Dan Martell - Meet My Wife - Renée Warren

00:00:00.000 Well, I think of like Philip McKernan when we worked with him a few years ago and he has this

00:00:04.900 metaphor about him climbing up the mountain and he's going towards his passion and his wife wasn't

00:00:11.640 next to him and he was really trying to pull her up. She wasn't ready for it. And he finally let

00:00:16.540 go to have her do her own thing to find her own purpose in her own journey. And when she discovered

00:00:22.460 that for herself, whether or not he was already on the other side of the mountain, she was at

00:00:26.480 least making progress and you know speaking to those and I speak to a lot

00:00:31.700 of these people too that don't want to be on board with these rituals and

00:00:35.300 routines and stuff that we do it doesn't work for everybody but if there's one

00:00:40.000 thing that they can do to change the course of their relationship or

00:00:42.960 parenting style do that if it's meeting every two weeks to discuss something do

00:00:47.520 that if it's going on a retreat once a year to completely disconnected do that

00:00:51.920 Ladies and gentlemen, Renee Warren.

00:01:07.420 Hi.

00:01:08.420 I'm gonna shake your hand.

00:01:09.420 How awkward is this?

00:01:10.420 I don't like that at all.

00:01:12.420 I wanna get up and get a hug.

00:01:13.420 Okay.

00:01:14.420 For those that don't know, you are my wife, my beautiful wife, my partner in crime.

00:01:19.420 A lot of people ask me questions,

00:01:21.420 and I figure I'd just get you on here,

00:01:23.040 and we can have the conversation live.

00:01:26.180 So for those that don't know, Renee,

00:01:27.740 why don't you share our love journey, our story?

00:01:33.840 Some people ask about me.

00:01:35.240 All the time.

00:01:35.840 That's awesome.

00:01:36.460 Yeah, they want to know, like, how do you deal with me?

00:01:40.700 How do you deal with the kids?

00:01:43.220 But yeah, why don't you share your version,

00:01:44.960 because there's two.

00:01:45.660 There's the right one and the wrong one of how we met.

00:01:48.460 Right, so we met on Twitter, and you approached me.

00:01:54.960 She's lying.

00:01:55.780 I am.

00:01:57.200 No, I was living in Toronto.

00:01:59.580 You were living in San Francisco at the time.

00:02:02.260 And I saw that you were speaking at an event,

00:02:05.520 and I was dating somebody at the time.

00:02:08.940 And I reached out to you saying, hey, I want to pick your brain.

00:02:12.020 You're free when you're in town.

00:02:13.740 I'd love to talk to you.

00:02:14.640 The time I was managing a small business blog

00:02:16.780 interviewing entrepreneurs had no clue who Dan Martell was and you said sure

00:02:23.620 so we I guess scheduled well you didn't see behind the scenes is me like

00:02:27.160 clicking your photo on Twitter and then going to your Facebook and swiping going

00:02:30.880 she wants to pick my brain heck yeah yeah yeah I didn't have the same you

00:02:35.000 didn't know no you were just doing your job right mm-hmm so anyway this was

00:02:41.040 was several months, maybe several weeks

00:02:43.340 before you actually came to Toronto.

00:02:46.980 In that time, my boyfriend at the time and I broke up,

00:02:51.540 which is fine.

00:02:52.500 It's great.

00:02:53.000 Had nothing to do with you, although you'd

00:02:54.400 like to think it did.

00:02:57.180 And how far into detail am I going with this?

00:02:59.420 I like the story of when you first saw me coming down

00:03:01.540 the elevator.

00:03:02.040 This is a great story.

00:03:03.040 So in Toronto, there's a place called the Mars Center,

00:03:05.840 which is an innovation center.

00:03:06.920 And if you've ever been there before, it's beautiful.

00:03:09.020 They have most of their events on the lower level.

00:03:12.560 And so it's 8 a.m., like the thing is just kicking off.

00:03:15.760 People are slowly starting to show up for registration.

00:03:18.620 And I'm there with people I know,

00:03:20.380 I know most people there, and waiting for you

00:03:24.400 because you, I guess, we had scheduled time to meet.

00:03:27.940 So anyway, I am registering and waiting for you to show up.

00:03:32.220 And I happen to look up these really long set of escalators

00:03:35.680 I go from the ground, maybe basement floor,

00:03:39.200 all the way up to the main floor.

00:03:40.920 And on top of that is a huge skylight

00:03:44.220 that shines down on like the whole main level.

00:03:48.800 So I don't know, for some reason there was,

00:03:50.880 you were the only person on the escalator at this one time.

00:03:54.240 So you're wearing, I think a Flowtown t-shirt.

00:03:56.600 As I wore every day.

00:03:57.440 Yeah, and you had your bag

00:03:59.220 and you were looking at your phone,

00:04:00.560 surprisingly you were looking at your phone.

00:04:02.660 And I happened to look up

00:04:04.120 and like I kind of knew what you looked like over Twitter,

00:04:07.260 but really didn't know what you looked like in person.

00:04:10.840 And so I'm sitting at the bottom of the escalator

00:04:12.760 looking up as you slowly come down

00:04:14.320 at these like beams of sunshine behind your back.

00:04:18.380 And I realized in this moment how good looking you were

00:04:21.940 and I got so nervous because now I'm single.

00:04:26.020 And you finally get down, I don't know,

00:04:29.460 I'm thinking maybe you had the same reaction too,

00:04:31.460 a little bit, yeah?

00:04:32.720 Oh, totally.

00:04:33.800 So you get down to the level, and you're like, hey,

00:04:37.380 you must be Renee.

00:04:39.200 And then what happened?

00:04:40.280 And she totally blew me off. 0.99

00:04:41.960 I was like, hey, so do you want to connect now and chat?

00:04:44.840 And you were like, well, no, you're probably really busy.

00:04:47.660 So feel free to go get ready for your talk.

00:04:49.700 And I'm like, well, my talk's not until this afternoon.

00:04:52.040 You wanted to talk.

00:04:52.880 And you're like, no, that's cool.

00:04:54.620 We can catch up later.

00:04:55.760 I don't want to take you from whatever.

00:04:58.560 And I was just like, wow.

00:04:59.900 She just blew me off. 0.85

00:05:01.100 I also love the fact that sometimes you

00:05:02.600 talk about the crumbs on my chest.

00:05:03.960 Oh, this is so funny, because it's like, it's totally

00:05:06.480 That's totally me.

00:05:07.280 the hugest indication of the person that you are.

00:05:09.360 So we eventually did sit down while we were chatting.

00:05:12.840 And you're just, you're just you.

00:05:16.420 We had a black t-shirt.

00:05:17.660 And he's just got muffin crumbs stuck all over your shirt.

00:05:22.000 And I was like, wow.

00:05:23.100 Yeah, just trying to do too many things at once.

00:05:26.100 Now I don't eat many muffins, but in the time,

00:05:29.140 I really enjoy them.

00:05:30.960 So that's how we met.

00:05:32.120 So now people know you played hard to get at first.

00:05:35.020 And then shortly after, you moved down to San Francisco.

00:05:39.660 I did.

00:05:40.700 Now we have two incredible little boys, Max and Noah.

00:05:45.280 What do you think?

00:05:46.500 I have no clue.

00:05:47.420 We didn't prep for this.

00:05:48.320 So people are curious what it's like to live with me.

00:05:53.660 Yeah, I feel like that's actually maybe the next book

00:05:57.920 that I need to write.

00:05:58.960 And what would the topic, what would be the title called?

