Dan Martell - You Can Only Keep What You Give Away

00:00:00.000 For those of you who don't know Dan yet, because you will soon, he is a successful

00:00:05.740 tech entrepreneur having exited three companies. He is an accomplished investor

00:00:10.800 having invested in over 40 startups and he's a renowned speaker who has sought

00:00:16.180 out to speak at major events all over the world. He's worked with the likes of

00:00:21.600 Mark Cuban, Richard Branson and the founder of Uber who was an investor in

00:00:26.720 of his companies. His YouTube channel has the largest audience for software entrepreneurs ever.

00:00:32.960 Many of you already know that Dan also went through the Portage program when he was a teenager.

00:00:38.320 He's not shy about sharing this publicly and creating that awareness in itself of how Portage

00:00:44.560 can help youth with substance abuse issues is already so helpful to Portage. The difference

00:00:51.200 dan makes in these boys lives is profound hearing from dan what he went through and where he is

00:00:59.120 today shows these young men they are capable of great things too dan makes it clear to the youth

00:01:06.000 that he sees potential in them that he believes in them some of them haven't heard those words very

00:01:11.280 often he's even been known to tell them to call him once they reach a specific goal and he gives

00:01:17.600 his cell phone number. Many of them say he is inspirational, that he gives them hope,

00:01:24.880 that he sees them for who they want to be. But ultimately, Dan is an amazing role model.

00:01:32.720 And so today we are very honored to recognize Dan as an outstanding role model for Portage.

00:01:38.960 You know, this is 22 years in the making, but I want to say thank you to Dr. Howlett and

00:01:54.460 Vamos and King and the Lions Club and everybody that was involved, Crystal, Luke, Jordy, Doris,

00:02:05.820 and I know I'm forgetting some names, but everybody that was involved in the

00:02:09.860 early days of Portage, on behalf of my friends, my family, my father, my beautiful

00:02:17.160 wife, and most importantly my two amazing little boys, thank you for saving my life.

00:02:21.360 Thank you.

00:02:22.420 one thing I believe is that we all have the ability to extend our belief in other people

00:02:40.720 in a way that many times they're not able to see or even ready to receive and what's

00:02:49.080 interesting for me as i kind of look over my life and some of the things that i've

00:02:53.560 accomplished and the people have showed up is is many times these people didn't even know that they

00:02:57.720 were doing these these acts of incredible uh transformation to us right they're they're

00:03:05.320 they're sentences that are said in passing they're moments where somebody shares something with you

00:03:09.960 and you reply to them and you know you you never really know the impact that you have till years

00:03:14.600 later when you know if you're lucky they stop you and thank you like you know Jen

00:03:18.740 engage sharing their story tonight and for me that the the moment when I look

00:03:25.940 back as to when that first happened to me was you know a 16 years old sentenced

00:03:30.680 to an 11 month sentence in st. John regional correctional for the severity

00:03:34.700 of my crimes I got sentenced to an adult facility and it was it was a

00:03:39.800 essentially a therapeutic community in an adult you know correctional center and I you know this

00:03:46.380 had not been the first time I was in jail and I'd gone to many other programs and I decided that

00:03:50.700 time though it was going to be different and I showed up and I did the work and I went to school

00:03:54.760 and I tried to better myself and it was maybe three months into the program the way they did

00:04:00.840 breakfast was everybody came out of the cell blocks and sat down and had breakfast and they'd

00:04:05.140 put a cup of a pot of coffee and you know toast jam and some some meats and you know at one point

00:04:11.660 there's this kid sitting across from me named kurt and i don't know if you guys you know went to

00:04:16.380 high school with with these you know young muscly essentially a genetic freak he had like an eight

00:04:21.640 pack this was kurt i was like i didn't know 15 year olds came that way and so all of a sudden

00:04:29.920 Kirk goes and reaches for the, you know, pot of coffee and it's empty and as he pours it,

00:04:34.480 he looks around and he said, who's the goof that drank the last pot of coffee?

00:04:39.120 And I knew it was going to be on.

00:04:41.160 And everybody looked at me and I was like, fuck.

00:04:44.800 I said, I did.

00:04:45.740 What are you going to do about it?

00:04:46.900 Next thing you know, Kirk jumps up.

00:04:48.460 Boom.

00:04:49.080 Fight goes off in the cell block.

00:04:50.780 The guards rush in, grab us.

00:04:52.520 My feet didn't touch the ground.

00:04:53.820 They walked us right down the hallway and threw us into solitary confinement.

