In this episode, we have a full cast of certified Black therapists and certified Black Business Brokers covering the topic of Black Dating Globally in the current marketplace. We discuss the benefits of being a Black Professional Traveler, the challenges of dating as a Black professional traveler, and how to be a good Black Traveler.
00:13:26.000do for living and then of course guess last of course so sorry into the mic hi my name is Ashley I'm 27 and I'm in sales my name is Tashana I'm 28 and I'm a teacher all right my name is Liesia I'm 30 and I'm a serial entrepreneur wait Liesia Liesia that's a crazy name okay like you're in asia just saying Hello,
00:13:54.000I am Miss Manassa and I am 42 and I am a therapist.
00:15:26.000But yeah guys, if you want to travel, I think we're going to get into that type of content later and kind of point guys in the right direction.
00:15:32.000But it's not as simple as, you know, getting on a plane and landing and speaking with the women.
00:15:38.000People don't know who you are maybe from the past videos or the past qualifications.
00:15:43.000No, we ain't going to address that now.
00:17:54.000It's the a lot of finger pointing about why that is.
00:18:00.000So this particular episode, we decided that one half of the black community, black women, there's a lot of stereotypes about how you all are seen.
00:18:28.000And then also us as men being able to hear your questions and also your grievances.
00:18:34.000And then hopefully we will even expound on, well, how do you feel about black men currently?
00:18:39.000And I think that if we can give space for that, you all will start offering it and then hopefully you'll be open to hearing what it is that we have to say.
00:18:47.000And I do think that as men, when we don't actually ask for y'all opinions, when we don't actually ask for how y'all think, this is what ends up happening.
00:18:55.000It seems like we're just talking at you instead of listening.
00:18:58.000So my hope and goals is that this is just one of many podcasts to come where we start to shift how we see and talk to each other.
00:19:05.000And my lens is I'm not just talking to you all.
00:20:03.000So my first question for black men is, do you believe black men and black women love each other differently or are we just taught to express our love differently?
00:20:23.000Do you believe black men, I'm sorry, my voice cracking.
00:20:26.000Do you believe black men and black women love each other differently or are we taught to love each like express our love differently that's a good question differently and compare it to who to each other like but male and female or like how a black man expresses his love versus like how a black woman expresses our love like oh gender differences i would think it's more gender than racial with that Like,
00:20:56.000yeah, I think the man's talking about only gender, though.
00:20:58.000Well, y'all said to make the questions about black men.
00:21:06.000I'm just trying to say if it's like comparing it by races or are you comparing it by races?
00:21:09.000Whatever you feel like you want to but it's your question i mean it's your question so i mean the way that i framed my question was like i guess more gender focused but specifically i don't know how white people love each other i don't even know how we love each other you're talking about black men versus black women that's what i'm saying yeah we're clear okay perfect go ahead you got it first oh oh so uh So just pretty much you're saying black men and black women love each other differently.
00:21:38.000So yeah, the man and the woman loves each other differently is what you're pretty much saying.
00:21:41.000Well, I'm asking like, okay, so I got it.
00:22:17.000that talks too much so you can tell her to shut up like you gotta have that balance like you need something like a balance they express themselves from their words and their emotions men they express themselvesves through their actions.
00:22:43.000I think it's a nature thing just because if you look even at the beginning of the Bible, Adam and Eve, they had their own set positions when they were brought on earth itself.
00:23:37.000is the relationships because it's the most emotionally charged and then also it's the most significant.
00:23:44.000Whereas family, you can have those falling outs.
00:23:46.000You're still going to be brothers and sisters, you're still going to be cousins, you're still going to be auntie, uncle, mom, whatever.
00:23:51.000The relationship part, we keep on separating before we figure out how to correct our behavior so we go on to the next relationship and ruin that also.
00:23:58.000And then we keep blaming the other gender and we never would talk anyway.
00:24:05.000So I'm from Barbados and obviously, you know, it's predominantly cheese on bread, black.
00:24:11.000And, you know, I enjoy my black queens over there and here in America.
00:24:15.000The problem is that, like, I think as a guy dating, especially if you're on the way to be successful or on the way up, some of you get jealous of us.
00:26:26.000So if they didn't feel like they were on home team, then you only left them the option of being competitive.
00:26:32.000So a lot of black women don't feel that they're on the same team with us, which is why we keep referring to ourselves as black women and black men as opposed to black people.
00:26:41.000So this is the issue with black women.
00:26:42.000So this is why they have an issue when they see us with non-black women, because they feel like there is an entitlement there, because they feel like we're supposed to be home team.
00:26:51.000Okay, so I'm home team, I'm playing the game, you fight against me, that's not teamwork.
00:26:56.000when the last time you been home team i'm just curious okay so i went to the motherland like two weeks ago no it's not like a month ago and i was there with a with a sister like you took one with you you took a woman with you yeah we had a time.
00:28:00.000If you can look at both numbers, the only reason why, it's, for some reason, media will only show more of the people who are interracially married.
00:28:58.000Because with her initial question about if black men and black women express and love the same way and express their love in the same way, the obvious answer is clearly no.
00:29:10.000What I'm more interested in is how that expression, how we're defining love.
00:29:27.000As Dom said pretty eloquently, actually, men tend to view their love through the lens of action service my view like for a lot of men's view is if I'm doing provision protection you know things of that ilk I'm coming home every day I'm loving you all the other stuff that falls outside of that that in their mind that has nothing to do with love so that's for them why they kind of can separate sex versus love because
00:29:57.000that's how he sees it from what he's trying to express Am I saying that's the right way to do it or that's the healthy way to see it?
00:30:05.000I'm just saying that that's how men see it.
00:30:08.000On the flip side, women seem to lean more heavily with the concept of love with it being based on their feelings and emotions.
00:30:16.000So the problem with that is although it's true, both sides, you got to like each other, but you won't always like each other.
00:30:23.000You got to care about each other, but there's moments when you don't care about the other side.
00:30:28.000And the issue is that when you lean too heavily with the feelings and emotions side, you're now going to start making really drastic and harmful decisions.
00:30:37.000So when it comes to expressing love, One way to view this is through the lens of vows.
00:30:43.000When men and women give vows to each other till death do his part and sickness.
00:30:49.000and health, richer or poorer, that seems to be a disconnect with what it is that women are claiming when they say that they love a man.
00:30:59.000If you're saying you love him and then you're giving all these oaths that's holding you to the standard of staying long term till death do us part, but we're having such high divorce rates.
00:32:15.000Well, if you really loved me, you would do this.
00:32:18.000Well, you should have been able to afford that.
00:32:20.000Or now you're basically saying, I can't even submit or love a man until he makes X. You didn't just come up with that on your own.
00:32:28.000So now your definition of love is not even just being led by your feelings and emotions.
00:32:33.000Now it's being led by external things that has nothing to actually So I'm going to tell you what my personal made-up definition is right here in the moment.
00:33:13.000everything else we're doing when we're in and out of relationships and putting all these crazy lofty standards on each other Everybody can do that.
00:33:21.000But for me, I think that's a base foundational level that I can clearly see whether she's loving me or not.
