Dan Martell - July 17, 2023


How to Fix Your Confidence

Hosted by
Dan Martell
How to think about AI replacing us Your past does not define your future.

Episode Stats


Length

8 minutes

Words per minute

205.84

Word count

1,818

Sentence count

72


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about how to overcome self-doubt and build confidence when you don t have any. I walk you through the 4 key strategies that I use to get out of the darkness that I found myself in as a teenager, and how I overcame it to become a better version of myself.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Here's how to overcome self-doubt and build confidence when you don't really have any.
00:00:04.200 You know, if you're feeling depressed, it's probably because you've been focusing on the
00:00:07.940 past. If you've got a lot of anxiety in your body, it's because you're focusing on the future.
00:00:12.680 The right way to approach your time is to be in the now, be here. And I understand it's easy for
00:00:17.640 me to say, but even when I was growing up, I had a really tough childhood. I grew up in
00:00:22.240 addiction and violence and emotional trauma and just, you know, group homes, foster homes,
00:00:29.300 even ended up in prison a couple of times.
00:00:30.920 So I went through a lot of kind of bouts with self-doubt
00:00:35.060 and not feeling very good about myself
00:00:36.640 because for a long time, people always said how bad I was
00:00:40.140 or where they thought they expected more from me.
00:00:43.440 So I wanna walk you through the four key strategies
00:00:46.600 that I use not only to get out of the darkness
00:00:49.680 that I found myself as a teenager,
00:00:51.520 but even as I've progressed in my entrepreneurial career
00:00:54.120 to overcome some of these setbacks and challenges
00:00:56.600 where I was just full of self-doubt,
00:00:58.220 wondering if I was even doing the right thing
00:01:00.040 or how I was ever gonna be successful.
00:01:01.480 I wanna teach you these four strategies
00:01:02.980 so you can avoid all the mistakes I've made
00:01:05.440 and move even faster.
00:01:09.520 Number one is you gotta keep the commitments to yourself,
00:01:12.160 the ones you make in private,
00:01:13.620 that you never share out loud.
00:01:15.040 Things like what time you're gonna wake up
00:01:16.580 or the books you're gonna read
00:01:18.380 or the new habits you're gonna add
00:01:20.420 or going to the gym.
00:01:22.500 A lot of times it's when we make those commitments
00:01:25.640 to ourselves and we don't keep them
00:01:27.580 that we start to erode our self-confidence.
00:01:30.720 You know, one of my favorite pieces of art
00:01:33.000 that I've gotten commission is this guy right here
00:01:35.500 because this is how I felt
00:01:37.520 when I ballooned over 265 pounds at 21 years old.
00:01:42.280 I wasn't the person physically that everybody else saw.
00:01:45.780 My confidence was almost zero,
00:01:48.220 but I knew inside there was a little seed of me
00:01:50.360 that knew inside that there was this guy
00:01:52.020 that could chisel himself out of that to become way more.
00:01:56.240 And that's my invitation to you.
00:01:57.880 When you think about the commitments to getting up early,
00:02:02.100 you know, it's not, does it add to my day?
00:02:04.700 Can I be more productive?
00:02:05.680 It's the fact that you're doing something hard.
00:02:07.700 If you decide, you know, tomorrow I'm gonna do a cold plunge,
00:02:10.440 you know, which is the new rage these days on social.
00:02:12.540 But are you the person that actually gets in the water?
00:02:15.300 Are you the person that reads those 10 pages of the book?
00:02:18.360 Are you making the calls?
00:02:19.640 Are you messaging the people on social media?
00:02:21.840 Whatever you are scared to do,
00:02:23.820 leaning into that becoming consistent it's the most powerful force you could possibly
00:02:29.640 add to your life it's that momentum when we're trying to build confidence because the work
00:02:34.900 instills the worth doing the activity is how we build our self-worth so that we have more to give
00:02:40.000 the world number two is no vision no value you know when i was younger i mentioned i got in
