Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 22, 2023


5E36 - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (FREE PART)


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 8 minutes

Words per Minute

166.68295

Word Count

11,340

Sentence Count

1,147

Misogynist Sentences

51

Hate Speech Sentences

56


Summary

Gavin McInnes is back from the holidays and ready to celebrate. He talks about his favorite holiday music, his favorite Christmas movies, and why he doesn t give a shit about Christmas. He also explains why he's not giving a fuck about Christmas at all. Also, he talks about why he thinks Donald Trump is the greatest presidential candidate of all time and why you should be mad at him because he didn't win the 2016 election. And he explains why it's a good thing he didn t run for President in 2016. And he also talks about how he and his wife are going to have a baby in the new year and what that means for the future of the country. Finally, he tells the story of how he almost got run over by a car on the way home from work and how he was almost killed by a passing car in the middle of the night. Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn! with Gav and Ryan. Enjoy the episode and spread the word to your friends about what's going on in the world. Happy Holidays! XOXO, GAVIN McINNES. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Artwork by Jeff Kaale. The opinions stated here are our own and not those of our patrons. . Music credit goes to the original artists and labels used in this episode. Thank you for all the work done by our patrons and the support we've given us. We appreciate all the support and love and support us. Thank you so much for all your support. and all the love, support, support us on this project. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Happy Holmas, Mistletoe, JUICY, JOY Christmas, JAY & JOY, MACKY, KELLY, SAVAGE, and MOSTABOKE, SONGS, and KAVY, GRAVY, RYAN, RAYE, GOOGLE, and JAYE. XO, RACY, MURCH, GABE, JAMIE, and GRAFFY, AND AYO, JACOB, and SONGEE, and TAYO, CRYLLY, BABY, and PODCASTING, and RAYA, AND KAYLE, GOSY, DADDY, etc.


