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Dan Martell
- October 11, 2024
Brutally Honest Advice for Young Men
Episode Stats
Length
22 minutes
Words per Minute
216.17726
Word Count
4,849
Sentence Count
289
Misogynist Sentences
1
Summary
Summaries generated with
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.
Transcript
Transcript generated with
Whisper
(
turbo
).
Misogyny classifications generated with
MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny
.
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There's a lot of bad advice out there for men on the internet and it frustrates me because being the
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father of two boys and running one of the largest youth programs for young men in my city, I've seen
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the results of every kid being one caring adult away from becoming a success story. So I'm going
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to explain principles, although some are controversial, that are important for any young
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man to understand. Number one is you're responsible for your life. No one's going to do it for you.
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No one's coming to save you. No one's going to give you anything. You work or you suffer. It's
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your reality. I have a lot of kids, 18 to 20 year olds that are reaching out, messaging me, asking
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me for a job, but they never ask themselves, maybe I should do the job first. Maybe I should present
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my skills. Maybe I should be an example of what I'm doing. It's almost like they want me
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to save them. You have to take control of your life and do the work before anybody's going to
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pay you for the work. I think most kids are taught this in school. They're taught if I can just show
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up, sit in a classroom, not even do the work, I'll get a passing grade. There's this new rule I found
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out in one of my kids' schools. They don't fail kids anymore. It's like not a thing they do. They'll
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give them extra support. They'll keep them around for the summer, but they don't fail kids anymore.
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And then they come into the job market wondering, how is my employer going to train me up and give
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me all the skills that I need to do the work? If you want to be in sales, if you want to be a video
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editor, if you want to be a marketer, go learn the skill, show that you've got it. You can do it. If
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you think somebody else is going to do it for you, you're missing the plot. Now, before we move on to
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number two, we've got a goal as a team to hit 500,000 subs. So if you haven't already, click
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subscribe. It only takes a second, which brings us to number two, which is do what's unpopular.
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If you want an extraordinary life, you need to be extra. It's very simple for me. Whatever your
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friends are doing, you have to do the opposite. It sounds crazy, but if your friends are going
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out on weekends, do the opposite. If your friends drink all the time, do the opposite.
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If everyone around you is watching TV after school instead of working on bettering themselves,
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do the opposite. There's no way that you're going to be somebody that stands out by not doing things
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that stand out. So if you look around and everybody's doing the same thing, you're doing
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it wrong. It reminds me of this quote, which is that the extra mile is often empty because very
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few people are willing to do it. It's your opportunity to differentiate yourself. If you
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want a life that's different than everybody else's, your parents, the people at school,
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your friends, honestly, you have to act different. You have to make different choices,
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which is the premise of doing something that's hard because you're going to go against what is
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the norm. People are going to judge you for it, but that's actually the right way to go.
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And eventually you'll find people that are also doing it and it makes it less lonely. But at first
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you have to be willing to do things
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that other people will not understand.
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People shy away from it
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because it requires you to feel lonely.
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It requires you to feel confused.
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You're like, I hope this works out.
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Think about going to the gym.
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Like if you're tracking your macros,
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if you're tracking your training
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and you're being disciplined
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and you don't miss what you committed to,
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which nobody does,
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you're going to have results very few people have.
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Life works the exact same way.
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Which brings us to number three,
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which is begin with the end in mind.
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In the book, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill,
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the first chapter is all about having an aim,
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a focus, a target, a primary aim,
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something that is so clear that when I wake up,
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I know, did I make progress towards that?
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The truth is, is most adults
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do not have a vision for their life.
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They don't even have a vision for their week.
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They don't even know why they do what they do.
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If you wanna separate yourself,
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then choose to have an aim.
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And again, you're gonna be like,
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well, I don't know what it is.
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it actually doesn't matter what it is. It's that you have it. So take 15 minutes and write it out.
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Think about the city you want to live in, the family you want to have in the future,
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the lifestyle you want to live. Where do you want to travel? Dream a little bit.
