Dan Martell - Startup Balance With Kids： How To Be a Great Entrepreneur And Father

00:00:00.440 How do you build a company and be a great father?

00:00:04.360 You know, I mean, obviously this is just about being parents,

00:00:06.960 but I can only speak from the male point of view.

00:00:09.840 You know, over the last few years,

00:00:11.280 I've had the most amazing and crazy

00:00:14.000 and stressful and nutty time,

00:00:17.560 not only building my companies,

00:00:19.460 but also just being a dad.

00:00:20.740 I don't know if you know this story,

00:00:21.760 but three years ago, we were blessed

00:00:23.640 with the birth of our first son,

00:00:25.440 and at the exact same time that my wife got pregnant,

00:00:27.720 she started a company called OnBorly,

00:00:30.080 I started a new start-up called Clarity,

00:00:32.280 and then we went through this nine-month period

00:00:34.180 of her being pregnant, moving,

00:00:36.260 we decided we needed a summer home close to our parents

00:00:39.220 so that we could spend more time with the family,

00:00:40.760 and we worked on building a new house.

00:00:42.900 Nine, or 11 months later, two months into her,

00:00:46.440 after she gave birth, we found out

00:00:48.000 we were having our second son.

00:00:50.380 So essentially in a two-year period,

00:00:52.100 we built two companies, had two kids,

00:00:53.620 and we ended up building our dream home

00:00:55.360 because we needed to finally settle down for our family,

00:00:58.960 and I can't tell you how crazy that was,

00:01:02.680 but it really forced me to figure out

00:01:05.160 kind of like how do you do it all?

00:01:07.460 Because I really didn't have a choice.

00:01:08.880 Like these things were set in motion.

00:01:10.940 I ended up raising 1.6 million for my company Clarity,

00:01:13.840 and I needed to figure this out.

00:01:15.440 I also wanted to be an amazing father and present

00:01:18.660 and put in, you know, like to be sure

00:01:21.000 that I also helped and supported my beautiful wife Renee.

00:01:23.720 So, you know, to me, what I want to share with you guys

00:01:27.280 is kind of five strategies that I've figured out.

00:01:29.780 Not a perfect, there's probably people watching this video

00:01:32.020 that are amazing fathers, amazing husbands,

00:01:34.140 and I bow down to you, I'm still learning.

00:01:36.340 But these are the strategies that work for me.

00:01:38.940 The first one is boundaries.

00:01:40.360 Really understanding where do you work and where do you play.

00:01:45.160 And I feel like sometimes a lot of people,

00:01:47.600 they don't think about those boundaries that say,

00:01:50.140 you know what, on Saturdays, those are family days

00:01:53.780 and those are sacred and those are non-negotiables

00:01:55.900 or first thing in the morning,

00:01:57.740 that's when I spend time with my kids

00:01:59.700 because I'm not gonna see them for the rest of the day

00:02:02.580 or maybe you figure out with your partner,

00:02:05.720 how do you do handoffs?

00:02:07.620 And a lot of times people think

00:02:08.920 that it's very rigid and scheduled

00:02:10.420 but I've gotta be honest with you,

00:02:11.560 without that structure, it's gonna be really hard

00:02:14.260 for you to have an impact in both aspects in your life,

00:02:17.000 both on your relationship with your kids

00:02:18.360 and in your business.

00:02:19.540 So really having those boundaries and figuring out the non-negotiables for both sides.

00:02:25.280 The things like, you know, maybe you say I will always be there for my kids' birthdays

00:02:28.820 and that's a non-negotiable so that way, you know, if you decide that now

00:02:32.100 when some big important, you know, event happens in your business

00:02:36.060 you can actually say, you know what, I can't do that

00:02:38.000 and that's just part of kind of the decisions you made up front.

00:02:40.700 So I sat down and I made those boundaries and worked with my wife

00:02:44.340 to figure out how they kind of came to be.

00:02:47.440 The other one is to be present.

00:02:48.640 You know, I think I'm guilty of this with my phone,

00:02:52.120 especially with my friends where I'm easily distracted

00:02:54.860 because I'm a tech guy.

00:02:55.920 I build software companies.

