Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 30, 2018


Ep 162 | Walk Of Shame | Get Off My Lawn


Episode Stats


Length

38 minutes

Words per minute

181.00949

Word count

6,993

Sentence count

582

Harmful content

Misogyny

20

sentences flagged

Hate speech

24

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin and Ryan talk about the latest trends in music and technology, and the weird things they do in their spare time. Plus, a new segment called 'In My Feelings' with special guest Ashton Witty!

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:07.000 Trap, trap, money, bunny.
00:00:11.000 This shit got me in my fist.
00:00:14.000 Gotta be real with it.
00:00:16.000 Yep.
00:00:17.000 Oh, live from New York.
00:00:21.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
00:00:25.000 And I need you.
00:00:26.000 And I'm down for you.
00:00:29.000 Do you love me?
00:00:30.000 Are you riding?
00:00:35.000 That seems super quiet.
00:00:38.000 Are you sure that was loud enough?
00:00:41.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
00:00:41.000 Hi, folks.
00:00:44.000 That was in my feelings.
00:00:46.000 Ryan, I just sent you some videos, emailed you some videos.
00:00:49.000 But that's so, you old folks aren't as cool as me. 1.00
00:00:52.000 I'm down with all the latest trends.
00:00:54.000 And the latest hot trend is to play that Drake song and then have someone who's driving a car slowly coast along as you say, so you love me.
00:01:09.000 You be by my side, and you do a little dance that's to the song.
00:01:14.000 And it's gone viral.
00:01:16.000 It's the hot thing to do.
00:01:18.000 I've got a couple examples.
00:01:19.000 Here is a 10 doing it, jumping out of her car while the song plays.
00:01:25.000 You can enjoy her buttocks and also learn what I'm talking about. 1.00
00:01:31.000 You know what is weird about this particular clip?
00:01:34.000 I'm so sexist that I'm more annoyed by her, her mannerisms, and the way she moves than her incredible sexiness. 1.00
00:01:46.000 So my own bias overtakes my libido.
00:01:50.000 And I'm just kind of irritated by her.
00:01:54.000 I don't like the way she moves.
00:01:54.000 I don't know.
00:01:56.000 Now I know how gay you see women. 1.00
00:01:58.000 Although that part is hard to say.
00:02:02.000 The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing women that leggings are not nudity. 0.99
00:02:07.000 You're just wearing nylons.
00:02:10.000 You're wearing your Lululemon leggings.
00:02:12.000 It's exactly like you had orange.
00:02:14.000 Actually, it's like you're nude.
00:02:16.000 Except you, I can't see the actual hole.
00:02:19.000 So she's as nude.
00:02:21.000 She's as naked as if she had just painted her legs orange. 0.73
00:02:27.000 And I'm not complaining.
00:02:28.000 I'm a pervert.
00:02:28.000 I love it.
00:02:29.000 So the fact that you dumb ladies are walking around nude with various colored legs, I'm not complaining, but if I had suggested it, you would have got mad. 1.00
00:02:39.000 If I had said, hey, new rule, chicks should wear like just the legs. 1.00
00:02:44.000 Chicks should have like orange tights on with nothing else, no dress. 1.00
00:02:48.000 Ew, what a creep.
00:02:50.000 But if you just sit back and you're quiet enough, they'll do it on their own.
00:02:53.000 Jerry Seinfeld has a bit about that.
00:02:55.000 Oh, really?
00:02:56.000 I just stole the Seinfeld bit.
00:02:59.000 Jerry Seinfeld goes like, you know, the leggings, it's for the woman who doesn't It's just the shape. 1.00
00:03:14.000 That's what the legging is for. 0.99
00:03:17.000 That was pretty bad.
00:03:18.000 I'm sorry.
00:03:19.000 And go to camera too when you do yourself, so people don't know.
00:03:23.000 No, not all black.
00:03:24.000 Anyway, let's not bore our loyal fans with silly minutiae about technology when you're here to enjoy yourselves.
00:03:32.000 We've got a fun show for you tonight.
00:03:33.000 We got Ashton Witty on the show.
00:03:36.000 I forgot to empty my briefcase.
00:03:39.000 And I went to my parents' house for their 50th anniversary, and I took some photos of all their stuff because I noticed a fair amount of it was my stuff.
00:03:50.000 These magpies, whatever you call those weird birds that collect stuff, had been picking away at my books.
00:03:56.000 And I found a lot of them in their bookshelves.
00:03:59.000 I also saw some insane things you'd only see in a Scottish household, like a lounge chair with two calculators next to it.
00:04:06.000 You know, for those times you want to sit back and just go through some ways to beat the tax man at his own game.
00:04:13.000 Wait, if I did this.
00:04:14.000 But anyway, here's another in my feelings that didn't go quite so well.
00:04:21.000 Louder, louder.
00:04:22.000 Louder, louder.
00:04:31.000 Now, I know what you're saying.
00:04:32.000 You're saying, Gav, we kind of have an understanding here.
00:04:35.000 I might watch this show when the kids are around.
00:04:38.000 You don't swear, and I appreciate that.
00:04:41.000 But we kind of have a pact that you will not show me young girls being murdered on your show.
00:04:46.000 In fact, I think that's illegal.
00:04:48.000 And that's probably true if that was not fake.
00:04:51.000 It's obviously fake.
00:04:52.000 That's why it's on YouTube.
00:04:55.000 I went through that frame by frame very carefully.
00:04:58.000 And you can see when she's bent over the car, she's still like this.
00:05:01.000 So they've just taken that, cut her out, moved her on top of the car, and then filmed.
00:05:06.000 You know how it works with that silly movie magic.
00:05:10.000 What else did I want to talk about?
00:05:12.000 I'm still kind of obsessed with that thing in Oakland where Sean King, Talcom X, was talking about it, where a woman is stabbed by a transient.