Transcript

00:00:04.000 You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
00:00:09.000 You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
00:00:21.000 The three words that best describe you are...
00:00:28.000 Fuck Christmas.
00:00:29.000 Fuck this shit.
00:00:30.000 Stick my dick in the box.
00:00:32.000 Fuck this gift.
00:00:33.000 You sleeping?
00:00:33.000 That's the cousin of death.
00:00:35.000 I take every gift under the tree.
00:00:36.000 Tell it ain't none left.
00:00:37.000 I'm a mean one.
00:00:39.000 Call me Mr. Grinch.
00:00:40.000 Unwashed socks in the Glock make niggas flinch.
00:00:43.000 That was Sean P. Sean P. Stole Christmas.
00:00:45.000 Funny Little Jam.
00:01:10.000 That's kind of my generation of rap.
00:01:13.000 He was half of the band Helta Skelta.
00:01:16.000 And I look back at how into it we were.
00:01:17.000 That's when we started Vice in the early 90s.
00:01:20.000 And how into rap I was.
00:01:23.000 It's such garbage.
00:01:24.000 I hate rap now.
00:01:26.000 I think it's because there was nothing sadder than being an old punk.
00:01:30.000 So when, you know, we were around 24 years old, we go, we got to get out of this shit.
00:01:34.000 This is getting embarrassing.
00:01:36.000 And then N.W.A.
00:01:37.000 came out with Straight Outta Compton, and that was edgy.
00:01:40.000 So we went, okay, there's a mass exodus.
00:01:43.000 And punk had become Fat Rack and Gilman Street and West Coasters in cargo shorts on stage with bowling shirts trying to sing well and singing about love.
00:01:55.000 Bye bye!
00:01:57.000 Home to mommy!
00:02:00.000 So today's a fun episode.
00:02:02.000 We're not going to have an episode on Christmas because we're going to be Christmassing.
00:02:08.000 So don't gorge on this.
00:02:11.000 Show some delayed gratification and only watch half of this episode today, and then watch the other half on Christmas.
00:02:18.000 We'll see what we do with Boxing Day.
00:02:19.000 I might just do reruns all next week.
00:02:21.000 I'm going skiing.
00:02:24.000 So we'll rerun the Gavin McInnes Show.
00:02:28.000 I was going to play this fun little ditty, this little John remix of Holly Jolly Christmas.
00:02:35.000 It's beautiful.
00:02:36.000 Very rap-centered music, little intros today.
00:02:44.000 That's a good song.
00:03:08.000 I gotta put that on my Christmas mix.
00:03:10.000 You know what happened with my Christmas mix, Ryan?
00:03:12.000 What happened there?
00:03:14.000 Sorry, I forgot.
00:03:14.000 We have Donald Trump in the studio, ladies and gentlemen.
00:03:16.000 Not a big deal.
00:03:17.000 It's okay.
00:03:18.000 He's a friend of mine.
00:03:19.000 I was down with Don way before the presidency, and he remembers that, right?
00:03:24.000 It's so true, really.
00:03:25.000 You don't get enough credit for it, but really, the amount of people that were behind me in the beginning was very low, okay?
00:03:33.000 The conservatives.
00:03:35.000 A couple of other people even, you know, pundits.
00:03:38.000 I don't know about Steven Crowder, but Ben Shapiro was against me.
00:03:41.000 I think Glenn Beck was against me.
00:03:43.000 Ted Cruz?
00:03:44.000 Ted Cruz was against me.
00:03:45.000 Lion Cruz.
00:03:46.000 Foxhead did not have your back.
00:03:47.000 Greg Gutfeld said you were definitely going to lose.
00:03:49.000 Literally nobody, and I don't think you get the credit.
00:03:51.000 Oh wait, Ann Coulter.
00:03:52.000 But then she doesn't have your back now.
00:03:53.000 Because of the wall, right?
00:03:55.000 Yeah, she's mad at you because of the wall.
00:03:59.000 Um, so what we're gonna do is take calls, live show, it'll be free at the beginning, and then I'm gonna cut him off.
00:04:07.000 Um, if I was good at my job, this would, these would all be wrapped.
00:04:11.000 That was pathetic.
00:04:13.000 Not a very Christmassy set.
00:04:16.000 Maybe you can make them wrapped in post?
00:04:19.000 And then we'll go behind the paywall and finish the show, but we'll take calls throughout.
00:04:22.000 I have show notes, but we also have, you know, Ryan's entire paternity leave of articles.
00:04:29.000 So I was thinking, if people call in and they're like, hey, you know, these moms have fur babies and my neighbor has a pet chicken instead of a kid.
00:04:37.000 I have like 40 stories of that.
00:04:38.000 So no matter what you come up with from Iraq,
00:04:41.000 We're good to go.
00:05:01.000 I get these prickly sensations.
00:05:03.000 Today, I took it too soon, and I was getting the prickly sensations at home.
00:05:09.000 And you're kinda like, shit, I gotta get to the gym and get this out of me.
00:05:13.000 It's a race, and then you're in the car, yeah.
00:05:16.000 Yeah, and you know what's funny?
00:05:17.000 I've heard that.
00:05:17.000 When you're in the car and you almost hit someone or someone almost hits you, like a siren started next to me.
00:05:22.000 There was an ambulance that was coming out of the intersection.
00:05:24.000 I was like, oh shit.
00:05:25.000 And then the prickles really like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
00:05:28.000 You get this wave.
00:05:30.000 So they sent us some goodies.
00:05:32.000 Let's see what they are.
00:05:33.000 We're opening them live.
00:05:38.000 I'm doing a different kind of read for you, Purple Works.
00:05:41.000 It's an unboxing, really.
00:05:42.000 It's one of the most popular things that you can do.
00:05:46.000 Again, I, uh, I don't know if they want me to say this, but I don't take the whole scoop.
00:05:50.000 I find it too intense.
00:05:51.000 I'm a bit high-strung to begin with, so caffeine really affects me.
00:05:55.000 Okay, great.
00:05:55.000 So we got two new... two news-a-thoos.
00:05:59.000 Um... And maybe while we... Why don't you read out some of the Purple Work stuff, Ryan?
00:06:06.000 The New Year is right around the corner, and you know what that means?
00:06:09.000 Sure.
00:06:10.000 I mean, sorry, Trump.
00:06:11.000 Trump.
00:06:12.000 That's alright.
00:06:12.000 The New Year is right around the corner and you know what that means.
00:06:15.000 For weeks, millions of people will get off their fat ass and they're gonna go to the gym, right?
00:06:21.000 Then they're gonna sink back into the couch as the New Year resolutions fade into oblivion.
00:06:26.000 Well, with Purple Works pre-workout, you'll have an ally in your corner to get you off your ass.
00:06:31.000 This is actually for Maddie.
00:06:32.000 It's some sort of cake.
00:06:34.000 Oops.
00:06:34.000 A Maddie cake.
00:06:36.000 Maddie cake, Maddie cake, baker's man.
00:06:40.000 Well, they're gonna help you get off your ass and achieve your fitness goals.
00:06:43.000 Wait, I bet this is for Maddie, too.
00:06:47.000 Sorry, keep going, Don.
00:06:48.000 Oh yeah, of course.
00:06:49.000 Achieve your goals for 2024.
00:06:51.000 It seems nearly impossible to take this product and not feel like you need to exert yourself to an extreme degree.
00:06:59.000 Purpleworks pre-workout only uses the highest quality ingredients.
00:07:04.000 Creatine for strength.
00:07:05.000 Caffeine and green tea extract for energy and focus.
00:07:09.000 Vitamins for muscle and tissue repair.
00:07:11.000 And carnosine beta alanine for the quote-unquote tingles.
00:07:15.000 We love the Chris Tingles.
00:07:17.000 Purpleworks is going to be launching a new pre-workout formula in 2024, so keep an eye on their site.
00:07:25.000 These are presents for us, I think.
00:07:28.000 Unbelievable.
00:07:28.000 Dolce & Gabbana?
00:07:30.000 What?
00:07:31.000 This guy's got money!
00:07:33.000 Is that cookie?
00:07:34.000 Oh, you know what it is?
00:07:35.000 Plural?
00:07:35.000 Probably some fancy designer cake.
00:07:40.000 I didn't know they made cake.
00:07:42.000 Nor did I. But then again, dolce does mean sweet, right?
00:07:46.000 Does it?
00:07:47.000 Dolce, yeah, of course.
00:07:50.000 Alright, let's see what it is.
00:07:51.000 So, you have a- Oh!
00:07:54.000 You only have a couple of months to stock up on the old formula, so if that's something you wanna do, then that's what you're gonna do!
00:08:00.000 But wait, there's more!
00:08:01.000 Purpleworks has a line of fine imported Italian coffees.
00:08:04.000 I can give this to my wife.
00:08:06.000 They have ground gourmet coffee, with a big ass 2.2 bag of...
00:08:11.000 Whole organic bean coffee.
00:08:13.000 They even have gourmet instant coffee if you don't want to wait.
00:08:17.000 Panettone.
00:08:18.000 Yeah, the Panettone.
00:08:19.000 Is that the Italian?
00:08:21.000 This is a great thing about my wife not watching the show.
00:08:24.000 I'm just going to give her this.
00:08:26.000 I assume you got the same one, Ryan.
00:08:29.000 Beautiful.
00:08:30.000 Fantastic.
00:08:31.000 Panettone.
00:08:33.000 She'll love it.
00:08:36.000 As a side note, I cannot recommend this enough.
00:08:38.000 See if you can find one.
00:08:39.000 It's a key, but it's not a key.
00:08:40.000 It's a little knife.
00:08:41.000 It's not for killing, but you're constantly opening stuff and a pen knife is too bulky.
00:08:49.000 And this, you clean your fingernails with it.
00:08:50.000 It's great.
00:08:51.000 Anyway, thanks Purple Works Nutrition.
00:08:53.000 Merry Christmas.
00:08:54.000 Thank you for the gift.
00:08:55.000 15% off with promo code Gavin.
00:08:59.000 Oh, and if you're interested in sending an advertising request, email Sean at Censored.TV.
00:09:06.000 That's S-E-A-N at Censored.TV.
00:09:13.000 My movie is out, I'm happy to announce.
00:09:16.000 I'm not an attractive person.
00:09:18.000 My only asset, and it's dwindling, is my hair.
00:09:21.000 So, I'm like Samson, when I wear a hat, I lose my powers.
00:09:26.000 Your movie is out?
00:09:29.000 Remember that Santa thing?
00:09:31.000 The fashion thing I did?
00:09:33.000 Show the trailer.
00:09:34.000 It's got the guy from Kids in the Hall.
00:09:36.000 It's not a comedy.
00:09:37.000 Well, it's a rom-com.
00:09:40.000 So, this idea is out of the box.
00:09:43.000 It's seasonally appropriate.
00:09:45.000 She's great, isn't she?
00:09:46.000 Silent Santa.
00:09:47.000 I don't like it.
00:09:51.000 Love it!
00:09:51.000 Styling Santa needs universal appeal or it's not gonna work.
00:09:54.000 Yeah, you're right.
00:09:55.000 They're rebooting Santa.
00:09:57.000 Number one, honest.
00:09:59.000 Number two, thoughtful.
00:10:00.000 Here I come.
00:10:01.000 Confident, creative.
00:10:03.000 Oh, I love these.
00:10:04.000 To getting perfect styling Santa.
00:10:09.000 Here I am.
00:10:10.000 Anita Fashions helped with this.
00:10:14.000 Wow, I forgot you filmed that.
00:10:17.000 What do you think?
00:10:17.000 I think it's beautiful.
00:10:20.000 I feel like I overacted a little bit.
00:10:26.000 That kick was too much.
00:10:27.000 That's a bit much.
00:10:28.000 The acting is exquisite though.
00:10:36.000 So if you think it's Gavin right now, raise your hand.
00:10:42.000 Dude, that looks so shockingly bad.
00:10:45.000 I didn't even register that as a thing.
