Dan Martell - February 22, 2021


How To Raise Successful Kids To Be Winners


Episode Stats

Length

14 minutes

Words per Minute

208.87431

Word Count

3,121

Sentence Count

138

Misogynist Sentences

2


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
00:00:00.000 Hey there, I'm Dan Martell,
00:00:01.040 serial entrepreneur, investor, and creator of SaaS Academy.
00:00:03.000 In this episode, I'm gonna share with you
00:00:04.400 how to raise successful kids to be winners.
00:00:07.080 And I know you're like, who is this guy
00:00:08.560 and why is he telling me about how to raise my kids?
00:00:10.960 Trust me, I'm going to break down things
00:00:13.240 that I've learned the hard way
00:00:15.280 from people that are way smarter than me.
00:00:17.800 And be sure to stay at the end
00:00:18.600 where I'm gonna tell you how to get access
00:00:19.940 to my micro doc called The Integrated Family,
00:00:23.260 where my wife who created The Family Academy
00:00:25.620 is gonna share with you the very specific cadences
00:00:28.880 and rhythms and strategies that we use
00:00:30.580 to essentially manage our household.
00:00:32.680 Let's get into it.
00:00:45.980 So this is crazy, but as an entrepreneur
00:00:49.100 and a successful wealthy person,
00:00:52.140 my biggest fear having kids for a long time
00:00:55.360 was that I wasn't gonna be present for them
00:00:58.660 or when I have kids that I would inadvertently create
00:01:02.760 and raise entitled children.
00:01:04.440 That is literally, and for a long time,
00:01:06.300 I was like, maybe I'm not meant to have children.
00:01:08.320 Maybe I shouldn't.
00:01:09.260 Maybe like my drive and my obsession
00:01:11.740 would be literally the worst circumstance
00:01:14.460 to have kids into.
00:01:16.420 And here's what I discovered.
00:01:17.980 My children have become the biggest blessing and gift to me.
00:01:21.700 I mean, I still remember when Max was first born
00:01:24.160 that there was this experience in this moment
00:01:26.480 where I realized that for the first time in my life,
00:01:28.660 I'm responsible for something that's gonna be around
00:01:32.060 way past my time here on earth,
00:01:33.740 which was just in a beautiful realization.
00:01:36.260 And it made me dig deep and ask myself,
00:01:39.180 like, what are these beliefs?
00:01:40.400 What are these behaviors that I have
00:01:42.460 that aren't gonna support them?
00:01:43.720 How do I want to show up as a father?
00:01:46.040 How do I wanna raise my kids?
00:01:48.040 How do I wanna co-parent with my wife?
00:01:50.540 And we went down the path of reading the books,
00:01:53.080 hiring the experts.
00:01:54.340 And I'll tell you, we had our freaking challenges,
00:01:56.460 like everything from having to hire a sleep training expert
00:01:59.840 to hiring somebody to help us coordinate our lives
00:02:03.580 so that we could both be driven entrepreneurs
00:02:06.080 at the same time, be incredibly present
00:02:08.320 and caring parents, you know?
00:02:10.720 And I've had incredible mentors,
00:02:12.640 guys like Stu McLaren,
00:02:14.100 who's just an incredible human being,
00:02:15.380 Todd Herman, who wrote The Alter Ego,
00:02:17.000 Garrett Gunderson, who has this whole like family crest
00:02:19.680 and family value strategy.
00:02:21.160 These friends of mine have really inspired me
00:02:24.780 to step up my parenthood
00:02:28.140 so that I could be the best version
00:02:30.020 and expression for my kids.
00:02:31.660 What I wanna share with you
00:02:32.760 is 100% me standing on the shoulders of giants
00:02:35.400 and I'm gonna teach you the big takeaways
00:02:37.200 I learned from these incredible experts
00:02:39.940 and mentors to help me raise kids that today,
00:02:43.460 yes, they go through challenges,
00:02:45.560 but I'm telling you,
00:02:46.640 the downs are not as long anymore.
00:02:49.060 The opportunity, the way they're showing up,
00:02:51.220 the way they're developing as little boys
00:02:52.900 is incredibly amazing.
00:02:55.200 So I have two little boys, they're seven and eight today,
00:02:57.300 but I'm gonna share with you the lessons that I've learned
00:02:59.820 that I think are quite unique.
00:03:01.300 You've probably never heard them before
00:03:02.420 to really help me shape their ideas
