Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - Ep 189 | I Will Fight For Justice | Get Off My Lawn

00:00:06.000 Hit it.

00:00:08.000 This ain't no disco.

00:00:12.000 It ain't no country club either.

00:00:17.000 This is LA.

00:00:19.000 Live from New York.

00:00:21.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.

00:00:28.000 Hi folks, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:00:31.000 This is part two in my series called Hosts I Like Hanging Out With, wherein I interview friends of mine who are also hosts of their own show because hosts tend to be more didactic and charming and they help keep the conversation going.

00:00:47.000 So I find these shows go faster.

00:00:49.000 And I'd like to introduce my good pal, Bill Schultz, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:54.000 Thank you for having me, buddy.

00:00:56.000 And I have to do it on a left hand.

00:00:57.000 You can explain why.

00:00:59.000 I was trying to teach Bill what a Charlie horse is.

00:01:02.000 And Coulter said, you know what's funny about the Charlie horse?

00:01:02.000 No.

00:01:05.000 I've never heard of one before, and nor has any woman.

00:01:08.000 But all boys, all men, grew up with Charlie horses.

00:01:12.000 We know it's a science.

00:01:14.000 Well, I told you, you call it Charlie horses in Canada.

00:01:17.000 We call it dead legs.

00:01:18.000 At least.

00:01:19.000 Oh, dead legs.

00:01:20.000 Now, the science of a dead leg is there's a muscle here, right?

00:01:24.000 Whatever this is called, and it ends right before the knee.

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 Now, if you can pulverize someone, usually your little brother, right there, and you do it, I like to go like this and just do a little whack, like a little ball peen hammer.

00:01:38.000 All right, by the way, look at the way your hand is positioned.

00:01:42.000 That's why I broke this scaphoid, which is a hard bone to break, I've learned.

00:01:47.000 I did that move on.

00:01:50.000 Gavin has a surprisingly fleshy thigh, and that was like hitting two pillows.

00:01:57.000 It was wonderful.

00:01:58.000 I almost loved it.

00:01:59.000 Talk to me.

00:02:00.000 Well, I'm sorry, I was looking at the camera because I want people to see my face.

00:02:05.000 But I was hitting you because we were talking about Charlie Horses versus Dead Legs.

00:02:10.000 And at one point, we were in DC.

00:02:13.000 Are you Keith Hernandez?

00:02:14.000 Why do you keep staring at the camera?

00:02:16.000 I guess I blew it by introducing the.

00:02:17.000 All right, I'm looking at you.

00:02:18.000 I didn't realize I didn't have to look at the camera.

00:02:20.000 Have you had any drinks today?

00:02:21.000 I've had a lot.

00:02:22.000 Okay.

00:02:23.000 Yeah.

00:02:24.000 It'd be a little different.

00:02:24.000 It'll be like drunken kung fu, where you're doing a I know, I'm not used to me being drunk and you being sober.

00:02:30.000 Okay.

00:02:31.000 But so, like, yeah, basically what happened was I was hitting your fleshy thigh and you were pretending like it didn't hurt.

00:02:39.000 And we were both doing that kind of like, no, it didn't hurt at all.

00:02:42.000 We kept doing it to each other.

00:02:44.000 It did hurt when you hit me.

00:02:45.000 I will admit that.

00:02:46.000 Oh, the cat's finally out of the bed.

00:02:48.000 It didn't hurt.

00:02:49.000 But I know it hurt you too, because I can see you.

00:02:51.000 It did not hurt me at all. 1.00

00:02:52.000 Oh, bullshit. 0.99

00:02:53.000 It didn't. 1.00

00:02:53.000 Do one right now. 1.00

00:02:54.000 No, look what you did to me. 0.98

00:02:56.000 Do your worst.

00:02:57.000 All right, well, I'll do it with my left hand.

00:02:59.000 Yeah, do it with your left hand. 1.00

00:03:00.000 Go nuts. 1.00

00:03:01.000 Well, my left hand sucks. 1.00

00:03:02.000 All right, well, all right. 0.98

00:03:03.000 I will do it with my left hand. 0.99

00:03:04.000 I will give you a Charlie horse, as you horrible Canadians say. 0.97

00:03:09.000 But what happened was how I broke this. 0.94

00:03:11.000 This thing has ruined my summer.

00:03:13.000 Sorry, I kept looking at the camera.

00:03:15.000 But instead of hitting Gavin's thigh, I connected with his knee, and immediately I heard it snap.

00:03:23.000 And do you remember how much pain I was in?

00:03:26.000 Like, the reason we got so drunk on the train ride back was because I was trying to numb myself.

00:03:26.000 No.

00:03:32.000 And you kept asking me, you kept telling me, Bill, why do you keep bringing so many beers back?

00:03:36.000 And remember, you passed out.

00:03:37.000 I took wonderful pictures of you.

00:03:38.000 Passed out.

00:03:39.000 Druid coming down his precious beard.

00:03:42.000 And I kept drinking because my hand was like a cabbage patch kid. 0.65

00:03:47.000 It just kept growing.

00:03:48.000 You know, what I'm learning from this story is how we misremember things and can change.

00:03:53.000 How do you remember it?

00:03:54.000 You were drunk because we were partying because we just finished a show and we had a four-hour train run.

00:03:58.000 No, I got drunker.

00:04:00.000 So you weren't doing that to numb the pain.

00:04:01.000 That's the part you invented.

00:04:02.000 No, it's part of me being in pain and hiding it.

00:04:07.000 That's also a complete fabrication.

00:04:08.000 No, I'm guessing.

00:04:09.000 There's no problem with that.

00:04:10.000 I think we change history and we inject things to make it happen.

00:04:16.000 I'm hoping you were in pain.

00:04:17.000 I'm assuming you were.

00:04:18.000 Not even remotely.

00:04:19.000 I have the legs of Spider-Man.

00:04:21.000 It's weird.

00:04:22.000 I don't have the upper body.

00:04:23.000 I have the upper body of Elmo.

00:04:24.000 Yeah.

00:04:25.000 You're bottom-heavy.

00:04:26.000 You're bottom-heavy.

00:04:27.000 From the waist down, I look like a superhero.

00:04:30.000 From the waist up, I look like my daughter.

00:04:31.000 You're like Destiny's child, but the girls did make it a cypherpass. 0.66

00:04:35.000 I'm like, you know those things they have as a kid where you can change the tops and the bottoms and the heads?

00:04:39.000 So I got Grover's upper body, Donald Sutherland with AIDS head, and then Superman's legs. 0.92

00:04:46.000 So it sort of goes up like a triangle.

00:04:48.000 All I'm sticking with me is Donald Sutherland with AIDS. 0.97

00:04:51.000 But women don't like that. 1.00

00:04:52.000 They like wide going down to a point.

00:04:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:54.000 Like point going from a wide.

00:04:57.000 It's not a good look.

00:04:58.000 You'll notice t-shirt designs, they tend to be triangular like this.

00:05:01.000 They don't really go like a Christmas tree because it sort of shrinks your shoulders.