00:10:48.000 I know, it's- It looks like I was reading a card.
00:10:49.000 It's Dhar Mann.
00:10:50.000 It's Dhar Mann levels, but it's a movie.
00:10:52.000 It was like reading a Hallmark card for an event that you're not getting a card for.
00:10:56.000 Isn't there an FCC?
00:10:57.000 Like, can't we say that's- No.
00:11:00.000 You can't sell that.
00:11:01.000 That's not a- That doesn't meet the bare bare minimum of movie, so you're fired.
00:11:06.000 Right.
00:11:07.000 I have the whole movie there as a link.
00:11:09.000 Maybe we should... Maybe instead of doing a show, we should just watch the entire film.
00:11:13.000 Then I could eat my Burger King that just got here.
00:11:18.000 Oh, it's a Brian Power joint.
00:11:20.000 Brain Power, you illiterate.
00:11:22.000 Different guy.
00:11:23.000 Uh, Santa's Got Style.
00:11:27.000 So the trailer's just the beginning.
00:11:30.000 Jump somewhere in the middle.
00:11:33.000 That poor kids-in-the-hall guy, he's doing student films?
00:11:36.000 Oh, there's a hump.
00:11:37.000 Oh, it's when you come in.
00:11:38.000 That's when you're introduced.
00:11:39.000 Yeah, and look, you're the sidekick.
00:11:42.000 That's me?
00:11:43.000 So it's for gays and women, I guess.
00:11:43.000 Oh.
00:11:48.000 Literally?
00:11:49.000 What kind of necklace is that?
00:11:50.000 Yeah, it's just a pile of shit around his neck.
00:11:53.000 What a distracting...
00:11:59.000 Oh, that's Santa!
00:12:00.000 Yeah.
00:12:01.000 So I get it.
00:12:02.000 He likes the girl, she's not interested, and then he puts on that stupid beard, and there's gonna be a moment where it falls off.
00:12:09.000 Uh-oh!
00:12:10.000 If it wasn't for you kids!
00:12:12.000 And she's gonna go, I realize I love you for you.
00:12:15.000 Not that you're a sexy Santa.
00:12:17.000 Like, women see that and go puke, and then they see Mr. fuckin' Fuzzbeard, and they go, now I'm horny.
00:12:24.000 Yeah.
00:12:25.000 Now that you're Santa, I'm horny.
00:12:28.000 Okay, that's what we just saw.
00:12:30.000 Jump farther in.
00:12:31.000 A guy dressed like Santa as a Christmas miracle?
00:12:39.000 I hate when they do this in movies.
00:12:42.000 Women aren't attracted to men.
00:12:44.000 They get turned on by power and money and Tony Soprano-ness later on, but women don't look at a man and go, what the fuck?
00:12:53.000 That's what we do.
00:12:55.000 A man doesn't walk in a room and a woman drop her mug.
00:12:59.000 Ever.
00:12:59.000 They're not into hunks.
00:13:01.000 They don't watch the Super Bowl for their buns.
00:13:04.000 Women aren't horny.
00:13:07.000 Very sweet.
00:13:11.000 Are you guys ready for the main attraction?
00:13:14.000 Uh-oh, he lost his beard.
00:13:16.000 When does his beard fall off?
00:13:19.000 Is this it?
00:13:21.000 Some guy's gonna rip off his beard.
00:13:23.000 He's jealous.
00:13:24.000 Watch the security guard.
00:13:25.000 There we go!
00:13:26.000 What the?
00:13:29.000 I knew it!
00:13:33.000 I can explain.
00:13:34.000 This is crazy.
00:13:36.000 This is like four babies.
00:13:39.000 This is Teletubby drama.
00:13:49.000 You know what it reminds me of, by the way?
00:13:50.000 It's kind of the competence crisis, the quality of entertainment.
00:13:53.000 SNL had a funny skit, which is amazing.
00:13:56.000 That's news.
00:13:59.000 Breaking news!
00:14:00.000 SNL was funny, and here's why.
00:14:03.000 You write about what you know.
00:14:04.000 That's how you make good writing, right?
00:14:06.000 You're in your wheelhouse.
00:14:09.000 Is your food waiting by the door?
00:14:11.000 It is.
00:14:12.000 Go get it.
00:14:12.000 Thank you.
00:14:13.000 Thank you.
00:14:16.000 So,
00:14:17.000 What is SNL?
00:14:19.000 They recruit from the groundlings.
00:14:20.000 You've heard my gripe a million times.
00:14:22.000 You get the best people at improv, and I used to scoff at improv, but when it's good, it is kind of impressive.
00:14:29.000 You get the best improv people in the country, and then you give them cue cards.
00:14:33.000 It's the stupidest thing.
00:14:34.000 It's like getting the best bowlers in the world, and then you set up the kiddie guards.
00:14:38.000 You ruin it!
00:14:41.000 And they read a script that's laying on the ground.
00:14:44.000 That's not near where the person they're talking to.
00:14:47.000 You could rely on them.
00:14:48.000 They do improv for a living.
00:14:49.000 You found them.
00:14:51.000 It's one of the most frustrating things about the entire Western world right now.
00:14:55.000 You know, a wise man once said, they went from the groundlings to the reading from the groundlings.
00:15:04.000 Sorry, I just got distracted.
00:15:05.000 I've got whole chunks in my house.
00:15:08.000 That's the name of the episode?
00:15:11.000 And I was told yesterday that white people have no culture, and I just am smiling through it all, and not saying things like, well, the thing about white culture is it's hard to pinpoint whether you're talking about nuclear energy or classical music, unlike a bunch of nomadic basket weavers who couldn't invent the wheel.
00:15:33.000 But I'm not gonna say that.
00:15:34.000 I'm just gonna smile.
00:15:38.000 It's hard.
00:15:40.000 Uh, not to have political fights at Christmas and Thanksgiving.
00:15:43.000 I always sit here on my pulpit and say, don't, don't argue.
00:15:46.000 It's not worth it.
00:15:47.000 But I'm so used to fucking every confrontation I get, especially being in New York for half my life.
00:15:53.000 Every time someone's like, what?
00:15:54.000 You're like, yeah, what?
00:15:56.000 You know what I mean?
00:15:56.000 It's that prison thing.
00:15:58.000 When they look at your commissary, you go, you got a problem?
00:16:00.000 You all right?
00:16:01.000 So for someone to look at my commissary in my own home, and I have to go, that's my commissary.
00:16:09.000 It goes against your instincts.
00:16:10.000 Anyway, sorry.
00:16:11.000 So we're talking about bad acting.
00:16:13.000 And if there's one thing improv kids know, theater kids know, it's bad improv.
00:16:21.000 So this is just a cute little joke about how corny and shitty, shitty improv is.
00:16:28.000 And they just nail it.
00:16:29.000 For this next part, we're going to do something really fun.
00:16:32.000 We've been studying improv all semester, so I'll need a word and we'll use it to inform this next scene.
00:16:39.000 Basketball.
00:16:41.000 Okay, basketball.
00:16:42.000 Here we go.
00:16:45.000 Honey, why are you crying?
00:16:47.000 A kid at school called me a fairy.
00:16:50.000 Don't listen to him.
00:16:51.000 It's great to be gay.
00:16:52.000 I love you no matter who you are.
00:16:54.000 Thanks, Mom.
00:16:55.000 That's important for me to hear.
00:16:57.000 Of course.
00:16:58.000 Now go wash up for dinner.
00:16:59.000 What are we having?
00:17:01.000 Basketball.
00:17:02.000 That's it?
00:17:02.000 I paid $1,000 for that improv class.
00:17:06.000 Hey guys, for this next part... Isn't that great?
00:17:14.000 It's kind of like some of the school presentations, too, that I see now.
00:17:17.000 I'm just like, that sucked.
00:17:20.000 Yeah.
00:17:21.000 Like, I'll go to my kid's band recital, and they're doing Jingle Bells, and it's like... And I'm like, you're not ready.
00:17:32.000 You should have been up all night working on this.
00:17:34.000 Was it this bad when I was a little kid?
00:17:36.000 You guys suck.
00:17:38.000 You know Keenan, like, does nothing?
00:17:41.000 It's like, that's good.
00:17:42.000 Like, SNL's so bad that less is more.
00:17:45.000 Yeah.
00:17:45.000 So you just go to his face and it's like, that is funny.
00:17:48.000 Him being like, come on, man!
00:17:51.000 People reading cue cards and giggling at themselves.
00:17:53.000 So did the writers strike over?
00:17:54.000 Wait, so Trump's gone.
00:17:55.000 Ryan's back.
00:17:56.000 Yeah, he stepped out for a second.
00:17:57.000 He had to do something Trumpy.
00:17:59.000 Oh.
00:17:59.000 Well, I'm glad that you're back, Ryan, because you were away for two weeks.
00:18:04.000 You're supposed to be with your kid, but you were so busy doing other shit.
00:18:08.000 Like what?
00:18:09.000 Well, you made an idiotic video of you getting your hair ready.
00:18:13.000 That's not true.
00:18:14.000 Which is bad for the brand.
00:18:17.000 Like, that is so gay and lame, it makes us look bad.
00:18:22.000 I don't remember doing anything of the sort.
00:18:24.000 I've got the receipts.
00:18:26.000 We'll check it out, but it won't be me.
00:18:27.000 Yeah, see, immediately not me.
00:18:30.000 It's a different guy.
00:18:30.000 How do you curl your hair?
00:18:32.000 He's got zero tattoos.
00:18:33.000 I've got all the tats in the world.
00:18:37.000 Where are you, by the way?
00:18:38.000 On a private jet?
00:18:39.000 I'm right here.
00:18:41.000 When you made this video, dumbass.
00:18:43.000 Is that a limousine or something?
00:18:45.000 What are you in?
00:18:46.000 That looks to be an airplane cabin due to the overhead storage and the background noise.
00:18:50.000 So you just sit there making videos on a plane?
00:18:53.000 I don't do that.
00:18:54.000 But this guy... And what is the... what's the face cream?
00:18:56.000 Is that foundation?
00:18:57.000 Ask him.
00:18:59.000 Yet again, I'm... So... and then there's another clip of you, uh...
00:19:04.000 Folding clothes at Target?
00:19:07.000 I'm forced to believe- Why are you working at Target on paternity leave?
00:19:11.000 That's what I don't understand.
00:19:12.000 I'm forced to believe this is somebody else.
00:19:13.000 What do you make there, $15 an hour?
00:19:14.000 Well, this has got to be somebody else.
00:19:16.000 Let's see.
00:19:20.000 What is that?
00:19:21.000 That is not me either.
00:19:22.000 So far, we haven't seen me once.
00:19:25.000 I mean, you're fast.
00:19:26.000 Why do you have a shower cap on?
00:19:28.000 You don't want to get any hairs on your t-shirts?
00:19:30.000 I don't know why he has a shower cap on.
00:19:32.000 That's unclear.
00:19:33.000 I gotta admit, you got it down to a... Wait, that's dumb.
00:19:37.000 You hid the silkscreen on the shirt, so now he can't tell what shirt it is.
00:19:42.000 And then, I understand you drink PBR now?
00:19:45.000 I've had PBR in the past.
00:19:46.000 I don't... I barely drink anything ever.
00:19:48.000 You're not a big drinker, but you're sitting there on your downtime making videos of you drinking PBR.
00:19:54.000 No, this isn't... That doesn't even look like me at all.
00:19:58.000 I don't speak Japanese.
00:20:01.000 I didn't think you did either until I saw this.
00:20:03.000 Well now, since I'm telling you that that's not me, then we're going back to you know that I don't speak Japanese.
00:20:09.000 And then finally,
00:20:11.000 You know, our subscribers are getting bank shows while you're out there fighting chicks.
00:20:18.000 I don't remember ever fighting a chick.
00:20:23.000 That doesn't look to me like a chick either.
00:20:25.000 Why are your hands in your pockets?