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Give yourself permission to write things on there that actually scare you, that freak you out,
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that you have zero idea how you're going to do. Trust having direction is the right move to be
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successful. And for those that like really feel stuck and you're like, I don't know if I could
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do this. My only question to you is, has anybody in your circumstance ever made it? If anybody in
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your city that looks like you, and maybe not even in the city, maybe just somebody in your specific
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situation, if they've ever made it, that's proof that you can do it as well. Use that to build the
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confidence. Use that to learn how they did it. Go find it. I remember one time I woke up and I was
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like, who are the successful people in my state? And I found out there were three billionaires
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that lived in my state all of them when i reached out to them took my call all of them they weren't
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on instagram they were hardly in the news and it took some work that to me is your opportunity most
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people that have had success the reason why is because they came from a place that was so bad
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that they had to work so hard to become a little bit of a success story a little bit more a little
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bit more they've been doing it for so long that you see them today and you're like impressed but
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but it's just because they've been at it for decades.
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Which brings us to number four,
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which is stop asking your parents for advice.
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It's a flawed strategy.
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And I love you parents.
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I know that your intentions are to love on your kids
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and be the best role models for them,
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but the truth is there's a good chance
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that you watching this, or if you're a parent,
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your kids want more than they've experienced
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in their current life.
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And the fact is it's unlikely that your parents
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will be able to give you the right strategies,
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the right advice to get there,
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because if they did, they'd have it.
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Instead, they're gonna give you the exact same advice
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they would use to get the life they have, which is not what you want. And I know that sounds harsh,
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but stop caring about what your parents think. Your parents just don't want to see you hurt.
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They don't want to see you fall off that bike. They don't want to see you kicked out of university.
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They don't want to see your heart broken. So they try to protect you. It's natural. Trust me,
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I have two boys. I'll probably do the same thing to them. But I've told them from the beginning,
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if you want to do something I haven't done, don't ask me for advice. It's the wrong strategy. I will
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help you find those people. I will put you in a position to talk to those people. But anytime you
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hear me giving you advice, it's flawed because I've never done that thing. So for example, my son
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wanted to start editing videos. I was like, dude, go talk to somebody on my media team. Like I'm not
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the person. Talk to Sam. Talk to Nick. Go learn the skill of approaching a stranger and asking
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them for advice. Because the reason why we turn to our parents is because they'll always give us
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advice. That's easy. Life of success requires you to do hard things. So don't take the easy route,
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especially when it's for big things like what university should I go to? Should I start a
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business? What should that business be? You want to get around people that have been there, done it,
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and they can give you the blueprint and it makes it easy. And best of all, it gives you the
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confidence, which brings us to number five, which is no one cares about your story until you win.
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so go win. When I left rehab after being there for 11 months and being a complete failure up
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until that point at 17 years old, I had one mission to go win so big that all the doubters
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couldn't doubt me because at first I wanted to tell everybody how incredible sobriety was. I
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wanted everybody to listen to me and the truth was is I hadn't done anything and it made me mad
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but could I really blame them? Why would they listen to me? I hadn't done anything because
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I've been sober for a few months. Like that's not impressive. Some of us get frustrated because
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people don't believe in our dreams. They don't believe in our potential. They are so negative
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about what we've done. We're trying to tell our story. We're trying to teach other people how
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we've had a little bit of success and we get upset, but you haven't done anything yet. Go win.
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It's right or wrong. It doesn't matter. Nobody's going to care about you, your story, what you've
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done until you win so big, people can't ignore you. Which brings us to number six, which is do
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what's hard for an easy life. There's a quote by Les Brown that says, if you want your life to be
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hard, do what's easy. If you want your life to be easy, do what's hard. Most young people are trying
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to do things that feel right, that are easy. The problem with that is that there's no reward on the
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other side of it, because if it was easy, everybody would do it. The concept of delayed gratification
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is the idea of being willing to be consistent
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for long periods of time without ever seeing proof
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that what you're after is materializing.
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It's like going to the gym.
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You gotta choose your heart.
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Go to the gym, choose your heart, develop your muscles.
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Those muscles have to come on the backside
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of you pushing yourself.
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When everything in your body says stop, you keep pushing.
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You know, in life, there's this thing
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called eustress and distress.
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Eustress is you deciding to create an environment
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where you're pushing yourself, long distance running,
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working out, starting your business.
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Distress is when the world happens to you
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and your perspective is that's not fair.
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I can't believe this person or this situation happened.
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See, the more we put ourselves in a position to do hard,
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when hard happens to us, it's easier.
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It's such a massive idea.
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Most adults don't get this.
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But I wanna ask you, how much can you sacrifice for tomorrow?
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How much are you willing to delay?
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How much are you willing to push?
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Can you dedicate yourself to 1,000 days of being better?
