Ep 145 | No Fund Me! | Get Off My Lawn
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
166.07721
Summary
This week, we re talking about punk rock, the moon landing, and a song about a boatload of refugees. Also, the Italian prime minister says immigrants don t need to assimilate, and we talk about why this is a bad thing.
Transcript
00:00:57.000
Wait, that was a remarkably offensive and politically incorrect song from the Forgotten Rebels.
00:01:20.000
I believe it's talking about the Cambodian boat people of the 80s.
00:01:28.000
He since withdrew that statement and said, no, no, no, I heard some dumb racist jerk in a lineup at the grocery store.
00:01:45.000
That's the Forgotten Rebels surviving the era of apologies.
00:01:49.000
I remember being a little kid, like a teenager, and hearing that song and thinking, that's really offensive and really cool.
00:02:03.000
They have the Canadian, the British education system.
00:02:05.000
So when you hear punk bands, the lyrics are pretty good.
00:02:25.000
And then it goes, Gills peck flesh from rancid stiffs.
00:02:36.000
Gills peck flesh from rancid stiffs decaying on the deep blue sea.
00:02:49.000
The reason I chose that song, of course, is because we have boats and boats of shark food going all over the Mediterranean.
00:03:00.000
By the way, and I said this on my podcast the other day.
00:03:18.000
It's like Jim Gaffigan says, they came, would you like the fish when he's at the steakhouse?
00:03:23.000
And he goes, yeah, I'm going to forego the beef and go for something less good.
00:03:32.000
The myth of the babushka with the little child.
00:03:34.000
Ooh, I'm just looking for a place to plant more crops.
00:03:41.000
Just a bit of that extra land you have sitting there.
00:03:44.000
Yeah, they don't go on welfare and stay in our cities.
00:03:49.000
I was saying that to Anthony Kumi's girlfriend, who's a child, yesterday.
00:03:54.000
I'm like, she says new immigrants alone don't assimilate.
00:04:10.000
Wouldn't that be great if they learned our language and drank Coca-Cola and ate a cheeseburger?
00:04:16.000
And I'm in Anthony's house, and he's a WAP, of course, so there's big Greek columns everywhere.
00:04:20.000
And I'm like, the Greeks came, they brought us columns.
00:04:26.000
All this big, beautiful stonework you see was the Scottish architects and the Irish laborers building stuff.
00:04:36.000
Like American culture, rock and roll is angry black slaves on the drums and angry Irish slaves on the guitar.
00:04:45.000
And so American culture is an amalgam of all kinds of contributions.
00:04:50.000
And no, I don't count lawn care and being a nanny as a contribution.
00:04:54.000
You're just making teenagers economically impotent.
00:04:57.000
And they sit on the couch for the rest of their lives.
00:04:59.000
Anyway, wow, that coffee's really got me cooking.
00:05:02.000
So a big boat full of refugees, and they show up in Italy and they go, hi, we're no longer shark food and we'd like to stay here and go on welfare and ruin your country.
00:05:16.000
Well, they haven't left the EU, but they have a right-wing party and they just said no.
00:05:22.000
And guess what the Italian government said when it arrived in Spain?
00:05:30.000
The Italian prime minister said he saw it as a victory.
00:05:34.000
Is he a prime minister or a president up there?
00:05:43.000
I want to make something crystal clear on this show.
00:05:46.000
Everyone who watches this show, everyone in the world, when I'm dictator, there's going to be like three beers.
00:05:59.000
And glitter beer, well, I will start murdering people.
00:06:03.000
I will throw you from the helicopter if you even think of glitter beer.
00:06:11.000
And the second someone goes, I don't know, I might want to try it, sploosh, you die.
00:06:31.000
We're going to a crack house basically to do drugs.
00:06:38.000
I'm doing a drug to harm myself and I want it to be as pure and unscented as possible.
00:06:44.000
So I want my maker's mark on the rocks at best.
00:06:53.000
Women don't want to drink booze because their bodies are temples and they make babies in them.
00:06:58.000
So they have to Trojan horse it in with a fruity drink with an umbrella and some glitter.
