Dan Martell - November 17, 2023


How millionaires run their family


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

220.70738

Word Count

2,261

Sentence Count

121

Misogynist Sentences

1


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
00:00:00.000 As a CEO and business owner, you should be running your family better than 99% of normal people out
00:00:05.840 there. There's three things you're doing in your business that if you applied it to your family
00:00:09.220 would turn it from frustration and disappointment to one of motivation and truly feeling supported
00:00:13.960 and in the end would help you in your business even more. When my wife and I decided to have
00:00:18.360 kids, we essentially went from just being two in love cuddle bugs to getting pregnant with
00:00:24.420 our first child, starting two new companies. Three months after giving birth, we found out
00:00:28.780 we were pregnant on the second one. We decided to move twice in a two-year period. To say that
00:00:35.080 our life was hectic would be an understatement. One of the big things that we had to come to
00:00:38.780 realization around is that we needed to synchronize. We needed to talk. So now every week we get
00:00:43.900 together. We have a very structured meeting that I want to share with you that allows us to feel
00:00:47.840 in sync. Here's how it works. So I'm going to break this into two parts. The first part is
00:00:52.480 who you should be meeting with every week. And the second part is what's the agenda,
00:00:57.600 the five core areas that I use in my mind
00:01:00.520 when I'm talking to make sure I cover all points.
00:01:02.820 So the who is, first off, your partner in life.
00:01:05.440 Second, if you have kids,
00:01:06.360 you should probably meet with your kids.
00:01:07.640 My other favorite area is brothers or sisters.
00:01:09.760 And then also your family members
00:01:11.380 and your parents and your friends.
00:01:12.900 Think about the folks that matter a lot to you
00:01:15.160 and make sure that you have
00:01:16.320 at minimum a 15 minute conversation
00:01:18.040 or even better, maybe an hour meeting
00:01:20.100 like I do with my wife.
00:01:21.180 Now, here are the five agenda items
00:01:23.060 we go over every time we meet.
00:01:24.460 Number one is we talk about our wins.
00:01:26.220 I want to know where she's winning at.
00:01:28.720 I want to share my wins.
00:01:30.140 I want to set the tone of this meeting.
00:01:31.700 So three wins is the first place we start.
00:01:33.460 The second is we rate our role.
00:01:35.200 See, I think most relationships end up not working out
00:01:38.300 because at some point there is a fraction.
00:01:40.460 Over time, that fracture gets bigger and bigger and bigger.
00:01:43.200 And by the time they realize,
00:01:44.760 they're as wide as the Grand Canyon,
00:01:46.780 standing on the edges of the cliff,
00:01:48.100 wondering what the other person is thinking and doing.
00:01:50.120 So if every week I ask my wife,
00:01:52.800 how am I doing for you as a husband?
00:01:54.600 Rate me as a husband.
00:01:56.020 It's out of 10.
00:01:56.680 Maybe I'll get a four or five.
00:01:58.440 Maybe I just did something that really upset her.
00:02:00.660 I've got to be on the receiving end of that feedback.
00:02:02.660 I listen, I hear, I ask,
00:02:04.420 could you provide any more information?
00:02:05.780 Could you explain that?
00:02:06.480 But the cool part is the only response
00:02:08.720 that's appropriate is thank you.
00:02:10.960 That's it.
00:02:11.700 And then she asked me that same question.
00:02:13.280 It's something we look forward to
00:02:14.520 because we have an opportunity to express ourselves
00:02:16.400 in a way that doesn't feel like we're attacking each other
00:02:18.640 and we're genuinely curious
00:02:19.720 on how we can become better for the other person.
00:02:22.220 Number three is calendar review.
00:02:23.700 We'll always review the next six weeks
00:02:25.760 of our lives what's going on for my wife what's going on for me trips travel workshops events
00:02:30.960 client meetings people flying in to meet with us just as an opportunity for us to review and see
00:02:35.840 if there's things we can do to make that experience better the most important thing to figure out in
00:02:40.400 that part of our meeting is what's going on on the weekend if we're in a rush we always do at least
00:02:44.960 the weekend then at least two weeks but preferably six weeks out so we're never feeling like we're
00:02:49.440 responding to information that we weren't aware of too busy people things can get a little crazy
00:02:53.920 we need to synchronize and make that happen number four is our scorecard first off we measure our
00:02:59.280 financials i'm a big fan of teaching my wife how i manage all the investments i want to make sure
