Dan Martell - October 29, 2018


How To Raise Growth Minded Children


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

197.36235

Word Count

2,140

Sentence Count

116

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.120 Hey there, Dan Martell here,
00:00:01.120 serial entrepreneur, investor, and creator of SaaS Academy.
00:00:04.080 And in this video, I'm gonna go totally left field
00:00:06.840 and talk about how to raise growth-minded children.
00:00:10.600 I get asked all the time, I figured why not shoot a video
00:00:13.640 and be sure to stay at the end.
00:00:14.680 I'm gonna share with you a video which I shot
00:00:16.880 with my buddy Jarrett, my videographer,
00:00:18.840 essentially a day in the life with my wife and my children,
00:00:21.720 our rituals, our thoughts on communication, education.
00:00:25.040 I'll tell you how to get access to that at the end.
00:00:27.600 So let's rock it.
00:00:30.000 So six years ago, I was blessed with the news that I was going to become a father.
00:00:46.120 Now, at the time, you've got to understand this.
00:00:48.120 We were living in San Francisco, my wife and I.
00:00:50.460 I had just started Clarity.
00:00:52.240 I think I just closed my round of funding.
00:00:54.480 My wife started a new agency with a co-founder.
00:00:57.820 and we decided we were gonna move back to Canada.
00:01:02.140 Not at first, but eventually we did it.
00:01:03.700 So then we did that.
00:01:04.640 Then literally two months after our first son was born,
00:01:08.600 we found out that my wife was pregnant with our second.
00:01:10.780 So our two boys, Max and Noah, are 11 months apart.
00:01:14.720 Now here's the crazy part.
00:01:15.780 Even though that put a lot of strain
00:01:17.360 on how I approach my day from a business point of view,
00:01:21.040 from a health point of view,
00:01:21.940 from being a great husband for my wife point of view,
00:01:25.940 the biggest concern I had growing up in a challenging environment
00:01:31.600 was how do I ensure that I don't continue the cycle that I was exposed to?
00:01:37.260 And I say that because one of the number one thing,
00:01:39.800 if I asked you this question, you're dying in a week.
00:01:43.200 I don't mean to be morbid, but it's a really important question.
00:01:45.060 If you're dying in a week,
00:01:46.300 what are the three things that you would do in the next seven days?
00:01:49.320 And one of them for me was to teach my kids about life,
00:01:53.580 about what I had learned,
00:01:55.260 even though I came from some really challenging environments,
00:01:57.440 what I had learned to eventually achieve
00:01:59.780 some levels of success in my life in different areas.
00:02:02.520 And that's where this whole process
00:02:05.340 of reading all the best books on growth mindset
00:02:09.780 and children's psychology and parenting,
00:02:12.580 talking to sports psychologists,
00:02:14.260 because they spend a lot of time trying to dissect
00:02:15.940 and really reconnect high-performance mindsets
00:02:19.860 with athletic and children.
00:02:21.420 and just getting some incredible ideas.
00:02:25.220 So what I want to share with you is what I've learned so far.
00:02:27.440 It's an early process, but I think if you're interested in this topic,
00:02:30.820 you'll find it pretty fascinating.
00:02:33.000 Number one, meditation.
00:02:34.720 So this might sound crazy, but I've been meditating with my kids for years,
00:02:39.220 and they're just still little.
00:02:40.900 And the way we do it is it was really just about taking a few minutes.
00:02:44.040 At first, it started with two or three minutes.
00:02:45.700 At night, sitting down, quiet breath, closing our eyes.
00:02:48.600 And honestly, your kids are probably going to appreciate it,
00:02:50.480 because anytime they're ready to go for bed,
00:02:52.780 this is the way I did it, when it was bedtime,
00:02:55.080 I always said, hey, do you wanna go to meditate
00:02:56.480 or do you wanna go read a book?
00:02:57.380 And I said, meditate, because all kids will do
00:02:59.420 whatever they can to avoid going to bed.
00:03:02.100 So, and we would just sit there, close our eyes,
00:03:04.020 and do some breathing techniques.
00:03:05.100 So that was when they were like two and three, okay?
00:03:08.240 Then as they kind of start understanding words
00:03:11.560 and sentences and all that fun stuff,
00:03:13.040 we use an app called Meditation for Children.
00:03:15.940 It's awesome, it's simple,
00:03:17.600 it's a five and a half minute meditation.
00:03:19.640 And what's crazy today is my children
00:03:22.740 actually guide the meditation.
00:03:24.420 I'm not even joking.
00:03:26.180 We'll sit there and Max and Noah each will,
00:03:28.420 right before we read our books,
00:03:29.760 they'll each take turns guiding the meditation.
00:03:32.560 Now, do they miss 30 to 40% of the content?
00:03:35.220 Absolutely.
00:03:36.280 But do they feel empowered and excited
00:03:38.960 to actually do that meditation?