00:02:57.380 So one thing that I always remind myself

00:02:59.940 that I'm with my kids, I mean, at a minimum,

00:03:02.820 if you've ever texted and drove in your car

00:03:04.880 or even just pulled out your phone to,

00:03:07.280 I don't touch my phone when I get in the car.

00:03:09.060 That is a rule.

00:03:10.580 You know, maybe it's a sense of responsibility now

00:03:12.660 to these two beautiful lives in the back seat.

00:03:15.160 That is just a non-negotiable for me.

00:03:16.980 The other thing is, when I'm with them,

00:03:19.420 I make sure that I'm present,

00:03:20.780 that I'm 100% focused on what they're doing.

00:03:23.120 I call this ground time.

00:03:25.460 The thing that kids want the most

00:03:27.460 is your time sat on the ground playing with them.

00:03:31.460 That's really all they want.

00:03:33.260 So you gotta ask yourself, how much ground time

00:03:35.340 are you getting a week with your kids,

00:03:36.860 if you have a business?

00:03:38.040 And I know it's tough because in business

00:03:39.960 you're always thinking about like,

00:03:40.940 well I'm doing this for my family.

00:03:43.040 Trust me, we'll go over that at the end of this video,

00:03:45.400 But, you know, if it's really for your family,

00:03:47.700 think about what they want the most.

00:03:49.160 They want you to be present and available.

00:03:51.420 You know, the third strategy is the two roles.

00:03:55.240 And I learned this from an amazing woman, Esther Perel.

00:03:58.900 She wrote a book called Mating in Captivity,

00:04:01.160 and I had the absolute pleasure to run into her at an event

00:04:05.220 and see her speak.

00:04:07.020 And then Renee and I were there,

00:04:08.240 and we got to sit down and talk to her about

00:04:09.900 how do you think about building companies

00:04:12.460 and being entrepreneurs?

00:04:13.700 We're two entrepreneurs in our family.

00:04:15.040 We both have aspirations to leave a big impact

00:04:17.080 and build businesses, but we also want to be amazing parents.

00:04:20.100 And she talked to us about these two roles.

00:04:22.100 One is the CEO of Family Inc.

00:04:24.600 And the other one is the CEO of Relationship Inc.

00:04:27.120 And usually the Family Inc. is the person

00:04:28.960 that just naturally always thinks

00:04:31.520 about the family's well-being.

00:04:32.980 Obviously, that's my wife. 1.00

00:04:34.740 And sometimes it's the guy.

00:04:36.040 You just gotta decide who that is.

00:04:37.280 And then Relationship Inc. is the person

00:04:38.980 that's responsible for the relationship.

00:04:40.440 Because if you think about it,

00:04:41.500 your kids want nothing more than for you guys.

00:04:45.040 the parents to be amazing and happy and that's all they want.

00:04:49.020 So having somebody that's 100% focused on that,

00:04:52.560 ensuring that the relationships of the date nights

00:04:54.300 are scheduled, that you're doing maybe quarterly retreats

00:04:57.060 like we do where we disconnect, no phones,

00:04:59.040 just for us two where we make sure that we spend time

00:05:03.160 talking about kind of our future and our plans

00:05:05.680 and all that stuff.

00:05:06.620 And then on the family side,

00:05:08.060 Renee's always thinking about the kids

00:05:09.920 who they have sunscreen on.

00:05:11.140 I mean, these things that just naturally don't happen to me.

00:05:13.720 Don't hate me, I'm just telling you like,

00:05:15.720 the first thing I do when I wake up

00:05:17.220 is not check the weather to see

00:05:18.520 if the kids need to be lathered up in sunscreen,

00:05:20.820 but I understand the importance,

00:05:22.320 and because I now know there's these two roles,

00:05:24.820 I have such an appreciation for what she does,

00:05:27.320 and she has an appreciation for what I do

00:05:30.620 when I think about the relationship,

00:05:32.020 when she knows I'm trying to get some time on her calendar

00:05:34.320 so that we can do our retreats.

00:05:36.120 I mean, these are big commitments.

00:05:37.020 Four days disconnected, we gotta get the babysitter, 0.78

00:05:38.920 we gotta figure out where we're gonna go.