00:03:03.840 that she's always in the loop with what we're doing and she never feels like she doesn't know
00:03:07.520 where anything's going on the other area is our core values so as a family we have core values
00:03:12.800 and we use those to guide us so we always measure ourselves on a weekly basis how are we showing up
00:03:17.600 in society how are we communicating that with our kids we score ourselves and then finally we look
00:03:21.680 at the core goals that we've set for ourselves each quarter.
00:03:25.920 So Scorecard is really a way for us to stop, measure,
00:03:28.620 get a quantitative feedback loop on how we're doing
00:03:31.420 in regards to the way we wanna measure and show up.
00:03:33.720 Number five is discussions.
00:03:35.540 Whatever areas to discuss and have conversations around,
00:03:38.560 we always just list those in.
00:03:40.160 Both my wife and I have access to a Google Doc
00:03:42.240 and we'll go in and add items to that.
00:03:44.460 There might be stuff around screen time,
00:03:46.580 but also the projects that are going on in our lives.
00:03:49.760 We're buying real estate.
00:03:51.040 There's all these bigger type of activities
00:03:53.500 that we use as kind of a catch-all
00:03:55.500 to bring the other person up to speed.
00:03:57.320 That is how we do it.
00:03:58.260 If you want the link to the weekly agenda,
00:04:00.500 just click the link below, go download your copy.
00:04:02.400 That's my gift to all of you.
00:04:04.020 So that's how you keep a pulse on your relationship.
00:04:06.120 But the next section is the rhythm that you need to follow.
00:04:09.380 And that is where the real magic happens.
00:04:11.780 Number two is quarterly retreats.
00:04:13.800 We run three quarterly planning sessions every year.
00:04:16.820 And then the last one is annual planning for the next year.
00:04:19.780 Back in the day, it just got really hard trying to both be driven entrepreneurs, have little babies, and be there for each other.
00:04:27.260 And eventually, I thought to myself, why don't we run the same quarterly planning that I do in my businesses for our lives?
00:04:33.420 And that quarterly planning rhythm, getting a line, has changed everything for us.
00:04:37.820 So here's the format for those retreats.
00:04:39.860 I break it into four key areas.
00:04:42.360 The first one is we review.
00:04:44.340 We look at the previous quarter, and we ask ourselves, did we enjoy that?
00:04:49.120 Would we do it again?
00:04:50.300 Did we feel overscheduled?
00:04:51.660 Did we feel like there wasn't enough stuff?
00:04:53.320 The first thing we always do
00:04:55.020 is reflect on the previous period,
00:04:56.600 review that time to take those learnings
00:04:59.160 into the next section.
00:05:00.260 Number two is we set goals
00:05:01.980 for the quarter or for the year.
00:05:03.540 And this is personally my favorite
00:05:05.060 because it gives us a chance to like
00:05:06.680 sit down and dream a little bit.
00:05:08.340 What's possible?
00:05:09.040 What can we create around our health,
00:05:10.880 our relationship, our business, all different areas?
00:05:13.700 And it's really fun because we look at both professional,
00:05:16.460 our businesses, our careers, what do we wanna do?
00:05:18.740 And then also personal,
00:05:20.440 the relationship we wanna have with our boys.
00:05:22.500 Are there other people in our lives
00:05:23.740 we wanna get to know better?
00:05:24.960 Do we have enough time to recharge for ourselves?
00:05:27.160 And we put both of those categories together.
00:05:29.420 We spend individual time planning
00:05:31.260 and then we come together
00:05:32.380 and we share it with the other person
00:05:33.740 and see if there's opportunities to support.
00:05:35.620 Number three is the schedule.
00:05:37.720 I have this template that I teach people
00:05:39.340 that has the whole year on one page.
00:05:42.460 And we can take all of the different things
00:05:44.540 that we're planning to do
00:05:45.540 and we plug it in using color coding
00:05:47.740 to denote different things that are personal
00:05:50.060 or family stuff.
00:05:51.960 We put it all in there.
00:05:53.140 We start to plan the calendar.
00:05:55.540 And then the last part is conflicts.
00:05:57.920 I'm trying to see if there's any dates that overlap,
00:06:00.640 commitments we've made to other people.
00:06:01.940 And I'm always asking myself,
00:06:03.500 would I regret not doing this?
00:06:05.120 So that if this was the last year of my life
00:06:07.100 and that's all I had,
00:06:08.040 I would feel really good with that time spent.
00:06:09.900 So I'm always looking at the calendar
00:06:11.360 and I'm negotiating and I'm collaborating with my wife
00:06:13.600 and we're literally co-creating
00:06:15.240 a regret minimization strategy around our personal and professional goals now that you have the plan
