Dan Martell - June 20, 2016


Simple Strategy For Removing Energy Vampires From Your Life


Episode Stats


Length

4 minutes

Words per minute

223.27977

Word count

954

Sentence count

34


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about a framework that I've had to learn personally over my life and one that was recently shared with me by a good friend of mine, Garrett Gunderson. It's called the "friends vs. friendly" approach to relationship building, and it's something that I think a lot of us can implement in our lives.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.160 Using the friends versus friendly framework
00:00:03.000 for relationship building.
00:00:04.720 Maybe in your life you don't have the most supportive people
00:00:08.560 around you helping you out in your business as you grow.
00:00:11.040 Maybe you feel like people don't understand you.
00:00:13.320 Maybe you're still spending time with people
00:00:14.960 that you got drunk with and partied with in high school.
00:00:18.080 So what I want to share with you today is really a framework that I've had to learn personally
00:00:32.500 over my life and one that was recently shared with me through a good friend named Garrett
00:00:36.160 Gunderson.
00:00:36.760 So the friends versus friendly framework is very simple.
00:00:39.580 You know, as I was growing up, you know, I got, you know, involved in a lot of challenging
00:00:43.920 environments.
00:00:44.620 You know, pretty much all my friends were drug addicts or criminals because I was as
00:00:47.700 well, you know, and after spending 11 months in rehab
00:00:50.580 and discovering computers and deciding that I wanted to take,
00:00:53.620 you know, a new journey in the entrepreneurial world,
00:00:56.360 I had to, over a period of three or four years,
00:00:59.200 really change my group of friends, my network, my peers.
00:01:02.700 And it was tough, I still remember, you know,
00:01:04.860 I had to move schools and I started this new school
00:01:07.360 and those other people would still be around
00:01:09.460 and they would always ask me like,
00:01:10.280 oh man, I haven't seen you forever, what's going on?
00:01:12.240 And, you know, I'd wanna be polite, I didn't wanna be rude,
00:01:15.780 but the same time I knew that they were not people
00:01:17.940 that I was gonna continue building a relationship with
00:01:19.960 and it was tough and at some points I felt lonely
00:01:22.460 and other times I felt like I wasn't gonna be able
00:01:25.180 to find other people.
00:01:26.160 I mean it takes a while to build great relationships
00:01:28.500 in your life so I understand if you've ever been there
00:01:30.760 but a few weeks ago I was talking with my friend Garrett
00:01:33.340 and we were at his house and he was sharing with me
00:01:35.240 a really neat framework as we talked about people
00:01:37.600 that support us in our lives and inspire us
00:01:39.540 and push us to grow and he calls it the friends
00:01:41.680 versus friendly approach to relationship building
00:01:44.200 And here's a simple concept, you know,
00:01:45.900 I recently wrote a blog post called
00:01:47.960 How to Do a Friendventory,
00:01:50.140 and I'm gonna link that up below.
00:01:51.740 But Garrett's approach is really simple.
00:01:53.280 It's you've got friends in your life
00:01:54.440 and you've got people you're friendly with.
00:01:55.540 And friendlies are folks that you see
00:01:57.580 at your family gatherings,
00:01:59.040 or people you might run into at the mall, or whatever.
00:02:01.780 I mean, they could be people you went to high school with
00:02:03.680 today, or back in the day,
00:02:05.680 but today you wouldn't be friends with them.
00:02:07.520 So you say hello, you ask them how their kids are going,
00:02:10.300 but what you don't do, and this is what's really cool,
00:02:12.560 is you don't say, hey, we should get together sometime.
00:02:15.400 You don't accept the invite
00:02:16.820 to one of the kids' birthday parties.
00:02:18.840 You don't look for opportunities to get together.
00:02:22.420 Like you really just are friendly
00:02:24.440 and anytime they ask you to do something,
00:02:25.980 you apologize, say you're already committed,
00:02:27.880 and you move on.
00:02:28.860 And over time, you're gonna free up your ability
00:02:32.120 because a lot of people don't even have time
00:02:33.640 to kind of find new, more positive and supporting people.
00:02:37.060 So using this concept of friendly and say, hey,
00:02:40.460 You know, I don't want to be rude to this person.
00:02:42.980 I don't want to necessarily ignore them
00:02:44.700 or pretend like I don't know them.
00:02:45.780 Like, don't be that guy.
00:02:47.200 But there's a difference between friends versus friendly.
00:02:49.900 So that's the friendly model.
00:02:51.200 The friends is people that you maybe know a little bit
00:02:54.340 or you want to get to know, and you reach out to them.
00:02:56.700 And you ask them what they're doing.
00:02:58.020 And if they're speaking at an event,
00:02:59.240 you go there and you support them.
00:03:00.540 Or if they ask you to go for dinner,
00:03:02.560 you clear your schedule to spend time with them.
00:03:04.760 The real goal is to say,
00:03:06.120 look, these people are now people I'm friendly with.
00:03:08.280 These people I want to be more friends with
00:03:10.520 and what I want to do is figure out
00:03:11.920 how I can spend more of my time
00:03:13.680 and maybe you're building a business
00:03:14.820 and you don't have all the time in the world, I get it,
00:03:16.820 but how can I spend a higher percentage
00:03:19.600 of my total free time, whatever free means,
00:03:21.760 you know, I've got two little boys,
00:03:22.860 so there is no free time,
00:03:24.960 but I will make time for the friends
00:03:27.300 and figure out is it me inviting them
00:03:29.240 to something, I'm organizing it,
00:03:30.560 is it going and supporting a project
00:03:32.380 that they're launching, whatever it is,
00:03:33.940 that's the friends concept
00:03:35.180 and you want people in this bucket that are incredible,
00:03:38.120 that are inspiring, that are on that shared journey,
00:03:40.600 that share your values in life for personal growth,
00:03:44.620 for building a business, for creating your own future.
00:03:47.180 And it's really the difference between fixed mindset,
00:03:50.120 those are the people that you're friendly with,
00:03:52.720 versus growth mindset, which are, in my case, my friends,
00:03:56.000 and I'm pretty sure it's the same case for you.
00:03:57.680 So that's the framework, and I wanna thank Garrett again
00:04:00.540 for sharing that with me.
00:04:01.720 The friends versus friendly framework
00:04:03.660 for building your relationship.
00:04:05.760 As for usual, I wanna invite you
00:04:07.120 subscribe to my newsletter to get exclusive content and special invites to events and
00:04:12.120 per usual I want to challenge you to live a bigger life and a bigger business and I'll
00:04:15.680 see you next Monday.