00:20:28.000 I haven't had that sort of haircut in years.
00:20:32.000 What is this thing?
00:20:32.000 And that doesn't mean it's years old either.
00:20:34.000 Why are you fighting her in water first, and then you get out of the water?
00:20:37.000 This doesn't even look like it's been- this isn't on Earth.
00:20:42.000 So the planet's Zartan.
00:20:43.000 This looks like it's from Zartan, judging by the geography.
00:20:47.000 Yeah, sorry, even when you're- they're muscular, they're not as strong as us.
00:20:51.000 This is some real Zartanian shit.
00:20:54.000 The- look at the chicks.
00:20:57.000 We're still learning on a daily basis that women aren't as strong as men.
00:21:01.000 Yes, even when they're ripped.
00:21:04.000 Even if you're on czar loop with three times gravity.
00:21:09.000 By the way, speaking of combat, do you remember the punch I invented?
00:21:13.000 The overhand right?
00:21:16.000 I'm probably the worst fighter in my gym.
00:21:18.000 And people joke about it.
00:21:20.000 That doesn't mean I can't come up with some moves.
00:21:22.000 I'm not retarded.
00:21:24.000 So I invented a punch.
00:21:26.000 The two guys that are my age at the gym are Big John, who you met last night, and this other firefighter, Lance.
00:21:35.000 And they're like this much taller than me.
00:21:37.000 So my only, I can't, I never really get body shots.
00:21:41.000 They're easy to block.
00:21:42.000 I've never had anyone go, oh, that got me!
00:21:45.000 But the head, I can get.
00:21:47.000 But with tall guys, you're just constantly like, eh, eh.
00:21:50.000 So I invented a thing where you go low, bonk, bonk, and then without looking up.
00:21:57.000 Sometimes you get hit in the top of the head, which fucking sucks.
00:22:00.000 It really reboots your hard drive.
00:22:01.000 But you go bonk, bonk, and then without looking up, bonk.
00:22:05.000 And if you want to, if you want to hit, the overhand right becomes, or the overhand left becomes whatever you start with.
00:22:11.000 So if you start with the left, it'll be the left.
00:22:13.000 Bonk, bonk, bonk.
00:22:14.000 Or the other one, the other side of course is bonk, bonk, bonk.
00:22:18.000 And dude, I've warned John.
00:22:20.000 I'm like, it's coming.
00:22:22.000 Where's your cat sweater?
00:22:25.000 Did you forget?
00:22:25.000 No.
00:22:27.000 You didn't forget?
00:22:27.000 No.
00:22:29.000 I just need to get on cam quick.
00:22:32.000 Hmm.
00:22:34.000 So, and when I tell, obviously when you're as shit of a boxer as me, when you tell people, who are obviously gonna be better than you if you're the worst, right?
00:22:43.000 You're always looking up.
00:22:45.000 When you tell people, I have this move, they go, yeah, that's nice.
00:22:49.000 It's like when you talk about the Mets with other baseball fans, they're like, the Mets, yeah.
00:22:53.000 And then the Yankees and the Red Sox fans have a conversation and you're like, yeah, good pitching this year.
00:22:59.000 We're gonna get a better closer soon.
00:23:00.000 And they're just like, can you?
00:23:02.000 Go get me a beer or something, bitch.
00:23:06.000 So, uh, no one listens to this move.
00:23:10.000 But I keep seeing it.
00:23:12.000 And so I've been vindicated.
00:23:14.000 Check out 2-6.
00:23:17.000 This guy is doing exactly what I just described.
00:23:22.000 Duel for tall opponent, overhand right, bink.
00:23:24.000 And sometimes when a weapon is working, we'll deploy it ruthlessly, boop, and relentlessly, bink.
00:23:29.000 Now he's not doing the keep your head down as much.
00:23:31.000 And you know what it does?
00:23:32.000 Tall guys just assume they're gonna win.
00:23:34.000 So when they get rocked, they're disoriented, they're surprised.
00:23:48.000 When you told me overhand right before my fight with Stevie Lou, it landed twice in a row.
00:23:52.000 Yeah.
00:23:52.000 It's hard to land the same punch twice in a row.
00:23:55.000 Well, they're used to you, like, telegraphing, like, here it comes.
00:24:01.000 And they're just like, fuck off.
00:24:03.000 Like, they've had an hour to watch.
00:24:04.000 It's almost like an asteroid about to hit the earth.
00:24:08.000 You have all this warning.
00:24:09.000 But when they're like, what is he doing down there with my belly?
00:24:14.000 And now here's Canelo.
00:24:16.000 I think I have the overhand rights.
00:24:22.000 That was one, and here's another one.
00:24:23.000 Boom.
00:24:24.000 Here's a different angle.
00:24:25.000 Oh, I didn't even see it.
00:24:27.000 And look, note how you're not even looking.
00:24:30.000 No, you don't have to.
00:24:31.000 Trainers will tell you that's stupid.
00:24:33.000 They go, always have your eyes on your opponent.
00:24:36.000 No, the eyes give it away.
00:24:39.000 The eyes have it.
00:24:40.000 The eyes have it.
00:24:41.000 So check out Canelo27.
00:24:44.000 He's basically teaching someone the whole idea of not looking where you're going.
00:24:50.000 Don't look where you're going.
00:24:51.000 Don't look.
00:24:54.000 Just feel it.
00:24:56.000 I hate that he doesn't speak English.
00:24:58.000 It's weird that he's Mexican.
00:25:00.000 And I remember trying to Google it.
00:25:01.000 I was like, why is he like that?
00:25:03.000 And nobody was, there was no results at the time.
00:25:05.000 Now it's starting to be a thing.
00:25:06.000 They're like, no, there was an Irish Spanish war, right?
00:25:09.000 Like a hundred something years ago.
00:25:11.000 I can't remember when, and he must be a holdover from that.
00:25:15.000 But when he's around like Brown Mexicans, are they like, yeah, you're Mexican.
00:25:19.000 Sure.
00:25:21.000 Like it's weird.
00:25:22.000 I think that's why he doesn't speak English.
00:25:25.000 I mean, his name is cinnamon.
00:25:26.000 That's what Canelo means.
00:25:27.000 But did you see that?
00:25:28.000 It's very quick.
00:25:32.000 Oh, that's him with Ryan Garcia, yeah.
00:25:33.000 Ryan Garcia landed a hook on him when they were kind of fake sparring.
00:25:38.000 I think our guy Harley Heavyhands Burke might have a big fight in Madison Square Garden soon.
00:25:45.000 More to come.
00:25:46.000 All right, that's enough time for the next read, which is, of course, Wild Wild West development.
00:25:53.000 Wild Wild West web development.
00:25:55.000 I guess they know that it's my pet peeve, Wild Wild West, so they're torturing me.
00:26:00.000 Wild Wild West web development was founded by Christopher Barber in the year of our Lord, 2023, which is just about to end.
00:26:07.000 Chris is Wild Wild West's lead developer and is the fastest... Wait, have you got the assets for this?
00:26:13.000 Yep.
00:26:14.000 Put the...
00:26:16.000 The website behind me.
00:26:24.000 Chris is Wild Wild West's lead developer and is the fastest and most accurate web developer in the West.
00:26:29.000 He has trained in web development for over 20 years.
00:26:32.000 Chris has been awarded a bachelor's degree in computer science from the University of Calgary, as well as a certificate of web development from Southern Alberta Institute of Technology.
00:26:40.000 Chris has made and edited websites and web applications which have earned millions of views and thousands of happy clients.
00:26:47.000 Wild Wild West Web Development creates, edits, improves, and repairs websites and web applications primarily for personal and small businesses.
00:26:54.000 Wild Wild West Web Development is a straight shooter and its aim is to make you look good and increase your client base.
00:27:01.000 Everyone needs a beautiful website to promote themselves and their business.
00:27:03.000 Why not hire a MAGA baby monster
00:27:07.000 I don't know if you mentioned this while I was opening our presents, Sean at Censored.TV, S-E-A-N, not S-H-A-W-N, but S-E-A-N,
00:27:29.000 Can handle all your ad needs.
00:27:31.000 He's our ad guy.
00:27:32.000 He's unlike our previous ad guy who was so bad we suspected he was an antifa that was here to sabotage the company.
00:27:39.000 But Sean is good.
00:27:41.000 SEAN at Censored.TV and maybe to sponsor the fight.
00:27:44.000 Let's talk about that.
00:27:45.000 That's St.
00:27:46.000 Paddy's Day I think.
00:27:48.000 I'm going to use this Wild Wild West site design.
00:27:49.000 I have a domain and we're coming out with that mixtape and I want to sell a shirt.
00:27:55.000 Mixtape's free, but I want to sell a shirt.
00:27:57.000 And I don't know how to do it.
00:27:58.000 Why don't you just sell it through our shirts?
00:28:03.000 Do you want my shirt on your thing?
00:28:05.000 It'll be easy to keep it separate, I think.
00:28:07.000 Yeah, yeah, you're right.
00:28:08.000 That's gay.
00:28:10.000 Well, it would be too cool for the site, I think.
00:28:12.000 Yeah.
00:28:13.000 That's what you meant.
00:28:13.000 What is, what is this shirt?
00:28:15.000 Can we see it?
00:28:15.000 It's just my, uh, logo.
00:28:16.000 I think I have it.
00:28:18.000 What's your yo- nope-yep?
00:28:20.000 Yep, I paid a guy to make it look like a metal shirt, like a metal logo.
00:28:29.000 So it's just your brand?
00:28:30.000 Like if people like Ryan the guy?
00:28:32.000 No, this is for the music that I'm about to release.
00:28:36.000 Two brand new tracks that nobody's ever heard before and a bunch of my other buddies.
00:28:41.000 We each have two tracks that we're putting on the album.
00:28:43.000 Mike Lasseter, Proud Boy from St.
00:28:46.000 Louis, remember him?
00:28:48.000 There's no way you don't remember him.
00:28:50.000 He's Luke's friend.
00:28:51.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:52.000 Can you make my background like snowy?
00:28:55.000 I could look into it, sure.
00:28:56.000 Yeah, just like falling snow in a forest.
00:29:00.000 Something more Christmassy than our old set in washed out magenta.
00:29:06.000 You love that washed out aesthetic, don't you?
00:29:08.000 I tried to make that as vivid as possible.
00:29:10.000 Vivid?
00:29:11.000 Yeah.
00:29:13.000 Okay, like well contrasty like well, this is see that's washed out.
00:29:17.000 I would say this I would say is more Dense, okay, then what does that say?
00:29:24.000 Well, it's got a range there's parts of it anyway, can we not argue about everything it looks like shit I'm looking into a snowy background While you do that
00:29:35.000 I thought this was interesting.
00:29:36.000 Owen Benjamin and I have both been completely purged from the internet.
00:29:42.000 They took down all the GOML clips off of YouTube.
00:29:44.000 But even before that, I've got like a billion hours of Sophie Can Walk and How to Drink in a Bar, How to Piss in Public, of course.
00:29:53.000 Like probably about 50 viral sketches that are all gone.
00:29:57.000 So when they say, this person is a white supremacist,
00:30:00.000 I can't back it up with saying, no, actually, there's a lot of funny stuff there, too.
00:30:04.000 And it's stupid, even, the fact that they do that, because then people see a funny sketch and they go, huh, I guess I like white supremacy.
