about the weather i'm gonna ask about your deepest wounds no i'm just kidding i don't

00:08:08.620 go there too quick but i'm just saying like talk about the things you love talk about the exciting

00:08:13.980 project you worked on on the weekend talk about your new idea talk about the possibility of ai

00:08:18.380 that gets people going but communicate passion in your language if what you say is muted or flat

00:08:25.100 it just doesn't have the opportunity to connect with people but it's not enough to just amp up

00:08:29.420 your energy you have to be careful to read the room it's kind of like merging onto the highway

00:08:35.180 if you're in your car if there's a lot of traffic like you gotta look you gotta decide who's going

00:08:39.740 at what speed and how do i comfortably merge into that lane if you're in a room and everybody's

00:08:46.540 talking and all of a sudden gets quiet you notice that people start dissipating maybe that's your

00:08:51.820 cue to exit stage left just the concept of understanding when a conversation is done

00:08:57.500 and being first to acknowledge that moving on will allow you to remain as somebody who can

00:09:03.180 read the room you're not sitting there awkwardly i mean i can't tell you like most nice people are

00:09:07.820 not going to tell you to leave but at the same time if the reason you came to have the conversation

00:09:11.900 is done just be like i appreciate the time and move on you don't have to sit there and wait to

00:09:15.900 be dismissed the other big idea is to understand there's a difference how you communicate in a big

00:09:21.180 room versus one-on-one you know it's kind of like the same difference between talking to buddies or

00:09:26.620 co-workers versus your grandma you know when i do my king's club program because of the energy of

00:09:31.340 these 15 16 year old young men i'm slowing things down i'm getting down on their level i'm looking

00:09:36.540 them in the eyes which is completely different than if i'm talking to like high tech very motivated

00:09:42.060 very successful tech entrepreneurs where I'm like look guys this is what we need to do you

00:09:46.440 understand it and this is the path different energies based on reading the room so the one

00:09:51.260 hack that I have around this is the concept of pause and observe sometimes if you sit back you

00:09:56.960 may look and say oh there's an introvert maybe this person needs to be pulled into the conversation

00:10:01.720 or you might see somebody else that's like me and talky talky talky and go oh I'm gonna stand over

00:10:07.000 there and just listen and find an opportunity to amplify or add value or give a compliment

00:10:12.320 understanding what's going on in the room and just adjusting your energy to those people

00:10:17.740 is a game-changing move but most people totally underestimate how to use their words to open

00:10:24.140 other people up and this is how a simple comment can feed their ego it was actually interesting

00:10:30.300 the other night i had dinner with somebody i hadn't met before and they made a comment about

00:10:34.220 my King's Club program and made a genuine compliment. The fact that they noticed, paid

00:10:39.400 attention and gave me that compliment made me like them more. It's just human nature. So use it

00:10:44.680 in your favor. This is an interesting thing I've learned on this topic is that for you to give a

00:10:49.800 genuine compliment to somebody, you have to state something that they also believe to be true.

00:10:54.960 For my kids, for example, I might say, you know, watching you play with your friends and always

00:10:59.620 laughing is awesome. And that's how I know you're such a good friend to them. See, if I just say

00:11:03.980 they're such a good friend to them, they might dismiss that. If I say that I notice you're

00:11:07.240 always playing and laughing with your friends, they go, yeah, that's true. And then I make the

00:11:11.040 compliment, then it connects it. That's a very advanced move that nobody talks about. See,

00:11:15.280 the truth is, is most people give compliments that they could say to anyone, like your content's

00:11:20.160 great, or you have nice blue eyes. No, I'm just kidding. They don't say that to me, to my face,

00:11:24.320 but they do say it in my DMs. Inappropriate, but I just think like being genuine and trying to find

00:11:30.400 something that is unique to them and not so obvious is actually the move make it specific

00:11:37.200 something detailed show them that you're paying attention compliment the effort you know when i'm

00:11:42.560 hiking a mountain and my kids are like stressed out and freaking out about like how much further

00:11:46.160 we go i just stop and i say hey look at the look how far we've come this is incredible like you

00:11:50.800 should be really proud of yourself for the distance we've traveled so far even though they're feeling

00:11:55.280 a little beat up from how far they got to go and then you got to follow it up you got to ask them

00:11:59.360 a question of interest you got to say like hey i just want you to know i'm really impressed with

00:12:03.440 what i've been hearing from your team you know they say that you're somebody that leads with

00:12:06.560 integrity and heart how did you get started and you say the compliment and then you ask them a

00:12:10.960 question you want to bridge or you might say hey it's so crazy every time i talk to people who know

00:12:16.000 you well always say the same thing they say that you're kind and you're generous and you give a lot

00:12:21.120 i'm just curious like when you built this business did you ever face adversity and challenges that

00:12:26.320 that almost made you question to keep going?

00:12:28.340 See, asking a question on the backside of a compliment

00:12:30.980 makes the person realize that you pay attention

00:12:33.660 and you are genuinely interested in their answer.