00:33:51.000If I love somebody for who they are, no matter what they do to me, I'm going to continue to love them because I'm not just loving my feelings for you.
00:34:39.000We need to think before we can come back and be in union together and actually have a conversation.
00:34:44.000But if I don't love you for who you are, first, I'm not going to get myself in feelings about you.
00:34:51.000And then now I'm kind of using my feelings as like a control mechanism in a way.
00:34:55.000And I'm sure we all have been there where it's like, we feel crazy.
00:34:58.000But it's like, if I'm like, and this happened to me recently where it's like, I felt like I was like, I like somebody so much, I was in love.
00:35:05.000But I'm there so deep that I lost myself.
00:35:25.000It's important in these conversations where we're talking about things in general, when we're not being specific, to take our own personal experience and project that onto society and everybody else.
00:35:36.000If most women thought like you did, they wouldn't be initiating 70 to 80 percent of the divorces.
00:35:41.000So the reality is you may love people for who they are.
00:35:45.000and be able to accept them and their flaws and their shortcomings and their low points.
00:35:50.000A lot of people are not able to do that.
00:35:53.000Now with men and women, now with men and women, that looks different.
00:35:57.000I don't actually think it's a gendered issue.
00:36:00.000For men, I genuinely do believe the more that we're able to master and lean in on our purpose, our values, and our ability to maintain the commitment that we've offered to her, that is the ultimate form of us being able to show that we love this woman.
00:36:17.000For women, the ability to not be led primarily by her emotions when they are negative, and still be able to show up, still be able to be present, still be able to cook.
00:36:28.000still be able to be nice and nurturing even when she don't want to.
00:36:37.000A lot, how many men are in marriages and relationships that say it was after she got comfortable or when things are going south or between us the sex decline the intimacy decline so it's not based on your love it's based on your feelings in the moment for when so when you love him this is how you showing all these things but when your feelings change all those things disappear so that's the thing that we're as a man i'm communicating and saying that's why we see it so differently what if you reversed it You
00:37:25.000If he started nitpicking and picking all the things that he just decided he's just not going to do anymore, you're going to learn very quickly and feel like this man doesn't love you anymore.
00:37:35.000Men by default, because they're not initiating all of the breakups and divorces, are staying in relationships when they aren't even loved.
00:38:53.000I was, I was gonna say that I lost myself and I had to go be alone and actually like, come out of whatever it was, like, and realize what's going on and it doesn't matter how much I love you as an individual.
00:39:05.000Guess who I need to love first and more?
00:39:44.000So it's like, but when you see something like that, you see a man in front of you that is crying in front of you now i have a lot of empathy for men because i know oh my god you're going through this now a lot of women might not have that they might not have a father they might not have a brother i was lucky enough that i had that so i can look at it like okay he's acting that way and low key it has nothing to do with me and he might not open up to me or tell me because he did not he was not raised like i was raised so even though he did whatever he did i i'm sorry but when the dudes be like it's not you it's me sometimes they mean
00:40:14.000it and sometimes men have to go through it but men don't know how to process their emotions and i accept that i don't process it like you some and i'm even gonna say it like that no how no and let me not even say that some men actually don't know how to process their emotions and I know that that's okay some men are not okay with opening up to people and that's okay.
00:40:32.000But if I am with you, the expectations are that you open up to me.
00:40:36.000I open up to you and I want you to feel safe and I want you to feel comfortable so that you can do that.
00:40:40.000You're going through what you go through.
00:40:52.000Yes, but what is my love not going to put money in your pockets?
00:40:55.000And that might affect your attitude now, right?
00:40:57.000So I still love you as a person because I know at the end of the day the way you're treating me has nothing to do with me.
00:41:03.000It has everything to do with whatever you're going through.
00:41:05.000And however, you need to process that because even with me, I was definitely getting emotional and I definitely was acting out of character and I knew that.
00:41:11.000I even said that to him, like, yo, I don't act like this about nobody.
00:42:09.000everything he needed to do as a man but as a man he can't give you what he thinks he needs to give you right so what but what is it that he needs to give me because he took out my trash he cooked me food he paid whatever he needs to pay for for me i don't get my nails done like that when i do get my nails don't guess who pays for it me if i need him to pay for it i'm sure he would but it's not that it's more like we talk about trauma and depression a man is going through something whether he has money or not again men sometimes do not know how to process their emotion sometimes is the key word all right and
00:42:38.000we're talking about emotions not just and again now it's I'm not telling y'all his history.
00:44:19.000and then connecting it to what you heard and what you just communicated you're describing and saying that these men emotionally aren't knowing how to process and communicate what they're dealing with right that's one of the things with with women fair legitimate critique right we as men can acknowledge that we've had moments or we may still struggle with learning and figuring out how to communicate our feelings and emotions.
00:44:47.000Our issue is, or my issue is, a lot of women that say that have an assumption that when When you're communicating this man doesn't know how to communicate his emotions He doesn't know how to process them and he doesn't know how to share them The assumption is that every woman that's saying that is that she knows how to handle that I just about to say that yeah The reality is, is most of you do not.
00:45:15.000Because that's why you struggle with handling your emotions and being led by your feelings sometimes.
00:45:22.000Because the same emotions that told you to leave the relationship was the same feelings and emotions that at one point told you to get in it.
00:45:29.000So the initial issue is understanding and recognizing on both sides.
00:45:34.000He doesn't always know how to communicate it.
00:45:36.000He doesn't even know what's happening sometimes.
00:45:38.000Pat, like you said, it's not even always about you.
00:45:41.000And when he has all that going on, and you're right, that he's not talking to somebody that's qualified.
00:45:49.000When you're not talking to a mentor, life coach, therapist, or social worker that's trained to help you bring those feelings and emotions to the forefront to figure out how it's impacting your behavior, how you're showing up, you bleed that onto the person you're with.
00:46:04.000So as men, we're just damaging and hurting y'all left and right, right?
00:46:45.000to heal about it but at the same time like i said before this work of understanding how we have to show up to better learn each other's communication styles.
00:46:56.000A lot of ladies are struggling with this piece with men because they're trying to get men to think, process, talk, and emote like they do.
00:47:07.000So it's difference between a man not saying nothing or punching holes in wall.
00:47:12.000But it doesn't mean for him he needs to talk about it every week.
00:47:16.000Sometimes he just needs to know who to talk to about it.
00:47:19.000And most men, in order from a therapeutic lens, they feel better when they hear steps, strategies, and they do it and the things that they do.
00:47:30.000And then when the things that they try to do, it improves.
00:47:33.000the outcome that's it just real quick just after your point let's say i have issues in the nfl and uh my girl's at the crib she's at the crib right and i'm going through it as a therapist should i console in her my issues and just give her everything pour on her or should i go to the therapist myself and say you know what i need for i need real help from a professional It's a mix.
00:47:57.000And I know everybody wants the cookie color black and white.
00:48:00.000Either tell your girl everything or tell her nothing.
00:48:34.000So if you start with that and she's showing up in the way she's supposed to when you're ready, because she's still checking in on you, because she's still serving, because she's still loving on you, when it's time and you feel like a lot of guys, they go through it on their own and come up out of it.