00:05:12.000 I think that's it.
00:05:22.000 I know I've already told this story, but I can't get over it.
00:05:25.000 A woman was stabbed by a transient career criminal, and they just make it into Proud Boys.
00:05:33.000 And then they randomly beat up a white dude when they're having a vigil for her, because he had an America flag shirt on.
00:05:39.000 And then they claim, oh, that was Proud Boys 2, and they came to wreck our vigil.
00:05:43.000 And Sean King just takes it.
00:05:45.000 So this poor kid who got his head beaten in for wearing an American flag hat, by the way, he has two black kids, I found out, two stepdaughters, and they're both black.
00:05:52.000 I assume his girlfriend's black. 0.85
00:05:54.000 And they beat the crap out of him based on lies.
00:05:57.000 Like these Facebook memes are becoming the news to people, and they're carrying out vigilante justice based on rumors.
00:06:04.000 At least our vigilante justice is based on facts.
00:06:07.000 Anyway, that's enough talking.
00:06:09.000 That's enough rapping.
00:06:10.000 So let's talk to Ashton Witty, who I sense is feeling discouraged.
00:06:10.000 We got to get into the show.
00:06:14.000 And that breaks my heart because she is unbelievably attractive and intelligent.
00:06:18.000 And if she is not happy, then America's doomed.
00:06:23.000 You know, she's getting frustrated by both the right and the left.
00:06:25.000 And we'll talk to her about that.
00:06:27.000 She thinks the right are just becoming parrot pundits who repeat everything they're told.
00:06:32.000 And as far as the left goes, she thinks both of them are playing identity politics games and trying to ruin people's lives with tweets and all that stuff.
00:06:40.000 And I disagree with her on that.
00:06:41.000 I think we should ruin their lives.
00:06:42.000 They try to ruin our lives.
00:06:45.000 I also want to show you a picture of her that is so perfect, it might change your life.
00:06:50.000 And then we'll go make fun of my parents for a while.
00:06:54.000 Ashton, are you there?
00:06:55.000 I am.
00:06:56.000 You're so attractive that I want you to either become a devout Muslim and wear a burqa or join Antifa so you hide your face because this is – it's difficult to talk to you. 1.00
00:07:06.000 I'm going to put just – Thank you.
00:07:09.000 I'm just going to have to go like this for the interview.
00:07:13.000 You know, we were talking about this the other day, but I've noticed when I watch the news that a lot of pundits, especially pretty girls like yourself, especially conservative pretty girls, especially on Fox News, they have this sort of derivative response that like, oh, you have to talk to the parents.
00:07:32.000 The parents are ultimately in charge or what we need is more family values or this has always been a problem with the borders and they have these sort of go-to responses that lack insight.
00:07:43.000 Have you noticed that?
00:07:45.000 Absolutely.
00:07:45.000 I think a lot of pundits, not just females but also males, do this a lot where they just use simple hashtags and basic talking points on Twitter and suddenly they get all of this news trafficking.
00:07:57.000 And the thing is they're the same message that we've heard over and over and over again.
00:08:02.000 And what's so dangerous about this is that now we are starting to do the exact same thing the left has been doing.
00:08:08.000 We're saying the same messages over and over and over again and it's almost just a basic chant.
00:08:14.000 Yeah.
00:08:16.000 Well, I want to be challenged.
00:08:18.000 I mean when you read especially opinion pieces and you're watching say a show like this, I want someone to say something that I haven't thought of before.
00:08:26.000 But I think people get vilified so seriously when they stray from the orthodoxy and people take things out of context that they go, you know what?
00:08:35.000 I'm going to keep my job.
00:08:36.000 I'm just going to say really boring things like war is bad.
00:08:40.000 We need borders.
00:08:42.000 This person is probably a good person but what they said was I slightly disagree with.
00:08:46.000 And it ends with this sort of milquetoast news where you're not learning anything.
00:08:51.000 It's unadventurous.
00:08:54.000 Not only that but it's almost as if we built some sort of cult.
00:08:58.000 And I tell people this all the time.
00:08:59.000 what really scares me right now is that i love trump i think trump is the best president the u.s has had since jfk my issue is now that people are talking about this new quote-unquote red wave where they say tell people to vote republican vote gop vote conservative but the problem with this mindset is that so many people who are republican don't follow the same values as trump because people are suddenly forgetting that trump is not a republican or a democrat he's just trump which is exactly why america needed
00:09:29.000 So this whole red wave is essentially dangerous because you're going to be voting for people not based on their ideas but because of their party, which is exactly the same thing as women voting for Hillary because she's, well, a woman.
00:09:41.000 It's a very cult mindset, and this could actually put our country in a lot of danger.
00:09:46.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
00:09:48.000 You know, when Sacha Baron Cohen had that idiot who wanted kids to have guns like kindergartners, and he's doing that show where he has like a rubber bun – I mean a little stuffed bunny on a gun and stuff, and it's like grenades for little kids.
00:10:03.000 And I was watching that going, yeah, good.
00:10:06.000 You found a Republican who's an imbecile who wants toddlers to have guns.
00:10:10.000 Yes, ridicule him.