00:12:36.200 But creating value for people isn't just about what you say.

00:12:39.520 If you want next level connections,

00:12:41.660 you have to be the connector.

00:12:44.140 Not too long ago, I was in Austin attending a Ferrari event

00:12:46.640 at the track there at Coda.

00:12:48.080 And one of the things I like to do is as soon as I walk in,

00:12:50.700 go up to somebody I don't know, introduce myself,

00:12:53.280 ask them how they got connected to the group,

00:12:55.620 what kind of car they're driving,

00:12:56.580 obviously relevant questions to what I'm doing.

00:12:59.140 And then once I get to know who they are,

00:13:00.880 I'll go and introduce myself to somebody new

00:13:02.760 and then I'll ask them if they know the first person.

00:13:05.140 So I come in, I meet a guy named John.

00:13:07.260 I ask all about John, turns out he has a really cool car.

00:13:09.860 He's got several Ferraris.

00:13:11.280 And then I go meet Marty and I'm talking to Marty

00:13:13.560 and it turns out his car is the same car as John's got.

00:13:16.500 And I said, well, do you know John?

00:13:17.440 He goes, no, I don't know John.

00:13:18.360 I said, well, Marty, let me introduce you to John.

00:13:20.120 So I go over there, I introduce him to Marty

00:13:22.040 and John, they start talking

00:13:24.040 and I noticed his wife was standing there 0.73

00:13:25.400 and she wasn't saying anything.

00:13:26.300 And I said, hey, I'm Dan.

00:13:27.240 She goes, oh, I'm Sarah.

00:13:28.040 And I said, so nice to meet you.

00:13:28.960 Is John your husband?

00:13:29.800 Well, he is.

00:13:30.600 So fun that you're here watching this.

00:13:32.540 And then I just kept going around the room doing this.

00:13:35.020 And by the end of it,

00:13:36.160 I had connected everybody to each other.

00:13:38.640 Ferrari appreciated this so much.

00:13:40.500 They said, if you're ever in town,

00:13:42.120 even if you don't have your car here,

00:13:43.720 let us know, we'd love to have you back.

00:13:45.740 That is the value you can bring

00:13:47.700 by doing nothing more than connecting people to each other.

00:13:51.740 Doesn't matter what you say,

00:13:53.220 doesn't matter what you've done,

00:13:54.380 doesn't matter what you've got,

00:13:56.140 the ability to connect people to each other is the value.

00:13:59.420 Here's a wild idea.

00:14:01.260 I believe every person is one conversation away

00:14:04.500 from achieving their dreams.

00:14:06.320 I've seen this happen over and over again

00:14:08.180 from the way I've met a business partner

00:14:10.120 to finding opportunities.

00:14:12.100 I'm about to buy a house in another country

00:14:13.840 and it all came because of a dinner conversation

00:14:16.240 at an event that I didn't even expect to meet the person

00:14:19.020 that could make that happen.

00:14:20.060 That is the power of conversations.

00:14:22.680 So these are my favorite ways

00:14:23.860 to introduce people to each other.

00:14:25.780 First off, I like to be the wingman.

00:14:28.040 So if I'm there with my co-founder

00:14:29.960 or somebody I work with,

00:14:31.440 when I go meet somebody new,

00:14:32.700 I ask them if they met that person.

00:14:34.760 And if they say, no, I haven't met them first.

00:14:36.040 And then I brag them up.

00:14:37.400 I talk about them.

00:14:38.220 I was at South by Southwest back in the day

00:14:40.620 with my co-founder, Ethan.

00:14:42.280 And I did this thing where I would go up the hallway

00:14:44.180 we were walking down and I'd meet somebody new.

00:14:46.460 And I say, well, have you met Ethan,

00:14:47.940 my co-founder from Flowtown yet?

00:14:49.180 And they go, no.

00:14:49.800 And I go, oh my gosh, he'll never tell you this.

00:14:52.140 but he's a genius.

00:14:53.080 He literally started off as a freestyle rapper.

00:14:55.340 He's got his degree in economics

00:14:56.640 and he's the technical mind,

00:14:58.760 even though he's the business CEO of this product,

00:15:01.240 he would never tell you this, 0.98

00:15:02.380 but he is a freaking genius. 0.97

00:15:03.860 And then he'd walk up and I'd be like, 0.97

00:15:05.120 oh, this is Ethan.

00:15:05.900 And the person would be like,

00:15:06.660 oh, Ethan, so nice to meet you.

00:15:08.240 And he'd be like, why is everybody so friendly to me?

00:15:10.300 And I'm like, dude, I brag you up big time.

00:15:12.500 It is probably my favorite thing to do.

00:15:14.680 The other way is to create a bridge,

00:15:16.140 is to find an uncommon commonality.

00:15:18.900 My buddy, Jason Gaynard, he has this event called MMT.