00:48:52.000Because you're not doing life by yourself.
00:48:55.000If you had a child and you're angry and tense and doing all this stuff and the kid is sensing and feeling this and the parent is never saying and recognizing my kid needs to know what's going on that's causing this and I need to stop making them feel like they're responsible for it.
00:49:12.000Eventually the kid's going to interpret I did something wrong.
00:49:18.000That's how our girlfriends and wives feel.
00:49:21.000Remember, if you are a man and you're supposed to be the leader, but you never lead in the area of emotions.
00:49:29.000Guess who then gets to lead what happens with the rest of this relationship her feelings and emotions Jeff real quick yes what about going to the gym as a man I can burn all my emotions in there work it out back to work and back to life isn't that better better it helps you but it but the gym doesn't solve all issues talking helps but it doesn't solve all issues Every piece that we're pointing to from a male perspective,
00:49:54.000same thing with women, there's no one size, there's no one thing you can do that answers all things in life.
00:50:00.000You have to become a well-rounded, healthy individual, right?
00:50:04.000If I'm just, if you come in for therapy and you experience this, right?
00:50:09.000The person that comes in every single week, they're talking, they're sharing, they're crying, and now it's we in month six, and you're still talking, sharing, and crying.
00:51:23.000I don't think many men or women would even know if they have unhealed wounds and it's subconsciously, you know, a trait that's going into their dating life.
00:51:30.000But I would say for love, at least for me, be dating for love.
00:51:34.000But that's only if I'm actually actively dating.
00:51:36.000So I have to be in the mood for that, that I want to pursue that.
00:51:40.000If I'm not in the mood to pursue love, I don't.
00:51:43.000You know, it's got to be in the mood for love because it's a strong commitment if you want to do it the right way.
00:51:49.000I mean, you can't be the same man that you are outside of relationships.
00:51:53.000that you can be when you're in because you change from being a dominator to a protector.
00:51:57.000So all your traits, a lot of them, they change.
00:52:00.000They go from domination, from conquering, from building I mean to building to protect and so you have to give up a lot with your lifestyle so I have to actively be in the mood for love and when I am I'm seeking it on the qualities of love itself okay damn I don't know how I should answer this um you can talk more personal you talk more what what I think generally speaking that that black guys are dealing with I think probably there's a lot of black men whether they realize
00:52:30.000it or not I think a lot of them end up dating based on acceptance.
00:52:37.000So what happens is for us the bar is extremely high and the requirements are stringent no matter what.
00:52:46.000So what happens is with other cultures, the bar seems like it's lower with the individual female, but then it's higher with her family and her culture.
00:52:57.000If you understand what I'm trying to say.
00:52:58.000So it's like, yeah, the Italian girl, she's digging on me and, you know, she's feeling it and she's she's aggressive and she's motivated and all this other stuff.
00:53:07.000But now what happens is moving forward with that relationship, now you have the difficulty with her in group, her culture, right?
00:55:09.000Yeah, if you're not good enough as you get older, he's going to be disappointed.
00:55:12.000And then you're trying to please your dad.
00:55:13.000But I think black men would be better off if we were trying to appease our fathers rather than literally everyone else we come in contact with on the planet.
00:56:12.000different from me so uh i just in that direction i guess uh it made more sense i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i guess i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna go in there Okay.
00:56:33.000It looks just like, generally speaking, most guys I know from either a successful realm or a regular realm, they often go because of the headaches and grievances because for them it's like, you know what?
00:56:41.000I got stressed in my life for my work.
00:57:03.000Let me just say, I've never seen a woman talk to her man in such a disgusting tone till I've seen her come to the family barbecue so and then another thing do you think that the reason why you have this outlook is that not only have you um just adopted that mentality i guess from barbados but you've also surrounded yourself by other individuals who feel and think the same way as you so you're like not giving yourself like um like an equal opportunity to even give your race
00:57:33.000a chance because you've already closed your mind off and then you went and surrounded yourself by people who think just like you.
00:57:39.000So there's no one like, nah bro, like, I, because honestly women are the same.
00:57:44.000I have white homegirls, I got black homegirls, purple, yellow, it don't matter.
00:57:56.000Okay, we all, we all have are the same grievances we all have the same complaints we all have the same wants needs desire i don't know so it's maybe we express it differently so so just before so i'll say this um you're right It's not the color, it's the person and the individual.
00:58:19.000Because I know girls that are white, that are truly trash and the ghettos hell.
01:00:41.000Now it's the black people still not liking the other black people to the point where now the black people are dating white people.
01:00:47.000I used to date white people and it was okay because I didn't have a choice because all the black people liked the white people.
01:00:52.000And I'm not like, it's no, like, it's just like, I've noticed like with, it's more of like an American thing.
01:00:57.000So you keep saying white, which you just said you like a girl that's black and she was from, she was in Paris and she's from South Africa or wherever you said she was from.
01:01:04.000So the question, it's not about the race at this point now, it's about the culture.
01:02:01.000So to me, it's just like this whole race shit.
01:02:03.000But I'm just saying, it's the individual, not the entire race and culture as well.
01:02:11.000So I heard like 10 different things going on between the men and women and I'm going to try my best based on what I heard and key points that I took away from what a lot of you were stating and then what I think is probably going on.
01:02:26.000You said an excellent point and your point about the tolerance factor, the acceptance factor.
01:02:33.000I don't think you all realize how significant that is when you were younger and you picked the wrong guys that you now know in hindsight weren't good for you.
01:02:44.000there were good guys there the whole time.
01:03:21.000So when you're expecting men that you didn't want, that you didn't take.
01:03:26.000that you didn't go on with to wait around to when you may feel like dating them.
01:03:32.000What human being deserves to live like that?
01:03:37.000There's a segment of black men who actually do like and love black women wanted them.
01:03:44.000I went to school with them and I'm going to give you an example from a y'all gonna hate me now of how horrible I was back in the day in my prime.
01:03:53.000When I was in college, me and my very, very small cohort of guys that was going to a predominantly white institution, the PWI, we ran the school.
01:04:18.000So what we learned and observed, there were hundreds of guys that were going to the school we were going to, taking the classes we were going to, and they kept coming back to the very guy, 20%, that wasn't even being in commitments, wasn't even locking it down.
01:04:48.000Everybody's talking about the warning, but nobody's talking about all the women that didn't want him until they learned his name yeah but they still don't want him so what i'm saying is yeah they still don't want him yeah so they want what he got right but the point i'm making is a lot of women dr umar who's going through his own challenges right now he brought up a key point about the finish line that when you were in high school and you did go to college there was an opportunity when you all can
01:05:18.000choose your father's not picking your partner it's sexual liberation you could pick your own partners There were young men who were freshmen like you are.
01:05:28.000We started experiencing this in high school.
01:05:30.000When we were sophomores, the sophomoresore girls wanted to date the juniors.
01:05:35.000When we got to juniors and seniors, they're dating 24-year-old men.
01:05:40.000When we get to college, a lot of men were seeing the same exact thing.
01:05:44.000They were going for the older guys that were in school, the guys that were out of school, or the small subset of men that was in the school that can get all the girls.
