Bill is joined by his 13th and 14th best friend, Gary Vaynerchuck, to talk about baseball, drugs, and his first New York moment. Plus, a story about his first time in New York.
Transcript
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00:01:20.000By the way, speaking of talking to the camera, I also hate that when the Mets are playing Keith Hernandez, the camera will be on, and Keith Hernandez will be talking, but he'll be looking up at the camera as he talks, like kind of self-consciously.
00:04:30.000When you get to this age, if I was married to some 20-year-old and she wanted to have sex like three times a day, I'd be like, well, you might want to get a boyfriend then.
00:04:39.000I'd like to meet you every 48 hours, please, ma'am.
00:04:42.000Yeah, you're going to look like that burn victim character Jim Carrey did in Loving Color after day one.
00:04:52.000I mean, God, the reason that you have nightmares when you're a teenager about sex, and please, God, I want to stop being so horny is because God wants you to procreate.
00:05:01.000And when you get to this age, God's like, actually, some other people are going to handle it for a while.
00:06:21.000But, you know, I think there's a shortage of families in this country.
00:06:25.000And I look at you and Ann, and I think this Is your lineage over?
00:06:31.000Well, I don't understand why you would ever want me to reproduce.
00:06:35.000Like, there's like, I'm happy that I'm number 14 on your list of best friends, but like, there's nothing about me as a human being that you like, so I don't know why you would want me to reproduce so that there'd be little deprecation.
00:06:54.000I don't know if you can come to succeeding.
00:06:56.000Well, yeah, all right, so leading up to that.
00:06:58.000Like, there was another guest that you wanted on, and of course it's not coming, but I was sort of like the afterthought that may or may not come too.
00:07:06.000And this A-hole's reply was, man, you owe me.
00:07:11.000And I remember looking at this and thinking, what exactly do I owe you?
00:07:15.000No, I said you owe me because I've appeared on your show many times.
00:08:28.000But if there were people that kind of talked like that, it might have been a certain family that rhymes with Schmolter from New Canaan, Connecticut.
00:09:26.000I just realized we've been teasing to you coming on this show for the entirety of the previous part, but I just realized you say in the write-up and Coulter, Bill Schultz, and that just ruins the whole bit.
00:10:20.000I mean, apparently O'Reilly's making money handover seeds.
00:10:24.000I just, I kept saying, I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe it, because his audience is not really the internet generation.
00:11:44.000And some of them have gotten fired for what they do in their free time, which is come and protect a defenseless female who's going to give a talk.
00:12:03.000They called the Southern, I can tell you, they called the Southern Poverty Law Center and they were assured by an expert that the Proud Boys are white supremacists.
00:12:23.000Yeah, it's just like calling somebody a poopy head.
00:12:25.000They do the same thing with Peter Brimlow, who has an immigration website, absolutely consonant with everything the man who was just elected president believes on immigration, except, you know, without the grammatical errors.
00:12:41.000And Southern Poverty Law Center and the New York Times, they just casually say, oh yeah, Peter Brimlow, white nationalist.
00:12:49.000He's, you know, Oxford educated, Stanford business school.
00:13:13.000Not a joke, but well, it was kind of a joke, that somebody told, you guys know this, I haven't been paying attention to the news, some candidate, it was either Georgia or Arizona, was invited to, I don't know, a debate or something, and she said, yeah, he could have a public hanging, and I'd be in the front row.
00:13:29.000Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.
00:17:02.000When you go to the South on a Friday night, the little towns are deserted because on Friday night, because it's all the Friday night lights, it's all the mayor's a loser.
00:17:10.000No one cares who he is, but the local high school coach never pays for a beer.
00:17:16.000You know what I heard recently about the American Negro Baseball League?
00:17:22.000That used to be huge in Kansas City and some of these more southern towns, and it was an integral pillar of the black community.
00:17:29.000And 100% of them would be there on Friday night.
00:17:31.000And they'd play like three times a week.
