Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - Ep 193 | Road Trip | Get Off My Lawn

00:00:34.000 Don't FaceTime while you're at the party.

00:00:36.000 FaceTime me when you get home.

00:00:38.000 Don't send me videos you already put on Snapchat.

00:00:43.000 Those are all handy tips from Riffraff, who was a popular rapper.

00:00:48.000 I believe he's Floridian.

00:00:50.000 He's got Eminem on his new album, a new album coming out called Vanilla Gorilla.

00:00:54.000 And he basically said he's coming out of retirement because rappers suck now.

00:00:59.000 He said they're all wimps and they look weak like they've never been to the gym.

00:01:03.000 And the reason I care about all of this is to tell you that Riffraff is hilarious.

00:01:09.000 He's a really funny dude.

00:01:12.000 And that's rare.

00:01:13.000 It's not that rare in hardcore, as I told you in a previous episode.

00:01:16.000 But rappers like Eminem, goddamn, every time you see a picture of him, he's going, he's so sexy.

00:01:23.000 He honestly poses in photos like a woman. 0.97

00:01:27.000 Like that chick who's in the new Jurassic world. 0.80

00:01:30.000 She's super pretty. 1.00

00:01:31.000 But every scene in the movie, she's being beautiful.

00:01:35.000 And they're explaining, okay, so there's going to be dinosaurs there, and we want you to help them get them out.

00:01:39.000 And she's just going, like being gorgeous in every shot. 0.99

00:01:43.000 And it's like, lady, relax.

00:01:44.000 I'm not into you.

00:01:45.000 You're not my type.

00:01:46.000 Stop wowing us with your gorgeosity.

00:01:49.000 And that's what Eminem does.

00:01:51.000 I think he's had work done too.

00:01:52.000 So he's like, holy crap, I'm beautiful.

00:01:54.000 Remember when he was funny?

00:01:56.000 He started out as a funny dude, and then he became Victoria Beckham.

00:02:01.000 He's like posh spice now.

00:02:03.000 See, I'm not sure if it's beauty he's going for or if it's like iconic.

00:02:08.000 I'm iconic.

00:02:10.000 Yeah, yeah, you're probably right.

00:02:11.000 He's going for like a Muhammad Ali.

00:02:13.000 I'm a legend.

00:02:14.000 Stoic.

00:02:15.000 One of the original great rappers, like Mount Rushmore face all the time.

00:02:18.000 Exactly.

00:02:19.000 Yeah, I am the statue of myself.

00:02:21.000 I'm one for the books.

00:02:26.000 That's lame to think that you're a consequential person in history.

00:02:30.000 I think it quietly in my own bedroom, privately, but I never say it out loud.

00:02:35.000 I just, out loud, I go, just like you or me, I put my pants on the same leg.

00:02:40.000 And then when I'm in the shower, I look at my body and I go, this is divine intervention.

00:02:45.000 We have the second coming.

00:02:47.000 We have the Messiah.

00:02:49.000 I am the one.

00:02:52.000 So this dude, Riffraff, clearly doesn't have a very exalted opinion of himself.

00:02:58.000 He has a sense of humor about himself still, despite his fame.

00:03:01.000 Remember the movie Spring Break?

00:03:02.000 I think Harmony Corinne made it.

00:03:04.000 It's really, really good.

00:03:06.000 Did he make that?

00:03:07.000 Pretty sure.

00:03:08.000 Oh, wow.

00:03:09.000 And the guy that James Jafranco plays is a Riffraff type character, and Riffraff tried to sue him.

00:03:16.000 Anyway, Riffraff has since moved on from that persona.

00:03:19.000 Now he's doing more of a redneck thing. 0.87

00:03:21.000 But just check out any of his videos.

00:03:22.000 What do you got there?

00:03:23.000 Oh, this is a good one.

00:03:24.000 Well, looks like I got to put in my two weeks' notice down here at the construction plant.

00:03:30.000 Had to call up my good friend Ronnie J and show, boys, how it's done.

00:03:35.000 What are you doing?

00:03:36.000 I can't believe I had to come out of retirement.

00:03:38.000 Because I'm going to tell you what.

00:03:40.000 Every single one of these looks the same.

00:03:42.000 Y'all must have the same hairdresser.

00:03:44.000 Y'all must have the same mammy and the same papa because your DNA is the same. 0.71

00:03:49.000 Y'all about five for something or other.

00:03:50.000 Y'all got the same names, little such and such, little scratch or snip.

00:03:54.000 And ain't Nan Woody ever go to the gym? 1.00

00:03:56.000 What you gonna do when that vanilla gorilla album drops?

00:03:58.000 You gonna call up your mammy while you're up under your fork tent playing forkknife? 1.00

00:04:02.000 And she's gonna bring you a little eight-ounce sun kiss? 1.00

00:04:04.000 Ain't gonna happen.

00:04:06.000 What's you gonna do when the vanilla gorilla album drops on you?

00:04:12.000 Do you?

00:04:16.000 That's a promo he made for his album with zero dollars.

00:04:20.000 That's just Snapchat.

00:04:22.000 That guy rules.

00:04:23.000 I know.

00:04:24.000 You gotta follow him on Instagram.

00:04:26.000 But pull back to his main page and check out.

00:04:28.000 He does this Swedish character.

00:04:36.000 Sergei Dev Slater.

00:04:38.000 The second, of course.

00:04:39.000 Over here's my friend Emily. 0.91

00:04:40.000 Of course, come on.

00:04:41.000 My side.

00:04:42.000 Hot chicken stace.

00:04:45.000 Okay.

00:04:45.000 You don't want to join me.

00:04:47.000 go ahead and just keep things rolling over here this right here this position right here is known as the maui edition it's for it's not It's not even intermittent.

00:04:56.000 Come on, Don Justin.

00:04:58.000 Get a fan.

00:05:00.000 Emily.

00:05:04.000 Let me corner.

00:05:09.000 Just take a sip of this.

00:05:11.000 Look at this.

00:05:12.000 Watch your balance and your palate.

00:05:15.000 Bring some nice fruit friends here right now. 0.53

00:05:18.000 We got an importer from Switzerland.

00:05:20.000 The third Alp from the Sun.

00:05:23.000 I've seen it literally about a thousand times.

00:05:26.000 I hope this isn't Vic Berger who did this.

00:05:29.000 It looks like it was produced by Adult Swim.

00:05:31.000 Uh-oh, that's bad news.

00:05:32.000 Vic Berger?

00:05:33.000 Yeah, my stalker?

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:36.000 Sucks when your stalker makes a funny video of a cool dude.

00:05:39.000 Here's my plan for today's show.

00:05:40.000 Thursday is like our Friday, and it should be a fun laid-back show.

00:05:45.000 You're partying now.

00:05:46.000 I think the squares are the ones who party on Friday, right?

00:05:48.000 You're cool.

00:05:48.000 You party on Thursday and Monday and stuff when it's not too crowded out there.

00:05:52.000 You like to recharge your bats on Fry.

00:05:55.000 So I thought it'd be a fun thing to, a fun opportunity to discuss my road trip I did with my family.

00:06:01.000 Now look this up.

00:06:02.000 There's a million articles about this.

00:06:03.000 Road trips are very healthy.

00:06:05.000 I know it sounds rough.

00:06:07.000 A lot of driving.

00:06:08.000 You can usually take it down to four hour spurts.

00:06:11.000 And that's what I did.

00:06:13.000 I mean, there was a couple six hour sessions, but we rented a big sprinter van.

00:06:18.000 You got that picture?

00:06:19.000 Rented one of these puppies.

00:06:20.000 You don't have to do that.

00:06:21.000 This was like $400 a day.

00:06:23.000 It was pretty expensive.

00:06:24.000 But it had tons of seats and rooms and shelves.

00:06:28.000 And it had a big movie screen in the back.

00:06:31.000 So the kids would watch a movie.

00:06:32.000 Only thing distracting about that is when there's a car chase scene and you hear an alarm, a cop siren, wee, wee, wee, and you poop your panties. 0.75

00:06:42.000 You make the poo-poo. 1.00

00:06:44.000 But I want to show you a map my wife and I mapped out.

00:06:47.000 This is what we did.

00:06:48.000 I can't recommend this enough.

00:06:49.000 It was one of our best vacations we've ever had.

00:06:51.000 And it was relatively cheap besides the Sprinter van.

00:06:54.000 We've been to Atlantis, we've been to Jamaica, you know, fun little inclusive deals that are super pricey.

00:06:59.000 This one was way cheaper than any of that.

00:07:01.000 And there was way more fun and variety for the kids.

00:07:04.000 I don't really like resorts anymore.

00:07:06.000 Like Atlantis costs a fortune, and it's like the same thing.

00:07:09.000 You do the water slide, you wait in line a lot, then what are you doing?

00:07:12.000 You're just sitting around in the hotel, you go out to dinner.

00:07:14.000 I don't know.

00:07:15.000 This is a different city several times a day.

00:07:18.000 So we start in New York City.

00:07:20.000 We go to Cooperstown where the Baseball Hall of Fame is.

00:07:23.000 My son is obsessed with baseball, so he's thrilled.

00:07:27.000 We barely see him actually because he runs ahead of us.

00:07:29.000 But there's tons of family stuff in Cooperstown too, like those lock boxes, you know those?

00:07:35.000 They lock you in a room, and there's one key to get out.

00:07:39.000 But to get the key, you have to go to this thing and then get this.

00:07:42.000 And there's a clue that takes you to this box, and then that clue takes you that.

00:07:44.000 And there's different themed ones, like baseball-themed questions or rock and roll-themed questions.

00:07:49.000 Was it challenging?

00:07:50.000 Because I'm familiar with those things, but is it?

00:07:53.000 But what they do is there's a guy watching you because he doesn't want you to die in there.

00:07:58.000 So he'll say, you're bucking up the wrong tree or something, or you were warmer earlier.

00:08:04.000 They give you clues when you're screwing up.

00:08:08.000 But it's also breathtaking.

00:08:09.000 So we'll get there, Cooperstown.

00:08:11.000 And then we went to go back to the map.

00:08:12.000 Then we went to Rochester, New York, where there's the play museum called the Strong Museum.

00:08:18.000 I'll show you that.

00:08:20.000 Then we went to Niagara Falls, which is tacky and post-apocalyptic and sad, but also beautiful.

00:08:26.000 My wife and I are fans of it.

00:08:28.000 I think because we're genetically white trash, our parents were very poor, so we kind of like trashy things, but you kind of juxtapose it with fancy by staying at a nice hotel the last couple nights.

00:08:38.000 So that's a weird taste you might not be into, and I totally understand if you weren't.