00:06:01.320 living with chaos yeah unpack that for people okay so okay i'm gonna premise this entire

00:06:10.280 conversation with the fact that i know hands down that there's any entrepreneur in the world that

00:06:15.560 inspires me the most it's you and every single day while it is so challenging to live with you

00:06:23.480 i wouldn't be the person that i am or the entrepreneur i've ever been because um like

00:06:29.160 because of you so um let's just remember that if this you know conversation goes sideways

00:06:37.480 um well you're really you're in a way you're a scientist because you're always experimenting

00:06:46.120 you're testing your own limits which by default kind of brings us myself and the boys into the

00:06:52.440 equation as well like one day you decided that you're gonna do a triathlon and you didn't even

00:06:57.960 know how to swim and so all of a sudden every morning and every evening you're

00:07:02.760 biking and running and swimming and I'm holding down the fort because I believe

00:07:06.700 like it's inspiring it's encouraging you're setting a great example for not

00:07:10.800 only us but for your community so you're always doing crazy different things like

00:07:19.560 one day or you know doing a 14 to 18 hour fast and all of a sudden now I have

00:07:24.540 hide every single chocolate chip and cookie in the house and then the next week it's okay to have

00:07:29.260 them um so living with you is it's fast paced it never stops it never slows down and there was

00:07:38.060 when we first started dating and we didn't have like kids and houses and too much travel um we

00:07:46.700 could do whatever we wanted and that to me was like kind of an appetizer to the rest of our life

00:07:53.100 I didn't know so I figured you know once we have kids we'll settle down and we'll

00:07:57.240 slow down which never happened it actually got faster what just for people

00:08:01.560 to get a sense of our lives what was July walk them through July okay so June

00:08:06.960 29th school was done we so this this past summer we packed up the kids and we

00:08:15.040 went to Ontario rented a cottage with my family and then we're there for a week

00:08:19.200 we did Toronto for a day then we went to Kelowna for two and a half days then we

00:08:24.000 did Vancouver for a day then Galiana Island for five days came back home for

00:08:30.120 two days and drove to Cape Breton for a weekend yeah most people do not know

00:08:34.960 where Cape Breton is on this podcast so Cape Breton is like think the opposite

00:08:38.520 corner of East Coast Vancouver yeah so it's the East Coast so we went from East

00:08:43.080 Coast all the way to West Coast back to East Coast yeah and then from Cape

00:08:47.760 And we were home for two hours, did a quick switch over,

00:08:50.640 brought the kids to summer camp, dropped them off.

00:08:53.400 Road trip.

00:08:53.940 Then we did a road trip that took us through New Brunswick

00:08:57.000 all the way through Maine.

00:08:58.200 Yeah, Bar Harbor.

00:08:59.140 Bahaba.

00:08:59.760 Bahaba.

00:09:00.600 Bahaba.

00:09:01.600 So we were gone for an entire month.

00:09:04.320 Yep, nonstop.

00:09:05.500 Nonstop.

00:09:06.100 And your preference is?

00:09:08.220 I'm a homebody.

00:09:09.060 Yeah.

00:09:09.960 People don't.

00:09:10.440 I don't think people realize that.

00:09:11.520 No.

00:09:12.060 Yeah, you're like, you love routine.

00:09:14.340 You love the kids going to bed at the exact same time

00:09:16.660 every night.

00:09:17.160 But in the 10 years that we've been together,

00:09:20.380 I have quickly gotten bored of the same thing over and over

00:09:23.520 It's true.

00:09:24.180 Yeah.

00:09:25.020 So I mean, I love the two weeks of refreshing

00:09:28.860 and getting back into things.

00:09:30.420 But then I'm like, OK, what's next?

00:09:32.160 Next adventure.

00:09:33.340 It's because it's now a part of our life.

00:09:35.460 What do you think that other people

00:09:38.340 that might be starting their entrepreneurial journey

00:09:40.260 or thinking of having kids, what do you

00:09:41.660 think that we do different that they might not

00:09:44.520 realize about how we plan, organize, manage,

00:09:49.740 approach being parents, approach our relationship.

00:09:53.380 Yeah, there's these preconceived notions

00:09:55.320 of what it's like to be parents.

00:09:56.880 And most of the stuff is true.

00:09:58.800 You get lack of sleep when the baby's new.

00:10:02.520 And kids definitely need routine and structure in their lives.

00:10:05.280 And our kids are 11 months apart,

00:10:06.440 so people need to understand.

00:10:07.560 You were pregnant twice. 0.95

00:10:08.640 We had twins, essentially.

00:10:09.640 But you had to go through the birthing process twice.

00:10:12.600 But we also set out to essentially

00:10:16.100 apply business-like philosophies to our family life,

00:10:19.200 which most people don't understand or appreciate that.

00:10:22.540 Because what does that mean?

00:10:23.460 Well, yes, it means spreadsheets and Gantt charts

00:10:25.680 and working through your executive assistant to plan our lives.

00:10:30.540 It's about scheduling.

00:10:31.720 But it also means having family values.

00:10:33.680 Totally.

00:10:34.380 So we have a mission statement.

00:10:35.880 We follow five core values every single week,

00:10:39.420 and we kind of gauge whether or not it's

00:10:41.880 a good week or bad week based on how well we've done according to those values what are i know

00:10:46.360 everybody's gonna ask in the comments below like what are those gcash yeah it just happened to

00:10:51.320 work out that way yeah so the the words are growth uh community adventure spirituality and health

00:10:57.800 yeah so those are core values yeah and they they can change but for the most part that kind of

00:11:02.600 covers everything yeah um and so we work on that in spirituality we're like meditating every night

00:11:08.280 with the kids health wise working out eating well and this isn't just you or

00:11:12.120 just me it's the entire family yeah like the kids health the kids spirituality

00:11:16.860 the kids community you're also an entrepreneur that's what I've always

00:11:21.780 loved about you is you like to create very much a creator type and I think I

00:11:26.460 can actually probably tell you the moment that I think I don't want to say

00:11:31.260 maybe you fell in love with me but you were like super interested in me was

00:11:34.920 when I was driving an old Corolla or whatever the car is my dad's car was

00:11:40.860 your dad's okay we're driving from Toronto yeah and I was embarrassed by

00:11:47.220 the fact that I had all of these stacks of success magazine CD interviews

00:11:51.600 Darren Hardy yeah Darren Hardy John C Maxwell in my car and you saw them and

00:11:56.520 I my face went beet red and I was thinking oh my god this guy's gonna 0.70

00:11:59.040 think I'm an idiot and you was the opposite I was like blown away yeah 0.99

00:12:04.200 Yeah, I didn't know you were into personal development. 0.99

00:12:07.620 And I think we listened to those CDs the whole drive up.

00:12:09.940 Oh, totally.

00:12:10.440 I still have them.

00:12:11.460 Yeah.

00:12:13.800 Yeah, I mean, it's levels.

00:12:15.060 I think I know when I fell in love with you,

00:12:18.600 and I know what it is that I find so incredibly attractive.

00:12:25.480 The way you show up for the boys.

00:12:27.060 I mean, as a mother, you're just an incredible mother.

00:12:30.100 But how do you balance that?

00:12:33.040 Because I think women have a different approach than men.

00:12:36.040 Biologically speaking, it's like when people say having kids

00:12:40.240 is like having your heart run around outside your body,

00:12:43.480 I think for women more so than men,

00:12:46.120 it's like literal almost, right?

00:12:49.040 How is that?

00:12:49.880 How do you balance that where you have a husband like me

00:12:55.000 that's driven to be the best and most fullest expression

00:12:58.480 of myself that I possibly with my time on Earth?

00:13:00.840 That's like my true driving force.

00:13:03.020 And you also have dreams and goals that you want to achieve,

00:13:05.940 but you also want to make sure that we're good parents

00:13:09.900 for our boys.

00:13:11.800 Boundaries.

00:13:13.420 And so how does that look?

00:13:14.760 Well, I think, and I'm not speaking for every woman,

00:13:18.480 but a lot of my female entrepreneur friends, 0.98

00:13:21.440 they feel pressure to do it all.

00:13:23.700 And as many people listening to this are entrepreneurs

00:13:26.680 and understand that their business

00:13:29.040 is one of their children.

00:13:30.600 It's like it's a it's a child of theirs when your significant other understands that and appreciates that and makes everything else so much easier.

00:13:40.460 I never questioned whenever you had to travel.

00:13:42.540 I never questioned the talks you had to give or the nights you had to work or the mornings you had to get up early because I knew it was your passion.