00:05:05.000 Anyway, let's change the subject because people don't care about your ailments.

00:05:09.000 We met.

00:05:10.000 When did we meet?

00:05:11.000 We met when you were doing Fox News when you were on Reddit.

00:05:13.000 Yes.

00:05:14.000 I like, as much as we might be smirch, and I said be smirch, Greg Gutfeld, if it wasn't for Greg Gutfeld, you and I would have never met.

00:05:21.000 Yeah, people say that.

00:05:22.000 If my grandparents didn't meet at a party, we never would have met.

00:05:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:27.000 Yeah.

00:05:30.000 Butterfly across the world.

00:05:31.000 But I always lamented that time at Fox as time went on.

00:05:37.000 Because it seemed to get less fun from that day forward.

00:05:40.000 Maybe because I arrived.

00:05:42.000 But I'll never forget the first night I was on, it was you.

00:05:44.000 I think Andrew Beitbart was there.

00:05:46.000 Yeah.

00:05:47.000 And we all went out with Lauren Savon.

00:05:49.000 She was with that little guy, Eric, what's his name?

00:05:52.000 Rick Leventhal.

00:05:53.000 Rick Leventhal. 0.99

00:05:54.000 He was massaging her buttocks. 0.96

00:05:56.000 I think they were dating. 0.96

00:05:56.000 It wasn't just a meeting. 0.96

00:05:58.000 Yes, it wasn't a Me Too.

00:05:59.000 It wasn't a Me Too moment.

00:06:01.000 And we all went out for drinks after, and there was a real sort of, like, I noticed this at Rebel in Canada, where the staff and the cameraman and everyone all go out for drinks after.

00:06:10.000 And, you know, you were stressed out.

00:06:12.000 I noticed that.

00:06:13.000 You had to be on like crazy.

00:06:14.000 So you want to just like party after.

00:06:16.000 Decompress.

00:06:16.000 Yes.

00:06:18.000 And everyone was decompressing.

00:06:19.000 And, you know, we had a few more nights like that where some of us would go out.

00:06:22.000 And Greg and I went out a ton of times, just him and I. But there was never that group of like 10 people at Fox News.

00:06:29.000 There was a lot.

00:06:30.000 There was a lot back in the day, even though obviously my life only began when I met you. 0.98

00:06:37.000 But before even you came on, that was every fucking night. 0.98

00:06:42.000 trucking night. 0.99

00:06:43.000 Sorry.

00:06:44.000 Oh, really?

00:06:45.000 So I just got on the tail end of the fun.

00:06:45.000 That's great.

00:06:48.000 Yeah, I mean, well, but here's the thing.

00:06:50.000 When we first started, we were on at two in the morning.

00:06:54.000 And the only way we get people to come on is like, we're fun and hang out with us afterwards.

00:07:00.000 And so that was like, and half of them were FNC people.

00:07:02.000 And then we would get them loaded afterwards.

00:07:05.000 And it would be all, it was very, there was like a camaraderie to it.

00:07:10.000 There wasn't any.

00:07:11.000 Why did it end?

00:07:12.000 Why did that?

00:07:13.000 There's a lot of things that ended.

00:07:15.000 Because here's one theory I have about you and Greg.

00:07:18.000 Give it to me.

00:07:19.000 I think that Greg liked the fact that you sparred, like the same way you and I spar.

00:07:24.000 And we're about to spar about Kavanaugh because you think he did it because of his face.

00:07:29.000 Yes.

00:07:30.000 You get to a level where I think Greg's salary got to a point where he thought, I don't need to conflict.

00:07:37.000 I don't need to argue with someone.

00:07:39.000 And so I want Bill out of here.

00:07:41.000 You're a smart man.

00:07:42.000 And then I think boozing or, you know, he was late once or other excuses were used as a way to facilitate getting Bill out.

00:07:51.000 But I think the real thing was, I'm bored with you, almost like the king.

00:07:55.000 Like, I've had enough of him.

00:07:56.000 Big on, Juster.

00:07:58.000 I think, well, actually, I will bring it back to you.

00:08:01.000 I think that every partnership, if it's kind of fruitful, has a sell-by date.

00:08:06.000 You and Shane Smith had a sell-by date.

00:08:09.000 Big time sell-by date.

00:08:10.000 Greg and I did too.

00:08:11.000 There was only, like, I knew Greg.

00:08:13.000 Greg was my editor from 2000.

00:08:17.000 And then we had an on-and-off relationship until I got Red Eye.

00:08:21.000 A gay relationship or a working relationship?

00:08:23.000 A working relationship. 0.99

00:08:25.000 You seem effeminate. 0.99

00:08:26.000 I think a lot of people think you're gay. 0.99

00:08:28.000 It makes me more interesting. 0.75

00:08:28.000 Keep thinking it. 0.75

00:08:30.000 But seriously.

00:08:32.000 But keep on thinking it.

00:08:35.000 Girls.

00:08:36.000 Wait, where's my glass?

00:08:37.000 That's a good rubber crumbs.

00:08:38.000 Keep on thinking.

00:08:40.000 But I will say this.

00:08:43.000 I think I have worked longer with Greg than pretty much anyone.

00:08:49.000 And like, Greg's hard to take.

00:08:50.000 And most people that have worked with Greg don't laugh.

00:08:53.000 It's not hard to take.

00:08:54.000 My problem with Greg was Really?

00:08:56.000 Yeah, he's just too sensitive.

00:08:58.000 Like, he's like, oh, that's politically incorrect.

00:09:00.000 That's going to get me fired.

00:09:01.000 Don't say that.

00:09:02.000 That's annoying.

00:09:02.000 What do you think about that?

00:09:04.000 That's a deal breaker for me eventually.

00:09:04.000 That bugs me.

00:09:06.000 But as far as hanging out with the guy, great guy.

00:09:09.000 Oh my God.

00:09:10.000 I could never really get in, though.

00:09:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:09:14.000 There is no in.

00:09:15.000 He would always have.

00:09:16.000 There's no there.

00:09:17.000 He always built a brick wall around himself to keep out the pain, the fear, and the hurt. 0.98

00:09:22.000 He might be gay for all I know. 0.90

00:09:24.000 That's always been your theory, actually.

00:09:27.000 I remember having voice with him and going, dude, you know how little like Harris are gay? 0.92

00:09:32.000 Like a billionth of a pube, of a millionth percent. 0.96

00:09:36.000 Just tell me.

00:09:38.000 Meanwhile, my uncle died in the closet, so I have an incentive.

00:09:40.000 I know, and you loved your uncle.

00:09:42.000 I know, and I love that story.

00:09:44.000 And you've always told me that your theory was that Greg was gay.

00:09:48.000 And you are not the only person that has told me that.

00:09:50.000 Yeah.

00:09:51.000 I don't think he is.

00:09:52.000 Like, baby with your wife. 0.99

00:09:54.000 He is, as much as I hate the cliche, narcissistic, Narcissistic personality disorder. 0.99

00:10:06.000 Oh my God. 0.97

00:10:06.000 Again, I've been trying. 0.97

00:10:07.000 Narcissistic personality disorder.