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It's less than three years,
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but you'd be surprised on the other side of that commitment
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how different your life would look.
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Which brings us to number seven,
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which is don't rely on others for your happiness.
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You know, when I started trying to get my fitness together,
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I was frustrated because people around me
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didn't really support me,
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but I honestly couldn't blame them
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because I didn't have proof of being consistent.
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It was yet another fad diet, another challenge, another race.
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And I used to get mad because how could the people that love me the most not support me
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in something that was going to improve my life? And then I realized this, if I could get to a
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place where nobody has to change for me to win, then all of a sudden I won't be emotionally
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distraught if those people didn't support me. And how crazy is that? If I can get to a place
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where I'm like, I understand why they don't support me, but I'm okay with it and it doesn't
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affect me. And that philosophy allowed me to not only get in the best shape of my life, absolutely
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shredded and jacked and working on being even better. I did it in a way where I didn't create
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emotional shrapnel for people around me. There was no arguments with other people. There was no
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debating my position. I just decided to do me. And the more I've shared this with other young
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men and just said, look, I get that you don't feel supported by your parents. Here's the reality.
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Nobody has to change for you to win.
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They don't have to change themselves.
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They don't have to understand who you are.
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They don't have to support you.
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You can go out there and be the example.
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Because here's what I've learned.
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When we're the lighthouse,
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when we are the example of what's possible,
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and we can do that for long periods of times,
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those people that judge us, that didn't support us,
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they eventually become our biggest fans.
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And when they're ready,
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they're gonna turn to you for advice.
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May never happen, but the day it does,
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it'll change your life.
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what's funny for me is when i started to try to be successful i kept looking for the easy thing
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the first time i started a company i wanted the bank to finance it i wanted employees to come and
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help me i wanted my family to understand and maybe even help out but unfortunately they didn't and i
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realized that i was always looking for easy when the truth was is the work was the work the work
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instilled the worth in me to develop the skills to become more that was actually the big unlock
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On the other side of that,
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I knew that I didn't need anything else
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to become more successful.
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Which brings us to number eight,
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which is stop wasting your time
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when it's the only thing you have.
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This one is gonna be controversial
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because you might be thinking,
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well, I'm doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing.
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I'm watching this video, I'm motivating myself,
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I'm reading my books.
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Look, vaping, porn, addiction, vices,
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drinking, smoking, all that stuff, yeah, stop that.
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Hanging out with people you shouldn't do, yeah, stop that.
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That's the easy stuff.
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I actually think some people are addicted to motivation porn.
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I think some of you just sit here on YouTube
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and watch a bunch of content to try to get going,
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but instead of doing the work.
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So your time is limited.
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You don't need six hours of podcasts.
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You don't need to buy another thing.
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You need to do the work.
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You need to push your life forward.
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You have to sit down and measure.
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You have to look at your calendar and go,
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where am I spending my time?
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I wasted a decade of my life doing things
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that didn't actually make anything better
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because I was trying to not feel,
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not be honest with myself, not do the work.
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There was no improvement in my life.
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And some of you guys might say,
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well, that, but it sounds like fun
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until you reflect on it and go, yeah, that was wasteful.
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The addiction of being addicted to motivation
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and shelf help is because it feels good and it feels right.
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But if you're honest with yourself,
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it's not moving anything forward.
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Waking up early tomorrow morning and attacking your work
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will always do more good for you
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than waking up early and scrolling motivational TikTok
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or Instagram, because that's just you lying to yourself.
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That's you saying, well, I'm learning
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and I'm using my car for education,
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all things I've told you, but not to the extreme,
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not to the point where hours go by and nothing got done.
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Treat your time like gold.