00:07:01.000
They're lying to their bodies to get the booze in.
00:07:09.000
I have a tattoo of an ass on my ass and that ass has a tattoo of an ass on its ass.
00:07:20.000
If you like glitter beer, turn off this show, cancel your subscription, I will pay you back.
00:07:34.000
Before that, though, no, we'll get to that later.
00:07:37.000
We'll put the menstrual cup in with the cannibalism of the left because it just is another example of Trump derangement syndrome.
00:07:51.000
The real beef with Donald Trump is, by the way, and this is why he won.
00:07:54.000
Despite his divorces, he represents, and I don't know why this is, but he represents a family man.
00:08:00.000
We see him with his sons and we go, that's what we need.
00:08:03.000
John Stossel was just tweeting on Father's Day that we had more fathers at home before the welfare state.
00:08:08.000
And I think Americans recognize that the real issue here is dads.
00:08:14.000
Blacks, yes, they are disproportionately represented in the crime stats.
00:08:18.000
They weren't committing those crimes back in the 30s, 40s, and 50s because dad was at home.
00:08:27.000
We need more black families, more white families, more families intact.
00:08:31.000
And no, Mexicans aren't better at the family than white people.
00:08:34.000
They have more children out of wedlock than whites.
00:08:37.000
I don't know where they got this reputation of being these great family men.
00:08:42.000
So Donald Trump posts a picture of that, and there's a huge backlash, just like when Ivanka Trump had a picture holding her son and kissing him, she got attacked.
00:08:50.000
And the attack, of course, is because Trump is separating families.
00:09:05.000
Obama separated way more dads from their kids than Trump has.
00:09:15.000
And by the way, a lot of these Mexicans, they use children on purpose because it tends to lead to a catch and release.
00:09:27.000
They will just bring someone else's kids, hoping it'll lead to a catch and release.
00:09:31.000
Well, no, we treat immigrants, illegal immigrants, the same way Haiti does, the same way Mexico does, the same way Zimbabwe does.
00:09:40.000
Every country in the world deports their illegals.
00:09:42.000
And in pretty much every country in the world, illegal immigration is a huge issue.
00:09:48.000
How unfortunate for these kids your dad hides in cages.
00:09:51.000
There's no Father's Day for them, unlike your little monsters.
00:09:55.000
That's what someone was saying to the Donald Trump Jr. picture.
00:10:04.000
And I think it's because their dad wasn't around because they are the children of divorce.
00:10:08.000
A big part of the hatred of Donald Trump is anger at their own fathers for leaving them.
00:10:24.000
It's just when they get here, they have become a complete mess.
00:10:28.000
So I'm sorry that your dad sucked, but you suck even worse.
00:10:31.000
And that brings us, of course, to the woman who dumped her menstrual cup.
00:10:41.000
We invent these wonderful things for you, ladies.
00:10:44.000
I'll just use the thing that you keep ketchup in.
00:10:47.000
So she sticks that on her vagina, fills it up, and then dumps it on a star, a Donald Trump star.
00:10:58.000
Like, you think you're blaspheming the Great Wall of Bethlehem or something?
00:11:03.000
Yeah, like, I understand throwing menstrual blood at, like, in, in, in the church where Jesus was born, throwing it on that.
00:11:15.000
I don't even know if Donald Trump showed up to his own, whatever it was, christening, where they launched a star.
00:11:24.000
Also, if he was Hitler, wouldn't she be in jail right now?
00:11:28.000
But anyway, look at this big, fat, disgusting pig who dumps her menstrual blood.
00:11:40.000
Keep sitting there with your saggy tits hanging out, smoking a cigarette and dumping menstrual blood everywhere.
00:11:46.000
It is the best possible thing you could do to get Trump re-elected.
00:11:50.000
Now, I have noticed with this Trump derangement syndrome, these people are cannibalizing themselves now.
00:11:58.000
One of my favorite examples of this is some gay dude.
00:12:02.000
He has a bumper sticker and it says, love Trump's hate.