00:15:21.360 he does this at the highest level so when he organizes event he literally organized a whole

00:15:26.920 room and every person is sitting next to another person because he's created a bridge between things

00:15:32.600 he knows about them and the person sitting next to them i'm talking weird things like he sat these

00:15:37.580 two people together because they're both pilots these three people together because they all have

00:15:41.140 olympic medals it's wild for him to do that and he doesn't tell you why but you know that he's

00:15:46.020 created a bridge and then you're talking to the people sitting next to you searching for the reason

00:15:49.540 he sat you next to them.

00:15:51.100 It's one of the coolest things to watch

00:15:52.660 and one of my favorite things to do for other people.

00:15:54.780 The other thing is to reopen a story.

00:15:57.020 If you know a friend of yours got a crazy story,

00:15:59.580 ask them to share it.

00:16:00.740 It creates an opportunity for them to tell a crazy story

00:16:02.880 that might create connection and relevance

00:16:05.200 or just have a good time amongst the people

00:16:07.580 that might be standing there.

00:16:08.460 And then the last pro tip is asking questions

00:16:11.820 to get to a place where you can figure out

00:16:14.320 what they need most in their life

00:16:15.780 and then offering a connection to somebody you know.

00:16:18.500 somebody that can solve it that is probably my favorite ways to add value because i know i don't

00:16:23.900 know everything but i do know a lot of people and they know everything so being able to ask somebody

00:16:29.340 like oh are you running an event there do you know anybody that's in that city no let me connect you

00:16:33.100 to the person or hey it sounds like you're having a hard time with facebook marketing my buddy is

00:16:37.220 one of the world's best did you want an introduction just this morning i texted a friend that was

00:16:40.880 working on some estate planning stuff super technical tax stuff guess what not an expert

00:16:45.800 my buddy garrett gunderson the world's expert so i made the introduction that is one of the best

00:16:51.420 ways to increase your people skills and not be awkward if anything add the most value to the

00:16:56.440 person around you but the biggest problem i see people make is overthinking and if you want to

00:17:01.260 set up every interaction to win don't hesitate now do you remember when you were single maybe

00:17:06.120 you are today and you walked into a bar and you saw a beautiful person and you're like oh my gosh

00:17:09.600 i can't believe they're here who is that person i need to talk to them not yet i'm not i need a

00:17:13.240 drink first you know you kind of like stop and wait the problem is they saw you in the room and

00:17:17.780 an hour later when you finally build up the courage and you go over there it's kind of out of the blue

00:17:22.160 and a little awkward the best thing you could possibly do when you walk in the room and you

00:17:25.700 see somebody you want to talk to boom hit him up and i would love to tell you that i'm good at this

00:17:30.060 i'm still working on it the other day i was at an event and i saw somebody really famous that i've

00:17:34.020 always wanted to talk to and even sam on my team's like hey dan he's over there go talk to him and

00:17:38.060 i'm like i don't want to talk to him i what am i gonna say he's like go talk to him and i'm like

00:17:41.260 I don't want to talk to him. He's like, dude, go talk to him. You said you wanted to meet him.

00:17:44.780 And I was like, I need a reason, bro. I can't come off as like Mr. Fanboy. I got to like

00:17:48.380 have an easy way to connect. I was wrong. He was right. I literally walked over there,

00:17:54.300 noticed a friend, said hi to my friend, looked at the person, introduced myself.

00:17:58.100 That person says my name. They know my content. And all of a sudden we had a 20 minute conversation.

00:18:03.100 If you go in right away without acting scared, you will build relationships that you didn't

00:18:08.380 even know you could have the other one is this philosophy i live by which is default to action

00:18:12.560 when you know on your heart you should go and do it no matter how you're feeling because i believe

00:18:17.560 this every moment of hesitation is a moment lost forever you have to be prepared if you have great

00:18:23.240 questions to go to then that helps being curious is a no-brainer asking a person have you always

00:18:28.880 felt this way have you always thought this way you know what are details about the event follow

00:18:33.160 up with other questions ask them to tell you a story why because it takes time to tell a story

00:18:38.860 but if you say is your favorite color blue the only answer they can give you is a yes or no

00:18:43.160 the conversation stops see what i'm saying now i know what i just shared might feel like a little

00:18:48.620 overwhelming and a bit of a master class and how to do this and now you gotta like where do i put

00:18:52.640 my hands and how do i smile and do i come up right away i get that you're probably feeling

00:18:56.980 like it's a little chaotic here's what i want you to know your intention your heart is felt before

00:19:02.820 you ever show up in the room and it's felt way before you ever say a word out of your mouth so

00:19:08.420 if you just show up with a kind heart with the desire to help with no ulterior motive that energy

00:19:14.020 will be felt by the person and you will come across as confident kind and supportive and

00:19:19.300 those people win big in life now if you feel ambitious but lazy click here and i'll see another

00:19:24.740 side.

Dan Martell - June 27, 2025

7 Skills You Need to Become Successful

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