00:10:09.000 Say it.

00:10:10.000 Narcissistic personality disorder.

00:10:12.000 Yay! 0.99

00:10:14.000 Ah, Billy gets a lot.

00:10:16.000 Billy kicking in.

00:10:17.000 Yeah, thank you for that, by the way.

00:10:20.000 If you look that up and you go all through the bullet points, that is him to a team.

00:10:25.000 Well, I think.

00:10:26.000 That is him to a team.

00:10:26.000 You know, I probably have the same.

00:10:27.000 And that is it.

00:10:28.000 We probably have the same bullet points.

00:10:30.000 It's called lead singer syndrome.

00:10:31.000 You have to be a little bit self-important to sit in a desk and go, welcome back to me.com.

00:10:38.000 Here's what I'm thinking about, and here's my two cents.

00:10:41.000 I will give you that, but I will take this away.

00:10:43.000 You actually, as much as I hate you, you are a loyal person.

00:10:49.000 And if you like a person, you are going to be in their camp and blah, blah.

00:10:54.000 There are certain people that we know that are not like that, that have that.

00:10:58.000 Yeah, they tend to be children.

00:11:00.000 You actually are a good person. 0.72

00:11:01.000 As much as I hate you.

00:11:02.000 They tend to be the children of single moms.

00:11:04.000 They tend not to have dads.

00:11:06.000 But can I amend your earlier theory?

00:11:08.000 Give it to me.

00:11:09.000 meant to interrupt you, but you talk about sell-by dates, and I think you're right, but I'd like to just...

00:11:13.000 I'd like to change it a bit.

00:11:15.000 I think male friendships, or maybe all friendships, I can't speak for a woman, have this sort of a cell phone contract where about every year you're asked if you want to renew your contract.

00:11:26.000 And most of the time you're like, yep, put it through.

00:11:29.000 I love hanging out with that guy.

00:11:30.000 But sometimes you get the paperwork, and usually often it's like you're married and he's now, he's still single.

00:11:38.000 Without a doubt.

00:11:39.000 A lot of the time the married guys are just like, yeah, I'm not signing this, actually.

00:11:45.000 We're done.

00:11:46.000 This is good.

00:11:47.000 This is good.

00:11:48.000 And I think that can hurt you in business.

00:11:50.000 And people ask me, like, what happened with Vice?

00:11:52.000 And what's the secret there?

00:11:54.000 And I think the real secret is we just, I stopped getting beers with those guys because I got married.

00:11:59.000 That was exactly what I just said.

00:12:01.000 And they, like, I remember the sort of turning point was they went on this golf trip.

00:12:05.000 And I thought, I want to be with my wife.

00:12:07.000 I don't.

00:12:07.000 I don't want to go.

00:12:08.000 Well, good for you.

00:12:08.000 You're an adult.

00:12:09.000 I don't want to go on this golf trip.

00:12:10.000 I don't care about that. 1.00

00:12:11.000 And it was for a sponsor where you have to lick their ass the whole time. 1.00

00:12:14.000 And I thought, I don't want to go kissing a sponsor's ass and pretending to play golf, even though it would be good for bonding. 1.00

00:12:20.000 And that was like that move. 0.99

00:12:21.000 And a few others were like the beginning of the end.

00:12:23.000 And you know who I said this to?

00:12:25.000 The executive editor of the New York Times, Jill Abramson.

00:12:28.000 And I said, there's all this talk about how you're not at the New York Times anymore because you were complaining about pay and how women get paid less than men.

00:12:36.000 And there's all these different narratives unfurled.

00:12:39.000 But I think at the end of the day, Jill, you didn't have enough beers with Pinch.

00:12:44.000 That's the Pinch Salzberg.

00:12:46.000 Not my puppet.

00:12:49.000 Yeah, not your puppet.

00:12:51.000 He's the left puppet.

00:12:52.000 Well, by the way, would Pinch have 21?

00:12:55.000 I don't know about that.

00:12:56.000 She's a big drinker, man.

00:12:57.000 Well, but would Pinch actually have a beer?

00:12:59.000 Oh, she's 21.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, I don't think so.

00:13:01.000 Oh, especially CEOs.

00:13:03.000 They want to be cool.

00:13:04.000 No one invites them to anything because they're scared about losing their job.

00:13:04.000 They want to hang.

00:13:07.000 So that was one great thing about Shane.

00:13:09.000 They call him the CEO whisperer because he was always like, hey, we're having a party with Johnny Knoxville. 0.97

00:13:13.000 And there's going to be naked chicks. 1.00

00:13:15.000 We want you to come, Les Moonves.

00:13:16.000 And he's like, I've never been invited to a cool thing in my life.

00:13:20.000 That is actually brilliant.

00:13:21.000 Oh, be there.

00:13:22.000 All right.

00:13:23.000 Now I'm starting to get Shane.

00:13:24.000 Like, that makes sense.

00:13:26.000 But yeah, he was, like, everything I've read about Shane, because I've learned to hate Shane because of you.

00:13:32.000 And I do, I've researched a lot of my hatred for him, but he was a great con man.

00:13:38.000 He would say that you guys had a lot when you had nothing.

00:13:42.000 Isn't that what a salesman is?

00:13:43.000 I think so.

00:13:44.000 But then why would you say that all of a sudden you're a journalist?

00:13:47.000 Yeah.

00:13:48.000 I'm not going to, I don't know.

00:13:49.000 I'm not going to get into it.

00:13:50.000 I'd rather make you uncomfortable than me.

00:13:53.000 He claims that he is now.

00:13:55.000 He has taken everything that you did and turned it into something he did.

00:13:58.000 Okay, that's a great interpretation.

00:14:00.000 Well, but that's accurate, is it not?

00:14:02.000 I don't know.

00:14:03.000 Yes.

00:14:04.000 He wrote the entire magazine under various pseudonyms.

00:14:06.000 Shane was just bad guy.

00:14:08.000 And he has tried to turn it into its vice.

00:14:12.000 I hate Shane because of him, because I know him.

00:14:14.000 A lot of people talk about bigotry and prejudice. 0.98

00:14:18.000 And those same people will have blacks, Latinos, gays on their show. 0.72

00:14:23.000 I like it when you do that. 0.93

00:14:24.000 Very few people will have a drunk person on their show and treat him like a human being.

00:14:28.000 Drunk people are a major part of our society, of our culture, of our history. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Thanks, Mr. Holland.

00:14:33.000 And I think they should be on shows.

00:14:35.000 They should be given a voice.

00:14:37.000 Thank you.

00:14:37.000 They should be treated like human beings.

00:14:39.000 He's creating drunk awareness, and I appreciate him for that.

00:14:42.000 We need to create something.

00:14:43.000 Well, it is Dow.

00:14:46.000 Drunk Awareness Week.

00:14:47.000 Oh, oh, God, I didn't even realize that.

00:14:48.000 Yeah, it's Dow.

00:14:49.000 Anyway, let's get back to the substance here.

00:14:51.000 We need something out of this.

00:14:53.000 Sorry.