00:03:05.340 and be a great parent for them, monkey see, monkey do.
00:03:08.880 So if your kids are older
00:03:09.840 and you feel like it's two past gone, trust me, it's not.
00:03:12.540 If you haven't had kids yet
00:03:14.260 and you want a good foundation
00:03:15.360 for thinking through how to show up as a parent,
00:03:17.720 you're gonna wanna listen.
00:03:19.160 Here's what I got.
00:03:20.180 Number one, the family name.
00:03:21.840 So one of the things my buddy Todd Herman
00:03:24.220 taught me a long time ago was the idea
00:03:27.320 of what does it mean to be a Martell?
00:03:29.220 What does it mean to be a Herman?
00:03:31.040 And essentially, if you think about it,
00:03:32.580 if you have values, if you want characteristics,
00:03:34.860 if you want behaviors instilled,
00:03:37.360 positive behaviors instilled into your children,
00:03:40.380 then what you need to start talking about at an early age
00:03:43.040 is what does it mean to be a Martell?
00:03:45.160 And I've been doing this since my kids were old enough
00:03:47.420 to really understand language
00:03:48.720 of watching them do things and praising the effort
00:03:53.900 and showing them our actions, my wife and I's actions
00:03:56.780 and saying, this is what Martels do.
00:03:58.880 We do hard things.
00:04:00.340 We try, we take care of our community.
00:04:03.400 We take care of our bodies, health as well.
00:04:05.820 I teach them these things all the time.
00:04:07.760 And I literally wanna ask myself always like,
00:04:10.660 what are the other beliefs that are unspoken?
00:04:12.280 What are the other things that I wanna instill with them?
00:04:14.280 Because honestly, by the time they're born
00:04:16.880 to about 12 or 13,
00:04:18.540 that's where the biggest opportunity is gonna come from.
00:04:20.920 Again, if it's further for you guys,
00:04:22.480 your kids are a lot older, it doesn't change anything.
00:04:24.840 You still have this opportunity,
00:04:26.080 but just ask yourself,
00:04:27.380 what is the identity you want your children to adopt?
00:04:31.240 What do you want them to believe they are
00:04:33.860 or capable of becoming?
00:04:35.580 Or what does it mean to be a Martell?
00:04:37.800 That identity, because your kids will grow into it.
00:04:40.780 They will play into that identity is so powerful.
00:04:43.640 Number two, let the world shape them.
00:04:46.880 So one of the challenges I had was,
00:04:49.820 I grew up in a really challenging environment,
00:04:51.800 had exposure to a lot of trauma growing up as a kid,
00:04:56.200 ended up in foster care and social care,
00:04:58.280 and even ended up in jail a couple of times,
00:05:00.700 all before the age of 17.
00:05:03.240 And I ended up having to go to rehab
00:05:05.040 and I literally transformed my life, okay?
00:05:07.680 And I always thought the success I have today
00:05:09.840 is because I went through so much chaos
00:05:11.360 and I was able to become the person who can overcome that,
00:05:15.360 that I was worried that if my kids grew up in a world
00:05:17.800 that's more like bubble wrap and safe
00:05:21.960 and all these things that they wouldn't develop
00:05:23.940 that ability to overcome adversity.
00:05:26.180 Here's what I've discovered very quickly
00:05:28.680 when we used to bring them to daycare,
00:05:30.320 when they were two years old, three years old,
00:05:32.380 is watching the amount of parents
00:05:34.260 that protected their children, that did stuff for them,
00:05:37.100 that literally like did everything for them.
00:05:40.500 And what I decided at that age
00:05:41.980 is I'm going to let the world shape them,
00:05:45.000 push them. So for example, kids go get a haircut. They're six and seven years old. Guess what?
00:05:49.360 Here's the money. I'll wait in the car and I'll watch you go to the counter, order the haircut,
00:05:54.280 tell them what you want, sit down, pay them, give them the tip, and then come back in the car.
00:05:58.220 And I'll tell you, when I first did that, the person behind the counter came outside and said,
00:06:01.780 excuse me, these kids want a haircut. I said, yeah. Do you understand what they want? Yeah.
00:06:06.200 You just want me to cut their hair? Uh-huh. Go to the market. Same thing. Here's the money. You