01:07:37.000When Dr. Umar is saying that a lot of our women, because of trauma, because of their mothers or grandmothers talking about what they went through, and now you got to make your own money and the guy got to make this and make sure did you this or that, although that's coming from a place of love, that's also coming from a place of survivability.
01:08:00.000When I was growing up, and even now, when you go to a Chinese food store and you go in there to order your shrimp egg roll and whatever, who's at the counter and who's in the back cooking?
01:08:16.000How many people, not y'all in particular, but how many of our women are talking about he's not a real man unless he can afford, blah, blah, blah.
01:08:35.000If a lot of stereotypically, if a lot of the men are doing construction work, working in the fields, working to do labor.
01:08:43.000Are there women stereotypically also working cleaning units she working clean trucks cleaning food doing food trucks so hold on so she working the asian woman working the hispanic woman working and they working with their men with their men either directly for their men or with their men and there's a segment not all of our women but a lot of us are saying our men need to be here and then when you all get degrees and y'all start making y'all money do y'all standards go up or down Hold on.
01:09:15.000If your standards, if you keep working and you keep making money and your standards are not going down but up, the pool of men that now meet that, it doesn't matter what his race is.
01:09:28.000The man that makes enough money that all the women in the world are saying they want, most of those men don't want to commit, they don't need to.
01:09:39.000When part of feminism in the quest of making more money and being sexually liberated is you got to pick who you want it, you got to have sex with who you want it, you get to have children with who you want.
01:09:49.000But the part liberal, not liberalism, but more so feminism left out is there's a consequence for that.
01:09:55.000So when you don't want to build, when you want to focus on only the small minority of guys and your standard is going up over time, you're going to fall into a scenario where your mindset is if I'm not getting with the men that I want.
01:10:07.000It's got to only be because the men hate their women or or because they hate us.
01:10:14.000No, you price out of the market is what it is.
01:10:36.000Yeah, I'll give you a deep thing in the chat.
01:10:39.000If you don't, donate to the show 300 bucks listen ladies i don't like black women okay let's just keep it all the way at 100 i love black women period but did you p hold on just with what he said and what i just said notice that what he said and what i said was actually the same thing nothing that i just said with those experiences y'all choices
01:11:12.000That was just your preferences, his options, who accepted them and what the standards were for what's being asked of these guys as we're both getting older.
01:11:50.000We go where we're appreciated and they tell you, oh, you settled for this.
01:11:54.000settled for that but when the men go where they're no that's not that's not hold on that's not hold on but that's not what you're saying hold on hold on that's hold on That's not where you're accepted.
01:12:09.000That's at the level that you can maintain commitment.
01:12:14.000And she's just saying, like, if you, like, okay.
01:12:17.000I'm settling for, you will tell a woman, in other words, she's just like saying, make the language equal for both sides.
01:12:23.000So if you're going to say that a woman is going to settle, like, if I am with a white man because that's what likes me, you're going to say, okay, you're settling for a white man.
01:12:52.000Because it's going to tie all this together, right?
01:12:54.000So the same, the same way there is a pool of black men that are being overlooked, those same black men, there's a pool of black women that they're overlooking.
01:14:03.000You don't know what it's like when it comes to never being desired.
01:14:08.000What you learn and find out later on after your teens and potentially your twenties and how long it takes before you fall off is that your options start to decline.
01:14:18.000There are men that never had options to begin with.
01:14:25.000You cannot take the super successful men and say that's the experience for most men.
01:14:29.000I am screaming at the top of my lungs and trying to tell y'all there are dudes that when you came here, there were dudes that you walk past.
01:14:47.000Y'all start experiencing that when physical things start to decline, when you start adding additional things in your life that now are now burdens for the next man.
01:15:03.000And you don't always typically know what the quote unquote invisibility factor is until you get older and you have to start buying your own drinks.
01:15:12.000So I've literally heard women have told me this in therapy sessions.
01:15:16.000You can look it up and go on YouTube and type in women being invisible and you'll start to see the decline.
01:15:23.000The reason why it's so distressing to them is because they went from 18 or 16 to 35 or 40 before they started even experiencing it.
01:15:32.000that oh people ain't asking me out as much There's guys that was never a norm for them ever.
01:15:40.000So what I'm speaking to is there's a segment of men.
01:15:43.000Some of them end up in anger and they lash out at black women.
01:15:45.000They use these podcasts and spaces to talk about how horrible women are.
01:15:50.000There's other men who go where they're appreciated.
01:15:55.000But what I'm saying is, be very mindful and careful.
01:15:57.000If y'all don't want all of you to be viewed and seen in a negative light in front of all black women this, all black women that, I was in an interracial relationship.
01:16:08.000Y'all have been in interracial relationships.
01:16:11.000I don't assume that you hate the black community when you did.
01:16:14.000But there's assumption that when we do it, we do.
01:16:20.000Yeah, so when we as men are hearing what y'all are saying, what we're trying to.
01:16:27.000explain is some of the men that you're describing are, you're totally right.
01:16:31.000What you're saying, the settling, the hatred, the bigotry, the racism, there are men like that.
01:16:39.000i am doing life with men who have never in their life uttered negative words about black women they just went damn near 40 years of their life where black women wasn't checking for them.
01:16:49.000So he has to keep waiting for this unicorn black woman that's going to look past what all the other black women didn't want.
01:17:09.000was even skinnier than I was now Do you think I had more options or less options less options less options so that means the same not just black the same women all races and cultures that didn't wasn't checking for me when I started making a little bit more money I got going in my career I'm now spending my time with millionaires and on yachts and getting on air helicopters and doing all sorts of stuff and they're seeing it online the very same women That would not go out with me.
01:18:24.000first oh that's what they do all the time all the time hold on let's let alexi go and i don't want to address what both of both of they said real quick before we change subject so okay i'm gonna be a little bit of a devil's advocate okay so the guys are the one who decide who to approach who to pick who to choose right excuse me Guys approach.
01:18:56.000So, doesn't that say something if the person keeps choosing people that don't choose them the guy or the girl which one the guy i'm talking about the guy so i hear all these experiences oh none of the black girls wanted me what those are the black girls you chose well i have a question so regarding your question are all black women the same no no no no no no i know you're not saying that and i'm intentionally framing the question in that way so
01:19:27.000we wouldn't assume that every black woman he's approaching is the same right hold on think think through what you're saying so when you say well he keeps going for a certain type of woman that they that don't want me ask a better question.
01:20:15.000And this is why niggas go to the DR. Every single guy or every single black man is only shooting his shot with only fans women is a lie it's not just strippers and only fans women they're changing and you got to remember what did i say about standards going thank you when you get when you start making money or you dated the guy that elevated your lifestyle your standards are not going lower so the average guy you now don't see him on the same level with you i'm gonna just be frank with you if you're not a virgin and
01:20:45.000you had a lengthy body count and you going through some trauma and yet you're seeing the other men across from you as beneath you that's the issue That explains that description is a lot of our women that mean that by default you're average.
01:21:20.000She's just a chick that accepted, right?
01:21:23.000So I'll give you an anecdotal example that I know all the brothers from inner cities can relate to.