00:04:57.120 And I will tell you, as a human, one of the worst things you could do to another person is strip them down to their underwear 23 and a half hours in light, locked up, not knowing how long you were going to be in that place.

00:05:14.000 And as I sat there on the concrete bed staring at this stainless steel toilet and sink, it gave me a lot of time to reflect on my life and what I needed to change.

00:05:29.760 And it was on the third day of being in the hole, they called it, that the door opened and there was a guy there named Brian.

00:05:37.360 And Brian was one of the guards that worked at the facility.

00:05:39.980 And what you need to know about Brian is he was stern but fair.

00:05:45.840 He was the kind of guy that if you listened to him when it was time to clean up

00:05:49.160 or finish your homework, that he would look the other way, you know,

00:05:52.520 if you wanted to grab a second dessert, right?

00:05:54.520 But when he talked, people listened because there was a respect there.

00:05:58.240 And here he was.

00:05:59.100 He opens the door, his head shaking, absolutely disappointed,

00:06:03.180 and just says, come with me.

00:06:05.120 And I leave the cell, and I follow Brian,

00:06:07.280 and we're walking down the hallway back to the cell block,

00:06:09.380 And as we walk down the hallway, we actually pass the door to the cell block, and we go to the second door, which is the guard unit.

00:06:17.140 And I'd never been in the guard unit because it's a one-way mirror, and, you know, I also knew I was not supposed to be in the guard unit.

00:06:22.940 And he brings me, and he asks me to sit down, and I sit down in the corner of this unit, and he just looks at me.

00:06:30.040 And I figured, oh, man, I'm going to hear it now.

00:06:33.700 And he says to me, he looks, and he goes, Dan, why are you here?

00:06:39.380 and I'm like I got in a fight with Kurt and he's like no because what are you

00:06:46.820 doing in this place stolen car drugs he goes no he said what are you doing in

00:06:57.340 this place I was like what do you mean and Brian said I just want you to know

00:07:05.020 that I've been working here for almost 10 years and I meet a lot of kids and you

00:07:11.320 don't belong here and I see you do your homework and I see you try to stay out

00:07:17.200 of trouble and I want you to know that you don't belong here as a 16 year old

00:07:24.160 boy maybe I'd heard it from other people prior and I wasn't ready to listen but

00:07:28.420 here's a guy that obviously came from a place to share that message to believe

00:07:32.680 in me in a way that I could have never believed in myself and something shifted in that moment

00:07:44.120 and I realized there was an opportunity for me to take a different approach and

00:07:49.640 and better myself and after two months of working on on myself and doing the program

00:07:55.800 at St. John Regional I had the privilege of being released into custody at Portage New Brunswick and

00:08:00.920 And what's crazy is I only had five months left to do.

00:08:03.540 Back then, there were longer programs.

00:08:05.720 And everybody thought, I was just telling this to Jordy,

00:08:07.660 that a lot of people thought I wouldn't stay after the five months

00:08:10.340 because essentially I didn't have to.

00:08:12.420 And I'd been gone for almost a year.

00:08:14.540 And I did.

00:08:15.440 And I needed that.

00:08:16.560 And I tried to, I remember, I tried, my dad was there in court.

00:08:19.680 I tried to get into Portage.

00:08:21.060 And back in the day, Pierre Robert said, no, go do some time.

00:08:27.460 It was the right call, 100%.

00:08:29.640 I did an 11-month program.

00:08:33.200 I had a lot of work to do.

00:08:35.820 When you hear Gage and others say six months,

00:08:38.580 that just gives you a sense of how deep I had to go.

00:08:41.880 Luke one time caught me freaking out.

00:08:44.160 I was chief.

00:08:45.100 I had the keys.

00:08:46.600 And this kid Bobby just wouldn't stop annoying me

00:08:50.040 to the point where I literally threw them across the bedroom

00:08:54.820 and jumped out of a window and said,

00:08:56.620 I'm running away and screw this place

00:08:58.640 and I'm going to go pull a Keenan, which was a guy that tried to run away

00:09:01.980 and after three and a half hours in the rain decided to walk back.

00:09:07.060 But I think I said I'm better than Keenan.

00:09:10.460 And Luke found me and walked me off the ledge.

00:09:15.300 So it's interesting.

00:09:17.680 At the end of that program, I was helping Rick Cook,

00:09:21.040 one of the maintenance guys, clean out a cabin that was on the...

00:09:24.340 I don't even know if it's still there, but it was part of the old buildings

00:09:27.160 and there was this old book on Java programming

00:09:30.000 in a 486 computer just sitting there.