00:06:11.260 want to go buy yourself some chicken? You want to buy yourself something at another booth?
00:06:14.820 go ask them to buy it they've been doing it since they were three years old literally like they
00:06:19.660 couldn't even they kind of give the money kind of give the things people thought it was cute
00:06:22.700 but over time i allowed them to just become their own little people to let the world say no to them
00:06:28.680 to let the world and what happens is when those moments happen those learning opportunities and
00:06:33.560 then when they come to me defeated we talk about the the learning and then also show them that hey
00:06:39.160 you gotta you gotta you gotta be proud of yourself for the effort that you put into it did you try
00:06:44.320 I remember my son, Max, and I went hiking in San Diego up this mountain, and he didn't want to do
00:06:50.600 it. And the whole time, I praised him. I said, dude, this is what Martells do. And I'm proud
00:06:56.000 of you from coming from down there all the way up here. And look, if you want to turn around,
00:07:00.440 I understand. But I know where we can go, and I know it's capable for you. And I'm willing to
00:07:05.480 support you, okay? I'm here for you. And he was crying. I don't want to do this. And I'm like,
00:07:09.340 you want to turn around? He's like, no, but why is it so hard? And he made it to the top. And to
00:07:13.320 this day, four years later, he still brings it up.
00:07:17.120 As when I say, what do Martell's do?
00:07:18.680 And he says, hard things?
00:07:19.560 I said, yep.
00:07:20.500 What's an example?
00:07:21.340 He said, climbing that mountain.
00:07:22.400 And that to me is the opportunity for you
00:07:24.420 to just let the world shape them.
00:07:25.760 Don't protect them.
00:07:27.040 Because once they leave your safe nest,
00:07:30.460 trust me, the world will not be a nice place to them
00:07:32.560 if they don't learn to cope with those challenges
00:07:35.760 in that protective and supportive environment,
00:07:38.240 then when they get out there,
00:07:39.080 they're gonna feel a little lost.
00:07:40.440 Number three, think of their kids.
00:07:42.520 This is a big one.
00:07:43.460 This is when I see friends of mine,
00:07:45.540 sometimes, you know, the truth is,
00:07:46.920 is everybody gets upset.
00:07:48.460 People, you know, scream at their kids,
00:07:50.740 you know, grab their kids off the ground,
00:07:52.600 physically kind of, you know, shake them sometimes
00:07:55.440 or whatever happens.
00:07:56.240 Look, no judgment.
00:07:57.020 Everybody's on their own journey.
00:07:57.920 But here's what I know.
00:07:59.620 If you think about what you do
00:08:01.700 and how you talk to your kids,
00:08:03.060 and I'm speaking to the parents out there
00:08:05.100 that scream at their kids.
00:08:06.500 In the morning, they're running late
00:08:07.860 and they're like screaming like,
00:08:09.140 let's go, why are you lollygagging?
00:08:11.160 Why are you dropping?
00:08:11.700 Like, you know who you are, okay?
00:08:14.540 Here's the deal.
00:08:15.260 Just imagine that one day your kids have kids
00:08:17.800 and you're in their house in the morning
00:08:20.060 and they're screaming at your grandkids.
00:08:22.660 Are you gonna feel proud about that?
00:08:24.380 Are you going to go, yeah, that's the right behavior
00:08:26.580 that my kids should have?
00:08:27.940 No, you're not.
00:08:29.260 You're gonna go, oh my gosh,
00:08:30.920 they're doing exactly what I did.
00:08:32.920 Trust me when I say this, monkey see, monkey do.
00:08:36.320 Everything you do today, how you show up,
00:08:39.060 if you're working out in front of your kids,
00:08:40.520 if you're showing them good work ethic,
00:08:42.120 if you're telling them when you make a mistake
00:08:43.660 and apologizing, all these things are shaping your children
00:08:47.100 into building a set of behaviors
00:08:49.900 that they're going to mirror with their kids.
00:08:53.000 So it's not even about you being a better parent
00:08:55.100 for your kids today, it's about you,
00:08:57.080 if you grew up in a challenging environment
00:08:58.640 and you have bad habits you're exposed to,
00:09:01.380 that you break that lineage today