00:08:42.000 Then Niagara Falls all the way to Perth, because I have friends there with a farm, a bee farm that I've, a friend I've had since I was a kid.

00:08:50.000 Not a kid, but like a 20-year-old.

00:08:52.000 He was my boss tree planting.

00:08:53.000 Then it was Ottawa to see the parents.

00:08:56.000 Tried not to get in a fight with my dad or my mom there.

00:08:59.000 That's always a challenge.

00:09:00.000 Then over to Montreal, see my old buddies from my old hometown.

00:09:04.000 And then it's six hours back down to New York City.

00:09:07.000 Totally awesome.

00:09:08.000 Want to go through it with us?

00:09:10.000 Oh, geez, there's one picture.

00:09:13.000 There's one picture I got to show you.

00:09:16.000 Poop La Roop. 0.95

00:09:18.000 I didn't see it in the Perth ones.

00:09:21.000 To jump ahead, my farmer buddy, my farmer buddy, he had these guys repair, sorry, install lighting in his workshop.

00:09:35.000 Now, what's crazy about that is they are retired teachers, and it's really hard to find laborers these days.

00:09:44.000 So he got these retired teachers, and as I've always said, teachers are incompetent.

00:09:48.000 No, I'll find it.

00:09:50.000 Teachers are incompetent, so they can't even do the same kind of jobs you and I would do when we were 17.

00:09:56.000 Like if we were told, can you help light this studio?

00:09:58.000 We'd say, yeah, no problem.

00:09:59.000 I'll hook it up.

00:10:01.000 And oh, here, I found it.

00:10:02.000 It's the greatest.

00:10:02.000 Oh, my God.

00:10:04.000 So teachers are boobs. 1.00

00:10:06.000 And I think they come out of their careers retiring early with way too much money.

00:10:11.000 And they end up dumber and less competent than when they went into their profession.

00:10:18.000 So when they get to this guy who just makes honey on an industrial level, right, he just wants a place.

00:10:24.000 He totally mouse-proofed it, which in the country is amazing.

00:10:27.000 Steel everywhere.

00:10:28.000 It's airtight.

00:10:29.000 There's no way a mouse could get in.

00:10:31.000 And look at the lighting they provided for my farmer buddy.

00:10:37.000 Look at that job.

00:10:39.000 Look at that.

00:10:41.000 Their idea was variety.

00:10:43.000 You don't want cold fluorescent light.

00:10:46.000 Yes, I do.

00:10:47.000 I'm looking at honey.

00:10:48.000 I want to see if there's like drops of dirt or stuff and stuff like that in it.

00:10:53.000 I want clinical.

00:10:54.000 I want hospital.

00:10:55.000 It looks, I said, dude, you have to take this down.

00:10:59.000 It looks like the lighting section of Home Depot was vandalized.

00:11:04.000 Zoom in on some of those.

00:11:06.000 Now, if you don't find this interesting, then this show is going to suck and you should just turn it off right now.

00:11:12.000 But can you believe that abomination?

00:11:15.000 That's some random, like, apartment in the city's kitchen light.

00:11:19.000 And then right next to that, there's a totally different...

00:11:27.000 They're all different.

00:11:28.000 They're all different.

00:11:31.000 Those two are the same.

00:11:32.000 And then look at the way they're presented even.

00:11:34.000 That's irritating.

00:11:36.000 The cord on the cord on the cord.

00:11:38.000 Now maybe you have a snowball's chance in hell of convincing me that this was a good idea if say you chose one of those lights and it was just like 36 of them, all identical, beautifully set into the wall with no visible cords.

00:11:56.000 Maybe we would have, probably not, but maybe you would have something to say, but what the F is this?

00:12:05.000 That's teachers.

00:12:06.000 And you know what else they did?

00:12:08.000 They finished, helped her finish the basement, and they said, they're almost done, everything's looking good.

00:12:12.000 And then they say, his wife's name's Maria, and they make a sign, they hand-paint a sign, and they nail it into the wall, big holes in the wall, and it says, Maria's yoga studio.

00:12:24.000 It's not her yoga studio.

00:12:26.000 Yeah, I do yoga.

00:12:26.000 What?

00:12:27.000 It's none of your business.

00:12:28.000 I don't teach it.

00:12:29.000 Why'd you drill that sign into our new wall?

00:12:33.000 Teachers, man.

00:12:34.000 Teachers.

00:12:35.000 Incompetent.

00:12:38.000 I laughed my head off at that ceiling for about four minutes, and I think I woke up laughing the next day.

00:12:38.000 I found that.

00:12:44.000 Anyway, so let's go back to the trip.

00:12:47.000 We leave New York.

00:12:48.000 Choo-woo, everybody in.

00:12:50.000 That thing is so gigantic that you barely have to think about packing.

00:12:53.000 You just throw stuff in the back.

00:12:54.000 And the beauty of renting a big van like that, too, is you can have two big trunks that you can barely Lift and just throw everything in that.

00:13:03.000 So we go to Cooperstown and let me share some pics with you.

00:13:07.000 I feel like maybe we should have music to this show.

00:13:10.000 There's my son.

00:13:11.000 Of course, I am being stalked and harassed by mentally ill Antifa lunatics, so I can't show you my children's faces.

00:13:19.000 You'll notice that the left can show faces all day long.

00:13:22.000 Chris Hayes, Rachel Meadow, go look at their kids anytime you want.

00:13:26.000 My kids, I gotta hide.

00:13:27.000 So anyway, go back.

00:13:28.000 That was at the Otessaga Resort and Hotel, which is a beautiful hotel right on the water in Cooperstown.

00:13:35.000 Cooperstown is near Albany in upstate New York.

00:13:37.000 It's where the Baseball Hall of Fame is.

00:13:38.000 Now, this hotel is breathtaking.

00:13:40.000 Maybe you could pull up a picture of it.

00:13:43.000 The reason it exists is a great story.

00:13:45.000 There was Singer, the guy who made the sewing machines, right?

00:13:49.000 Way back in, I think, the 20s, he said, I have this brilliant idea for a sewing machine.

00:13:54.000 We could make it on an industrial level, but we could also make it so, I could get it so cheap.

00:13:59.000 I could make it so cheap that households would buy it.

00:14:02.000 And now moms can make their own clothes and everyone can save tons of money. 1.00

00:14:06.000 And it could be not just in America, but in Britain too.

00:14:10.000 In fact, we should make this the place in Scotland.

00:14:13.000 We'll make the main office, the main factory in Scotland, and we'll be shipping out more than we can, more than, more orders than we can fulfill.

00:14:19.000 But I don't have any money.

00:14:20.000 I just know it's a great idea.

00:14:22.000 And so some New York copyright lawyer goes, how about this?

00:14:25.000 Give me 40%, or I don't know what his percentage was.

00:14:28.000 I'll do all the paperwork, file all the trademarks, do all the work.

00:14:30.000 I'll bust my ass for a year, but I get a percentage of the company.

00:14:33.000 He goes, no problem.

00:14:34.000 They both become billionaires way back then.

00:14:38.000 Multi-millionaires.

00:14:40.000 So with this insane amount of money he has, the lawyer, he starts buying real estate.

00:14:44.000 He builds the Dakota building in New York City where John Lennon was shot.

00:14:48.000 And he purchases this hotel.

00:14:51.000 What a butte.

00:14:52.000 Look at that place.

00:14:53.000 And it's as beautiful inside as it is outside.

00:14:57.000 So that's the kids playing in the pool.

00:14:59.000 So classy and clean and civilized.

00:15:03.000 So civilized.

00:15:04.000 It makes you long for the 1950s, doesn't it?

00:15:10.000 When boys were boys and men were men.

00:15:13.000 All right, let's show some more pics.

00:15:16.000 Is that one?

00:15:17.000 Oh, this is an awesome place.

00:15:17.000 Yes.

00:15:19.000 It's a batting cage.

00:15:20.000 What the hell is it called?

00:15:22.000 My mind always blanks on the name of some places, but it's right by the parking lot, by the main parking lot by, I think I have it there.

00:15:34.000 Firefighters.

00:15:34.000 There we go.

00:15:35.000 No, that's not what it's called.

00:15:37.000 It's a batting cage.

00:15:38.000 It's got old-timey video games.

00:15:40.000 It's also got a pitching cage.

00:15:42.000 It's super cheap.

00:15:44.000 And you go there, you get a beer, a hot dog.

00:15:46.000 You play Space Invaders.

00:15:48.000 You whip a ball at for me, 50 miles an hour.

00:15:52.000 My son, I think, is faster than me.

00:15:54.000 You hit a bunch of balls at any speed you want.

00:15:56.000 They got all kinds of different settings.

00:15:58.000 It's one of the best places on Earth.

00:15:59.000 Every time we go there, we spend the majority of our time there.

00:16:02.000 It's kind of trashy and kind of awesome.

00:16:05.000 I want to open one of my own.

00:16:07.000 This was on the street.

00:16:08.000 There's sort of a main drag.

00:16:10.000 My son goes into every store.

00:16:10.000 I don't know.

00:16:11.000 It's all the same shirts and like Yankees hats and Mets shoes and stuff.

00:16:16.000 Oh, I did purchase this.

00:16:18.000 Look at this cool jacket I got.

00:16:21.000 See the back?

00:16:22.000 World Series champions.

00:16:24.000 Of course, to be Braggadocious as a Mets fan and talk about how awesome you are as a World Series championship, you have to be wearing a shirt from 1986.

00:16:34.000 You got to go pretty far back to brag with the Mets, but I don't know.

00:16:40.000 I feel like this is kind of like Bobo, like a whackpacker would wear this jacket. 0.99

00:16:44.000 It's sort of like a mentally handicapped person would wear this. 0.99

00:16:48.000 But I guess you have to be mentally handicapped to love the Mets. 1.00

00:16:51.000 So that's a cool motorcycle with a bunch of art on it.

00:16:54.000 You know, famous baseball guys.

00:16:56.000 Keep going.

00:16:58.000 That was people playing the national anthem in a band voluntarily on the grass at that Odissaga hotel in the evening as we ate dinner.

00:17:12.000 I mean, what is in heaven?

00:17:15.000 I guess there was no curse.

00:17:16.000 Chicago, the Chicago Cubs just sucked for 18 years.

00:17:22.000 That's a cool shirt.

00:17:24.000 Just your team sucks.

00:17:25.000 There was that for almost every team, by the way.

00:17:28.000 Keep going.

00:17:31.000 That's the side of that motorbike I was telling you about.

00:17:33.000 Babe Ruth on the side.

00:17:34.000 Babe Ruth, back then they used to make fun of catchers in sports, like baseball catchers.

