Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 06, 2018


Get Off My Lawn #22 | I Used to Live in a Yuppie Building


Episode Stats

Length

33 minutes

Words per Minute

168.91626

Word Count

5,715

Sentence Count

447

Misogynist Sentences

61

Hate Speech Sentences

26


Summary

In this episode, we talk about why we left our yuppie apartment building in Williamsburg, New York City, and how we ended up in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. We also talk about our new apartment building on the Upper West Side, and why we don t want to live there anymore. And we have a special guest on the pod this week, who is a lesbian and a hipster from Williamsburg. We don t know what that means, but we know it's not a good place to be a lesbian, and it's a bad place to have a kid, so we don't want you to go there either. We also have a new segment called "Hipster Monday" where we discuss the hipster subculture that has taken over the city, and what it means to be hipster in the 21st century. And, of course, we answer your questions! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. We do not own the rights to either of these songs used in this episode. credit goes to original artists and music used in the music used on this episode was written, produced, and produced by our patrons and produced by us. Thank you to our patrons and our patrons for all the support and support of this episode and all the hard work put into it into the music we got back into the podcast. we hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much to our efforts to make it out there, and we appreciate the feedback we got from you all the love and support we get back from all of you. and the support we've gotten back from our listeners. - we really appreciate it. We really appreciate all of the love, support you all of it. xoxo, thank you, love, appreciate it, and appreciate you, and keep coming back, and thank you back, back again, and back again. thank you all for all of your support. XOXOXO, bye. Tom, Sarah, Kristy, Brian, and the rest of the support us with all of our support and love, and love you, bye, bye bye. Love ya, bye! Sarah, Sarah and bye. xo. Sarah xo, Amy, Caitlyn, EJ, JUICY, JB, and JUY, M.A.