00:05:40.220 We need to kinda plan what we're gonna do during that time.

00:05:42.720 She understands why because it's for us

00:05:44.920 and when she cleans the house before the cleaning lady 0.99

00:05:47.520 shows up because that's what she does as a mother, 0.98

00:05:49.620 I totally respect that and appreciate it

00:05:51.920 because she's doing it for the family.

00:05:53.620 And those two roles are absolutely incredible.

00:05:56.420 The fourth thing I wanna share with you guys is block time.

00:05:59.420 Understanding in your calendar to get things done,

00:06:02.820 major projects, initiatives,

00:06:04.420 the big rocks sometimes they're called,

00:06:06.120 you gotta block it out in your calendar.

00:06:08.020 Like if you're working on a big project

00:06:10.020 and you haven't actually blocked the time to do it.

00:06:13.320 I mean, everything from, if you're gonna write a book,

00:06:15.720 you gotta go on your calendar for like 12 weeks,

00:06:17.420 block it out.

00:06:18.220 If you wanna start a new marketing initiative for Facebook,

00:06:21.320 the next five days, you gotta block out your afternoons

00:06:23.820 and actually get the work done.

00:06:25.120 If you actually can block out the time at work

00:06:27.720 and make it a non-distraction environment

00:06:30.420 where nobody else can call you or reach out

00:06:32.620 and you're actually doing that work,

00:06:34.120 you're gonna be able to have the impact in your business

00:06:36.020 and you're not gonna feel like the Saturdays or the Sundays

00:06:39.120 as you're spending the whole days with your families

00:06:41.480 are times when you could have been getting caught up

00:06:44.120 because trust me, most of us are distracted.

00:06:46.340 We spend way too much time on things

00:06:47.940 that don't move the needle and block time for me

00:06:50.100 is how I get, essentially I claim my day.

00:06:52.500 I get my day back by not worrying about

00:06:55.120 all the thousand things that are other people's

00:06:57.780 to-do busyness and actually working on the things

00:07:00.320 for myself and now finally I wanna share with you guys

00:07:03.220 the fifth thing is don't sacrifice your family

00:07:05.900 for your business and maybe you say,

00:07:08.620 well, of course I would never do that,

00:07:09.880 but trust me, I can't tell you how many entrepreneurs,

00:07:12.240 for whatever reason, they justify to themselves

00:07:15.300 that they're doing it for their family.

00:07:17.540 You know, I'm not even gonna argue that side of it.

00:07:19.840 I'm gonna argue the fact of the disruption.

00:07:21.980 If you do not spend the time on the family throughout

00:07:25.340 as a consistent thing, the impact and frustration

00:07:29.060 of fighting and the issues you're gonna introduce

00:07:32.400 to your kids and you're gonna have to deal with that

00:07:34.340 or maybe worst case, you guys get divorced

00:07:36.120 and you have to deal with a divorce.

00:07:37.400 Trust me, just think about it.

00:07:38.620 Just make it work because it's overall gonna give you

00:07:42.480 that support that you need to actually build the business

00:07:44.860 and it's not gonna distract you.

00:07:46.360 And if you do all the other things,

00:07:48.260 I believe you can have both.

00:07:49.920 You can have an amazing relationship

00:07:51.360 with your kids and your wife

00:07:52.480 and you can also build a great, world-changing,

00:07:55.160 high-impact company at the same time.

00:07:57.360 It's just gonna take some discipline and some structure.

00:08:00.120 If you like this video, please like the video.

00:08:02.400 Leave me a comment below with any other strategies

00:08:04.520 that you have for really making the entrepreneurial side

00:08:07.520 to meet and work great with the family side

00:08:09.660 because it's something that I know that a lot of you guys

00:08:11.940 are having to deal with with new babies on the way

00:08:14.080 or young kids.

00:08:15.620 I'd love to hear from you below in the comments.

00:08:17.160 I want to challenge you guys to live both a bigger life

00:08:20.400 and a bigger business.

00:08:21.340 That was what we talked about in this video

00:08:23.080 and I'll see you guys next Monday.

Dan Martell - July 13, 2015

Startup Balance With Kids： How To Be a Great Entrepreneur And Father

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