00:14:53.000 So while I was there at Red Eye, I thought, I love Bill, but I really want his job.

00:14:59.000 I know.

00:14:59.000 Now, one way you can do that is to say, get rid of Mackey Galley.

00:15:03.000 Rasputin.

00:15:04.000 I never did that.

00:15:06.000 And then finally, you were fired.

00:15:09.000 And I was like, well, patience is a virtue.

00:15:13.000 Waited a lie, quoted America.

00:15:17.000 That was the headline.

00:15:19.000 Bill Schultz finally fired.

00:15:22.000 Thanks, says America.

00:15:24.000 For you.

00:15:26.000 America wipes brow. 1.00

00:15:30.000 So I go, well, I finally got this job and I didn't cheat to get it.

00:15:33.000 I feel great about it.

00:15:34.000 You did it.

00:15:34.000 You were a good guy.

00:15:35.000 I strut into the second floor at Fox News.

00:15:37.000 Like that.

00:15:39.000 Hello, Bill.

00:15:40.000 I mean, Bill Thecher.

00:15:40.000 That was probably your first mistake.

00:15:42.000 Hi, Margaret.

00:15:42.000 What's your name, Suzanne?

00:15:43.000 And you wore two hats.

00:15:44.000 You had two hats.

00:15:45.000 Yeah, I wore a top hat with a baseball hat underneath.

00:15:47.000 That could have been a problem.

00:15:48.000 I was freezing out.

00:15:50.000 They might have looked better.

00:15:51.000 You know how cold the top of your head gets with just one top hat?

00:15:54.000 You need to insulate it with a yamaka.

00:15:57.000 So I removed my Bill the Butcher hat and my Yamaka that had the Pokemon logo on it.

00:16:03.000 Again, I don't know how this did work.

00:16:05.000 Good day, Mr. Shine.

00:16:06.000 Good day, Suzanne Scott.

00:16:07.000 Again, they're like, why are you saying good day?

00:16:09.000 That's not something that people say anymore.

00:16:11.000 And then I see something horrible on the couch in front of me.

00:16:15.000 And I should have known that the thing I'm looking at is the beginning of the end for me at Fox entirely.

00:16:22.000 And that was Joanne Nozychinsky.

00:16:25.000 And the horrible thing was obviously not her.

00:16:27.000 She's a raised eyebrow.

00:16:30.000 No, she's very nice.

00:16:31.000 Of course, we're friends.

00:16:32.000 And I thought, she hates him.

00:16:34.000 I thought, okay, well, we're friend.

00:16:40.000 So one-way stay.

00:16:41.000 She'd know how to non-pluralize. 0.63

00:16:44.000 Me and Joanne are great friends.

00:16:47.000 Joanne does love him.

00:16:49.000 So I realized, oh, they're going with the pretty girl.

00:16:52.000 And I can't wait.

00:16:53.000 I love this.

00:16:54.000 I didn't know this story.

00:16:54.000 Was she just like literally just sitting on the couch?

00:16:57.000 She was like legs crossed and just like looking at me like, yeah, her interview was either right before mine or right after mine.

00:17:03.000 And then I tune into Red Eye and there's Joanne No Syczynski, new contributor.

00:17:07.000 I did not go.

00:17:09.000 Son of a bee.

00:17:10.000 And then I realized that affirmative action, I mean, I'm sorry, but she had only been on a few episodes.

00:17:16.000 I'd been there for years.

00:17:17.000 Okay, I will counteract that with you were problematic.

00:17:21.000 And yeah, I'm drunk.

00:17:22.000 But you were problematic.

00:17:23.000 You were controversial.

00:17:24.000 You were the live wire.

00:17:26.000 You were something that could possibly be.

00:17:28.000 That was Red Eye.

00:17:29.000 That was the business plan.

00:17:30.000 That is not Fox News.

00:17:32.000 I understand, but it was a slam dunk.

00:17:33.000 Fox News is trying to be, well, they were trying to make Fox.

00:17:35.000 No, it's just like an investment portfolio.

00:17:38.000 You have your safe stocks, and then you have your 5% cookie stocks.

00:17:42.000 Red Eye was the 5% cookie stock.

00:17:44.000 They wanted to make Red Eye more of the rest of Fox News.

00:17:48.000 That's a bet.

00:17:50.000 That was half the reason I left.

00:17:52.000 Joanne was a safer bet than you. 1.00

00:17:55.000 Right, and more aesthetically pleasing, obviously.

00:17:57.000 But it's indicative of.

00:17:58.000 Very good legs.

00:17:59.000 Even though they hurt me.

00:18:01.000 I noticed that kept happening though.

00:18:02.000 Like Guy Benson, gay, conservative, intelligent gentleman. 0.96

00:18:06.000 But the fact that he was gay. 0.93

00:18:08.000 Oh, without a doubt. 0.50

00:18:09.000 And by the way, is he that entertaining?

00:18:13.000 I mean, I like him, but he's very smart.

00:18:15.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 You're entertaining, but you are a problem child.

00:18:20.000 You always have been.

00:18:21.000 You always will be.

00:18:21.000 Maybe I'm ignoring that factor for this story.

00:18:23.000 Maybe you're right.

00:18:24.000 But another one, Ebony Williams. 1.00

00:18:26.000 I was too.

00:18:27.000 She shows up out of nowhere, pretty black girl. 1.00

00:18:29.000 Oh, yes.

00:18:30.000 With not a lot to say.

00:18:32.000 Well, right to the top.

00:18:34.000 Yeah.

00:18:34.000 And that's when I realized, you know what?

00:18:36.000 A straight white male at Fox News is never really going to go anywhere.

00:18:40.000 You know, they've got their Hannity, they've got their Tucker.

00:18:42.000 They're good for straight white males. 0.98

00:18:44.000 They need gays, women, black women, black guys. 0.98

00:18:49.000 You were different than most straight white males. 0.98

00:18:52.000 I think I would have been.

00:18:53.000 You were.

00:18:53.000 I think that would have been a good thing.

00:18:56.000 They would worry about you for any live broadcast, and you know that.

00:19:00.000 From, and that's why I love you.

00:19:01.000 I did not.

00:19:02.000 By the way, it would come out of your mouth.

00:19:04.000 That's BS.

00:19:05.000 There's almost no I'm right.

00:19:07.000 There's very few live broadcasts.

00:19:08.000 I've heard it, Fox.

00:19:10.000 I never did any live broadcasting.

00:19:12.000 You did Hannity?

00:19:13.000 You did.

00:19:14.000 That's not live?

00:19:15.000 Was it on live?

00:19:16.000 I forgot.

00:19:17.000 It's at 5 p.m.

00:19:18.000 Then there's a reason they didn't have you on live broadcast because again.

00:19:22.000 Well, exactly.

00:19:23.000 But your whole pitch was you couldn't be hired because you're too contentious for live broadcasting.

00:19:27.000 And I just said that never came.

00:19:28.000 And when you're on Red Eye, you are expected to go on other places that will be live. 0.98

00:19:32.000 Like to promote Stupid Red Eye. 0.99

00:19:34.000 Yes, absolutely. 0.99

00:19:35.000 Okay, well, that never came up.