00:10:12.000 I don't like the GOP.
00:10:14.000 I want the swamp drain.
00:10:15.000 And I think a lot of righties and lefties don't understand that we want to blow up the government.
00:10:20.000 And Donald Trump is dynamite.
00:10:24.000 He's Guy Fawkes.
00:10:25.000 He went in there, and it's just exploding.
00:10:27.000 And as Bannon said, they're not going to give it up without a fight.
00:10:30.000 But there's a massive fight going on, and that's why we elected him.
00:10:33.000 We don't like Republicans.
00:10:34.000 Exactly.
00:10:37.000 And so many people who vote for him are suddenly calling themselves proud Republicans, proud GOP members, proud conservatives.
00:10:45.000 And this is actually something I was thinking about the other day because I went down this train where I thought, oh, well, if this guy is a Republican, then I must not really be libertarian.
00:10:55.000 I must be a Republican too.
00:10:56.000 I want to join the GOP.
00:10:58.000 And so for a good couple of months, I was a proud Republican, conservative, whatever.
00:11:02.000 I was associated with Berkeley College Republicans for a short amount of time.
00:11:05.000 And this kind of made me realize after my time with Infowars, what am I doing?
00:11:13.000 Because a lot of these people that I am seeing at these protests who were maybe two years ago, classic liberals, libertarians, or just apolitical, are suddenly voting Republican.
00:11:24.000 And it's almost as if the GOP is using Donald Trump as a means to get more Republican votes.
00:11:31.000 yeah good point you know it's funny that you were vilified essentially disowned by your entire family for drifting to the right or or embracing trump but that's based on this perception that if you're pro-Trump and you're pro-Republican, if you're pro-Republican, then you're clearly a Nazi, and I don't want my daughter to be a Nazi.
00:11:50.000 But you go, no, I haven't joined any group.
00:11:53.000 I just like one guy.
00:11:55.000 Yeah.
00:11:55.000 I haven't even changed.
00:11:57.000 I'm still the same person I've always been.
00:11:58.000 Maybe the only difference now is that I'm more for border security and that I'm pro-life.
00:12:04.000 But besides that, I'm still fairly liberal.
00:12:07.000 And that's my huge issue is a lot of these people who vote for Trump, they're anti-establishment.
00:12:12.000 And now it's almost as if they're willing to put in establishment people as long as they're Republicans.
00:12:18.000 And this is the left versus right mindset that I'm so terrified is happening right now.
00:12:22.000 This has never been, oh, the left is our enemy.
00:12:25.000 The left is evil.
00:12:26.000 This never has been left versus right.
00:12:28.000 It's about the people versus the establishment.
00:12:30.000 We're losing sight of this, and it's very, very dangerous because the left versus right is the tactic the establishment is using to distract us.
00:12:38.000 Well, I tell this to, I don't get to talk to anarchists anymore.
00:12:41.000 They'll stab me if we're in 10 feet of each other.
00:12:44.000 But that's what I want to scream to anarchists.
00:12:47.000 Look, you're never going to have an anarchist president.
00:12:50.000 You're never going to have Emma Goldman as the president.
00:12:53.000 But as far as presidents we can have go, Trump is the most anarchist president we can get.
00:12:59.000 He's the Most small government president we could hope for.
00:13:02.000 So I don't understand why these so-called rebels don't appreciate him more and why they're not more, why they want to vilify everyone who likes him.
00:13:12.000 It's based on this false assumption.
00:13:14.000 It's simply because it's backed again to the cult mindset, applies to both the left and the right at this point.
00:13:20.000 And this is what terrifies me so much is that the people on the left, they heard Bernie Sanders say that he was anti-establishment, and yet he supports more government control, free education, free health care.
00:13:32.000 And then you have people who are anti-established and voted for Trump, but they think in order to keep Trump in office, we have to vote Republican no matter what.
00:13:40.000 The problem with this mindset is because so many Republicans hate Trump and that's what they're forgetting.
00:13:46.000 So many Republicans are very for the establishment.
00:13:48.000 And if we vote them in based on party and not ideas, we could actually lose more than we could gain.
00:13:54.000 For example, I'm from California and I am very shocked to say that we chose John Cox over I'm sorry, I can't really think right now.
00:14:06.000 We chose John Cox.
00:14:08.000 Yeah.
00:14:08.000 What's his name?
00:14:09.000 Travis Allen.
00:14:10.000 We chose John Cox over Travis Allen.
00:14:12.000 And this I found very shocking because Travis Allen is the most anti-established.
00:14:17.000 He's actually Trump supporter from day one.
00:14:20.000 He's more so libertarian.
00:14:21.000 And if John Cox, who did not vote for Trump or did not support Trump from day one, and yet all of these people are rooting for him, oh, well, we can't get, you know, Travis Allen, so let's just get John Cox.
00:14:32.000 No, I'm writing it, Travis Allen when I vote for governor.
00:14:36.000 Like, I don't care what happens.
00:14:37.000 I need to take down the establishment no matter what.
00:14:39.000 I cannot allow myself to walk into that voting booth and vote for Gavin Newsom, obviously, or John Cox.
00:14:47.000 I can't allow myself to do that.
00:14:48.000 Travis Allen is an OG.
00:14:50.000 He's the one who said, you can't trust Gavin Newsom with your best friend's wife.
00:14:50.000 We had him on the show.
00:14:54.000 How are you going to trust him with your state?
