Dan Martell - October 29, 2018


How To Raise Growth Minded Children


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

197.36235

Word count

2,140

Sentence count

116

Harmful content

Misogyny

1

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Dan Martell talks about the importance of having a growth mindset in your child and how he and his wife are doing it in their home in Canada. He talks about what he's learned so far and what they do to keep their kids focused and on track with their goals.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.120 Hey there, Dan Martell here,
00:00:01.120 serial entrepreneur, investor, and creator of SaaS Academy.
00:00:04.080 And in this video, I'm gonna go totally left field
00:00:06.840 and talk about how to raise growth-minded children.
00:00:10.600 I get asked all the time, I figured why not shoot a video
00:00:13.640 and be sure to stay at the end.
00:00:14.680 I'm gonna share with you a video which I shot
00:00:16.880 with my buddy Jarrett, my videographer,
00:00:18.840 essentially a day in the life with my wife and my children,
00:00:21.720 our rituals, our thoughts on communication, education.
00:00:25.040 I'll tell you how to get access to that at the end.
00:00:27.600 So let's rock it.
00:00:30.000 So six years ago, I was blessed with the news that I was going to become a father.
00:00:46.120 Now, at the time, you've got to understand this.
00:00:48.120 We were living in San Francisco, my wife and I.
00:00:50.460 I had just started Clarity.
00:00:52.240 I think I just closed my round of funding.
00:00:54.480 My wife started a new agency with a co-founder.
00:00:57.820 and we decided we were gonna move back to Canada.
00:01:02.140 Not at first, but eventually we did it.
00:01:03.700 So then we did that.
00:01:04.640 Then literally two months after our first son was born,
00:01:08.600 we found out that my wife was pregnant with our second.
00:01:10.780 So our two boys, Max and Noah, are 11 months apart.
00:01:14.720 Now here's the crazy part.
00:01:15.780 Even though that put a lot of strain
00:01:17.360 on how I approach my day from a business point of view,
00:01:21.040 from a health point of view,
00:01:21.940 from being a great husband for my wife point of view,
00:01:25.940 the biggest concern I had growing up in a challenging environment
00:01:31.600 was how do I ensure that I don't continue the cycle that I was exposed to?
00:01:37.260 And I say that because one of the number one thing,
00:01:39.800 if I asked you this question, you're dying in a week.
00:01:43.200 I don't mean to be morbid, but it's a really important question.
00:01:45.060 If you're dying in a week,
00:01:46.300 what are the three things that you would do in the next seven days?
00:01:49.320 And one of them for me was to teach my kids about life,
00:01:53.580 about what I had learned,
00:01:55.260 even though I came from some really challenging environments,
00:01:57.440 what I had learned to eventually achieve
00:01:59.780 some levels of success in my life in different areas.
00:02:02.520 And that's where this whole process
00:02:05.340 of reading all the best books on growth mindset
00:02:09.780 and children's psychology and parenting,
00:02:12.580 talking to sports psychologists,
00:02:14.260 because they spend a lot of time trying to dissect
00:02:15.940 and really reconnect high-performance mindsets
00:02:19.860 with athletic and children.
00:02:21.420 and just getting some incredible ideas.
00:02:25.220 So what I want to share with you is what I've learned so far.
00:02:27.440 It's an early process, but I think if you're interested in this topic,
00:02:30.820 you'll find it pretty fascinating.
00:02:33.000 Number one, meditation.
00:02:34.720 So this might sound crazy, but I've been meditating with my kids for years,
00:02:39.220 and they're just still little.
00:02:40.900 And the way we do it is it was really just about taking a few minutes.
00:02:44.040 At first, it started with two or three minutes.
00:02:45.700 At night, sitting down, quiet breath, closing our eyes.
00:02:48.600 And honestly, your kids are probably going to appreciate it,
00:02:50.480 because anytime they're ready to go for bed,
00:02:52.780 this is the way I did it, when it was bedtime,
00:02:55.080 I always said, hey, do you wanna go to meditate
00:02:56.480 or do you wanna go read a book?
00:02:57.380 And I said, meditate, because all kids will do
00:02:59.420 whatever they can to avoid going to bed.
00:03:02.100 So, and we would just sit there, close our eyes,
00:03:04.020 and do some breathing techniques.
00:03:05.100 So that was when they were like two and three, okay?
00:03:08.240 Then as they kind of start understanding words
00:03:11.560 and sentences and all that fun stuff,
00:03:13.040 we use an app called Meditation for Children.
00:03:15.940 It's awesome, it's simple,
00:03:17.600 it's a five and a half minute meditation.
00:03:19.640 And what's crazy today is my children
00:03:22.740 actually guide the meditation.
00:03:24.420 I'm not even joking.
00:03:26.180 We'll sit there and Max and Noah each will,
00:03:28.420 right before we read our books,