00:12:11.000
And this guy, I think because the word hate is slightly less dark than Love Trump's, his TDS, his Trump derangement syndrome, just goes, love, Trump, and starts destroying the guy's windshield wipers.
00:12:32.000
Okay, I just came out of my car from Meyer grocery store in St. Charles, Illinois.
00:12:51.000
The guy who saw that sticker is so insane that he didn't make it to the S of Trump's.
00:13:13.000
I came out of my car, to my car, to find this situation going on on my front.
00:13:20.000
Somebody had twisted the ends of my windshield wipers to the point where I could not repair them.
00:13:29.000
And also this beautiful note that says, still love Trump.
00:13:35.000
This is St. Charles, Illinois, a quiet sibling.
00:13:39.000
See, they don't, I've used this analogy a few times, but say there was a Nazi skinhead rally, and they had a bunch of Nazi skinhead bands, and everyone there was a Nazi skinhead.
00:13:49.000
I promise you, there would be tons of fights at that rally, because that's what they do.
00:14:03.000
So they're eventually going to start biting each other if they don't have enough prey.
00:14:13.000
The B in LGBT, by the way, there's many more letters.
00:14:22.000
Now, I'm just going to sit back here and relax while you try to understand this because it took me, I'm going to say five minutes of staring before the penny dropped here.
00:14:43.000
So to say you're bisexual, bi, of course, is Latin for two, that's offensive.
00:15:00.000
Bi is a girl who makes out with another girl because it makes boys horny in college when everyone is at their peak.
00:15:07.000
There's no bi 45-year-olds when everyone's ugly.
00:15:13.000
So let's just, while we're dropping the B, let's drop the T in the Q. It's LG, lesbians and gays.
00:15:19.000
You guys, you are associating with mentally ill people.
00:15:23.000
Just take the LG and go do your own thing and let these nuts fight amongst themselves.
00:15:27.000
Speaking of which, this is my favorite one, possibly ever.
00:15:32.000
This might be my favorite cannibalism of the left ever done because it involves two gay dudes.
00:15:44.000
You know, John Roberts on Bob's Burgers, the mom on Bob's Burgers?
00:15:47.000
The reason he got that gig is because he had a viral video that was him doing his mom.
00:16:04.000
And a lot of gay dudes are into doing their mom because they probably hang out with her an inordinate amount of time.
00:16:09.000
So this guy does his, I assume his mom or his aunt or his Philly mom.
00:16:19.000
This is this character, comedy character he does.
00:16:43.000
Stuck at Acami on Morton Avenue in Folsom, where I work.
00:16:50.000
If you're going to do a character like that and you're going to look that ridiculous, the character has to be totally over the top.
00:17:00.000
Like, she seems like a nice lady to have a beer with.
00:17:04.000
Like, when you're doing a character, it should be someone that's Andrew Dice Claire.
00:17:08.000
You go, that would be weird to hang out with her.
00:17:14.000
A trans person found that character offensive, so he was forced to stop doing his routine and leave the stage and leave the venue.
00:18:01.000
You like to go down on girls more often than straight men?
00:18:05.000
You're like, it's like a lesbian with a built-in strap on.
00:18:10.000
I have my own dildo connected to my body that gets turgid when I'm sexually aroused.
00:18:19.000
No, you're an ugly man with short hair, with ridiculous cartoonish bangs.
00:18:26.000
So anyway, that male lesbian decided he was offended by Mary Pat and they are happy to oblige.
00:18:31.000
Look, guys, if you are in a company that has an HR department, here's what you do.
00:18:41.000
You get a black friend, you bring him into the HR office, holding hands, and you say, look, I trust you.
00:18:57.000
So I want to make sure everything is sort of kept quiet here at work.
00:19:01.000
I thought I'd tell you about it because you're so smart.
00:19:05.000
That will put a perpetual force field around you.
00:19:08.000
You also sort of hint that if you were to get outed, you'd be forced to sue the company because you'd need monetary compensation because you will have ruined our lives and maybe our marriage.
00:19:21.000
We had a special civil union that you can't disprove.