00:14:57.000 He also said, let's get the fruits and nuts out of the government and back onto farmers' fields where they belong.
00:15:05.000 Ashton, you mentioned Infowars earlier.
00:15:07.000 What happened with you there?
00:15:09.000 There seems to be a massive misunderstanding with that one interview you did.
00:15:14.000 Just to recap there, you were on InfoWars and you were talking about socialism.
00:15:19.000 You were sort of freelancing for them.
00:15:20.000 You were talking about socialism to some girl who's sipping a milkshake or something.
00:15:25.000 And she said socialism works.
00:15:27.000 It worked in Venezuela and you said they eat rats.
00:15:30.000 She actually did not bring up Venezuela.
00:15:32.000 I did.
00:15:33.000 But I look back at that conversation and me and, well, it's funny because actually me and her get along very well now.
00:15:38.000 We're not, I would say, best friends, but we get along.
00:15:41.000 We actually have a lot in common.
00:15:43.000 But I really wished I could go back and have a real conversation because I feel like video footage like that is too often done in journalism today, where we see often someone from the left or the right do this sort of gotcha journalism.
00:15:58.000 And it really takes us away from what truly is going to help society.
00:16:03.000 And I feel like the best way to help society is by having real conversations.
00:16:06.000 And I wish I could have gone back and had a real conversation.
00:16:09.000 You can't have conversations with these people.
00:16:11.000 That went viral because everyone thought what you said was insane.
00:16:15.000 They were laughing at you.
00:16:17.000 But they do eat rats in Venezuela.
00:16:20.000 Everything you said was true.
00:16:23.000 They do eat rats in Venezuela.
00:16:25.000 There's no doubt about that.
00:16:27.000 But my issue is that I could have approached it a lot better.
00:16:30.000 She could have said something more insightful.
00:16:32.000 I feel like we could have had a lot, a much better conversation.
00:16:36.000 But the problem is that we're so obsessed with, oh, we need to beat each other down and make this person look stupid.
00:16:41.000 It really doesn't do anything to benefit society.
00:16:44.000 Well, I think we differ on that.
00:16:46.000 I want to get petty.
00:16:47.000 I want to get hypocritical.
00:16:49.000 I want to have gotcha moments.
00:16:52.000 I want to frame them.
00:16:52.000 Like, there's this new movement now where everyone is exposing comedians for pedophile tweets.
00:16:57.000 I know they were kidding when they made those tweets, but they're getting us fired for things that we didn't mean.
00:17:02.000 You know, I don't know.
00:17:03.000 So I want them to get fired.
00:17:04.000 That is a different situation.
00:17:05.000 I won't say it's hypocritical to be against that because I think that is a different situation.
00:17:10.000 James Gunn's tweets, in order to make something a joke, you have to have something called humor.
00:17:18.000 And there is nothing edgy or cool or funny about those jokes.
00:17:22.000 For example, a few years ago, everybody was into this meme called Pedo Bear.
00:17:27.000 The thing is, Pedo Bear is so obviously creepy.
00:17:30.000 He has a negative connotation to him.
00:17:31.000 So you're like, oh, this is obviously a joke.
00:17:34.000 No one wants to be pedo bear.
00:17:35.000 Whereas Jam Gunn's tweets were so they were more like blatant statements just saying gross things about children.
00:17:43.000 Yeah, so I thought it seems to be that way.
00:17:46.000 I mean, they're all raunchy.
00:17:47.000 I think Twitter too back then.
00:17:49.000 Wait a minute.
00:17:49.000 Now it sounds like I'm defending them.
00:17:51.000 I'm not going to give them.
00:17:52.000 I know their argument and I'm not going to give it the time of day because I'm petty now and I want to fry the left.
00:17:58.000 Is there anything you want to clear up about InfoWars?
00:18:00.000 Because I feel like there's a lot of misunderstandings there.
00:18:03.000 Oh, absolutely.
00:18:05.000 InfoWars is the reason I am who I am.
00:18:07.000 I feel like everybody thinks I have this huge issue with Alex Jones and InfoWars, but Alex Jones, I've been watching him since I was 13 years old.
00:18:15.000 He is my hero.
00:18:17.000 I could never debate that.
00:18:20.000 I actually got turned down from a job offer because I would not make a video condemning InfoWars.
00:18:27.000 So the idea that I'm anti-InfoWars is absolutely insane just because I don't work for them.
00:18:34.000 I was actually just a guest reporter that week.
00:18:37.000 You had nothing but good times when you worked at InfoWars.
00:18:40.000 Oh, I didn't actually work for InfoWars.
00:18:42.000 I was just a guest reporter.
00:18:42.000 When you were a guest reporter, everything went smooth.
00:18:44.000 Yeah.
00:18:45.000 Are you willing to drop the name of the place that demanded you disavow InfoWars?
00:18:49.000 I'd rather not just because they are a rather big name and I'd rather not get in trouble for that.
00:18:56.000 Are they right-wing?
00:18:58.000 Yes.
00:18:59.000 Huh.
00:18:59.000 See, this is what we need on the right.
00:19:01.000 We need more unity and less backstabbing.
00:19:04.000 The left has got a copyright on petty backstabbing behavior.
00:19:09.000 We have to stab them.
00:19:12.000 But on our side, we need to be clear.
00:19:14.000 This is one thing I've always been jealous of the left for, is their incredible unity.
00:19:20.000 They have people who hate each other, but they're all together, like LGBT and Black Lives Matter.
00:19:27.000 They're getting a little cannibalistic now, but for the most part, in the past, they've been working together.
00:19:31.000 We just can't wait to turn on each other from neocons to paleocons to libertarians.