00:03:40.300 100%.
00:03:41.260 And then so essentially on the third night,
00:03:42.800 we play the app.
00:03:43.640 So number one, I think it's important from
00:03:46.000 a mindfulness approach of making sure
00:03:49.340 your kids are focused and understand how the mind plays into the world, and also an awareness of
00:03:54.000 being able to teach them that where their awareness goes, their energy flows, and I think that's such
00:04:00.820 a powerful thing, even if they don't get that concept today, to kind of instill at the beginning.
00:04:06.360 Number two, growth mindset. Now, there's an incredible book by Carol Dweck written on this
00:04:11.440 topic. She has a chapter that speaks specifically to children, and for me, this is everything.
00:04:17.640 You know, most of the world's population run around with the belief,
00:04:21.720 this is the belief, the quick test, that their IQ is fixed.
00:04:25.000 80% of the world's population believes that they can't get smarter.
00:04:29.600 When all the science and statistics and all that stuff prove that that's absolutely wrong,
00:04:34.180 80% of the population believe.
00:04:35.520 The ones that are in the 20%, they're the ones that achieve.
00:04:38.420 They're the ones that grow.
00:04:39.400 They're the ones that, when you look at their performance, the high-performance people,
00:04:43.720 And that just means that over a period of time,
00:04:46.820 they sustain a higher quality of life
00:04:49.040 in all aspects of their life.
00:04:50.600 Those folks have a growth mindset.
00:04:53.960 So what I've done is I've taken everything from that book
00:04:56.980 and tried to apply it to my kids
00:04:58.560 to teach them the difference between a fixed mindset
00:05:00.860 and a growth mindset.
00:05:02.300 One of the biggest thing is just the act of trying and failing.
00:05:05.660 So one of my favorite questions to ask my kids
00:05:07.600 when I pick them up at school is,
00:05:10.000 what have you failed at today?
00:05:11.500 and I'll sit there and let them stumble
00:05:13.980 and they're like, nothing.
00:05:15.460 I go, did you try anything that didn't work out
00:05:17.120 the way you thought?
00:05:17.780 Yes, this thing.
00:05:18.620 Awesome, congratulations.
00:05:19.900 I celebrate the failure or the trying
00:05:22.840 because that is the core essence of growth mindset.
00:05:27.780 So try that with your kids.
00:05:29.300 Number three, encourage the effort.
00:05:31.600 So one of the biggest things that I've taken away
00:05:34.200 on the realm of growth mindset
00:05:35.860 is when a child does something impressive to them
00:05:39.680 and to you maybe,
00:05:40.360 they want to come up and they want to be recognized
00:05:42.600 for the outcome.
00:05:44.340 What I do is I quickly reverse it and say,
00:05:47.560 how much energy did you put in getting that outcome?
00:05:50.300 How many times did you try?
00:05:51.940 So my son recently learned to ride his bike.
00:05:54.500 Instead of being like, oh my God, you're amazing.
00:05:56.680 You're riding your bike.
00:05:57.920 I said, hey, you know, how many times did you try
00:06:01.120 to ride your bike?
00:06:02.020 Dozens of times.
00:06:03.180 Did you fall?
00:06:04.020 Yes, but you kept getting back up.
00:06:05.860 Yes, awesome, that is cool.
00:06:08.520 That is the part that dad is super proud of you about
00:06:11.240 is the fact that you didn't stop and you kept trying
00:06:13.360 because now you can ride a bike
00:06:14.960 and that's gonna allow you to do a whole bunch of stuff
00:06:16.560 because next week I'm gonna teach you
00:06:17.760 how to launch yourself off that jump.
00:06:20.440 No, my wife always stops me before we get to that point,
00:06:23.060 but that to me is a huge shift
00:06:26.480 in just even the way we communicate with our kids
00:06:28.420 is to encourage the effort.
00:06:30.100 Number four, recognize the journey.
00:06:32.020 I think too often as adults, definitely as kids,
00:06:36.160 we make progress and we don't kind of look at how far we've come.
00:06:41.020 Just think about this.
00:06:41.820 If you were just heads down hiking a mountain,
00:06:43.620 you wanted to climb some crazy mountain
00:06:45.300 and just one step in front of the other
00:06:46.860 and you're breathing and you're hydration and you're energy levels
00:06:49.580 and you're just going, if you just kept looking up,
00:06:51.740 you might feel super deflated that there's still
00:06:54.040 this ungodly amount of elevation that you gotta make.
00:06:57.040 But if you stop, look behind you
00:06:59.860 and take in the inspiration of the distance
00:07:04.120 that you've already traveled,
00:07:05.180 that is the motivation to keep going.
00:07:08.160 And to me, that is something I learned
00:07:09.500 from my buddy Todd Herman,
00:07:10.720 incredible high-performance coach and mindset guy.
00:07:14.580 We were talking about children and growth mindset
00:07:16.520 because he's got three incredible children.
00:07:18.840 It was really just recognize the journey.