00:19:29.000
Every time, Like the HR sees you, you can sort of wink at them, like that's our little secret.
00:19:34.000
Then you go, but then everyone will think I'm gay at work.
00:19:37.000
You shouldn't be screwing anyone at work anyway.
00:19:41.000
It gets weird when you dump them, and then she's there working on a project with you, like, hello, Gavin.
00:20:01.000
That woman with the beard, this lesbian with the penis wants you out of here.
00:20:09.000
So those are my favorite cannibalisms of the left that happened this weekend.
00:20:13.000
I also want to talk about this, and it's sort of all part of the same weak men, just terrible society.
00:20:31.000
Like, I told you earlier, they're not supposed to be drunk.
00:20:42.000
A prosecutor is in tears today as she apologizes for the Uber meltdown that got her fired.
00:20:54.000
I've looked this up, and I'm not saying this for sure, but I think this Twitter follower is a guy named Sean Platte A or something.
00:21:04.000
He appears to be a male model who is not paying his bills.
00:21:09.000
In other words, there's a lot of evidence that A, that's the guy, the Twitter guy I found, and B, that he actually is an imbecile.
00:21:17.000
I mean, you don't get much stupider than male model, right?
00:21:20.000
They did a whole movie about it called Zoolander.
00:21:25.000
Jody Warner lost it when an Uber driver asked her to get out of his car.
00:21:30.000
Ma'am, I ended the ride and I asked you politely to step out of the car.
00:21:41.000
The driver, Sean Platt, recorded the meltdown on his does he not look like an idiot?
00:21:45.000
He says 32-year-old Warner was drunk when she climbed into his Uber.
00:21:49.000
By the way, a beautiful young lady at three in the morning, she shouldn't be dropped off on some random side street.
00:22:03.000
And then she became angry, said, why couldn't I follow the expletive GPS?
00:22:11.000
He pulled over and asked her to get out, which she refused.
00:22:20.000
Either drop me off at my house or we'll wait for the cops.
00:22:24.000
I want to go home so badly, but you're so stupid.
00:22:27.000
I want the cops to come so that they can you up.
00:22:38.000
There's no excuse for anyone to talk the way that I did.
00:22:44.000
Sean Platt, if you're out there, you're a douche.
00:22:48.000
And for the record, I'm always on the side of the guy yelling.
00:22:51.000
Like, I was skiing recently, a few months ago, and this 14-year-old goes careening into this guy.
00:23:02.000
He goes up in the air and his feet over, what's it called?
00:23:11.000
He kicks the kid and everyone's going, hey, hey, hey, relax, relax.
00:23:22.000
Two generations ago, 14, you'd move from Sicily and go to America and start a barbershop in the Bronx when you were 14.
00:23:36.000
I'm always there to make sure they don't go off into the forest or making a guy do a 360.
00:23:41.000
And then the guy took his ski and whipped it down the stairs, the kids' ski.
00:23:51.000
This guy, some kid's on his goddamn phone, and this guy swerves around him and goes onto a field and he starts screaming at the guy.
00:23:59.000
And everyone's first instinct is, it's just a kid, don't yell.
00:24:10.000
Isn't it amazing how much you can hate someone without even seeing him?
00:24:46.000
I want to move to a Middle Eastern country so I can start chopping people's hands off.
00:25:18.000
If there's a time to yell, it's when some kid is not paying attention and almost kills two people, including himself.
00:25:25.000
When are you allowed to yell if you can't yell then?
00:25:30.000
It's into the dictionary under when it's time to yell, when someone almost gets you killed with their own stupid negligence.
00:25:47.000
It seems like the only ones yelling and throwing down and getting tough are women.
00:25:58.000
I want to do a segment right now To talk about women's self-defense and how ridiculous all these stupid moves are where you throw down and you hit him in the balls and you take his knife and you flip him over your head.
00:26:15.000
As you can see, I'm a badass fighter, and I'm here to show you some basic moves you can do if some giant guy who's super lazy and doesn't really want to rape you tries to rape you.