00:13:49.880 And by default, if you're happy, I'm happy and you're successful, then we're all successful.

00:13:55.920 And so in setting those boundaries, though, too, it's like, OK, but what's in it for me?

00:14:00.600 And when I was running my agency, you had the same thing for you.

00:14:04.200 You said you go do what you had to do and you would watch the kids.

00:14:07.240 Like, you never questioned having to be home with two kids under 11 months old when I was traveling.

00:14:14.280 You wanted to be just as involved.

00:14:16.480 And so the boundaries was like, this is what I want to achieve in my life and I understand where you want to be.

00:14:20.780 So, like, how do we meet in the middle?

00:14:22.540 And it's not easy, especially living with you.

00:14:26.400 It can be very, very challenging.

00:14:27.820 um but i don't i can't anticipate or expect or understand what it would be like to be with

00:14:35.720 anybody else but um what are things that we have like because i mean i think we take a lot of this

00:14:44.080 stuff for granted um the fact that we like sit down and talk at the end of the year planning

00:14:49.700 the next year we both have our goals we review our goals quarterly blah blah blah like what are

00:14:55.000 What are some of those habits, routines, rituals

00:14:58.920 that you think other people would be curious about

00:15:03.240 that you feel contributes to our ability

00:15:05.980 to integrate everything?

00:15:09.120 So we do weekly meetings.

00:15:11.180 And for us, it's Friday mornings.

00:15:13.240 Yeah, 1130 before CrossFit.

00:15:14.760 Yeah, we just sit down and we have an agenda.

00:15:16.900 We talk about the same things every week.

00:15:20.480 People are going to ask what's on the agenda.

00:15:22.060 So on the agenda is we rate each other.

00:15:24.800 Yeah.

00:15:26.500 It's good.

00:15:27.100 I mean, it's as simple as, as a husband,

00:15:29.440 how have I been for you in the last week?

00:15:31.040 One to 10.

00:15:31.840 As a wife, how? 0.99

00:15:32.440 You go two, I go, cool.

00:15:34.300 There's an opportunity to improve.

00:15:35.960 You give me a laundry list that you've been typing up all week.

00:15:38.800 I work at it.

00:15:39.880 No, it doesn't work like that.

00:15:41.700 No, but I think it's a good, because a lot of relationships,

00:15:44.100 they don't have these conversations enough.

00:15:46.000 So after two or three months of feeling resentful

00:15:49.280 towards the other for something, the conversation

00:15:51.800 have happened and it would have nipped that issue in the butt so we do it and yes we don't do it

00:15:57.400 every week because we're traveling and things come up but when we do it afterwards we always feel

00:16:02.440 better and things improve a little bit every single time um but what i wanted to say earlier

00:16:08.520 and go back to the question you had about you know what it's like to live with you and how what like

00:16:15.400 what do we do to succeed as a couple um there was an influential person who wrote on facebook

00:16:20.760 the other day I'm not gonna say their name and they gave like 101 business

00:16:25.200 tips and it was a pretty elaborate Facebook post and I thought it was

00:16:29.340 brilliant however when he came to the parts in mentioning anything to do with

00:16:34.800 relationship he said stuff like oh if if you know you're working 90 hours a week

00:16:40.560 whatever on your business and your significant other doesn't appreciate

00:16:43.980 that then end the relationship and it was very clear that the person needs to

00:16:49.860 respect the entrepreneurs, everything without any boundaries. And I was like, wow, how can somebody

00:16:56.900 who has done so well for themselves say something like that? And I realized they failed in all of

00:17:03.240 their relationships. And it's because it had to be his way or the highway. And so when it comes to

00:17:09.760 like the seasons of business, like now you're in a really good season, things are flowing for you,

00:17:14.860 You have a great team, great customers.

00:17:17.440 But reflect back to two years ago,

00:17:20.280 when you were working 15, 16, 20-hour days

00:17:23.680 to get your business to where it was now,

00:17:26.080 that's where you and I needed to have those boundaries.

00:17:28.740 We needed to have those weekly conversations every single day.

00:17:32.740 And you bring up a good point, and it's

00:17:36.360 interesting because it's seasonal.

00:17:37.820 But at the same time, what happens

00:17:39.740 is you just keep iterating around the problem.

00:17:41.980 So for me, it's like, you know, I really like working.

00:17:46.220 So I got to watch myself.

00:17:47.480 So like, you know, it was a conversation with like Renee,

00:17:49.360 like, hey, for the next two months,

00:17:51.460 I'm going to be working 7 to 9, right?

00:17:53.880 So I'm going to pick up the kids at 5,

00:17:55.460 going to do the night routine.

00:17:56.800 But at 7, I'm going to work till 9.

00:17:59.400 Then we can have our time together and go to bed.

00:18:01.340 Because we go to bed fairly early.

00:18:02.760 But it's the communication.

00:18:04.240 Like, when you say it like that, that I'm like, absolutely.

00:18:07.160 And here's why.

00:18:07.900 But if you don't say it, I'm like, exactly.

00:18:09.040 Because I really want to accomplish this thing.

00:18:10.760 and I don't have the bandwidth.

00:18:14.180 I just feel like a lot of people,

00:18:16.540 and I had this call once with somebody that we both know,

00:18:20.120 and their conversation with their wife

00:18:22.400 was, I'm going to go crush it for the next three years.

00:18:26.660 Don't expect me home, but it'll be worth it.

00:18:30.140 And I was like, wow.

00:18:33.260 It doesn't have to be that way.

00:18:34.740 Even I wouldn't accept that it would have went on more than

00:18:37.220 two months because.

00:18:38.300 He's a terrible entrepreneur then,

00:18:39.560 Because if he needs to be working all that time.

00:18:41.800 There's something broken.

00:18:43.280 Totally something broken.

00:18:44.300 Yeah.

00:18:45.120 And he needs to fix himself.

00:18:46.380 Yeah.

00:18:46.840 And I think a smart partner would understand that, too.

00:18:50.620 Yeah, and kind of push back and be like.

00:18:52.520 Yeah, no, you need time with the family.

00:18:54.000 You need time with your family.

00:18:54.720 You need to buy back your time.

00:18:55.720 Absolutely.

00:18:56.500 Yeah, whatever way.

00:18:59.860 So I think you have a lot of this stuff on your website.

00:19:02.800 It's familyacademy.co.

00:19:04.340 So talk about it real quick and tell them

00:19:06.860 where they can go download all the checklists and stuff.

00:19:09.320 Yeah.

00:19:09.820 Well, if you want to have an amazing partnership

00:19:12.720 and be an amazing parent, you go to familyacademy.co.

00:19:16.140 I always cringe, and Renee cringes too, 1.00

00:19:17.600 because people are like, oh, a couple goals or, you know,

00:19:20.960 it's like, yeah, it's like we have challenges all the time.

00:19:26.780 We see therapists.

00:19:27.780 We deal with our kids' craziness.

00:19:32.480 There's nothing people could be going through that we probably

00:19:35.260 haven't gone through for the most part.

00:19:36.920 Well, I think the biggest thing that we've done as parents

00:19:40.140 and as a couple is to constantly be learning.

00:19:42.920 Yeah.

00:19:43.420 Like, never stop the education all the time.

00:19:44.300 Investing in our relationship.

00:19:46.260 In us, in the things we read, like, well, I'll say,

00:19:48.740 hey, I'm reading this really good marriage book.

00:19:50.740 Can you please read it, too?

00:19:51.800 I download it.

00:19:52.580 Yeah.

00:19:53.080 And we'll talk about it.

00:19:53.580 I don't have a choice, because she hits me if I don't do it.

00:19:55.380 No, it's not true.

00:19:55.880 She does.

00:19:56.380 She attacks. 0.95

00:19:57.600 Yeah, so Family Academy, I work with female entrepreneurs 1.00

00:20:00.520 to help them gain more freedom in their lives

00:20:03.080 by teaching them how to have a better relationship

00:20:05.000 with their partner and their kids.

00:20:06.900 Cool.