00:17:33.000So the Negro League's diamond was right downtown Kansas City in the black part of town.
00:17:40.000And they would all go there, and they'd be dressed up, and they'd have a party, and it was part of the community, and that you'd meet the banker and the local barber and butcher, and everyone was friends.
00:18:15.000Although what really changed the community cohesion was about the time, because if you look at the old civil rights marches, you just reminded me by describing the blacks in town coming out with ties and the bankers and the teachers and so on.
00:18:31.000Look at all the old civil rights marches.
00:18:32.000They're dressed like they're going to church.
00:18:36.000But right at the time we finally get a federal civil rights act, we also got Teddy Kennedy's Immigration Act dumping millions and millions of third world low-wage workers on the country.
00:18:47.000So right as blacks are coming up out of slavery and Jim Crow and great things ahead of them, here, we're going to dump a million third worlders on the country to compete with you for jobs.
00:19:00.000And simultaneously with all that, you get Civil Rights Act, triple, well, that was a good thing, and then a double whammy for black Americans.
00:19:10.000I mean, it really was heavily black Americans who needed to get into the middle class at that point.
00:19:15.000Number one, you had the Gray Society programs luring you with, don't bother working, don't bother competing with these low-wage workers from third world countries.
00:19:24.000Here, you can have babies and we'll cut you a check.
00:19:27.000So we have the Gray Society programs encouraging illegitimacy and massive dump of low-wage workers on the country.
00:19:34.000That's how the Democrats, ladies and gentlemen, described civil rights.
00:19:38.000And black Republicans were the ones who were always pro.
00:19:45.000Some of the provisions he wanted to make strong.
00:19:47.000Well, he was always sort of like a let-the-market decide kind of guy.
00:19:50.000Well, he was a nut libertarian, which is why I hate nut libertarians.
00:19:53.000But, you know, he desegregated Goldwassers, I guess it was called, Gold Wassers, department stores, long before there was any law requiring it.
00:20:04.000He didn't think the Civil Rights Act should apply to private businesses, but he wanted much stronger punishments for any government discriminating on the basis of race.
00:20:13.000So in some ways, he thought the Civil Rights Act didn't go far enough, but he's a perfect example of an ideologue.
00:20:21.000No, we finally, this was basically the bill President, or at the time Vice President Nixon had been pushing through that Democrats and LBG rejected.
00:20:31.000They finally got the LBJ to take credit for it with Republicans voting for it.
00:20:35.000And you have to have this purest libertarian.
00:21:10.000But that thing you said earlier about importing cheap labor and hurting blacks, that sounds so sinister and pre-planned.
00:21:17.000Do you think it really was that I'm going to get cheap labor and I'm going to have, what do you say, N-wards voting Democrat for the first 400 years?
00:22:15.000Well, I'm getting the feeling that New York is turning into California, that the DNC is smothering it, and soon from top to bottom, it'll be inseparable.
00:22:26.000I think he's like the one last Republican stalwart in this state.
00:22:31.000Other than that, yeah, who else is there?
00:22:33.000No, they're really driving businesses out, making it difficult.
00:22:36.000I was talking to someone today who runs a small business, and he was describing, I mean, if you ever talk to people who run small businesses and we don't.
00:22:43.000In Manhattan a lot, they're very conservative.
00:22:46.000Oh my gosh, I always want to write about it.
00:22:49.000Yeah, but one thing, and I forced him to admit this, but he was talking about the New York State family leave law.
00:22:58.000So if for any reason a parent is sick, a spouse is sick, a child is born, you get to leave for eight weeks.
00:23:07.000There can be no discrimination in taking you back.
00:23:09.000So the guy's telling me, okay, so what am I going to do?
00:23:12.000I'm going to screw over somebody that I'm going to hire part-time for eight weeks.
00:23:15.000How do I get somebody for eight weeks?
00:23:19.000And he said he just had to stop contributing to the 401k, whatever it is, for his employees because he has to move people around.
