Dan Martell - How millionaires run their family

00:00:00.000 As a CEO and business owner, you should be running your family better than 99% of normal people out

00:00:05.840 there. There's three things you're doing in your business that if you applied it to your family

00:00:09.220 would turn it from frustration and disappointment to one of motivation and truly feeling supported

00:00:13.960 and in the end would help you in your business even more. When my wife and I decided to have

00:00:18.360 kids, we essentially went from just being two in love cuddle bugs to getting pregnant with

00:00:24.420 our first child, starting two new companies. Three months after giving birth, we found out

00:00:28.780 we were pregnant on the second one. We decided to move twice in a two-year period. To say that

00:00:35.080 our life was hectic would be an understatement. One of the big things that we had to come to

00:00:38.780 realization around is that we needed to synchronize. We needed to talk. So now every week we get

00:00:43.900 together. We have a very structured meeting that I want to share with you that allows us to feel

00:00:47.840 in sync. Here's how it works. So I'm going to break this into two parts. The first part is

00:00:52.480 who you should be meeting with every week. And the second part is what's the agenda,

00:00:57.600 the five core areas that I use in my mind

00:01:00.520 when I'm talking to make sure I cover all points.

00:01:02.820 So the who is, first off, your partner in life.

00:01:05.440 Second, if you have kids,

00:01:06.360 you should probably meet with your kids.

00:01:07.640 My other favorite area is brothers or sisters.

00:01:09.760 And then also your family members

00:01:11.380 and your parents and your friends.

00:01:12.900 Think about the folks that matter a lot to you

00:01:15.160 and make sure that you have

00:01:16.320 at minimum a 15 minute conversation

00:01:18.040 or even better, maybe an hour meeting

00:01:20.100 like I do with my wife.

00:01:21.180 Now, here are the five agenda items

00:01:23.060 we go over every time we meet.

00:01:24.460 Number one is we talk about our wins.

00:01:26.220 I want to know where she's winning at.

00:01:28.720 I want to share my wins.

00:01:30.140 I want to set the tone of this meeting.

00:01:31.700 So three wins is the first place we start.

00:01:33.460 The second is we rate our role.

00:01:35.200 See, I think most relationships end up not working out

00:01:38.300 because at some point there is a fraction.

00:01:40.460 Over time, that fracture gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

00:01:43.200 And by the time they realize,

00:01:44.760 they're as wide as the Grand Canyon,

00:01:46.780 standing on the edges of the cliff,

00:01:48.100 wondering what the other person is thinking and doing.

00:01:50.120 So if every week I ask my wife,

00:01:52.800 how am I doing for you as a husband?

00:01:54.600 Rate me as a husband.

00:01:56.020 It's out of 10.

00:01:56.680 Maybe I'll get a four or five.

00:01:58.440 Maybe I just did something that really upset her.

00:02:00.660 I've got to be on the receiving end of that feedback.

00:02:02.660 I listen, I hear, I ask,

00:02:04.420 could you provide any more information?

00:02:05.780 Could you explain that?

00:02:06.480 But the cool part is the only response

00:02:08.720 that's appropriate is thank you.

00:02:10.960 That's it.

00:02:11.700 And then she asked me that same question.

00:02:13.280 It's something we look forward to

00:02:14.520 because we have an opportunity to express ourselves

00:02:16.400 in a way that doesn't feel like we're attacking each other

00:02:18.640 and we're genuinely curious

00:02:19.720 on how we can become better for the other person.

00:02:22.220 Number three is calendar review.

00:02:23.700 We'll always review the next six weeks

00:02:25.760 of our lives what's going on for my wife what's going on for me trips travel workshops events

00:02:30.960 client meetings people flying in to meet with us just as an opportunity for us to review and see

00:02:35.840 if there's things we can do to make that experience better the most important thing to figure out in

00:02:40.400 that part of our meeting is what's going on on the weekend if we're in a rush we always do at least

00:02:44.960 the weekend then at least two weeks but preferably six weeks out so we're never feeling like we're

00:02:49.440 responding to information that we weren't aware of too busy people things can get a little crazy

00:02:53.920 we need to synchronize and make that happen number four is our scorecard first off we measure our

00:02:59.280 financials i'm a big fan of teaching my wife how i manage all the investments i want to make sure

00:03:03.840 that she's always in the loop with what we're doing and she never feels like she doesn't know

00:03:07.520 where anything's going on the other area is our core values so as a family we have core values

00:03:12.800 and we use those to guide us so we always measure ourselves on a weekly basis how are we showing up

00:03:17.600 in society how are we communicating that with our kids we score ourselves and then finally we look

00:03:21.680 at the core goals that we've set for ourselves each quarter.

