Dan Martell - Stay Motivated When You're Surrounded By Negativity

00:00:00.000 Hey there, Dan Martell here, serial entrepreneur,

00:00:01.760 investor, and creator of SAS Academy.

00:00:04.120 In this show, I'm going to talk to you

00:00:05.820 about how to stay positive when you're surrounded

00:00:08.840 by negative people.

00:00:10.360 Be sure to stay at the end where I'm going

00:00:11.760 to share with you an exclusive training called

00:00:13.600 My Future Living Training.

00:00:15.660 I shared with this at my Idea to Exit Live event

00:00:19.600 in San Francisco, and I think it'll really serve you

00:00:21.680 get even more out of the right mindset and perspective

00:00:25.080 to approach your day.

00:00:30.000 So I often get asked by friends and family members

00:00:41.900 and a lot of entrepreneurs online,

00:00:43.900 but how do I deal with the negativity

00:00:47.540 and the frustration of people around you

00:00:50.060 when you're trying to just express your dreams, your goals,

00:00:52.920 your excitement for the future, and you always

00:00:54.400 feel like they're the quickest to shoot them down

00:00:56.760 and be critical about the ideas and tell you what's missing

00:00:59.380 or what's not going to work?

00:01:00.920 And just how do you get that feedback

00:01:03.000 and deal with those people and still approach your day

00:01:05.540 feeling driven, excited, and passionate about what

00:01:08.320 you're building?

00:01:09.060 You know, one of the best analogies

00:01:11.380 I got from my buddy Jesse was the concept of the tugboat

00:01:15.560 versus the lighthouse, OK?

00:01:17.840 And essentially, the way you got to think about it

00:01:20.560 is both of those have the same function, the same outcome,

00:01:25.060 to get the ship into shore safely.

00:01:27.220 But you think about it, the tugboat,

00:01:29.140 It goes out there and the ship's coming in

00:01:30.900 and it's pushing against the ship

00:01:32.780 and it's moving it in the right direction.

00:01:34.300 The ship might be off course and it comes around

00:01:35.940 and hits it from the other side.

00:01:37.380 And it keeps guiding that ship with a lot of energy

00:01:40.240 and bumps and frustrations into the direction

00:01:43.260 to the point where the ship finally gets to the port,

00:01:46.000 to its destination.

00:01:47.640 And on the alternative side, you've

00:01:50.700 got the lighthouse that just sits there on the shore

00:01:53.800 to help guide the ship to safe passage

00:01:56.720 if it's choosing to go into port to avoid hitting

00:02:00.660 the rocks and the cliffs.

00:02:01.720 And both of them act in the same way, a beacon of direction,

00:02:07.520 except one takes a lot of energy, the tugboat,

00:02:09.780 and the other one takes no energy.

00:02:11.720 And if anything, allows you to get even more out

00:02:15.680 of the act of just shining our light.

00:02:18.380 And I believe that too often, when

00:02:20.960 we have negative people in our lives,

00:02:23.300 a lot of the reason they even get the opportunity

00:02:25.400 to voice that opinion is because you're trying to shine your light

00:02:30.740 or, sorry, you're trying to play tugboat with them

00:02:34.280 and try to convince them that there's a different approach.

00:02:36.860 And what I would suggest is do the opposite, which

00:02:39.200 is lighthouses.

00:02:40.660 Just be the light, shine your light, be the example.

00:02:43.900 And if that person at some point in the future

00:02:47.060 wants to get your support, then they will.

00:02:49.860 Here's the crazy part from my life and experience

00:02:52.580 is even though I grew up in an environment that

00:02:56.480 was really challenging, if you don't know my story,

00:02:59.380 I grew up in group homes, foster homes, crisis centers,

00:03:02.220 ended up in jail twice by the age of 17.

00:03:05.520 And today, when people look at my life,

00:03:07.640 the life I've created for myself,

00:03:09.380 and the freedom that I have, and the business success,

00:03:11.900 I've been built and sold.

00:03:13.600 I've started five companies.

00:03:15.120 I've exited the last three.

00:03:16.140 I became a multimillionaire at 27.

00:03:19.140 And I'm not sharing any of that to brag.

00:03:20.780 I'm just sharing to give you context for what's possible

00:03:23.960 from literally group home, foster home at 17 to 27,

00:03:29.300 financially independent, and really super grateful

00:03:32.720 for having incredible people show up in my life.

00:03:35.360 But the even coolest part of all this

00:03:37.580 is looking at my family.

00:03:39.620 My brother, who is one of the top entrepreneurs in Canada,

00:03:42.400 he won an award.

00:03:43.160 He's a home builder.

00:03:44.160 My friends, my peer groups, a lot of those guys

00:03:46.340 that I hung out with in high school, all I did

00:03:49.880 was just focus on myself and shine my light.

00:03:53.280 And when and if they were ready, they would show up.

00:03:56.120 And I think it's such a powerful analogy that's just

00:03:58.460 going to help you reframe this whole thing.

00:04:00.300 But what I want to share with you in this video

00:04:02.140 is the perspective, these three perspectives that

00:04:05.280 might help you reframe your frustration,

00:04:08.120 because it's not what happens to you.

00:04:09.940 It's how you react to those things

00:04:13.460 that are going to change the feel and vibe around it.

00:04:17.480 So these are the three perspectives and mindset

00:04:19.780 shifts that I want to share with you today.

00:04:21.320 Number one, compete against yourself.

00:04:23.700 One of the fastest ways to get yourself

00:04:26.200 into a doom and gloom, frustrated environment,

00:04:29.100 especially when you have negative people around you,

00:04:31.120 people that are always bragging, or whatever it is,

00:04:33.180 frustrating people, is to actually compare yourself to them.

00:04:38.420 So what I want you to not do, write this down,

00:04:40.760 do not compare your behind the scenes to somebody else's

00:04:43.640 highlight reel.

00:04:44.700 As you're scrolling through Instagram or Facebook

00:04:47.640 or Snapchat or whatever, and you see these other people

00:04:50.400 that you know in their life that may have started

00:04:53.040 after where you were at or may have had less resources

00:04:56.280 than you have and that are doing so many things,

00:04:58.240 do not compare yourself to them.

00:05:00.420 It doesn't help you.

00:05:01.940 It doesn't serve.

00:05:02.800 There's nothing to learn there.

00:05:04.740 What you should do instead is compete against yourself.

00:05:07.700 You should ask yourself, am I focused on being better today

00:05:12.200 than I was yesterday?

00:05:14.360 Because from my perspective, that is the only thing

00:05:17.580 that you can control and that matters.

00:05:19.640 Because how people create their reality

00:05:22.880 and go about their lives has nothing

00:05:24.460 to do with the resources, the impact and decisions

00:05:26.600 that you can make for your own life.

00:05:28.460 And the truth is, as you probably experience,

00:05:30.920 is most of those people are not actually,

00:05:33.800 the highlight reel is not the reality.

00:05:36.160 Many of them, and this is crazy, because I

00:05:37.880 coach high-performing software entrepreneurs, very high-performance,

00:05:41.200 guys that are doing 100 million plus,

00:05:43.220 but also folks that are at $25K in monthly reoccurring revenue

00:05:46.280 and upward.

00:05:47.300 And what I've discovered is, especially when

00:05:49.440 we do sharing our wins.

00:05:50.600 In our Facebook group, every month I say, hey,

00:05:52.760 everybody, it's the end of the month.

00:05:54.200 Time to share your top three wins.

00:05:55.780 And you see the highlight reel.

00:05:57.600 You see the people adding, doubling their MRR in a month,

00:06:01.760 adding a bunch of new team members,

00:06:03.380 doing all these things that on the surface look great.

00:06:05.600 But I know, because I'm their coach,

00:06:07.580 that they're really struggling with self-confidence,

00:06:10.740 imposter syndrome, team members that just quit,

00:06:14.160 they're in the middle of a divorce, et cetera.

00:06:17.240 So I want you to understand is that all of those other people's

00:06:20.580 realities that you're comparing yourself to, good and bad,

00:06:23.680 serves very little help for you.

00:06:25.840 The only thing you can do is focus on you

00:06:28.080 and who you were yesterday or last week

00:06:29.920 and ask yourself, am I getting better?

00:06:32.500 And if the answer is yes, congratulations.

00:06:34.900 Keep that up.

00:06:36.040 If the answer is no, fix it.

00:06:37.960 But don't do that by comparing yourself

00:06:40.640 to other people's reality because it's just not real.

00:06:43.200 Number two, claim your morning.

00:06:45.880 One of the most powerful things that you can internalize

00:06:50.860 is the fact that the only thing you can control

00:06:53.880 is how you spend your time, how you show up in this world,

00:06:58.480 what you do for work, for productivity, et cetera.

00:07:02.420 And one of the most powerful things

00:07:03.960 that you can add to your day, to claim your day,

00:07:08.360 to build a sense of momentum, to build confidence,

00:07:11.680 is to own your morning ritual.

00:07:14.040 And what I mean by this is that first 90 minutes of your day,

00:07:17.960 you can either tell your subconscious, tell your mind,

00:07:20.560 tell yourself that, hey, my time's not that valuable.

00:07:24.120 And I get up and I lollygag, so I say to my two boys,

00:07:27.260 I lollygag and I kind of get stuff down,

00:07:28.980 but I don't really have a sense of purpose and whatever.

00:07:31.320 And you kind of have breakfast and you kind of check your emails.

00:07:33.580 But there's no structure to it.

00:07:35.640 So that's what most people do, especially

00:07:38.320 if they're in a funk, especially if they're frustrated

00:07:40.080 with other people, especially if they just went to a party

00:07:42.320 and somebody was bragging about their new boat, their new house,

00:07:45.200 their new car, whatever it is.

00:07:46.840 And you're just like, oh my god, why am I not further along?

00:07:49.480 Whatever funk you're in, you can kind of go

00:07:52.200 about your morning that way.

00:07:53.520 Or the alternative is claim it, drive it, and move it forward,

00:07:57.520 and design a ritual that from the moment you wake up,

00:08:02.320 The first 90 minutes is for you, 100% for you.

00:08:05.860 You claim it.

00:08:06.540 You block it out.

00:08:07.280 You have a very structured process for going through that.

00:08:10.940 And I'm not telling you which one to look at,

00:08:13.160 but you can go look at Hal Elrod's book, Morning Miracle.

00:08:16.300 He's an amazing dude.

00:08:17.120 He's a good friend of mine.

00:08:17.980 Go read his book if you're like, hey, what should I do?

00:08:20.320 If you want even more inspiration,

00:08:21.980 go check out Robin Sharma's book, The 5 AM Club.

00:08:24.820 Whatever it is for you.

00:08:25.660 And I'm not saying you have to get up at 5 AM,

00:08:27.740 even though I get up way earlier than that.

00:08:29.260 You want to understand that how you approach that morning

00:08:34.940 will set up so much for the day.

00:08:36.540 It will set up your confidence.

00:08:38.140 It will set up the momentum.

00:08:39.660 It will set up the progress, because what I've discovered

00:08:43.600 is that first 90 minutes, that's where the magic happens.

00:08:47.440 And if you're frustrated because other people in your life

00:08:50.080 are being negative, et cetera, you just

00:08:52.080 got to do something that they will never do,

00:08:54.440 to know in the back of your mind that you're

00:08:57.640 capable of way more, regardless of what they say,

00:09:00.280 doesn't matter if it's your parents, your uncle,

00:09:02.320 your best friend, that you know you get up

00:09:04.900 and you have a structured morning, you have output,

00:09:07.040 you have real production, and that you've designed that

00:09:12.600 and you're holding yourself accountable,

00:09:14.100 because that's the key.

00:09:14.880 You've made a commitment to yourself

00:09:16.260 and you're holding yourself accountable.

00:09:17.680 And when you do that, everything else changes.

00:09:20.300 All of a sudden, now you know that, hey,

00:09:22.540 I'm willing to do things that other people's

00:09:24.000 won't to live a life that they could never live.

00:09:26.760 That, to me, is the coolest part of all this,

00:09:29.140 is that when you join the 5 AM Club or the Morning Miracle

00:09:32.120 Club or whatever you want to call it,

00:09:33.780 you're joining a tribe of doers, of action takers,

00:09:37.260 of game changers.

00:09:39.000 And it's going to give you a sense of confidence

00:09:40.960 that when people say stuff, it doesn't even register anymore.

00:09:43.900 Like, I don't have that issue because I just

00:09:46.620 don't even think about it.

00:09:47.440 People can say stuff to me, and it's like,

00:09:49.720 that's their reality.

00:09:50.880 It's not mine.

00:09:51.740 If somebody says something negative to me,

00:09:53.360 I don't take it personally anymore because I now

00:09:55.140 Know thyself.

00:09:56.100 Know who you are.

00:09:57.480 And it starts by claiming your morning.

00:09:59.640 Number three, friendventory.

00:10:01.640 I wrote about this a long time ago on my blog,

00:10:04.120 and I think it's something that's worth bringing up.

00:10:05.960 If you have not done a friendventory lately,

00:10:09.340 I highly encourage you to do that.

00:10:11.340 Here's the way it works.

00:10:12.680 You make a list of everybody you interacted

00:10:15.380 with in the last 60 days, OK?

00:10:17.200 People that you spent the most time with,

00:10:18.720 from your best friends to your gym friend to your blah, blah,

00:10:21.600 blah.

00:10:22.100 You make a list of everybody.

00:10:23.640 And then make a list of characteristics

00:10:27.120 that you know is required for you to succeed in regards

00:10:30.520 to your health, wealth, financials, business,

00:10:34.320 fatherhood, whatever it is, those characteristics

00:10:36.580 that you know that you need to succeed.

00:10:38.800 And then ask yourself, do those people

00:10:41.380 have those characteristics?

00:10:43.000 Do those people embody, inspire you to live that way?

00:10:47.460 And if you can't circle anybody on there

00:10:50.180 out of those different facets, then you

00:10:52.520 need to do a friend inventory.

00:10:53.580 You need to free up some people.

00:10:54.960 Now look, I'm not saying that you cut them out of your life.

00:10:57.960 I think that's what people, they misunderstand when I say this. 0.94

00:11:00.960 I'm not saying you say to them, hey, F off.

00:11:03.820 I don't want to talk to you ever again.

00:11:05.600 All I'm saying is that next time that person texts you and says,

00:11:08.400 hey, do you want to hang out on Friday night?

00:11:10.300 You say, hey, man, I'm busy.

00:11:11.480 Appreciate the invite.

00:11:12.640 That's all you say.

00:11:13.600 Next time your mother reaches out and says, hey,

00:11:15.820 do you want to do dinner on Sunday?

00:11:16.960 You say, hey, appreciate the invite,

00:11:19.060 but I'm already committed.

00:11:20.960 And you just start giving yourself some space

00:11:23.960 to fill that with new people.

00:11:26.120 Maybe you reach out to their running club.

00:11:27.800 Maybe you reach out to the local entrepreneurship group.

00:11:29.720 Maybe you reach out to a volunteer program

00:11:31.940 where you can mentor another kid.

00:11:33.440 Whatever it is you need more in your life,

00:11:36.020 try to start recruiting those people.

00:11:38.200 Maybe you need to go find some mentors.

00:11:40.580 I've got a ton of videos on my YouTube channel

00:11:42.340 around finding mentors and connecting with mentors.

00:11:44.480 Maybe you need to do that and start adding those people

00:11:47.900 to your list of your relationships.

00:11:51.920 Because what I've discovered is that it's

00:11:54.080 way easier to avoid the dragon than to slay it.

00:11:57.320 What do I mean by that?

00:11:59.140 Look, if I have to be around somebody's negative

00:12:01.780 because they're family members and it's the holidays,

00:12:05.540 that's one thing.

00:12:06.900 But if I know that that's the way they are,

00:12:09.740 and I'm not here to change their life, I'm a lighthouse, OK?

00:12:13.220 I'm going to keep my space.

00:12:14.960 It's easier for me to avoid them to then

00:12:17.000 have to overcome them.

00:12:18.420 And I don't want to introduce that negativity or that energy

00:12:21.680 into my life, so I just keep my distance.

00:12:23.900 Even if I'm at a party or somebody is coming into my space,

00:12:28.360 I may just walk away and go talk to somebody else.

00:12:30.840 I might go and play with the kids.

00:12:32.460 I might go and read my Kindle.

00:12:34.440 Whatever it is, you can decide what to do with your time.

00:12:37.280 And you don't have to make a big show about it.

00:12:39.020 You don't have to be all dramatic about it.

00:12:40.700 You just make that decision, and you know you made it.

00:12:43.000 And that's how you get more positivity, less negativity

00:12:46.380 in your life.

00:12:47.440 So three quick mindset perspective

00:12:49.760 tweaks to stay motivated when you're surrounded by negativity.

00:12:52.600 Number one, compete against yourself.

00:12:54.560 Don't compare.

00:12:55.180 Number two, claim your mourning.

00:12:57.480 And number three, go through a friendventory.

00:13:00.760 So as I mentioned at the beginning,

00:13:02.020 I want to share with you an exclusive training

00:13:03.700 called Future Living.

00:13:05.020 It's something I taught in San Francisco at my Idea

00:13:07.560 to Exit Live three-day seminar.

00:13:11.280 And it is one of the most powerful things

00:13:13.360 that I see all top performers.

00:13:15.140 Literally, you name me that person,

00:13:16.920 from Steve Jobs to Gary Vaynerchuk to whoever,

00:13:20.600 and I will show you somebody that lives in the future.

00:13:23.680 Now, if you want to understand how to do that,

00:13:25.260 click the link below to get access to that training.

00:13:27.640 But it will give you the right mindset, the framework,

00:13:30.740 the thinking patterns to create that world for yourself

00:13:34.240 so that it's really hard to get into any negative thoughts

00:13:38.320 because you're not even living in that space.

00:13:40.740 So the link's below.

00:13:41.820 You can click that to get access.

00:13:43.680 If you like this video, be sure to softly tap the like button.

00:13:47.100 Feel free to share this with anybody

00:13:48.680 that you care about that you think that it could serve.

00:13:50.560 And as per usual, I want to challenge you

00:13:51.900 to live a bigger life and a bigger business.

00:13:53.680 And I'll see you next Monday.

00:13:56.620 To stay motivated when shrouded.

00:13:59.340 Shrouded.

00:13:59.840 Surrounded.

Dan Martell - November 18, 2019

Stay Motivated When You're Surrounded By Negativity

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