00:17:40.000 They were seen as dumb losers.

00:17:41.000 I don't get it.

00:17:44.000 That's the place I was talking about earlier.

00:17:46.000 Some of these are going to be out of sync.

00:17:48.000 You wouldn't believe they have on a chalkboard all the records for the best pitch of that day.

00:17:54.000 And if you throw 50 miles an hour, you feel like your hand's going to fall off.

00:17:59.000 And a lot of them say 75, 80, 92.

00:18:01.000 I think there must be retired guys there.

00:18:03.000 And you also have to remember, lots of people almost got in the MLB.

00:18:06.000 They were the best in their entire high school, best in their town, best in their neighborhood, best in the state.

00:18:11.000 But that doesn't mean you're getting in the MLB.

00:18:14.000 No matter how good you are, in my little town in Westchester, we have like the kid that everyone talks about, and he is unbelievable.

00:18:22.000 Literally hits it out of the park into the next baseball field.

00:18:25.000 He's probably not going to be in the MLB.

00:18:28.000 I don't think a lot of kids get that.

00:18:30.000 All right, let's do some more.

00:18:31.000 We're going to leave this soon.

00:18:32.000 There we go.

00:18:33.000 Civilized, heavenly, just having a beer there.

00:18:36.000 No trouble, no danger.

00:18:37.000 Just peace.

00:18:39.000 Keep going.

00:18:41.000 There's no kneeling in baseball.

00:18:41.000 What's that?

00:18:43.000 America's game.

00:18:45.000 I just feel safe in baseball.

00:18:47.000 They should call it safe ball.

00:18:49.000 There's no kneeling in baseball.

00:18:52.000 Who's that?

00:18:53.000 Jackie Stewart?

00:18:56.000 Oh, keep going.

00:18:58.000 That's Cooperstown.

00:18:59.000 All right.

00:19:00.000 So you stay there overnight, stay at the hotel, go for a walk.

00:19:02.000 I actually talked to the guy about opening a batting cage.

00:19:06.000 And we go to the Hall of Fame and all that stuff.

00:19:10.000 And it's funny, the roles too on these road trips.

00:19:12.000 Like I'm driving.

00:19:13.000 My wife doesn't touch a steering wheel once. 1.00

00:19:15.000 I'm lifting all the luggage in everywhere we go.

00:19:18.000 She's choosing the hotels and making sure the kids are fed and packing the bags.

00:19:23.000 I move the bag.

00:19:24.000 I'm like a laborer.

00:19:25.000 And we love, we don't, I can't speak for her, but I love that role.

00:19:28.000 I will drive eight Hours in a blizzard, as long as I don't have to worry if my son has had a hot dog recently.

00:19:35.000 And my wife is happy to handle all the food and stuff as long as she doesn't have to drive in a blizzard. 0.98

00:19:40.000 And I left a million pounds.

00:19:42.000 All right, so I don't know why you're looking at that.

00:19:44.000 You're way ahead.

00:19:44.000 That's Montreal.

00:19:45.000 So next was Rochester.

00:19:48.000 Go back to the map.

00:19:50.000 So we stayed there, I think, probably about 24 hours.

00:19:53.000 And then Rochester was four hours away.

00:19:56.000 You want to break up the trip to Niagara Falls.

00:19:58.000 Niagara Falls to New York can be about 12 hours and it's just hell on earth.

00:20:03.000 So driving isn't bad when you break it up a little bit.

00:20:06.000 So we go to Rochester and we go to this super awesome place.

00:20:11.000 Now I sound like you doing an imitation of me.

00:20:15.000 And it ruled.

00:20:18.000 It was called the Strong Museum.

00:20:21.000 And it is a rich family who made tons of money and I don't know what strong, what is strong, tires or something?

00:20:28.000 Something uninteresting, industrial.

00:20:30.000 And the family decided to invest in a museum.

00:20:34.000 Yeah, look at that.

00:20:35.000 That's the Strong Museum.

00:20:36.000 Now, here's what's amazing about it.

00:20:38.000 It's not just a pile of toys.

00:20:40.000 It is all toys ever.

00:20:42.000 Not quite, but you get the idea.

00:20:45.000 And then really in-depth documentation of what is a toy and when was it indoctrinated into the whole concept of a toy hall of fame, what registers as a toy.

00:20:58.000 And they justify it all.

00:21:00.000 They say fun involves this and that.

00:21:01.000 Like riding a motorcycle isn't fun.

00:21:04.000 It doesn't count as play, sorry, because it's also utilitarian.

00:21:08.000 I mean, I don't really care whether what they said is true or correct or not.

00:21:13.000 That's open to interpretation.

00:21:14.000 But just the fact that they tried and they were so sincere and dedicated to the idea of children playing.

00:21:21.000 And in a world where we have all these kids on screens, I really appreciated their attention to detail and treating fun as so important because fun is incredibly important.

00:21:32.000 So what was this?

00:21:33.000 This was just a display.

00:21:34.000 It had a Mork and Mindy doll, an E.T. lunchbox.

00:21:37.000 Everything is meticulously documented with the date and everything.

00:21:41.000 And Mork and Mindy probably means nothing to Ryan over here, but that was our show as a kid.

00:21:45.000 That was Robin Williams from Outer Space staying with, I think, Mr. Cotter's wife.

00:21:50.000 Oh, and then they're not going to lie to you and say video games are irrelevant and we don't like them.

00:21:55.000 My museum of play would have no video games because I'm a bitter jerk.

00:21:59.000 They have an entire floor and a floor, you saw the size of the museum.

00:22:03.000 A floor is like a New York City block of just video games from like the Ball Peen Alley ones with copper and tin where you pull a spring and a ball bearing falls into a thing to this era, my era, what's that?

00:22:18.000 Robotron, oh my god.

00:22:20.000 Berserk.

00:22:21.000 Berserk.

00:22:22.000 Berserk was Berserk. 0.99

00:22:23.000 It was aptly named.

00:22:24.000 Defender, Gallagher, Space Invaders, all those.

00:22:27.000 And then they show you CGI and Call of Duty and Fortnite and all the modern stuff too.

00:22:33.000 And you play them.

00:22:34.000 They're too cheap, too.

00:22:36.000 I put in 10 bucks of tokens because that's usually how much you need in New York.

00:22:39.000 And I went home with like two handfuls.

00:22:41.000 My kids, we would still be playing there if I'd used all 10 bucks.

00:22:45.000 Go to another one.

00:22:47.000 What do we got there?

00:22:47.000 Oh, that's, you see that doll?

00:22:49.000 That's Archie Bunker's grandson.

00:22:52.000 Archie Bunker exploded so much, they could not merch him out enough.

00:22:56.000 So it got to the point where little girls were buying Archie Bunker's grandson as a dolly.

00:23:02.000 I think he pooped and peed too, or he drank milk or something.

00:23:05.000 Maybe his eyes closed.

00:23:06.000 He did stuff.

00:23:07.000 I remember when that came out.

00:23:08.000 Then we got Star Wars stuff in there, Ken and Barbie.

00:23:11.000 Keep going.

00:23:12.000 Oh, this is interesting.

00:23:13.000 You may want to zoom in on this.

00:23:14.000 So this is this big chart, this dome, this big cylinder thing.

00:23:19.000 It documents when these things were considered toys.

00:23:22.000 I found this really interesting.

00:23:24.000 Star Wars action figures were only considered toys by this group in 2011.

00:23:30.000 What took them so long?

00:23:33.000 It's from 77 and they choose, they induct them in 2011.

00:23:37.000 Were they considered like an action figure or something like semantical like that?

00:23:43.000 No, because it says action figures.

00:23:45.000 I don't know what they're doing.

00:23:45.000 What could they possibly be?

00:23:46.000 You're telling me you weren't playing?

00:23:48.000 You were not playing with those.

00:23:50.000 You were reenacting film scenes.

00:23:53.000 I don't understand it.

00:23:54.000 But go below that, in the same picture, they tell you when they decided the stick was a toy.

00:24:00.000 Because 2008.

00:24:03.000 Maybe this whole thing started.

00:24:05.000 No, even if it started in 07, they should still have put Star Wars toys at the top of the list.

00:24:10.000 Maybe they had a lot of catching up to do.

00:24:11.000 But sticks, blankets, and cardboard boxes took a while to get in there.

00:24:18.000 Like stairs.

00:24:19.000 Are stairs a toy?

00:24:20.000 Super soaker, 2015.

00:24:23.000 All right, so that's fun and interesting.

00:24:25.000 And the kids are having a great time running around playing video games, looking at this stuff.

00:24:28.000 And then as a dad, you're also sort of stroking your beard going, oh, a stick, huh?

00:24:31.000 Yes, I guess it is a toy in a sense.

00:24:34.000 Yes.

00:24:34.000 Something doesn't have to be manufactured to become a toy.

00:24:37.000 A toy can be made by nature, made by God, really?

00:24:39.000 I mean, they are made by God.

00:24:41.000 This is the window looking out.

00:24:45.000 I don't know.

00:24:45.000 It's based on Rubik's Cubes and stuff.

00:24:47.000 But that thing is like 100 feet high.

00:24:50.000 Keep going.

00:24:51.000 That's a male model making his legs look funny. 0.99

00:24:55.000 What else do we got?

00:24:57.000 We're never going to beat Marcus's ceiling with those lights.

00:25:01.000 That's just a wood guy.

00:25:02.000 They have entire sections.

00:25:04.000 There was sort of like a magical elf fairy entire section.

00:25:07.000 It's as big as like four bedrooms with little slides and stuff.

00:25:11.000 And then you leave that and it's Lego.

00:25:13.000 And then you leave that and it's all ice yeti and snowman stuff.

00:25:17.000 And then there's superhero things.

00:25:19.000 Keep going.

00:25:20.000 Then there's Sesame Street, the front porch where you can sit there.

00:25:24.000 A total, perfect recreation of Sesame Street.

00:25:27.000 Keep going.

00:25:29.000 That's some weird fish. 1.00

00:25:35.000 What the hell?

00:25:36.000 It's a Trump fish.

00:25:38.000 He's got a Trump dew.

00:25:43.000 This is the greatest water.

00:25:45.000 Anybody?

00:25:46.000 It's going to be very wet.

00:25:47.000 It's going to be very submerged.

00:25:50.000 He's leading all the other fish.

00:25:51.000 For too long, we've been swimming in infested waters.

00:25:55.000 Truly.

00:25:55.000 Infested.

00:25:56.000 Disgusting waters.

00:25:57.000 Disgusting.

00:25:58.000 It's a tragedy.

00:25:59.000 No, what does it say?

00:26:00.000 Catastrophe?