00:20:07.400 So all the stuff around our quarterly retreats,

00:20:12.980 weekly meetings.

00:20:14.900 Books I'm reading.

00:20:16.060 Books, resources, kids' issues, health stuff.

00:20:20.760 I mean.

00:20:21.620 Creating routines.

00:20:22.600 Routines and rituals.

00:20:24.120 Habits, yeah.

00:20:24.420 Yeah, so you guys can all check that out.

00:20:25.940 I think there's a lot of stuff that we do that's,

00:20:29.480 and I don't know, like some people say to me, they're like,

00:20:31.760 well, I don't want to have that much rigidity

00:20:33.680 around my relationships.

00:20:34.880 And I'm like, well, then don't want more,

00:20:36.720 because it's required.

00:20:38.180 Rigidity.

00:20:39.020 Yeah, like there's too much structure.

00:20:40.560 They're like, why is it so rigid?

00:20:41.640 Why do you have to meet every week and have a strict agenda?

00:20:44.300 It's like, well.

00:20:46.000 I know, it sucked for me to think about that, too.

00:20:48.160 But it's just a good.

00:20:48.980 I hated scheduling something in my calendar

00:20:50.760 to meet with my husband.

00:20:51.680 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:20:52.520 I was like, babes, add it to the list. 0.73

00:20:54.040 You're like, no, I want to talk about it now.

00:20:55.820 But it's out of context, and we don't have the travel schedule.

00:20:58.160 Oh, it still drives me crazy, though.

00:20:59.600 Add it to our weekly agenda, Renee.

00:21:00.980 Let's not talk about it now.

00:21:02.280 But it's just like, but I want to.

00:21:03.960 I know you do, and I love you because that's

00:21:07.280 the way you like to deal with stuff.

00:21:10.060 We have the kind of the 45-minute fighting 0.92

00:21:12.420 called the therapist rule, which kind of sucks,

00:21:14.680 but we both do it, so.

00:21:16.140 We don't fight.

00:21:18.820 If it lasts long, it's kind of like smarten up

00:21:21.640 and say sorry quick, or we're going

00:21:22.980 to have to go and spend an hour at somebody.

00:21:26.580 It's just like we go there, and we both laugh.

00:21:28.340 We're like, yeah, we kind of are over this, but.

00:21:30.180 Oh, here's the good thing about working

00:21:31.440 a really good therapist or partner is that if you look at the male and female brain it's very

00:21:37.120 different yeah and your relationship yeah um but a good therapist will easily interpret what we're

00:21:44.720 thinking and trying to say like i remember one time we were working with ours i was like all

00:21:49.360 this stuff and she's like oh what you're trying to say is this this and this and then you were like

00:21:55.120 oh yeah that makes sense now and i'm like why couldn't you just read my mind yeah why don't

00:22:00.640 Why don't you read my brain?

00:22:02.800 Good or bad, you should always be working on a professional.

00:22:05.180 Yeah, and that's what's weird.

00:22:06.260 People think therapist is bad.

00:22:07.920 It's like having a coach, having like mentors.

00:22:11.540 These are like having somebody external to your relationship,

00:22:14.920 objectively look at the communication style and unbiased

00:22:18.240 and just be like, hey, I think this is what's happening.

00:22:20.260 Am I right?

00:22:20.800 And it's like, oh yeah, that's a really interesting perspective.

00:22:24.820 How do you balance, and again, we

00:22:27.460 don't like the word balance, but integrate

00:22:29.140 the entrepreneurial drive and the guilt as a mother.

00:22:33.280 Oh god, I just, I mean, I write a lot about this.

00:22:36.100 Yeah, because I remember in our first,

00:22:38.380 at the beginning of a relationship,

00:22:39.760 even the idea of having somebody clean our house,

00:22:42.520 you're like worried.

00:22:43.600 No, it's my job, because I grew up in a household

00:22:45.700 where that was my responsibility.

00:22:49.000 It's, you can't just be cured of your feelings of guilt.

00:22:54.580 I work with my own therapist now that you don't go and see.

00:22:57.880 just for me and she helps me identify why i feel so guilty about things like you'll tell me renee

00:23:04.920 go for a massage get your nails done you know take a couple hours off one afternoon and just

00:23:09.560 treat yourself sure i book it i do it and i'm sitting there and i'm thinking oh the things i

00:23:15.000 could be doing that's more productive than getting my nails done so it's guilt and it still exists but

00:23:21.000 when it comes to like relationships or parenting and the guilt that's connected between being with

00:23:27.000 your family or working on your business again it comes down to the expectations and communication

00:23:33.640 so like your friend saying oh i'm going to be hustling three years for this business and after

00:23:37.800 that will be set it's like you don't know that it's not guaranteed but what is guaranteed is

00:23:43.080 your family will be there if you're there for them and i actually wrote about this not that

00:23:47.320 long ago it's like you could spend five years hustling to make your business succeed but you

00:23:53.960 you don't know if it can be successful.

00:23:56.000 But if you spend five years hustling

00:23:57.860 to make your family and your relationship succeed,

00:24:00.620 they will definitely be successful.

00:24:02.300 Relationships are the most important thing.

00:24:03.920 You don't need to be working 80, 90 hours a week, every week

00:24:07.340 for three years on your business.

00:24:09.200 And if you do, what's going wrong?

00:24:11.900 Your relationships will fail.

00:24:14.060 Yeah, it's interesting because I

00:24:15.560 feel like some people get addicted to the hustle.

00:24:18.620 And their reasoning for doing it is for their family,

00:24:23.100 but yet their family never asked them to do it.

00:24:26.340 You never once asked me, go work harder

00:24:29.280 so that we can buy another home or another cool thing

00:24:32.360 or go on more trips or vacations.

00:24:34.860 I also don't care about that stuff, though.

00:24:36.300 Yeah, but it's just funny because people say,

00:24:38.460 I'm doing this for my family.

00:24:40.440 And some people are.

00:24:41.480 And those people.

00:24:42.480 I know, but I'm just saying, I don't

00:24:43.560 think the family ever asked for it.

00:24:44.940 No.

00:24:45.480 No.

00:24:45.900 No.

00:24:46.400 And this is why people like you exist.

00:24:48.720 So you help these people for all your free content out there

00:24:52.060 and the people that hired your help

00:24:53.980 is you help them understand that it doesn't have to be this way.

00:24:56.460 And here are the tools to get you out of this slump 1.00

00:24:59.200 or out of this stupid mindset anyway. 1.00

00:25:01.320 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:01.940 Yeah.

00:25:02.440 I love the idea of integrating because if you do it right,

00:25:06.540 it's just, again, this, Renee, you call me the scientist,

00:25:08.880 which kind of makes sense.

00:25:09.580 I'm always trying to optimize, like,

00:25:11.200 how do I get more out of my day?

00:25:13.200 And sometimes I can take it to a crazy extreme

00:25:15.240 where it's like 15 minute increments.

00:25:16.840 But you know, it's and everything's in the calendar,

00:25:19.220 as you know.

00:25:20.940 But it's just an interesting exercise in like,

00:25:24.700 how do you design a day in a week or a month that in that day

00:25:27.840 there's vacation, there's health, there's work stuff,

00:25:31.560 there's fitness stuff, there's family stuff,

00:25:35.180 so that I don't need a vacation.

00:25:37.440 My vacations look very much like my normal days.

00:25:40.500 Hey, I'm on vacation.

00:25:41.700 You can sing.

00:25:42.600 It's such a great song.

00:25:43.460 You guys can sing.

00:25:44.160 Who's the artist?

00:25:45.240 Oh, I don't know.

00:25:46.540 I forget.

00:25:47.320 On Vacation by Dirty Heads.

