In this episode, we have a special guest on the show, Rolo Tomasi, author of The Rational Mail, a 5-Series Book Series. We talk about the current dating market and how men and women are being left behind in the dating game. We also discuss why women are settling for men who aren't good enough for them and why men should be prioritizing long term dating over short term dating. Thanks to our sponsor, Fresh & Fit Coffee! Fresh + Fit is a coffee company that specializes in making delicious, healthy and delicious coffee. They have some of the best coffee in the entire country and we're here to bring you some of their best tips and tricks on how you can make the most out of your morning coffee and enjoy your morning cup of joe. Thank you so much for checking us out, we really appreciate it. We hope you enjoy this episode and can't wait to do it again next week. Love ya, bye. -Mike and Myron -Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! xoxo -Mike & Myron & Myles Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Produced by Riley Bray. This episode was produced and edited by Mike and Myles. Our theme song was written and performed by DJ Khale. . Our ad music was done by Mark Phillips. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, we'll be listening to this episode on Apple Music by John Rocha. Thank you for listening and sharing it on your social media platforms! We'll be looking out to you in the next week for the next episode of Fresh n Fit & Fit and we'll send you a review of the podcast next week! Love you! - Thank you, Thank you! -Podcasts! Mike, Myron and Meghan, Mike & Meghan Rola Tomasi Love, Rachael and the rest of the crew & Adrienne (The Rachella , , and Ada Ross Thankyou, MacKenzie . . and Coachella , Cheers, Cheers! - -Rolo, The R&B, Rachie, & Murphy, , etc. & the rest.
00:11:57.000So, Myron's actually doing a live stream with Vitaly right now and Ada Ross, catching some, you know, people, if you won't say what they are.
00:12:03.000So, tune into that after this as well.
00:12:05.000But whatever you do, guys, please tell us your idea of the current dating market, how to solve the problems we have with dating men and women.
00:13:35.000And what they're being told is you need to wait until your girl is done with her short term dating so that you get her for your long term dating.
00:13:43.000So when she turns 30 and she's done with her fun stage.
00:13:52.000If your girl has been to Ultra, Burning Man, and she's been to Miami Squim Week, and Atlanta Swim Week, and she's been to Ibiza, and she was at EDC, and she was at Coachella.
00:14:16.000The point is this bottom third of men, they're being left behind.
00:14:20.000And so there's other studies that show that as men make less money, the likelihood of them going a year without any sexual intercourse increases.
00:14:35.000Or my favorite one, obviously, which is pre-selection, make-choice copying, women approving you, making more women be attracted to you.
00:14:41.000Those things are not being taught in general.
00:14:43.000And so you have a bunch of women that are dissatisfied because they think they're settling because they're going after this small group of men at the top.
00:14:50.000And you have a bunch of men at the bottom who are dissatisfied.
00:14:52.000And the main thing is Andrew Tate does not become incredibly popular unless those men were not being spoken to.
00:14:59.000And the reason why he became so popular is because no one was speaking to those men.
00:15:04.000Richard Reeve even admits he's like, academicians were ignoring the idea that men could be in crisis.
00:15:10.000The idea that men could be in crisis or men could be a victim of anything was just so anathema to anything that academics believed.
00:15:16.000And because of that, that's the reason why Andrew Tate blew up so big, because no one was speaking to that group of people.
00:15:45.000Nothing's going to happen without action.
00:15:46.000People are literally waiting in their house, watching Pinion on Netflix, waiting for their Prince Charming to come knocking on the door, or their princess.
00:15:52.000It does not come without massive action.
00:15:55.000It is a numbers game at the end of the day.
00:16:46.000Some of the most popular shows I've ever done with other creators, when I do collabs, is when we sort of do like a play-by-play of dating like there's a video of a guy like you know kind of hitting on a girl or whatever and then really kind of I hate to say like be like John Madden you know like okay here's where he screwed up and here's where she's that kind of stuff and so so you can see it happen like live in real time or at least sort of an after-action kind of thing and honestly I think like everything you know that Mike and MK has said so
00:17:16.000far you know would be in full agreement with right you know Mike's gonna give you the nuts and bolts of it here But I think when it comes to doing something actionable and that's practical, it has to be face-to-face.