00:02:45.080 trouble with the law and eventually ended up in a rehab center for 11 months and it was
00:02:49.720 in this program where I got coached and taught
00:02:53.980 how to think about my internal value,
00:02:56.520 my emotions, my self-worth.
00:02:59.040 I had to rebuild all the relationships
00:03:00.700 that I fractured with my family
00:03:02.940 and my positive friends out there.
00:03:05.480 And throughout this program,
00:03:06.420 I started to rediscover who I was at my core.
00:03:10.700 And the thing that really created the most value for me
00:03:14.000 was the transition plan.
00:03:15.500 See, at the end of this program,
00:03:16.680 part of the process was creating a document
00:03:20.260 that talked about the life
00:03:21.840 that I was gonna create outside of this facility,
00:03:24.980 the accomplishments that I was gonna go after,
00:03:27.280 my personal goals about getting my high school diploma
00:03:30.800 and learning how to write code
00:03:33.360 and all these different accomplishments,
00:03:34.800 I wrote them down first before they ever became a reality.
00:03:38.500 And what I realized is that
00:03:39.740 if I don't have a vision for my life,
00:03:42.220 where I wanna go, then it's hard to stay motivated.
00:03:45.720 Your self-value is gonna come from accomplishing
00:03:49.040 steps along the way to your big vision.
00:03:52.320 And here's the cool part.
00:03:53.920 It's not about being right, it's about just having a vision.
00:03:57.140 You can lack the right direction,
00:03:59.400 but that's way better than being indecisive
00:04:01.800 about what you wanna create.
00:04:03.340 So I'm gonna invite you to consider to think big, dream big,
00:04:06.860 focus on having a vision that is big for your life
00:04:10.460 and trust that it's okay to change it
00:04:13.400 as you discover there might be new preferences
00:04:15.200 or opportunities that you wanna explore.
00:04:17.740 But sitting back waiting for you to have clarity at 100%,
00:04:21.000 that's where you're gonna pull back on your ability
00:04:23.600 to have the self-confidence
00:04:24.660 to take action in the first place.
00:04:26.640 Number three is the volume of work
00:04:28.580 that you've gotta do to build the confidence.
00:04:31.180 You know, I love telling the story about my son, Max.
00:04:33.340 You know, he started this fingerboard tech deck thing
00:04:36.720 where he would, you know, play with these boards
00:04:38.660 and try different tricks.
00:04:39.860 And man, he put in dozens of hours,
00:04:42.620 if not hundreds of hours of trying these different tricks
00:04:45.100 and some of them, it took him a long time to perfect
00:04:47.920 but over time, he kept putting in the hours,
00:04:50.720 showing up, doing the work.
00:04:52.500 I mean, sometimes I'd catch him after he went to bed,
00:04:54.880 he would wake up and he'd start playing even more
00:04:56.780 when he's supposed to be sleeping.
00:04:57.880 He was passionate about it
00:04:59.300 but because of this, he ended up building
00:05:01.480 this whole tech deck world in his bedroom
00:05:04.680 and we even got one of the top guys on YouTube
00:05:07.660 to respond and evaluate his video.
00:05:10.300 Why?
00:05:10.700 Because he put in so much work towards the skill
00:05:14.240 And I wanna ask you, are you putting in the hours?
00:05:17.340 Are you doing the reps?
00:05:18.440 Are you showing up and making the cold calls?
00:05:21.060 Are you sending the chats?
00:05:22.720 Are you doing the marketing?
00:05:25.100 But being unrealistic about it,
00:05:27.040 like not just doing enough what everybody else will do,
00:05:29.560 but actually going in and doing the reps
00:05:31.580 and putting the effort in using the volume of activity
00:05:35.520 to build the self-confidence.
00:05:37.180 If I go out there and I run 50, 60, 70 kilometers a week,
00:05:41.700 It doesn't even matter how fast those kilometers are
00:05:44.580 or the amount of elevation that I do during these runs.
00:05:48.100 It's the fact that I've got the volume
00:05:49.800 that I build the base
00:05:50.920 that I start to build the confidence
00:05:52.140 so that I can run the half marathons,
00:05:54.360 the full marathon, the ultra marathons.
00:05:56.720 That's my suggestion to you
00:05:58.560 is look at the volume of stuff you're doing.