01:21:29.000When you see, when you're on the train or you're on the bus and you see Shorty and you're like, damn.
01:21:34.000And you're looking around and you're over there plotting in your head because you got a cold approach because that's the only way back then.
01:22:24.000Now, when you fall asleep on that goddamn train and you get off at the last stop, and you realize you're in the suburbs and then you meet the white girl
01:22:33.000you're getting off the very same train and she got a car because she's 16 and got a license and daddy bought her one and you see her looking at you and you're like yo why's she looking at me like that and you're like yo I think she's trying to throw some choosy signals and you don't really know how to talk to white girls so you just utter some bullshit you've seen on the sitcom and shorty and she's feeling it and you're like, well, Dan, what's your name?
01:23:22.000He's absolutely right that women from the black community tend to and other women are doing this more, but we are the trend setters anyway.
01:23:31.000We are the trend setters with problems as well as desirable behaviors.
01:23:37.000So he's right when he says that, yeah, these women are passing up on these good dudes and they choose these particular dudes.
01:23:45.000I personally do not judge or begrudge women for that behavior the same way they shouldn't begrudge us for going where we're accepted because we're doing what we feel is our best bet.
01:23:59.000We're looking at the risk versus reward.
01:24:02.000And we're thinking every time I try to make it work with a sister, I get rejected.
01:24:08.000She tells me I'm not enough and I'm willing to become more, but I would get there faster and better if she supported me.
01:24:16.000And if I did, even if it didn't work out, I still would look at sisters differently because they fucking home team.
01:24:21.000But when the white chick will let you borrow her car to get to and from that new job, and when that white chick will let you borrow that money to flip that pack, you see what I'm trying to say, even though it's the wrong thing, she's still trusting you.
01:24:37.000Men, we assess in risk, but women assess risk also, but they assess emotional risk, right?
01:24:44.000So when these women are choosing these dudes that's at the finish line already, I don't blame them.
01:24:48.000Because they're looking at it as, where did I see an example of Shorty messing with the dude that was nerdy or wasn't the coolest or wasn't an athlete and later he made good on that investment.
01:25:00.000So she's thinking to herself, I would rather compete with these other bitches to get the nigga that's already finished than compete with the world or take the risk with the world that this dude is going to make it happen.
01:25:16.000But yet and still I see why they're making that in the moment because they want instant gratification.
01:25:21.000So at least if this dude ain't going to commit to me hanging or whatever, at least I'm going to find out now and I could also be the victim..
01:25:28.000Now, if I try with the nerd and it don't, it don't become a nothing burger, I wasted a lot of time.
01:25:41.000Oh, i agree with you andy but the point what i was trying to ask you kind of passed over it so the deciding was you saw her and then she saw you and you tried to speak to her and she was not interested and because of that she was wrong in the whole rest of the story no no i'm just saying it's not wrong it's not wrong it's not wrong it's not wrong we're saying this is the consequences of both sexes what they're doing and what they're experiencing I think at the same time,
01:26:11.000a lot of guys are just delusional as hell too.
01:28:44.000Do you feel special because somebody settles for you?
01:28:46.000No, you're saying, you're saying when he's describing the behavior as difficult to work with, you're saying that only the women that endure that are settling.
01:28:56.000No, no, and he said most girls of other races settle more than black women.
01:29:07.000What I'm getting at is if you're getting lost in semantics, verbiage, words, and not the outcomes of what we're talking about, what he just said is the key thing that men need to do to get better in this area.
01:29:23.000Stop bitching, stop whining, stop talking about what the wind...
01:30:39.000So his point is valid because I don't think it has to do with white, Asian, black, or whatever.
01:30:47.000What he's saying is that he made a conscious decision to take a step back and be honest with himself in the space that he was in at a certain time.
01:30:58.000So he's saying that I see what I want for my life.
01:31:14.000You know, so it's like he has those options.
01:31:17.000And I think what he was saying like women are delusional as well.
01:31:20.000I think we're very delusional when it comes to men because we think that we hold ourselves at a high regard, which is fine.
01:31:29.000But I think we're not honest about where we put ourselves.
01:31:32.000And then we have these expectations on men that we don't even have on ourselves as women.
01:31:37.000And that's a problem with us as black women because we expect these men to like, you know, go get the cow, slay the cow, cook it, put it on the grill, do everything else.
01:31:47.000And as women, we're not even cleaning up, doing the dishes, putting stuff away.
01:31:51.000And so it's like, what do you meet in the middle with this man but then it's like you put all these expectations on men and then when it's reversed right it's a problem for us because it's like oh you the man you're supposed to do this you're supposed to do that and for me personally I just don't understand and he can't say what you're supposed to do it's not that he can't say what he's supposed to do because I know we talked about submission for submission for me and I think a lot of women get it misconstrued I have to be I
01:32:21.000have to trust you and you have to make me feel safe to submit to you.
01:34:08.000i was on now just to clarify i was on bumble and i was on black at the same time bumble was actually how i met my wife really did she actually have good conversation because most women on bumble they open in lines as trash but they got the nerve to say must be able to hold a conversation you can't hold a damnn conversation.
01:34:43.000And I had to go see my cousin in Chicago.
01:34:45.000And I had to get on the flight in Philly, had a layover for two hours in Atlanta, and got on the plane and dropped back, ended up in Chicago.
01:34:55.000I forgot that my phone, the app was on.
01:34:58.000So it was tracking my geolocation when I landed in Atlanta for two hours.
01:35:01.000And then when I landed in Chicago and 15 minutes later, got in my cousin's car, turned on my phone, looked at the app and it was about 72 to 74 black women that had initiated contact with me.
01:35:18.000What you said about delusion and not understanding where you are in the dating market for men and women and what you said is hurting us individually and collectively.
01:35:29.000The women who were talking to me like you should be lucky to ask me out.
01:35:38.000That was my options after two and a half hours in two different cities.
01:35:43.000So this idea that you get to dictate who I can date, who I can sleep with, who I can marry, who I can have kids with.
01:35:51.000If you're going to be black in this country and I'm going to marry you, you don't get to act like all the other black women that gives the attitude and just disrespect black men and trashes me and embarrass me in front of others.
01:36:06.000You're going to treat me as all the other women who are married are supposed to treat their men.
01:36:12.000That's the standard I was able to uphold to because I had reached, I didn't realize it, but I had apparently reached a level where a lot of women thought I apparently had something to offer.
01:36:21.000But I had to treat her as my equivalent.
01:36:25.000What you're saying as great as it is from as great as what you're saying from men you gotta boss up you gotta be leveled up you gotta be able to have all the women that you want I'm gonna say this as a man I can't talk about how shitty the dating market was when I when I put the shit in it so if I if my body count is rivaling kings If my body count looks like some celebrity body counts.
01:36:54.000And then I'm also talking about the quality of women and this and that.
01:36:58.000Bro, if I'm looking at what happened out there, it's because of me so so just to clarify people can get married people cannot get married when dr umar wants to shame all of us you dating a snow bunny was it snow was it snow bunny yeah yeah yeah he doesn't have my issue this is my issue this is the standard i have to hold myself to and i have to hold these content creators to and all these people who are life coaches as a man You
01:37:29.000cannot come at this black man sleeping with a non-black woman and this man ain't a real black man and this black man, this and this black man, that.