00:09:32.740 And I opened up this book

00:09:34.080 and I'd never seen computer code

00:09:35.740 and I started reading, it read like English.

00:09:38.480 I always thought it was like, you know,

00:09:39.440 ones and zeros and hexadecimal numbers

00:09:41.440 and it said, if this, do that.

00:09:43.820 And I just, you know, chapter one,

00:09:46.140 followed the instructions

00:09:47.180 and 25 minutes later,

00:09:49.280 I had the computer saying, hello world.

00:09:53.280 And I thought to myself,

00:09:55.120 this is how egotistical sometimes

00:09:56.860 you can come off. I was like, man, I must be like a Doogie Howser of computer programming.

00:10:02.360 Like a secret, and all my friends are laughing because they clearly know that wasn't the case,

00:10:07.180 but like, I literally thought that that was, maybe I was gifted or something.

00:10:13.660 Oh yeah, stories you tell yourself, but here's the reality. And then we're going to sit down

00:10:19.560 and do some Q&A, but portage and programming for me allowed me to rebuild the relationship with my

00:10:28.720 family, my father, learn what made me tick, my values, and all these success. The person I am

00:10:38.880 today, it's why it's so important for me to share my story, is 100% the byproduct of that place.

00:10:44.480 and you know the way I see it is computers became my new addiction which

00:10:51.240 my dad always said man Dan if you could just find something that you're

00:10:55.100 passionate about that isn't illegal I think you do okay for yourself plead

00:10:59.960 with me plead I just feel super blessed and honored that I you know since then

00:11:07.400 I've had the privilege of you know and building my own companies and investing

00:11:11.220 and others and you know also being in a position to support the next generation

00:11:17.340 of graduates and and work with at-risk youth all over the world I share this

00:11:21.660 story with adults in San Quentin jail and current facility in the US and you

00:11:27.060 know give them hope as grown men that are doing life sentences that life can

00:11:32.460 actually be pretty freaking awesome so I want to wrap up just by saying that I

00:11:39.600 I truly believe we all have that power that in these moments, tomorrow, next week, you might come across somebody and see something in them and just be really impressed.

00:11:52.560 And in that moment, you have two decisions.

00:11:53.980 You can either stop and take the time and let them know, or you can continue doing what sometimes is the easiest, which is think it to yourself and move on.

00:12:03.460 and I just think that wow what a special gift we all have to truly to share our excitement belief

00:12:12.620 and and just appreciation for somebody else's gift in many times when they there's no way they

00:12:18.620 would see it for themselves so my friend Josh Shipp who has an incredible story is of his own

00:12:25.260 of you know foster homes etc and and just becoming an incredible author and speaker he has a quote

00:12:30.720 that says, and I think it's super fitting for this room, that every kid is one caring adult away from

00:12:38.060 the next success story. I truly believe that. And there are so many people like Brian,

00:12:47.340 the staff at Portage, the folks that I've never even had the opportunity and the privilege to

00:12:51.380 meet that just had such a huge impact on my life and continue to this day. And if you don't feel

00:12:58.100 like you can be that caring adult what i would encourage you to do is to donate to portage and

00:13:03.620 we will be that adult for you and continue on supporting the program so with that i want to

00:13:11.380 thank you guys again for having me tonight

00:13:17.380 One of the things that struck me about your presentation, Dan,

00:13:28.680 is you're talking about a transformation.

00:13:32.300 And what is it about certain individuals that this transformation from adolescence to adulthood?

00:13:41.500 Can you talk a little bit about your process of, you know, first, do you now consider yourself an adult?

00:13:46.360 No, I mean, if you ask my dad, he would be like, I think eventually he's going to grow up.

00:13:52.780 It's true.

00:13:53.320 I don't mean to pick on him, but he's my best friend.

00:13:57.280 You know, I just think that it's this journey.

00:13:59.700 And too often I was talking to a few of the recent graduates where they, you know, they still feel like they got to figure it out.

00:14:04.900 And, you know, I don't know a lot of adults that have figured it out.