00:07:21.180 And that distinction was super new to me
00:07:22.980 and I think it is probably one of the most important parts
00:07:25.960 that's never talked about around growth-minded children
00:07:28.160 is just allow them to recognize
00:07:30.580 how far they've come from where they started
00:07:32.920 so they can get excited about continuing on
00:07:35.540 and realizing that sometimes it's persistence
00:07:37.560 and time and focus and trying
00:07:40.320 that's gonna get them those outcomes.
00:07:42.180 Number five, words matter.
00:07:44.640 Now, I believe that people play in,
00:07:46.700 especially children that don't know a lot
00:07:48.200 about kind of like positive mental attitude and whatnot,
00:07:50.480 they play into the labels we give them.
00:07:53.380 And you're probably doing this unconsciously.
00:07:56.060 You're saying, man, he's really good at math.
00:07:57.900 He's not so good at math, but he's really good at this
00:07:59.700 or he's really good at that.
00:08:00.820 I am ridiculously careful what I label my children
00:08:05.060 at good or bad at.
00:08:06.560 Why?
00:08:07.080 Because I've studied and read so many biographies
00:08:10.140 of so many people that had different circumstances
00:08:13.340 and regardless of what they were good or bad at,
00:08:16.040 they overcame those odds.
00:08:17.420 And I never want my children to ever feel
00:08:19.580 that because somebody said they weren't good
00:08:22.860 at a topic that that's true.
00:08:24.260 Because it's not.
00:08:25.320 If you believe in the growth mindset,
00:08:26.680 you know that that can be rewired and change and grow.
00:08:28.880 So it's just not true.
00:08:30.820 So, I mean, even to the point that my kids, Max and Noah,
00:08:34.000 I actually called them that because I read somewhere
00:08:36.420 in all these different parenting books
00:08:37.920 that your oldest is typically more timid
00:08:39.860 and the second is a little bit more wild.
00:08:42.340 So, my oldest is called Max
00:08:43.640 because I want him to stand into that energy
00:08:45.500 and I think I read about Dennis the Menace.
00:08:48.540 Like, a lot of kids named Dennis,
00:08:49.940 there's a disproportionate amount
00:08:51.080 of people incarcerated named Dustin.
00:08:53.200 I don't have the data set on this.
00:08:54.660 I read it in a book and it kind of made some sense.
00:08:56.760 If I was picking names that I liked,
00:08:58.060 I just kind of indexed towards two that made sense
00:09:00.660 and Noah is my second oldest
00:09:01.920 because I need him to chill out
00:09:02.900 and calm down a little bit.
00:09:04.260 Now, crazy enough, it turned out that way.
00:09:06.160 Who knows if it would have been different
00:09:07.320 if they had different names,
00:09:08.480 but to me, words matter.
00:09:10.280 So much, though, that I'm very conscious
00:09:12.260 to the language that I use,
00:09:14.520 how to describe their skills, their strengths,
00:09:18.400 and really what words I use
00:09:20.980 because I think that the example I set
00:09:23.360 is gonna be so important
00:09:25.840 to the way they approach their family in the future
00:09:28.060 and the way they interact with the rest of the world.
00:09:29.740 So quick recap on how to raise growth-minded children.
00:09:33.840 One, meditation, bring awareness.
00:09:35.840 Two, build a growth mindset.
00:09:38.020 Three, encourage the effort.
00:09:40.780 Four, recognize the journey.
00:09:43.380 And five, words matter.
00:09:46.240 As I mentioned at the beginning,
00:09:47.300 I wanna share a micro-documentary
00:09:49.100 that I created called The Integrated Family.
00:09:51.420 I shot it with my buddy Jarrett,
00:09:52.560 and in it, it's really a day in the life
00:09:54.560 of my wife and I and our two kids.
00:09:56.620 I pretty much let Jarrett come into my house at 4.30 in the morning
00:10:00.200 and just kind of sneak his way around videotaping all aspects
00:10:03.820 and interviewed my wife and I about ideas around how we communicate with each other
00:10:08.080 and the challenges that we face and overcome them,
00:10:10.460 how we think about education, our children's rituals and routines
00:10:14.920 and a bunch of other stuff.
00:10:16.520 Not that I feel we have it figured out,
00:10:18.280 but I think it might inspire you to just have a different perspective
00:10:21.200 on family, business, and trying to get as much as you can
00:10:25.880 out of your day.
00:10:27.020 So the link is below.
00:10:28.020 Click that.
00:10:28.840 Have a look.
00:10:29.440 If there's somebody else that you think it could serve,
00:10:31.020 feel free to share it with them.
00:10:32.720 If you like this video, click the like button,
00:10:34.980 subscribe to my channel, and as per usual,
00:10:37.460 I want to challenge you to live a bigger life
00:10:38.780 and a bigger business, and I'll see you next Monday.
00:10:45.300 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
00:10:49.200 Huh, yeah.
00:10:50.360 Alright.