00:26:01.000 I don't know.

00:26:03.000 That's the last one of this.

00:26:04.000 I want to keep the momentum going.

00:26:05.000 All right, so now we're off to Niagara Falls.

00:26:07.000 By the way, I've said this on other shows: really uneventful shirts in Niagara Falls.

00:26:13.000 Just Maple Leaf and Canada.

00:26:16.000 I've said this a million times.

00:26:18.000 I haven't made it yet.

00:26:19.000 Maybe you at home could help me make this in Photoshop.

00:26:22.000 It has the falls.

00:26:24.000 It says Niagara.

00:26:26.000 Hanging from, say, the middle of the word Niagara are a pair of cartoon testicles, right?

00:26:31.000 And they're in front of the falls.

00:26:33.000 A few sporadic hairs.

00:26:35.000 They should be Caucasian. 1.00

00:26:36.000 No offense, black people, but it becomes a whole other topic, unless we're in Africa, when you have black balls, right? 1.00

00:26:44.000 Too much context.

00:26:45.000 It's confusing.

00:26:46.000 So normal Caucasian balls, sporadic hairs, and then balls. 1.00

00:26:51.000 Niagara balls with testicles in the falls.

00:26:54.000 Now, there's a lot of jocks there partying and bachelor party guys, so that shirt would sell.

00:26:59.000 But I don't need a maple leaf with the word Canada.

00:27:02.000 What?

00:27:03.000 Could you be less fun, Canada?

00:27:06.000 So we stayed at Niagara Falls.

00:27:08.000 We stayed at a kind of a gross place called the Americana or something.

00:27:12.000 And that was a water park in a hotel.

00:27:15.000 It's kind of dirty and grimy.

00:27:16.000 And they kept, you know what their theme was at the Americana?

00:27:20.000 Boston pizza!

00:27:22.000 You know, the best pizza in America?

00:27:25.000 The place everyone goes to for their pizza?

00:27:28.000 Good old Boston pizza.

00:27:30.000 Boston deep dish.

00:27:32.000 What?

00:27:33.000 Maybe you have an argument for Chicago after New York, but Boston?

00:27:37.000 Boston is only good for violence. 0.57

00:27:40.000 So pull up all the Niagara Falls ones.

00:27:42.000 I don't know why you're tooling around using other stuff.

00:27:45.000 Now this is, this is interesting.

00:27:47.000 This is a revolving restaurant.

00:27:49.000 And it's pretty expensive to go to the top.

00:27:51.000 And what happens is you sit down and your table, just like they had at the World Trade Center too, your table is moving slowly like this.

00:27:59.000 So the scenery changes.

00:28:00.000 And you know what my wife does, being a fun lass? 1.00

00:28:03.000 She writes on a piece of paper that she brought in packed, hi, we're from New York City.

00:28:09.000 Where are you guys from?

00:28:11.000 And then she puts it down and then it leaves you, right?

00:28:14.000 Because your table's moving.

00:28:15.000 And then when you come around, it takes about an hour.

00:28:17.000 There's all this, oh, we are from France.

00:28:19.000 We love blah, blah, blah.

00:28:20.000 Bonjour, bonjour.

00:28:21.000 Hey, we are from the Congo.

00:28:22.000 We're happy children are not raping their mothers here. 0.93

00:28:26.000 And then you have the little fun little souvenir.

00:28:27.000 I don't think we saved it, but it was just a cute little thing to see where everyone's from.

00:28:31.000 Okay, so go back to that video.

00:28:33.000 Because as the elevator goes in there, it looks exactly like a suppository going into an anus.

00:28:39.000 There we go.

00:28:40.000 Oh, there we go.

00:28:43.000 It looks pretty gross too when you come out.

00:28:46.000 And then it's just diarrhea falling.

00:28:47.000 And look how dirty that is. 1.00

00:28:50.000 This is what I meant by post-apocalyptic.

00:28:52.000 It looks like something...

00:29:01.000 Chappy.

00:29:01.000 Chappie.

00:29:02.000 Everything looks like Chappie in Niagara Falls.

00:29:04.000 It looks like a post-apocalyptic South Africa.

00:29:07.000 Like that building sucks.

00:29:09.000 It's a beautiful restaurant inside.

00:29:11.000 It's the way that the concrete is absorbing, like it's mildewy.

00:29:15.000 Yeah.

00:29:15.000 It's like mildewy.

00:29:16.000 And surely you knew that when you built it.

00:29:18.000 I mean, you got to maintain these things, guys.

00:29:20.000 That needs a paint job.

00:29:22.000 Anyway, keep going.

00:29:32.000 That's a good one.

00:29:36.000 Okay, so here we are in the restaurant by Niagara Falls, which you can see from the restaurant, which is beautiful.

00:29:43.000 What a stunning thing.

00:29:44.000 You know, they sent the French settlers there and they go, we're looking for a passageway for these two lakes.

00:29:49.000 And we understand there's this area called Niagara something, then Indians call it.

00:29:54.000 And we want to find a way to get a boat through it.

00:29:55.000 And then we could have major trade going up on those two lakes.

00:29:58.000 And the French must have seen that waterfall and went, not happening, guys. 0.98

00:30:03.000 Sorry.

00:30:04.000 We were there, checked it out.

00:30:05.000 There is no way in Hades we are going to build a lock or a canal or any kind of portage for this section.

00:30:14.000 They might as well be separated by a mountain.

00:30:16.000 So no, we're not.

00:30:19.000 I don't know how they would ever.

00:30:21.000 There's my little boy.

00:30:22.000 You know what happened here?

00:30:24.000 This is, excuse me, going to Niagara Falls.

00:30:26.000 And there's a lot of rip-offs there, but you want to go to the one where you can see under the falls.

00:30:31.000 And even there, there's three different rooms, but this is the one you want to go to.

00:30:34.000 But some guy in the lineup recognized me, who worked there, and he moved me to the front of the line.

00:30:38.000 And then this woman who had a baby on her chest, she looked like a Guatemalan grandmother. 0.97

00:30:43.000 She had a Spanish accent, was screaming at him, no, no, no, no, we have been here.

00:30:47.000 This is not the way you behave.

00:30:49.000 This is not the way you do things.

00:30:50.000 Mad that my family got to move ahead.

00:30:52.000 And so they start freaking out.

00:30:54.000 And instead of making up a lie, like, we paid for the VIP or something, they go, get in the elevator, get in the elevator.

00:30:59.000 And then they stand in front of it and close it behind us like we were the Rolling Stones.

00:31:03.000 It was bizarre.

00:31:03.000 And another weird part is, lady, why are you picking fights and screaming and yelling when you have a baby on the front of you?

00:31:11.000 It doesn't seem to be very smart.

00:31:14.000 I would be a little more, I don't know, wary.

00:31:17.000 Anyway, that's the falls where the French must have went, nope, we have to go back. 0.99

00:31:23.000 That's some family in a UFO-shaped diner where 100% of them were on their phones, 100% of the breakfast.

00:31:30.000 What is happening with these phones?

00:31:32.000 Do you have a rule?

00:31:33.000 Do you have a rule, like a no-phones rule?

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, true.

00:31:36.000 Have you ever listened to my show?

00:31:38.000 I had to abide by it when I visited my dad, too.

00:31:40.000 It's healthy.

00:31:41.000 It's good.

00:31:42.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 And this makes, I'm looking at this like they're Asian.

00:31:45.000 It doesn't make sense to me.

00:31:47.000 You guys should be scolding them.

00:31:49.000 I thought it was a universal rule.

00:31:50.000 My daddy's got his phone.

00:31:51.000 What is there, like 10 of them there?

00:31:53.000 There's also at the next table, there was, this is why Niagara Falls is trashy.

00:31:58.000 There was this kid just crying the whole time, doing a really annoying cry, like, really insincere kind of a cry.

00:32:04.000 And I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, you need to be scolded here.

00:32:11.000 You're not in pain.

00:32:11.000 You're just whining.

00:32:12.000 And his mom had a shirt, single mom, fat, and it said, super mom.

00:32:18.000 With the power to ignore.

00:32:18.000 No.

00:32:23.000 That's my boy.

00:32:24.000 Did a cool drawing at the table.

00:32:26.000 See, this is where I worry that I might be boring you.

00:32:28.000 This used to be a big thing in the 50s.

00:32:30.000 You'd have your slides from your trip, and you come back, jagoom, jagoom, jagoom, jagoom, and you'd do a slideshow for the neighbors and show them your trip.

00:32:38.000 And the motive here, too, is obviously not showing off that we went to a UFO-shaped diner, but to suggest that you guys might want to try this.

00:32:46.000 Maybe not Niagara Falls.

00:32:47.000 That's an acquired taste.

00:32:49.000 But you know, you map out some spots four hours apart, and the Northeast is very good at densely packing a lot of different locations.

00:32:56.000 Maybe you'll like it.

00:32:57.000 All right, so this was the Niagara Falls Guinness Book of World Records Museum, which I would highly not recommend.

00:33:05.000 It costs a fortune and it sucks.

00:33:08.000 Here is a guy who did a wheelie for 3,000 miles.

00:33:12.000 So he went from, I think, LA to Orlando.

00:33:15.000 And doing a wheelie for 3,000 miles, I mean, what that means is you just did wheelies for probably like five hours a day and then stayed at the local motel and then got up the next day and did it again.

00:33:25.000 So over the course of several months, you did a lot of wheelieing.

00:33:30.000 Okay, thanks, I guess.

00:33:32.000 My son, my youngest five-year-old, he brought up a good point.

00:33:35.000 He said, Dad, what if someone was doing a wheelie for 100 years?

00:33:38.000 And when they were a baby, they had to, you know, be held onto the bike and there was all kinds of machines.

00:33:43.000 But then as they got older, maybe like seven or eight years old, they'd get good enough at it and they could do real wheelies.

00:33:48.000 And then they live to say 100 and they will have been doing a wheelie for 100 years.

00:33:53.000 I said, good point, five-year-old.

00:33:56.000 Look at this.

00:33:57.000 This is all just, I think I had to spend something like 20 bucks per family member.

00:34:01.000 So $100 I had to spend to go in here and look at a picture on a wall that has a few LED lights on it.

00:34:09.000 And it's about some cop who got struck by lightning about nine times.

00:34:13.000 Is that what it says there?

00:34:14.000 Can you read that?

00:34:15.000 Yes, it says, Gene Hackman holding this hat was struck by lightning seven times between 1942 and 1977 and survived.

00:34:24.000 In 1983, he took his own life, reportedly rejected in love.

00:34:29.000 Okay, can I just give you a comedy tip?

00:34:31.000 Yep.