Transcript

00:00:01.000 I used to live in a yuppie building.
00:00:04.000 In the penthouse.
00:00:06.000 Corner apartment.
00:00:07.000 I was the king.
00:00:09.000 I'm better than you.
00:00:10.000 When you get in the elevator and you push 3, I push PH.
00:00:14.000 Ha ha ha ha!
00:00:16.000 I think I read once that people aren't necessarily happy when they're better than people.
00:00:22.000 It's better when they're better than the people in their small circle.
00:00:25.000 So say you make 40 grand a year, but everyone you know makes 20, you're happier.
00:00:30.000 And to be totally honest with myself and you,
00:00:33.000 Part of that influenced my decision to get the penthouse, because I thought, within that little building, I'll be king.
00:00:40.000 But it didn't turn out like that.
00:00:42.000 I didn't feel that way.
00:00:43.000 A lot of them got on my nerves.
00:00:45.000 A lot of them were good people, and I had some friends in the building.
00:00:47.000 Some of them I were jealous of.
00:00:49.000 Like, on the third floor, everyone was three.
00:00:52.000 I guess that's the way they worked it out.
00:00:55.000 Everyone was penthouse-aged on my floor, but the three-year-olds were on the third floor.
00:00:59.000 So, there was about seven apartments on that floor, and they'd all have their doors open.
00:01:03.000 And the kids would just run around.
00:01:05.000 That's why I left Williamsburg, is because my kids weren't playing.
00:01:09.000 Every day was a play date.
00:01:10.000 Everything was monitored play.
00:01:11.000 But if we'd had a floor where kids were just all the same age, then I would have stayed, probably.
00:01:16.000 And been killed.
00:01:18.000 When I walk around Williamsburg now, people gasp.
00:01:21.000 I can't really go there anymore.
00:01:24.000 I'm David Duke to them.
00:01:25.000 It's like David Duke in Harlem is me going to Williamsburg.
00:01:28.000 Which is ironic, because I created it.
00:01:30.000 Along with my compatriots' advice, when we moved in to the warehouse of Triple Five Soul, Williamsburg was a dead zone.
00:01:38.000 And then the do's and don'ts regularly being publicized created a subculture called hipsters, and the next thing you know, it was cool to move there, and it went from maybe three artists and a homosexual to the hot place to be.
00:01:51.000 Now, when we opened a restaurant, we chose the Lower East Side, sorry, the East Village, because it was cheaper than Williamsburg.
00:01:59.000 In many ways, Manhattan is now cheaper than Williamsburg.
00:02:02.000 And yes, I did make a horse ton of money when I sold that apartment.
00:02:08.000 But anyway... Yeah, Williamsburg... I knew another guy, another family, who were by the BQE, which meant that it was buttress with a big fence, so it was a dead end.
00:02:19.000 And that also seemed bucolic.
00:02:21.000 They would play soccer and stuff, and there's no traffic, obviously it's a dead end.
00:02:26.000 And there was all kids the same age, and they'd have their skateboard just lying on the ground and stuff.
00:02:31.000 That was cool.
00:02:32.000 And that's worth staying.
00:02:34.000 But if your kids can't hop on their bike and go to Darren Alberti's house, then don't live there.
00:02:38.000 So we moved.
00:02:39.000 And now that we're gone, I feel I can talk shit about my old building, my yuppie building.
00:02:44.000 Yuppie buildings in New York City are mostly Europeans, European whites, with accents, Asians,
00:02:56.000 Both these groups work in finance and lesbians.
00:03:00.000 A smattering of gays.
00:03:02.000 Lesbians work in a wide variety of occupations but they're very successful.
00:03:08.000 I guess because they don't have to go home to kids.
00:03:11.000 I know we're told women make 77 cents on the dollar.
00:03:14.000 Lesbians don't seem to make less than men.
00:03:17.000 They seem to be doing pretty well.
00:03:18.000 But it's kind of an odd combination because the lesbians
00:03:22.000 They have tattoos and hair and, like, spiky hair.
00:03:27.000 They dress like, uh, like wiggers, really.
00:03:30.000 They look like big, tall Justin Biebers.
00:03:33.000 When he was, you know, ten years ago.
00:03:36.000 With the sideways baseball hats and all that, and the fresh kicks.
00:03:39.000 But they're also really into pit bulls.
00:03:42.000 Which I never really understood.
00:03:45.000 Now, Asians?
00:03:46.000 What are Asians into?
00:03:48.000 Little dogs.
00:03:49.000 Expensive little purebreds.
00:03:52.000 That's not a good combination.
00:03:54.000 Because pitbulls eat little dogs.
00:03:57.000 They eat little people, too.
00:03:59.000 And they eat adults.
00:04:01.000 No, that's the owners!
00:04:02.000 Yeah, okay.
00:04:04.000 Hey, pitbull owners, 100% of the pitbulls who bit someone who's in ER, you have the pitbull owner going, I don't know what's going on, he's never been like this before.
00:04:14.000 You know, he was kind of panicking, and it was sketching her out.
00:04:17.000 Yeah, it's his fault.
00:04:20.000 But one time,
00:04:21.000 This lesbian's pitbull figured out how to open the front door and he went down the hall and ate a dog.
00:04:30.000 He ate a dog.
00:04:32.000 And so in the lobby where there was this Asian woman sobbing and this lesbian looking very nervous, I think she had to move actually because her dog was a threat.
00:04:41.000 And of course, she's not going to give up the dog.
00:04:43.000 That's her baby.
00:04:45.000 And this woman blubbering when her little dog got eaten.
00:04:48.000 It was kind of hard not to laugh, I'm afraid.
00:04:50.000 I don't have a lot of sympathy for dogs, sorry about that.
00:04:52.000 That probably sounds pretty callous, but I know the dog meant a lot to her, but it didn't mean a lot to me.
00:04:57.000 That was the other thing about these yuppies.
00:04:59.000 They act like Tom Hanks in Big.
00:05:03.000 They act like the world is their playground, and you care about their stupid lives, their dumb dogs, and their useless crap.
00:05:11.000 So, like there was another time another dog was attacked by another lesbian spitball.
00:05:16.000 I'm not talking about anecdotal cases here.
00:05:18.000 I'm talking about general patterns in this building.
00:05:22.000 It was down by the water in Williamsburg.
00:05:24.000 So we could see over to the city.
00:05:26.000 Great view.
00:05:27.000 Empire State Building from bed.
00:05:28.000 It was awesome.
00:05:29.000 Um, but uh, this other one, the dog, it was, I don't know if it was like a Rottweiler or a Pitbull or whatever weird masculine gesture this lesbian was trying to make with her dog, but it attacked the living shit out of another tiny dog.
00:05:45.000 And we had this sort of a message board, like group email thing, I don't know what to call it.
00:05:52.000 Where you would put up notices and everyone would get the email.
00:05:54.000 Users group.
00:05:55.000 You could say, like, there's a light bulb burnt out on the stairway, or, does anyone want my garbage?
00:06:00.000 I'll, I'll, I'm only charging $200.
00:06:03.000 One of the mass emails was, as many of you know, Mr. Tigglesworth was attacked yesterday.
00:06:11.000 We're currently pursuing charges, both in legal and civil court.
00:06:18.000 He will live, we're told, but he's still got a lot of healing to do.
00:06:26.000 Now the following pictures are not for the weak of heart, but I would be remiss if I were not to include them.
00:06:34.000 And then he shows like 40 pictures of his dog being operated on, wearing the cone.
00:06:40.000 Dude, I could not possibly care less.
00:06:47.000 That your fucking dog has a boo-boo.
00:06:51.000 I could not care less!
00:06:55.000 And the idea that it's for the faint of heart.
00:06:57.000 You know, someone, I'm not gonna name names, but a friend of mine who was in South Africa recently just sent me a picture of Africans eating children.
00:07:06.000 Cannibals.
00:07:08.000 That is the most disturbing video I've seen.
00:07:10.000 That is not for the faint of heart.
00:07:12.000 She doesn't know what to do with it, by the way.
00:07:14.000 You can't put it on YouTube.
00:07:15.000 What are you gonna do, put it in a movie?
00:07:17.000 I mean, it would be too graphic for a horror movie if the bodies were fake.
00:07:22.000 That's daunting.
00:07:23.000 That's scary.
00:07:24.000 Your stupid fucking dog getting attacked?
00:07:30.000 I couldn't care less.
00:07:31.000 And so another notice that we got once, they were shooting Men in Black 2.
00:07:37.000 We're good to go!
00:07:54.000 Were these cars like the Ford Galaxy 1959?
00:07:58.000 Back when cars didn't look like cough drops.
00:08:01.000 These beautiful stunning cars with the shark fins.
00:08:03.000 They sort of, they kind of cheat a bit with that movie.
00:08:06.000 So the cars range from 1950 to 1970.
00:08:09.000 I ended up looking up most of them.
00:08:11.000 But every time I went outside, it was just so beautiful seeing these works of art.
00:08:16.000 You know, when women weren't buying cars, and it wasn't about saving $7 in gas by being aerodynamic, and it was about having hard right angles and looking tough and cool.
00:08:26.000 Oh, heaven!
00:08:28.000 And then we get a message on the message board.
00:08:30.000 Hey everyone.
00:08:31.000 I don't know if you've noticed but that annoying light from the Men in Black 2 shoot.
00:08:36.000 Here is your local alderman of film production in New York.
00:08:40.000 You can contact him here to complain.
00:08:42.000 You can also complain via 311 to the city about... And I look the guy up and he does videos for a living.
00:08:50.000 Now, I'm already a contentious customer, so I don't need my kids, you know, being more tense.
00:08:56.000 So I don't want to pick fights in our own home.
00:09:00.000 But I was thinking, dude, what the- what are you doing?
00:09:03.000 What's your problem?
00:09:04.000 You're in- this is employing people.
00:09:07.000 They're spending tons of money.
00:09:09.000 They're generating income for themselves, for the city.
00:09:11.000 You live in New York City, and Williamsburg, as far as I'm concerned, at least that part of it, is New York City.
00:09:16.000 It's just over the water.
00:09:17.000 It's not like Jersey, where it instantly becomes residential.
00:09:20.000 Or Greenpoint, where it instantly becomes Poland.
00:09:22.000 Williamsburg is just part of 14th Street that goes underwater for a little bit.
00:09:28.000 So in New York City, you're discouraging people from making awesome, cool movies for kids?
00:09:33.000 Fuck.
00:09:34.000 You.
00:09:36.000 You know, another time, I was, I'm the cheapest man alive, as you may have guessed, and I was walking outside, and I saw a sign, and it said, it was one of the, there used to be a clothing store there, but it shut down, like overnight, and all of a sudden they were selling sandwiches, and the prices were 50 cents, a dollar, and I was looking at it going, and looking at the soda pop, like a thing of Coke was 10 cents, and I'm looking at it going, finally,
00:10:02.000 Finally, some reasonable prices in this area.
00:10:05.000 That's all a sandwich should be.
00:10:06.000 It's just bread and some cheap vegetables.
00:10:09.000 And then I noticed some Model T Fords and realized, oh, this is the set of Boardwalk Empire.
00:10:16.000 I'm looking at 1930s prices.
00:10:19.000 You know, around the time of the Great Depression.
00:10:21.000 Okay, that's when you know you're cheap.
00:10:24.000 When you see the Great Depression in a movie set and you want to go in and buy one of the sandwiches because you think that's a good price.
00:10:32.000 But John Glazer, the comedian, who, by the way, dumped me because of Trump, he lives in a yuppie building too, and we would send each other the notices.
00:10:41.000 So I have them all saved.
00:10:42.000 That's the beauty of email, right?
00:10:45.000 And so I'm going to read you some of the group emails that were sent to people in the building.
00:10:50.000 And, you know, for all the, what's it called?
00:10:55.000 I want to say genocide, gentrification.
00:10:58.000 And all the yuppie hate that you get from the left, it's self-hatred and I condemn it and I say gentrification brings down crime, shut up.
00:11:07.000 But sometimes they have a point and these yuppies they hate are pretty bad.
00:11:12.000 So these are in no particular order.
00:11:15.000 Notary in building?
00:11:17.000 Is the subject heading.
00:11:18.000 We are looking to have numerous documents notarized this evening or on Saturday morning.
00:11:23.000 Is anyone in the building a notary?
00:11:26.000 Now a notary, as you know, is the person who can sign a document to make it valid and they have a little stamp they get.
00:11:31.000 Lawyers are them.
00:11:32.000 Pretty much all pharmacists.
00:11:34.000 If you look up notary on your phone, especially in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, there's one every block.
00:11:40.000 Every pharmacy there's a notary in there.
00:11:42.000 But you are so Tom Hanks that you want to just do it from your living room.
00:11:47.000 Shall I come down with my little stamp for you?
00:11:51.000 Here's another one that's very typical.
00:11:53.000 I have four Ikea Glenwhite barstools that I'm looking to sell.
00:11:57.000 They retail for $80 each.
00:11:58.000 I'm asking $40 each, or $70 for two.
00:12:02.000 I have one of these barstools, by the way.
00:12:04.000 And inevitably, in these pitches, they go back to the Ikea site, and they find the original, fresh, fancy one from the catalog.
00:12:11.000 Look, there's an area in the basement in the parking garage by the elevators.
00:12:14.000 Put your junk there.
00:12:15.000 If no one picks it up, then it's garbage.
00:12:18.000 You've already used it.
00:12:19.000 You already had a good run with those chairs.
00:12:21.000 You don't need to chisel us for $40, you cheap ass.
00:12:26.000 We're in basically the Zurich of New York.
00:12:29.000 A maker's mark is $12.
00:12:32.000 That's like three drinks your stupid chair is.
00:12:37.000 And, you know, I say kids are cheap, but in that culture, those yuppie cultures, it was expensive.
00:12:41.000 In fact, when I got that, I noted that I'd just been to Philly on a little vacation, because my son at the time was obsessed with Benjamin Franklin.
00:12:48.000 So the museum was a hundred bucks, left the car overnight, that was 75 bucks, dinner's a good 80 bucks.
00:12:56.000 Why are these people constantly trying to gouge $10 here, $10 there?
00:12:59.000 Oh, here's a doozy, here's one.
00:13:01.000 Before I donate our UPPA baby stroller, I don't know what that means, probably a fancy kind,
00:13:07.000 To charity, I wanted to see if anyone in the building could use a stroller.
00:13:11.000 After a good cleanup of the fabric, it should be in good shape.
00:13:15.000 Um, we're all rich in this building, lady.
00:13:18.000 We don't want to risk, you know, a wheel coming off, or there being, you know, bed bugs on it or something.
00:13:26.000 People, middle class and above, always want new baby seats.
00:13:30.000 They don't want to find out, oh sorry, your child got hurled from their baby seat because apparently you got a used one that it had its structure compromised.
00:13:37.000 You don't mess around with baby stuff when you can afford not to.
00:13:41.000 I don't want your filthy,
00:13:43.000 Effing baby stroller!
00:13:45.000 Alright, I'm getting example exhaustion here.
00:13:46.000 I'll just do one more.
00:13:48.000 Uh, this was sent to me personally.
00:13:52.000 And, uh, it was a parent support group and meditation.
00:13:57.000 Okay.
00:13:58.000 Uh, this evening will begin, uh, I think it's at someone's house, probably their loft.
00:14:03.000 And, uh, it'll begin promptly at 6.30 with a group meditation led by blankety-blank name, who is, among other things, a healer, meditation instructor, and mom to blank in the orange class.
00:14:16.000 My parents, my kids went to a yuppie private school where you were in the oranges and you didn't have
00:14:21.000 Like you weren't in third grade, you were in the sixes, because you were six years old.
00:14:26.000 Afterwards, Jay, who is backed by popular demand, will be mediating the support group portion of the night, which ends at 8 p.m.
00:14:36.000 Do you want to murder these people?
00:14:38.000 Or what?
00:14:39.000 Oh, here's another one.
00:14:40.000 Yeah, that's- here's another one.
00:14:53.000 I don't want your dad's nude Japanese ass on my mattress!
00:14:58.000 What are you talking about?
00:15:00.000 Is this a commune?
00:15:02.000 You think I'm just gonna leave my apartment and... By the way, what kind of coincidence would it be if I happened to be leaving my apartment right when you were going?
00:15:12.000 Absolutely not!
00:15:13.000 No!
00:15:13.000 Tell your parents to get a hotel!
00:15:16.000 Or you give them your bed and sleep on an air mattress!
00:15:18.000 That's not the way life works!
00:15:20.000 You don't visit someone and then get to use the neighbor's house!
00:15:25.000 Okay, last one.
00:15:26.000 Last one.
00:15:28.000 Our nanny Ella has been with us for a year and a half, and is truly the most hard-working, dedicated, reliable, and loving person we have ever had the pleasure to work with.
00:15:37.000 We will be switching to live-in help, and strongly, STRONGLY encourage anyone looking for someone, or perhaps someone new, to consider her.
00:15:45.000 She does everything for us.
00:15:47.000 Picks up blank name, that's her son, from school, cooks all our meals, makes sure the house is clean, bathes, and puts him to bed.
00:15:57.000 Can I underline that with a red pen, please?
00:16:00.000 Takes him to classes and the playground.
00:16:03.000 Runs our errands.
00:16:05.000 Goes grocery shopping.
00:16:07.000 Everything.
00:16:08.000 I'm feeling honestly nauseous.
00:16:10.000 She is looking for full-time work, but the hours are extremely flexible.
00:16:13.000 Please get back to me if you're interested in passing in for Longville.
00:16:16.000 I took all my willpower not to email back.
00:16:18.000 Have you ever considered trying being a mother to your child for once?
00:16:22.000 She bathes him and puts him to bed?
00:16:25.000 You're at work all day.
00:16:26.000 You can't bathe your child?
00:16:28.000 That's one of the best things about being a parent is when you get their hair all soapy and you can make a mohawk or like spikes.
00:16:36.000 Like rabbit ears.
00:16:38.000 With the shampoo.
00:16:39.000 You're cutting that out?
00:16:40.000 Reading to your kid?
00:16:43.000 Every child loves nothing more at bedtime than lying next to his mommy.
00:16:48.000 She reads him two books.
00:16:49.000 I'll often read books to him.
00:16:51.000 And then snuggles with mom as he falls asleep.
00:16:54.000 No, you're snuggling with Ella.
00:16:57.000 It's revolting!
00:16:58.000 And what's more revolting, as we've discussed on the show before, just to go off of the political tangent, is this idea that you're importing love.
00:17:05.000 Does Ella have kids back in the third world where you stole her?
00:17:09.000 Are you... Are we importing love?
00:17:12.000 And not using our own love?
00:17:14.000 Like, where is she?
00:17:16.000 Is she at work?
00:17:17.000 What is this woman doing while someone else is putting her child to bed?
00:17:21.000 That's the other thing I think of working moms, too.
00:17:23.000 Like, who is this woman, this random woman, who's playing with your kid at a park and growing up with him?
00:17:29.000 Alright, sorry, I got too serious there.
00:17:34.000 Um... Okay, so I'm gonna end with the best part of this whole thing.
00:17:41.000 All yuppies, all upper middle class at the very least.
00:17:44.000 You were poor if you were making a hundred grand a year in that building.
00:17:48.000 And, uh, live-in nannies.
00:17:51.000 Gross!
00:17:51.000 In an apartment, no less.
00:17:55.000 Um, that means she has one kid.
00:17:57.000 Yeah.
00:17:58.000 Ew, I bet the kid sleeps with the nanny.
00:18:02.000 He's over there in a cot.
00:18:03.000 How?
00:18:03.000 That's just depraved!
00:18:06.000 Like, does God approve of this?
00:18:10.000 Some stranger is next to your child, hugging him and kissing him?
00:18:13.000 And you know what happens, by the way.
00:18:15.000 These women fall in love with the kids.
00:18:16.000 I obviously don't mean sexually.
00:18:18.000 But these women have genuine love for these children.
00:18:22.000 And the children genuinely love them back.
00:18:24.000 They're essentially adopted.
00:18:27.000 So this child's hugging Ella, and then mom is like, anti-mom.
00:18:32.000 That's making me nauseous.
00:18:34.000 Blah.
00:18:37.000 By the way, little side note.
00:18:39.000 Can I get a hug at some point?
00:18:41.000 I'm the corrections officer in my home.
00:18:43.000 I do all the no more screens, bedtime, no TV.
00:18:47.000 I'm constantly enforcing the rules.
00:18:48.000 Finish your dinner.
00:18:49.000 Don't talk to your sister that way.
00:18:51.000 Sit up.
00:18:52.000 I'm the enforcer in the house.
00:18:55.000 I don't care what mom said.
00:18:56.000 You're not playing Roblox.
00:18:59.000 So you're not exactly drowning in hugs.
00:19:01.000 Mom gets so many hugs and kisses.
00:19:04.000 Little fat arms wrapped around her neck.
00:19:06.000 I get like a hug a year.
00:19:12.000 Alright, so here's where it gets good.
00:19:15.000 In this building of remarkably naive, uh, lesbians, Asians, and Europeans who say, do you want to buy my hundred dollar, uh, Eames chair?
00:19:24.000 No, no, it's never something good like an Eames chair.
00:19:25.000 It's always like an old ratty green felt chair, velour chair that they've already used for four years.
00:19:33.000 I don't want your garbage.
00:19:37.000 So amidst all these people was a black woman who was severely handicapped named Bella.
00:19:46.000 This is an audio podcast so I can't do her walk but you can imagine like the arms have those T-Rex kind of shapes where they point down and in like the the smartest dinosaurs in Jurassic Park and then her feet are kind of pigeon-toed
00:20:00.000 And she only walks on her tippy toes and sort of stabs the ground as she walks at a 45 degree angle, you know?
00:20:06.000 Actually, a lot like a velociraptor.
00:20:09.000 So imagine a velociraptor, uh, if it had food poisoning and it was stumbling, like, about to die.
00:20:15.000 Imagine you shot a velociraptor and these are its last three steps.
00:20:19.000 Those are all her steps.
00:20:22.000 That scared me.
00:20:23.000 And that was Bella.
00:20:26.000 She apparently was hit by a car or something, and she made a ton of money, sued the city, and maybe she got hit by like a government vehicle.
00:20:35.000 And so she bought a ground floor apartment, one bedroom, in this fancy building.
00:20:41.000 What are you saying?
00:20:42.000 She doesn't belong there, Gavin?
00:20:43.000 Because she's black and handicapped?
00:20:46.000 No, I would say she doesn't belong there because there's a lot of families and she's clearly a crackhead prostitute.
00:20:56.000 Now, I noticed a huge range of her ability to speak.
00:21:02.000 Sometimes she was like this!
00:21:05.000 And then sometimes she'd just go, hi, what are you guys doing?
00:21:08.000 And would sound like a slightly retarded person.
00:21:12.000 I think that she was addicted to pain medication.
00:21:15.000 So when she seemed particularly retarded, she was actually just high.
00:21:21.000 She also would do crack and probably mix it with opioids, which probably feels great, but doesn't make for an interesting conversation partner.
00:21:30.000 And, uh, I, uh, everyone was really sycophantic, like, hi, Bella, how are you?
00:21:36.000 And I wouldn't do that because first of all,
00:21:39.000 I would see her bring home taxi drivers.
00:21:43.000 I think that she would abstain from paying them in exchange for fellatio.
00:21:48.000 Because you don't often see black women with East Indian men, but you would always see her with East Indian men at around midnight.
00:21:56.000 And they would come in and we'd see them leave immediately after.
00:21:59.000 I would also gossip with the doorman about that and he would confirm that that was going on.
00:22:06.000 Which isn't great when someone turns your home into a brothel.
00:22:10.000 And also, what's a cab?
00:22:12.000 Ten bucks?
00:22:13.000 Aren't you rich?
00:22:14.000 You just bought an apartment.
00:22:16.000 Couldn't you have saved a little for cab rides?
00:22:18.000 What do you eat?
00:22:20.000 She also had this boyfriend who, like a woman, is severely handicapped.
00:22:24.000 So isn't it kind of weird that you're dating her?
00:22:26.000 Is that legal?
00:22:27.000 It's not like she could have a normal conversation.
00:22:29.000 You're kind of a pedophile.
00:22:31.000 You're a form of pedophile if you're dating a mentally handicapped person.
00:22:35.000 And he, I imagine him with a boombox, but that can't be a correct memory.
00:22:39.000 He looked exactly like the love-hate guy from Do the Right Thing, Tyrone Furious Power Pants, whatever his name was.
00:22:47.000 Oh, Tyrone Furious Power Pants are playing at Mercury Lounge if you guys want to go.
00:22:51.000 I know the beatboxer who's opening for them.
00:22:56.000 So he was with her for a while, probably, you know, just mooching off her to get some money.
00:23:01.000 And, uh, the other weird thing about her was she would smoke crack in her apartment.
00:23:09.000 She started a fire once with, by smoking crack, probably passed out with a lit crack pipe in her hand.
00:23:15.000 I don't know, you don't pass out with crack, but something went wrong.
00:23:20.000 And, uh, she lit the carpet on fire.
00:23:23.000 So she did what any normal person would do, right, when their carpet's on fire.
00:23:27.000 She got up on the dining room table with a lighter and went underneath the sprinkler system and just flooded her entire apartment, which also crept under the floorboards and destroyed the parquet flooring of the rich Asian's next door.
00:23:47.000 And this brings up an interesting legal question.
00:23:50.000 It's easy to kick a renter out of their house, right?
00:23:53.000 How do you kick a homeowner out of their home?
00:23:56.000 It's my home.
00:23:58.000 You know, you can't kick, like, I'm in a house.
00:24:01.000 If I lit a fire with crack, you couldn't kick me out of my house.
00:24:05.000 It's my property.
00:24:06.000 The neighbors could say, well, you're a danger to the community.
00:24:08.000 Yeah, but how do you enforce that?
00:24:10.000 The government comes along and makes you sell your home?
00:24:13.000 Do they make you take an offer?
00:24:15.000 What if the offers you're getting are way too low and you want to wait a year?
00:24:19.000 Can they, can they, can you rent it out?
00:24:22.000 Sticky!
00:24:23.000 Sticky business!
00:24:25.000 So, uh, she was also, get this, racist.
00:24:32.000 Towards blacks.
00:24:34.000 Uh, all the staff at the front, the doorman and the door lady were black, and she would call them slave.
00:24:40.000 And she said, Get my bag, slave!
00:24:42.000 Now!
00:24:44.000 Which is shocking in the year 2016, when this was, to hear that word used in a derogatory way.
00:24:51.000 I mean, the only time I've ever heard it is my buddy Dan.
00:24:55.000 We were at this bar called Blue.
00:24:56.000 This is probably in 2001, and it was a huge blizzard.
00:25:00.000 Kind of like right out of Indiana Jones, like he walked, opened the door, and the snow comes pouring in.
00:25:04.000 Wah!
00:25:05.000 And scarves and jackets.
00:25:07.000 And he goes, God damn it!
00:25:09.000 He yells at the whole bar.
00:25:10.000 We were day drinking.
00:25:11.000 And he goes, it is colder than a dead slave's eyes out there!
00:25:16.000 Everyone gasped.
00:25:18.000 Now, he was obviously saying that to be as completely offensive and shocking as possible.
00:25:22.000 Bella wasn't going for that.
00:25:24.000 She was just telling you, get my bags, slave!
00:25:27.000 Fucking bitch!
00:25:28.000 Get my bags!
00:25:31.000 Believe it or not, the staff wasn't into that.
00:25:34.000 They don't like being called slave and being ordered around.
00:25:36.000 I always thought a funny joke, one of them was Jamaican.
00:25:42.000 I just ruined it by calling it a funny joke, but I was going to tweet out.
00:25:45.000 If I'm so racist, why does my doorman's face light up every time I get home from work?
00:25:51.000 But you need to see what he looks like for the joke to work, so it doesn't really work as a tweet.
00:25:55.000 It could be in a movie, like in a play, I mean in a sketch.
00:25:58.000 Anyway,
00:26:00.000 So, uh, one of the women there was from Queens, born and raised, so she don't take no shit.
00:26:06.000 Ain't got no time for that.
00:26:07.000 So she starts talking back to Bella.
00:26:09.000 Don't call me a slave, bitch, or you're gonna regret it.
00:26:12.000 That's how we talk.
00:26:13.000 She was, we would gossip, by the way, for like an hour.
00:26:16.000 I'd come home drunk, and she'd tell me all the juice in the building, and there was, there's always gossip.
00:26:20.000 That's the thing people don't understand about us gossipers.
00:26:23.000 They go, well there can't be much gossip going on in the suburbs.
00:26:26.000 There can't be much gossip at this golf club, a golf course.
00:26:29.000 There can't be much gossip at my boring job on my cubicle.
00:26:32.000 No.
00:26:33.000 Someone's screwing someone.
00:26:34.000 Someone just had an abortion.
00:26:36.000 There's always gossip.
00:26:37.000 You just gotta draw it out of people.
00:26:42.000 Um.
00:26:43.000 So I wasn't there for this part, but I forget the door woman's name.
00:26:47.000 Let's call her Leslie.
00:26:49.000 She, uh... Her and Bella had it out.
00:26:52.000 And they had one of these old-timey phones.
00:26:55.000 Like a big, heavy phone.
00:26:56.000 I don't know why.
00:26:57.000 Maybe it was like a direct line to the fire department or something.
00:27:00.000 But that was on her desk.
00:27:01.000 Bella picks it up with her crocodile arm.
00:27:04.000 So maybe she wasn't so handicapped after all.
00:27:07.000 And she clocks Leslie in the head with it.
00:27:12.000 This is our doorman, woman.
00:27:15.000 Sensor careening against the stone wall, she hits the ground, calls the cops, Bella's arrested, facing criminal charges.
00:27:22.000 I think Leslie sued the building too, because the building left her unsafe, which I wasn't cool with, by the way.
00:27:28.000 What are we supposed- what's the building supposed to do?
00:27:31.000 Not let any handicapped people by in their building, because they might be volatile?
00:27:35.000 I don't know.
00:27:44.000 And she has like a rubber dinghy around her waist and floaties on.
00:27:49.000 And she's like, hi, how are you?
00:27:51.000 I was kind of mean to her, kind of cold, because I'm not a phony.
00:27:54.000 And I think she liked that.
00:27:56.000 So she was always really nice to me, like wanting to be friends.
00:27:59.000 And I'm like, I don't want to be your friend.
00:28:00.000 You're a crackhead whore, literally.
00:28:08.000 And she's like, hi.
00:28:09.000 And I'm like, all right, kids, let's wrap it up here.
00:28:11.000 This woman hits people with phones.
00:28:13.000 And she goes, she gets up in the shallow end with all her gear on and her silly little bathing suit.
00:28:19.000 And she goes, I'm so good.
00:28:21.000 I'm swimming so good today.
00:28:23.000 Hey, see how good I'm swimming?
00:28:26.000 Like to the lifeguard.
00:28:28.000 And I thought, oh, this is definitely an up of the drug's bipolar behavior.
00:28:32.000 Time to go.
00:28:34.000 So things started winding down and I go, I say on the message board, believe it or not, I don't have an Ikea stool to sell, but I do have something to say.
00:28:45.000 Uh, we got to do something about this.
00:28:48.000 And they go,
00:28:49.000 They come back.
00:28:50.000 I think they sent me personal emails because they were so petrified of appearing racist.
00:28:54.000 And they go, look, this building has a great reputation now, okay?
00:28:58.000 The value in our properties have doubled since we purchased this.
00:29:02.000 Things are going great.
00:29:04.000 The last thing we need is to be known as a building that was prejudiced or treated a handicapped woman of color badly.
00:29:15.000 And I said, hey, asshole.
00:29:16.000 I think I was rude in that, because I was going to move anyway at that point, so I was ready to burn the bridge.
00:29:22.000 I go, in my email, I said, she's a danger to us and herself.
00:29:29.000 So I'm actually trying to protect her and us from further damage, from more problems.
00:29:36.000 And of course, so in that sense, Bella's life, her own life,
00:29:42.000 was less valuable than being known as a racist.
00:29:44.000 That's the amazing part about the left.
00:29:47.000 They'd rather let a black woman die than be known as racist.
00:29:52.000 So what eventually happened was, I believe Bella was quite distraught about her imminent court case.
00:29:58.000 Maybe she needed money, maybe she ran out of money, but she jumped in front of the L train in Williamsburg.
00:30:05.000 Bonk!
00:30:06.000 And was sent off to the Bellevue.
00:30:09.000 Now, she jumped at a point where it wasn't really whipping, right?
00:30:14.000 There's two ends of a subway station.
00:30:17.000 I think?
00:30:28.000 This was one of Bella's trades.
00:30:31.000 She had a prostitution, was her work, sex trade.
00:30:34.000 But I think another hobby she had, no not hobby, trade, that made money, was injuring herself.
00:30:39.000 I suspect that she threw herself in front of that first car on purpose.
00:30:43.000 I suspect that she threw herself in front of the train, hoping to get more money, more sympathy, I don't know, get out of the court case.
00:30:51.000 So I tracked her down at the Bellevue.
00:30:54.000 And I didn't want Bella coming back.
00:30:56.000 I didn't feel safe with my kids.
00:30:57.000 All you have to do is cross her.
00:30:58.000 Next thing you know, your kids are running around and she wants to get revenge on you via your kids.
00:31:03.000 So I called the Bellevue and I go, you have a woman there, Bella, forget her name.
00:31:07.000 And they go, yeah, yeah, hold on.
00:31:08.000 Yes, we have her here.
00:31:09.000 And I go, I want to know that this woman is clearly suicidal.
00:31:15.000 And if she gets released and sent back, she's a drug addict who is trying to kill herself and clearly has no value of her own human life, likely no one else's.
00:31:26.000 And if she gets out and sent back to life as normal, it's going to be on your head.
00:31:31.000 And they were sort of like, yeah, yeah, whatever.
00:31:32.000 No, thanks for the heads up.
00:31:34.000 Ready to hang up.
00:31:34.000 And I go, what's your name?
00:31:37.000 And it was a Japanese name.
00:31:38.000 She's like, oh, my name is Nuri Hokusoko.
00:31:41.000 And now the things changed, because now she had- her name was tied to Bella, and if Bella killed herself after for being released too soon, uh, she would be in shit.
00:31:51.000 And now, all of a sudden, they weren't poo-pooing me on the phone, and they were assuring me that everything would be handled.
00:31:58.000 Never saw her again.
00:31:59.000 That was Annabella.
00:32:00.000 I hope she got the help she needed.
00:32:02.000 I hope she got clean.
00:32:03.000 I mean... She's permanently handicapped.
00:32:06.000 She obviously doesn't... She has all these people taking advantage of her.
00:32:10.000 She has no self-respect.
00:32:12.000 She was a fucking mess.
00:32:15.000 And it was so funny seeing her juxtaposed with all these hypersensitive yuppies who think that you can just live in my, your dad can rub his butt cheeks on my pillows.
00:32:33.000 So yes, I think it's stupid to bitch about gentrification and call it genocide.
00:32:37.000 That's all hyperbole.
00:32:38.000 And look, I talked to the Puerto Ricans in Williamsburg and they said, yo, we left here.
00:32:42.000 I moved to Florida.
00:32:43.000 Used to get mugged on Kent Street every day.
00:32:45.000 Now I'm back.
00:32:46.000 Schools are better.
00:32:47.000 Everything's safe.
00:32:49.000 So you talk to actual people.
00:32:51.000 Not teenagers who have an aspiring rap career and want to bend your ear.
00:32:56.000 But you talk to moms and older ladies about gentrification?
00:32:59.000 No, they don't mind it.
00:33:00.000 They like that the town is safe and the schools are better.
00:33:03.000 But!
00:33:05.000 That doesn't mean that yuppies are not annoying.
00:33:07.000 They are brutal, spoiled brats who are obsessed with themselves, like Tom Hanks in Big, who, who, well, by the way, one time I left some stuff down and I was moving, and I came back and it was gone.
00:33:21.000 And then I found out the apartment that had it, because I sent a mass email, and this woman had taken two of my Eames chairs that are like 200 bucks each, and then I found out, well, she actually had three, and wasn't telling me about one of them.
00:33:33.000 So they're thieves, too!
00:33:36.000 But yeah, I don't condone ethnomassacism and all this hatred of gentrification, but I will concede that yuppies are really fucking annoying.