00:06:20.520 you need this next step to make sure this whole thing works in a weekly cadence about a dozen
00:06:25.640 years ago my wife and i went to montreal for a couples event i went there because i wanted to
00:06:31.080 learn how i could be a better partner for my wife etc and what i discovered is there was a fear
00:06:35.560 a real fear that i may go on this journey of self-improvement and growth and leave my wife
00:06:41.400 behind. Here's what I learned and it changed everything for me is oftentimes when we're
00:06:45.560 climbing the mountain, we have this desire to reach down and pull people up. If anything,
00:06:50.080 we want it for them more than they want it for themselves. But you got to understand the person
00:06:52.960 that's on that journey, they're looking up at you going, I don't know if I can keep up. And I feel
00:06:57.220 like you're going to grow so far that you're going to wake up one day and not want to be with me
00:07:00.920 anymore. What we want to do is we want to hold space for our partners. We try to pull them up
00:07:06.020 the mountain essentially in that constrained form. There's no light. There's no nothing to
00:07:10.880 get inside and instead do this, hold the space for your partner. And that changed everything for us
00:07:17.000 and it allowed us to understand how to create alignment, specifically using the MVV framework
00:07:22.480 that I want to share with you guys now. So the MVV framework starts with mission. It's very
00:07:27.280 important that we have a North Star. We have a direction that the whole team or your family is
00:07:32.700 aiming towards because what I learned a long time ago is we don't get the life we want,
00:07:36.240 we get the life that we focus on and if we don't have a clear mission for where we're going then
00:07:41.340 it's easy for us to feel confused and not really be intentional so every family should sit down
00:07:46.960 and be deliberate around the mission statement for their family here's the one for Renee and I
00:07:51.960 as a family we want to inspire other families to pursue a lifelong journey of exploration
00:07:57.320 personal development or growth and accountability in order to better serve their community and
00:08:03.660 family. Having that mission statement allows us to show up and play full out aligned with our
00:08:08.420 bigger purpose. The second part to the MVV framework is vision. And that's all about the
00:08:13.520 destination. Where are you trying to end up? The intentionality of it, deciding I want to be
00:08:18.940 personally an epic husband for my wife, independent of how she shows up. See, most people say, well,
00:08:24.040 my partner needs to beat me 50-50. That makes zero sense. It's not 50-50. It's 100%. You show up at
00:08:30.680 100% 100% of the time all the time not requiring anything you will see your whole relationship
00:08:35.860 transform so here's my personal relationship vision for my wife to live in a place of love
00:08:41.680 and gratitude compassion and adventure for my lady to make her needs mine and give unconditionally
00:08:48.020 to feel her radiance and beauty at every moment I'm just going to encourage you to sit down and
00:08:53.040 just think about it what would you want to aspire to for your relationship write that down make a
00:08:59.740 commitment to live that as much as you can every day. The third element of the MVV framework is
00:09:05.880 value. See, in business, I hire and I fire against our values. The difference is in our family, we
00:09:12.540 use it as one opportunity to catch people doing great things, what I call bright spots. When my
00:09:17.180 children are doing things that are aligned with our values, we recognize that and we want to catch
00:09:22.020 people doing awesome stuff and we want to use it to correct them. So here are our core values in
00:09:26.380 the Martell family. We prioritize. Essentially, we put family first. We appreciate. We love and
00:09:31.420 support each other. We talk. We communicate in positive ways. We bond. We have fun together.
00:09:37.560 Quite a bit of fun. We believe. We love God, ourselves, and each other. We impact. We love
00:09:42.920 and serve others. We overcome. We do hard things, and we move. We are healthy and active. Use these
00:09:49.640 for inspiration, but better yet, sit down with your family and ask them, how do we want to show
00:09:55.120 but what do we believe in?
00:09:56.160 What are the values that we would die for?
00:09:58.160 And come up with a handful that maybe you already have,
00:10:00.580 you just gotta formalize them,
00:10:01.900 but take the time to be intentional about your values.
00:10:04.700 So that's how you run your family like a business.
00:10:07.560 Now, if you wanna learn more about how I schedule my day
00:10:10.140 as a multimillion dollar CEO,
00:10:11.660 then be sure to click the link on screen
00:10:13.400 and I'll see you on the other side.