Dave Chappelle is back and better than ever, and he's got a story about a guy who thinks he's going to pick up dog feces in a park, and the guy's dog doesn't want to let it go.
Transcript
Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. You can also explore and interact with the transcripts here.
00:00:52.000That's the band that I was trying to remember for weeks and weeks.
00:01:18.000I know that they were Americans when they were outside of the bathroom, but I believe they were inside of the bathroom during this song, which means they're European.
00:01:27.000You want to know what happened to my eye, obviously.
00:01:29.000Dave, how did you not notice my eye, by the way?
00:03:29.000This was the third time, but it had already happened twice where I made the person go get a bag because they were just going to leave it there.
00:03:34.000Now, kids play on these fields and you're letting your dog leave a huge, it was a lab, a human-sized feces on a place where some kid is going to fall in it.
00:05:22.000Now, I should have said, the only way that line could have been better is if I said, and I, you and your dog s ⁇ the park and I punished you both.
00:06:24.000I don't think he punched me in the face.
00:06:26.000Now, there was a kerfuffle when we were sort of on the ground, and I think I scraped my nose On the pathway, but I don't remember getting punched in the face.
00:06:34.000Here is my theory: I think this is from my head butt.
00:06:38.000I think I went and it pushed my glasses into my face.
00:07:22.000And you have to dress up nice when you have a black eye or people think you're a murderer or you just cut out of Rikers.
00:07:29.000So I went to a friend's going away party at a country club yesterday and I had on a white suit with a pink shirt and a big pocket, big pocket square to sort of look as flamboyant as possible so they knew I wasn't a murderer.
00:07:43.000Anyway, a lot is going on in the news.
00:07:47.000Everyone's talking about this Bobby De Niro baby, this Robert De Niro thing.
00:07:52.000I kind of predicted, not that this would happen, but that we would be learning how weak actors are.
00:07:58.000I hate Goomba wise guys in movies who think that they're tough guys in real life.
00:08:23.000Lena Dunham's dad, another boomer who was just at the right place at the right time, totally and utterly talentless, but, you know, can talk the talk.
00:08:32.000And he did these disgusting, bizarre, crappy cartoons and built a career on it, became very wealthy.
00:08:39.000So you got to understand that actors, well, here, roll the tape, me.
00:08:44.000You see that Bronxdale poster behind me?
00:08:47.000You know what's funny about these tough guys, these New York tough guys who are in movies, these wise guys?
00:09:02.000Robert De Niro in Mean Streets, Robert De Niro's father was a flaming homosexual and he sent his son to the drama club where he learned improv and how to be an actor.
00:10:45.000So there's a massive storm there, Storm Irma.
00:10:47.000And during the chaos of this, De Niro is pushing through this holiday resort that's called something like Proud Palm Nobu or something like that.
00:11:13.000When slavery ended in 1832, the Codringtons granted the land back to the people of Barbuda.
00:11:19.000For nearly 200 years, descendants have passed the land down to their families.
00:11:22.000The communal land system was formally enshrined in the law in the 2007 Barbuda Land Act.
00:11:28.000The local Barbudans who we've met want to keep their land and maintain their way of life.
00:11:33.000But barely five months after Hurricane Irma hit, which was designated a category 5 ⁇ because there was no real assignation for a storm of such violence, ravaged the island the Prime Minister of Antigua and Barbuda Gaston Brown.
00:11:49.000Who until very recently had the best moustache in the land.
00:13:24.000You got to check out, by the way, if you want to see two of the most annoying-looking people, maybe in the world, check out the guys who demanded that that Christian violate his own religion and the guys who brought this to the court.
00:14:05.000Anyway, this third example is this woman who's in a J.K. Rowling play, and her story is that J.K. Rowling is all about visible minorities and gays and other people coming to the light and being proud of who they are.
00:14:21.000I'm pretty sure J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter because Harry Potter had no dad and she was homeless, her son I mean.
00:14:28.000And so she wanted him to create a fantasy world where he could pretend that he was magic and special and not some kid on welfare with no father.
00:14:36.000It has nothing to do with black people.
00:14:44.000One thing that's surprising about Harry Potter is that even though it's not as overtly political, like something like Angels in America, I sort of feel like there are moments in it, there are things that happen with people who may not, who must not be named, that have real resonance today, particularly in America.
00:15:01.000I really do believe that that's why this is resonating a lot at the moment.
00:15:04.000London, when it started, beautiful, and there was a moment we went, okay, this is the story we're telling.
00:15:10.000now two to three years later since we've opened in London to be here you go actually this story is getting deeper and deeper and deeper and we as all are We are so intellectually bereft of content and we read so little that we now pontificate about children's stories and try to inject all this deep meaning.
00:19:12.000You have to concede that when someone's eyebrows hate them, that we have a problem here.
00:19:17.000All right, so he did a talk and it was the Summit for Gender Equality.
00:19:23.000Can you imagine how tedious that must be?
00:19:25.000A bunch of globalist G7 leaders, a bunch of EU sycophants discussing gender equality in their various countries.