00:03:25.920 So Scorecard is really a way for us to stop, measure,

00:03:28.620 get a quantitative feedback loop on how we're doing

00:03:31.420 in regards to the way we wanna measure and show up.

00:03:33.720 Number five is discussions.

00:03:35.540 Whatever areas to discuss and have conversations around,

00:03:38.560 we always just list those in.

00:03:40.160 Both my wife and I have access to a Google Doc

00:03:42.240 and we'll go in and add items to that.

00:03:44.460 There might be stuff around screen time,

00:03:46.580 but also the projects that are going on in our lives.

00:03:49.760 We're buying real estate.

00:03:51.040 There's all these bigger type of activities

00:03:53.500 that we use as kind of a catch-all

00:03:55.500 to bring the other person up to speed.

00:03:57.320 That is how we do it.

00:03:58.260 If you want the link to the weekly agenda,

00:04:00.500 just click the link below, go download your copy.

00:04:02.400 That's my gift to all of you.

00:04:04.020 So that's how you keep a pulse on your relationship.

00:04:06.120 But the next section is the rhythm that you need to follow.

00:04:09.380 And that is where the real magic happens.

00:04:11.780 Number two is quarterly retreats.

00:04:13.800 We run three quarterly planning sessions every year.

00:04:16.820 And then the last one is annual planning for the next year.

00:04:19.780 Back in the day, it just got really hard trying to both be driven entrepreneurs, have little babies, and be there for each other.

00:04:27.260 And eventually, I thought to myself, why don't we run the same quarterly planning that I do in my businesses for our lives?

00:04:33.420 And that quarterly planning rhythm, getting a line, has changed everything for us.

00:04:37.820 So here's the format for those retreats.

00:04:39.860 I break it into four key areas.

00:04:42.360 The first one is we review.

00:04:44.340 We look at the previous quarter, and we ask ourselves, did we enjoy that?

00:04:49.120 Would we do it again?

00:04:50.300 Did we feel overscheduled?

00:04:51.660 Did we feel like there wasn't enough stuff?

00:04:53.320 The first thing we always do

00:04:55.020 is reflect on the previous period,

00:04:56.600 review that time to take those learnings

00:04:59.160 into the next section.

00:05:00.260 Number two is we set goals

00:05:01.980 for the quarter or for the year.

00:05:03.540 And this is personally my favorite

00:05:05.060 because it gives us a chance to like

00:05:06.680 sit down and dream a little bit.

00:05:08.340 What's possible?

00:05:09.040 What can we create around our health,

00:05:10.880 our relationship, our business, all different areas?

00:05:13.700 And it's really fun because we look at both professional,

00:05:16.460 our businesses, our careers, what do we wanna do?

00:05:18.740 And then also personal,

00:05:20.440 the relationship we wanna have with our boys.

00:05:22.500 Are there other people in our lives

00:05:23.740 we wanna get to know better?

00:05:24.960 Do we have enough time to recharge for ourselves?

00:05:27.160 And we put both of those categories together.

00:05:29.420 We spend individual time planning

00:05:31.260 and then we come together

00:05:32.380 and we share it with the other person

00:05:33.740 and see if there's opportunities to support.

00:05:35.620 Number three is the schedule.

00:05:37.720 I have this template that I teach people

00:05:39.340 that has the whole year on one page.

00:05:42.460 And we can take all of the different things

00:05:44.540 that we're planning to do

00:05:45.540 and we plug it in using color coding

00:05:47.740 to denote different things that are personal

00:05:50.060 or family stuff.

00:05:51.960 We put it all in there.

00:05:53.140 We start to plan the calendar.

00:05:55.540 And then the last part is conflicts.

00:05:57.920 I'm trying to see if there's any dates that overlap,

00:06:00.640 commitments we've made to other people.

00:06:01.940 And I'm always asking myself,

00:06:03.500 would I regret not doing this?

00:06:05.120 So that if this was the last year of my life

00:06:07.100 and that's all I had,

00:06:08.040 I would feel really good with that time spent.