00:03:29.760 they'll each take turns guiding the meditation.
00:03:32.560 Now, do they miss 30 to 40% of the content?
00:03:35.220 Absolutely.
00:03:36.280 But do they feel empowered and excited
00:03:38.960 to actually do that meditation?
00:03:40.300 100%.
00:03:41.260 And then so essentially on the third night,
00:03:42.800 we play the app.
00:03:43.640 So number one, I think it's important from
00:03:46.000 a mindfulness approach of making sure
00:03:49.340 your kids are focused and understand how the mind plays into the world, and also an awareness of
00:03:54.000 being able to teach them that where their awareness goes, their energy flows, and I think that's such
00:04:00.820 a powerful thing, even if they don't get that concept today, to kind of instill at the beginning.
00:04:06.360 Number two, growth mindset. Now, there's an incredible book by Carol Dweck written on this
00:04:11.440 topic. She has a chapter that speaks specifically to children, and for me, this is everything.
00:04:17.640 You know, most of the world's population run around with the belief,
00:04:21.720 this is the belief, the quick test, that their IQ is fixed.
00:04:25.000 80% of the world's population believes that they can't get smarter.
00:04:29.600 When all the science and statistics and all that stuff prove that that's absolutely wrong,
00:04:34.180 80% of the population believe.
00:04:35.520 The ones that are in the 20%, they're the ones that achieve. 0.74
00:04:38.420 They're the ones that grow.
00:04:39.400 They're the ones that, when you look at their performance, the high-performance people,
00:04:43.720 And that just means that over a period of time,
00:04:46.820 they sustain a higher quality of life
00:04:49.040 in all aspects of their life.
00:04:50.600 Those folks have a growth mindset.
00:04:53.960 So what I've done is I've taken everything from that book
00:04:56.980 and tried to apply it to my kids
00:04:58.560 to teach them the difference between a fixed mindset
00:05:00.860 and a growth mindset.
00:05:02.300 One of the biggest thing is just the act of trying and failing.
00:05:05.660 So one of my favorite questions to ask my kids
00:05:07.600 when I pick them up at school is,
00:05:10.000 what have you failed at today?
00:05:11.500 and I'll sit there and let them stumble
00:05:13.980 and they're like, nothing.
00:05:15.460 I go, did you try anything that didn't work out
00:05:17.120 the way you thought?
00:05:17.780 Yes, this thing.
00:05:18.620 Awesome, congratulations.
00:05:19.900 I celebrate the failure or the trying
00:05:22.840 because that is the core essence of growth mindset.
00:05:27.780 So try that with your kids.
00:05:29.300 Number three, encourage the effort.
00:05:31.600 So one of the biggest things that I've taken away
00:05:34.200 on the realm of growth mindset
00:05:35.860 is when a child does something impressive to them
00:05:39.680 and to you maybe,
00:05:40.360 they want to come up and they want to be recognized
00:05:42.600 for the outcome.
00:05:44.340 What I do is I quickly reverse it and say,
00:05:47.560 how much energy did you put in getting that outcome?
00:05:50.300 How many times did you try?
00:05:51.940 So my son recently learned to ride his bike.
00:05:54.500 Instead of being like, oh my God, you're amazing.
00:05:56.680 You're riding your bike.
00:05:57.920 I said, hey, you know, how many times did you try
00:06:01.120 to ride your bike?
00:06:02.020 Dozens of times.
00:06:03.180 Did you fall?
00:06:04.020 Yes, but you kept getting back up.
00:06:05.860 Yes, awesome, that is cool.
00:06:08.520 That is the part that dad is super proud of you about
00:06:11.240 is the fact that you didn't stop and you kept trying
00:06:13.360 because now you can ride a bike
00:06:14.960 and that's gonna allow you to do a whole bunch of stuff
00:06:16.560 because next week I'm gonna teach you
00:06:17.760 how to launch yourself off that jump.
00:06:20.440 No, my wife always stops me before we get to that point, 1.00
00:06:23.060 but that to me is a huge shift
00:06:26.480 in just even the way we communicate with our kids
00:06:28.420 is to encourage the effort.
00:06:30.100 Number four, recognize the journey.
00:06:32.020 I think too often as adults, definitely as kids,
00:06:36.160 we make progress and we don't kind of look at how far we've come.
00:06:41.020 Just think about this.
00:06:41.820 If you were just heads down hiking a mountain,
00:06:43.620 you wanted to climb some crazy mountain
00:06:45.300 and just one step in front of the other
00:06:46.860 and you're breathing and you're hydration and you're energy levels
00:06:49.580 and you're just going, if you just kept looking up,
00:06:51.740 you might feel super deflated that there's still
00:06:54.040 this ungodly amount of elevation that you gotta make.
00:06:57.040 But if you stop, look behind you
00:06:59.860 and take in the inspiration of the distance
00:07:04.120 that you've already traveled,
00:07:05.180 that is the motivation to keep going.
00:07:08.160 And to me, that is something I learned
00:07:09.500 from my buddy Todd Herman,
00:07:10.720 incredible high-performance coach and mindset guy.
00:07:14.580 We were talking about children and growth mindset