00:30:11.000 Thanks for the tip.
00:30:16.000 And Owen Benjamin provided a great example of this when he said, it's so convenient when my YouTube channel got deleted and all these comics got some great new jokes.
00:30:27.000 And what is the girl's response to, do you like that?
00:30:29.000 It's like, deeper.
00:30:31.000 You're like, sweet, like that?
00:30:32.000 Like that?
00:30:33.000 Is that deeper?
00:30:34.000 Deeper, like if I make this face?
00:30:38.000 Like, ladies, you think we're holding out?
00:30:43.000 Like, stop and think what deeper means.
00:30:46.000 Deeper means you think there's a chance we have more.
00:30:51.000 Deeper means you think we're holding out.
00:30:52.000 I remember one time, just stop for a sec.
00:30:55.000 One time I was fucking this girl in her ass with her, like, knees next to her ears.
00:31:00.000 Just plunging, plunging.
00:31:02.000 And she was like, harder, harder.
00:31:03.000 And I'm like, would you like me to put my arm in there?
00:31:08.000 You're supposed to be crying.
00:31:09.000 You're supposed to say, help, help.
00:31:13.000 Just for ourselves.
00:31:16.000 It's like, deeper.
00:31:17.000 It's like, no, baby, that last inch is just for me.
00:31:19.000 Ladies, how would you feel if we said tighter?
00:31:26.000 Look at everyone's reaction.
00:31:28.000 It's mind-blowingly offensive.
00:31:31.000 It's fucking mind-blowingly offensive.
00:31:33.000 Tighter, baby.
00:31:34.000 Tighter.
00:31:37.000 No, try a different angle.
00:31:39.000 I deserve more.
00:31:41.000 No, that would not end well.
00:31:45.000 Deeper.
00:31:47.000 Deeper.
00:31:49.000 It don't go deeper.
00:31:52.000 That's the end of the dick.
00:31:53.000 There's no more dick after the end of the dick.
00:31:56.000 Okay?
00:31:56.000 This isn't a coincidence.
00:31:57.000 All right, what treats the end of the dick is just body.
00:31:59.000 That's where the body starts.
00:32:01.000 I could tuck some stomach in there if you want.
00:32:03.000 I don't know.
00:32:04.000 I don't know what biology class you took where they told you, say, deeper.
00:32:07.000 You go, oh, deeper?
00:32:08.000 Let me crank out some more dick.
00:32:12.000 Always keep an extra foot of dick on me and all.
00:32:15.000 What, you thought this was a beer belly?
00:32:16.000 It's a penis pouch, babe.
00:32:17.000 That's where I keep my dick at.
00:32:19.000 I gotta store it somewhere, you know?
00:32:21.000 All this fucking extra dick I got flopping around.
00:32:23.000 I need a storage unit.
00:32:28.000 That's rude to say, isn't it?
00:32:30.000 We would never say that to you.
00:32:31.000 Tighter!
00:32:35.000 Anyone who was holding out any hope for coincidence just lost all hope.
00:32:38.000 Vacuum seal it!
00:32:39.000 What do you think, Ryan?
00:32:49.000 I mean, yeah, like you said, it could have been parallel thinking until the tighter part.
00:32:53.000 Yeah.
00:32:54.000 I think it's pretty.
00:32:56.000 It's not a common... I don't know, is it a common thing that you would stumble upon?
00:33:00.000 That thought?
00:33:02.000 Doesn't seem like it.
00:33:03.000 Yeah, I could see both... Also, like, saying deeper like that.
00:33:08.000 I could see two people stumbling upon deeper, deeper.
00:33:12.000 But then also saying it's mind-blowingly offensive.
00:33:14.000 Like, who are we kidding?
00:33:15.000 Of course he ripped it off.
00:33:16.000 I don't think I like Andrew Schultz.
00:33:20.000 I don't think he's my cup of tea.
00:33:21.000 I don't really like anybody who fakes talking black.
00:33:25.000 Oh yeah when he's around black people he blacks it up.
00:33:28.000 It just bothers me.
00:33:29.000 I remember he said he overheard someone was showing wanted to show Dave Chappelle his comedy and I guess sometimes he uses like a PowerPoint and shows pictures and stuff and Dave Chappelle said
00:33:42.000 To the guy, uh, I don't do that.
00:33:44.000 I do stand-up comedy.
00:33:45.000 That's not stand-up comedy.
00:33:46.000 And Andrew Schultz found out about it and he said, yeah, I get that.
00:33:50.000 That's like when someone feels threatened and they don't want to acknowledge that other people are out there.
00:33:56.000 No, I don't think that's what's going.
00:33:58.000 That's the first time I went, you're rubbing me the wrong way.
00:34:02.000 Honestly, I did not care for his comedy.
00:34:04.000 I know that... Oh, this is another example of... I liked this.
00:34:07.000 You didn't like this?
00:34:08.000 Well, you suck, so that's another reason to hate him.
00:34:10.000 I thought this was sweet.
00:34:11.000 When I first started comedy, my dream was to one day headline Madison Square Garden, and I would tell people that, and they would all... He headlined Madison Square Garden.
00:34:24.000 He's about to.
00:34:25.000 That's amazing.
00:34:26.000 Or they would like, they'd kind of laugh at the notion of it.
00:34:29.000 What the fuck is his dad wearing?
00:34:30.000 How does the dad not know, his dad looks like meatloaf by the way, but how does, like exactly.
00:34:35.000 You brought me into this thing and now I'm looking at the minus square.
00:34:38.000 What's with the top button undone with the fucking beret?
00:34:40.000 Fuck off.
00:34:42.000 But how does the dad not know where this is going?
00:34:44.000 He's like, obviously you're going to tell me you're going to play the garden.
00:34:46.000 I told you that that was my dream.
00:34:49.000 I said, one day I want to headline Madison Square Garden.
00:34:51.000 And I remember you stopped what you were doing and you looked me in the eyes and you said, uh, I'll see you there.
00:34:57.000 And it was like really important to me because I felt like I wasn't the only person that believed that could happen.
00:35:07.000 And, uh,
00:35:09.000 I know as you know sir, sometimes things become hard to remember, but I remember everything.
00:35:15.000 I remember all the time you put into me and all the effort that you made.
00:35:18.000 All the dick you put into me.
00:35:20.000 You always believed in me and supported me and this made all the difference.
00:35:24.000 Absolutely.
00:35:25.000 And I'll love you till the end of time!
00:35:27.000 I think, Ryan, you like this because we don't have a dad.
00:35:30.000 Possibly.
00:35:31.000 Let me just tell you, as someone with a dad, this is fucking gay.
00:35:34.000 Okay.
00:35:34.000 You know what I like?
00:35:35.000 If you're going to do this, I'm obviously never going to headline Madison Square Garden.
00:35:40.000 The guy's very successful, the point is moot.
00:35:44.000 If I was to do something like that or if anyone is to do something like that, you got to be aware, have some self-awareness and realize how corny this looks.
00:35:51.000 So like maybe crack a joke or something or be like, we did it dad.
00:35:56.000 If we were still on tour, you should bring your dad and replicate this video.
00:35:56.000 Oh my God.
00:35:59.000 And it's like the Vulcan in Austin, Texas.
00:36:02.000 Remember dad when you said I'd never do a show in front of a hundred people?
00:36:09.000 Well here we are on some offshoot in Vegas.
00:36:13.000 Here we are on the VFW in McHenry, Illinois.
00:36:17.000 Remember you said I'd never play the VFW at one in the morning after two other shows got cancelled?
00:36:23.000 Well here we are and I'm blackout drunk so I won't be remembering any of this.
00:36:27.000 We paid them two grand.
00:36:28.000 And you see the little crippled guy there that's doing the set after me?
00:36:31.000 He'll be dead in about two months.
00:36:34.000 You wouldn't be very shocked by that, sadly.
00:36:35.000 I mean, Donovan does not have an easy life.
00:36:38.000 But he made the most of it.
00:36:39.000 What I liked about this Andrew Schultz thing is because I hate the black thing shit because he's full of shit and it's a put-on, but this is at least honest.
00:36:48.000 This is at least honest so I like that.
00:36:50.000 Okay it's honest for me to sit there and like talk about my kidney stones or it's honest for some... can you get this background fix please?
00:36:58.000 Yeah.
00:36:59.000 It's honest for someone to talk about how scared they were when their son had to go into surgery because he had an infection like okay honest schmonist.
00:37:11.000 Let's go hear someone talk about their divorce for an hour.
00:37:13.000 You know what would be cool?
00:37:14.000 If he did the black scent while walking.
00:37:15.000 Yo, dad, remember I told you I'll be fucking around with this Madison Square shit?
00:37:20.000 Like, it's a sentimental moment.
00:37:22.000 It doesn't need to be on film.
00:37:25.000 You don't need everything on film.
00:37:27.000 And who the fuck are you, bro?
00:37:30.000 Like, if this is Prince or someone we're looking back over a career.
00:37:34.000 If this is your first time at Madison Square Garden, so you just started, basically, like your peak.
00:37:38.000 And you're there with your dad to look back over all the times you guys have had together.
00:37:43.000 What a wild ride it's been, dad.
00:37:47.000 The shitty part is the dad didn't even really care.
00:37:50.000 He didn't really, he was like, wow, what the fuck?
00:37:52.000 That's crazy.
00:37:53.000 He hasn't seen his dad in 20 years, so his dad's just like, who the fuck are you again?
00:38:00.000 There, that's more, that's Christmassy.
00:38:03.000 I'm wondering if we should tell everyone to fuck off.
00:38:07.000 Why not?
00:38:08.000 What do you think?
00:38:09.000 It's the Christmas spirit to do so.
00:38:12.000 It's been what, 45 minutes?
00:38:15.000 I'll tell you what, we'll do one more ad read and then we might cut you off.
00:38:21.000 And just go behind the paywall and start taking calls, or we might continue the freebie just a little bit.
00:38:28.000 I think if people know that we're going to leave them off at the ad read, it gives them the opportunity to just not watch the ad.
00:38:32.000 Are we getting calls?
00:38:32.000 Are there calls piled up?
00:38:35.000 We haven't set it up yet.
00:38:36.000 Put the number on the screen.
00:38:39.000 The number is 7184006959.
00:38:40.000 Look at this bag.
00:38:41.000 Or look on your screen.
00:38:49.000 JumpMedic is a great small business created by a paramedic with years of on-the-ground emergency experience.
00:38:55.000 JumpMedic's unique flat-lay design is one-of-a-kind and makes it so you can access all of your life-saving equipment with great ease.
00:39:02.000 Many people that have a first aid kit don't realize that they have out-of-date expired supplies or it's hard to access in an emergency.
00:39:10.000 Even some of the most prepared people don't realize how severely lacking their first aid kit can be.
00:39:15.000 Wait a minute, let me work on that sentence.
00:39:16.000 Many people that have a first aid kit don't realize that they have out-of-date expired supplies or it's hard to access in an emergency?
00:39:24.000 What the fuck kind of sentence is that?
00:39:26.000 Many people that have a first aid kit don't realize they have out-of-date expired supplies or they have supplies that are hard to access in an emergency.