00:09:03.800 by thinking about you becoming a better version of you
00:09:07.020 for them, for their kids, for their, their kids.
00:09:09.480 At the end of the day, you can be the person
00:09:11.980 that stops all the negative and hurtful
00:09:14.920 and fear-based activity from getting propagated
00:09:19.540 into your genetics, into the mindset,
00:09:21.760 into the behaviors that your kids have with their kids.
00:09:23.800 To me, if that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what does.
00:09:27.120 Because all I know is that if I can make a decision
00:09:29.260 to never scream or swear at my kids,
00:09:31.280 and I know that that will be a habit that they learn
00:09:34.360 to take to my grandkids and my great, great grandkids,
00:09:37.240 that's worth the investment today.
00:09:38.960 Number four, schedule family time.
00:09:41.000 So I know this might sound crazy
00:09:42.760 because some of you guys are like,
00:09:43.620 I can't believe you have to schedule family time.
00:09:45.260 At the end of the day, this is my reality.
00:09:47.120 If it's important to me, it ends up in my calendar.
00:09:50.220 I always tell people, they're like,
00:09:51.360 my kids are important, show me your calendar.
00:09:53.360 Where are they?
00:09:54.220 Where's the family time?
00:09:55.220 Where's the play time?
00:09:56.020 Where's the reading to them time?
00:09:57.660 Where's the weekend getaways?
00:09:59.100 Where is it?
00:10:00.040 It's not in your calendar, guess what?
00:10:01.300 It's not important to you
00:10:02.020 because you know what is in there?
00:10:03.360 Your business meetings and your other meetings
00:10:05.420 and your boys' trips and your other stuff.
00:10:07.840 So to me, important things get put in the calendar first
00:10:11.380 so that everything else doesn't override it.
00:10:13.800 So what does that look like in my life?
00:10:15.460 We have weekly cadences, dinner every night together,
00:10:19.640 you know, date night with my wife,
00:10:21.840 but I do that to show my kids that we're still dating
00:10:24.360 because I think it's important for you to be the example.
00:10:27.100 We do monthly getaways with the kids.
00:10:30.040 We do, Sundays is our hike day.
00:10:32.660 So we spend the whole afternoon,
00:10:33.900 we pick hikes and we do them together as a family.
00:10:36.600 I do board meetings, incredible book, read board meetings, okay?
00:10:40.040 It's an incredible book that for me on a quarterly basis,
00:10:43.320 I do half days dedicated one-on-one with each child
00:10:47.240 because a lot of times kids never get your one-on-one attention.
00:10:50.300 So they're always fighting for it or they, you know,
00:10:52.820 and the board meeting has this beautiful structure at the end
00:10:55.180 where you go for a meal and you ask certain questions.
00:10:56.900 And I just think it's a very important ritual and habit
00:10:59.680 that I've been doing since they were babies
00:11:01.460 that I'm inspired because I know my kids
00:11:04.680 are going to do it with their kids.
00:11:05.680 So put it in your calendar, have a schedule,
00:11:09.460 have the family time dedicated and prioritized.
00:11:12.340 Number five, prioritize connection.
00:11:14.360 So here's how I came up with this realization.
00:11:17.960 You know, a friend of mine asked me this really great
00:11:21.000 powerful series of questions of like, you know
00:11:22.920 if you only had five years to live, what would you change?
00:11:25.280 And then I was like, oh, I'd change this
00:11:26.700 and I prioritize that, cool.
00:11:28.340 And then he said, well, what if you only had one year to live?
00:11:30.520 Whoa, one year, that's 12 months.
00:11:31.920 That's not a lot of time.
00:11:33.480 well, I'd probably change this, change this, change that.
00:11:35.740 And he goes, what if you only had one week to live?
00:11:39.060 Well, that's a heavy question.
00:11:40.880 What would you wanna do in that week?
00:11:42.820 And I say, I'd probably wanna get a big house
00:11:46.220 on the side of a mountain or a beach, maybe both,
00:11:49.020 maybe three days here and four days there.
00:11:50.980 And I'd want to travel with my family
00:11:53.520 and my immediate family.
00:11:55.440 And I'd want during that time to teach them
00:11:57.720 everything I've ever learned about life