00:34:32.000 You started out pretending that guy was Gene Hackman.

00:34:35.000 Yep.

00:34:35.000 And then you started reading what it really says.

00:34:37.000 Yes.

00:34:38.000 But you lost confidence after Gene Hackman in the middle.

00:34:40.000 Absolutely.

00:34:41.000 Gene Hackman holding this hat.

00:34:44.000 And then you didn't hear a laugh and you went, I wonder if that bombed.

00:34:47.000 You have to commit to the bit.

00:34:49.000 So you say, here we have Gene Hackman, famous Hollywood actor.

00:34:53.000 He's holding a hat and he was also a sheriff who was struck nine times by lightning and later killed himself because he was dumb.

00:35:02.000 So I was convinced that was Gene Hackman the entire time.

00:35:05.000 You don't have to go and make a half joke.

00:35:07.000 No, you don't say, I'm going to go.

00:35:08.000 It's like sex.

00:35:10.000 You don't grab a woman and go, oh yeah, you like that?

00:35:13.000 Actually, do you like that?

00:35:14.000 Because I'll stop if you don't.

00:35:16.000 I didn't even do that.

00:35:17.000 I just stopped.

00:35:18.000 I didn't even ask her.

00:35:19.000 I just said that.

00:35:20.000 That's like grabbing a woman, pulling her close to you in a thunderstorm, and then going to kiss her and going, do you mind if I do want to?

00:35:26.000 I feel like there was a moment there, and maybe if we could smooch.

00:35:30.000 I think, I mean, I'm thundering out.

00:35:32.000 It's kind of romantic.

00:35:33.000 That was pretty cool.

00:35:34.000 I'm going to kiss you.

00:35:35.000 I'm just going to kiss you.

00:35:36.000 And then you say, means no.

00:35:39.000 And then no sounds means yes, okay?

00:35:41.000 Oh, actually, I know what?

00:35:42.000 I'll start kissing you, right?

00:35:45.000 And I'm going to grab your ass and be really aggressive. 1.00

00:35:47.000 If you don't like it, make animal sounds.

00:35:50.000 But if you do like it, sing a song.

00:35:53.000 So he grabs her ass really hard and he's hurting her and he's pulling her hair back and she goes, ah, moo, moo. 0.97

00:36:00.000 And then he keeps going and she goes, moon river, all penned on an empty stream.

00:36:10.000 She starts singing.

00:36:12.000 She does.

00:36:13.000 Moon river.

00:36:14.000 The moo's change. 0.98

00:36:15.000 Did you know that was going to happen?

00:36:16.000 Because I'm just to break it down.

00:36:18.000 Now you're ruining my joke by analyzing it.

00:36:18.000 Wow, you really.

00:36:21.000 But I'm impressed.

00:36:22.000 All right, next.

00:36:24.000 Next picture in a museum.

00:36:26.000 Hey, you got 20 bucks?

00:36:27.000 You want to look at pictures?

00:36:28.000 No, this was outside.

00:36:31.000 So this fooled me.

00:36:32.000 This was a giant fat.

00:36:34.000 It's funny too, because back when the Guinness was big, the fattest guy in the world was 1,500 pounds.

00:36:39.000 It was Walter Hudson.

00:36:40.000 And I remember as a kid, we were all obsessed with him as teenagers.

00:36:42.000 Walter Hudson, because he thought he was Indian and he had braids and stuff.

00:36:45.000 And they had to bury him in a piano box or something.

00:36:48.000 Now you look at these Guinness Book of World record breakers and you're like, meh, you look like you're at Walmart.

00:36:55.000 I mean, 600 pounds is not unusual now.

00:36:58.000 So 1,500 pounds, 1,400 pounds, you're just a very fat 600-pound person.

00:37:06.000 This picture means nothing.

00:37:07.000 I just thought it was really cool.

00:37:09.000 Like, wouldn't you want an oil painting of that?

00:37:14.000 I like the spatial.

00:37:14.000 I like the dimensions of it, like the architecture.

00:37:16.000 Everything looks like chunky and bold.

00:37:18.000 Yeah, I like the composition of this picture.

00:37:21.000 It's basically the composition.

00:37:22.000 It would be way cool.

00:37:23.000 Maybe if there was something going on in the background behind him, like a sunset or a storm or something, it'd be kind of cool.

00:37:28.000 Yeah, that sky is interchangeable, but it can't do too much to take away from everything else going on.

00:37:34.000 Even the placement of the people is pretty nice.

00:37:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:36.000 Honestly.

00:37:38.000 Frankenstein isn't green, is he?

00:37:40.000 Yeah.

00:37:41.000 Green or gray.

00:37:43.000 I thought he's gray.

00:37:44.000 Anyway, this is a new faction of Sikhs.

00:37:48.000 Sikhs are huge in Niagara Falls.

00:37:49.000 I think because there's a massive industry of senior care, because it's cheap there.

00:37:52.000 So seniors go there.

00:37:54.000 Seniors need their butt wiped. 1.00

00:37:56.000 And for some reason, Sikhs, they're very noble people who are into justice and stuff and character and honor.

00:38:02.000 So I guess they feel bad when old people look like they're losers. 0.92

00:38:07.000 So they're helping all these old people. 0.93

00:38:09.000 But there's these guys named Ili Janta.

00:38:11.000 Oh, no, sorry.

00:38:12.000 There's Villi.

00:38:14.000 The V is Veli. 0.93

00:38:15.000 Veli Janta.

00:38:17.000 And they are like, they're kind of like proud boys.

00:38:20.000 They're sort of working class dudes who grew up poor on farms and they stopped dressing like farmers.

00:38:26.000 And now they want a range rover and they want to pick up hot chicks. 1.00

00:38:31.000 So now they're about fast cars and hot chicks.

00:38:33.000 Look up, see if you have time to find Vallejanta.

00:38:38.000 Their music, their rock and roll.

00:38:41.000 They are bad boys.

00:38:42.000 And it's funny because I said to one guy, what's Vilijanta?

00:38:44.000 And he goes, oh, those are bad men.

00:38:46.000 Those are stupid boys.

00:38:48.000 And then I asked this other guy who had that Velijanta thing.

00:38:52.000 And I go, what's Valijanta?

00:38:53.000 And he goes, it means good guy.

00:38:55.000 It means tough guy, cool guy.

00:38:58.000 And you realize you can say the same thing about proud boys.

00:39:01.000 This is they're proud of your boy?

00:39:02.000 Yeah.

00:39:05.000 Turn it up, dude.

00:39:07.000 There he's like, come where?

00:39:08.000 What am I doing in the farm?

00:39:10.000 I'm selling the farm.

00:39:11.000 I want to be dope.

00:39:12.000 And now I'm a bad boy.

00:39:14.000 I'm not on the farm no more.

00:39:16.000 Turn it up.

00:39:22.000 Turn it up.

00:39:24.000 It's a good man.

00:39:25.000 I don't know where they get the money from angels, I guess they sold the phone.

00:39:27.000 We should have made this the song at the beginning.

00:39:48.000 Yeah, this is pretty good.

00:39:54.000 They don't have the same kind of sexual harassment taboos that we have, eh? 0.97

00:39:59.000 Hey, check it out, dude.

00:40:00.000 I grabbed her butt. 1.00

00:40:01.000 Did he grab her?

00:40:03.000 I think so.

00:40:03.000 He stalks her too later in the deranged robot.

00:40:07.000 Whoa.

00:40:08.000 By the way, you sold the farm for a Range Rover?

00:40:10.000 What's your long-term plan?

00:40:12.000 Teach a man to fish.

00:40:15.000 I will trade it in and buy a farm later.

00:40:18.000 Go down the value, junky monkey.

00:40:21.000 I'll trade my hat for some gas.

00:40:24.000 Crap.

00:40:28.000 Shades for a brake replacement, I repeat.

00:40:32.000 A pair of shades for a brake replacement.

00:40:34.000 A pair of Prada sunglasses for new rack and pinion steering please.

00:40:39.000 I need a new transmission.

00:40:41.000 Look at her.

00:40:41.000 We're chasing her in her scooter.

00:40:43.000 You know I can easily tumble you over.

00:40:46.000 Just one swipe at your rear tire. 1.00

00:40:47.000 I'll beat you if you have not date me.

00:40:50.000 All right, let's keep going.

00:40:53.000 Oh, keep moving over the video?

00:40:55.000 Oh, okay.

00:40:55.000 No, no.

00:40:56.000 We should get out of Niagara Falls some minutes.

00:40:58.000 I could watch that three times in a row.

00:41:00.000 Yeah, I might.

00:41:01.000 Let's become Valijantas.

00:41:05.000 It's just some guys that were hanging out million-dollar bills to encourage Catholicism, I believe.

00:41:11.000 They were Christians.

00:41:13.000 And they said, we've been following you.

00:41:15.000 And you're close.

00:41:16.000 You just need another push to, I don't know what.

00:41:21.000 That's just me.

00:41:22.000 So the last night we stayed at a really fancy hotel where we could look right down on the falls, the Marriott or whatever.

00:41:28.000 And, you know, as I was sitting there looking at the contours of Niagara Falls and the beauty of it and the majestic bliss that God gave that land, I thought, I should give you guys the gift of doing that to my body, where you can see the contours of my buttocks and my thighs.

00:41:47.000 My thighs are just incredible.

00:41:49.000 Funny thing about that is this site right here causes more people to jump into a barrel and commit suicide.

00:41:56.000 Why do you guys wear your underwear so low?

00:41:59.000 It should go halfway up your back.

00:42:01.000 You want it to hug.

00:42:03.000 There's no way women can see all the contours if your undies are not taut. 1.00

00:42:07.000 You got to Instagram that, dude.

00:42:09.000 I can't remember if I did or not.

00:42:10.000 All right, keep going.

00:42:11.000 That's just the actual...

00:42:16.000 They're almost like testicles.

00:42:19.000 Keep going.

00:42:20.000 Okay.

00:42:21.000 This was on the TV at the Marriott, and it's one of the craziest things I've ever seen.

00:42:26.000 Zoom in on that guy on the right.

00:42:29.000 His shirt says diversity is a strength.

00:42:34.000 And the CFL, the Canadian Football League, had this big push at that time in the summer to promote diversity.

00:42:43.000 Diversity is a strength.

00:42:44.000 That's that guy on the right.

00:42:46.000 Now, I don't quite get the story, but it has something to do with the CFL not being recognized by the NFL or not getting to play enough American games or something like that, or the Toronto Argonauts not being in the American League.

00:42:56.000 So they're saying you should have a more diverse group of teams.

00:42:59.000 Like, say, some Canadian teams could play you once in a while, like the Toronto Blue Jays can play the Mets.