00:39:40.000 Sean, please pay attention.
00:39:43.000 Even some of the most prepared people don't realize how severely lacking their first aid kit can be.
00:39:46.000 So to that I say, take a look at JumpMedic.com.
00:39:49.000 They have the finest first aid kits that money can buy.
00:39:51.000 You can even customize your first aid kit to fit your needs by utilizing JumpMedic's build-a-bag feature.
00:39:56.000 Just go to JumpMedic.com slash bag build and select what you want from their convenient drop-down menu.
00:40:02.000 You can get one or more of their awesome Pro or Go bags.
00:40:05.000 Those are the smaller ones.
00:40:07.000 Or you can skip the bags altogether and just stock up on first aid supplies to your heart's content.
00:40:12.000 They have everything you would need in a first aid kit.
00:40:14.000 This great small business has a ton of new updates to existing products as well as new products on the way.
00:40:20.000 I'd recommend getting the Jumpmatic Pro if you need to get a gift for someone in your family.
00:40:24.000 It's a great and innovative product and people absolutely love it.
00:40:28.000 Knowing that this first aid kit is in your home, car, RV, tent, or glory hole provides a gigantic peace of mind.
00:40:34.000 Take a look at the reviews.
00:40:36.000 It's the perfect first aid kit.
00:40:37.000 If you don't have a first aid kit, or even if you do, check out JumpMedic.com.
00:40:40.000 Free shipping in the USA.
00:40:41.000 Enter promo code RyanSucks for 10% off.
00:40:44.000 That code works for everything except the sale items.
00:40:48.000 And if you don't want to get the huge kit, I think it's always smart to have, especially in the winter months, to have a go bag in your trunk, some basics.
00:40:59.000 You never think you're going to need it until you need it.
00:41:01.000 And how much would you regret it if something happens to someone in your car, you have some sort of an accident, and you go, if I had... Can't you see me bleeding?
00:41:08.000 I forgot a tourniquet and band-aids and shoes.
00:41:16.000 And you'd regret it.
00:41:18.000 You'll regret it if you don't get it.
00:41:20.000 I have one in my car.
00:41:24.000 Here's something I wanted to get to.
00:41:27.000 Pierce Brosnan's wife.
00:41:29.000 Now this has been going around.
00:41:30.000 I've seen it in a lot of memes.
00:41:33.000 And it has a picture of her like 40 years ago.
00:41:37.000 And then it has a picture of her now.
00:41:39.000 And she's 60.
00:41:41.000 She's a fucking smoke show.
00:41:44.000 Yes, she put on some weight.
00:41:46.000 You have kids, you get old.
00:41:48.000 I don't think the people criticizing her realize how old 60 is.
00:41:51.000 I won't be 60 for 7 years.
00:41:54.000 And I'm old as shit.
00:41:56.000 I look terrible.
00:41:59.000 And women age much worse than men.
00:42:02.000 So go, go look at your 60 year old mom, bro.
00:42:07.000 She looks fantastic.
00:42:09.000 And then the other pictures I've seen where they show her whole body and you're like, Oh no, poor Pierce.
00:42:15.000 He signed up for B cups and now he's stuck with these gigantic D cups.
00:42:19.000 That's a different chick, I think.
00:42:22.000 Like that.
00:42:23.000 Everyone's showing that and they go, cheers to Pierce Brosnan for holding on and not dumping her.
00:42:29.000 What?
00:42:30.000 What?
00:42:31.000 Do you know how badly I'd love to fuck that fat pig?
00:42:35.000 That is her.
00:42:36.000 Is it?
00:42:36.000 Yeah.
00:42:37.000 Okay.
00:42:38.000 So she looked great back then and she looks great now.
00:42:41.000 I think young people don't have a concept of age.
00:42:46.000 Like, I'm old, people I hang out with are in their mid-fifties.
00:42:51.000 If one of our friends said, hey, have you never met my wife?
00:42:55.000 And he brought her by, not her, but the other one, we'd be like, did you see fucking Pierce's wife?
00:43:02.000 Did you see John?
00:43:03.000 I'll say John's wife.
00:43:04.000 Okay, there she is, no makeup, all washed out, right?
00:43:06.000 Her hair's all wet and matted.
00:43:08.000 That's supposed to be gross?
00:43:10.000 Are you retarded?
00:43:11.000 This is porn brain.
00:43:13.000 This is absolutely pornified brain.
00:43:15.000 Yeah, I guess so, right?
00:43:17.000 She's not like... Jenna Jameson.
00:43:19.000 She doesn't look as pretty as she did when she was 22.
00:43:22.000 I find women when they're 60 look a lot older than when they're 22.
00:43:28.000 We've been through this a million times.
00:43:30.000 We keep seeing women who have aged badly.
00:43:32.000 Even the chick who's in Top Gun, I think she's got some problem with bloating or something.
00:43:40.000 And it's like, okay, she's 65.
00:43:42.000 And you shot her on her way to get a coffee with her car keys in her hand after she just woke up.
00:43:48.000 And the other picture you're showing is at a photo shoot in 1983.
00:43:53.000 Sorry, it's disgusting like the thought behind is like dude.
00:43:56.000 Congrats.
00:43:57.000 What a good guy for not like leaving that ugly bitch It's like what kind of shit that she have to put up with for him.
00:44:02.000 I sound like Bill Burr What kind of shit did she have to deal with but this fucking guy walking around like he's double-oh-seven I hate to sound like if I don't want to come across as a feminist.
00:44:10.000 I want to come across as a pervert You guys are not horny enough and here's the other thing too about getting older that you don't realize till you get older your your taste expands and
00:44:21.000 Like when I was 19, I go, oh my God, one of her nipples has a mole.
00:44:27.000 And then you get to be my age and you're like, at least she has two limbs.
00:44:33.000 That doesn't, that's not very flattering to Pierce's wife, but it's kind of a disgusting part of our society.
00:44:39.000 You know what it is too?
00:44:40.000 It's, it's like this perpetual infantilization of adult men where they're just like, she's not young.
00:44:49.000 Everyone has to be young and perfect.
00:44:50.000 And, and which is a normal thing for like an 18 year old to say, cause he's young and perfect.
00:44:55.000 But when you see 30 year olds talking like that, you realize you're still fucking 18.
00:44:59.000 Loser.
00:45:04.000 Grow the fuck up.
00:45:05.000 You know what happened at the gym the other day?
00:45:06.000 I said to my trainer, not Larry, but the weight guy, I go, what is with these fucking kids, these Puerto Ricans and blacks, who after they work out, they shower, they get dressed, and then they're there.
00:45:18.000 They're not talking.
00:45:20.000 They're not angry.
00:45:21.000 They're just pointing.
00:45:22.000 They're not talking.
00:45:23.000 They're just on their phones and they're just hanging around.
00:45:26.000 And he goes, well, some of them have nowhere to go.
00:45:28.000 I go, what do you mean?
00:45:29.000 They're homeless?
00:45:30.000 Yeah, kinda.
00:45:31.000 Like one of them, he says his name, a Puerto Rican kid, his stepmother doesn't want him around anymore and the dad agrees.
00:45:38.000 And I'm like, oh fuck, that's like right out of Oliver Twist.
00:45:43.000 Poor little kid.
00:45:44.000 How old is he?
00:45:45.000 He's like 21 or something.
00:45:48.000 What?
00:45:49.000 That's not, um... You're not homeless, and your parents didn't kick you out if you're 21.
00:45:56.000 You're an adult male.
00:45:59.000 And then he goes, well, his dad felt bad for him.
00:46:01.000 His dad's a super at a building.
00:46:03.000 So he, he has a room.
00:46:05.000 I mean, he doesn't have a shower or a bathroom, but it's just like a room in the building where he has a heavy bag and he can work out and, and then, you know, showers elsewhere.
00:46:14.000 I'm like, how many gets a fucking job?
00:46:16.000 And it's the Puerto Rican on Puerto Rican thing.
00:46:19.000 So, uh, my trainer's Puerto Rican.
00:46:21.000 He gives me this face like,
00:46:24.000 You know what that face means?
00:46:26.000 Oh, Gav, it's so easy for you to say.
00:46:28.000 It means, stop being such a hard-ass.
00:46:31.000 Come on, you understand.
00:46:33.000 Your kids should be with you till they're 26.
00:46:35.000 That's what his face was saying.
00:46:37.000 Here in Puerto Rico.
00:46:39.000 Fuck that!
00:46:40.000 I don't know if my kids are ready for the imminent whiplash, but the second you're 18... Boom!
00:46:48.000 Out the door!
00:46:49.000 Bye-bye!
00:46:51.000 You can go to college.
00:46:52.000 Bye bye!
00:46:53.000 Or not.
00:46:54.000 I don't care.
00:46:55.000 College is so stupid now that I don't even think it's good for jobs.
00:46:59.000 So it's like, do you want to go to dance school or start work right away?
00:47:03.000 I don't care.
00:47:04.000 What's dance school?
00:47:06.000 All school is dance school now.
00:47:09.000 You do not come out ahead.
00:47:11.000 You might know the shimmy shimmy and the hound dog and the Boogaloo Harris.
00:47:16.000 You might know how to do the Dougie.
00:47:18.000 Okay.
00:47:19.000 No one cares.
00:47:19.000 No one wants that.
00:47:20.000 Dare to struggle!
00:47:23.000 Sometimes you come out more annoying and employers don't want you.
00:47:27.000 I know advice.
00:47:27.000 I never hired one journalism degree dude because they're stupid and they're stuck in their ways and they're conformist and they're corny.
00:47:38.000 Oh, fuck.
00:47:39.000 All the journalism students, they go, okay, I'm writing for Vice.
00:47:42.000 All right.
00:47:43.000 Woke up two hours late, grabbed a cigarette.
00:47:47.000 And it's this like crime novel, Hunter Thompson shit.
00:47:52.000 Are calls piling up or should I start a new segment?
00:47:59.000 Start a new one.
00:48:02.000 So my girlfriend, Cara Castronova, she's my girlfriend in my head, which is a sin.
00:48:10.000 I guess I'm coveting my neighbor's wife, right?
00:48:12.000 Yes.
00:48:13.000 But this, she's into boxing.
00:48:15.000 She's a New Yorker.
00:48:17.000 I mean, the second my wife dies in a plane crash, I'm going to be like, this sucks, but
00:48:23.000 After a period of mourning, I know what my next step will be.
00:48:27.000 So she did a cool thing right around the office here.
00:48:30.000 She interviewed people in our neighborhood and asked them if they would vote for Trump.
00:48:36.000 Did you know, before we play this, look at her.
00:48:39.000 Perfection.
00:48:41.000 Did you know that more than 50% of African American males are pro-Trump now?
00:48:46.000 Wow.
00:48:48.000 I can't wrap my head around it.
00:48:50.000 That you can't wrap either.
00:48:53.000 He had, I think he got like 2% of the vote in Manhattan.
00:48:57.000 Obama got 99% of the black vote.
00:48:59.000 I know those two aren't necessarily correlated, but it doesn't compute.
00:49:05.000 I guess that's how shitty Biden is.
00:49:07.000 The election strategy is cutting into traditional Democrat strongholds.