00:19:37.000 And by the way, I did, and it didn't work out well for me.

00:19:41.000 But I would go on live broadcasts like Fox Business, early shows on Fox News where they didn't care about the fact that I was on.

00:19:48.000 And I would say stuff that wasn't great.

00:19:51.000 And look at me.

00:19:54.000 And then take me out of the equation and put you into it.

00:19:58.000 It would have been ten times worse.

00:20:00.000 It would have been hilarious.

00:20:01.000 But you would have said something that would have made every executive at Fox News cringe.

00:20:06.000 And I fired immediately.

00:20:08.000 I think those were some of the best moments on Fox.

00:20:10.000 Like when I told, what's your name, that she'd be much happier at home, Tamara Holder.

00:20:14.000 Oh, my God.

00:20:15.000 That became a viral meeting that has defined her entire career.

00:20:19.000 She's that chick from Fox who got told she'd be happier at home.

00:20:22.000 Some of my favorite moments, unfortunately, as much as I'm loathe to give you credit, on Red Eye were because of you.

00:20:29.000 And another one that I remember is, I forget what prompted it, but it was when you pretended that your, what do they call it?

00:20:39.000 The ear phone thing.

00:20:41.000 Your earpiece?

00:20:42.000 Earpiece.

00:20:43.000 Yeah.

00:20:43.000 Again.

00:20:44.000 Oh, we were talking about the Jews.

00:20:45.000 Yeah.

00:20:45.000 And you're like, and I started to criticize them and pretend they got electricity.

00:20:49.000 Yeah, that's funny.

00:20:50.000 It was law.

00:20:51.000 And then at the end of it, you're like, what I was trying to say is, I wish there were more Jews. 1.00

00:20:58.000 Oh, it was great.

00:20:59.000 And I actually kind of peed in my pants on that one because that was great, Red Eye. 1.00

00:21:04.000 And that was why you were great on it was the fact that you would never be good on any of those other shows, especially if they're alive.

00:21:12.000 I was amazing on Hannity on a regular basis.

00:21:15.000 I destroyed on Kennedy on a regular basis.

00:21:18.000 Not much.

00:21:20.000 One thing I did edit, I was with Eric Bowling.

00:21:22.000 he was guest hosting Hannity, and he was talking about the...

00:21:27.000 Oh, really?

00:21:28.000 Yeah.

00:21:28.000 Oh, he works with you.

00:21:29.000 Yeah.

00:21:30.000 Yeah.

00:21:30.000 I got some stuff to say about Eric Bowling.

00:21:32.000 Are we going to edit some of this out there?

00:21:33.000 We are editing that out, yeah.

00:21:36.000 And he said he was talking about the correspondence dinner.

00:21:40.000 And I said, he goes, what do you think of that?

00:21:41.000 That's coming up.

00:21:42.000 And I go, great place to drop a bomb.

00:21:44.000 And then I realized he likes it.

00:21:48.000 And that was all cut.

00:21:49.000 So that was probably the most cut.

00:21:51.000 And then there was also the C-Word incident.

00:21:52.000 Did I ever tell you about that?

00:21:53.000 No.

00:21:54.000 Okay.

00:21:55.000 I may have told this too many times, but this is almost as bad as when Kiberly Guilfoyle walked in on me in the bathroom and I had had an incident.

00:22:04.000 And I had left the toilet and I was over with paper towels by the sink.

00:22:08.000 And she comes bounding in in her dress and just goes, Now this is a woman who only eats like raspberries and gold and sleeps. 1.00

00:22:16.000 She doesn't sleep on a bed. 1.00

00:22:17.000 She hovers over the ground and then doves come in like Snow White and they bring her socks and stuff.

00:22:24.000 Oh, treat, treat, treat, treat, treat, treat. 0.92

00:22:25.000 By the way, when you're a girlfriend, you know she takes massive dumps. 1.00

00:22:28.000 Oh, don't say that.

00:22:29.000 I'm not doing that.

00:22:30.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:22:32.000 Anyway, that was embarrassing that moment, and she never spoke to me again.

00:22:36.000 But the other one was I was getting mic'd up, and my joke for that is always the same.

00:22:42.000 I pretend it's super cold, and I go, oh, gee, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's freezing.

00:22:47.000 Another good joke is when you're getting makeup, you go, ow!

00:22:50.000 And it scares the crap out of the makeup arts. 0.98

00:22:51.000 I think it might have stolen that, brother.

00:22:53.000 It's funny.

00:22:55.000 It always delivers.

00:22:56.000 So you go, oh, Jesus, woo, that's freezing.

00:22:57.000 And then everyone's, ha, ha, ha.

00:22:59.000 And then you say, at least my gynecologist has the foresight to warm up his forceps.

00:23:04.000 And then that gets another laugh.

00:23:06.000 And then while everyone was all excited, and I'm kind of drunk with adoration, and I go, I can feel my crawling up into itself.

00:23:18.000 Is that a record scratch?

00:23:21.000 Yeah, that's me.

00:23:23.000 Let me tell you how I got here.

00:23:24.000 Total silence across the room, and everyone goes, you definitely did.

00:23:30.000 And then apparently, like, the sound lady or something sent a letter to HR.

00:23:33.000 Yeah, oh, but see, I remember the letter to HR.

00:23:36.000 I was told about it.

00:23:36.000 Now that was clearly, I mean, look, it was an inappropriate joke I went too far.

00:23:40.000 No one was hurt.

00:23:41.000 It wasn't like, yeah, I wouldn't mind grabbing your act.

00:23:43.000 Well, you weren't calling anyone else.

00:23:45.000 You were talking about your words.

00:23:46.000 It wasn't invasive.

00:23:47.000 Yeah, it was just a bad word.

00:23:48.000 By the way, you told me not to swear.

00:23:50.000 You just said the C word.

00:23:50.000 I know.

00:23:51.000 They have to edit that out.

00:23:52.000 Yeah, I'm so sorry, guys.

00:23:53.000 I'm not going to say it.

00:23:55.000 So she wrote this HR letter, and I got wind of it, and apparently in the letter, it said it said, and then he said, I've never actually typed this word before.

00:24:06.000 Here goes.

00:24:08.000 See you next Tuesday.

00:24:11.000 She had to wash her fingertips after that.

00:24:13.000 Now, I don't think she really believed that, or she was deeply offended.

00:24:17.000 I think she probably had a lawyer boyfriend. 1.00

00:24:19.000 He said, you can get a quarter mil from this.

00:24:21.000 Without a doubt.

00:24:21.000 Let's do it.

00:24:22.000 There's money going around.

00:24:23.000 It's money sitting on the floor.

00:24:24.000 Pick it up.

00:24:25.000 Yes, yes.

00:24:26.000 Great example, by the way, of how women don't belong in the workforce. 1.00

00:24:29.000 Because no guy would sit there.