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Spend it with people that inspire you
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and do the work use it to provide value to other people because in doing so it's gonna come back
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which brings us to number nine which is become obsessed with investing in your skill set
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the world rewards value you have to create value in the world i got lucky when i was 17 i discovered
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computer programming and i did nothing else than write code and build software for five years heads
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down became my new addiction. But looking back, I think a lot of it was just distraction because
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it's not just about the high value skill, even though you got to go in and become a master at
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it. You also need to get around other people. You also have to understand marketing. You also need
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to learn how to talk. You need to communicate. Instead of writing code 16 hours a day, could I
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have done 10 hours and six hours of other soft skills, work on my emotional intelligence? Could
00:14:01.960
I gotten a lot further? 100%. But what I know is you have to do things and get to a place where
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it's remarkable. Other people have to remark on how good it is. If nobody is impressed with your
00:14:12.040
work, it's not there yet. You can tell yourself, your friends can tell you, but I'm talking about
00:14:15.960
a stranger saying what you just did is impressive. And also invest that time in learning the other
00:14:21.560
skills that amplify the core. What I would recommend you do today is when you start, just
00:14:27.520
decide to be the best in the world. I know even saying that for a lot of people, like confuse
00:14:31.720
them. It's like, I'm just a kid. How can I be the best in the world? Like the best in the world are
00:14:35.520
these people and this person, this person I follow. I get it. And I'll get to that in another point,
00:14:39.120
but just the decision and the focus back to the primary aim, that's how we become great. That's
00:14:45.320
how we become extraordinary. It's how we become remarkable. So make the decision, even if you have
00:14:50.480
no proof and push forward. What's crazy is that the difference between good and great is oftentimes
00:14:56.840
like only an extra 10 or 15% more. If you think about it, it's the difference between losing
00:15:01.500
weight or not losing weight by giving up your weekend. You can go Monday to Friday and eat
00:15:04.720
really well. And then Saturday, Sunday, give away all your gains because you ate bad. You could
00:15:10.180
show up and do all the work, but miss that last 10, 15% and not get the result. It's interesting
00:15:16.020
that it's such a little bit of extra effort that could mean two or three times more opportunity in
00:15:20.640
your future. Which brings us to number 10, which is work harder on yourself than you do at your
00:15:25.360
job. Now I know you don't want to get fired, but I tell my team this all the time because I
00:15:30.260
understand the truth in it all. If they work harder on themselves than they do on the job,
00:15:35.620
it turns out they'll be better at the job. And the cool part about this is that it's selfish.
00:15:41.180
They want to be better. They want to improve. They want to grow. They'll be able to do that
00:15:46.300
because their improvements help their job, but it also helps their future. Personal development is
00:15:51.900
way more important than personnel development. You think your boss is going to send you away
00:15:55.600
on training and that's going to make you better? Learning how to be more productive, learning how
00:15:59.360
use your calendar right learning how to write things down to prioritize a list of tasks towards
00:16:04.480
your goal that is awesome that will make you better because if you work on yourself and become
00:16:10.320
better it will make you better at your job your energy your fitness your communication skills your
00:16:17.840
ability to manage stress all of these skills that make you better will make you better at your job
00:16:23.360
which brings us to number 11 which is understand what you're good at and what you suck at when i
00:16:28.960
was young i thought i was great at coding actually because i didn't talk to people i didn't get any
00:16:33.520
feedback from anybody if i was good and then i started in business and it was really tough
00:16:38.240
because i wasn't that great at coding which meant my code was buggy and i wasn't good at the other
00:16:44.000
skills that were required to actually grow the business so i decided to actually focus on
00:16:48.160
marketing and sales and i hired people that were better at me at my weakness which was code which
00:16:52.560
is kind of funny because it's the thing that i fell in love with but i had to be honest with myself
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Rule number one of improving yourself in life
00:16:58.960
is know your strengths.
00:17:00.460
What are you good at?
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What are you above average than anybody else?
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And then also know your weaknesses.
00:17:05.580
What are the things that you're not good at
00:17:07.380
that you don't enjoy doing that you suck at
00:17:09.440
and try to find people that play at the things you work at.
00:17:12.680
Use that concept to your advantage.
00:17:15.100
Get on a team where you fill a hole that they need
00:17:18.240
and they're helping and supporting you
00:17:19.960
in a way that's just unstoppable
00:17:21.440
and stop avoiding what you're bad at.
00:17:24.040
The worst thing you could do
00:17:25.400
is not be honest with yourself
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and put yourself in a position
00:17:28.560
where through brute force,
00:17:29.800
you could probably kind of stick around
00:17:31.920
and be somewhat successful,
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but hate it the whole time.
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Get feedback.
00:17:36.540
Be honest with yourself.
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Invest in the things that you're great at
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because that's way easier
00:17:41.500
and just mitigate the downside of your weaknesses.
00:17:44.300
And you don't have to hire people.
00:17:45.620
You can just find friends and ask them for favors.
00:17:47.880
You know, like I hate doing bookkeeping.
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I have a friend that's an accountant.
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Hey, could you do my books?