00:49:11.000 Shortly after Newsmax found surprising support for the former president in the Bronx, we found out that he was considering doing a rally here.
00:49:18.000 We joined the New York City Young Republican President, Gavin Wax, to find out more.
00:49:25.000 Did he say listen, Cara?
00:49:27.000 Yeah.
00:49:27.000 Gavin Wax, he was at my Metropolitan talk.
00:49:30.000 He was beating up Antifa.
00:49:32.000 He caught those guys that were, that jumped that reporter.
00:49:35.000 This guy is on fire.
00:49:37.000 I'm doing a green screen about real men.
00:49:38.000 I think he may have made the cuts.
00:49:40.000 He's having dinner with Trump the other night.
00:49:43.000 He's sort of leading the New York charge for Trump.
00:49:47.000 And I knew, the second I saw him, I went, that guy's going places.
00:49:50.000 That guy's got it.
00:49:52.000 I don't know what it is, but he's got it.
00:49:55.000 And that's not just a cool first name.
00:49:57.000 America Great Again, it includes the South Bronx, believe it or not.
00:50:01.000 It's for all Americans.
00:50:02.000 I think this is why it's great that President Trump wants to visit the South Bronx for some sort of rally.
00:50:07.000 It shows that he cares.
00:50:09.000 President Trump and I have been speaking recently about, you know, his prospects in New York, New York City.
00:50:13.000 There was a poll that came out that showed him within the single digits.
00:50:15.000 So we talked a bit about that.
00:50:16.000 I mentioned, you know, the interviews you did on the street in the South Bronx, where there was a lot of support for President Trump.
00:50:22.000 People were very excited about him.
00:50:24.000 It was something that people hadn't really seen before.
00:50:26.000 Any coincidence?
00:50:27.000 There's a lot of support in the South Bronx, and yet again, like Trump said early on the show...
00:50:33.000 Are you behind it?
00:50:34.000 Let's watch more.
00:50:35.000 Yeah, it's me.
00:50:36.000 I think you really were responsible for a large convincing of a large amount of people that Trump isn't just a joke and he's a real candidate.
00:50:44.000 Oh yeah, I would back that.
00:50:45.000 That's literally how I felt.
00:50:46.000 I remember feeling that way.
00:50:47.000 I was like, there's no fucking way.
00:50:48.000 I didn't even like him as a president.
00:50:51.000 I was like, that guy, I like him as the apprentice guy, but he's a total joke.
00:50:55.000 You know what Gavin did?
00:50:57.000 Gavin Wax, not me.
00:51:00.000 He harvested
00:51:02.000 The thing about New York is, yes, it's highly liberal and it's got a lot of
00:51:13.000 Crime and douchebags and everything.
00:51:15.000 But it does have a culture of rebellion that's hard to articulate.
00:51:20.000 And during COVID, there was a lot of Manhattanites especially that were like, no, no on the vaccine.
00:51:27.000 Because they live in an area full of conflict and it doesn't help you to acquiesce if you live in New York City.
00:51:36.000 So you tend to be a bit of a stalwart.
00:51:40.000 You tend to think outside the box, I guess is the best way to say it.
00:51:43.000 And those Red Scare chicks is a good example of that.
00:51:46.000 You know what I mean?
00:51:47.000 Lucian Wintrich, those kind of people.
00:51:51.000 But they're sort of like alone.
00:51:52.000 That's why the Proud Boys blew up in Manhattan because all those people, all the men at least, could get together and talk about Trump and recognize that they don't feel like they belong in liberal circles.
00:52:04.000 And Gavin Wax did that on a larger scale because he included broads.
00:52:10.000 Okay, go ahead.
00:52:11.000 Ruins.
00:52:12.000 It was something new, it was something novel.
00:52:13.000 Free my son Trump!
00:52:15.000 Free my son Trump!
00:52:16.000 He went and watched it after our gala, he shared an article.
00:52:19.000 Wait, that's it?
00:52:20.000 Trump is her son?
00:52:20.000 Yeah.
00:52:23.000 Whoa.
00:52:25.000 Dude, I'm telling you, Hispanics, they use lots of creams and a lot of the grease in burritos, it preserves their skin.
00:52:34.000 That's crazy.
00:52:35.000 She's 97 years old.
00:52:36.000 Mamacita.
00:52:39.000 ...on your interviews and I think it got him very excited.
00:52:42.000 He kind of said, you know, well, let's do a rally in the South Bronx.
00:52:45.000 I said, sure, let's do it.
00:52:46.000 If President Trump came here to the South Bronx, would you attend the rally?
00:52:50.000 Of course, I would want to meet Trump.
00:52:51.000 I want to shake his hand.
00:52:52.000 He's the only president that I see that can ever make America great again.
00:52:57.000 He's capable of doing that.
00:52:59.000 He's the only president that doesn't use voodoo.
00:53:02.000 Is that Papa Smurf?
00:53:04.000 I would love to go to a rally with Donald Trump come.
00:53:06.000 I'm a big Donald Trump supporter.
00:53:08.000 Who's Donald Trump?
00:53:09.000 And I will support him 100%.
00:53:11.000 Oh yeah, definitely we're gonna show him love.
00:53:12.000 We're gonna show him a lot of love.
00:53:13.000 That's the most Puerto Rican man.
00:53:16.000 Do you recognize that building behind him?
00:53:18.000 Let me see.
00:53:20.000 That's near the empanada place.
00:53:23.000 Oh, with the blue thing?
00:53:24.000 Yeah.
00:53:24.000 Oh yeah.
00:53:25.000 They are in... We could look out the window at these guys.
00:53:27.000 They're out there right now.
00:53:29.000 You know, like they do in other states.
00:53:31.000 We definitely need to see Trump here.
00:53:32.000 There's nothing but love for Donald Trump here in the South Bronx, the North Bronx, the East Bronx, and the West Bronx.
00:53:38.000 We want Trump to come back.
00:53:40.000 Please, bro.
00:53:41.000 Biden, get out of here, bro.
00:53:42.000 I will come to the rally and support Trump because the Bronx need a change and we need somebody that's really going to help this community.
00:53:51.000 You know what?
00:53:52.000 We're going to give teeth to everybody.
00:53:53.000 Free teeth.
00:53:55.000 Fuck cell phones.
00:53:58.000 You know,
00:54:00.000 Antifa loves to come to the Upper West Side and the Upper East Side because they're fighting old ladies, but I don't really see them swarming the South Bronx.
00:54:09.000 No.
00:54:10.000 I don't see them taking the train.
00:54:13.000 Definitely come to a Trump rally in the South Bronx.
00:54:15.000 I like him.
00:54:16.000 You do?
00:54:17.000 Yes.
00:54:17.000 Yes, I will come to a rally if President Trump was to come to the Bronx.
00:54:21.000 And I also would bring other people to come too and support him.
00:54:24.000 Would Joe Biden get a warm reception if he came to the Bronx?
00:54:27.000 No, he wouldn't have.
00:54:28.000 And I'll make sure of that.
00:54:29.000 Wait, no, he wouldn't have?
00:54:32.000 I'll make sure that I'll beat that motherfucker up.
00:54:35.000 Next, in the South Bronx, New York, I'm Cara Castronova.
00:54:41.000 What do you think?
00:54:43.000 I think she's pretty, but not my type.
00:54:47.000 That's all our boys.
00:54:48.000 Gavin Wax, Newsmax, Cara.
00:54:52.000 Speaking of our boys, there's this weird, I believe the bigoted Brits would call them packies, but East Indians, they don't really, it's not cool to be East Indian.
00:55:03.000 Maybe there's too many of them.
00:55:04.000 People think of a poo.
00:55:06.000 So he puts a kefaya on and now he's Mr. Palestine and now it's more ethnically ambiguous and my brother is in the struggle.
00:55:15.000 And he really promotes anti-semitism.
00:55:18.000 Even though, but this guy, this guy's Bengali or something?
00:55:22.000 Jews are not part of your world, bro.
00:55:24.000 That's not a thing.
00:55:25.000 You're in fucking India.
00:55:27.000 So he comes here and now he's Mr. Middle Eastern and now he's Mr. Palestinian.
00:55:31.000 So, Elad is walking down the street and this fucking lunatic, what's his name?
00:55:37.000 Alvin Dan, which is definitely not his real name.
00:55:40.000 It's probably like Al-vi-dan-to-be.
00:55:43.000 Chaputi!
00:55:43.000 Hey buddy, what are you doing, you lad?
00:56:01.000 As an 80s kid, I'm just like, can you just fight please?
00:56:05.000 It's like too much foreplay.
00:56:06.000 And it's scary too because... You're gonna cum in your pants if you guys don't fuck soon.
00:56:20.000 The longer you keep this, I hate you, confrontation energy and not fight, then you don't see anything coming when it does come.
00:56:27.000 Or you would be less aware of when it does come.
00:56:29.000 Because sucker punches can start coming out.
00:56:32.000 Just get it over with.
00:56:33.000 He's a pussy, he doesn't have a knife.
00:56:35.000 You push him like far away.
00:56:36.000 This isn't like a Rat Kang from the Projects who's gonna have no qualms about stabbing you in the neck.
00:56:43.000 It'll be a good old-fashioned brawl.
00:56:51.000 These two have a long history, too.
00:56:53.000 Another reason to kick his ass.
00:56:55.000 It's not like a random stranger.
00:56:57.000 Fight!
00:57:00.000 Fight!
00:57:00.000 He does not put the pal in Palestine, I'll tell you that much.
00:57:03.000 I swear to God!
00:57:05.000 I wouldn't have the phone out.
00:57:16.000 Well, you got him on tape, so put the phone away now.
00:57:19.000 Fuck up!
00:57:20.000 Stop fucking following me!
00:57:21.000 Jews need to be a little more aggressive.
00:57:24.000 This is what's so interesting with the Israeli-Palestine conflict.
00:57:27.000 Palestinians are low IQ, high T, and when I say high T, I mean not just high T, like inbred savages who married their first cousin, so maniacal T, retard strength.
00:57:39.000 And then Jews, right next door, these particular Jews, exact opposite.
00:57:44.000 Super high IQ, super low T. And that's what's great about terrorism, too.
00:57:49.000 You throw one rocket in, and the Israelis are like, what are we gonna do?
00:57:54.000 Like, for example, the Palestinians who come across every day to work, yes, that happens, they would get sniffed by dogs.
00:58:02.000 And they're like, don't like it!
00:58:04.000 Don't like the dog!
00:58:05.000 No, no, no, dog!
00:58:06.000 And instead, everybody's going, fuck you.
00:58:08.000 They go, oh, he doesn't like dogs.
00:58:10.000 What are we, again, are they coming through and they don't like the dogs?
00:58:13.000 So they invent a fan system where a tube goes next to the guy.
00:58:18.000 That air goes up around away from, so you don't see the dog.
00:58:21.000 Then it goes around the corner and then the dog is there.
00:58:24.000 Whoa.
00:58:25.000 Like, dude, stop kowtowing.
00:58:29.000 And so this might be the same thing.
00:58:32.000 Yeah.
00:58:34.000 What's his name?
00:58:35.000 Alvin Dan.
00:58:36.000 He appears to be low IQ, high T. And I know Elad is high IQ.
00:58:40.000 I'm not familiar with his T, but I'm not liking it right now.
00:58:43.000 He's an ass slapper.
00:58:44.000 He slapped my ass.
00:58:45.000 Oh, really?
00:58:45.000 Hard?
00:58:47.000 Yeah.
00:58:48.000 In the DC thing.
00:58:48.000 He was like, hey, how you doing?
00:58:49.000 I was like, oh!