00:19:37.000 We're all just so, I don't know, mean.
00:19:42.000 Yeah, no, absolutely.
00:19:43.000 I think, you know, we turn on each other way too much.
00:19:47.000 not to mention that we kind of develop kind of this ego, I've noticed.
00:19:52.000 And I think this is the reason why the left does so well.
00:19:54.000 The left works together, they actually promote each other, they lift each other up, whereas people on the right are so obsessed with their egos, they care more about their ego than their message.
00:20:04.000 And that's what turns us against each other.
00:20:06.000 That's what hurts each other.
00:20:08.000 I think we really need to get out of this idea and this mindset.
00:20:11.000 You know, we really need to work together more.
00:20:14.000 We really need to push each other to the top because that's how Donald Trump won the presidency.
00:20:18.000 We all work together.
00:20:19.000 Brilliant, brilliant point.
00:20:20.000 Now, Ashton, I get the feeling when I talk to you offline that you're getting discouraged and you're getting frustrated by all this.
00:20:26.000 I want you to know that you are one of the most attractive women in the country. 0.98
00:20:32.000 You're also very intelligent and insightful, so you're set for life.
00:20:36.000 You could even go through a meth year where you disappeared and you lost all your hair.
00:20:42.000 You could quit meth.
00:20:44.000 Your hair would grow back, and you could have a girl.
00:20:48.000 Can you pull up that picture of her?
00:20:49.000 This is a picture from when you were on my other show, CR-TV Tonight, and you were having a Guinness at the bar.
00:20:55.000 Can you see that picture?
00:20:56.000 Yes, I can.
00:20:57.000 That woman has incredible style, grace. 1.00
00:21:05.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:06.000 Every man in the world would kill for one date with that woman.
00:21:11.000 I'm not exaggerating either.
00:21:13.000 I can't think of obviously some gays, but even the gays would appreciate your style and they're like, I'll have a drink with her. 0.94
00:21:19.000 She looks amazing.
00:21:22.000 Thank you.
00:21:23.000 So don't lose faith.
00:21:25.000 Don't get disheartened.
00:21:27.000 We need you.
00:21:28.000 I know you're needing me.
00:21:30.000 The question is, what the hell is going on with you guys?
00:21:35.000 Good point.
00:21:36.000 All right, Ashton, thanks for coming on the show.
00:21:38.000 Let's have you back soon.
00:21:39.000 Thank you for having me.
00:21:40.000 Bye-bye.
00:21:46.000 Hey guys, I just got back from my parents' house in Ottawa, Canada.
00:21:49.000 Now, my parents are Scottish immigrants.
00:21:51.000 They're fi Scotland, by the way.
00:21:52.000 Fi Glaske.
00:21:53.000 My dad's Villigorbo, Zazque, a tough town, by the way.
00:21:57.000 And my mother, she's the daughter of a single mom who didn't spend a lot of time at home. 1.00
00:22:03.000 So they grew up pretty poor, but they're middle class now.
00:22:05.000 They came to Canada, busted their ass, did well, and I really admire them because they stayed married 50 years.
00:22:12.000 I believe that represents 5% of couples make it to 50 years.
00:22:17.000 It's pretty impressive, and they've been very good to me.
00:22:19.000 I had a bucolic childhood, so I'm not criticizing these two people.
00:22:23.000 But as you get older, you notice your parents' quirks and quarks more than one normally would.
00:22:30.000 And having, I don't usually go to their house.
00:22:33.000 They usually come to my house because it's on their way to Florida.
00:22:37.000 So I hadn't been home in a long time, and I was sort of seeing it with fresh eyes.
00:22:41.000 And I got to say, immigrants are nuts. 1.00
00:22:44.000 Scottish people are lunatics. 1.00
00:22:47.000 My parents are weird.
00:22:49.000 So let's just go through a few pictures of these weird, nutty lunatics. 0.99
00:22:55.000 First, what's this?
00:22:56.000 Oh, this was interesting, I thought.
00:22:58.000 So I'm going through their books, and I can't help but notice my books.
00:23:04.000 Now, she claims, my mom claims that she'll be reading a book.
00:23:08.000 I'll read a book at your house, and then I'm not going to just put it down, so I'll take it home.
00:23:12.000 So there, what do we got there?
00:23:14.000 We got John Stossel.
00:23:15.000 I stole these books back, by the way.
00:23:17.000 So I've been looking for this forever.
00:23:19.000 Pat Buchanan, state of emergency, gone.
00:23:22.000 It doesn't even appear to be cracked.
00:23:24.000 This looks like a straight-up theft.
00:23:27.000 Like there's no dog ears or bookmarks or anything.
00:23:30.000 So I believe this was just robbed.
00:23:32.000 Straight up robbed.
00:23:33.000 Then there's this.
00:23:34.000 This I've already read, but I like to reference it quite a bit.
00:23:37.000 John Stossel.
00:23:38.000 Mess lies and downright stupidity.
00:23:40.000 He writes the way he talks.
00:23:42.000 Get out the shovel, why everything you know is wrong.
00:23:46.000 Great book.
00:23:46.000 Couldn't find it for the longest time.
00:23:48.000 There it was.
00:23:49.000 Now here's the really disturbing part.
00:23:51.000 Is there another slide?
00:23:52.000 What's the next one?
00:23:53.000 Oh, yeah, that's a different topic.
00:23:54.000 Okay, go back.
00:23:56.000 Here's the most disturbing thing about the hot books, the stolen books I found on my parents' bookshelf in their office.
00:24:04.000 This.
00:24:05.000 Now, this is Barbara Ehrenreich's canon.
00:24:08.000 This is pretty much everything she's ever written.
00:24:11.000 She wrote Global Woman with Some Other Broad, which is a fascinating book.
00:24:14.000 I've talked about it a lot about how we import love from the third world and take it away from their kids. 1.00