00:17:26.000And I think both men and women, when I talk to women, they'll say, you know, Rola, I've done everything right.
00:17:45.000There's no action on the guy's part either, right?
00:17:47.000And so it's like you've got the boys on one side of the playground, you've got the girls on the other side of the playground, and then neither one of them want to lower themselves to actually come together and do anything.
00:17:55.000And I think a lot of guys will say that they're afraid of making an approach because they're afraid that they're going to get a me too, or they're going to get some kind of rejection, like a serious ass rejection.
00:18:09.000They rely on things like, you know, Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, that kind of stuff, which is actually starting to, like, really lose popularity these days.
00:18:16.000So I think, like, shows like this or, like, learning the skills to actually approach live in real time is a lost art.
00:18:23.000Right now so I think really making those approaches and as you said taking action some something that's very important.
00:18:28.000I just what he just said right there there's a survey I recently saw came out women under the age of 30 something like I believe somewhere between 17 and 23 percent of them said that a man coming up and approaching them constituted harassment yes yes now that's not the majority of women but even the fact that a quarter or a fifth of women I would say that constitutes harassment.
00:18:50.000Everybody has the opportunity to ask once.
00:19:08.000And I totally understand where that comes from.
00:19:10.000So there was a question on TikTok, social media going around, where it says, if you're in the woods, do you rather encounter a bear or a man?
00:20:20.000We're going to do an icebreaker game where, for example, they're going to come in, meet each other, feel each other out, and then decide...
00:22:19.000Anytime somebody says trust me, I've been let down, they didn't follow through, their advice was wrong, so I think I'm gonna go with that one.
00:27:12.000But no, the thing is, so the first thing, I thought Tan, when he started off asking questions, there's this one survey in the UK that shows that When women say me or I seven times during a date, they're far more likely to have a second date.
00:27:24.000They looked at thousands and thousands of speed dates from that.
00:27:27.000But the other part was, at the end, I thought he was giving too much.
00:27:30.000And I know it was a three-minute date, but he doesn't need...
00:27:32.000I would never express, and I know you may disagree with this, but I'm a dating coach.
00:27:37.000The difference between being a matchmaker.
00:27:38.000I would never express that I wanted to get married on the first date, ever.
00:30:46.000I mean, so I'm pretty new here, but...
00:30:48.000Yeah, well, I meet a lot of people that are new, and a lot of people assume I'm new, too, or that I'm a tourist, but I've been here for a while.
00:30:55.000What's your favorite thing to do here?
00:30:57.000I live on the beach, so I really just love whenever I have free time, going down to the beach with some friends, hitting a pool party, something like that.
00:31:04.000You just got a place by yourself, or you live with family?
00:31:31.000I just think there were too many bad things that happened, and we just kind of lost love after that, and we never really had it in the first place.
00:31:38.000Did you guys like purposely have kids or just came back?
00:33:06.000One thing I want to say is, like, when you're on a date like this and a girl brings something up that's, like, chaotic, like the last two girls have, like, keep pushing that.
00:34:48.000She was about to give a talk on sleep patterns and how to manage your stress and how to make stress actually your ally and how to use it as a power.
00:40:38.000People tell me I look like Fresh, so...
00:40:44.000No, usually when I run into people, they don't think, especially when I'm traveling outside of Miami, that I actually live in downtown Miami because I'm your average looking white dude who speaks zero Espanol.
00:42:31.000By the way, if you're in the chat watching right now, Super Chat in your comments live or post it during the actual interaction so it'll be funny as hell.
00:45:00.000The one thing I'm going to comment about with the guys that actually surprised the hell out of me is that these guys actually had some conversational skills.
00:45:06.000I know you've got the questions here, but the fact that they could ask stuff and sort of improvise on the fly like that, that's a skill right there.
00:45:16.000So being able to carry on a conversation.
00:45:18.000One of the things I tell guys when we're on Access Vegas or when people call in for some sort of advice or whatever, one of the things I talk about is if you haven't taken a class in improvisational theater or something like that, you probably should, especially for guys who tend to be more introverts.
00:45:35.000I don't think we have one introvert here.
00:45:36.000And even the guy that can put his foot over his head, it takes a certain amount of extroversion to do that.
00:45:45.000If you tend to be more of an introverted guy or you fumble for conversation, this is probably one of the most common things.