00:14:07.740 and when I go and talk to the the kids at Portage the young men and women my message is really

00:14:15.500 simple is is just be okay not knowing you know one of the things that I share quite often with

00:14:21.720 people and I think this pertains everybody in this room is for me anyways is I could have never

00:14:27.260 described my life today and I don't say that to brag but it's just like literally just I feel

00:14:33.440 super grateful and blessed um and all the only explanation i can give is is dream big and give

00:14:40.980 yourself permission to do that take action massive action jfdi style you guys can google that um

00:14:47.900 and be grateful when you win and when you lose and just be grateful for having nothing in the

00:14:54.160 fact that you get to breathe today because i think that's always an easy place to start and

00:14:58.080 just be grateful when great moments come to you and I think that if that could be a driving kind

00:15:04.080 of principle for a lot of the kids in that transformational state I think that that's

00:15:08.420 that's a good place to to start and you know you told a very vivid story about being incarcerated

00:15:14.700 incarceration uh what is it about that that you know you were in a building locked up for as you

00:15:22.140 mentioned for 23 hours in a room but you know some of us through our lives have been in various

00:15:28.780 states of incarceration without being incarcerated um if you see what i'm getting at here how does

00:15:36.180 that uh you know how's that impact at you in your life and you find yourself still you know

00:15:41.420 imprisoned at some a lot of stuff i mean there's a few things there one um i i just feel because

00:15:47.140 i went through so much at such a young age that the stuff i do today where people are like man

00:15:51.960 you're such a big risk taker I laugh I'm like not really like this business deal that's little

00:16:00.040 compared to the kind of risk I used to take and so there's there's that aspect of just you know

00:16:07.780 I'm grateful for what I went through I wouldn't change a thing unfortunately obviously I hurt a

00:16:11.960 lot of people along the way but it also shaped me to who I am today and I'm really happy with that

00:16:16.380 so that's the first thing but the second part of it I think is that some people do feel like they

00:16:21.840 It might be, you know, you don't have to be locked up to still feel constrained or that you're stuck.

00:16:29.800 And what I learned at Portage that served me in the most enormous way in business was the power of being around people that have been there before.

00:16:39.580 When I got to Portage, I was in a hole.

00:16:43.180 And all of a sudden, I met some of the staff that I mentioned tonight that had already climbed out of that hole

00:16:49.160 and were able to give me guidance into where to put my hands and my feet to make that journey.

00:16:55.840 And, you know, it doesn't matter what struggle you're having in your life.

00:16:59.620 If you can find people that have gone through that and successfully done it and spend as much time.

00:17:04.060 One of my mentors, Ken Nickerson, who I met through Frank McKenna,

00:17:07.300 you know, when I decided to move to San Francisco to, you know, spread my wings

00:17:10.740 and see if this internet thing was a big deal.

00:17:14.120 He said, find the smartest people you can and spend as much time as they'll allow you to spend

00:17:18.480 without being creepy that was his that was his advice and it's great advice um so i just think

00:17:26.860 that um you know portage taught me just this beautiful lesson of the power of positive peer

00:17:33.440 pressure you know someone like me who would look at you at age 16 and uh and this you know let's

00:17:42.200 face it the world is full of we have preconceived notions right and many of us have been with

00:17:48.460 people who for whatever they're going through uh have said you know there's nothing we can do

00:17:54.960 it's hopeless but what is it about these people you're talking about these mentors the people

00:18:00.520 who work like luke and others here what kind of freaking quality is it does a person have to be

00:18:07.100 able to when everyone else has given up hope you know to to see that through yeah so i mean what's

00:18:15.460 interesting for me is two things. One, when I go speak to the kids, one of the messages I want to

00:18:19.580 share with them is that they are in a unique position because of their circumstances to create

00:18:25.100 incredible value in the world because they've already got the base skills, all right? So what

00:18:30.740 I mean by that, I got my MBA on the streets. I got my business acumen selling drugs. I learned

00:18:36.280 about financing cash flow, debt by fronting people drugs. And I say that jokingly, but the truth is

00:18:43.360 that like there's so many lessons that these kids have innate and the only thing that they're missing

00:18:50.060 is just that direction right just that that um that outlet that is positive not negative and if

00:18:56.140 they can figure that out they're unstoppable and I believe that I believe that people that can deal

00:19:01.620 with the most uncertainty are able to create the most in the world because that's what's required

00:19:05.920 and a lot of these kids have that in spades because their environment for the most part

00:19:11.480 growing up was very uncertain. And what I want to share in regards to what makes, you know, some of

00:19:18.280 the staff at Portage be the kind of people that don't give up, I think it's because they absolutely

00:19:25.880 love and they see themselves in all the kids and all the residents. And it reminds me of a time

00:19:32.880 one day, me and my dad were walking on the beach and I just looked at him and I asked him why he

00:19:40.300 didn't give up because when I looked back over the things that I put my family through

00:19:48.020 it didn't make sense and he just paused and started tearing up and he just said it's because