00:24:20.000 That's one of my left-wing views.
00:24:22.000 Bait and Switch, not a very good book about she does, she's trying to recreate this. 0.97
00:24:27.000 This is Nickel and Dimed, where she tried to be working class and see if you can pay your bills, you know, with minimum wage, and it didn't work out. 1.00
00:24:34.000 She left out illegal immigration and crashing on your friend's couch, though.
00:24:37.000 So pretty big details.
00:24:38.000 Morgan Spurlock made similar mistakes when he did his 30 days trying to be poor, and he brought his wife to the hospital for a UTI, which emptied his bank account.
00:24:46.000 It was like $2,000.
00:24:47.000 But otherwise, he was doing quite well.
00:24:49.000 And then Bait and Switch trying to recreate Nickel and Diamond in the corporate world.
00:24:55.000 I like Barbara Ehrenreich a lot.
00:24:57.000 And don't you think it's weird that an author's entire canon, like her excuse was I was reading books, then I ended up just taking them home.
00:25:05.000 How does that explain three books by the same author?
00:25:09.000 I basically found some loot.
00:25:11.000 So by the way, these two books, Why Do People Hate America and The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill, I don't think these are mine.
00:25:18.000 I stole them.
00:25:20.000 This is a number one Trump lesson.
00:25:22.000 When someone hurts you, you strike back twice as hard.
00:25:25.000 So if someone steals your books and you're taking them back, steal some of their books.
00:25:30.000 All right, what else do we got?
00:25:32.000 This is bizarre.
00:25:34.000 These are my dad's textbooks from college.
00:25:37.000 These must be from 1964.
00:25:40.000 Are you trying to flesh out your bookshelf?
00:25:42.000 Who keeps their old math textbooks?
00:25:45.000 Those things are made of leather, I believe.
00:25:47.000 The calculus one is like you rub it and it feels good.
00:25:50.000 It's got like a kind of a cloth exterior.
00:25:53.000 He also had his old slide rule from, I guess, before calculators.
00:25:57.000 That made me laugh.
00:26:00.000 There's what I just talked about.
00:26:02.000 There is Barbara Ehrenreich's the majority of her books all together in a Barbara Ehrenreich section stolen from my bookshelf.
00:26:11.000 This is bizarre.
00:26:12.000 This is a joke.
00:26:14.000 I don't know what the hell.
00:26:15.000 She told me it was a joke, but she forgot what it was.
00:26:17.000 They have these framed paintings that must be like 600 years old that were the original cartoon jokes, but they forgot what the jokes were.
00:26:27.000 This is my grandfather.
00:26:28.000 Jack Thompson was a very talented painter who never sold anything.
00:26:33.000 He never really sold his paintings.
00:26:35.000 And some of them are particularly macabre.
00:26:37.000 Like this appears to be a nuclear power plant.
00:26:40.000 I guess that's steam coming off the top.
00:26:42.000 I don't know where you'd find that.
00:26:43.000 And what's interesting about his work, by the way, is he was so cheap, as all Scottish people are, he wouldn't have access to oils and gouache and brushes. 1.00
00:26:51.000 So his works were done with garbage, like liquid paper and crayons and oil pastels and a few paints he found in the garbage and a toothbrush.
00:27:00.000 It made for a unique style.
00:27:04.000 There's another book, Stolen.
00:27:06.000 I stole it back, though, folks.
00:27:07.000 These pictures are from Ottawa, Canada.
00:27:09.000 We're filming this in New York City.
00:27:10.000 You are seeing the spoils of revenge.
00:27:14.000 Go ahead.
00:27:16.000 This is just a doll I have a faint memory of.
00:27:18.000 Go ahead.
00:27:20.000 Another wonderful painting by Jack Thompson.
00:27:22.000 He did a blurry version of this.
00:27:23.000 I don't know why I'm showing you these.
00:27:26.000 Oh, this I thought was interesting because it's so unbelievably Scottish.
00:27:29.000 There's a corny postcard there, but just a piece of a bagpipe.
00:27:35.000 Could you get more Scottish than that?
00:27:36.000 Just stray bagpipe bric-a-brac lying on random bookshelves.
00:27:43.000 Lots of tartan chairs, of course, refurbished.
00:27:46.000 Oh, this was classic.
00:27:47.000 You probably have this at your house.
00:27:48.000 I bet this isn't unique to Scotts.
00:27:50.000 A beautiful frame of two people on the beach.
00:27:53.000 This is the picture the frame comes with.
00:27:55.000 It has the logo of the frame company in the corner there.
00:27:59.000 They didn't get around to putting a picture in it.
00:28:01.000 So now it's just a beautiful picture of two professional models posing by the beach to advertise a frame.
00:28:08.000 This I thought was classic mom and dad.
00:28:10.000 Again, I wouldn't be surprised if this is you guys too.
00:28:13.000 They take advantage of these like cheap printer offers and end up with two printers, neither of which work because the ink is too expensive.
00:28:20.000 They just keep buying new printers rather than buy ink.
00:28:23.000 It probably makes sense financially too.
00:28:25.000 That's the thing about Scots.
00:28:26.000 They are the cheapest people in the world.
00:28:28.000 The Jewish stereotype is very unfair.
00:28:30.000 The Scottish one is perfectly accurate. 1.00
00:28:33.000 Everything they do has a big box of coupons and about a meter of logic behind why it's a good purchase.
00:28:42.000 This is my, there's my dad right there.
00:28:44.000 Can you see him?
00:28:44.000 Where is he?
00:28:45.000 That's my dad.
00:28:46.000 Dressed in, look at what he's wearing.
00:28:48.000 I kept saying all, this is his 50th anniversary party.
00:28:52.000 What color is this?
00:28:53.000 Pistachio?
00:28:54.000 With an American shirt, which is audacious, by the way, to wear in Canada.