01:37:37.000If you're having kids with black women and you're not marrying them and you're not living.
01:37:40.000them and you're not living with your children.
01:37:58.000And you also can't raise these sons yourself and then turn around and criticize and criticize the quality of men when you didn't allow men to raise them.
01:38:09.000So that's a huge problem in the black community is that black women don't know how to fall back and allow the men to raise their children.
01:38:57.000While the black man is the one that's supposed to be teaching his son, you don't have to be worried about whether or not the white man accepts you or employs you because you're about to learn a trade you're about to learn how to make money and make a way with your own hands and your own mind so that because because listen thing black women will sit there and complain that black men don't community build but at the same time they don't support us they don't trust us to make the decisions they don't trust us to protect and protecting is not just physical um threat protect is when we say we don't want you uh wearing hair that ain't yours because
01:39:28.000We're looking at the ramifications of it.
01:39:30.000Protection is when we say we don't want you out here twerking or we don't want you, you know, going to these type of establishments, whatever the case may be.
01:39:37.000Black women have to support us when we make our decision.
01:39:39.000Black men need to be able to make the final call.
01:39:42.000We're going to take what you got to say into consideration, but it's hard to do that when we feel like you're going to fight us on the conclusion that we come to.
01:39:51.000So it's the same thing with my children.
01:39:53.000And again, Jeff, I'm not comparing women to children because we know we said we weren't going to do that, but if I'm entrusted to be the provider as well as the protector, everything falls under my responsibility.
01:40:04.000So I need to have full authority over everyone.
01:40:07.000So when my children come to me and say what they want to do and so on and so forth, I can't be the father that says, I don't even want to hear it.
01:41:57.000Every man with a microphone you can't listen to.
01:42:00.000Every woman with a microphone you can't listen to.
01:42:02.000I have to look for the outcomes of their lives and if they have a healed perspective of both sexes.
01:42:08.000So, as an example, all these life coaches that's touring and taking y'all money men and women touring y'all filling up the rooms buying tickets and don't get better results that's never been in a long-term successful relationship right i agree call them up my names no what's the matter i'll tell you why because i'm talking about a behavior not a person right so i'm describing a behavior My
01:42:39.000stance is actually not that you got to be married before you allow to talk about this because there's people that's married that's in situations and relationships I do not want.
01:42:45.000There's people who are single and have better healed perspectives of both sexes.
01:42:50.000So my stance is all about what are you promoting and do you have a healed perspective of both sexes regardless of your current situation.
01:43:01.000So when it comes to leadership as a man, if I'm not willing to be honest, if I'm going to try to lie and make it seem like I've always had it together, when y'all finally find out that I was a fraud, you're not going to listen to me even if I'm telling the truth.
01:43:18.000it's a starting point for guys to be much more authentic and honest behind the microphone and when they're dealing with women on a day-by-day basis because if you let her know what your shortcomings are yeah you let her know whether you want to be with more than one woman if you let her know if you struggle with monogamy if you let her know all these things up front and you're honest and you're trying to grow now she has more information to know if you can truly be a leader and she can hold you accountable what did you what did Ashley say what did all these ladies say but if they're lying up front now we have to roll the
01:43:48.000dice with our feelings emotions our wombs and who's going to be the father of our kid so we can't scream about accountability and legalism leadership if we're not modeling the humility, the authenticity, the transparency, and the vulnerability about saying, I haven't always led well, but this is the direction I'm going.
01:44:45.000When I find a woman that do the things I'm looking for, she do the things that align with me, whether I want to or not, I'm settling down because she aligns with my spirit.
01:44:55.000But if you're not finding that, I'm seeking.
01:45:52.000So just when you say that, Dom, if the way you're sounding and talking, when I'm talking about we need to lead, we need to change, we need to improve the quality of women that we're even going to do any edition.
01:46:02.000of this shit with, including dick discipline, including who we're giving access to our resources.
01:46:07.000What you're saying is, well, hoes gonna be hoes, and I gotta run through them.
01:46:11.000Well, who's actually leading the community then?
01:46:13.000Because what I'm saying is we need to lead to change what's happening.
01:46:17.000You're saying it needs to stay the same.
01:46:20.000What you're doing and what I did and what he's done and what all these other niggas did is leading towards the same outcome that we're complaining about right now.
01:46:28.000And I'm saying the only way we're gonna get out of this is not that our women have to adapt and change.
01:46:48.000So when I meet women who are like good women, a lot of times it's a deterrent because I know I ain't gonna be I ain't shit.
01:47:02.000I ain't gonna be right then right there.
01:47:04.000You get what I'm trying to say and I don't even want to fuck around waste her time because I know I have the power and the ability to turn her into a slut.
01:48:05.000And then you get over there and they didn't mention that they and their mom was making dinner and I was watching the game with dad with a bear and I'm like, I'm not here for no good intentions, bro.
01:48:13.000I just wanted to know if she swallowed.
01:48:23.000If you were to leave this country right now, I would probably And a woman is coming with all those qualities, all those wife qualities you talk about.
01:48:38.000everyone hold you 35 see it's dangerous bro and listen you're right men are the homemakers for sure but here's my point dom is saying i get what you're saying as well on you as well that they're hoes anyway i didn't make them hoes someone else did the nigga tom or or tyrone right so in that sense i can't save these hoes but that's indulging yourself though just like when i sold dope it is when i sold dope i try to justify it in my head i'm not the only one if i don't sell them dope yeah if i don't sell them dope they're gonna get the dope
01:49:08.000anyway hold on hold on hold on and to jeff's point if you want to make a change we have to start with ourselves first however however i'll be honest jeff it's hard this shit ain't changing nigga it's not like criminal activity because y'all don't understand how hard like what when it was so hard for us the expectation prior to feminism was that if i knocked you up i had to marry you
01:49:38.000today y'all not not black women modern women have such low such a low bar of expectation there's no there's no consequences i can have access to your body your womb uh you can get you can get std's like the whole thing all you gotta swallow and just mention that part and that's a Because it wasn't like that.
01:49:56.000The craziest part is I did not have to meet your dad.
01:51:07.000So if I know all these things up front and I've done them before, all of it is at this point, I just got to look at myself and be like, so what happens if I finally decide?
01:51:31.000What I am suggesting is locking with your one, two or three women that you can afford to be opening up front from the.
01:51:38.000the beginning to make sure they're all on the same page and become strong so that you have the ability to be able to shelter provide and take care of your kingdom.
01:53:31.000The point is certain guys have that influence and women turn over the trust to them and it's what they do with it.
01:53:36.000And a lot of times what those guys do with it is they put the girl through it and then eventually she starts subconsciously or consciously just accepting yo, this is me and this is the course of it.
01:53:45.000But I think at the same time, we still put too much blame on men.
01:55:38.000Yeah, there's points in history where women as a whole, as a consciousciousness, they say, as a culture, they need to change the way they view men and treat men.