00:24:31.000 I keep interrupting every time you talk. 0.98

00:24:33.000 No guy would sit there going, and then she turned to me and said, oh, I can't believe I've never typed penis before. 0.99

00:24:38.000 All right, here goes. 0.99

00:24:39.000 P-E-N-I-S. 1.00

00:24:42.000 Maybe we should.

00:24:43.000 I'm looking for extra cash.

00:24:44.000 I always thought the thing that would get you in trouble, which it never did, was I think it was like you had been on Red Eye a couple times, and you and I were starting to become buddies.

00:24:55.000 And you came on as your dad, but you did the full kilt.

00:24:59.000 And I was in the green room, and people were walking out.

00:25:02.000 Like, we're talking, God, I'm trying to remember.

00:25:04.000 Juliet Hadi was still on, and women are coming in and out. 1.00

00:25:08.000 And Gathard, Bastard that he is, was in his kilt pretending to be his dad. 0.98

00:25:14.000 He was going full on. 0.97

00:25:16.000 Very Andy Kaufman for his character on it.

00:25:18.000 Immersionism.

00:25:19.000 Yes.

00:25:20.000 And I'm just sitting there in the green room looking over my notes.

00:25:23.000 Actually, I can't read, so I was basically just looking at pictures.

00:25:27.000 But Gavin's like, Bill, Bill.

00:25:29.000 Stop talking to the camera, Keith.

00:25:31.000 Sorry, I'm looking at you.

00:25:32.000 And you're like, hey, Bill, so how you doing?

00:25:35.000 And you just sort of extend your leg.

00:25:37.000 And the kilt goes out, and I see the haggis that is your c ⁇ . 0.95

00:25:42.000 It really is.

00:25:42.000 It looks like it was incredibly chilly that day.

00:25:45.000 Yeah, oh, but it was still impressive.

00:25:48.000 You know, I'm glad that you're so drunk for this episode because.

00:25:52.000 Well, women were coming back and forth, and I think they didn't see some of that. 0.99

00:25:55.000 I always thought that was going to come out, but it was hilarious, obviously.

00:25:59.000 Shouldn't there be a thing with sexual harassment where it has to be seductive? 0.67

00:26:03.000 Like, there's one thing to whip it out in a comical way.

00:26:06.000 And it is a comical way.

00:26:07.000 That was comical.

00:26:08.000 Right.

00:26:08.000 That shouldn't be seen as sexual harassment.

00:26:10.000 That's funny.

00:26:11.000 Yeah, yes.

00:26:11.000 Whip it on a seductive way.

00:26:12.000 I would giggle.

00:26:13.000 That's a whole other world.

00:26:15.000 That's the Louis C.K. thing that people still demand.

00:26:17.000 Yeah, like in high school, we used to take our squirtle sacks out of our flies and we go, oh my God, I got gum on my pants.

00:26:23.000 I don't know who didn't do that.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, I do.

00:26:25.000 I don't know who didn't do that. 1.00

00:26:25.000 Do you ever do the one where you put your penis around your wrist and you draw one? 1.00

00:26:28.000 And you're like, what time is that? 0.99

00:26:29.000 Oh, my God, look at the time.

00:26:30.000 Well, I mean, I'm big enough where it was like a bigger watch.

00:26:34.000 I would just have four wristwatches.

00:26:36.000 No, what I do is I'd draw a boa constrictor on the back and I go, oh no, help, help.

00:26:41.000 It's wrapped around seven times.

00:26:44.000 I'm going to lose feeling in my hand.

00:26:46.000 I'm making some mental notes on how to make mine better.

00:26:49.000 But that was funny.

00:26:50.000 But a lot of, I don't know if you remember this, a lot of women came out back and forth in the green room seeing you do that. 0.90

00:26:57.000 And none of that, like, I always thought that was cool, too.

00:27:00.000 That was kind of before, it all started with the 20 million that, what was it, Gretchen Carlson got for, because Roderal said, you'd be doing a lot better if you slept with me. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Which here in New York, working with gays, I get comments like that.

00:27:13.000 I mean, not at CRTV, but at my old advertising job.

00:27:15.000 So I get CRTV. 0.90

00:27:16.000 I get gays saying stuff like that all the time.

00:27:18.000 And you just go, relax, Kevin. 0.96

00:27:21.000 You don't go, I need $20 million.

00:27:24.000 What an experience.

00:27:25.000 By the way, wouldn't it be smarter if you said, I need $20 million?

00:27:30.000 And they have $20 million.

00:27:32.000 Yeah, no.

00:27:32.000 No, it wouldn't hold up in court because we live in a reverse sexism where women can pretend that an inappropriate comment gave them nightmares.

00:27:40.000 It was more than that with Gretchen, though.

00:27:42.000 And I got to tell you, I will give Gretchen credit for this.

00:27:44.000 Now, I would always tell you this, like, Gretchen, I never understood Gretchen.

00:27:48.000 She had, like, doll's eyes.

00:27:49.000 Like, remember, like, were you ever on a show with Gretchen?

00:27:52.000 No.

00:27:52.000 She would look at you like, yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:27:55.000 Well, she probably has a Botox filler that takes the emotion out of your face. 1.00

00:27:59.000 Hi, Ben.

00:28:00.000 How are you doing?

00:28:00.000 And you're like, do I have something on my face?

00:28:02.000 What do you look like?

00:28:02.000 She looked like the first mechanical shark in Chaz.

00:28:06.000 Like, when her eyes rolled wide, like, and that was, that was it.

00:28:09.000 And I like, I couldn't, I didn't know where she was coming from.

00:28:13.000 I didn't know if she was human.

00:28:15.000 But she was smart in the sense that she would have multiple conversations with Roger Ailes.

00:28:21.000 And when Roger Ailes, which is creepy as hell, I'm sorry, I looked at the camera.

00:28:25.000 He would make sure he didn't have a cell phone in his office.

00:28:28.000 Well, what she did was have two cell phones.

00:28:30.000 But by the way, like, you would think their security would be better enough to be like, maybe they have two cell phones.

00:28:35.000 Let's check them out.

00:28:35.000 For herself.

00:28:36.000 Maybe she brought her friends. 0.98

00:28:38.000 Yeah, she was.

00:28:38.000 No, he was a creepy.

00:28:41.000 Everyone that had accusations with Roger Ailes before that didn't record anything.

00:28:45.000 So they were gone, and it never worked, quote unquote, in this business again.

00:28:49.000 She was smart enough to record it.

00:28:51.000 And so that's what brought him in.

00:28:52.000 Can we just say this?

00:28:54.000 Every time, I shouldn't say every time.

00:28:55.000 A lot of the time I hear about Me Too accusations, I look into it and I find out that it was something irrelevant, like Roger Ailes and Gretchen Carlson saying, you'd be doing a lot better if you stuck with me.

00:29:05.000 That's just an inappropriate comment.

00:29:06.000 There's more than that.

00:29:07.000 What else was there?

00:29:08.000 Well, no, he did the whole Roger Ailes thing.

00:29:11.000 He had her sit in her lap.

00:29:12.000 Are you sure she was part of that?

00:29:14.000 Yeah.

00:29:15.000 Well, we can look it up.