00:19:58.040 I loved you because gosh knows sometimes I wanted to I just I just couldn't and I just believe

00:20:06.020 that's what's true and all those counselors and the and the staff and the people on the board

00:20:09.780 and everybody in this room right okay so we're transforming from the there and then to the here

00:20:17.200 and now we have a room full of uh people who uh you know i've heard some great testimony from

00:20:23.660 people like yourself tonight and of course what we've been talking about here uh how can we uh

00:20:31.240 how can we make this even better i think one of the biggest things that i hope people realize in

00:20:38.040 hearing Gage's story and my story is addiction affects everybody. And some of you guys have

00:20:45.420 family members, loved ones, neighbors that are alcoholics or deal with drug problems and maybe

00:20:51.960 are silently dealing with these issues and you don't even know. And I think too often, you know,

00:20:57.620 especially when I go speak with at-risk youth, there's this perception that these kids are,

00:21:02.640 you know from single you know parent families or on the wrong side of the the neighborhood or

00:21:08.900 whatever and the truth is is they're your they're your neighbors they're your your family members

00:21:15.680 these are people in society and addiction affects everybody and I just think that we all have the

00:21:23.840 opportunity to support especially if we can work with the youth to really stop you know multi-generational

00:21:32.160 Like, the thing that I'm most proud of is my kids won't know what addiction is because of the work that, thank you.

00:21:48.100 Again, because of the, you know, portage and the people that showed up in my life.

00:21:52.700 So, just to finish off, whatever happened to Kirk?

00:21:58.840 Man, I got so many stories and I wish they had a great ending.

00:22:01.660 You know, that sounds like a facetious question, but ultimately, how rare are you?

00:22:07.500 I mean, you're just like one in a moment.

00:22:09.260 I don't want to be rare.

00:22:10.060 I was actually screaming at, screaming, heavily influencing the conversation over there.

00:22:15.920 Here's the deal.

00:22:16.680 Every time I go speak to kids, I tell them, you get out of Portage, you stay sober for a year, you message me.

00:22:21.160 If you can't figure out how to get a hold of me, you're not trying too hard because I'm everywhere.

00:22:24.960 Right.

00:22:25.520 And I will help you create your dream life.

00:22:27.660 And when I say that, and people that know me, I don't mean that, like, a little bit.

00:22:32.080 I mean I will put the full weight and force of every resource I have in my powers to create that for that person.

00:22:37.800 Why?

00:22:44.820 Because one of the biggest things I learned from Portage, and this is the first thing that they taught,

00:22:49.840 I don't know if it came from AA, but you can only keep what you give away.

00:22:53.200 And in doing that, I get to keep my sobriety.

00:22:55.980 I get to keep the peace, the love that shows up in my life by doing this.

00:23:02.100 So I think a lot of people would say, why do you tell your story?

00:23:04.620 What's the upside?

00:23:06.220 Because I have the opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level than otherwise would be just mostly surface.

00:23:15.840 I'm going to go down and have a look at it.

00:23:17.260 Let's go look.

00:23:18.920 I'll be back.

00:23:19.540 My dad hasn't seen it.

00:23:25.980 Oh my god, can I sit here?

00:23:28.600 Yeah, sit in.

00:23:29.440 Alright, now I'll take it because he's going to want to start it.

00:23:31.440 Thanks so much.

00:23:33.440 Yeah, just hold on right up here.

00:23:35.440 Right there.

00:23:37.220 Now hit the start button down on the thing.

00:23:40.520 Right down there, it's on the console.

00:23:42.180 Start.

00:23:42.920 Down lower.

00:23:44.300 Right there.

00:23:45.020 Up.

00:23:45.520 Right there.

00:23:52.460 Oh, fuck.

00:23:55.980 Nice.

00:23:57.520 It's all right.

00:24:00.280 I didn't shut it up.

00:24:01.580 You just hit the button again.

00:24:02.860 You shut it up.

00:24:04.480 You just pull up and then push with your elbow.

00:24:07.340 Yeah.

00:24:08.200 And then I just grab on right here.

00:24:11.020 Oh, wait.

00:24:11.860 Yeah.

00:24:13.080 Oh, my God.

00:24:16.340 There's not much room in this thing.

00:24:19.440 It's not meant for a daily drive or not for running errands.

00:24:23.380 I think my caravan is more comfortable.

00:24:25.980 Thank you so much.

Dan Martell - June 24, 2019

You Can Only Keep What You Give Away - Dan Martell Talk

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