00:43:07.000 And so we need diversity.

00:43:10.000 Now, if there's one place where they have no intention of fostering racial diversity, it's football or all professional sports.

00:43:18.000 They don't care what race you are. 0.99

00:43:20.000 They go, if you're good, get in here.

00:43:22.000 You think they're going to be pushing for more Chinese people in the NFL anytime soon?

00:43:27.000 Nope.

00:43:28.000 Can you run this fast?

00:43:29.000 Can you take this many hits?

00:43:30.000 Can you throw the ball this accurately?

00:43:33.000 Diversity is the last thing.

00:43:35.000 It's 100% meritocracy in professional sports.

00:43:39.000 So to see them wearing diversity is a strength, which essentially means meritocracy is second, it's just so unself-aware.

00:43:49.000 Guys, clue in.

00:43:52.000 All right, next.

00:43:54.000 Oh, we went to a cool Canadian-themed dinner theater.

00:43:58.000 And you'll notice, by the way, they're pushing these jackets.

00:44:01.000 They're trying to duplicate the original Canadian hoser jacket, which I talked about on the other show.

00:44:07.000 Champion, made in China.

00:44:09.000 They were big in the 80s.

00:44:10.000 This is the only one that is acceptable.

00:44:14.000 It's got a certain type of fleece feel to it.

00:44:17.000 This is the authentic one.

00:44:20.000 Nothing comes close.

00:44:21.000 And I'm seeing a lot of these sort of cheap immigrant tourist shops basically try to sell Ryan's shirt. 0.99

00:44:26.000 Ryan, show your shirt.

00:44:28.000 No, no, that one you have on.

00:44:32.000 These are very different.

00:44:36.000 Totally different.

00:44:37.000 Totally different.

00:44:40.000 I see visually why it is different too.

00:44:42.000 It's actually inverted.

00:44:43.000 The smaller parts of the city.

00:44:44.000 Yeah, yeah, shut up.

00:44:45.000 We got it.

00:44:47.000 It's easy to make.

00:44:48.000 You could recreate this easily.

00:44:49.000 That was a thing.

00:44:50.000 But one thing that bothered me, just show more picture of the dinner theater.

00:44:53.000 One thing that kind of bothered me about the dinner theater, it was very well done.

00:44:56.000 But a lot of it was Americana.

00:44:58.000 And this is a problem with Canadians. 0.86

00:45:00.000 They always, they judge themselves based on America.

00:45:03.000 So they go, you know that song, whatever it was, like, Don't Stop Believing By Journey?

00:45:10.000 That was co-written by a man from Winnipeg.

00:45:12.000 Oh, so that's Canadian. 0.98

00:45:14.000 Like, and they take all this cool American stuff and go, that guy's mom was Canadian, or that guy was born in Edmonton.

00:45:19.000 And they keep pushing that.

00:45:21.000 And I go, no, no, we have enough cool stuff in America.

00:45:24.000 I mean, sorry, in Canada.

00:45:25.000 We have Plume Le Traverse and his song, Bobby Pin, El Dan Sracrome Folpin, Comun Vré Super Bobin.

00:45:35.000 Kisa Bobbi Pin.

00:45:38.000 Na na na na na na na.

00:45:39.000 And we got Stomp and Tom Connors and Big Joe Mufferaw all the way from Ottawa.

00:45:44.000 The old folks say, hey, hey. 0.98

00:45:47.000 What does he talk about?

00:45:48.000 He says, they're talking about the Rideau River, how it was formed.

00:45:53.000 And he was a guy up in Old St. Luke.

00:45:55.000 And he went so many times to see that gal.

00:45:57.000 The path he wore became the Rideau Canal.

00:46:00.000 Hey, hi, hey, hi, ho. 1.00

00:46:02.000 The best man in Ottawa was Muffara Joe.

00:46:06.000 Muffarajo.

00:46:07.000 That's our Paul Bunyan, which I guess is, again, Canadians copying American culture. 0.99

00:46:12.000 But otherwise, it was a really cool dinner theater.

00:46:15.000 Really appreciate those kids busting their ass.

00:46:17.000 Hope they don't see this and think I'm hurting their feelings.

00:46:19.000 What else do we got?

00:46:20.000 All right.

00:46:20.000 So there's Niagara Falls at night.

00:46:25.000 Oh, this was a wee town outside of Niagara Falls.

00:46:29.000 And it was unbelievable.

00:46:31.000 It's called Niagara on the Hudson or something.

00:46:33.000 No, not Niagara Falls.

00:46:34.000 forget the name of this town.

00:46:35.000 But, um, they had this Scottish store in it that had all the Scottish stuff.

00:46:40.000 Iron Brew, which is, it's a magical thing that the, Do you have a shirt on underneath?

00:46:50.000 It's an undershirt.

00:46:51.000 It's an homage to Riff Raff.

00:46:53.000 It's just a...

00:46:56.000 Okay.

00:46:56.000 Well, the studio gets hot when we have long apps.

00:47:02.000 And I got him a little Scotland jersey.

00:47:04.000 It's fun dressing up five-year-olds in cute shirts.

00:47:07.000 This is Poutin, of course.

00:47:09.000 We've now left Niagara Falls.

00:47:10.000 We're headed to my friend's farm.

00:47:12.000 And Poutin dominates all of Ontario and Quebec.

00:47:16.000 And Poutin was invented by a man in Quebec at a diner, and there was a trucker there.

00:47:21.000 And he said, I've got, I'm on the road, I'm driving a truck, but I want cheese curds, and I want fries and gravy, but I don't want both.

00:47:30.000 Can you put them, and he goes, I'll put them all together.

00:47:32.000 How about this?

00:47:33.000 We'll go fries, then we'll put a layer of cheese curds on, then we'll pour gravy, and gravy will melt the cheese curds into the fries, and then we'll do another layer of fries, cheese curds, and gravy.

00:47:43.000 Okay.

00:47:44.000 Did it all up?

00:47:45.000 Truckers driving, eating away.

00:47:47.000 Invents the greatest dish of all time, and it is called Putin. 0.95

00:47:51.000 And you need to use hand-cut fries that have been blanched and soaked overnight.

00:47:56.000 You need to use actual cheese curds, not disco fries, any of that crap.

00:47:59.000 The gravy isn't that important.

00:48:02.000 That looks pretty authentic.

00:48:05.000 I'm a little worried about the fries.

00:48:07.000 But yeah, that looks pretty good.

00:48:08.000 I don't know why it's in a big pan like that.

00:48:12.000 Keep going.

00:48:14.000 Oh, I also got that at the Scottish place.

00:48:15.000 Heinz Salad Krem.

00:48:17.000 See, they go this in England in all of Great Britain.

00:48:20.000 Has you ever had that salad with salad cream?

00:48:23.000 Nine.

00:48:24.000 It's bloody delicious.

00:48:25.000 Nine was my way of speaking Scottish.

00:48:28.000 Russian?

00:48:29.000 It's German.

00:48:30.000 Oh, okay.

00:48:30.000 By the way, I like that I can see your bacon now when I look over at you.

00:48:34.000 Yeah.

00:48:34.000 That's endearing.

00:48:36.000 You gotta sun burn those off.

00:48:38.000 Is that how that works?

00:48:39.000 Yeah.

00:48:39.000 You dry them off with anything.

00:48:43.000 You can put it like a claw reed, like in the pool or the ocean, plains up your back.

00:48:48.000 That's not a bad Irish, yeah. 1.00

00:48:50.000 All right, keep going.

00:48:51.000 Scottish is real tough.

00:48:53.000 This is more crap I bought.

00:48:54.000 Oh, I got these Walter's chips.

00:48:55.000 I've been waiting to break these out.

00:48:57.000 Ooh.

00:48:59.000 Nation's favorite.

00:49:00.000 This is Marmite.

00:49:02.000 So they go Australian spread, Marmite, and a chip.

00:49:05.000 They got hedgehog crisps in Britain.

00:49:07.000 They're really good at their potato chips.

00:49:09.000 Now, if there's one thing that people at home love listening to, it's people with a microphone one inch from their face eating chips.

00:49:16.000 Do you agree?

00:49:17.000 Agreed.

00:49:18.000 Ooh, that is rough.

00:49:21.000 You want any of these?

00:49:22.000 I would love one because I keep looking at those.

00:49:24.000 I know.

00:49:25.000 We've been waiting to do this show for a while now.

00:49:26.000 I've been so hungry sometimes where I'm like, that should be an option, but it's not.

00:49:35.000 We got to step up our chip game.

00:49:38.000 I'll crunch one too.

00:49:39.000 Even those fancy ones like Cape Cod and stuff.

00:49:41.000 Oh my gosh, those are great.

00:49:44.000 These are like a roast beef dinner.

00:49:47.000 Why are you watching chips?

00:49:49.000 It's our chip-eating theme song.

00:49:53.000 California Highway Patrol.

00:49:55.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:56.000 Pretty good, huh?

00:49:58.000 And this is great at a pub.

00:50:01.000 They'll have these boxes with the hole dug out that sort of pops out in the middle.

00:50:04.000 And you're like, I'll have a pint of Guinness.

00:50:07.000 They always have Maker's Mark in Britain these days.

00:50:10.000 Glasgow, London.

00:50:11.000 Everyone, I find it more prevalent there than in America.

00:50:14.000 Plenty of my local pubs in the suburbs don't have Makersmark, but you go to everyone in London, and it's cheaper than it is here.

00:50:22.000 And I'll just go, Maker's Mark, Pinta Gunnis, and a Pocket of Cruspes, please.

00:50:27.000 Those only exist in Canada.

00:50:29.000 That's only a Canadian thing?

00:50:31.000 What?

00:50:31.000 That flavor is only in Canada?

00:50:33.000 No, this is at the British store that had all British stuff.

00:50:36.000 Oh, they should have that state side.

00:50:38.000 Those are great.

00:50:39.000 Thank you.

00:50:41.000 snacks.

00:50:50.000 Oh, look at this.

00:50:53.000 Got the history of the McInnis name?

00:50:55.000 I know it's spelled differently, but no one could spell back there.

00:50:57.000 And only in Scotland would you have this.

00:50:59.000 It's a keychain that's a flask.

00:51:03.000 So you carry your keys around and you just go one wee sep.

00:51:07.000 One wee ba nepe sweeti.

00:51:09.000 Which is sitting in your pocket, by the way.

00:51:11.000 So it's hot.

00:51:13.000 You want some hot whiskey?

00:51:15.000 How about in July on a hot day you reach into your denim shorts and pull out some flaming hot whiskey to just burn your throat?