00:45:55.000Asks for advice that we get is like, I can't carry on a conversation.
00:45:59.000I don't know how to keep things floating.
00:46:03.000I think if you had some sort of ability or some practice ability to do improvisational theater, one of the first things they teach you in improv is never say no.
00:46:53.000Even if you want to get married, that is something that she has to earn throughout the interaction.
00:46:58.000I really don't like the idea of giving up that much that soon.
00:47:02.000Because one of the things that happens is some women may actually see you as just, hey, this is a hot guy I want to hook up with.
00:47:07.000And some women may see you as relationship material.
00:47:09.000As soon as you say, I'm here to get married, that hot guy they wanted to hook up with, that relationship or that reality is fucking gone now.
00:47:35.000And so one of the things I always say is like, and one thing that I will say I really appreciate, because I've seen other shows like this, the guys start complimenting the girls on their physical appearance.
00:47:42.000It's okay to compliment them on other things, but physical appearance right off the bat, in dating today, is just such a terrible idea.
00:47:50.000I'm glad none of the guys did that here today.
00:47:52.000Again, if you're a matchmaker, I think it's different, but as a dating coach, For men today, most women are not interested in most men.
00:48:04.000And so in order to do that, you have to build your value.
00:48:07.000You have to build your value by getting her to invest.
00:48:09.000And when you start off the conversation with a bunch of compliments, or you start starting off by basically just giving up the farm and saying, I'm a Ready to get married off the gate, you are not only less attractive, you're less mysterious.
00:48:24.000And so that's why I tell guys, never do that.
00:48:26.000You can do it, but she needs to earn it.
00:48:29.000Most dating now, this is the way it's set up, a man is trying everything he can to keep a woman's attention so that maybe he has a chance of having sex with her and going on another date.
00:48:40.000You need to fucking break that paradigm.
00:48:42.000As a man, you have got to destroy that paradigm.
00:48:46.000You need to look at her like she has chlamydia.
00:48:48.000If that's what you've got to do, so you stop sitting there.
00:48:50.000You cannot be in a situation where it's like, I'm putting her under a pedestal.
00:48:55.000And women will appreciate it more because you get to be more of your authentic self when you behave like that instead of staring at her big boobies.
00:50:07.000They know they're going to have the conversation, so it removes one step in the flow.
00:50:11.000We're supplying the environment for them to thrive.
00:50:14.000Right, so that the conversation can take place.
00:50:15.000Okay, so guys, we're going to actually have a segment here because before we give the girls the power, they got to choose who went and who came.
00:50:25.000But now the guys have the power to choose who they're going to date with.
00:54:48.000It was a bio that had a description of, yeah, some of the things that you're into and perhaps also it was some of the work that you're doing.
00:54:58.000I noticed that you were either on, you know, social or on stages and really passionate about what you're doing work-wise.
00:55:06.000Well, I'm from Jersey and I work with some non-profits.
00:55:09.000I also do podcasting on the side as well.
00:58:29.000If he didn't assume or had that set up from the very beginning, would it have been more, like, I guess, relaxing to talk to him?
00:58:35.000I guess if it was the question, like, oh, like, what made you really curious about, you know, getting to know me?
00:58:40.000I feel like that's a different type of energy than assuming already, like, I don't know, it was just, yeah, it was, yeah, maybe the intensity.
00:58:47.000So I'm guessing he can't get on your plane?
00:58:54.000And that's okay, because not everyone's for everyone.
00:58:56.000Daniel, sir, you did the best you could.
00:59:55.000So, we're going to go to a paint sip starting out because she did tell me that she's a makeup artist, so she likes to do stuff with her hands.
01:00:02.000I know she likes to paint, so I want to find something that she likes to do because it's going to bring her into the fold, right?
01:00:10.000And then after that, I would take her to Gecko's.
01:01:48.000So, in my prior career, I was an interrogator for the U.S. Army.
01:01:52.000But I'll say this, because interrogations are actually control and repeat questions, and so I have not had enough time to actually sit here and talk to you and be able to figure out what is true and what's not true.
01:02:05.000So, there's some pseudoscience there for you guys.
01:02:07.000But out of those three, I would say maybe the dancer?