00:29:16.000 But yeah, absolutely.

00:29:18.000 Because that brings me to something where you hear the stories, you look into them, you talk to insiders, and you come up going, that's still pretty bad.

00:29:24.000 And the pretty bad thing I heard...

00:29:27.000 It's not on the overall scheme of things, it's not horrible.

00:29:31.000 No, I'm saying it is bad.

00:29:32.000 I'm saying what I heard Roger Ailes did, and there's no corroboration there, it's just rumors, but it was from pretty good sources, was that he would put women on his lap.

00:29:39.000 Yeah.

00:29:39.000 He'd put his hands up for his shirt, hold on to their upper rib cage, and then say, we need to do breathing exercises for your voice.

00:29:48.000 Me, me, me, me, me.

00:29:49.000 And I actually met a girl, I won't name names, who did it?

00:29:52.000 We both know a couple, we know at least three girls, you and I, and we won't name names.

00:29:58.000 Yes, there's no. 1.00

00:29:58.000 Who were so naive, I guess, or maybe dumb. 1.00

00:30:01.000 They were young. 1.00

00:30:02.000 And they were all like, Roger Elson. 0.94

00:30:05.000 And I go, well, yeah, I mean, there was this ridiculous thing.

00:30:08.000 And then I'd say to them, they go, yeah, vocal exercises.

00:30:11.000 I did those.

00:30:12.000 Yes.

00:30:12.000 And they go, wow, you got molested and you didn't even notice.

00:30:15.000 You didn't even know it.

00:30:16.000 You didn't even know it.

00:30:17.000 And by the way, kind of brilliant.

00:30:19.000 Kind of brilliant.

00:30:20.000 You got to get incredible work on this show.

00:30:22.000 Let me see how strong your lips are because you're going to be doing a lot of talking.

00:30:25.000 I love it.

00:30:26.000 And all of these girls that Gavin is mentioning that we will not mention, when they told us these stories, they were a little older.

00:30:34.000 But at the time, they were in their early 20s.

00:30:37.000 But you're right.

00:30:38.000 Even after the fact, they're like, man, it happened.

00:30:42.000 Like, it was a thing that happened.

00:30:44.000 Fox News has these group of women called Media Relations, and they go around Xing people for sins. 1.00

00:30:49.000 And I just think it's ironic that Rod Rails is up there groping while they were down there banishing guys like you and me for being a little tipsy.

00:30:56.000 The occasional episode.

00:30:58.000 That was my excuse.

00:30:59.000 You never did Red Eye Drunk, though.

00:31:01.000 I did Red Eye Drunk.

00:31:02.000 I never did Red Eye Drunk.

00:31:04.000 I did Red Eye in blackouts.

00:31:06.000 I know you have.

00:31:07.000 I was with you when you had your most blackout Red Eye. 0.57

00:31:11.000 And that was already funny.

00:31:11.000 No, the worst one was when I was with you.

00:31:13.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:31:14.000 I wasn't on Red Eye.

00:31:16.000 No, I was drinking with you.

00:31:17.000 You took your bike back to your place.

00:31:19.000 I got hit by several cars.

00:31:20.000 I saw you get hit by a carbs. 0.96

00:31:22.000 My arm was dark purple for a week, and then I had an open sore, like almost the size of a female genitalia, on my head. 0.85

00:31:29.000 And Jim Norton was there, and he goes, dude, are you bleeding?

00:31:32.000 And I look and I have blood pouring down behind my ear.

00:31:36.000 This was a low point.

00:31:38.000 And so I go, oh, geez.

00:31:39.000 So I get a wet wipe, and I'm lucky enough to not have any blood on my car.

00:31:43.000 I get a wet wipe, and I hold it on this giant wound, and I manage to cauterize the bleeding.

00:31:49.000 And then I just do a show with a suit that had been shredded from about three car accidents.

00:31:54.000 Yeah, and I'm going to give you credit for a great line.

00:31:57.000 But before I do that, I just want to preface the fact that Gavin and I were being a bad people earlier that day.

00:32:04.000 We were being a bad people.

00:32:05.000 We were being bad people collectively.

00:32:07.000 And you had a bike, and what did I do?

00:32:10.000 I tried to get that bike away from you. 0.59

00:32:12.000 I was like, we are too drunk.

00:32:13.000 I will not let you bike home.

00:32:15.000 I was trying to be responsible. 0.92

00:32:17.000 And you, like the petulant little man baby you are when you're drunk, you're like, yeah, yeah, Bill, I get it. 0.80

00:32:22.000 And then all of a sudden you're like, like taking a pacifier away. 0.80

00:32:26.000 And you just finally grab it.

00:32:27.000 And then I remember you get on your bike and I'm like, oh, he's going to die.

00:32:33.000 You hit a car.

00:32:35.000 You're still in your bike.

00:32:36.000 Oh, you're, say it was a cab or something like that.

00:32:40.000 Your bike hits the car and you somehow are able to like steady it and keep going.

00:32:45.000 And I'm like, I can't believe that just happened, but he's going to be dead by the time he gets home.

00:32:49.000 I almost got to go.

00:32:50.000 And I kept calling you.

00:32:51.000 You wouldn't pick up the phone.

00:32:53.000 I was very worried.

00:32:54.000 And then, like, you're sleeping on the, your wife wouldn't let you sleep with her. 0.65

00:32:59.000 And you're sleeping, like, on the floor.

00:33:01.000 And you're like, it was the middle of the day.

00:33:03.000 Yeah.

00:33:04.000 Yeah.

00:33:04.000 Red-eye shoots at eight.

00:33:05.000 There was no hanky-panky options.

00:33:07.000 The kids were sleeping.

00:33:08.000 Well, no, but like you were.

00:33:09.000 But I remember sleeping on the floor.

00:33:11.000 Bleeding onto the floor.

00:33:12.000 So I think you were very concerned.

00:33:14.000 And I couldn't believe that you came onto Red Eye.

00:33:17.000 All right.

00:33:17.000 So long story short, but that was it.

00:33:19.000 But they had planned on Gavin being there at the beginning.

00:33:23.000 And all of a sudden, Gavin shows up halfway tomorrow.

00:33:27.000 And you can see the makeup covering your wounds.

00:33:31.000 It was like your soft.

00:33:35.000 It just looked like you just had this weird welch that was the same color as your skin that they kind of. 1.00

00:33:40.000 You know what's funny about this whole show?

00:33:42.000 We're sitting here trying to parse what could possibly have got us banned from Fox News.

00:33:48.000 Well, we've already answered our own questions.

00:33:50.000 Was it Kimberly Milk Oil?

00:33:52.000 Was it Transcott in the Relations?

00:33:54.000 Was it the way I smoked in Henny?

00:33:56.000 No, it was bleeding all over the set after your fourth drunken car accident in one night.

00:34:02.000 We've already answered our own questions.

00:34:04.000 And we usually do if you parse it out.

00:34:08.000 That's the beauty of psychotherapy.

00:34:09.000 It presents a mirror and you see, oh, look who's at fault after all.