00:25:50.500 yeah Kelsey Ramsden recommended it it's great no oh and I wanted to say something about the hustle

00:25:57.660 oh so you and I most recently got a lot of clarity because you actively work and review

00:26:04.660 your vision board for the year and your five-year plan and admittedly I haven't been doing that

00:26:09.500 lately and you've been just hounding me for my five-year plan whether or not it makes sense you

00:26:14.520 wanted to see something just need to know and I put one together and I used to create these plans

00:26:21.580 with filters like what would my parents think what would dad Dan think who am I trying to impress

00:26:27.480 as though I'm writing in my journal with the hopes of someone secretly finding it because I want them

00:26:32.540 to know what I really think about them this one no filter I was like this is what Renee wants I

00:26:38.440 don't care who's gonna disagree and I presented to you and you had a couple questions but every

00:26:43.580 single day since that day you have been 100% better husband and partner because at least

00:26:51.000 you understand me I just needed to know you needed to know yeah because I mean for me it was

00:26:55.320 if I don't know like it's almost like the why if I don't know why I get up and I create to have

00:27:02.300 impact and create value because you're one of the most important people in my life if I don't know

00:27:07.660 how that aligns with what you want then it's kind of like I don't feel like there's a purpose right

00:27:12.520 Yeah, and that was the big thing.

00:27:15.640 And it's just so valuable, I think, for yourself and for everybody.

00:27:20.020 Yeah, and I've seen you execute against it, which has been awesome.

00:27:23.980 So how have you dealt with the guilt, though?

00:27:25.980 Going back to the mama guilt, you said it's hard to get over,

00:27:31.240 but what are things you can do or perspectives

00:27:34.160 that you have around that?

00:27:35.680 It's carving out time for yourself.

00:27:38.180 What have I been talking about for the last seven years

00:27:40.540 is taking drum lessons.

00:27:42.440 And finally, I said, Thursday night, 7 PM.

00:27:45.340 My night, I'm doing drum lessons.

00:27:47.260 Boom, boom, boom.

00:27:49.900 The other thing I love to do is CrossFit, working out.

00:27:52.660 That's a non-negotiable for me, at least five days a week.

00:27:55.360 Every day.

00:27:55.780 And you work around that for me.

00:27:58.180 100%.

00:27:58.680 Yeah.

00:27:59.680 So that, I mean, I don't.

00:28:00.520 I make you breakfast every day.

00:28:01.220 Most people don't know.

00:28:02.180 I make you breakfast every day.

00:28:03.600 You do.

00:28:04.380 You heat things in a skillet.

00:28:06.100 Yes, I cook.

00:28:07.180 um like i know it's not like this beautiful elaborate breakfast served in bed it's the same

00:28:13.780 thing every day every day is the same thing and you i wouldn't even like it in bed because you

00:28:17.380 know i don't like food i'm not allowed to eat in bed but yeah the point is the guilt yeah yeah it's

00:28:24.600 um the communications that we there's a lot of things too i have a really good friend who works

00:28:29.680 on unconditioning so she coaches people to uncondition themselves about these feelings

00:28:35.860 of guilt like well i should be cooking and cleaning and doing all the laundry and groceries

00:28:39.860 because that's what women did for the last 5 000 years well yes and no there are more men doing 0.97

00:28:46.500 that now as well so it's the unconditioning it's like not having such high expectations for yourself

00:28:52.740 quite frankly the worry that the time we spend worrying about those things you should should be

00:28:57.220 spend focusing on being a better parent being a better partner you know who cares about the dishes

00:29:02.020 i used to do the dishes like the moment a cup was dirty now i'm like once a day that's it that's

00:29:07.060 cool if i get to it i would do it once a week but that's just i know you would um it's the

00:29:10.740 unconditioning and talking about it too like why do you feel guilty i know men feel guilty too it's

00:29:15.780 not just women yeah do i feel it's funny because i we were on vacation yeah we were on vacation

00:29:22.500 and i just feel like the i mean i i jokingly say it but i kind of believe them like the best dad

00:29:27.860 in the world just just because i grew up in such a different environment that i'm like winning

00:29:32.660 every day if i just show up and give my kid a hug and a kiss and like say you love them yeah and

00:29:37.620 just like hey and you know what maybe that's a huge step for some of your listeners too for sure

00:29:42.740 giving them a hug and a kiss yeah saying i love you i'm proud of you like some every day yeah and

00:29:47.860 it's and um so it's kind of funny because like i'm thinking like man i'm i'm the best dad ever

00:29:54.260 And I think you feel like you're not a mom.

00:29:58.920 If I said you were, you wouldn't improve yourself.

00:30:00.500 No, I'm talking about it for yourself.

00:30:02.840 I don't know.

00:30:03.340 I've talked to my other guy friends.

00:30:04.460 We all feel that.

00:30:05.120 We're like, oh, we're doing stuff with our kids.

00:30:07.820 And we're taking them on a trip.

00:30:09.000 And we feel really good.

00:30:09.900 And then moms are like, I'm not doing enough.

00:30:12.320 And it's kind of interesting.

00:30:14.880 Because technically, you do a lot more than I do, for sure.

00:30:20.400 What do you think people would want to know from Renee,

00:30:26.100 the other person?

00:30:27.460 Like, well, here's a better question.

00:30:30.200 There are some people listening that

00:30:31.920 don't have a supportive partner.

00:30:34.860 And that's the hardest part.

00:30:35.900 As I coach software entrepreneurs,

00:30:38.340 they're like, hey, I see the relationship you have.

00:30:40.380 I hear about all the routines and rituals you guys do,

00:30:42.920 but my wife wouldn't be on board. 0.97

00:30:44.700 Or I'm on this journey of personal development and growth,

00:30:47.700 and I just feel like they're not.

00:30:49.640 what's your thoughts around that yeah it's well I think of like Philip McKernan

00:30:55.880 when we worked with him a few years ago and he has this metaphor about him

00:31:00.260 climbing up the mountain and he's going towards his passion and his wife wasn't

00:31:05.180 next to him and he was really trying to pull her up she wasn't ready for it and

00:31:08.720 he finally let go to have her do her own thing to find her own purpose in her

00:31:14.400 own journey and when she discovered that for

00:31:16.520 whether or not he was already on the other side of the mountain she was at

00:31:20.060 least making progress and you know speaking to those and I speak to a lot

00:31:25.280 of these people too that don't want to be on board with these rituals and

00:31:28.940 routines and stuff that we do it doesn't work for everybody but if there's one

00:31:33.620 thing that they can do to change the course of their relationship or

00:31:36.560 parenting style do that if it's meeting every two weeks to discuss something do

00:31:41.120 that if it's going on a retreat once a year to completely disconnected do that

00:31:45.560 with each other yeah it's like we do it quarterly and we do weekly meetings yeah and for some that's

00:31:51.480 too much that's fine um but the communication and setting the boundaries is is huge like there's i

00:31:56.920 know there's a lot of i don't want to classify all men but men that are hustlers and they're

00:32:01.640 entrepreneurs and their wives are like they have a job or a stay-at-home mom and they're like they

00:32:06.520 don't understand that passion and that hustle so they don't have a seemingly good relationship with

00:32:13.720 their significant other she needs to speak up and the husband or the partner needs to also be like

00:32:19.480 hey honey what do you want like you pushed me so hard for the five-year plan i didn't want to do it

00:32:24.040 i said you're not going to care or you're just going to push me to do something else

00:32:27.720 and i've presented it to you and ever since then you've just been like this is awesome you've been

00:32:31.960 completely relaxed and supportive about it maybe the woman needs to do that too 1.00

00:32:36.360 hmm and do you feel like if the other person isn't on that journey that there's a way to kind

00:32:46.200 of get them on there like what would your if somebody comes to you and says you know even as

00:32:51.400 a woman like i'm really driven and passionate about my business but my husband seems to be

00:32:56.200 playing video games and super lazy and well there's also enabling and you and i talk a lot about that

00:33:02.200 too um the thing about journeys though is most people aren't on the journey at the same time

00:33:09.000 and i think that couples need to understand and respect that and there's a difference too between

00:33:15.240 pushing someone and encouraging someone and there's a fine line like you've in my perspective

00:33:20.680 have pushed me pressured me to do a triathlon and i don't want to do it right but you might think no

00:33:25.960 no i'm encouraging her it's so it's and i push back saying no dan i feel the pressure so just