00:06:01.680 If you wanna get great at things,
00:06:02.980 if you wanna build that confidence,
00:06:04.680 are you putting in the amount of reps
00:06:07.240 that so many that would be unreasonable
00:06:09.820 for you to consider you not being successful
00:06:11.820 if you do that amount of work.
00:06:13.600 Number four is to boost your confidence by helping others.
00:06:16.860 One of the most powerful things you can do
00:06:18.960 is to offer to help somebody else.
00:06:21.180 And some of you guys may think,
00:06:22.520 well, I don't feel very talented at this thing,
00:06:24.620 or I'm just getting started at this.
00:06:25.940 Well, here's what I know.
00:06:27.000 You are one step ahead of somebody who hasn't even started.
00:06:30.540 So it doesn't matter where you're at.
00:06:31.980 I want you to offer your services for free.
00:06:35.020 Give yourself freely to anybody that might want help.
00:06:37.840 just listen for opportunities to offer it.
00:06:40.280 You know, recently I had a friend
00:06:41.440 that went and spoke to a classroom
00:06:43.040 and, you know, initially she was super nervous
00:06:45.500 about giving this talk, even though it was a bunch of kids
00:06:47.700 because she's like, you know, I know this stuff
00:06:49.400 but I don't know if they're gonna like it
00:06:51.000 and what if they don't listen to me?
00:06:52.400 And I mean, if you've ever given talks to kids
00:06:54.320 it's like the hardest thing ever.
00:06:55.900 I'd much rather talk to adults.
00:06:58.000 And at the end of it, she asked if there was any questions
00:07:00.680 and the hands started going up.
00:07:02.100 And the kids asked really intelligent question
00:07:04.600 which made her realize that what she shared
00:07:06.600 was really valuable and that they got it.
00:07:09.520 And there's nothing better than helping somebody else
00:07:12.660 and getting them to give you feedback
00:07:14.340 on how what you shared with them served them.
00:07:17.480 So if you wanna build your confidence,
00:07:19.040 I'm gonna highly recommend that you reach out to people,
00:07:21.700 offer of your service by coaching other people,
00:07:24.320 consulting other people, just showing up and being a friend.
00:07:27.720 That service will give you back the confidence.
00:07:30.820 So the more you give, the more you're gonna get back.
00:07:33.600 So offer to mentor, offer to speak,
00:07:35.820 offer to show up and teach whatever you know.
00:07:38.700 Be free about it because the information
00:07:40.920 that we give away freely gives us permission
00:07:43.640 to charge a premium for what we know how to do.
00:07:46.960 So if you wanna get more confidence,
00:07:49.400 give so you have people asking you to help them
00:07:52.340 and potentially get paid for it.
00:07:54.380 That's the best way to feel confident
00:07:55.980 if people are willing to give you money for what you know.
00:07:58.320 So quick recap, if you wanna build your confidence,
00:08:00.640 you have to keep the commitments you make to yourself.
00:08:03.220 You need to have a vision for your life
00:08:05.460 that is big so it'll pull you forward.
00:08:07.780 You also need to focus on the volume of effort
00:08:10.380 that you're putting it in to build that confidence
00:08:12.380 and last, offer to help others, coach others,
00:08:14.640 mentor others, speak to other groups
00:08:16.500 to build that confidence.
00:08:18.280 If you like this episode,
00:08:19.680 please be sure to share it with somebody
00:08:21.280 you think you could serve.
00:08:22.700 Subscribe, leave a comment and let me know.
00:08:24.840 And as I mentioned,
00:08:25.880 I've got this incredible training called Future Living
00:08:28.720 where I teach you how to set a vision for your life
00:08:31.780 but live six months into the future where you're at today
00:08:34.280 so that you can take actions,
00:08:36.080 you can show up with that energy
00:08:37.360 to be able to accomplish your goals today.
00:08:39.640 It's a model I created for one of my programs
00:08:41.660 I'd love to share with you.
00:08:42.800 So click the link below to watch that right away.
00:08:45.360 And as per usual, I wanna challenge you
00:08:46.960 to live a bigger life and a bigger business.
00:08:49.120 And I'll see you next Monday.