00:28:58.000 And then we have Pat.
00:28:59.000 I was giving out labels for everyone, and they kept falling off the clothes.
00:29:02.000 So Pat just stuck hers on her head. 0.95
00:29:05.000 Yes, it's possible for old people to be funny.
00:29:08.000 By the way, speaking of Pat and funny, this is Scottish beer.
00:29:11.000 It's called Budweiser.
00:29:12.000 You know what Scottish beer is?
00:29:13.000 Cheap.
00:29:17.000 All right, here is the Scottish stuff in a nutshell.
00:29:20.000 A reading nook, tartan blanketed on it, of course, but check it out.
00:29:24.000 Two calculators.
00:29:25.000 This is what Scottish people do.
00:29:27.000 They sit on a chair and pontificate, look, if I was to sell this house now and get a second mortgage on another property, and then my son was to sell me his apartment and my other son sold me his house and then they bought them back from my place, we could save, and it'll involve like all of us moving our family seven times and then it'll come up with $3,000.
00:29:52.000 Meanwhile, moving everyone three times is like $4,000.
00:29:56.000 So I don't want to do that, dad.
00:29:58.000 And then he gets mad.
00:29:58.000 One time he had his calculators out and he goes, I'm trying to help you save money, but your IQ is too low to understand.
00:30:06.000 Okay, call it a low IQ.
00:30:07.000 I'm not interested in your Kakamimi tax schemes.
00:30:10.000 So this must be where he comes up with them.
00:30:12.000 This is just a carpet I remember from being a little kid in Britain.
00:30:15.000 I'm 47.
00:30:16.000 I'm actually 48 now.
00:30:19.000 So this carpet is over half a century old at the very least.
00:30:22.000 It's probably 100 years old.
00:30:24.000 Oh, by the way, that's the funny thing about cheap people.
00:30:26.000 They will have, Scots will be opening a bottle of wine with a $400 bottle opener.
00:30:32.000 And you go, well, that's an expensive bottle opener, Gavin.
00:30:35.000 Yes, technically, yes.
00:30:37.000 It's also an heirloom.
00:30:39.000 So rather than go out and buy a new corkscrew, they'll just go into the heirloom cabinet and take out something that's five generations old and just start using heirlooms because it's cheaper than going out and buying something.
00:30:51.000 So in a sense, they end up sort of becoming aristocrats.
00:30:55.000 And then there's those, you probably have these.
00:30:57.000 Do you have these kind of things?
00:30:58.000 These old, fancy, old-timey pictures in your house that have no bearing on your family.
00:31:03.000 You're not related to these people.
00:31:05.000 It's just like a classical picture that's been in your house your whole life.
00:31:08.000 It gives you funny memories because you remember seeing that before you could even have memories.
00:31:11.000 But why the hell do we have a beautiful pencil sketch of some Victorian dad teaching his daughter the Glockenspiel?
00:31:21.000 That's got nothing to do with our universe.
00:31:24.000 Why is that a picture?
00:31:25.000 That picture's been in every house I've ever had my entire life.
00:31:29.000 Oh, I thought this was funny.
00:31:30.000 I don't think my mom does any ironing. 0.52
00:31:31.000 My dad, you saw how my dad dresses.
00:31:33.000 He's got his pistachio shorts and his USA golf shirt.
00:31:36.000 You have to iron any of that.
00:31:38.000 But in a little ironing nook that seems to have a large pillow or rolled-up duvet there, just while you pass the time away, you can see, I don't know, a Scottish colony in New Zealand, some early merchant flyer to try to encourage people to go what I assume is a three-year journey from Scotland to New Zealand.
00:31:55.000 And then just the history of Scotland, by the way, look at that.
00:31:58.000 You got Rabbi Buns and the bloody Romans and some kings and all that and thistle and castles and the bloody English set in their anthem, which is not official yet, but they have a line in there about, we sent them homeward to think again. 1.00
00:32:16.000 It's like kill the boars, but it's kill the English. 1.00
00:32:19.000 The Scots feel the same way about England that the South African government feels about the whites, the boars. 1.00
00:32:24.000 I thought this was interesting.
00:32:26.000 How old is this iPhone?
00:32:28.000 I go, Dad, what is this?
00:32:29.000 A 1998 iPhone?
00:32:32.000 My hand is not gigantic.
00:32:33.000 My hand is normal-sized.
00:32:35.000 So you're looking at an iPhone.
00:32:37.000 He goes, I don't know, I got it for 50 bucks.
00:32:40.000 I'm like, Dad, that should be in a museum.
00:32:43.000 Even the charger, I haven't seen one of those chargers in a century.
00:32:46.000 Look how tiny that thing is. 0.93
00:32:49.000 I honestly, I'm not exaggerating, think that is a pre-2000 iPhone.
00:32:56.000 This might be our last slide, is it?
00:32:58.000 I think so.
00:32:59.000 Oh, no, no, it's not.
00:33:00.000 This is a wonderful thing about Canada, and I think it might be Scottish-related because Canadian culture is Scottish culture, no matter what the multiculturalists try to tell you.
00:33:08.000 They built Canada, and they love potatoes, they love chips.
00:33:12.000 So they have a vast array of flavors for chips, as do the Brits, as do the Scots.
00:33:17.000 And Canada is one of the only places you can indulge in ketchup-flavored crisps.
00:33:23.000 Absolutely delicious.
00:33:25.000 They're not subtle about the ketchup flavor, too.
00:33:27.000 Like your nose burns.
00:33:28.000 It's like wasabi levels of ketchup. 0.97
00:33:32.000 I thought this was interesting.
00:33:33.000 My mom's wallet is free.
00:33:37.000 She got it from Bud Light.
00:33:40.000 Like other women collect Louis Vuitton clutches and stuff. 1.00