00:33:31.400 not going to do it you're like okay okay um but yeah and it's it's so unfortunate i see so many

00:33:38.120 intelligent amazing people that are just in a funk or it's a time of their life or something's

00:33:43.380 happening and they're not inspired they're not motivated and they don't want to hear it from

00:33:47.340 anybody else sometimes you just gotta let them go through it yeah it's interesting it's almost

00:33:51.240 like they could be out of sync like totally like their partner could be in this like you know hill

00:33:56.040 climb and they're in a bit of a funk and it's just it's it's a delicate balance like if somebody

00:34:01.760 were to ask me like hey are you pressuring Renee to do a triathlon I'd be like hell no I never once

00:34:06.820 said to it to anything I thought she'd be interested right like I've never I just the other

00:34:11.140 day you had my shoes yeah because because your friends all signed up and I was like I know if

00:34:16.480 you want to do it I got a bike and I'll lend you my bike and then you're like I don't like this

00:34:19.840 pressure and I was like oh got it I mean yeah because like my whole thing and um I sure I

00:34:24.760 I should share it more often is the whole idea of the lighthouse

00:34:28.120 versus the tugboat. 0.96

00:34:29.620 Because my whole thing, and this is for relationships

00:34:32.740 or even if you have people in your family that aren't on board

00:34:35.680 and are criticizing you, is just be the best version of yourself.

00:34:39.440 I have control over what time I wake up, what I do with my day,

00:34:43.080 how I communicate, how I show up, you know what I mean?

00:34:46.140 I don't have control how anybody else reacts.

00:34:48.700 And if that inspires somebody to do something, then great.

00:34:52.540 And if it doesn't, it doesn't.

00:34:54.140 But I feel like that is a better use of someone's energy

00:34:58.700 than to try to kind of beat somebody over the head.

00:35:02.180 You should start reading books.

00:35:03.440 And you always say, I only help the people swimming

00:35:06.320 towards me.

00:35:07.900 And it's hard, because you see this person you love,

00:35:10.820 and you care about drowning out there.

00:35:12.500 And you're like, oh my god, I need to run in and save them.

00:35:14.900 But maybe that's the worst thing for them.

00:35:17.320 And unless this person's life is at risk,

00:35:19.860 then sometimes they need to go through that,

00:35:22.060 maybe drag through the mud in order to learn something

00:35:24.760 to come out of it on the other side of being like, 1.00

00:35:26.640 man, that was shit. 0.99

00:35:28.400 But look what I learned, look where I am now. 1.00

00:35:30.260 It's kind of like CrossFit.

00:35:31.560 And be ready for when they turn to you for advice.

00:35:34.580 Yeah, and like CrossFit, I hated it.

00:35:36.240 I hated it so much and I didn't want to do it.

00:35:38.320 I didn't want to do it.

00:35:39.160 And I remember one day, Wendy at her gym,

00:35:41.640 it was like the first or second week I was there,

00:35:44.780 I was ready to quit.

00:35:46.380 And I sat next to her just before a warmup.

00:35:49.960 And I'm like, I don't want to do this.

00:35:51.300 really don't like CrossFit she goes you know what the first two months suck but 0.99

00:35:54.600 after that it gets a lot better and there was something about the timing of

00:35:58.300 that and it was three months later I was doing a competition with her and so it

00:36:03.720 was the right time it was the right place from the right person I needed that

00:36:07.020 encouragement that person yeah big yeah yeah one of my my tricks nobody's asking

00:36:12.780 but I'll pretend they're asking question just like how do you support your

00:36:19.900 So one thing I've done, I'm not going to tell you when or how,

00:36:25.080 but is talk to the people around.

00:36:28.400 So even if I know, because we're really close

00:36:31.000 and sometimes you don't want that from me because you just

00:36:35.700 don't, it's better to work with the people

00:36:39.520 around the other person.

00:36:40.820 So if your wife, let's say your wife was absolutely 0.59

00:36:44.960 obese and really need to get her health in check 1.00

00:36:47.060 the doctors told her or the man or whatever um it's better for you to work with their friends

00:36:52.880 to kind of get them on board i think um just just easier yeah um it's a different it's a different

00:37:00.400 approach worth considering um why do you feel like you're such a driven mama like why why do 0.99

00:37:08.300 you wake up every day to produce content to help other female entrepreneurs to be a better mother 1.00

00:37:14.140 to be a better female entrepreneur like what where does that drive come from I wake up every 1.00

00:37:20.700 morning to you know your alarm clock but then I see you having your coffee and doing your gratitude

00:37:27.460 journal and meditating and you've been like incrementally becoming a better person every

00:37:32.080 single day because of your routine and I think wow I can do that too and I post on social media

00:37:40.960 and I write my blog posts and people say this has helped Renee and like even just one person

00:37:46.220 it's like wow it's crazy and like even the people that aren't necessarily entrepreneurs don't even

00:37:53.760 have kids that are downloading my content and doing their couples retreats and they're saying

00:37:57.780 you've saved my relationship I'm not a therapist I'm not a licensed professional I am just living

00:38:04.380 proof that you can have kids and you can get married and you can launch two businesses like

00:38:09.680 maybe some people don't know that we had two babies moved twice launched two businesses in two years

00:38:15.260 most people do that in a lifetime yeah and we managed to survive now ask me details about that

00:38:20.900 time in my life and it's yeah and I would recommend it to anybody somebody told us to calm down but

00:38:26.260 the the motivation every day it's and most recently it's been like I'm an asset and I have

00:38:33.900 talent and if this can motivate even one female entrepreneur or one female to 1.00

00:38:39.920 start a business or to take the next step or for an entrepreneur couple to

00:38:44.360 like decide they want to have kids because they know they can balance now

00:38:47.760 their business or family and the amount of entrepreneurs that have reached out

00:38:51.540 we did the the integrated family video and people reaching out because they

00:38:58.220 didn't even think it was right for them to have kids based on the way they

00:39:02.580 wanted to drive in their business they just felt like I'm too committed to my

00:39:06.900 business and I don't have the space for it they have now revisited that belief

00:39:11.160 it's pretty crazy I didn't even know that was a thing yeah there's no right

00:39:14.940 time to have a kid there's not and when and then when you think there is and

00:39:18.660 something else happens and if you're an entrepreneur you'll you'll fill that

00:39:21.420 void with something else yeah for sure you will but why do you think that's like

00:39:28.180 I get the motivation, but what is it about that that you enjoy?

00:39:33.220 Like, why do you do it?

00:39:34.360 Like?

00:39:36.660 I know disrespect to men, but I genuinely

00:39:41.480 believe that women will save the world.

00:39:43.980 I believe we need more women leaders. 1.00

00:39:46.620 We need more women CEOs and women in politics. 1.00

00:39:50.820 And there's not enough people encouraging women 0.65

00:39:52.700 to go out and take these big steps.

00:39:54.660 And so I wake up to do that, to encourage women

00:39:58.620 to start businesses, to be like, hey, you're

00:40:00.920 going to have a family and run a business.

00:40:03.160 It's OK. 0.54

00:40:03.880 You know, it's going to be shitty for a while,

00:40:06.060 but you can do this.

00:40:07.380 I did it.

00:40:07.840 If I can do it, anybody can do it.

00:40:12.160 And I just feel like the world needs

00:40:13.800 more female entrepreneurs and more female power. 1.00

00:40:17.020 What have you learned about raising kids

00:40:21.160 that you think might be useful to other entrepreneurial families.

00:40:25.120 You don't need to buy an alarm clock.

00:40:27.500 They wake you up every single day, a little human.

00:40:30.960 So raising kids and running a business?

00:40:33.320 Yeah, just about like, I think that entrepreneurs,

00:40:37.140 one of my challenges is how do you

00:40:40.500 try to raise non-entitled kids, right?

00:40:43.160 Because obviously, the life that my kids are experiencing

00:40:47.920 is night and day different.

00:40:50.340 My kid's been in multiple supercars.

00:40:52.420 He's six years old.