00:07:16.520 because he's got three incredible children.
00:07:18.840 It was really just recognize the journey.
00:07:21.180 And that distinction was super new to me
00:07:22.980 and I think it is probably one of the most important parts
00:07:25.960 that's never talked about around growth-minded children
00:07:28.160 is just allow them to recognize
00:07:30.580 how far they've come from where they started
00:07:32.920 so they can get excited about continuing on
00:07:35.540 and realizing that sometimes it's persistence
00:07:37.560 and time and focus and trying
00:07:40.320 that's gonna get them those outcomes.
00:07:42.180 Number five, words matter.
00:07:44.640 Now, I believe that people play in,
00:07:46.700 especially children that don't know a lot
00:07:48.200 about kind of like positive mental attitude and whatnot,
00:07:50.480 they play into the labels we give them.
00:07:53.380 And you're probably doing this unconsciously.
00:07:56.060 You're saying, man, he's really good at math.
00:07:57.900 He's not so good at math, but he's really good at this
00:07:59.700 or he's really good at that.
00:08:00.820 I am ridiculously careful what I label my children
00:08:05.060 at good or bad at.
00:08:06.560 Why?
00:08:07.080 Because I've studied and read so many biographies
00:08:10.140 of so many people that had different circumstances
00:08:13.340 and regardless of what they were good or bad at,
00:08:16.040 they overcame those odds.
00:08:17.420 And I never want my children to ever feel
00:08:19.580 that because somebody said they weren't good
00:08:22.860 at a topic that that's true.
00:08:24.260 Because it's not.
00:08:25.320 If you believe in the growth mindset,
00:08:26.680 you know that that can be rewired and change and grow.
00:08:28.880 So it's just not true.
00:08:30.820 So, I mean, even to the point that my kids, Max and Noah,
00:08:34.000 I actually called them that because I read somewhere
00:08:36.420 in all these different parenting books
00:08:37.920 that your oldest is typically more timid
00:08:39.860 and the second is a little bit more wild.
00:08:42.340 So, my oldest is called Max
00:08:43.640 because I want him to stand into that energy
00:08:45.500 and I think I read about Dennis the Menace.
00:08:48.540 Like, a lot of kids named Dennis,
00:08:49.940 there's a disproportionate amount
00:08:51.080 of people incarcerated named Dustin.
00:08:53.200 I don't have the data set on this.
00:08:54.660 I read it in a book and it kind of made some sense.
00:08:56.760 If I was picking names that I liked,
00:08:58.060 I just kind of indexed towards two that made sense
00:09:00.660 and Noah is my second oldest
00:09:01.920 because I need him to chill out
00:09:02.900 and calm down a little bit.
00:09:04.260 Now, crazy enough, it turned out that way.
00:09:06.160 Who knows if it would have been different
00:09:07.320 if they had different names,
00:09:08.480 but to me, words matter.
00:09:10.280 So much, though, that I'm very conscious
00:09:12.260 to the language that I use,
00:09:14.520 how to describe their skills, their strengths,
00:09:18.400 and really what words I use
00:09:20.980 because I think that the example I set
00:09:23.360 is gonna be so important
00:09:25.840 to the way they approach their family in the future
00:09:28.060 and the way they interact with the rest of the world.
00:09:29.740 So quick recap on how to raise growth-minded children.
00:09:33.840 One, meditation, bring awareness.
00:09:35.840 Two, build a growth mindset.
00:09:38.020 Three, encourage the effort.
00:09:40.780 Four, recognize the journey.
00:09:43.380 And five, words matter.
00:09:46.240 As I mentioned at the beginning,
00:09:47.300 I wanna share a micro-documentary
00:09:49.100 that I created called The Integrated Family.
00:09:51.420 I shot it with my buddy Jarrett,
00:09:52.560 and in it, it's really a day in the life
00:09:54.560 of my wife and I and our two kids.
00:09:56.620 I pretty much let Jarrett come into my house at 4.30 in the morning
00:10:00.200 and just kind of sneak his way around videotaping all aspects
00:10:03.820 and interviewed my wife and I about ideas around how we communicate with each other
00:10:08.080 and the challenges that we face and overcome them,
00:10:10.460 how we think about education, our children's rituals and routines
00:10:14.920 and a bunch of other stuff.
00:10:16.520 Not that I feel we have it figured out,
00:10:18.280 but I think it might inspire you to just have a different perspective
00:10:21.200 on family, business, and trying to get as much as you can
00:10:25.880 out of your day.
00:10:27.020 So the link is below.
00:10:28.020 Click that.
00:10:28.840 Have a look.
00:10:29.440 If there's somebody else that you think it could serve,
00:10:31.020 feel free to share it with them.
00:10:32.720 If you like this video, click the like button,
00:10:34.980 subscribe to my channel, and as per usual,
00:10:37.460 I want to challenge you to live a bigger life
00:10:38.780 and a bigger business, and I'll see you next Monday.
00:10:45.300 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
00:10:49.200 Huh, yeah.
00:10:50.360 Alright.