00:34:15.000 Moi, who has two thumbs and got himself fired for a moment.

00:34:19.000 I have seen the enemy and truly he is me.

00:34:24.000 And I'm butchering it, but like, they were just like, they were doing a where's Gabba Dave in the first half and all of a sudden you come in and you're clearly still a-hole drunk.

00:34:34.000 Like, like your eyes are wall, your eyes are looking at everywhere but the camera.

00:34:38.000 And you just go, you look at the camera though, and you're trying to, and you go, I've been here the whole time.

00:34:43.000 And like you did this surreal thing where like you guys, you guys are the ones that are effed up.

00:34:49.000 I've been here the whole time.

00:34:50.000 What's wrong with you?

00:34:51.000 And I'm butchering it, but look it up because it was brilliant.

00:34:55.000 I was doing this to you.

00:34:57.000 You know what I realized?

00:34:57.000 I was happy that you were alive.

00:34:58.000 We're running out of time here, but you know what I'm really talking to you is one of the biggest generation gaps is with drunkenly behavior.

00:35:05.000 And I'm sure millennials and people up to say 30 could watch this episode and go, I saw a really sad show about two addicts discussing the booze had done to their lives.

00:35:20.000 And I just, I wanted to hold them, you know.

00:35:22.000 And then all the terrible catastrophes that have befallen them since they pursued that deadly drug.

00:35:27.000 And then you get like 35 and up and they go, oh, you got to check out this interview with Bill and Gav.

00:35:34.000 They're laughing like Richard Harris and Lawrence Peter O'Toole.

00:35:38.000 Oh, the best drunken group.

00:35:40.000 That generation.

00:35:41.000 They laugh their heads off.

00:35:43.000 Do you know how many YouTube wormholes I go down of Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole stories?

00:35:47.000 Like when you get Richard Harris talking on Tonight Show like in 75.

00:35:51.000 Which one are you?

00:35:52.000 I want to be Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole.

00:35:54.000 You can be the first one.

00:35:56.000 You're smarter and you sort of have an affected thing about you, so you're Peter O'Toole.

00:35:59.000 I'm Peter O'Toole. 0.97

00:36:01.000 You're effeminate and you distract you.

00:36:02.000 No, but you have like an affected thing about you.

00:36:07.000 No, I think I'm Richard Harris.

00:36:09.000 I want to be Richard Harris.

00:36:10.000 I'm Richard Harris, man.

00:36:12.000 I'm Richard Harris.

00:36:12.000 Welcome back to the Richard Harris Show, where I'm Richard Harris, and it's my show, and I decide, I'm Batman.

00:36:18.000 All right, fine, he's Richard Harris.

00:36:19.000 You're Robin. 0.56

00:36:19.000 I would love to be Peter Arturo, with the extended cigarettes, and just darling, and you think he's gay, but it's just unexpected. 0.56

00:36:27.000 That's you in a nutshell. 0.81

00:36:28.000 All right.

00:36:28.000 Do you know the story about them?

00:36:29.000 I will be Peter Arturo.

00:36:30.000 Do you know the story about them?

00:36:31.000 Darling, I will be Peter Arturo. 0.99

00:36:32.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:36:32.000 Do you know the story about them doing some theater, Shakespeare, whatever, and there was, I guess it was Macbeth, or I don't know Shakespeare, but there were characters at the very beginning, very drawn out, and then they didn't have a speaking part until the very end. 1.00

00:36:45.000 So they would go out the back to a pub.

00:36:48.000 You think I don't know this?

00:36:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 They'd be drinking wine, unfortunately.

00:36:51.000 I don't like that part of the story, but they're chucking out on the back, and then they had their watch, and they go, Oh, my Lord!

00:36:56.000 We're on!

00:36:57.000 So they start sprinting down the hallway, and they sprint through the stage, and then Richard Harris comes out, but he's so fat, and he has such intense velocity, that he goes rocketing off the stage, and lands in the audience Yes!

00:37:11.000 on someone's lap, and he goes, Whoops!

00:37:13.000 And there's this old lady, some rich old lady, he's landing in her lap, and she looks up, and she goes, Harris is drunk!

00:37:20.000 And then Richard Harris, without missing a beat, goes, You think I'm bad?

00:37:24.000 Wait till O'Toole comes in!

00:37:25.000 Accurate, accurate, accurate.

00:37:28.000 So you've been on the same YouTube wormhole that I have been on, which is every Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole story ever done!

00:37:36.000 Yeah, I saw him say that on Letterman.

00:37:37.000 And there's so many great ones!

00:37:38.000 And you know that one where they went to that bar in some sort of like nondescript Irish town, and they were there for whatever reason, and the bar wouldn't serve them, so they bought the bar!

00:37:50.000 They bought the bar!

00:37:52.000 They just, they're like, well, this is, how they are regular, and they put up a check, and then they went to, the guy that they bought the bar from, they ended up being a great friend, and they went to his funeral, but they went to the wrong funeral!

00:38:03.000 Oh, all true!

00:38:06.000 Look up Richard Harris, Peter O'Toole stories, and know that you will never be Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole.

00:38:12.000 I don't care how drunk you are, I don't care how great you think your drunk buddies are, you will never be them.

00:38:18.000 They are the best!

00:38:19.000 That scene, by the way, is right out of Withnil and I, at the end, towards them, where they go to the Tenerife Cafe, and they go, call security, there's two drunks here, and they go, we have just, bought this place for multi-millionaires!

00:38:34.000 I think they-We want the finest wines known to humanity, and you're all fired!

00:38:37.000 I think they stole that from the original story!

00:38:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah!

00:38:41.000 They had to have!

00:38:42.000 Yeah!

00:38:42.000 Oh, it's a legendary,

00:38:44.000 and yeah they went they were they became very good friends with the owner and they're like uh uh richer we should go to the funeral we we we go and we travel over to ireland and we go to the funeral and we we say our respects and he actually does a speech and at the middle of the funeral they're like we're at the wrong place everyone's like what is that yeah it was like what is peter told richer was doing here and with his stupid coral developing right they're looking in the coffin like that's a child that died of cancer.

00:39:16.000 Yes.

00:39:17.000 They are the best.

00:39:18.000 There will never be drugs like them.

00:39:20.000 As much as you and I try.

00:39:22.000 You were just laughing at a dead child.

00:39:24.000 You know what?

00:39:25.000 That child is in a better place because of Trump's inheritance.

00:39:29.000 I think we're going to have to go.

00:39:30.000 Thank you for tuning in here.

00:39:31.000 We were all having a great time until Bill ruined it by mocking a dead infant.

00:39:38.000 That's really...

00:39:41.000 I don't think we can.

00:39:43.000 Young people, thank you for watching two sad drunks discuss their horrible addiction.

00:39:48.000 I'm Richard Harris.

00:39:49.000 And thank you for older guys.

00:39:52.000 How about those crazy times we have, huh?

00:39:54.000 Get up alone.

00:40:01.000 Now all I have in my head is all I want to do this afternoon.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - September 25, 2018

Ep 189 | I Will Fight For Justice | Get Off My Lawn

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