00:40:53.520 I was 30, probably, when I sat in my first.

00:40:55.960 So it's like 50 flights in the first year of birth

00:41:00.200 I didn't get on a plane until I was 18.

00:41:01.580 Yeah, which is amazing for them.

00:41:02.800 That's incredible.

00:41:03.400 But it's just like, that's the question I struggle with.

00:41:06.980 But what are things that you think about as it pertains

00:41:11.400 to being a better mom?

00:41:13.680 Or what are the tools?

00:41:15.660 Because you do so much that I think, again,

00:41:17.260 you take for granted that people would probably really

00:41:19.580 enjoy hearing around how you.

00:41:22.820 Having kids, first of all, makes you hyper-focused

00:41:25.940 with your time.

00:41:26.820 Because before you had kids, you had 24 hours in a day

00:41:30.200 to do whatever the hell you wanted to do.

00:41:32.960 But as soon as you have kids, now all of a sudden there's

00:41:34.800 routine, and they're waking up at a certain time,

00:41:37.260 and they're going to bed at a certain time,

00:41:38.720 and then they have hockey or swimming, and school's out.

00:41:41.720 So it's like you have these hours in a day 0.99

00:41:44.360 that are your time to work, and you better get the shit you 0.99

00:41:46.940 need done at that time. 0.98

00:41:48.100 Because once the kids get home, if you're a present parent,

00:41:50.600 you are going to give some of that time to your kids as well.

00:41:54.420 And so it allows you to be a little more organized.

00:41:59.860 And what was the second part of that question?

00:42:01.660 Well, just like the things you've learned about,

00:42:05.680 like either discipline or education or there's so,

00:42:11.300 I mean, that's the thing is that you do so much,

00:42:13.060 I don't think even you realize it.

00:42:15.740 Well, I didn't think I'd be reading the books

00:42:17.580 i'm reading because i used to read just marketing and sales and pr books and i loved it but now it's

00:42:22.860 just like understanding actually so in the whole parenting thing what i've learned that is the most

00:42:30.940 important thing in being a good parent is for the parents to be working on themselves more than

00:42:36.220 anything else you can't fix a child and just like the quote on our chalkboard right there says is

00:42:42.460 you can't fix a flower something you can read it i can read it yeah when the flower doesn't bloom

00:42:49.820 you change the environment not the flower not the flower right so when the flower doesn't bloom you

00:42:56.220 changed its environment not the flowers most times there's nothing wrong with the child

00:43:00.860 there's wrong it's wrong with the the environment and so mom and dad like kids can absorb energies 0.93

00:43:06.380 like you wouldn't believe so if you're pissed off they're gonna be pissed off even though they were

00:43:09.820 happy two seconds before the parents and the individuals having good relationships with

00:43:16.620 themselves is the most important thing in parenting and i didn't realize this till a

00:43:20.940 few months ago when i started working on myself because i always thought oh my gosh you know one

00:43:24.700 of our kids is so aggressive and hates changes and what's wrong with him i realized there's nothing

00:43:31.980 wrong with him as what's wrong is how i'm reacting to how he's reacting and that translates to

00:43:39.020 business like managing people managing teams it's like it's not them it's you're the leader like

00:43:44.780 you got to work on yourself and deal with those things like you would a child almost yeah mark

00:43:50.380 mark albert on the show he recently said something that he used to be upset with his team when they

00:43:56.140 weren't performing and now he asks himself what environment did i create that got them to make

00:44:00.460 that decision right and then then it's cool because you have 100 control over you can't

00:44:04.940 can't control Max or Noah, we can only

00:44:07.340 control how we react to them.

00:44:09.260 And that's something we have power over.

00:44:13.100 And then what about the education?

00:44:14.420 Because I know a lot of people ask you

00:44:15.660 about raising these little dudes.

00:44:18.140 Well, we're fortunate enough to live in a great community that

00:44:20.900 has incredible school system.

00:44:22.940 Canada in itself has pretty good education.

00:44:26.340 We tried homeschooling.

00:44:27.740 It didn't work with the fact that you and I both worked from home.

00:44:31.920 We tried it.

00:44:32.640 And then we tried private schools, which

00:44:34.660 great but for us it was you know our public school system is fantastic um and you've said this before

00:44:41.620 i don't know if you quoted anybody but uh every child is homeschooled it's just up to the parents

00:44:47.620 to realize it that's just something i realized myself but it's true and every kid's homeschooled

00:44:53.460 is just do the parents actively homeschool right or just do they do they're proactive or reactive

00:44:59.220 well that's the thing is the moment you recognize that every moment you're with your child or even

00:45:03.620 even with your partner, is an opportunity

00:45:06.720 to teach them something.

00:45:08.300 So Max, who's going into grade two,

00:45:11.300 has been formally educated in just French,

00:45:15.460 reading, writing French.

00:45:17.180 But give him an English book at his level,

00:45:19.800 and he can read it better than the French book.

00:45:21.640 Why?

00:45:22.460 Because we talk to him in English.

00:45:24.380 We show him the English words.

00:45:26.200 Yeah.

00:45:27.180 And so it's like, wow, the fact that he's being formally

00:45:29.560 educated in another language, but understands this language

00:45:32.060 a little bit better is because we are unconsciously educating

00:45:36.020 them.

00:45:37.940 But you consciously educate them.

00:45:39.740 Well, we do, yeah.

00:45:40.760 That's what I mean.

00:45:41.540 You sat down with Noah and helped him with his muffin

00:45:45.020 business that he sold at the triathlon and made

00:45:47.900 a bunch of money.

00:45:48.740 But it is so interesting how these little minds,

00:45:52.400 like for instance, so Dan did a triathlon the other weekend,

00:45:55.520 and Noah wants to make money.

00:45:57.980 He thinks if you open a bank account

00:45:59.840 that the bank gives you money.

00:46:01.700 So we had to teach him that you have to put money in it.

00:46:04.120 No.

00:46:04.580 OK.

00:46:05.520 So he wanted to make money to buy more Pokemon cards.

00:46:08.460 And I said, what can you do to make money?

00:46:11.240 He's like, well, I'll sell muffins.

00:46:12.680 Perfect.

00:46:13.640 So I taught him about the cost of goods sold

00:46:16.280 and about how he has to pay me for my time for helping him.

00:46:18.820 Dude, we went for a hike and I was asking him

00:46:20.320 how much you charged him.

00:46:21.760 I was like, he got a deal.

00:46:22.800 Yeah.

00:46:23.600 So my two folks.

00:46:24.300 He even said to me, he goes, mama says adults

00:46:26.240 pay her this much money, but I only

00:46:29.400 have to pay her this much money.

00:46:30.700 Because you're cuter than most adults.

00:46:32.200 Yeah, I was like, OK, so she gave you a bro deal.

00:46:35.020 And now he went to this triathlon,

00:46:37.380 and he was cheering for him and his friends

00:46:39.520 and walking around selling muffins.

00:46:41.620 And at first, he was charging $3.

00:46:44.300 And I was like, oh, you know what?

00:46:45.460 That's a bit much.

00:46:46.260 I don't think you're going to sell them for that.

00:46:47.900 He's like, no, I will.

00:46:48.760 He tried.

00:46:49.420 No sales.

00:46:50.000 And I was like, let's bring it down a little bit, so $2.

00:46:52.680 He sold them all.

00:46:54.060 I mean, mostly to people.

00:46:54.640 Even $2 is pretty high.

00:46:55.700 I was like, they're like $1.

00:46:57.280 Well, yeah.

00:46:58.060 But he learned.

00:46:58.960 He's cute.

00:46:59.500 But so anyways, going back to what we're talking about,

00:47:01.980 it's like consistent.

00:47:03.620 Always be learning.

00:47:04.720 That's what we always talk about that.

00:47:07.240 Always be learning.

00:47:08.140 Well, it's growth.

00:47:08.780 It's part of our values.

00:47:09.640 You need to.

00:47:09.940 You can't just, like some people finish school

00:47:11.720 and think they never have to be educated again

00:47:13.660 in the day of their lives, and you don't grow.