00:19:33.000I honestly would rather take a rat, pick up a rat that's alive, get my sort of eye teeth on its nose, and bite off its nose as it was like screeching and scratching me.
00:19:48.000I would rather do that, because at least it would be over fast, than go to this.
00:20:02.000And she goes, no, people paint them on, but no one sticks an eyebrow on their head.
00:20:06.000But anyway, he gets up there and he does one of his crazy stuttering speeches where he, sorry, he says a speech about gender equality and women.
00:20:21.000So he does one of those, and Trump just skips it.
00:20:24.000And look at him roll up like a boss after Justin Trudeau has done his silly meandering blurb.
00:21:19.000The school system in New York is terrible, and it's so bad that the only way to fix it is to burn it to the ground and build it back up with privatization with charter schools.
00:25:00.000But you can't hold a whole fraternity risk.
00:25:03.000I got up there and I had the same suit, and a lot of people are saying to me, Gavin, where did you get a suit that Otter wore in Animal House?
00:25:14.000And I am what's called a cheap rich guy.
00:25:17.000And us cheap rich guys in New York, we have these traveling tailors who come to town.
00:25:23.000You go in there, they measure you up, and then they go and build back to Hong Kong where the labor is cheap.
00:25:31.000And they build us the suits there and then FedEx them.
00:25:34.000So this shirt was FedExed to me, and then I just iron it when I get home.
00:25:39.000And they're called Nita Fashions, and by popular demand, I'm going to show you a little quick interview with my tailor, who provided me with that wonderful suit.
00:25:48.000All right, we're here at the hotel, and we're going to get the Otter's speech outfit from Animal House.
00:27:19.000Now, I remember last time I was here, we were talking about tailors in general, and you were saying that in America, the trade has kind of died.
00:27:27.000Correct, because it's dressed down, but for people in New York and Chicago and big cities, they still wear custom-made clothes.
00:27:36.000But as far as the actual tradesmen, it's hard to find tailors in America.
00:27:40.000Because very few people want to learn this trade.
00:31:55.000I guess something about the Balkans, something about mountainous regions where if you can't easily walk over to your neighbor, you start to resent that neighbor.
00:33:05.000Let's see this video she did about it and then we'll talk to her.
00:33:09.000The other thing that I want to point out is that borders in the Balkans are probably one of the least protected borders in Europe, if not even the least protected borders.
00:33:21.000It is so easy to cross from one country to another and therefore Slovenia has put up a fence in 2015 because people were just pouring in.
00:33:32.000The countries are already reinforcing border patrols.
00:35:36.000Is there a globalist conspiracy here where politicians are just bringing in foreigners because it's more votes for them and they don't care what happens to the country?
00:36:37.000So it could be like Hungary where they fight back, they build a wall, and they retain some sense of nationalism.
00:36:44.000Yeah, Hungary actually offered support to Slovenia that whatever happens, they got our back, and they're going to try to guide us into what they did.
00:36:54.000Because Slovenians, as far as I've seen, general public and the fact that Anti-Immigration Party won, we know what was going to happen if 50,000 people that are supposedly coming to Slovenia actually arrived to Slovenia.
00:37:38.000But my personal opinion is ever since we accepted Euro and entered European Union, everything went down because the wages went down and the prices went up.
00:37:50.000Ah, so Stalin's was originally to blame and communism, and now more globalism is to blame.
00:38:23.000At the beginning of this episode, I was talking about gays and Hollywood actors, and I implied that the two most annoying people in the world are, what are their names?
00:38:40.000I was not aware that there was actually two more people who are even more annoying than that gay couple.
00:38:48.000I don't think these gentlemen are gay, but I think, and I would like to thank my fellow Proud Boys for this, Uhuru, I think this might be the most annoying group of individuals and video ever made in the world, ever.
00:39:28.000Is it black people that made us cool in America?
00:39:31.000Because the only difference between us and Europe is they have no black people.
00:39:34.000And every time you meet them, they have stupid shoes on.
00:39:37.000They wear those puma shoes that look like ballet slippers, and they've got their little stress denim jeans, and they wear their little soccer things zipped up to here, and they'll have like some floppy bangs on that are with frosted tips or something, and some like orange-rimmed glasses.
00:40:31.000That's the Israeli Muslim who did that video about how awesome Africa is and how we could learn a lot from homeless people in Nambia because they designed a robot out of garbage using my power drill, by the way, that I invented.
00:40:46.000So I think the annoying community have, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if these guys know Mullins and Craig, if they know Charlie Craig and David Mullins.
00:40:55.000Maybe they're all part of the annoying community.
00:40:58.000They go around irritating people all over the world.
00:41:00.000Let's go back, see how much more we can take of this.
00:43:12.000And by the way, Casey Neustadt used to do this too, where he said, don't sit in some stupid job that you hate, you loser, blue-collar, plumber.
00:43:21.000Get on a jet ski and come with me to Dubai.
00:43:24.000And you're watching it going, I'm sure lots of plumbers wouldn't mind a fun week in Dubai riding jet skis.
00:43:29.000They can't afford it, you middle-class prat.