01:03:11.000First date, if I was you, it would be a course of AR-15 followed by MP5 and then maybe a Barrett and then we're going to do a Six Sour and a Gold Desert Eagle.
01:03:21.000That's what I would take a girl on my first date if I was you.
01:05:48.000I want to know who she is, because right now I just see the looks, and there's a million beautiful Hispanic women here in Miami, and trust me, I'm a good-looking dude.
01:05:58.000I get plenty if I really want that, but I'm not in that mindset.
01:06:01.000I'm really looking for someone to settle down with, someone I can have connection with, and I need to see the humor, baby.
01:13:16.000We get a bottle of wine, red, obviously, hopefully.
01:13:19.000We keep a second bottle in the tuck, hopefully, because, you know, one's good for now, and then if we like each other, we'll stick around for the second.
01:13:25.000And then, yeah, we just kind of vibe, you know, make some eye contact, good conversation on the beach, and then potentially jump in the water based on how much we drink.
01:13:35.000I live on the beach, so that's a perfect match for me.
01:13:37.000I think that's the ideal date, and if we like each other's company, we'll go get food.
01:13:41.000I think first we start off with some drinks, get comfortable, you know, get on the beach, and then if we like each other, we'll go get some food after, and then we'll see where it goes from there.
01:13:52.000So, I pick you up, ask you where you live, pick you up, tell you to kind of bring a bathing suit for backup in case we want to jump in the water, maybe dress for the night, you know, don't tell you where we're going after.
01:16:31.000Not blind date, but during COVID, I was on a social media platform where you submit a video and then females would DM you or reach out to you.
01:16:39.000So I had like over 100 dates on that, which went really well for me.
01:18:08.000But yeah, usually, I mean, things haven't really worked out, so I can't say that there was any, like, usually it ends before that even becomes an issue.
01:18:16.000So do you think you're going to change your ways going forward?
01:18:19.000And after our date, do you think this has changed your mind a little bit?
01:18:22.000Changed my ways in terms of, like, speaking up more?
01:18:26.000I think, like, with you, you're someone who actually seems to want to communicate with me, so with you, I think I would be able to do that, yes.
01:18:33.000Okay, so is there a second date after this?
01:19:32.000I thought that, like, he was asking a lot of questions, first of all.
01:19:35.000I mean, maybe that worked really well with her because she was passive, right?
01:19:39.000But I think most guys, if they feel like they have to carry the conversation like that, then you need to have a different tact.
01:19:46.000What I would have suggested, maybe Mike's familiar with this, is to use a breadcrumb technique, you know, like to sort of like lead from one question to the, like leading questions, I guess, like leading from one to the next to the next.
01:19:57.000So she's talking about herself, rather than saying, here's my, it's like negotiating the terms of a contract.
01:20:04.000As opposed to actually having some sort of human conversation.
01:20:07.000And maybe that's just because of the format that we're on right now.
01:20:09.000But I know that a lot of guys, when they are struggling with conversations, it's usually because they're the one that's floating the conversation the whole time.
01:20:21.000Yeah, well first off, I love the dating scenario, by the way.
01:20:26.000And just so for all the men in Miami dating right now, I know you feel like there's so much pressure, like I gotta get rid of sexy fish and all that.
01:20:32.000Like, here you have a woman who lives on South Beach who says, oh my gosh, a bottle of wine on a sunset?
01:20:45.000I mean, I think a lot of people think of it as like, oh, you meet a girl at a club and then you go have dinner and then you go like that kind of stuff.
01:20:50.000I think a lot of guys need to understand that, like, when they're trying to make an emotional impact on a woman, they need to have something that they can associate that emotion with.
01:20:58.000I don't know, hang gliding or parasailing or rock climbing.
01:21:01.000I'm throwing out really extreme ideas, but you get the idea.
01:21:04.000I hate to say it, but the Petco idea, the pet store idea was actually pretty novel.
01:21:09.000And I think that's actually, it's not necessarily an action, but you're seeing like animals there and it's like, oh, what kind of animal would you like if we were a couple kind of thing?
01:21:43.000There's innate sex differences between the genders, and it's way more important for a man to be interesting than a woman to be interesting on a date.
01:22:22.000I want things to go as crazy as they can and get as wild as they can to where she's barreled over laughing and At the first place we go, my man Austin Dunham, he likes to say two locations and two hours.
