Bill Schultz is a comedian and host of the podcast I Like Hanging Out with, in which I interview friends of mine who are also hosts of their own show, and they help keep the conversation going faster. In this episode, I interview Bill about how he broke his leg in a fight with his younger brother, and how he pretended it didn t hurt.
Transcript
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00:00:21.000It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.
00:00:28.000Hi folks, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
00:00:31.000This is part two in my series called Hosts I Like Hanging Out With, wherein I interview friends of mine who are also hosts of their own show because hosts tend to be more didactic and charming and they help keep the conversation going.
00:01:28.000Now, if you can pulverize someone, usually your little brother, right there, and you do it, I like to go like this and just do a little whack, like a little ball peen hammer.
00:01:38.000All right, by the way, look at the way your hand is positioned.
00:01:42.000That's why I broke this scaphoid, which is a hard bone to break, I've learned.
00:06:01.000And we all went out for drinks after, and there was a real sort of, like, I noticed this at Rebel in Canada, where the staff and the cameraman and everyone all go out for drinks after.
00:11:15.000I think male friendships, or maybe all friendships, I can't speak for a woman, have this sort of a cell phone contract where about every year you're asked if you want to renew your contract.
00:11:26.000And most of the time you're like, yep, put it through.
00:12:25.000The executive editor of the New York Times, Jill Abramson.
00:12:28.000And I said, there's all this talk about how you're not at the New York Times anymore because you were complaining about pay and how women get paid less than men.
00:12:36.000And there's all these different narratives unfurled.
00:12:39.000But I think at the end of the day, Jill, you didn't have enough beers with Pinch.
00:21:55.000I may have told this too many times, but this is almost as bad as when Kiberly Guilfoyle walked in on me in the bathroom and I had had an incident.
00:22:04.000And I had left the toilet and I was over with paper towels by the sink.
00:22:08.000And she comes bounding in in her dress and just goes, Now this is a woman who only eats like raspberries and gold and sleeps.
00:23:55.000So she wrote this HR letter, and I got wind of it, and apparently in the letter, it said it said, and then he said, I've never actually typed this word before.
00:24:44.000I always thought the thing that would get you in trouble, which it never did, was I think it was like you had been on Red Eye a couple times, and you and I were starting to become buddies.
00:24:55.000And you came on as your dad, but you did the full kilt.
00:24:59.000And I was in the green room, and people were walking out.
00:25:02.000Like, we're talking, God, I'm trying to remember.
00:25:04.000Juliet Hadi was still on, and women are coming in and out.
00:25:08.000And Gathard, Bastard that he is, was in his kilt pretending to be his dad.
00:26:50.000But a lot of, I don't know if you remember this, a lot of women came out back and forth in the green room seeing you do that.
00:26:57.000And none of that, like, I always thought that was cool, too.
00:27:00.000That was kind of before, it all started with the 20 million that, what was it, Gretchen Carlson got for, because Roderal said, you'd be doing a lot better if you slept with me.
00:27:09.000Which here in New York, working with gays, I get comments like that.
00:27:13.000I mean, not at CRTV, but at my old advertising job.
00:27:32.000No, it wouldn't hold up in court because we live in a reverse sexism where women can pretend that an inappropriate comment gave them nightmares.
00:27:40.000It was more than that with Gretchen, though.
00:27:42.000And I got to tell you, I will give Gretchen credit for this.
00:27:44.000Now, I would always tell you this, like, Gretchen, I never understood Gretchen.
00:28:54.000Every time, I shouldn't say every time.
00:28:55.000A lot of the time I hear about Me Too accusations, I look into it and I find out that it was something irrelevant, like Roger Ailes and Gretchen Carlson saying, you'd be doing a lot better if you stuck with me.
00:29:18.000Because that brings me to something where you hear the stories, you look into them, you talk to insiders, and you come up going, that's still pretty bad.
00:29:32.000I'm saying what I heard Roger Ailes did, and there's no corroboration there, it's just rumors, but it was from pretty good sources, was that he would put women on his lap.
00:30:44.000Fox News has these group of women called Media Relations, and they go around Xing people for sins.
00:30:49.000And I just think it's ironic that Rod Rails is up there groping while they were down there banishing guys like you and me for being a little tipsy.
00:34:09.000It presents a mirror and you see, oh, look who's at fault after all.
00:34:15.000Moi, who has two thumbs and got himself fired for a moment.
00:34:19.000I have seen the enemy and truly he is me.
00:34:24.000And I'm butchering it, but like, they were just like, they were doing a where's Gabba Dave in the first half and all of a sudden you come in and you're clearly still a-hole drunk.
00:34:34.000Like, like your eyes are wall, your eyes are looking at everywhere but the camera.
00:34:38.000And you just go, you look at the camera though, and you're trying to, and you go, I've been here the whole time.
00:34:43.000And like you did this surreal thing where like you guys, you guys are the ones that are effed up.
00:34:58.000We're running out of time here, but you know what I'm really talking to you is one of the biggest generation gaps is with drunkenly behavior.
00:35:05.000And I'm sure millennials and people up to say 30 could watch this episode and go, I saw a really sad show about two addicts discussing the booze had done to their lives.
00:35:20.000And I just, I wanted to hold them, you know.
00:35:22.000And then all the terrible catastrophes that have befallen them since they pursued that deadly drug.
00:35:27.000And then you get like 35 and up and they go, oh, you got to check out this interview with Bill and Gav.
00:35:34.000They're laughing like Richard Harris and Lawrence Peter O'Toole.
00:36:32.000Do you know the story about them doing some theater, Shakespeare, whatever, and there was, I guess it was Macbeth, or I don't know Shakespeare, but there were characters at the very beginning, very drawn out, and then they didn't have a speaking part until the very end.
00:36:45.000So they would go out the back to a pub.
00:36:57.000So they start sprinting down the hallway, and they sprint through the stage, and then Richard Harris comes out, but he's so fat, and he has such intense velocity, that he goes rocketing off the stage, and lands in the audience Yes!
00:37:11.000on someone's lap, and he goes, Whoops!
00:37:13.000And there's this old lady, some rich old lady, he's landing in her lap, and she looks up, and she goes, Harris is drunk!
00:37:20.000And then Richard Harris, without missing a beat, goes, You think I'm bad?
00:37:38.000And you know that one where they went to that bar in some sort of like nondescript Irish town, and they were there for whatever reason, and the bar wouldn't serve them, so they bought the bar!
00:37:52.000They just, they're like, well, this is, how they are regular, and they put up a check, and then they went to, the guy that they bought the bar from, they ended up being a great friend, and they went to his funeral, but they went to the wrong funeral!
00:38:19.000That scene, by the way, is right out of Withnil and I, at the end, towards them, where they go to the Tenerife Cafe, and they go, call security, there's two drunks here, and they go, we have just, bought this place for multi-millionaires!
00:38:34.000I think they-We want the finest wines known to humanity, and you're all fired!
00:38:37.000I think they stole that from the original story!
00:38:44.000and yeah they went they were they became very good friends with the owner and they're like uh uh richer we should go to the funeral we we we go and we travel over to ireland and we go to the funeral and we we say our respects and he actually does a speech and at the middle of the funeral they're like we're at the wrong place everyone's like what is that yeah it was like what is peter told richer was doing here and with his stupid coral developing right they're looking in the coffin like that's a child that died of cancer.