00:23:27.000And the part I got him to admit was, I said, my guess is it's more women than men taking advantage of this Family Leave Act.
00:23:59.000Try doing that with a woman, a gay, a black, someone not born in this country.
00:24:04.000So whether they realize it or not, employers are going to have an inclination.
00:24:09.000If you have two equally qualified employees, take the white guy, he can't sue.
00:24:14.000I also think sometimes when women get fired, they go, I need some money, let me go back over the past couple weeks and see if I can pull anything out of my ass.
00:24:23.000Oh, there was that time that that guy said a penis joke.
00:24:34.000That's what we like to call preemptive strike, Carter.
00:24:38.000I talked to some guys that are in finance and stuff, and they tell me that behind closed doors, there's sort of this secret that says, look, if we're starting a new thing, don't hire a woman.
00:24:57.000Well, even with, like, say you're a black woman and you're funny and you like to riff.
00:25:02.000I bet you, and I'm just guessing, that if there's an office that has like the little snack room with the vending machines, I bet when the black lady walks in, everyone just sort of goes, oh, right.
00:25:13.000She's like, thanks for making me a pariah.
00:25:41.000So much of men's jokes are insulting to themselves.
00:25:45.000Yeah, like I used to work with this gorgeous hunk named Sebastian, Melt in Your Mouth, gorgeous.
00:25:50.000And we would be on business trips, and I'd be like brushing my teeth in the morning, and he's like 28 or something, and he'd go, Jesus, look at this specimen, right?
00:26:54.000There was not one policy mentioned at once, and when they won, all the tweets were like, people of color and women, not health care, not the environment, nothing.
00:29:27.000And then I meet some of them, and there is a large group of college students who are saying nothing, who are sitting through their white privilege classes and listening to themselves being harangued.
00:29:37.000And they come out of college barking mad right-wingers.
00:29:42.000Never say anything, don't upset the apple cart, but they go on Twitter and quickly get banned from Twitter.
00:29:48.000But by the way, he's going to get pissy if we keep mentioning the T-word, since you and I started to get away from the music.
00:32:02.000But they're showing all his jokes, and they're from like the late 80s, I guess.
00:32:06.000And they're all so funny, and they're racist and offensive.
00:32:11.000But you go, oh, yeah, I remember when things were funny.
00:32:13.000Like one of the things he did, it was two Klansmen walking down the street, and the quote was, oh, I love when you just get sheets fresh out of the dryer.
00:32:23.000Where he had some black cannibal, and a waiter is by him, and the cannibal is blood all over his face, and the waiter's arm is gone, and his leg is gone.
00:33:21.000And he wrote, at the end of Tropic Thunder, there's an extra, a DVD extra where it's about the director and this German film student who's obsessed with the director.
00:33:30.000And it's called like Documental, I think.
00:33:33.000And then he did an HBO pilot based on that.
00:33:37.000And it is the funniest thing I've ever read.
00:33:38.000He goes, do you think you could punch that up?
00:33:39.000And I handed him back the exact same one going, there, punch it up.
00:36:22.000When there's the old days, you just picked up the newspaper, like the New York Times in 1960, and you were like, I'm getting a ton of well-researched facts.
00:37:50.000No, I'm scared we're going to lose Tropic Thunder.
00:37:52.000So they did Blackface in that movie, but the one thing they got in big trouble for, and they got away with Blackface because they were criticizing Blackface.
00:38:40.000So they, and this is a really important story because it shows you how the left creates trouble where there wasn't and then actually does the thing they're purporting to defend.
00:38:49.000So he said Robert Denny Jr. guy takes him aside and he says to Ben Siller, who played a really, really handicap guy named Jack.
00:38:58.000The name of the movie was Simple Jack.
00:39:54.000And part of the things that got all this rolling was them having these people with Down syndrome having a protest outside of wherever it was, 20th Century Fox, marching outside.
00:40:04.000And someone put that sign in that person's hand and said, this movie, they're calling you a retard.