00:26:28.000
The first thing, the most common one is he comes at you with a gun, you grab the outside of his hand, and you twist it around, and then you stand on that, and then you kick him in the balls, and then you shove him.
00:26:41.000
Now, one of the best ways to do that is to have rock and roll music playing really loud, and to do it super fast.
00:27:33.000
I mean, it is probably a good idea to go by this face.
00:27:48.000
And ideally, have a gun in your person and shoot him in his face.
00:27:54.000
Bring the whole body to the office, it's like, I am convinced that these things that these women make up, all these moves, are just sort of made up by someone who's never been in a fight.
00:28:24.000
This whole idea of you grabbing this part and twisting that, you're just trying to stay alive.
00:28:29.000
Boxing, fighting, is like playing pool while someone throws bowling balls at you and trying to get it.
00:28:36.000
Like even punching a person in a face is a major challenge.
00:28:47.000
Even in boxing, even in the ring, in sparring, you're always missing.
00:28:51.000
That's why they practice with a double end bag going.
00:28:55.000
The idea of you grabbing a certain part of his body is not going to happen.
00:29:01.000
All of this self-defense crap that these women take is not making them safer.
00:29:06.000
It's making them less safe because it's convincing them that there's some sort of ninjas and there's some sort of secret sweet spots where you can just and kill him.
00:29:20.000
Check out this other video where these MMA guys, they try to recreate some of these crazy rock and roll moves.
00:29:34.000
And today we are going to try to get some techniques from a self-defense video.
00:29:40.000
This is a certain type of dude who was a nerd who got picked on in high school.
00:29:49.000
And now he's a murderer, but he still has that nerd in him.
00:29:53.000
So he says, hey, my name is Randy, and this is my guide here.
00:29:59.000
I'm still involved in the comic book arts, but I could also rip your eyes out with my toes.
00:30:07.000
It's a weird combination of badass murderer and nerd.
00:30:13.000
They have all kinds of knife techniques that they could sever all your tendons with.
00:30:18.000
Okay, so let's go ahead there, Indian from the reservation on Ukdayuktuk.
00:30:24.000
And we're really excited to see how these techniques work against a resisting opponent.
00:30:34.000
My name is Lena Marty here with Rip Fitness to teach you guys a few moves on self-defense.
00:30:42.000
So she's like a slightly masculine, super hot chick.
00:30:48.000
She probably played touch football in high school.
00:30:50.000
And she's got this demeanor where she's like the badass.
00:30:54.000
And I swear to God, all of these women's self-defense videos are the same.
00:30:58.000
It's the tomboy who, I don't know, she's the big sister and had a bunch of little brothers or something.
00:31:07.000
But all of these moves they show are dance moves.
00:31:11.000
She's showing you a form of dance called self-defense.
00:31:17.000
It's just a thing you do to feel tough at the gym.
00:31:29.000
Look how weak you have to be as a man for these things to work.
00:31:34.000
It's for lazy rapists who don't really want to be there.
00:31:38.000
If you get attacked by an apathetic racist, I mean rapist and racist, who just wants to go home and isn't really into it, if you're really unattractive and this guy was forced to rape you as a dare, but he really doesn't want to be there, try these moves.
00:31:52.000
Push on his knee and go skidding across the floor like you're on a slipping slide.
00:31:59.000
It's like movies where they go and the guys all just go, oh, I've been instantly knocked out.
00:32:04.000
But check out Spider Nerd here dealing with his Ukrainian counterpart.
00:32:16.000
Wait, you're supposed to just scooch along the floor.
00:32:51.000
When they like, crab McGraw, that is really thing.
00:32:55.000
But most of Crab McGraw is just like in the eyes and bite the face.
00:33:03.000
Imagine you, you, you know that video where they're running down a hill, a cheese hill in Britain.
00:33:08.000
There was a competition and you could win a big round of cheese.
00:33:10.000
It's like a 5,000-year-old thing where they run down a hill and they keep falling.
00:33:14.000
Imagine you are running down a hill like that with bumps and flips and you have to recite the Star-Spangled Banner.