00:51:22.000 No thanks.

00:51:24.000 So now we're done with Niagara Falls.

00:51:25.000 Now it's off to the farm.

00:51:27.000 Now, I was a tree planter in the early 90s, and my boss was named Mark.

00:51:33.000 And he ran a joint up there in Northern Ontario.

00:51:36.000 And we became very close friends.

00:51:38.000 This would be 1991, probably.

00:51:41.000 And I was 21.

00:51:43.000 And then I became a foreman and worked for my, I almost bought the company.

00:51:46.000 It was this close.

00:51:47.000 My dad and him had a falling out.

00:51:49.000 My dad was going to help me out alone.

00:51:51.000 But we stayed close.

00:51:54.000 And the funny thing is, both of us said we're never having kids because we were big environmentalist dudes.

00:51:59.000 The world's overpopulated, man.

00:52:01.000 There are way too many kids in the world, so we're not having any.

00:52:05.000 And we had our kids really late, and we both just look at each other and go, What the hell were we waiting for?

00:52:10.000 What took us so long?

00:52:12.000 All right, let's check out some Perth.

00:52:14.000 See, we got Ottawa and Montreal left, then we'll be done.

00:52:18.000 So that's his family, very Nordic-looking.

00:52:21.000 Of course, I have to hide mine.

00:52:23.000 Big delicious meals.

00:52:24.000 We're away out on the farm.

00:52:26.000 Farm living, man.

00:52:27.000 I mean, you're in the city, you're struggling, there's conflict all the time, and you hang out with somebody who lives in the middle of nowhere, and you just think, you guys really have indulged in serenity for a long time.

00:52:40.000 Like, there's just no conflict there.

00:52:41.000 And there's a turtle.

00:52:42.000 He's got a swimming pond.

00:52:44.000 You jump in there and catch a turtle.

00:52:46.000 They're weird to catch.

00:52:47.000 This isn't a snapping turtle or anything dangerous, but they're really scraping you with their little legs. 0.61

00:52:51.000 So it's freaky to hold them because you think, are you going to scratch me with those things?

00:52:55.000 You scratchy little turtle.

00:52:57.000 Keep going.

00:52:58.000 There's my daughter.

00:52:59.000 She has to hide her face, of course, because you sickos will try to kill her. 1.00

00:53:02.000 But she went and he's a beekeeper.

00:53:05.000 And that's like some worker bee that never stings.

00:53:10.000 I forget the exact thing there.

00:53:12.000 He's got a queen in every hive. 0.90

00:53:14.000 It's very complicated, and it's a real science to it.

00:53:17.000 Whereas you get better and better at it in deciding where the queen can go.

00:53:21.000 And there's sort of steel barriers where you make sure the queen can't go because she's bigger than the other bees. 0.99

00:53:25.000 So there's a grate that she can't get through. 0.88

00:53:27.000 And you decide, I'm going to let her go maybe two more levels here. 1.00

00:53:30.000 This one's getting full.

00:53:30.000 It's getting towards the end of the season.

00:53:32.000 Can't see her that well because I had some teachers install lights in my workshop.

00:53:37.000 He just paints those for fun.

00:53:39.000 Just purely aesthetic.

00:53:41.000 Probably helps him identify which one is which too, just out of memory, but the kids paint those.

00:53:47.000 Isn't that, I mean, that's just his workshop with his little things that he puts in between the doohickeys that collect the honey.

00:53:53.000 But don't you just look at that and it just seems like a simpler world?

00:53:57.000 A better world?

00:53:59.000 A cleaner world?

00:53:59.000 And he built that shed, of course, himself.

00:54:01.000 He's a great carpenter with cedar and everything.

00:54:05.000 Everything seems better in the country.

00:54:07.000 Especially when you're classy about it.

00:54:09.000 Now, bees, of course, communicate a little too much.

00:54:12.000 And if you hurt one of them, you're dead.

00:54:14.000 But the beauty of this smoke machine, you just put any little twigs and branches in there, pine needles, light it up and go, smoke them out.

00:54:22.000 They can't talk to each other anymore.

00:54:23.000 You're good.

00:54:24.000 This little Johnny in his 22.

00:54:27.000 We were shooting beer cans with it.

00:54:30.000 And he got real mad.

00:54:32.000 No, he's not shooting the kids.

00:54:34.000 Those two pictures are not related.

00:54:37.000 Trampolines, everyone has a trampoline now that has kids. 1.00

00:54:41.000 And they just, they're so hyper.

00:54:43.000 And you can't be running around with them all the time.

00:54:45.000 And you have to send them to a tiring machine called a trampoline just to get their energy level down so they'll go to bed at night.

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:53.000 You're fight gravity for a little bit.

00:54:54.000 Yeah.

00:54:55.000 You'll lose.

00:54:56.000 Go to war with gravity.

00:54:57.000 See how well you do.

00:54:58.000 You know, I don't think those dividers, that net is any safer.

00:55:02.000 Oh, you're dumb.

00:55:03.000 Changed my mind.

00:55:04.000 Okay.

00:55:05.000 We have a trampoline exactly like that.

00:55:07.000 Go on it and try to fall to the side.

00:55:10.000 Try to fall off it.

00:55:12.000 Fair enough.

00:55:13.000 Jeez.

00:55:14.000 I'm going to change your nickname to Terrible Theories Ryan Rivera.

00:55:18.000 Ryan Terrible Theories Rivera.

00:55:20.000 Ryan Terrible Theories Rivera.

00:55:22.000 Don't you think the trampoline manufacturers would be petrified of litigation?

00:55:27.000 Litigation.

00:55:28.000 Thank you.

00:55:29.000 That was my only contribute.

00:55:30.000 Contribute.

00:55:32.000 There he is.

00:55:33.000 Mark Saunders.

00:55:34.000 Keep going.

00:55:38.000 There we are by the van.

00:55:43.000 That's just awesome, honey.

00:55:44.000 Now we're up to Ottawa to meet the folks.

00:55:47.000 It's funny how Antifa will threaten entire families now and try to terrorize moms and dads.

00:55:54.000 If you tried to attack my parents in their home or anywhere, I would love to see that.

00:56:02.000 If you harassed my mother at the grocery store, you would die.

00:56:09.000 This was particularly painful.

00:56:11.000 I went through my dad's wallet and noticed he had a picture of my brother when my brother was a baby.

00:56:16.000 No pictures of me.

00:56:18.000 So that hurt.

00:56:20.000 What else you got?

00:56:22.000 Oh, look at this.

00:56:23.000 It's a raccoon feeder. 0.97

00:56:24.000 Ottawa is obsessed with recycling.

00:56:26.000 There's like 50 different bins for every different thing.

00:56:29.000 And the Ontarians are happy to do it because they're so brainwashed.

00:56:33.000 And so they have this bucket that's for compost.

00:56:37.000 So you put in fruit, meat, all your, you know, what's it called?

00:56:43.000 Decomposable perishables.

00:56:47.000 And so the raccoons just break a hole in the bottom and they have their own fridge now.

00:56:53.000 So they just tear that a new ass every day. 0.78

00:56:56.000 And now we're still, my parents will be fined if they stop using that and they have to fill it with food for raccoons.

00:57:02.000 So it's just a raccoon feeder.

00:57:04.000 Great plan, guys.

00:57:05.000 All right, so then off from Ottawa to Montreal at our last stop on the tour.

00:57:11.000 And by the way, the kids are never bored on this trip because everywhere they go is a totally different thing.

00:57:16.000 This is crazy.

00:57:17.000 So we arrive in Montreal and this is the Quebec Separatist Party who claim they will not separate.

00:57:24.000 They say if Quebec does want to separate, we're there for you, but we're not going to push it.

00:57:29.000 But you're the Quebec Separatist Party.

00:57:31.000 Yeah, but not really.

00:57:33.000 Okay.

00:57:33.000 And that is that guy on the left is Manon Masset.

00:57:37.000 He is a male and female.

00:57:40.000 I don't know what gender he is.

00:57:42.000 He's a lesbian with a giant mustache who I think was a dude and has enormous tits. 1.00

00:57:48.000 I highly recommend you.

00:57:50.000 I think it's a dude who had estrogen, took estrogen, retained his mustache, grew some tits, had some tits made or something, has a girlfriend, but a penis also.

00:58:02.000 So guys, if you can't get laid, just say you're a lesbian and now you're this wonderful woman with a built-in strap on. 0.91

00:58:10.000 Perfect scenario.

00:58:12.000 This is, and no one cares in Montreal too.

00:58:14.000 They're all like, oh, she's great.

00:58:16.000 He's great.

00:58:16.000 Whatever you want.

00:58:17.000 They're very open sexually, which is why there's erotica stores on every street corner selling you sex toys and lingerie and high-heel shoes and sigh-high boots and whatever you want.

00:58:28.000 I kind of appreciate that in retrospect.

00:58:32.000 There's more people trying to rip off the perfect lumberjack jacket. 0.51

00:58:35.000 Sorry, guys.

00:58:37.000 You can't buy that.

00:58:38.000 You can't remake it.

00:58:41.000 Keep going.

00:58:42.000 There's my kids at this awesome.

00:58:44.000 This was a Pixar exhibit at the museum at the Old Port.

00:58:48.000 It is so kid-friendly in Montreal.

00:58:50.000 It's one of the most kid-friendly cities I've been to in a long time.

00:58:53.000 And this was a massive Pixar exhibition that showed you how they made each character.

00:58:58.000 And you could try to make characters yourself.

00:59:00.000 You could use the equipment.

00:59:01.000 You could make cartoons.

00:59:03.000 Really cool.

00:59:04.000 There they're dressing up as trolls.

00:59:07.000 It was exquisite.

00:59:08.000 And this was a cool, this is a science museum upstairs where you go in and there's workshops.

00:59:14.000 So they give you a challenge.

00:59:15.000 Like this was make a car that will be powered by wind.

00:59:20.000 And then they give you a million tools.

00:59:22.000 So here's a bunch of sticks that could be the main shaft.

00:59:24.000 Here's a bunch of wheels.

00:59:25.000 Here's a bunch of cardboard and fabric you could use as sails.

00:59:28.000 Here's some staples, some nails, some screws, some pipe cleaners, all this stuff.

00:59:32.000 So everyone is making these little things that they then disassemble and put all the pieces back.

00:59:37.000 And it just looks, it was so inspiring to be around all these people making stuff.

00:59:42.000 You know, they're not there to demand that you make them stuff.

00:59:45.000 So those are my boys.

00:59:46.000 After they made their things, they go on that track and that has a, you push a button and there's like a wind tunnel.

00:59:52.000 And then the wind picks up these sails and moves them down the lane.