00:11:59.600 and tell them my story and maybe solve some conflicts
00:12:02.860 that I might've had with whoever, whatever it was,
00:12:04.980 but that was my one week answer.
00:12:07.640 And then his question to me was,
00:12:09.080 why haven't you done that yet?
00:12:11.280 Ooh, that's a real good question.
00:12:13.240 Why haven't I done that yet?
00:12:14.940 So ever since he shared this with me,
00:12:17.480 probably five or six years ago,
00:12:20.380 the one week with my family has been part of our mantra.
00:12:24.220 So essentially this is what we do every year.
00:12:26.340 We do one week with my family
00:12:29.080 and then one week with my wife's family.
00:12:31.540 And it's just realizing not only dedicating that time, right?
00:12:36.700 So we usually do March break with my family
00:12:38.220 and then the summer vacation with my wife's family.
00:12:40.940 But it's also about asking myself,
00:12:43.740 what do I wanna teach my kids?
00:12:45.700 What do I want to share with my brother-in-law's kids?
00:12:49.540 Or what do I wanna share with my nieces and nephews
00:12:51.960 so that I feel good that I got it out?
00:12:54.700 Because we don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring.
00:12:56.720 We don't know how much time we have left on this earth.
00:12:59.120 and if you can just be more deliberate,
00:13:01.580 even if you got that done in the next,
00:13:03.280 you know, whatever your answer to that,
00:13:04.620 if you only had a week live,
00:13:05.840 you could decide the next two years,
00:13:07.160 what would you want to do with that week
00:13:08.420 and just decide to schedule it and focus on it
00:13:10.900 and get that done because at least,
00:13:14.100 and you don't have to make it a reoccurring thing,
00:13:15.480 you literally do it once,
00:13:16.580 but then now you know, you got it out of your heart.
00:13:18.800 So to me, if you want to raise successful kids to be winners,
00:13:23.060 you have to think about how you invest in them,
00:13:25.680 invest in their connections,
00:13:26.780 how you prioritize that time
00:13:28.700 so that you can be the best expression for them
00:13:31.580 because they're looking at you to be an example.
00:13:34.300 So quick recap, five strategies
00:13:36.520 to raise successful kids to be winners.
00:13:38.700 Number one, the family name.
00:13:40.720 What does it mean to be your family name, the identity?
00:13:44.260 Number two, let the world shape them.
00:13:46.460 Number three, think of their kids.
00:13:48.680 Number four, schedule family time.
00:13:50.720 And number five, prioritize connection.
00:13:53.460 As I mentioned at the beginning of this episode,
00:13:55.220 I wanna share with you the micro doc.
00:13:57.020 It's called the Integrated Family.
00:13:58.780 And it's literally a day in the lives of my wife and I
00:14:01.400 from a few years ago.
00:14:02.480 So we look a little different.
00:14:03.700 Our kids are a lot bigger,
00:14:04.980 but it'll give you a sense of kind of the rhythm and flow
00:14:07.420 of a Saturday morning.
00:14:09.020 And literally that's still to this day,
00:14:11.180 what we do on Saturday and where we spend it
00:14:13.700 and the workouts and the market and all that stuff.
00:14:15.600 It's still true today because we're always refining the flow
00:14:19.020 and building good habits and cadences.
00:14:21.420 And then also check out the Family Academy.
00:14:23.720 It's my wife's side project.
00:14:25.680 It literally was just her way of answering questions
00:14:27.900 we were getting all the time
00:14:28.880 around how we manage our entrepreneurial lives
00:14:31.260 and our kids and ways to improve that.
00:14:33.860 So the strategies are all on the Family Academy website.
00:14:36.660 So you can click the link below
00:14:37.500 to get access to both of those.
00:14:39.200 And if you liked this video,
00:14:39.980 be sure to subscribe to my channel,
00:14:41.780 share the video with anybody you think you could serve
00:14:44.000 and leave a comment.
00:14:44.880 Let me know if you have any questions.
00:14:46.500 As for usual, I wanna challenge you
00:14:47.820 to live a bigger life and a bigger business
00:14:49.580 and I'll see you next Monday.
00:14:50.480 how to raise successful winners, Sparta!