00:33:20.000
Like there's no, maybe if you were the flash and everything was in slow motion, you could start selecting individual parts of it.
00:33:33.000
You just, half the time you don't even know who won till after.
00:33:36.000
I thought I won the fight with the dog poo guy and I woke up with a black eye the next day.
00:33:42.000
And you're gonna bring this hip forward and you're gonna power out this way.
00:34:03.000
All of these wrist twist things imply that you're made of grease.
00:34:10.000
It implies you're made of stone, and you can just grab a wrist and you won't lose your grip.
00:34:17.000
It feels like you're shaking hands with a bird's head.
00:34:24.000
They keep coming up with a better move in the middle of her dance move.
00:34:32.000
Ladies, please don't get overconfident when you take these dumb dance moves.
00:34:41.000
You want to grab the wrists and you want to kind of push down.
00:34:44.000
You want to drive right knee, left knee, and knee.
00:34:47.000
Even in the demonstration, she doesn't go near the stomach.
00:34:53.000
Okay, we're going to attempt the defense against that two-handed rubber.
00:34:59.000
I've never, how do you knee someone in the stomach?
00:35:01.000
I've seen it in Muay Thai, where they go like that when they're in a hold.
00:35:16.000
Look, the reason I'm bringing all this up is because there's a general point here.
00:35:21.000
And the point is feminism has empowered these women way beyond their means.
00:35:29.000
When you tell them that they can beat up a rapist and they walk around their Lululemons like they're ready to throw down, they end up getting the crap beaten out of them.
00:35:37.000
We see them at demonstrations all the time with Antifa saying, let's do this.
00:35:45.000
If a big guy comes out, you don't grab his wrist.
00:35:54.000
Speaking of bomb the boats and feeding the fish, I am sick of these Filipinos.
00:36:01.000
Yes, that includes Michelle Malkin, the Filipina.
00:36:04.000
I am sick of these island people coming here and buying all our groceries.
00:36:17.000
Bookstores, Walmart, clothing stores, because immigrants keep buying all our stuff.
00:36:29.000
All these retailers and grocery store owners going, stop buying so much.
00:36:33.000
It reminds me of an episode of the show, Wife Swap.
00:36:38.000
Before there were celebrities, it would just be like different couples.
00:36:41.000
And this woman comes, or maybe it was Super Nanny, actually.
00:36:47.000
And they come with this dumb construction paper thing where they draw a wheel and they write all the things they hate about their partner and in order of importance.
00:36:55.000
So the outside is sort of little things and the main inside is like, he beats the crap out of me.
00:37:01.000
But one of the things this woman wrote on her little construction wheel about obese with her husband was, he eats too much.
00:37:08.000
And it became a running joke with my wife and I because I understand like he's obese and he's dying, but the guy wasn't fat.
00:37:18.000
Who cares, as long as you're not unhealthy, how much you eat?
00:37:23.000
Who cares how much groceries, assuming it's not food stamps, and it doesn't look like food stamps in this case, they look like middle-class immigrants.
00:37:33.000
Who cares how much groceries immigrants legally buy with their own money?
00:37:43.000
This is some of the funniest bigotry I've ever seen.
00:38:03.000
If that beef, Licky Licky, was like, me love you long time, if she's saying that Filipinas are prostitutes and she doesn't want them in the country because prostitutes shatter marriages, I kind of see the logic there.
00:38:17.000
I don't think the Bay Area has a Filipina prostitution problem, but say that hypothetically it was.
00:38:24.000
I could see a grandma going, you know, my husband uses Filipina prostitutes.
00:38:30.000
That's got a semblance of logic to it, at least.
00:38:48.000
I would like to speak on behalf of all grocery store owners.
00:39:02.000
Please buy 10 full shopping carts of just tomatoes.
00:39:07.000
Don't worry, I'll get more tomatoes the next day.
00:39:12.000
And tell you what, if it gets too crazy, I will build an extension.
00:39:21.000
And that goes for everyone in every business, by the way.
00:40:05.000
From now on, we hate people who buy too many groceries.