00:06:09.900 So I'm always looking at the calendar

00:06:11.360 and I'm negotiating and I'm collaborating with my wife

00:06:13.600 and we're literally co-creating

00:06:15.240 a regret minimization strategy around our personal and professional goals now that you have the plan

00:06:20.520 you need this next step to make sure this whole thing works in a weekly cadence about a dozen

00:06:25.640 years ago my wife and i went to montreal for a couples event i went there because i wanted to

00:06:31.080 learn how i could be a better partner for my wife etc and what i discovered is there was a fear

00:06:35.560 a real fear that i may go on this journey of self-improvement and growth and leave my wife

00:06:41.400 behind. Here's what I learned and it changed everything for me is oftentimes when we're

00:06:45.560 climbing the mountain, we have this desire to reach down and pull people up. If anything,

00:06:50.080 we want it for them more than they want it for themselves. But you got to understand the person

00:06:52.960 that's on that journey, they're looking up at you going, I don't know if I can keep up. And I feel

00:06:57.220 like you're going to grow so far that you're going to wake up one day and not want to be with me

00:07:00.920 anymore. What we want to do is we want to hold space for our partners. We try to pull them up

00:07:06.020 the mountain essentially in that constrained form. There's no light. There's no nothing to

00:07:10.880 get inside and instead do this, hold the space for your partner. And that changed everything for us

00:07:17.000 and it allowed us to understand how to create alignment, specifically using the MVV framework

00:07:22.480 that I want to share with you guys now. So the MVV framework starts with mission. It's very

00:07:27.280 important that we have a North Star. We have a direction that the whole team or your family is

00:07:32.700 aiming towards because what I learned a long time ago is we don't get the life we want,

00:07:36.240 we get the life that we focus on and if we don't have a clear mission for where we're going then

00:07:41.340 it's easy for us to feel confused and not really be intentional so every family should sit down

00:07:46.960 and be deliberate around the mission statement for their family here's the one for Renee and I

00:07:51.960 as a family we want to inspire other families to pursue a lifelong journey of exploration

00:07:57.320 personal development or growth and accountability in order to better serve their community and

00:08:03.660 family. Having that mission statement allows us to show up and play full out aligned with our

00:08:08.420 bigger purpose. The second part to the MVV framework is vision. And that's all about the

00:08:13.520 destination. Where are you trying to end up? The intentionality of it, deciding I want to be

00:08:18.940 personally an epic husband for my wife, independent of how she shows up. See, most people say, well,

00:08:24.040 my partner needs to beat me 50-50. That makes zero sense. It's not 50-50. It's 100%. You show up at

00:08:30.680 100% 100% of the time all the time not requiring anything you will see your whole relationship

00:08:35.860 transform so here's my personal relationship vision for my wife to live in a place of love 0.87

00:08:41.680 and gratitude compassion and adventure for my lady to make her needs mine and give unconditionally

00:08:48.020 to feel her radiance and beauty at every moment I'm just going to encourage you to sit down and

00:08:53.040 just think about it what would you want to aspire to for your relationship write that down make a

00:08:59.740 commitment to live that as much as you can every day. The third element of the MVV framework is

00:09:05.880 value. See, in business, I hire and I fire against our values. The difference is in our family, we

00:09:12.540 use it as one opportunity to catch people doing great things, what I call bright spots. When my

00:09:17.180 children are doing things that are aligned with our values, we recognize that and we want to catch

00:09:22.020 people doing awesome stuff and we want to use it to correct them. So here are our core values in

00:09:26.380 the Martell family. We prioritize. Essentially, we put family first. We appreciate. We love and

00:09:31.420 support each other. We talk. We communicate in positive ways. We bond. We have fun together.

00:09:37.560 Quite a bit of fun. We believe. We love God, ourselves, and each other. We impact. We love

00:09:42.920 and serve others. We overcome. We do hard things, and we move. We are healthy and active. Use these

00:09:49.640 for inspiration, but better yet, sit down with your family and ask them, how do we want to show

00:09:55.120 but what do we believe in?

00:09:56.160 What are the values that we would die for?

00:09:58.160 And come up with a handful that maybe you already have,

00:10:00.580 you just gotta formalize them,

00:10:01.900 but take the time to be intentional about your values.

00:10:04.700 So that's how you run your family like a business.

00:10:07.560 Now, if you wanna learn more about how I schedule my day

00:10:10.140 as a multimillion dollar CEO,

00:10:11.660 then be sure to click the link on screen

00:10:13.400 and I'll see you on the other side.

Dan Martell - November 17, 2023

How millionaires run their family

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