00:58:51.000 And that was after I got the dildo slapped in my butt, so it hurt.
00:58:54.000 Did you cum?
00:58:57.000 Maybe.
00:58:58.000 Secrets.
00:59:01.000 So that keeps going there's no there's no money shot there but 2-4.
00:59:06.000 Back at 2-4?
00:59:09.000 This is the history this is so Elad walked into a a hipster bar and Alvin Dan same guy said get the fuck out of here Jew.
00:59:17.000 I don't know if that's not verbatim but that was basically the sentiment.
00:59:21.000 He said I know who you are you're Elad.
00:59:23.000 Why type all that out when you could just use the word journalist?
00:59:27.000 Okay, pun moratorium, please.
00:59:31.000 Pun pause.
00:59:31.000 Ladies and gentlemen, harasses patients trying to get representative health care at Planned Parenthood.
00:59:38.000 That's Elad, by the way.
00:59:40.000 No, why are you walking away?
00:59:42.000 That's Elad.
00:59:44.000 I cannot believe that.
00:59:46.000 I cannot believe it.
00:59:49.000 You have the balls to have a f***ing social life.
00:59:53.000 We should have the balls to have a social life.
00:59:54.000 That sounds ironic.
00:59:55.000 That sounds like something Elad would have to say.
00:59:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:59:57.000 That's his point.
00:59:58.000 Oh, God forbid we should have the balls to have a social life.
01:00:01.000 Yeah.
01:00:01.000 You just threw an interception.
01:00:04.000 Do not ever step in this neighborhood!
01:00:07.000 Ever!
01:00:07.000 Neighborhood?
01:00:08.000 What are you fucking- Get out of your fucking mind!
01:00:10.000 Now he just can't leave?
01:00:11.000 Yeah, man.
01:00:13.000 Yeah, I hope everyone- He should just come back with a strong magnet.
01:00:15.000 Look what he's done.
01:00:16.000 He's totally hidden his East Indian-ness and turned himself into every race that is oppressed.
01:00:21.000 We're good to go.
01:00:26.000 at their job this week.
01:00:27.000 That's what, you know, if you can't get a raise, if you can't get a better job, the least I can ask for y'all is to confront your fascists.
01:00:37.000 Confront your local fascists.
01:00:39.000 Yeah, Elad's a fascist.
01:00:41.000 You just said he shouldn't have a social life and isn't allowed in this community at all, this neighborhood at all.
01:00:47.000 That's fascism.
01:00:49.000 And Elad just asks people questions.
01:00:51.000 That's all he's ever done.
01:00:54.000 And that's fascism.
01:00:55.000 I mean, it's crazy.
01:00:59.000 Like, the unsuspected look on her face.
01:01:01.000 Like, she had no idea that she was about to go home with a f***ing proud Zionist who loves to show up at abortion clinic defenses to harass protesters.
01:01:13.000 Harass?
01:01:14.000 Ask them questions.
01:01:15.000 Look at his one thing overall in a pearl necklace.
01:01:19.000 What a nerd.
01:01:23.000 We've got a couple calls.
01:01:25.000 There's one more there.
01:01:28.000 Just so you can really see who he is.
01:01:30.000 Alvin Dunn.
01:01:31.000 Is he Orthodox?
01:01:33.000 No, he's saying that, you know, we should respect the Palestinian babies because it's the Christian thing to do and they're all the same.
01:01:41.000 Look at his face.
01:01:45.000 See?
01:01:45.000 Oh shit, buddy.
01:01:48.000 You either buy something or leave.
01:01:50.000 It's not a library, buddy.
01:01:52.000 Black liberation, free the Congo.
01:01:54.000 See, he's sort of muddying the waters of his ethnicity.
01:01:57.000 Maybe I'm Congolese.
01:01:59.000 This all stemmed from when Elad got a Slurpee and then refilled it without paying for the supersize.
01:02:07.000 Okay, let's take one call and then we'll get behind the paywall.
01:02:11.000 Yes, bastard buddies.
01:02:12.000 You, fuck you, bloody!
01:02:14.000 You fuckin' fuckin' buddy!
01:02:17.000 You're a donkey!
01:02:19.000 Okay, I'm a donkey.
01:02:21.000 That's not an insult here.
01:02:22.000 9-0-5.
01:02:23.000 Eddie Murphy's a donkey.
01:02:26.000 Hey, Shrek!
01:02:28.000 That's it.
01:02:28.000 Ready to connect.
01:02:29.000 Click connect to show now.
01:02:31.000 You are connected as the host.
01:02:33.000 Good.
01:02:33.000 That's what I wanted to do.
01:02:35.000 You are now in the host room and can manage your colors behind the scenes.
01:02:39.000 I did that before.
01:02:39.000 It must have booted me off.
01:02:41.000 9-0-5.
01:02:42.000 Big fuckin' tits!
01:02:44.000 Big fuckin' tits!
01:02:46.000 Big fuckin' tits!
01:02:48.000 Big fuckin' tits!
01:02:50.000 Big fuckin' tits!
01:02:54.000 I'm gonna cum.
01:02:55.000 I'm gonna cum.
01:02:58.000 I got some drinking and driving tips I want to share with you guys.
01:03:03.000 Okay.
01:03:05.000 So, when I'm drinking and driving, I either drink a tall can of Pabst or a bottle of Pabst.
01:03:12.000 And what I do, is in my center console, I keep two bottles that look like what I'm drinking, but aren't.
01:03:20.000 So for the tall can, I'll carry like a tall can of Pepsi.
01:03:24.000 And for the beer bottle, I'll carry like a cola that looks like a beer.
01:03:30.000 That way, if anyone pulls me over and they say,
01:03:34.000 I think I saw you drinking a beer.
01:03:35.000 What was that?
01:03:37.000 I can pull up my Pepsi or my soda and be like, it's just this, officer.
01:03:41.000 It's just this, officer.
01:03:43.000 And it covers your breath.
01:03:44.000 What are you, Emo Phillips, when you get pulled over?
01:03:46.000 I don't know why you pulled me over, officer.
01:03:50.000 So when you said drunk driving, I thought you meant getting in the car after drinking, but you mean like cruising down the road with beers.
01:03:58.000 Oh yeah, no, no, I don't, I don't, I'm against drunk driving, but I like drinking and driving.
01:04:03.000 Right, yeah, well that, that's a thing.
01:04:05.000 Two, three beers on a road trip, that's nothing, but uh, yeah, no, don't drink when you're, don't drive when you're drunk, but just to cover your ass.
01:04:12.000 That's a great tip.
01:04:13.000 I want to get the top tips on it, but uh, stop taking calls on the Thursdays, so.
01:04:18.000 Yeah, no, I appreciate it, thanks for calling, Merry Christmas.
01:04:21.000 No, thank you for calling, Merry Christmas.
01:04:23.000 Ah, too late, I gotcha.
01:04:25.000 You've been thanked, fuckface.
01:04:27.000 John was saying his tips for drunk driving are if you get into a crash I'm not advocating for this but you say you're disoriented and you just run away and you somehow get home and then when the cops come and they breathalyze you you say oh no I hadn't been drinking I
01:04:44.000 When I got home, I had a drink because my nerves were shattered.
01:04:47.000 Because I don't know, I think I hit my head and I kind of blacked out and I didn't know where I was.
01:04:50.000 I was totally disoriented and scared.
01:04:53.000 I don't know.
01:04:54.000 I got this psychosis where I thought someone was trying to kill me or something.
01:04:57.000 It was one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
01:04:59.000 I must have like rattled my brain somehow.
01:05:01.000 And just make it all about the brain thing, not the drink thing.
01:05:04.000 Yeah.
01:05:05.000 But I smell booze on your breath.
01:05:06.000 Yeah, I know.
01:05:07.000 I just had a fireball because I was freaked out.
01:05:09.000 I'm trying to calm my nerves.
01:05:10.000 Has that ever happened to you?
01:05:12.000 And if they pull you over and they ask you, have you been drinking?
01:05:15.000 Just say, never say like I had one or two.
01:05:17.000 You can't give them.
01:05:18.000 I think the best advice we ever got from John was give your lawyer stuff to work with.
01:05:24.000 Like, no, I haven't been drinking.
01:05:26.000 I don't feel that's because saying you've had one drink is giving their lawyer something to work with.
01:05:30.000 And you say things like, I don't feel well.
01:05:32.000 You're making me stressed out.
01:05:33.000 I'm disoriented.
01:05:34.000 I don't know where I am.
01:05:35.000 I'm pregnant and I'm about to miscarry.
01:05:37.000 Yeah.
01:05:38.000 And you take your pants off and piss yourself.
01:05:41.000 Yeah, that helps.
01:05:42.000 Be sure to piss yourself.
01:05:43.000 All right.
01:05:44.000 Hold the line, please.
01:05:45.000 Hold the line.
01:05:48.000 This is how we usually end the show.
01:05:52.000 I say what I'm about to say, and then we go behind the... No, then we leave.
01:05:58.000 So we're gonna go behind the paywall, hang out with our people now, catch up on some calls.
01:06:02.000 I got some more news items to discuss, including Lord of the Flies and Crip Mac.
01:06:10.000 But yeah, censored.tv, it's 10 bucks a month.
01:06:13.000 You can buy it as a present.
01:06:15.000 If you go to censored.tv right now, you'll see an ad at the top.
01:06:18.000 If you scroll along the thingamadoodles that describes the different packages you can get for Christmas.
01:06:23.000 Buy someone half a year, a year.
01:06:25.000 Can you do that?
01:06:26.000 Half of you will be sick.
01:06:27.000 I can't remember.
01:06:28.000 But you can buy different subscriptions for other people.
01:06:31.000 They can test it out.
01:06:32.000 I think we still have the one month thing where you can do it free for a month and then cancel if you're not enjoying yourself.
01:06:36.000 But we have new content every day, no matter what.
01:06:39.000 Including Christmas Day.
01:06:42.000 And, you know, it's not just going through the news.
01:06:45.000 We do green screens, we do Battle of the Bands, we talk about ten toughest dudes in history.
01:06:50.000 It's like our own little YouTube channel, and of course my show isn't the only show.
01:06:53.000 We've got Jim Goad and AIU, Atheism is Unstoppable, a million other shows.
01:07:01.000 Too many shows.
01:07:01.000 Josh the Cash, too many shows.
01:07:03.000 Who am I, I always forget, I'm always shocked at who I forget.
01:07:08.000 Elijah Schafer.
01:07:09.000 Elijah Schafer.
01:07:09.000 Drew Hernandez.
01:07:10.000 That's it.
01:07:11.000 Drew Hernandez.
01:07:12.000 Yeah, you can gift a month.
01:07:13.000 Go back.
01:07:14.000 You just said that would be awesome.
01:07:15.000 You gift one month for two.
01:07:16.000 No, gift six months.
01:07:17.000 That would be awesome.
01:07:18.000 Three months.
01:07:19.000 You get the whole year.
01:07:20.000 So, so far I have a month, three months.
01:07:21.000 So, I would consider that for Christmas.
01:07:24.000 You could have it, put it in a box, wrap the box, and then when they open the box it's a piece of paper and it says one free month of Censor.TV.
01:07:33.000 We're about to get a big update too where
01:07:36.000 I don't want to spoil too much, but you're going to be able to interact with us way more.
01:07:39.000 It's going to be very cool.
01:07:43.000 Okay, so.
01:07:45.000 Until next year, I would like to say to you freeloaders, the following.
01:07:54.000 Oh, I've got a great speech at the end of this episode, I'm not letting you hear though.
01:07:58.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:08:02.000 I don't know.