01:55:44.000We never really got to that point until Red Peel came, and that is only so we could survive.
01:56:38.000But it only exemplifies it only exemplifies the fact that women are the ones that are starting these cultures, that starting these trending men.
01:56:46.000Niggas are being less gangster now and doing streaming because streamers get pussy.
01:56:51.000Gangsters, man, you had to be on your shit.
01:57:07.000Everything you're saying is 100% true.
01:57:10.000And the question is going to be, if the women have changed like you said they have, and to a degree they have, and particularly third and fourth wave feminism, when it's really gone to some extreme components, and you're saying, well, they dictate everything.
01:57:24.000If they're dictating everything, if they're leading in everything, and it's leading to these outcomes.
01:57:31.000Are we going to wait for women collectively to change for the state of the black community to somehow get better?
01:57:36.000Or do we as men need to individually make a change one by one with the women we're going to pursue, with the women we're going to do life with, the women we're going to invest in?
01:57:48.000Because what I'm saying is not when when I'm speaking, I'm not talking about everything's black and white.
01:57:53.000I know there's going to be people that's going to always do what they want to do.
01:57:58.000What I'm saying is if we want if we want our birth rates to improve, if we want our wedding rates to improve, if we want our relationships to get better, if as men we keep saying, well, the women dictate in the women this.
01:59:29.000That's why I'm talking now and saying out loud the things that need to be said about how we voting, how we moving, how we dressing, how we acting as men and as women.
01:59:38.000If I'm going to sit back and wait, well, the women leading this, so I'm going to, they got to.
02:00:57.000You know that back in the day, when they started talking crazy and man could put his hands on them, the modern day man that's smart realizes, I'm going to reward the women that listen.
02:01:24.000A man is doing the worst thing he's saying.
02:01:26.000If we stop taking out the women that's displaying one thing but saying we want her to change, Instead of putting all this energy and time into trying to change women, why don't we just reward the women that's doing what we want up front?
02:01:37.000So when we say this to women all time, you pick wrong.
02:01:42.000What I'm saying, bro, is what I'm getting at in terms of personal responsibility is the ultimate form of the number one factor for successful life is when you always blame you.
02:01:56.000Because now you put everything in your control, even when it's not true.
02:03:13.000It was only when the leader submitted to her that everything fell apart.
02:03:19.000So when we allow them to dictate what's happening, that's why our community is going in the direction so what i'm saying for the fifth time we as men can keep doing exactly what we're doing and the outcomes that we're seeing is going to be exactly the same if you're not going to change anything as a man stop blaming and saying everything's wrong with the women if you yo that's all i'm saying i agree with you i'm just saying this yo yo if you doing what you're supposed to do as a man i don't care if you married or not if you holding it down for
02:03:49.000the women that's dependent on you married or not You can talk shit about the community because you're doing the fuck you're supposed to do.
02:03:58.000But if you're not being abstinent, you're running through everybody, you got kids that.
02:05:20.000refusing to settle we talk about women calling dudes dusties talking about he need to be on my level if you can't do x y and z then why do i need you so let me get this straight are men competing absolutely no men are also good how are men not competing that's why i say no i say no because i like you i just like you if i Exactly.
02:06:36.000The guys are also competing in that atmosphere.
02:06:38.000Let me get, let me get, let me get, hold on, hold on,
02:07:03.000hold on, hold on, hold on, fresh mention how society sees black women.
02:07:08.000I'm a proof to you that it's drastically different.
02:07:11.000So when I was working in the club, right, when it would get like where it's coming, when it's coming when it's coming up on prime time and the club starts fulling in because you know how like women are never on time?
02:07:23.000So when the women would start coming in more in a more frequent or more frequency.
02:07:28.000So there's some already in the club, but you get to that prime time where they start coming in at the highest frequency and then it's obviously going to slow down a little bit as it gets later.
02:09:22.000Then when the guys, when we would actually be dancing and doing our thing and trying to get this bread, it would be the black woman that would come up to me and just hold two dollars.
02:09:31.000And I'd be looking at them like, okay, and they'd be like, oh, you gotta work for this.
02:09:34.000And I'd be saying what Jeff just said.
02:09:37.000When I got up at 6 a.m. and did my cardio, I worked for this.
02:09:41.000When I was dieting, I worked for this.
02:09:44.000When I was rehearsing for hours, I worked for this when i was sitting behind the screen with the with the dj making my music and making my set and editing all these bells and whistles and the i did the work now i'm here it's time to get paid but when the white women come up they come with a five dollar bill and just ask you what's your name and talk to you respectfully like a human being so there's something going on there Black women expect us to bust our ass to compete
02:10:30.000I'm just telling you from the perspective of a guy, what we experience.
02:10:34.000They're willing to work harder for us and they don't treat us like we have to disprove something, which is sad because that's how society treats black men.
02:11:18.000When you ask, when you ask that, when that, when that, oh, sock.
02:11:22.000When that question, when that question was posed by AJ, where he asked our women, do they think they're competing?
02:11:29.000And we as men know we have to compete, and our women think they don't.
02:11:34.000Do you think that may be an indication of why there's a disconnect when, whenever we say something that our women are doing that they may need to change, they feel like they don't need to change anything.
02:11:43.000They fight us on it, and we're trying to get you to win.
02:11:46.000is not only do we have to compete so does everybody else with what they want in life facts this isn't a black women thing you got to get that out your head as soon as possible the reason why you're least married the least the reason why our baby mom rates are through the roof is because too many of our women are convincing themselves or have been convinced that this is not a competition.
02:13:22.000Now, to clarify, if this was a store and you're a store owner and you got products on the shelf and people barely walking in, they looking at it, putting it back on the shelf and half the people ain't even walking in and they go into other stores.
02:13:38.000You don't get to say, well, I'm not in competition with the other stores.
02:13:46.000You can't say all these men hate women if they're going to other stores, other countries, other cultures to deal with women.
02:13:55.000It is a competition in terms of femininity.
02:13:59.000in terms of fitness, in terms of your mouth, in terms of your attitude, the the questions that we asked was relating to that So every question you was asking yes or no to was showing how much you do or don't recognize what men value and are looking for in women.
02:14:15.000So if you didn't realize that, that was the test.
02:14:19.000And there's a compromise and a balance because listen, I want you all to hold on, hold on, hold on.
02:14:26.000Who do you think, who, what culture do you think has the most masculine men?
02:15:43.000I think the least masculine thing to me is a liar.
02:15:46.000what the fuck you got trauma all right you do that let me tell you something in my experience the most masculine men on the planet are arab men i said arab men are arab men and let me tell you why you know there's a balance and there's a compromise because in arab countries the women have the least freedom are we not seeing a correlation here.
02:16:18.000So what I'm trying to say is that women need to understand they got to stop asking for things and not being willing to acknowledge the price.
02:16:26.000You can't ask for a dude to be responsible.
02:16:29.000You're not willing to pay him and give him authority.
02:16:32.000You can't tell me you want a dude to be honest, but you're not willing to be accountable.
02:16:37.000You can't tell me you want a dude to be masculine.
02:16:47.000If you want a dude to protect you, he got to be able to tell you what you can and can't do because it's part of protecting you.