00:33:44.000 Like Chinese, rich old Chinese ladies, my mom's age, they'll have their Louis Vuitton they're going to give to their daughter and their Prada and their, what's his name there?
00:33:53.000 That Birchen, Birkin bag.
00:33:57.000 Yeah, that Birkin bag.
00:33:58.000 Not my mom.
00:33:59.000 She has a free Bud Light wallet that probably came with three cases as a bonus.
00:34:06.000 Wow, no one's ever bought that much Bud Light before.
00:34:08.000 All right, so there's my dad.
00:34:09.000 And I'm sitting there talking to him in this weird old puffy chair.
00:34:13.000 Are you able to zoom in, Dave?
00:34:15.000 I don't care if it kills the resolution.
00:34:17.000 As I'm talking to this man, I'm thinking, why is there a stuffed lion behind your head?
00:34:24.000 My kids are never there.
00:34:26.000 My kids haven't been there in, I'm going to say six or seven years.
00:34:30.000 They don't have any other grandchildren.
00:34:32.000 There's no, they don't have any, they're 70 something, so they don't have friends with kids.
00:34:36.000 Why is there a stuffed lion in our home at all?
00:34:39.000 Why is it on the premises?
00:34:41.000 A, B, of all the places it could be, like maybe in a box to pull out that one time every two years a kid comes by, instead of it being hidden somewhere, it's just on the main chair in the sitting room.
00:34:53.000 And there it is, as he's trying to be serious about some cockamami tax scheme, I'm looking at a stuffed lion behind his head.
00:35:00.000 And I'm thinking, why the hell have you got an old stuffed lion behind your head, old man?
00:35:05.000 What is that doing there?
00:35:06.000 Is that a thing?
00:35:07.000 Do your parents, do other parents just have stuffed animals located in various spots?
00:35:13.000 This, I thought, was classic Scottish people. 0.86
00:35:16.000 We've got Bracey Eostroff with something about six hundred.
00:35:20.000 How about a log?
00:35:21.000 We'll just stick a log on the roof.
00:35:25.000 Oh, this is a great painting my grandfather did of, you know, Scotland Forever, it says, and it's got a bum lying there, almost in a seizure position, just passed out and drunk. 0.77
00:35:35.000 And one of my mom's idiotic friends said, oh, that's nice.
00:35:40.000 Is that your grandfather?
00:35:41.000 No, wait, I did a Scottish accent, she said, in a Canadian accent.
00:35:44.000 Oh, that's nice, eh?
00:35:45.000 So who's that now?
00:35:46.000 Is that your grandfather doing a self-portrait?
00:35:48.000 What?
00:35:50.000 You're saying my grandfather got wasted, passed out on a bench, had someone take a picture.
00:35:56.000 Like, I'm going to get blind, drunk, and pass out.
00:35:57.000 Come by in about six hours and then take a picture of me passed out.
00:36:01.000 Then send me the picture and then I'll paint that picture.
00:36:04.000 No, this is not a self-portrait of a drunken homeless man passed out.
00:36:09.000 This drunken homeless man is a different person than my grandfather.
00:36:13.000 World's stupidest question.
00:36:14.000 And of course, the talent stays in the family.
00:36:17.000 And this is a beautiful portrait I did of the family that says Merry Christmas.
00:36:22.000 It was a Christmas gift to them.
00:36:24.000 And it just, it perfectly captures, that was probably as in 1990.
00:36:28.000 Is that it?
00:36:30.000 Kind of anticlimactic to end with that one.
00:36:32.000 Is that all we got?
00:36:33.000 Oh yeah, this is funny.
00:36:34.000 So they have a big, beautiful glass sort of sliding door at their master bedroom that opens to that place I just showed you with the log.
00:36:41.000 But of course, windows get dirty and they get, you'll notice cords everywhere at your parents' house.
00:36:46.000 They're not, they'd have no problem seeing cords hanging like spaghetti on every wall.
00:36:51.000 But they have like a professional squeegee system.
00:36:56.000 Instead of that being in the cleaning section, it's right next to the window.
00:36:59.000 So anytime you see a problem, I don't know where they get it wet.
00:37:02.000 You need a bucket.
00:37:03.000 So that might as well be with the bucket.
00:37:04.000 But they have a squeegee section next to the window.
00:37:07.000 So I guess you can just squeegee every time you see some dirt on the window.
00:37:12.000 Immigrants don't put stuff away is what I'm learning from this trip. 1.00
00:37:18.000 Oh, this is pathetic.
00:37:20.000 And I made fun of them so much for this.
00:37:22.000 I actually pulled it out during the party and pretended to be a Serbian.
00:37:25.000 And I said, I am so happy to be here in Canada that I put pictures of a trip to England on this.
00:37:32.000 That's not even foam core.
00:37:34.000 That's a giant envelope.
00:37:35.000 So I don't know, my grandfather maybe shipped my mom something that couldn't bend.
00:37:40.000 Of course, why waste?
00:37:41.000 Don't waste that.
00:37:42.000 That's valuable, that envelope.
00:37:44.000 So she saved it as some sort of poster board and then taped this onto the giant envelope that says the things we did on our trip to England and then has all these different pictures of the stupid stuff they did, like had dinner with Irene and Doug.
00:38:01.000 Okay, that's nice.
00:38:02.000 And then that's sitting in the dining room.
00:38:05.000 So with the heirlooms, she probably pours coffee out of this $600 pot because it's cheaper than getting a coffee pot. 0.98
00:38:12.000 But this is just sitting in the dining room.
00:38:14.000 So you can look at someone's presentation, some high school level presentation of a trip to England in 2006.
00:38:23.000 Is that it?
00:38:24.000 Anyway, the moral of the story is that we keep letting these people in and trying to ignore the fact that they're all insane.
00:38:31.000 If there's one thing that my parents have taught me about immigration, it's we need to build a wall. 0.99