00:47:15.880 That's not how it works.

00:47:16.600 No.

00:47:17.100 I think that's why people are, they stay in the rut

00:47:20.240 that they're in, because they don't try something new.

00:47:23.680 They don't learn something new.

00:47:25.460 They don't read a different topic.

00:47:28.240 They don't teach people something new.

00:47:30.620 So if somebody's watching this and feels

00:47:32.560 like they're in a rut, they're stuck, they're not, you know,

00:47:37.840 they potentially could be going through a minor depression

00:47:41.020 or struggle, what's your advice for them?

00:47:45.240 I say the foundational things for your health

00:47:48.580 need to be met if they aren't proper hydration, proper sleep,

00:47:52.400 exercise, nutrition.

00:47:55.160 If those things are being met and still in the funk

00:47:58.580 and still experiencing depression,

00:48:00.860 then obviously go see a professional therapist,

00:48:04.160 let me tell you.

00:48:04.660 So those four things, if we just, I

00:48:05.720 want to unpack it because I feel like people say, oh,

00:48:07.820 I'm doing that stuff.

00:48:09.000 You're talking like wake up, drink water, drink water,

00:48:13.460 drink maybe a gallon of water a day kind of thing.

00:48:16.260 On the food side, eat lean proteins, greens,

00:48:21.080 no carbs, healthy fats.

00:48:23.800 I just feel like if you don't tell people,

00:48:25.360 they think, oh, I eat healthy.

00:48:27.100 You know my best friend, he says, I eat healthy.

00:48:28.900 It's like, no, you don't.

00:48:29.960 Right.

00:48:30.460 You know what I mean?

00:48:30.960 But he does.

00:48:31.360 So I'm just, I think it's important to actually spell it

00:48:33.500 out.

00:48:34.800 You talked about fitness.

00:48:36.800 Yeah, fitness.

00:48:37.600 Right?

00:48:37.840 So well, let's talk sleep.

00:48:38.920 So sleep means what?

00:48:40.240 Yeah.

00:48:40.740 And how do you track that?

00:48:41.800 Yeah.

00:48:42.040 So well, I use my iWatch, and I have the iSleep app

00:48:47.660 or something, and you use an Oura ring.

00:48:49.160 There's different things.

00:48:49.900 And some of them can be expensive.

00:48:51.300 Sleep track it.

00:48:52.120 It's free for most people.

00:48:53.040 But I know this, the moment you start tracking your sleep,

00:48:55.380 whether it's like a manual, digital thing,

00:48:57.480 you actually focus more on getting a good night's sleep.

00:48:59.880 My routine for my good night's sleep starts at lunchtime.

00:49:03.140 Yeah.

00:49:03.440 So no caffeine.

00:49:04.140 No more caffeine.

00:49:04.640 I know you wear the blue blocking light glasses.

00:49:06.420 Yeah, and it's tweaking, because what works for me

00:49:10.160 isn't going to necessarily work for some other people.

00:49:11.800 But you're just saying, get good sleep.

00:49:13.300 Figure it out.

00:49:14.260 Be the scientist and figure it out.

00:49:16.240 And then the exercise, what's your prescription for that?

00:49:21.120 Find something you'll love to do.

00:49:22.800 Once a week?

00:49:23.720 Oh, every day if you can.

00:49:25.080 Exactly.

00:49:25.660 Yeah.

00:49:26.040 So that's what I'm saying is if we don't tell people,

00:49:28.440 they're not going to do it.

00:49:29.060 Every day.

00:49:29.560 Yeah.

00:49:30.060 So I do CrossFit five days a week,

00:49:31.760 and you do it a few times a week, and then you bike and swim.

00:49:34.460 And yeah.

00:49:34.960 Every day.

00:49:35.460 That's my rule, sweat every day.

00:49:36.600 Yeah.

00:49:40.080 Who did you need to become to be the mother, partner, 0.98

00:49:45.420 entrepreneur you are today?

00:49:48.480 So I had a very clear life's plan when I was 18 years old that I wrote down and I said, this is what I want for my life.

00:49:56.340 The problem is that once I achieved that, so it was like married, two and a half kids, a white picket fence,

00:50:03.180 which is pretty much like a metaphor for this beautiful home and running a successful agency in New York City.

00:50:09.080 Moncton's close enough.

00:50:11.680 Once I achieved that, I failed to rewrite that plan because we think we write this plan once that we're good.

00:50:18.480 we're set we don't have to revisit it and that's what I hesitated in running

00:50:23.400 my five-year plan thinking oh gosh this is set in stone I can't change this which

00:50:27.060 is it's not true I needed to become the person that was okay with chaos and and

00:50:34.800 super okay with uncertainty it's just like I mean when you show up to the

00:50:40.360 airport I used to travel once a year and now I go almost once every other week

00:50:44.580 because I didn't like the hustle and bustle but being okay with uncertainty

00:50:49.260 allowed me to be a better entrepreneur to be a better mom because like when

00:50:53.080 you're a parent I mean really like that there's no manual and things are not

00:50:56.940 gonna be what you expect at all your kids could be born super healthy and

00:51:00.480 then have like a learning disability or something happen it's not in your life's

00:51:04.080 plan if you're not okay with that uncertainty then you will just

00:51:07.800 completely be frazzled.

00:51:11.480 Where do people, if they want to learn more

00:51:14.020 about the way you approach life and integrate

00:51:17.400 and follow along in your funny stories

00:51:20.040 that you share with the world, because you're way more clever

00:51:22.740 than I am on Instagram, more creative, where would people go?

00:51:27.680 So you can go to Instagram, Renee, R-E-N-E-E underscore

00:51:33.560 Warren.

00:51:34.260 Why don't you have my last name?

00:51:35.620 I don't know.

00:51:37.200 I do own ReneeMartell.com.

00:51:39.240 Good, if you didn't, somebody would buy it.

00:51:40.800 I just love my name.

00:51:42.220 Yeah, and I didn't care if you changed it.

00:51:43.960 It's pretty much like the month before we got married,

00:51:46.440 Canada changed their passport policy

00:51:49.020 to allow you to have a 10-year passport.

00:51:50.660 And I was like, saving time and money,

00:51:52.820 I can change my last name another time.

00:51:56.160 Again, like the uncertainty thing,

00:51:57.460 I could change at any moment.

00:51:58.740 No, I'm just, I like my name.

00:52:00.380 And I just, maybe someday I'll change it, but Renee Warren.

00:52:05.320 My initial spell raw.

00:52:07.420 Oh, baby, I like it raw.

00:52:08.140 Yeah, so Renee underscore warm and familyacademy.co

00:52:12.220 is also where you can find me.

00:52:14.080 Check her out. 0.99

00:52:14.940 She's smart.

00:52:15.680 She's my wife.

00:52:16.600 She's my partner in crime.

00:52:18.000 She's the mother of Max and Noah.

00:52:20.260 And now you guys got the behind the scenes of what it's like.

00:52:23.700 Kind of.

00:52:24.280 You could have shared anything you wanted.

00:52:25.740 I gave you the platform.

00:52:27.600 You can just ask her directly.

00:52:28.700 I feel like I should be asking you questions.

00:52:31.040 Maybe some other day.

00:52:32.140 If you guys want to hear that, leave a comment below.

00:52:34.080 Let us know.

00:52:34.920 Renee, I love you, babes.

00:52:36.000 Thanks for coming on.

00:52:36.780 Babe.

00:52:37.260 All right.

00:52:38.340 I don't want to shake your hand.

00:52:39.320 I'll come give you a hug.

00:52:40.140 All right.

00:52:40.640 Bye.

00:52:41.140 Thanks.

00:52:42.140 Thanks for watching this episode of Escape Velocity.

00:52:45.240 Be sure to like and subscribe and leave a comment

00:52:48.120 with your biggest insight from our conversation.

00:52:50.760 Be sure to check out the next episode.

Dan Martell - November 07, 2019

Meet My Wife - Renée Warren

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