01:22:33.000Two locations and two hours for the first date.
01:22:35.000And then you as the man and the first date.
01:22:39.000But what these guys were doing were asking interrogation questions.
01:22:42.000I don't want to do interrogation questions.
01:22:44.000I want her to talk so much that she's almost glowing.
01:22:46.000And she's telling a story about some crazy shit that happened in her life.
01:22:50.000Because those crazy stories, like, that kind of goes across...
01:22:53.000I mean, that's what this whole Fresh and Fit program is about.
01:22:56.000It's women telling crazy stories about their life and men are listening to it.
01:22:59.000So that's where you can kind of cross the gender gap by doing that.
01:23:01.000So I would have liked to see a little bit more of that.
01:23:03.000But I think that takes a little bit of practice.
01:23:04.000I love Never Have I Ever, Two Lies and the Truth.
01:23:06.000There's a bunch of different games you can get.
01:23:08.000A bunch of different drinking games you can get that'll get people to turn things...
01:23:12.000To where they start telling the truth very quickly on.
01:23:15.000So that's what I'd like to see a little bit more.
01:23:17.000That emotional association doesn't necessarily have to be a positive one.
01:23:20.000It could still be a negative one as long as you're leaving her feeling something.
01:23:23.000I think the vibe just means she can talk about herself in totality, not be judged for it, and actively listen to her, what she's saying, give it back to her in a plausible way.
01:28:54.000No, to be honest, I would say I always, I actually had a hard time trusting what men would say to me.
01:29:01.000And I think now actually, now that you mentioned that, it makes sense because maybe on an energetic level, I could feel they weren't being authentic.
01:29:08.000So, yeah, sometimes it takes time to see if someone is really taking action versus just saying things.
01:30:36.000It was between Katie and Olivia, but Olivia won the Rock, Paper, Scissors contest between her and Katie before, so that's why I picked the one.
01:32:08.000You just came down here in a whim by yourself?
01:32:10.000Well, I transferred, so I was going to a school in Ohio on a scholarship for tennis, and so I was contacting some coaches down south because I wanted to come.
01:32:19.000So you played tennis in college as well?
01:32:44.000And then you gotta make a good relationship with your coach and let him know that you're not going to the preseason little voluntary but non-voluntary practices.
01:33:04.000But at the same time, tennis was basically freeing, because basketball season, it's like a nine-month season, and tennis is like two and a half, plus you're outside, not in the five-degree Scranton weather up there.
01:33:19.000So when it came time to play tennis, it didn't really feel like a college sport.
01:33:23.000Plus, I was already in shape because of basketball, so...
01:33:26.000I didn't have to go through all the, you know, the grueling exercise and whatnot.
01:33:29.000I could kind of just step on the court and play and just practice skills.
01:36:00.000That there are actually guys who can actually carry on a conversation.
01:36:05.000And the one thing I get the feedback from, maybe you do too, as being dating coaches, is when women are saying, I really wish guys would just approach.
01:36:13.000I really wish guys would just come, you know, a live approach.
01:36:16.000As opposed to, oh, we've got to meet on Tinder.
01:36:59.000So, guys, yeah, take this as a lesson, like...
01:37:02.000Out there, whether this works, whether it doesn't work, but out there, please be confident enough to approach women because, yes, they do want it.
01:37:09.000Yeah, and it is a skill set, and so continue to follow us for that skill set.
01:37:12.000Because guys in the chat, you might laugh at the guys on the screen, but they had the courage to come here and talk to those in person, and that is huge, by the way.
01:37:17.000That's very huge because most guys are like, oh, I don't want rejection or me too, which is understandable, but you've got to take that risk, man.
01:39:11.000Yeah, so Castle Club, we're giving away cash prizes every week and doing zone calls for you guys because you guys supported us thick and thin.
01:39:21.000Yo, Fresh, was there a winner for the raffle?
01:39:24.000Instead of ending and naming the winner, you'd be in contact shortly.
01:39:27.000Yes, there's a winner, but I'm doing something special for the winner as well as everybody else that participated in the actual raffle, so stay tuned for that as well.
01:39:35.000I'll hit you guys on the side about that.
01:39:37.000Other name Taken says, W Rollo from my father.