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You don't like doing marketing?
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That's easy for me.
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Let me write you your Facebook ads.
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And like just bartering, trading,
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being around people that support you like that,
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it's an unfair advantage for you.
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The reason you should double down on your strength
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is developing something you're good at
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is 10 times easier than trying to get good
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at something you suck at and don't wanna get good at.
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You can do it.
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I mean, most people can develop and grow.
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It's just to get good at it,
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the effort isn't worth the squeeze
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because if you do it right,
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you shouldn't be putting yourself in positions
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where you're not gonna be able to succeed.
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All the people you follow on social media
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were smart enough to find people to support them.
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Period, full stop.
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You may not know who they are,
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but I guarantee that they have a team
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and they might have really senior people,
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other people that could even run their company
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that they partnered with to be able to allow them
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to go shine their light,
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doing the thing that they do better
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than anybody else in the world
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so that the other person could take care
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of all the areas that they're weak at,
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but make sure it doesn't become a problem.
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Which brings us to number 12,
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which is stop being so critical of yourself.
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I've got this guy on my team and it's hilarious because no matter what somebody says or posts on
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Instagram or shares anonymously, he defaults to thinking it's about him. And it gets him into a
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headspace where he has a negative downward spiral. And until somebody stops him or has a conversation
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with him or he shares it out loud, he will allow himself to go into a dark place. And the crazy
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part is, is nobody's ever said anything about him. He's the nicest guy. He's so smart, yet he just
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believes that all the bad stuff that people are talking about might be directed towards him in
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life. We can easily put ourselves in a negative spot by focusing on something negative. And it's
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called ruminating where you've had something happen to you weeks ago. When you think about
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it, it makes you feel bad, makes you feel sad. It makes you feel less about yourself. It's all up to
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you to decide what you want to focus on. So lift your head. Stop looking at your feet. Eyes up on
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the horizon. Stop looking down. Realize that 99% of stuff that happens out there, even if you were
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involved, is not about you. It's about the other person and the stories they tell themselves. So
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Tony Robbins says this thing all the time. If you're in your head, you're dead. It's not about
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you. Get out of your head, focus on how awesome you are, and get back to work. Which brings us
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to number 13, which is don't compare your level one to somebody else's level 23. Back when I
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started, I would see all these young entrepreneurs further along to me, sold their company for a
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hundred million at 23. This other person, super successful. And here I am comparing myself to
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these other entrepreneurs going, man, I must suck. I am so slow. Why am I not figuring this out
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faster? And I was beating myself up. Or I'd see this person on the internet that's 35, that's way,
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way, way further ahead of me. And then I heard somebody say once, they said, you got to understand
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that in business, there's entrepreneurial ages. And there's some people, their age is one years
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old and other people, they're 15. And when you start off, it doesn't matter how old you are,
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but if you're starting off young and this is your first year at it, you got to understand
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you're at year one of your entrepreneurial age. And if you're comparing yourself to somebody else
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that might be similar age or a few years ahead of you, but started 15 years ago, then you're
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comparing your age one to their age 15. Do you know the difference between a one-year-old baby
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and a 15-year-old? Think about it. It's massive. Somebody has been doing something like legit in
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business and people don't realize like eight year olds start businesses now. So you might meet
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somebody that's 21 that's absolutely crushing it, but they've been doing it for a decade and you
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just started and you're going to beat yourself up over it. You're going to feel bad about not being
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further along. There's nothing to compare about. There's nothing to compare to. You are not them.
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They're not you. You are living your own journey, your own existence, your own reality. And if you
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allow yourself to just be okay with that and have some grace, it'll actually make you feel a lot
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better. I don't focus on other people. I focus on me. I focus on who I was yesterday. And am I
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better today that I can control? Can't control the weather. I can't control the politics. I can't
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control the people around me. Think about every time you drive, you trust the person on the other
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side of the lane to not cross the lane and smash you head on, right? Like I don't control a lot of
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stuff, but I control me. And I choose not to compare my journey at whatever level I'm at,
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whatever entrepreneurial age I'm at to somebody else's further along. So for what it's worth,
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If you look at where I'm at, I've been doing this for 27 years.
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It's not even that impressive.
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Imagine what you could do in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years if you went all in on you.
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But it's going to require consistency.
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If you want to learn the 44 cheat codes I know at 44 that I wish I knew at 24,
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click the link and I'll see you on the other side.
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