02:16:53.000You can't say you want a dude to provide for you, but he can't decide what you can and can't buy.
02:17:00.000If you want to buy whatever you want to buy, then you need to make your own money, but you can't do that and then complain, man, I really need a man to pay my bills.
02:18:32.000No, I like what you're saying, because you bake cookies for the kids and you do the thing for the rally and you bring the community together.
02:18:52.000So as a Caribbean woman, our role is to take care of the household, that is, cook, clean, the man is to, you know, pay the bills and the woman is to be at home with the kids, cook, clean, the standard.
02:19:01.000But what about, what's the contribution to society though?
02:19:05.000Oh my God, duty to society, take care of your household.
02:19:07.000We're not talking about nurture, we're talking about society, like other people, like being your neighbors.
02:19:13.000Nurture, nurture people, love people, be kind.
02:19:14.000I don't know what you're talking about.
02:19:45.000For the audience, we had to actually ask the ladies beforehand a series of questions, and we did plus ten, minus ten, based on their responses of what most men in general liked.
02:19:55.000You want to read the questions though?
02:20:53.000The key areas that you got right, that you clearly score very high on, was mind, body, and some extent with the mouth, and some extent with social.
02:21:14.000and past in terms of how much a past matters in your past actions and behaviors of how you carry yourself in terms of a man judging you you for whatever reason thought that that wasn't significant in how men think wait say that again?
02:22:22.000Whereas Ashley saw that there was some significance about men judging you by how you present your body.
02:22:29.000In terms of femininity, You scored, you saw, which is interesting, you're like the most all over the place score because on one end with your body, you had a very low score but when it came to the view of femininity you still saw value in that whereas with you it was flipped where you saw the importance of your image and how you treat your body but femininity wasn't super high in terms of that softness like you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're elevating what you're thinking
02:22:59.000men are seeing but you're lowering down what men are feeling when it's that that feeling of femininity aspect of it each of you has certain skills that was like i can see why she's been with men i can see why she's been in some relationships but i can also see some signs of why some of these scores are a little lower all right at number 80 uh miss miss manassas Miss Manassa, you got 80.
02:23:20.000And in mine, you got two out of three.
02:23:22.000I can't remember what the specific question was.
02:23:24.000It was two out of three that you answered obviously what majority men would think.
02:23:27.000There was one of those three questions where you was like, and I think you put your hand up and put your hand down at one point.
02:23:58.000But they have to be, we can't specify them enough to where you get two in your head.
02:24:02.000But each time we do this exercise, I'm going to try to make the questions better and better to try to get the exact results social in terms of social media and whether or not you're willing to give it up and and all of that you you score high and then last with the past you thought your past matters right so that's why you had a 80 now this score did i get a zero oh my god oh god oh god oh god you got higher than 80 oh yeah I got to do something with this test because
02:24:32.000everybody else I could sense it and I could see it little things here and there where you all got fairly high passing scores.
02:24:40.000But you kept putting your hand up and down so damn much.
02:24:45.000You were at some point, first of all, it says 100, which is crazy.
02:24:51.000And one of the things I'm wondering, if because of your age and because of where you are in life, you're more open now than where you would have been at a younger point.
02:25:08.000So if you were married very young, you're in your mid-30s now, and you don't want to stay single forever, the women that want to change that.
02:25:16.000that want to change that their scores got to be super high because they got to be thinking what men think what men want because you you're not 25 anymore you're not 21 anymore so it makes sense to me so you got to be already modest yeah so it comes off like you clearly know what men think you clearly know what men want and you get it but do you care but do you care yeah okay we're scared of you too okay we got uh No, no, the purple one?
02:27:33.000If the majority of men are telling y'all this is what we want, when you're entering into that room of 100 men, men and doing things that's only going to give you five of those men that still want you, what we're suggesting is you ain't got to give it up completely.
02:27:46.000Just be mindful that the man you want prefers you.
02:27:52.000And we're the only men in the world that has to go back and forth with all women about what it is that we're attracted to and what we're longing for and wanting to see.
02:28:02.000Now, y'all, to be fair, are the only y'all definitely maybe the most clearest and most robust women saying about all the ways in which your men are failing you.
02:28:39.000But what I'm going to suggest is this, man.
02:28:42.000I've noticed that working in the field as long as I have, being around as many women as I have, they don't do what they do with me just because.
02:28:54.000I have to validate how they're feeling.
02:29:02.000And I have to then hold them to that standard.
02:29:04.000What happens is a lot of black men are trying to hold women to a standard when the version of what they need to see in us, we're not doing.
02:29:48.000You know what's easier than changing your appearance?
02:29:53.000Because this common thread is that men from all different cultures are attracted to black women.
02:30:01.000Majority of them have the boss to approach black women.
02:30:04.000So a lot of times black guys are getting black women by default because we got the heart to talk to you, to approach you, right?
02:30:10.000So let me give you some game that I would I get to women when they're telling me like their man ain't doing what they want him to do and so on and so forth.
02:30:17.000Say, well, like, well, what are you doing?
02:30:18.000And they say, well, I'm telling them this and I'm telling them this.
02:30:20.000Okay, what you're doing is fucking nagging, right?
02:30:53.000Instead of nag me, she's going to be playful with me and say, listen, I'm not giving you no pussy because you ain't take out the trash or because you ain't do this.
02:31:01.000And that's why you ain't getting no head head tonight.
02:31:08.000So now what happens is you like, man, I would love for her to have another grievance because she presents it in a way where the reward is already attached to it.
02:31:19.000So now I'm addicted to your complaints and your grievances because she's feminine.
02:31:24.000Exactly, because they're going to come with some, with some stimulation, right?
02:31:29.000But when you're coming with the complaining and the critic, what we're hearing is no matter what I do, you're going to complain anyway.
02:31:37.000No matter what you do, it's never going to be good enough.
02:31:41.000anyway so why am i gonna rush to to to to appease you or satisfy you when there's another that's gonna come around the corner and then also as a man right if i'm a masculine man and i feel like i'm the captain of at least my own ship whether you coming with me or not the moment that i start doing things because you told me to now i can't stomach it now i don't feel right i feel like i'm doing it it's like if somebody if like a dude come to me and he say yo you did this this and this And I know I didn't do that shit.
02:32:10.000But he's coming at me in a threatening way.
02:32:12.000feel like if I explain myself, I feel like I'm copping a plea.
02:32:15.000I feel like I'm giving the impression that you tell me what to do.
02:32:43.000That's where a couple of women tell y'all what to do.
02:32:46.000it's it's not a good look and then it's not going to be good for you either because let's say he was to be submissive if that's what you want to call it or obedient let's say he was your your box is going to d dry up now.
02:33:34.000Ask a brother podcast on Instagram, TikTok.
02:33:36.000grand tick tock and youtube coming up strong guys also last chat and then again uh real quick yeah yeah last chat i got it here um this is from green eyes my channel is for us to stack silver and gold come support my channel and we stack for youtube support y'all honestly guys getting gold silver now is really good because it's smart what's happening in the economy also guys stream tomorrow Jeff, are you going to be here still?