00:59:57.000 This is bizarre.

00:59:58.000 This is a porn theater.

01:00:01.000 I used to live right next to this place, cinéma la mour.

01:00:04.000 Love cinema.

01:00:05.000 And I went, I've got a pretty strong stomach.

01:00:07.000 I'm willing to mop up this place and all the disgusting fluids that appear on the floor because I assume it's $200 an hour.

01:00:15.000 So I'll work there like two hours a week and I'll make 400 bucks and then I can just get drunk with my friends.

01:00:20.000 So I go in there and I'm like, I'll buy a gas mask from an Army surplus shop and a hazmat suit and I'll clean this place.

01:00:28.000 I'm a punk.

01:00:29.000 I can handle gross.

01:00:30.000 And then what is it?

01:00:31.000 Is it $200 an hour or $250?

01:00:33.000 And they go, no, it's minimum wage, $5.

01:00:36.000 Pardon émoi?

01:00:38.000 You pay people minimum wage to clean this place? 1.00

01:00:41.000 Are you out of your mind?

01:00:43.000 But they had takers.

01:00:45.000 Okay.

01:00:47.000 And it's still there.

01:00:48.000 That was there when I moved in Montreal.

01:00:50.000 I moved to Montreal in 1988.

01:00:53.000 And I've seen so many places come and go.

01:00:56.000 But Cinéma La Mour, they must have a prostitution ring or something going on in there. 1.00

01:01:03.000 There are places.

01:01:03.000 There's a place there called Grand Prix.

01:01:06.000 And it's apparently owned by people who have ties to the police force.

01:01:10.000 And it's just a strip club where you go into these booths and you have sex with the strippers. 1.00

01:01:16.000 It's a brothel and they never get busted. 1.00

01:01:20.000 Next, Bar Biftech.

01:01:22.000 We used to go there all the time.

01:01:23.000 I don't know why I'm showing you that.

01:01:24.000 That's my old local bar.

01:01:26.000 Lots of anti-fascist propaganda around there.

01:01:29.000 I actually ended up wearing a disguise because I realized I'm going to get attacked.

01:01:33.000 I'm in Antifa Central here.

01:01:36.000 Keep going.

01:01:37.000 There's more Manon Massey.

01:01:39.000 What a absolute freak.

01:01:43.000 Keep going.

01:01:44.000 That's my old buddy Eric I grew up with.

01:01:47.000 I noticed Canadians, they come to meet you for dinner and stuff, and they bring a bunch of presents.

01:01:51.000 So that was an embroidered thing he gave my wife for her jean jacket she could have stitched on.

01:01:56.000 It says party time, and it's a bunch of beads.

01:02:02.000 Every time you meet up with your friends that are Canadian, it's like a Nardwar interview. 1.00

01:02:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:02:06.000 And then you do this.

01:02:08.000 This is, remember this?

01:02:09.000 Oh, yeah, that's from my first thing.

01:02:11.000 Yeah, maybe that's Nardwar Embracing Canadian culture. 0.99

01:02:16.000 Keep going.

01:02:19.000 I just thought this is, I could show you a Canadian Maker's Mark bottle.

01:02:22.000 It's got, I still don't understand whiskey and bourbon.

01:02:25.000 Bourbon's a type of whiskey.

01:02:26.000 Is that the deal?

01:02:28.000 And look, it's got to say all this stuff.

01:02:29.000 Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

01:02:31.000 Scotch and bourbon.

01:02:32.000 That was like 30 bucks U.S. Cost me 45 bucks U.S. for that in New York.

01:02:37.000 Keep going.

01:02:38.000 Café Cleopat.

01:02:40.000 That's a strip club for people who are not accepted at normal strip clubs. 1.00

01:02:44.000 So you'll have overweight women there, women with missing a limb. 1.00

01:02:48.000 You'll have men there, drag queens. 1.00

01:02:50.000 There's a whole drag queen. 1.00

01:02:51.000 There's several floors.

01:02:52.000 There's like four floors.

01:02:53.000 And it is the outcasts.

01:02:55.000 And it's very affordable.

01:02:57.000 And this was my spot.

01:02:59.000 I am a Cleopat, I'm a cafe Cliopat kind of guy.

01:03:02.000 I like going there.

01:03:03.000 I bring New Yorkers there whenever we visit.

01:03:04.000 And they all go, what are we doing here?

01:03:06.000 This is disgusting.

01:03:07.000 That's a dude with tits. 1.00

01:03:09.000 And I go, yes.

01:03:11.000 Salurita, Sava.

01:03:12.000 Aye, Sava, Gabe.

01:03:14.000 I know them all.

01:03:15.000 It's an awesome place.

01:03:16.000 I brought my mother there once.

01:03:17.000 She got it.

01:03:18.000 And she was crying with laughter, like tears pouring down her face as these men in high heels are walking by and fat chicks and blind girls. 0.99

01:03:31.000 It's fun.

01:03:32.000 Oh, this is, you went to this park.

01:03:34.000 It's like six flags, La Rounde, it's called.

01:03:36.000 I guess the round.

01:03:38.000 But look at all these rules.

01:03:39.000 And one of them is no blasphemous language.

01:03:42.000 L'Angage blasphemas.

01:03:44.000 Blasphematique?

01:03:45.000 Is that what it said?

01:03:46.000 Blasphemois blas. 1.00

01:03:48.000 Now, in their defense, I have to explain that all their swear words are based on the church.

01:03:56.000 So kales is the chalice.

01:03:58.000 Esti is the host.

01:04:00.000 Tabarnak is the tabernacle.

01:04:03.000 So blasphemy and swearing is actually just the same.

01:04:07.000 The sugar, honey, iced tea word and the for unlawful carnal knowledge word, that mean nothing.

01:04:13.000 They say that you say that to a kid at a daycare.

01:04:15.000 You can say sh, but you don't say kales or est to a kid.

01:04:21.000 Or offensive banter or offensive behavior.

01:04:25.000 Sorry, they add, isn't that weird?

01:04:27.000 They have to add a little bit of English at the end of each one.

01:04:29.000 Quebec is weird.

01:04:30.000 We're running, this is way over here.

01:04:32.000 This is my old Rob, my old friend Robbie Dylan, ex-con, tough guy.

01:04:36.000 I just thought his shirt was funny.

01:04:38.000 So intense.

01:04:40.000 Like we're out with the kids having ice cream and Robbie shows up.

01:04:42.000 Hey, what's going on, guys?

01:04:44.000 Everyone in all the English, Italians, and Irish in Montreal, they speak like they're in goodfellas. 0.91

01:04:49.000 It could be from movies.

01:04:50.000 I have no idea why.

01:04:51.000 But what does his shirt say?

01:04:52.000 Live without fear or something?

01:04:54.000 Can you read that?

01:04:56.000 Be without fear.

01:04:57.000 In the face of your enemy, stand brave and upright, that the Lord may love thee.

01:05:02.000 Seek the truth always.

01:05:03.000 Oh, no, speak the truth always, even if it means your death.

01:05:06.000 Protect the helpless and do no wrong.

01:05:08.000 Jesus Christ.

01:05:10.000 At any time of day, in any circumstance.

01:05:12.000 Chill out, Rob.

01:05:15.000 Look at the stuff I got too.

01:05:17.000 I got, you know, this is another important tip.

01:05:20.000 When you go to these places, other cities and stuff, you go, I don't want that crap.

01:05:24.000 I don't need that crap.

01:05:25.000 Yes, in the context of Montreal, it just seems like useless crap.

01:05:29.000 But then when you come back to your city in New York and you have these shooters that say Tabarnac, like a license plate says Tabarnac, that's just another silly swear word.

01:05:38.000 It's actually kind of rude there.

01:05:40.000 Here, it's just exotic.

01:05:41.000 And look at this.

01:05:43.000 You don't want to buy a Poutin snow globe when you see it in Montreal.

01:05:47.000 But then you're back in New York and you've got this on your kitchen windowsill.

01:05:52.000 A Poutin snow globe.

01:05:54.000 I couldn't regret this less, although I didn't want it to buy it at the time.

01:05:58.000 My wife bought it, of course.

01:05:59.000 But this is what they mean.

01:06:00.000 Chu magané. 0.98

01:06:02.000 Chu is je sui su, I think.

01:06:08.000 means je sui.

01:06:09.000 So chu fang means je sui fame, like I'm finished.

01:06:13.000 Sol common but means I'm drunk as a boot.

01:06:17.000 Chu magane means I am hungover.

01:06:20.000 Je sui magana.

01:06:22.000 And then sal khaid.

01:06:25.000 Su kaid.

01:06:26.000 Khaid is stiff.

01:06:28.000 So stiff drink.

01:06:29.000 I'm a stiff drunk.

01:06:31.000 Now you have friends over and you're like, you want a sip?

01:06:34.000 And then they go, oh, what's this?

01:06:35.000 And then you, you know, it's a little conversation piece.

01:06:38.000 So I think when you go to touristy shops, be much more generous with your own money than you think you feel like.

01:06:46.000 Like I saw these socks that said Canada with pot leaves on them.

01:06:50.000 I thought, I don't really smoke pot.

01:06:51.000 I don't want this.

01:06:51.000 I'm so happy I have them here in New York now.

01:06:56.000 All right, we're running out of time.

01:06:57.000 Well, we ran out of time a long time ago, but I think the viewer is running out of patience.

01:07:00.000 We got anything else in the Montreal bin?

01:07:02.000 No, this wraps up our little road trip.

01:07:05.000 This wraps up our road trip.

01:07:07.000 So we did Montreal to New York.

01:07:10.000 That was a six-hour thing.

01:07:11.000 Got some movies on the screen.

01:07:15.000 The kids watched about three.

01:07:16.000 You know, you stop for lunch.

01:07:17.000 Six hours is pretty bad, but that's the worst that trip got.

01:07:21.000 And otherwise, I broke it down to four.

01:07:23.000 And I could have broken up the Montreal, New York thing.

01:07:25.000 Or another idea I had was, if we weren't sort of really ready to come home by Montreal, I could have left at 8, and that would have been 9.10.

01:07:33.000 The kids probably couldn't make it past 11 p.m.

01:07:35.000 Then they would have slept 11.12.1 and that only would have been essentially three hours for them because they'd be unconscious for three.

01:07:44.000 So I highly recommend road trips with the kids.

01:07:48.000 It's a great way to get to know them again.

01:07:50.000 It's a fun vacation because there's a lot of variety.

01:07:53.000 And you come back with what I hope you guys have thought were great stories.

01:07:59.000 Fun little bit of culture up in Canada.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 04, 2018

Ep 193 | Road Trip | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript