Dan Martell - The Real Reason I Quit Drinking

00:00:00.000 I just wanted to be the generation that broke that and what was required is the pain had to

00:00:05.740 deepen up. Hey there, I'm Dan Martell, serial entrepreneur, investor, and creator of SaaS

00:00:22.940 Academy. In this episode, I'm going to share with you something that's like super near and dear to

00:00:27.060 my heart, which is the decision to quit drinking. Now, I don't know if you've ever struggled with

00:00:33.040 drinking. You don't even have to kind of identify as an alcoholic, but maybe you've had moments

00:00:38.000 where you've done things that you weren't proud of, or you just feel like it's getting in the way

00:00:43.060 of you taking care of your health or your family or relationships. And you've thought about it.

00:00:48.660 Maybe you've done a few days where you didn't drink or a week or a month or sober October.

00:00:53.340 where I don't know what it is,

00:00:54.440 but I'm gonna share with you my personal decision

00:00:56.660 and journey for why I believe that quitting drinking

00:01:01.860 almost a decade ago was probably one of the best decisions

00:01:05.900 I ever made in my life.

00:01:06.960 Now, what happened was is at the time

00:01:11.460 I was super busy with my startup

00:01:15.620 and I had started this new company

00:01:18.800 and I wanted to like be,

00:01:22.000 make it like one of the best companies ever.

00:01:24.160 You know, in the Valley where I was living

00:01:25.520 at the time, San Francisco,

00:01:26.660 it's about building a billion dollar company, right?

00:01:28.600 And it was the early days and I really wanted to like,

00:01:32.240 you know, raise a bunch of capital

00:01:34.040 and build this like game changing platform.

00:01:36.420 And I was going out and I was meeting with investors

00:01:38.320 and I was just, I was out being very social

00:01:40.540 and like anything, if you're out there being social,

00:01:42.660 you're out having dinner, you're having drinks, et cetera.

00:01:45.800 Now, a lot of people may know the story, my story,

00:01:48.740 personal journey of like being addicted to drugs

00:01:51.300 as a teenager and going to rehab.

00:01:52.900 And that's where I discovered programming

00:01:54.620 and it literally saved my life.

00:01:56.520 And for a while I didn't drink

00:01:58.220 and then just started slowly, casually.

00:02:01.360 And the challenge with me,

00:02:02.620 the reason why I don't gamble,

00:02:04.200 I don't play video games.

00:02:06.780 I don't do a lot of stuff

00:02:07.620 is I have an addictive personality.

00:02:09.080 I know that of myself in case you're a friend of mine

00:02:11.800 and you're like, I wonder if Dan knows

00:02:13.060 he's intense about everything he does.

00:02:14.420 I know that it's why I choose a handful of things

00:02:16.960 I do like business and I go all in, right?

00:02:20.160 Or triathlons and go all in, or, you know,

00:02:23.340 trying to be a great dad or be a great husband.

00:02:25.360 And what happened was, is there was this period

00:02:27.720 of my life where, you know, Renee got pregnant

00:02:32.140 and it was like the first few months

00:02:34.900 and she obviously quit drinking, but I kept drinking.

00:02:37.780 And it was causing a lot of friction in our life.

00:02:40.680 You know, just like, you know, for a lot of people

00:02:44.000 like alcohol doesn't do well with me.

00:02:46.280 When I drink, I drink a lot,

00:02:47.600 and then the next day is a write-off.

00:02:48.900 Sometimes a weekend could be a write-off, right?

00:02:51.060 And I just didn't want that for my life.

00:02:53.500 But the real moment that most people don't know is,

00:02:57.340 we actually went to Bahamas.

00:02:58.600 I wanted to like, you know, give Renee a break. 1.00

00:03:01.440 You know, she was pregnant, she wasn't feeling great,

00:03:03.640 and I had this opportunity through one of my investors

00:03:06.160 to go stay at this incredible property.

00:03:08.740 And we flew all the way to, I think it was Exuma,

00:03:12.660 in the Bahamas, went to this resort.

00:03:15.180 I mean, just out of the park, incredible, you know,

00:03:18.180 like five star, six star hotel,

00:03:20.980 every, you know, villa came with its own golf cart,

00:03:24.180 you know, beautiful white sandy beaches,

00:03:25.920 blue ocean, turquoise water, like just incredible.

00:03:29.380 And first I did, went to liquor store

00:03:31.120 and bought the supplies for a week.

00:03:33.080 And after the first night,

00:03:36.240 I was not proud of the way I behaved, right?

00:03:39.380 Like there was no need for it.

00:03:40.940 I'm there with my wife.

00:03:42.120 I wanna celebrate our life together.

00:03:46.260 I want to give her a break 0.93

00:03:47.680 and all I'm doing is creating stress

00:03:49.380 and she's just upset with me.

00:03:51.460 And I just, I remember in this like moment

00:03:54.380 of looking at like all the things

00:03:57.960 that have happened in my life that were negative

00:04:00.280 based on my drinking over the decades

00:04:03.500 that had gone by since I was a teenager.

00:04:06.280 And I just realized like,

00:04:09.280 I'm about to bring a child into this world

00:04:11.900 and my mom's an alcoholic, okay? 0.51

00:04:13.700 She still is, she's been sober, she's amazing,

00:04:16.380 I love my mom, but I had that in my life,

00:04:18.940 in my family, and I struggled with it.

00:04:21.480 And when I projected out into the future,

00:04:24.680 and I thought of where my life is now,

00:04:27.480 and the possibility of me making a decision,

00:04:30.260 because things were going great, business was going great,

00:04:32.720 financials were going great, health wasn't awesome,

00:04:35.820 but to have a family, startups doing good.

00:04:40.760 Like I just, I thought to myself,

00:04:42.200 like there's a high probability

00:04:44.060 that over the next 25 years, if I keep drinking,

00:04:47.720 that I will probably do something

00:04:50.660 that causes a lot of pain to my life.

00:04:53.160 You know, make a decision to get in a car

00:04:54.740 when I probably shouldn't,

00:04:55.680 or get caught doing something that's compromising

00:04:58.700 or whatever it is, just like be at the wrong place,

00:05:01.180 the wrong people, get in a fight, whatever it is.

00:05:04.020 And I just thought to myself,

00:05:05.180 like I don't wanna bring that level of pain into my family.

00:05:08.740 I just don't want that to be me.

00:05:10.360 And I made a decision, I remember the moment it happened,

00:05:13.340 I was super drunk and I just said, I'm done.

00:05:16.360 And Renee looked at me, she goes, sure.

00:05:19.180 And literally probably had zero belief

00:05:22.560 that it would ever happen.

00:05:23.600 Like she's like, yeah, sure, I've heard this before.

00:05:26.360 He's gonna wake up tomorrow, he's gonna forget about this

00:05:28.040 and he's gonna keep going.

00:05:30.220 And fast forward to today,

00:05:33.900 I know I shared with it earlier,

00:05:35.420 but it's been almost 10 years, okay?

00:05:39.580 Next May will be 10 years

00:05:42.180 that I have not touched a drop of alcohol.

00:05:46.460 It's just not part of who I am.

00:05:48.180 And I share that story because there's some beliefs

00:05:52.400 that I think if you're about to go on this,

00:05:54.800 I don't care if it's any other addiction

00:05:57.520 or just wanting to improve your life

00:06:01.120 that I think could really serve,

00:06:02.700 because I knew that was true for me.

00:06:03.820 And the first one is, it's gotta be deep enough.

00:06:07.100 The pain has to be deep enough.

00:06:09.040 there needs to be enough of a, you're in a hole

00:06:11.460 and there's pain that you wanna change.

00:06:14.380 And I tell this to parents all the time,

00:06:16.360 they're like, oh, my kid's in trouble with the law

00:06:18.180 and I think they're vaping

00:06:19.140 and I think they're doing drugs, they're doing all this stuff.

00:06:20.660 And I was like, does he wanna change?

00:06:23.400 Does she wanna change?

00:06:25.160 Because here's what I've learned,

00:06:26.200 if the pain isn't deep enough,

00:06:28.040 then there's not enough,

00:06:29.820 there's not enough motivation to stop.

00:06:32.320 You know, a lot of people are just living life

00:06:34.140 and it's okay because it's not painful.

00:06:36.680 You know, the people that end up bankrupt,

00:06:38.800 in a car accident, scared, medical, health,

00:06:41.280 like there's a reason why all these stories

00:06:43.660 of incredible transformation

00:06:45.820 started from a moment of despairs

00:06:48.280 because sometimes you need that deep pain

00:06:50.960 to be the ignition, the light, the fuel

00:06:54.840 to get you on a different path.

00:06:56.600 You need to have your reality shaken, right?

00:06:59.840 And just like, whoa, what's going on?

00:07:01.540 Like, oh, that's not what I want for my life.

00:07:03.800 Why am I doing this?

00:07:05.560 And I owe my son, Max, my first born.

00:07:08.660 Like, I don't think if I didn't look at the potential pain

00:07:12.280 that I could create in his life

00:07:13.640 and propagate that normalcy, right?

00:07:18.000 Like this, my mom's parents were alcoholic 0.97

00:07:20.800 and probably her parents were alcoholics.

00:07:22.280 And all I know is that in my family and my personal family,

00:07:26.720 my kids won't experience that.

00:07:28.320 They'll deal with other challenges

00:07:29.920 because so is parenting.

00:07:31.180 But I just wanted to be the generation that broke that.

00:07:35.200 And what was required is the pain had to be deep enough.

00:07:38.800 So sometimes the reason why it's not deep enough

00:07:41.740 is you haven't framed it properly.

00:07:43.220 You keep giving yourself an out.

00:07:44.400 Oh, it's not that bad.

00:07:45.400 Oh, it's okay.

00:07:46.240 Or it could be worse or all these things.

00:07:48.440 That's your story.

00:07:49.460 That's your journey to figure out.

00:07:50.700 I would encourage you to like, allow it to sit.

00:07:52.980 Sit in the pain and don't be so quick to dismiss it.

00:07:56.420 The second thing is, I just had to figure out today.

00:08:00.040 You know, I think my wife was like,

00:08:02.520 Sure, he's quit.

00:08:05.200 Seen that before.

00:08:07.100 But all I told myself is just gotta make it through today.

00:08:10.800 Just today, that's it.

00:08:12.020 I don't have to worry about tomorrow.

00:08:13.140 I don't have to worry about next week.

00:08:14.040 I don't even have to worry about next month.

00:08:14.980 I don't have to worry if people think I'm gonna quit

00:08:16.560 or not or stay sober, I don't care.

00:08:18.380 I'm just gonna focus on today.

00:08:21.080 And that made it so much easier.

00:08:23.680 And I got that from Alcoholics Anonymous.

00:08:25.800 Like this just, I just gotta be sober for today, right?

00:08:28.980 And like when I do my triathlons, you know,

00:08:31.340 I've completed almost five Ironmans in my life.

00:08:34.240 And when I do these like long distance races,

00:08:37.160 you know, running, you know, for 42 kilometers

00:08:40.260 after biking 180 kilometers, after swimming four kilometers,

00:08:43.220 like you're just, your body's depleted.

00:08:45.380 And all I'm looking for is the next telephone pole.

00:08:47.920 I'm not thinking about how many kilometers I got left.

00:08:50.040 I'm not thinking about anything more

00:08:51.380 than the next telephone pole.

00:08:52.940 I'm literally locked in.

00:08:54.100 I see the telephone pole and I'm gonna run to it.

00:08:56.460 And at that moment, I get to decide,

00:08:58.620 do I wanna do it again?

00:09:00.640 Do I wanna go for the next telephone pole moment?

00:09:03.240 And the answer is yes, but I don't overwhelm myself.

00:09:06.920 The same thing with swimming recently.

00:09:09.140 I decided to do, originally I thought

00:09:11.220 it was a five and a half kilometer swim.

00:09:13.040 It turned out to be six and a half kilometers.

00:09:14.760 It took me three hours to do.

00:09:16.460 Longest swim I've ever done in my life.

00:09:17.880 It was across the widest point of this lake

00:09:19.960 I live on called Okanagan Lake.

00:09:22.280 And I just kept saying another 500 meters.

00:09:25.700 I'd look at my watch and I'd just say,

00:09:26.920 look, I'm just committing.

00:09:27.820 My buddy David was on the boat

00:09:29.300 and I was swearing, I was upset,

00:09:30.860 my back was starting to cramp

00:09:31.900 and I was just like, 500 meters, that's it.

00:09:34.680 And we'll reassess.

00:09:36.120 But then eventually I was like,

00:09:37.980 no, we're gonna finish this.

00:09:39.080 It's almost like the momentum starts to get built

00:09:41.580 and once I got more than halfway across the lake,

00:09:44.020 then it was like, no, for sure I'm gonna finish.

00:09:45.760 I mean, even at the end of that swim,

00:09:47.460 I said, hey, I'm not stopping anymore

00:09:49.300 to have a conversation with you.

00:09:50.540 I'm going the next 2000 meters.

00:09:51.800 He's like, I don't think that's a good idea.

00:09:52.880 We should talk.

00:09:53.460 And I'm like, no, I'm going.

00:09:55.480 I'm there, I'm committed.

00:09:56.820 You build momentum,

00:09:57.860 but it starts with just today right and then the other part that really helped me I believe stay

00:10:05.400 sober and and and I say this and it's part of what this this kind of belief is is the identity shift

00:10:11.260 is I don't consider myself an alcoholic right and I know that works for a lot of people but I just

00:10:16.900 don't drink I am not a drinker I do not drink alcohol so because of that I don't have to like

00:10:24.060 think about when I drive by a liquor store,

00:10:25.760 if I'm going to stop and buy some alcohol.

00:10:27.160 I don't think about the things that would come with that.

00:10:30.100 So a lot of people think, you know, when you ask them,

00:10:31.920 it's like, oh, you don't drink.

00:10:33.160 It's like, no, I quit.

00:10:34.460 When people say you don't drink,

00:10:35.640 I say, no, I just don't drink.

00:10:37.360 I just don't.

00:10:38.620 They say, why?

00:10:39.300 I go, oh, I'm allergic to it.

00:10:40.200 It all depends on the context, but I just,

00:10:42.080 I don't really care.

00:10:43.320 I just, I honestly like have gotten to the point

00:10:45.520 where I'm so okay with it.

00:10:47.680 It's like, it doesn't matter.

00:10:48.700 I have non-alcoholic versions of every drink that I enjoy.

00:10:52.400 I know what they are.

00:10:53.480 Most of the bars carry it.

00:10:54.840 I ask them to make it.

00:10:56.360 And it's just not an issue.

00:10:59.060 And to me, those three beliefs that for change to occur,

00:11:04.320 the pain has to be deep enough.

00:11:06.440 The second one is I only have to worry about today

00:11:08.820 or the next kilometer or the next telephone pole, right?

00:11:12.860 And just focus on that and then reassess.

00:11:14.920 And that's all I'm gonna give myself

00:11:16.160 the pressure of achieving.

00:11:19.100 And then finally, the identity shift is that it's,

00:11:21.500 i'm not i didn't quit drinking i don't drink and that shift allows me to kind of re-internalize

00:11:28.460 and re-compartmentalize and restructure my beliefs around who i am and how i behave so

00:11:33.740 that there's no there's no effort there's no pressure there's no weight to those decisions

00:11:38.780 it's just who i am you know there's this great um psychiatrist named carl young okay he's he's

00:11:46.380 like the personality psychiatrist,

00:11:49.980 a lot of people talk to him.

00:11:50.900 And he has this great quote that I think summarizes

00:11:53.320 what I just shared, which is,

00:11:54.900 I'm not what happens to me,

00:11:56.240 I am what I choose to become, right?

00:12:00.880 So it's like, I'm not what happens to me,

00:12:04.180 all like deciding that I shouldn't drink

00:12:06.840 or that I wanna, you know, that I'm overweight

00:12:10.700 or I don't feel good about my situation or whatever it is.

00:12:13.560 It's, that's not who I am,

00:12:15.720 It's who I choose to become, right?

00:12:18.440 So a lot of people, I think they look at their history

00:12:22.380 as their future.

00:12:23.620 Like what they've done in their life at that point

00:12:26.140 is who they will become.

00:12:27.300 I am somebody argues with people.

00:12:29.820 I am angry, I am sad, I am an alcoholic,

00:12:33.280 I'm a drug user, I'm a gambler, I'm an addict, 0.77

00:12:35.180 I'm addicted to video games, porn, whatever it is. 0.90

00:12:39.840 And what I've discovered is as a human,

00:12:42.020 I'm a meaning maker and I get to choose the meaning

00:12:44.520 that I make for stuff.

00:12:45.520 So I choose who I want to become

00:12:47.580 if I give myself permission to do that.

00:12:49.660 And that quote for me really summarizes

00:12:51.740 is that we get the fuel with the deep enough pain,

00:12:54.300 then the small commitments,

00:12:56.020 but give yourself less pressure with the daily,

00:12:59.800 you know, today only.

00:13:01.760 And then finally, the identity shift

00:13:04.600 of that person you wanna become

00:13:06.340 so there's no effort involved because it's just who you are.

00:13:08.700 You are an athlete.

00:13:10.320 You are an epic husband.

00:13:12.280 You are an incredible father.

00:13:13.900 That's your identity.

00:13:15.740 Adopt it, put it on, keep it on, wear it.

00:13:19.620 And eventually, like my buddy Todd Herman likes to say,

00:13:22.820 the alter ego you're playing

00:13:25.620 will eventually become the person who you are.

00:13:27.560 And that is a powerful idea.

00:13:30.020 So I hope this message finds you incredible

00:13:33.020 and that it resonated with you.

00:13:34.260 I wanna hear from you below in the comments.

00:13:35.760 Let me know what connected with you the most.

00:13:38.520 And as per usual, I wanna challenge you

00:13:40.240 to live a bigger life and a bigger business.

00:13:42.740 and I'll see you next Monday.

Dan Martell - October 10, 2022

The Real Reason I Quit Drinking

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